


hollow knight except it's a school universe and everyone is underpaid and depressed

by theKoiandtheMoi



Category: Hollow Knight (Video Games)
Genre: Broken vessel is Dave, Greenpath vessel is blossom, I have like 4 other vessel ocs, Nobody died, Other, The Pale King Being an Asshole (Hollow Knight), Too Many OCs, crackfic, ghost is named SOAP for some reason, grimmchild is sick of shit :))), i know earlier i said i have four vessel ocs but like two of them are my cousins so i lied, i will prob add more tags as we continue, nk liked burning students, radiance is chill, some weird grimm and nk shit, thats fine, the gods are chill in general, the hollow knight wants to be a tap dancer, they dont contribute anything, uhhhhh, way too many OCs, well most gods are chill
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:28:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 182,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29045379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theKoiandtheMoi/pseuds/theKoiandtheMoi
Summary: “Once there was light! I cannot remember it!” the Seer babbled. The Radiance waved from behind. “I do not know what the light was! I have forgotten the light! If only I could remember the light! What is the light? I do not know! I once did! But now I do not know a light! If only I knew-”“I’m over here,” said the Radiance.“-what the light was! I wonder what is a light! I once basked in a light! Where is the light! Who is the light! When was the light?” The Radiance facepalmed.“B,” said the Nightmare King as he floated down the hall carrying a bunch of stupid guitars and a stinky piano. The Seer gasped.“WHAT IS LIGHT? WHO IS WHEN? LIGHT!!” shrieked the Seer, “ARE YOU A LIGHT?” The Nightmare King looked confused, then dropped the guitars on her head, picked them up, and walked away. The Seer gasped again.“IT IS LIGHT!” she screeched as she picked up a piece of Nightmare Essence and shaped it into a foot. The Radiance rolled her eyes before floating away._______________________________________________________________________________this is a crackfic made by me(koi) and my cousin (moi)the title is exactly as it sounds. do not question why it is so long.
Relationships: Grimm & Grimm (Hollow Knight)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i

The teacher sat down on his strange, scarlet burning chair, somehow not getting roasted by the flickering crimson flames. "All right, class," announced Grimm, "We will begin with the trumpets. Dung Defender, pick a song for your students to warm up with, and for the last time, _do NOT pick another poop song, however much your students may find it funny!_ " He picked up a metronome and polished it. "No more throwing your heads at the metronome," Grimm said, "It is not nice as I pay for the metronomes with my _own_ money."

"Actually, he uses Divine's money," said Brumm while conducting the accordions, "he has no money of his own because the Nightmare King of Physical Education takes it and spends it all on torture equipment."

"Sounds like the PE teacher a lot!" chirped many in the class.

"SHUT UP, OH MANY TERRIBLE LITTLE BAt FLAVORED PIECES OF GARLiC!" Grimm snapped.

"Dad, please be careful," said Grimmchild cautiously, "last time you freaked out you shut yourself in a bean can for a week and died so I had to get the Nightmare King to reincarnate you again."

"SHUT UP!!!" screeched Grimm furiously, "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE LIKE THIS!"

Grimmchild sighed and continued to flop around on the organ.

"Oh man," said Koi, "Grimm like looks then pufferfish explode after!"

"sey!" replied Moi, while trying to figure out how to play the piano if you have no fingers.

"SHUT UP AND PLAY YOUR INSTRUMENTS!" screeched Grimm for the last time, "AND TO THE BEAT! THIS MAKES MY SOBS AT NIGHT WHEN I HAVE NOT EATEN FOR 83 WEEKS SOUND LIKE A FULLY ORCHESTRATED BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF MUSIC, UNLIKE THIS TERRIBLE NOISE THAT SHALL MAKE ME GO DEAF!" Grimm then exploded, and his corpse landed on the floor with a _flop_. 

"Oh man," sighed Grimmchild. He floated up to the desk and landed. Grimmchild grew larger and taller, morphing into Grimm. 

"Return to your spots and begin playing, _to the beat!_ " said the newly reincarnated Grimm in an extremely raspy voice. "Nothing interesting has happened apart from me going deaf from your terrible noise!"

"Hey, Grimm! Did you die again? Stop that!" said the NIghtmare King from the doorway, "It's annoying!" 

“I threw up in the garbage can,” said the Hammer Vessel, “It is tipped over.” 

“I TIPPED IT OVER” screeched SOAP proudly, “ME ME ME ME” 

“I TIPPED YOU OVER TO MAKE YOU TIP THE GARBAGE CAN,” shrieked Hornet, before jumping up onto the roof because Hammer’s vomit was spilling all over the floor. 

“I AM GOING TO KILL YOU ALL” roared the Nightmare King in frustration as he punched Grimm so that Grimm could throw up Grimmchild.

“OUCH,” said Grimm as grimmchildren dropped out of his mouth.

“You just defied all laws of reproduction,” stated Monomon as she ran straight into the door. 

“I am going to have a seizure,” said Cloth. 

“I am broke,” said Dave

“I,” said koi

“E,” said Moi 

“Stop being loud,” said monomon as grimmchild ripped out her teeth, “If you must throw up on the floor and punch each other, at least be quiet about it!”

“Oh shut up, go back to teaching your science class about how vessels don’t have mitochondria or cells in general.” Grimm snorted, coughing up a wad of Grimmchildren. 

“Nyar” said Grimmchild, clearly annoyed at the fact he had siblings.

“I am throwing up on the table now and spreading the vomit,” said the Hammer Vessel as they spread vomit using their head.

“JJJJJJJJJ” shouted Koi

“OOOOOOOOOO” screeched Moi

“TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT” hollered Koi

“HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” screamed Moi as loudly as a train ramming at top speed into the highway.

“WHO HAS SUMMONED THE ALMIGHTY BENCH GOD?!” boomed Joth, while whacking Ghost in the face with 3 benches and a rock.

“I am a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a” stammered SOAP (Ghost) while being whacked with a needle, 3 benches, and a rock. 

"My nonexistent ears hurt more than a drowning person that is stabbing themselves while on a sinking ship filled with drowned rats, crabs, and hail," declared the Nightmare King more loudly than a chair snoring as it is knocked out a window and flew over mountains, making a queen explode in the process.

"Please go away," sighed Grimm, "I _really_ don't get paid enough for this."

"I shall not leave, thank you very much," came the reply, "I am the NIGHTMARE KING, and I DO WHAT I PLEASE."

"I am going to jump out the window!" said Moi, who was ripping her head off and tossing it at the metronome in an attempt to break it.

"I!" yelled Koi, who also jumped out the window.

"... So you're not hungry anymore? It's nice that you were able to help your friend," came a distant voice from the window.

"GO BACK TO YOUR CLASSROOM AND TEACH BIOLOGY OR SOMETHING!" screeched the Nightmare King.

"Why don't _you_ do that, then?" retorted Monomon, who was lurking in the doorway, "You're not a music teacher !" Mr. Mushroom floated in through the window and settled onto the desk. 

"Kingdoms and bones may turn to dust, but Mr. Mushroom readjusts..." He said, before blasting off through the roof.

Grimm sighed and slumped onto his desk.

He said, "Class, please play the piece." Nobody heard him, so he was ignored as the class chattered and screeched and threw up on their desks.

Grimm sighed and took 3 deep breaths.

"1, 2, 3, (sigh) I can't do this..."

He began muttering something to himself that was inaudible over the loud class.

"I AM GOING TO EAT YOUR BEANS!" yelled Grimmchild, who was ripping out Ghost's nonexistent teeth.

"...."

Grimm didn't reply, he was slumped on the bench, most likely passed out due to stress.

Suddenly, as the Hammer Vessel was throwing up on Grimm's face, Grimm jolted up and started screaming.

"AAAAAAAAAAA!" Grimm's screams echoed around the room, making Moi go deaf even though Moi was in the garden because she jumped out the window.

Grimm jumped out the window as well, and set his face on fire, and ran around the lab room.

"There he goes again," muttered the Nightmare King as he kicked a vessel in the shin.

"JENE????" screeched Koi

"?????" screeched the still deaf Moi

Hornet left the classroom, most likely trying to go to fight the weird new student, Lace.

“SHUT YOU'RE UP SHUT YOUR UP SHUT UPPP!!!!” roared the Nightmare King as he slammed a table onto the floor. There was complete silence, not a word was uttered before Mr Mushroom trampled back into the room screaming about kingdoms and bones before chaos continued.  
“IUFHIRUHIUDHWWHUIEIH!” screeched Grimm, still losing his mind in the lab room.

“Oh for heck,” growled the Nightmare King before he leaped down into the lab and grabbed Grimm by the neck, dragging him back to the music room. Grimm screeched madly, yelling and screaming something like  
“QUIRELRE GONA KEE:LLL ME WIUHFUIW WaTER FOOTO EUHHE JIFJOA JOTH IS HEKSI!!” as he had traumatic flashbacks.  
Joth was still hitting SOUP with 4 benches and a rock, yelling something about “are you the one who ate my rock!?!??!?” 

“Poor old chap, wonder what got to him?” Quirrel inquired, observing as the Nightmare King dragged Grimm out of his convulsions in the lab.

“ARENT YOUOUOUOUOUUUUUUU AN OLLLLLD CHAPPED LIPSSSSSS???” asked Koi.

“Well that’s just rude! I’m not _that_ old…..” said Quirrel the Girl the Boomer

“I CHAPPED LIPS VErY!” replied Moi. 

“IF ALL OF YOU DONT SHUT YER TRAPS RIGHT NOW IM GOING TO MAKE EVERYONE GO THROUGH PATH OF PAIN WITH x500000000 BUZZSAWS AND 29890830921 GRIMMKIN PRIMAL ASPIDS CHASING AFTER THEM 5000000007 TIMES!” shrieieieked the Nightmare King as he smashed through the window, carrying a half-dead and convulsing Grimm. This time, everyone did stop. Muttering obscenities about the Nightmare King, everyone waddled out of the room for the next period. 

“YUO AARE AL LATEE!!!!” screeched monomon.

“NAUT,” said Dave as he slid across the floor and into the sewers. “We is ared EEEARLY!!!11!”

“Shut up you smelly broken vessel,” said Lace in a fly-filled voicey conductor smoker. “Why did the creators even decide to call you Dave instead of Broken Vessel?”

“SEH SHE SHE SEH SEH SEH!” came Grimm’s insane screeching next door.

“Hey, do you think Nightmare King went back to his PE class or he’s still in there?” Cloth inquired, tapping Quirrel the Squirrel on the shoulders. 

“I would wager about 15 Trial of the Fool matches that he’s still in there,” replied Tiso, even though nobody was talking to him. Quirrel shrugged, observing an acid tablet that had sentences that didn’t make any sense. 

“ALL HAIL HOLY JOTH!” screeched Joth, who had followed SOAP because Joth liked hitting them on the head with 5 benches and 2 rocks. 

“Wow, the number of benches keeps going up,” noted Afro.

“Settle down, settle down you smelly lumps,” said Monomon as she waved around a stick held between her toes. 

“I AM NOT SOAP!” screeched SOAP as somebody passed SOAP a note that said ‘yuo ar SOPA’.

“Yes shaw you shaw are shaw not shaw soap shaw,” siad hornet, “you shaw are shaw an shaw idiot shawwwww!!!” 

SOAP let out an abyssal screech as weird voidy thingies filled the room and ate up all the chalk in the coin jar.

“I will force-feed you disgusting drugs that make you **W I D E**!” said Dave who was bored, and falling off his chair.

“IIIIIIIIIIIII SEH SEH III” screeched Grimmchild, who was in the corner for no reason at all.

“Children these days,” muttered Monomon as she flicked a coin in between Lace’s forehead. “All of you need to be quiet so I can teach you the detriments of tobacco usage.”

“Oh, lung cancer,” said Quirrel. 

“GOOOOGOOODODOODODODODODODODOODD JOBBBBBBBBBBB!” said Monomon as she wrote on the chalkboard using a bell pepper because all the chalk was eaten by SOAP. 

_THONK_ , went the 6 benches and 3 rocks that Joth was whacking SOUP with.

The Hammer Vessel slammed open the door.  
“HAY!” said Hammer.

“OH FOR PALE KING’S SAKE,” stated Monomon, “STOP DOING THAT!”  
“DO NOT THONK, FOR I AM THE ONLY THONKER!!” screeched Hammer

“Juat,” stated Grimmchild as the Hammer Vessel bowed and created a huge crater in the center of the classroom.

“Ooooh, perfect for our next experiment,” said Monomon as she threw up a magnifying glass and tossed it at Quirrel. 

“There, find some way to duplicate them and pass it around the classroom,” she stated as Quirrel looked at her in confusion. Shrugging, he threw the magnifying glass at a mirror and it exploded into 50 other magnifying glasses. If only I could do that with money in real life.

“Alright my smelly comrades, come pick up some magnifying glasses!” said Quirrel as he pointed to the fat pile of magnifying glasses.

“GOOGLE SEARCHES ARE WHAT WE NEED, NOT SCIENCE!” screeched Hornet, running out of the classroom screaming. 

“That’s why ur stupid” said Lace as she observed Honret roll out of the room like a speed bump drowning in oil and fly into the sky. 

SOAP stared at the magnifying glass, and wondered whether it was edible or not. Bored, Ghost stuffed the glass into their eye and the magnifying glass was consumed with a loud _CRUNCH_. 

“JENE??????” screeched Koi and Moi from the Garden, still not in class because they were too lazy to climb back up the school. 

“Iiiiiiiiiiii” snorked Dave, who was so bored that he was melting into a puddle of goop that would most likely soon turn into infection. Cloth, deciding that she too was bored out of her mind joined in on Dave’s monotonous chorus as their voices merged, sounding like a fish tank’s bubble pipe. Tiso soon joined in because he was tired of being ignored like a monkey eating parrots, so he started saying ‘iiiii’ along with Dave and Cloth. Quirrel observed the three of them sounding like a very off-tune version of the Windows shut down noise, so he joined in as well because it looked fun. Grimmchild added his voice to the chorus because it helped him focus on his stupid music homework of trying to play 15 notes at once while on the piano when he doesn’t even have fingers. 

Soon, the whole class apart from Monomon was saying, “Iiiiiiiiiiiiii,” in unison. Finally, Monomon snapped.

“IF YOU WISH TO SING IN A CHORUS, THEN GO BACK TO GRIMM’S CLASS!!!” she yelled at the bored people, tapping a stick on the floor with her fat smelly toes. Dave the puddle flopped out of his chair and went out the door, glomping his way to Grimm’s class. Monoman smacked her face in frustration.

“I DID NOT MEAN THAT LITERALLY!” With a sad deflating pufferfish noise, Dave went back under the door and flopped back into his seat in the Science classroom. 

“Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii,” he said. Suddenly, Mr. Mushroom flew into the classroom and exploded in a puff of fungi spores. Monomon slammed her head into the chalkboard. 

“Urm,” said Quirrel. “Madam, are you alright?”

“On a scale of one to Grimm, how bad are you mentally, and on a scale of one to Nightmare King, how okay are you physically?” Tiso asked, leaning down on his fat shield as SOAP rolled around on the floor. 

“7 and 4. You all need to listen to me because I am the one who is teaching!”

Mawlek crashed down, breaking the roof and landing on Tiso.  
“Oops,” said the Radiance, “My pet ate too much.” 

“Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii,” sang Dave the Puddle. Finally, after a boring 2nd period, the bell rang for everyone to go outside and flop around a dead bench. With terrible screeching and green flavored enthusiasm, the class rolled outside like a dead fish eating plankton covered in soy sauce and oily chicken fingers. Monomon sighed, truly drained from the energy of her 2nd class. Only Quirrel stayed behind as everyone else waddled out of the classroom screaming “IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII”.

“Madam? Are you alright?” Quirrel asked as Monomon leaned onto her desk, tired and weary. 

“I’m fine,” she muttered, waving Quirrel dismissively with a tentacle. “Don’t worry for me, Quirrel. I’m used to it by now. Go outside and play with the other children.”

Reluctantly, Quirrel walked out of the classroom, looking back once or twice to peer at Monomon’s tired, slumped figure and tiny face smacking against the chalkboard. 

Grimmchild flew up to Quirrel. “Open your mouth,” he said, while his wings morphed into buff, muscular, arms.

“What?” asked Quirrel.

“I said, OPEN YOUR MOUTH,” replied Grimmchild menacingly.

Quirrel hesitantly opened his mouth and Grimmchild quickly ripped out 12 of his teeth and ran away innocently. Quirrel watched him run away, in somewhat a daze.

“Wait!” he called to Grimmchild. Grimmchild turned around, flexing his arms threateningly as Quirrel reached out. 

“If you want your teeth back, you ain't getting them,” he growled. 

“Oh, that's not what I wanted to ask,” Quirrel replied, looking down on the ground. 

“You're the child of supposedly Grimm and the Nightmare King, correct?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“How are you able to just… carry on?”

Grimmchild looked at Quirrel with reserved curiosity.

“What do you mean?”

Quirrel paused, scrunching his eyebrows in pensivity. 

“Don’t they like… hate each other? Aren’t they always arguing? How are you always so… I don't know, happy? How do you carry on with all of that misery lumped on top of you?” There was a small pause before Grimmchild voiced his reply.

“Ripping out people’s teeth brings me joy,” Grimmchild chirruped with a toothy grin. “You should try ripping out people’s teeth too!”

“Uhh-” before Quirrel could question any more, Grimmchild flew off, cackling as madly as the Pale Lurker. However, he didn’t fly off fast enough. 

As Grimmchild glided away, Quirrel heard him mutter something. 

“They aren’t that bad. I know they seem like bad parents, but they aren’t.”

Surprised, Quirrel stood in stunned silence as Grimmchild flapped away, cackling as if he said nothing.

“BNENCHEB!!” could be heard from the last bench as Joth wouldn’t let anyone sit on the bench even though it was supposed to be for students. Some vessels began yelling at Koi and Moi, who had summoned Joth for no reason earlier. 

“piano broke I room music in!” exclaimed Moi excitedly.

“OOOOH!” said Koi as a horde of vessels threw dirt and dead plants at her. 

“My head looks like a garbage can,” noted Moi as some more students began throwing random bits of dust at Koi and Moi. 

“YOOO ARE THE DID NOT ADJUST CHARMS CANNOT BECAUSE SUMMONED JOTH!” screeched SOAP as they kicked Koi’s nonexistent nose. 

**“I AM GORB,”** said Gorb. 

“No kidding,” muttered Lace as Tiso continued getting squashed by the Radiance’s fat pet Mawleek.

For some reason, Hornet decided that right about now was a great time to make her awesome return and she came rolling onto the top of Lace’s fat, smelly head yelling, “FLY CONDUCTOR, TAKE ME TO THE BEST BENCH!” Lace shrieked in terror as she slammed her head onto the ground, crushing Hornet the stinky spider. Hornet disappeared, leaving a silk cocoon for some odd reason. Two minutes later, Hornet emerged from nowhere and began eating the cocoon of silk she left earlier. Lace made a snorting sound of disgust as she looked at Hornet.

“What in the hey is wrong with you,” inquired Lace.

“Everything, shaw, is, shaw, wrong, shaw, with, shaw, me, shaw, but, shaw, you, shaw, are, shaw, even, shaw, more, shaw, messed, shaw, up, shaw, than, shaw, me, shaw,” replied Hornet as she continued shoveling silk into her eyeholes. 

Lace nodded as if she understood whatever the heck Hornet was trying to say before flopping over and dying. Steel Assassin long-nosed guy started screaming as he saw Trobbio explode in a puff of green pollen and sourdough bread. 

It was now the end of recess, and the students could hear Grimm screaming madly. Dung Defender happily made the trumpets play poop songs for no reason at all to accompany the miserable yowling of Grimm, the Nightmare King was outside, yelling at several students that they had to do 50 laps around the school accompanied by 30000 Primal _Ass_ pids because they were late. 

The children waddled miserably, for recess was over and nobody even got to change their charms because of the fat lumpy Joth thing that the stupid Moi and Koi had summoned. 

\-------

author stupidy (koi): have the ocs

even tho it says terzu is a boy she's a girl

also I put like no effort into this

and jake is technically Moi's oc

h


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pe class.

“ E ieieie this is stupid,” said SOAP as they flopped onto the PE field with all the rest of the smelly students.

“You’re stupid,” muttered Hornet as she smacked SOAP on the head with a fat needle. 

“-and do not EVER be late to my class again,” snarled the Nightmare King as he watched some students from the last period run around the school with 30000 primal aspids chasing them. Turning around, he faced his third-period class as they stood in front of him, about 36 half-dead shower-deprived children, all of whom ranging from wings to claws to void tendrils. The Nightmare King muttered something about Grimm before looking down to address the children. 

“Alright, idiots, we’re behind schedule and I’m in a pissy mood, so you’ve better already have equipped your charms,” he barked. Everyone groaned. 

“Joth issss stuuuuuupiddddddddddddd,” Dave whispered to Moi as she rolled around on her head. 

  
“Yeseseseses” replied Moi quietly while Koi poked her back with a dead leaf. 

“LISTEN UP, YOU SMELLY WADS OF INFECTION AND DIRT!” shouted the Nightmare King, “TODAY FOR BEING LATE, YOU ARE TO GO TO THE WHITE PALACE BY 11:00 AM TODAY! IF YOU DO NOT MAKE IT, I WILL SEND 1983 PARTIES OF PRIMAL ASPIDS TO “ESCORT” YOU THERE! YOU WILL BE CHASED BY ONE PARTY OF ASPIDS WHICH IS CONSISTED OF 15 PRIMAL ASPIDS! AFTER YOU ARRIVE, YOU WILL REST AT A BENCH AND THEN DO PATH OF PAIN, ACCOMPANIED BY 13 PARTIES OF ASPIDS FOLLOWING EACH STUDENT! Begin… NOW!” the Nightmare King angrily checked a clock and began throwing aspids at each student.

“IIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..” muttered Dave the puddle miserably. Cloth found a shovel and began digging. 

“Cloth what are you doing? You should get going right now if you don’t want to be killed by 49375983249234732 primal aspids,” Quirrel remarked, observing Cloth with confusion as she continued digging a big hole. 

“I know,” replied Cloth. “I may be a cicada warrior, but that doesn’t mean I’m a brave warrior.” She sighed as she shoveled more dirt out of her hole. “I’m going to sleep. Call me when class is over!” With her last statement, she flopped into the Earth and covered herself back up again as if nothing had ever been dug out or replaced in the first place. 

“.. What the heck,” uttered SOAP before being slapped in the face with 7 benches and 4 rocks by Joth, who had picked up the school bench. Seeing Joth gave Dave an idea. 

“Heyeyyeykkjkjkj Joth,” said Dave as he snorted up blobs of lifeblood. 

“????”

“Can you carry me thru Whote Palace pleeeeeeeeeeeseeeeeee I will worship you”

“WILL DO!” screeched Joth as he slapped Dave onto the bench and ran off into the White Palace. 

“Wait at least let me get off this bench I’m stuck like a pancake” said the squashed SOAP, who was being carried at the speed of light under a bench that was being dragged on the ground by Joth. Hornet, not wanting to be left behind ran after the weirdos, yelling stuff like ‘SHAW’ and ‘HIGALE’ and ‘ADIDO’. As she passed several students, Hornet yelled, “GET GUD!!” and hit them on the head with her needle. Lace scoffed spitefully as she observed the weirdo spider fly through the air and into White Palace. 

Dave on Joth’s bench was already in White Palace, throwing some of Joth’s rocks at students who were nearby.

“I CAN DO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT!” shrieked Lace as she ran after Honret, flies following her to help her with speed boosts. (Lace’s terrible stench attracts flies) 

“HET OUT THE WAYYJJJ FLY TAMER” screeched Koi as she tumbled through the White Palace with a smelly fat rope attached to her. With a mighty tug, she yanked the rope and behind her came along another stinky vessel, also known as Moi. With a shriek, Moi threw Koi again, this time farther than before. Lace narrowed her crusty, smelly eyes as she saw more students approaching, Grimmchild making a teeth bridge rope thing for everyone to cross while Zote sharted fire across the White Palace, gathering dangerous speeds. 

“TEAMWORK!!” screeched the random vessels, while throwing dirt at Lace. Lace screamed at them about how that was foul play before knocking into Tiso who was surfing on his shield across the field of buzzsaws.

“HEY WTACH IT” Tiso screamed before a fat Mawleek squashed him. Getting very very very angry, Tiso used his shield to climb onto the fat stupid Mawleek before hollering, “GIIDYUP B*SH” The Mawlek, a slow, stupid, behemoth that it was obeyed Tiso, scuttling through the Palace and gaining ground of Joth, SOAP and Dave. 

Behind, some students were running around screaming due to the swarm of Primal Aspids chasing them, trying to catch up to the large squad of vessels screaming “TEAMWORK” and working together in really strange techniques. Hornet was still sprinting behind the weird bench dudes, screeching SHAWHHAHAHAHAA every time they ran into a buzzsaw or ate a spiky furniture lawn gnome. Close behind her were Lace, God Tamer, the cackling Pale Lurker, and Tiso. 

“AI WANT DANSE” shrieked the Hollow Knight in the background, “AI DON OT WANNTA BEE A ENGINERE FOR CROCODILE STICKSR”

“SHUT UP AND BE HOLLOW” screeched the Pale King, full title: Demented Fork Man.

Cloth observed the sight with fascination as Quirrel, (Who had decided to burrow in after her) showed up at the end of Path of Pain. 

“I thought you were hibernating,” Quirrel said, panting as he saw the small vision. 

“I forgot how to sleep, and also everyone was making such a ruckus up here that I decided it was too much to just sleep, so I just tunneled my way here,” Cloth replied. “I feel bad for Hollow, he wanted to be a Tap Dancer, not an Elon Musk.”

“Whta is an Elno Msku?” stated Quirrel in confusion.

“It is a type of paperwork,” explained Cloth smartly. 

“AAAAAAAAAAI” shrieked Joth as he dragged his smelly ugly SOAPy bench with Dave sitting on top of it, eating tiktiks and french flies. 

“Is are we the late?” asked Dave as he looked around, seeing Cloth and Quirrel.

“Oh, no my friends, come and sit. We just got here ten minutes early,” Quirrel stated, gesturing towards the memory of Hollow Knight screeching about Tap Damster. 

“SIT AND REST,” chimed some suspicious-looking people, who were sitting near Herrah.

“Hi mom” said Honret.

“I am died,” replied Herrah.

“No you arent” said Hornet.

“No im not” said Herrah, nodding in approval. “What a smart daughter I have.”

“IAHAAAAAAAA” screeched Koi as she was thrown across the room, killing 5 Royal Retainers in the process. With a vicious screaming and a giant tug that broke the hazy Palace’s atmosphere of serenity and peace, she yanked a screeching Moi behind her. 

“I” declared SOAP, who sat on the SIT AND REST bench and disappeared mysteriously into Herrah’s smelly house.

“Oh dear,” said Herrah as she observed SOAP go poof. With a snap of her fingers, SOAP reappeared, except this time a lot more battered up than usual. 

“MOM ARE YUO GRIMM” said Hornret.

“No,” said Herrah. “I am Herrah, Queen of Deepnest. Did the Nightmare King send you here?”

“Yes,” said Tiso as he was flung into the wall by the Mawlek because the Radiance was calling the fat Mawlek back. 

“BURY MY SISTERS, THEN BURY ME TWO” roared Myla in a super deep manly voice as she came crashing through the walls of the Path of Pain, her giant muscles bulging. Close behind her followed Grimmchild, God Tamer, and the Pale Lurker, all of whom cackled crazily as God Tamer’s beast thing fell through the roof. Quirrel looked around, counting heads as more students came in. 

“Let’s see,” he inquired. “We have Me, Cloth, Tiso, God Tamer, Dave, SOAP (“I AM NOT SOAP!”), Hornet, Koi, Moi, Pale Lurker, Myla, Grimmchild, and for some reason Mr. Mushroom, he’s not even a student..…. We are missing a lot of people.” 

“Who are we missing?” asked Cloth.

“Um… Hammer, Zote, Lace, Trobbio, Sharpe, Blossom, Afro, Finette, Horsehead, Scuttle, Bretta, Ivy, Zemmoth, Clover, Yvette, Cedrin, Reinle, Respo, Severin, Deduline, Zara, Millybug, Terzu, and Erith… so 23 are yet to come, and 12 here, not including Mr Mushroom,” Quirrel replied, right as Rainle and Hammer crashed through the walls and into the tub of Kingsmoulds, causing the Pale King to yell and throw a sawblade at them for wrecking the tub. 

“HAVE YOU ALL REACHED THE END OF PATH OF PAIN YET?” boomed the Nightmare King, “YOU’D BETTER HAVE GOTTEN TO THE END, OR THE PRIMAL ASPID SQUADS CHASE YOU IN 3.. 2…. 1…..” Right as the Aspid hellspawn were about to wreck the students left outside, Bretta came running in, carrying Zote. 

“You alright?” Cloth asked her, patting her on the back. Bretta nodded as she kicked Zote away from her.

“He’s pathetic,” she stated, looking grumpily down at Zote. “He has been diminished by the Beast over there,” Bretta looked at SOAP, who was still squished under a bench. 

“IIIIIIIII win” declared Dave the Puddle, who was building a bench thing to worship Joth, the Bench “god”. 

“You weren’t even here first,” muttered Cloth as Primal Aspids pooled around the doors outside, “I was here first.”

“I do wonder if the others are alright,” Quirrel said, observing the memory as the Pale King kicked a vessel into the Abyss. 

“Oh, is Scuttle here?” Herrah asked, looking around in search of the weird garpede thingy. 

“No, he’s still outside….”

Herrah sighed, leaning her back down on a wall. “I promised Midwife that I would keep him safe…. If he gets injured, then I’m in trouble.”

“Wouldn’t the Nightmare King be in trouble?” Hornet asked, peering outside into the weather forecast of 10000 Primal Aspids. 

“Nobody has the guts to fire him,” Myla replied in her normal voice. “Even the Radiance is refraining from firing him or Grimm because of that, and it is also the very reason why he is still even employed.“

“Oh,” said Hornet. “I just thought that they ran out of ways to punish children, so they hired Nightmare King.” 

“It sure does feel like that,” Bretta muttered before flopping onto the ground in exhaustion. 

“Are you idiots insulting me?!” growled the Nightmare King threateningly, “I can get even meaner if I want to! 30 rounds of the Path of Pain!  _ With _ Primal Aspids!”

“No thank you sir I love you more than I love my life,” pleaded SOAP meekly.

“Ew,” said the Nightmare King. “If that’s the cause of your love, then I’m switching our workouts back to the school grounds.” 

“SOAP, you’re a genius!” Quirrel cried as he scooped SOAP up from under the bench. 

“ME IS NOOOOOOOOT SOAPPAPAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP” protested SOAP as they exploded into a puff of void tendrils. Quirrel dropped SOAP in confusion as their head popped off and they scuttled around like a drunk millipede. 

“Ioiiojiohihiihdjhiqsjhsjhsjhdddndnjnej” said Dave as he watched SOAP waddle around. “IJHYuudchyucdhyucdhbudcducndcc dont the use proper grammar, it is NOT proper”

“So you can use proper grammar, but you merely choose not to,” Quirrel said to Moi, who was rolling around on some fat thorns. 

“Excuse me good sir, but I am more than perfectly capable of correct pronunciation, capitalization, and proper grammar. I, quite like you, can speak with grace and fluidity, but the difference is that you choose to do so, whereas I prefer speaking like a 5-month-old on steroids with the exception of proving a point and/or addressing a teacher,” Moi stated, cracking her head on a rock. “That being said, KOI OUT YOU GET HERE IS WHOOO THRONS!!!!!”

“IIIIIJUHDGWHBJ HUUUGHHHH?????” Koi yelled back, rolling uphill to meet with Moi.

“Fascinating!” Quirrel exclaimed, watching with sparked interest as Koi screeched something about SOAP being on fire. Moi bonked Quirrel on the head with a stick that was stuck to her arm.

“I clogged the toilet today,” said Blossom, suddenly appearing next to Quirrel who shouted out in surprise. 

“When did you get here?!” God Tamer asked, poking Blossom’s eyeholes as the vessel tipped over like a bottle of whiskey stuck inside of a Baldur’s shell. 

“I are didn’t the go,” said Blossom as they shook their head sadly. “Up to the where are Radiance Knight room.”

“What,” said God Tamer, perplexed. 

“ SAiD I aARE ON I DIDN’T THE GO,” repeated Blossom, visibly agitated. 

“Ok” said the Pale Lurker. Suddenly, there was a weird snapping noise and all the students were brought back to the School Grounds.

“station Stag!” said SOAP

  
“NOOO!!” cried Hornet, “BELLLLLL BEEEEEAST!!”

“Snap,” muttered Grimm, “Get out of my classroom! You’re in PE! Not music!”

“I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I!” chirped Koi, sitting on the organ and permanently damaging it.

“E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E!” said Moi, breaking 7 clarinets and 2 piano keys as they were whisked out of Grimm’s music class. 

“Why must you always do the dumbest things in  _ my _ class?” sighed Grimm, who was on the verge of another mental breakdown.

“ IQ OW HONK EW??” replied Dave with the enthusiasm of a dead monkey, “OR FOR OR I AET BEE?

By then, Hornet had already decided that class was stupid, and she wasn’t. She yelled, “Get gud!” before rushing out of the classroom on her needle, screaming. 

“BURY MY MOTHER AND BURY MY BROTHER AND BURY MY WHOLE FAMILY AND DON’T TELL THE POLICE IT WAS MEEEEE,” sang Myla, again, in her extremely deep and manly voice, as she grew taller and more muscular for no actual reason whatsoever. 

“you Did muddyer ur family??” asked SOAP, hoping for useful tips.

“I ATE MY MOTHER THEN MY BROTHER AND THREW UP ON MY UNCLES TWO!” sang Myla, for some reason joyous.

“Zemmoth you look like a weird fat pig,” sang Respo as she flipped over, her stinger spraying poison and shite all over the tubas.

“ **I AM GORB** ,” said Gorb, “ **ASCEND ASCEND ASCEND WITH GORB!** ”

“Qui _ te r _ **rru** de of you,” replied Zemmoth in her extremely thick accent. 

“IQ HONK EW?????????” asked Dave 

“NONONONONONO” said Jake/Horsehead as he barfed all over the floor, rolling around in circles as Rainle took off his bell hat and started harassing other students with it.

“IQ -10000000!!!” said Moi cheerfully. 

Grimm, fed up with his stupid First Period snapped his fingers and everyone was poofed out of his classroom and back onto the PE fields. 

“You’re LATE!” screeched the Nightmare King, “50 laps around the school, with the Grimmkin  _ and _ Primal Aspids!”

“We were not late,” said Finette the weird slug thingy. “We got to the weird pathoty thingamabobber but then Grimm did snappstery and we went POOOOOOF.”

“Can confirm,” said Ivy. “And Blossom clogged the toilet in the throne room.”

“Ha!” barked the Nightmare King, “That’ll be my revenge for the stupid Pale Creature trying to take over the Nightmare Realm 18399 years ago!” He leaned down to pat Blossom on the head.

“Good job,” he said. “I’m giving you an A+ for the rest of the semester.”

“IIIOiiooiioioioioioIOhiudaasjsdshj me didddsss go tototto shadyu radonce rorofji mff fn ppppp99)()()(,” said Blossom as they flopped over and slugs spilled out of their eyes. 

“Joth the Praise Holy!” said Dave, pulling out his weird Joth worshipping bench statue. 

“Um sir,” said Yvette in a barely audible voice. “The bell just rang, third period is over….” Sighing, the Nightmare King snapped his fingers and the rest of the students appeared on his PE fields. 

“Where were YOU,” asked Hornet as her long stupid bendy needle poked Lace’s invisible eyebrows. 

“I went to the throne room with the other 22 students,” Lace muttered grumpily. “This STUPID IDIOT,” she waved her hand towards Zote, “TOLD US THAT WE WERE TO FOLLOW HIM TO THE PATH OF PAIN!” 

“He didn’t even know the way to the Stupid White Palace!” grumbled Bretta, “He took us to

some dusty old place in Greenpath and nearly got us eaten by a Moss Charger!”

“I fell off a saw blade and landed on spikes and fell into the Abyss and that's why I was late,” said Jake. 

“Quite rrrrright,” rumbled Zemmoth in her weird voice. “I shall meet the rrrrrest of you in Fourthh perrriod.” With Zemmoth’s last statement, the bell rang, and everyone glomped away to go to the next period. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> english/history smushed into one

“ W ait who's the next class? Is it English? Who teches English?” asked Rainle as he fell over on top of his stinky bell hat. 

“It is English, you smelly child, and I am the one who is teaching. Now get into the classroom before I spank you with this yardstick!” Monomon hissed as she waved around a very menacing yardstick with her foot. Rainle, really not wanting to be spanked immediately ran into the classroom. Zemmoth sidled in, her spikes clattering everywhere and poking people in the eyes as she walked past. 

“Ow!” cried Cedrin as his pointy face was poked by 493084902 of Zemmoth’s fat spikes. “Can’t you like flatten those or something?”

“She can’t, otherwise when she opens them back up again, they’ll fly all over the place,” said Yvette in her barely audible voice. 

“What? I cannot hear you!”

“I said she can’t!”

“WHAAAAT?!”

“I SAID-” Before the two could continue their shouts, Monomon, along with a stream of students flowed into the room. 

Scuttle came in, giggling as he held a weird scribbly drawing. Zara skipped around, seeming very interested in everything around her. She looked at Scuttle and curiously approached him. 

“That would not be a good choice,” Ivy said to Zara, shaking her head. Zara turned around to look at Ivy.

“Whyn’t?”

“Ivy shrugged. “You’ll find out.”

“Would you like to see my dra wing?” Scuttle asked in his soothing voice. Zara looked curiously at his drawing which was literally a bunch of scribbles. 

“Uhhhhhhm,” said Zara, cringing. “It’s… um, very…. Thoughtful?”

“Yes, yes,” Scuttle murmured. “It’s a drawing of my mother, the Midwife of Deepnest. Oh, how lovely she is, how wonderful Deepnest is…. With its ever-loving glory and  _ delicious _ food….. Oh, I’m getting HUNGRY I do daresay ....” Before Scuttle could open his mask and take a chunk out of Zara’s face, Snej fell into the classroom through the roof. 

“WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT GETTING ON MY ROOOFFFF???!!” screeched some lady from up above. “GO AWAY AWAY AWAY AWAY!!!!!!!”

“Ouch,” muttered Snej. “Not a welcoming one, I see.”

“Jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj…” whispered Koi to Moi.

Moi replied, “Ooooooooooooo..”

“NOOOOOO!” screeched SOAP as they threw up weaverlings and glowing womby thingies and grubs. 

“Ttttttttttttttttt!” said Koi excitedly.

“HHhhhhhhHhHhhhHHhHhhhH!!!” screeched Moi like a dead flopping bench.

“WHOMST HAS SUMMONED THE ALMIGHTY ONE??” boomed Joth, the self-proclaimed Bench God. SOAP melted into a puddle of misery, grubs, glowing womb charms, and weaverlings as Joth began hitting them on the head with 43 benches. 

“Shut up ye weirdo childs,” Monomon grumpedy hrumped very hrumpedy. “Now everyone, we are going to annotate 50 articles for no reason. All of them are the same exact articles, by the way, we’re just doing it 50 times.”

“teacher , but we annotate going what for???” whimpered Jake, “What annotate about for???”

“The History of Hallownest,” Monomon replied. “This is both English and History, so we are doing both.”

“What,” said Respo. “I thought this was just English?”

“No it is not, you scaly scorpion!” Monomon cried out in happiness. “I am to share whatever knowledge I have because I am an old woman and when I flop over and die, at least there’ll be some 420 students running around with the information that the Pale King has no idea what he is doing!” With that last remark, Monomon turned back around to write on the chalkboard using a bell pepper. 

“I am not a scaly scorpion,” muttered Respo. “I’m a Vinegaroon.” 

“I always thought you were a scorpion,” remarked Rainle as his bell hat kept falling off his head with 40000 loud clanking noises. 

“NOT NOT NOT” yelled Respo, her tail whipping around in weird circles.

“Have an article,” said Quirrel as he threw one into each of the student’s faces. 

“Ttttthhthththhhtthhthththththththtthhtthhthajnnankknnkknkkkkss,” said SOAP as they were smashed by Hornet’s needle, 56 benches, 32 rocks, 3000 weaverlings, 600 glowing womb fart things, and a tooth. 

“I dropped my tooth, I'll be taking this,” said Grimmchild as he took the tooth off of SOAP, and proceeded to rip out 3 of SOAP’s other teeth. 

“Little Ghost, you are unworthy of education!” stated Hornet as she poked SOAP in the face with her bendy needle.

“SOAP*!!!” screeched Dave, Koi, Moi, Grimmchild, and every other student in the room besides Hornet.

“I am NOT SOAP!!!” screeched SOAP

“SOUP!!!!” screeched the students.

“NOOTTTT!!!”

“SHUT UP AND PAY ATTENTION BEFORE I DROP ALL OF YOU BACK INTO PE CLASS!!!!!” shrieked Monomon as she smacked Dave in the head with her fat yardstick. Everyone fell silent again, the exception being the noises of SOAP being squashed by Hornet’s needle, 56 benches, 32 rocks, 3000 weaverlings, and 600 glowing womby fartsmell things. 

“Why you must this to happen? to me do” said SOUP, “Mean so is it!”  
“GRACK GRACK?????” asked Moi, cracking her face on her desk and consuming 12 of her History of Hallownest papers.

“KANI NAKI WAKI!!!!” answered Koi, for no reason at all.

Quirrel raised his hand. “Ma’am? Could you please translate ‘grak grak’ and ‘kani naki waki? I can’t seem to understand this strange Vessel speech.”

“Quirrel, as much as I hate to admit it, I have _no idea_ what that means. The vessels are just being stupid, I guess. Monomon sighed and used her tentacle foot to tap her desk with worksheets.  
“Class, you’d better have annotated at least 7 of those 50 papers by now,” she announced, “If not, hurry up! We only have about 40 minutes left!” 

“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII DID 3333333333 of MY aRTIClESSssSS!” announced Blossom as they waved around their stupid fat article in Hammer’s face. Hammer nodded, their weird hammer thing breaking through the roof and cracking all the lights as their head bobbed up and down, making a huge dent on the ceiling. Monomon sighed, the vessels were breaking her classroom,  _ again, _ and they didn’t even have any money to pay for the damages! Well, at least there was the Pale king who paid enough money to cover all the wreckage. 

“Madam,” said a small voice. “Would you like some cookies?” Monomon looked down and saw Millybug waving around a box of cookies in her direction. 

“Oh, thank you child, but I’m fine. Now go back to your seat and annotate your articles.”

“C o o k i e s ,” Millybug said as she waddled back to her seat, being one of the only well-behaved children who acted like an actual child, not like the weird screeching bottles of void and circles of garpede mush flopping around the tables behind Monomon. Fleas hopped around Severin as she settled down, looking with an expression of confusion and worry as Deduline started shoving jars of chalkdust into his eyeholes. 

“Hey,” Cloth whispered, tapping on SOAP’s smushed shoulder. “Can I please copy off of you? I’m really bad at annotation.” SOAP handed Cloth their papers. 

“Uhh…” Cloth looked down at SOAP’s papers, which were covered in scribbles and really bad drawings of Joth and Hornet slapping SOAP on the head with stinky rocks, needles, and benches. Slowly, Cloth handed SOAP back their papers and went back to trying to annotate the 5094058 articles herself. 

“You are all too slow,” said Monomon, “And I usually don’t do this, but I am in, well, in the Nightmare King’s words, ‘In a pissy mood today’. So, if you cannot complete the work by the end of class today, you will get detention. I just want to remind you that the Nightmare King is going to be in charge of detention for the rest of the month, maybe longer, so work well and work fast.” As if a switch had been flipped, everyone began to frantically scribble all over their papers, highlighting words and writing down summaries in a frenzy of markers, confusion, and panic. 

“FRick frIck FRICK,” muttered Tiso as he aggressively scribbled using his highlighter. 

“What’s wrong?” Cloth whispered as she continued highlighting the entire paper until the whole thing was a yellow mass of scribbles. 

“My marker dried out,” Tiso replied, frantically shaking the marker in an attempt to get it to work again. 

“I know!” said Grimmchild, pulling a Primal Aspid out of his mouth, “Use this thing! It spits orange highlighter stuff!”  
“Or,” said Dave, “You could be like Hammer over there.” Hammer was hanging around and throwing up on the desk, using the voidy vomit like a highlighter. Tiso took the Primal Aspid from Grimmchild and began viciously scrubbing it all over his paper.

“Thanks, Grimmchild,” Tiso said, nodding in appreciation. Meanwhile, SOAP reached out to Quirrel, their eyes radiating an aura of a dying old spinach stuffed inside of a tuba factory. 

“Please I may copy,” SOAP asked Quirrel the Girl weakly, still being crushed by 498759837589437985 needles, benches, weaverlings, grubs, and glowing fartsy things. 

“Sorry, but copying is cheating, is it not?” Quirrel whispered back to SOAP. “And I’m a model student, and it’s against the rules… Sorry, I can’t let you cheat.”

SOAP let out a noise that sounded quite similar to that of a sad, wet balloon being deflated after a clown had stuck its nose onto it. Hesitating, Quirrel sighed before sliding his already annotated articles to SOAP.

“I can’t say no to a face like that,” Quirrel said as SOAP beamed with happiness, their nonexistent, cracked, yellow teeth showing right before Grimmchild flew by and yanked them all out. 

After scribbling random things on History of Hallownest, Monomon stood up and said, “Time’s up! Turn in the papers you’ve done! Remember to have your name on them and make sure to have done at least 10 of them.”

Everyone got up to turn in their papers before flopping out the door to go to the next class.

“What is next class I my memory was the fried,a,” said Jake as he flopped next to Blossom like a drunk snake attempting to mimic an Earthworm. 

“Well actually, right now it’s lunchtime!” Quirrel replied. “But if you mean after lunch, then that would be the fifth period, which is Fighting/Sparring class with Grimm and the Nightmare King.”

Suddenly, Dave ran away to the Lunch Bench, but he soon ran back, screaming, “JOTH ALMIGHTY THE BACK IS!!!” SOAP cried out in terror and left to eat something in Greenpath instead of the Lunch Bench. 

“Have some food,” Divine cackled evilly, waving around lunch trays and slapping down some bowls of fruit onto a table. Grimm appeared out of nowhere, smacking Divine upside the head.

“Do not the curse the food to make them eat it and turn into toads,” he yodeled before disappearing again. Divine grumbled before clearing out all the food and replacing it with stuff that was actually edible. Students swarmed around the table, nearly hundreds of them digging into the meals that were provided. The rest of the hundreds were finding places to sit and enjoy the food that they packed themselves. Grimmchild sat down next to the gardens, shoving flames into his mouth and eating charcoal happily as he counted the teeth he had collected during the day. 

Soon, some students heard wailing from the cafeteria for the teachers and sobbing.   
“VESTIINGATE????” asked Koi

“INGATEVEST!” answered Moi, and they set off to figure out what the weird crying noises were. They got to the cafeteria and snuck into the Teacher’s Loungey Thingy wingy poopeueiu889898iiiiiii my brain ruptured9. 

  
“Why won’t you ever give me the food??” sogged Grimm miserably, “I need the energy more because the students aren’t scared of me so they annoy me as much as they can!” He threw his hands in the air and made a noise that resembled a pig trying to eat rubber balloons while crying like a 3-month old that had wet their diaper. 

“I am the dominant one, and I eat the flames. It’s simple!” stated the Nightmare King as if it were perfectly normal to half starve your other half.

“But if I die, you’ll have no more Troupe Master Grimm-” Grimm started, but was soon interrupted.

The Nightmare King said, “No, I can just make you a new body and reincarnate you to have you stuck in this endless cycle of suffering, therefore it’s fine, so I eat the food.” There was a slight pause before the Nightmare King continued.

“And pick your hands off of the floor, it is rude to leave your limbs lying around!”

“But I threw them, so how am I going to pick them back up without hands?!” Grimm protested as he tried to pick up his hands that he threw earlier. “And if anyone here is rude, it would be you! I’m starving, you lump of rotten cherry dung fish sticks!”

Koi and Moi snuck back out, they were too bored because that was a boring conversation. 

“BORE ING” screeched Koi when they got out, “ING BORE IN GB ORE BOR IGN!”

  
“HUH UH!” replied Moi, making her way back to the table of cursed fruit that turns students into frogs. 

The bell rang and the students began to finish conversations and file out of the lunch area, sliding towards the last classes of the day.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sparring class with grimm & nk, hooray

T he ugly foot fungus-ridden children waddled towards the PE fields where Grimm and the Nightmare King were waiting.

“I still don’t get why you are allowed to teach the children sparring whereas I am only to assist,” the Nightmare King growled softly to Grimm.

“I am to teach them, because if it were the other way around, you would be killing them all one by one and there would be shades popping around all over the place and too many children would be respawning on the benches to the point where the whole kingdom would be overrun by dead children, upset parents, and demolished benches,” Grimm whispered back. “And also, I think that everyone can agree that out of the two of us, I would be the better teacher.”

The Nightmare King scoffed and crossed his arms, turning away from Grimm to stare coldly at the children. 

“Alright, this is what you should not do,” said Grimm, right before the Nightmare King threw a fireball at him and then cut his head off. Grimmchild sighed and floated up to Grimm’s corpse, morphed into Grimm, and threw up another Grimmchild. 

“So does everyone have a needle, nail, or other weapon?” asked Grimm, “If not, go to the weapons room with the Nailsmith and ask for one.” 

“IIIIIIii brought my own,” said Hornet as she waved around her long stupid needle. 

“MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE too” yelled Myla as she held up a fat pickaxe. SOAP weakly raised their blunt stupid nail as Quirrel proudly held up his own skinny weird long nail.

Lace looked at Hornet’s boring, grey needle.

“Ha!” she said, “ _ My _ needle is purple and fancy and gold and rainbow and stupid!”

“OH YEAH!?” screeched Hornet, “MY NEEDLE IS BENDY!” She then bonked SOUP in the face to prove her point (well, she was just bored). SOAP screamed and exploded into a puff of abyss creature thingies and swallowed everyone up, killing them all. 

Five seconds later, everyone respawned on top of a fat bench. The weight of the Nightmare King, Grimm, SOAP, Hornet, Quirrel, and Lace was enough to crack the bench in half and make everyone grumpy. 

“SSTTTOPPOPPPPP bullying each other and go polish your weapons or something,” Grimm retorted as he kicked all the children off of his horns. 

“RUSSIAN ROULETTE!” screeched SOAP loudly as they pulled out an extremely ugly revolver. 

“Not now, maybe after class,” said Grimm as he smacked the ugly revolver out of SOAP’s stupid voidy grasp. 

“OOOH OHOOH OOOH!” screeched Dave as he came tumbling back uphill holding a very fat long nail. “GRIMM SIAD THAT IF WE ARE THE IS GOOD IN CLASS, THEN WE CAN PLAY RUSSIAN ROULETTE IN THE EDDNDND!!!”

“What is Rrrrrrussian Rrroulette,” asked Zemmoth as she tapped Cloth on the shoulder. 

“Oh!” said Cloth. “It’s a very fun game! Trust me, you’ll love it.”

“It’s just suicide with extra steps and friends involved,” Myla chimed in. “It’s very fun, and it’s super good for a bonding experience with your friends!”

“Actually, we use it as a sense to get new students used to sparring class and witnessing death,” Grimm replied as he peeled a very squashed SOAP off of his horn. “Once you see your friends die 3 or 4 times, you get used to it and it doesn’t become as traumatic. Very useful for when you’re in an actual battle!”

“Urm, but we rrrrrespawn though, corrrrrect?” Zemmoth asked nervously.

“Of course we do, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t any pain,” Tiso added. “But you know what they say, No pain, no gain!”

“I have taught them so well,” Grimm sniffled as he wiped a tear from his eye. 

“This is the only class that you can actually succeed in,” the Nightmare King retorted, narrowing his eyes as he observed Hornet bonking Lace on the head with a mace.

“Oh hush, you’re just jealous of my awesome teaching skills.”

“FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN!!” said Afro, “FUN FUN FUN FUN!!” 

“I steel ur fone” said Moi, “I eat ur whiteboard.”

  
“Grimm is this??” asked Koi as she noticed a butterfly fly around in the shape of a piece of metal being eaten by Edward Elric from FullMidget Alchemist. 

“No,” said Grimm, “Just pick out your weapons!” 

Moi picked up a nail and smacked her face with it, breaking the nail. 

“I am am am am am am foot,” she declared quickly, before picking up another nail and smacking her face with that one as well, “OH BrokE it OoPS.” 

“Have you children finished picking out your weapons yet?” Grimm asked. “We really do need to start.” A chorus of ‘yes’ and several ‘no’s ran throughout the chirping voices of the children. Grimm sighed.

“Well then, quickly pick out your weapons. I will give you two minutes to decide before I pick for you.”

Suddenly, a crack was heard as Moi picked up the last nail and whacked her face with it. It broke, and she waddled up to the needles and broke several of those, too.

“Oooohhoohhohoohohho IIIIIIII” said Koi as she picked up a mace that was too big for her to even carry. “IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII USE WILL THIS!”

“Are you sure?” Grimm asked as he watched the small little shrimpy vessel attempt to drag the fat mace out of the pit.

“NO!” yelled Koi happily as she ran away, dragging the mace along with her. 

“IIIIIIIIII!!” yelled Moi as she broke 7 more needles, and moved to the staffs. She quickly “tested” them out and decided that a dead Gruz Mother corpse was the best weapon for her to use. She somehow dragged the fat, heavy bones to where Koi was standing and cracking other vessel’s faces open with her oversized mace. Zemmoth, being the last one without a weapon scurried around, trying to find one suitable for her. Finding none, she went up to Grimm.

“Ssssssir, is it alrrright forr me to go without a weapon?”

“Are you sure?” Grimm inquired as he polished his blade, “Everyone else has a weapon to spar with.”

“I’m surrre.”

“Okay then, go and line up with the other children while you wait.”

“I am a living pickaxe,” said Myla, turning into the muscles man. “Whomst shall be my sparring partner?”

“WHO HERE IS THE GREATEST, MIGHTIEST WARRIOR?????” shrieked Zote as he ran around, screeching. “WHOEVER IS THE STRONGEST MUST FIGHT WITH ME!”

Suddenly, Joth burst out of the training bench, defying all laws of science, and squished SOAP with 934 benches and 72872 rocks.

“Can you kindly leave the little squidjie alone for now?” Nightmare King asked Joth, flicking him on the forehead. “After class, you may harass SOAP, but now would not be a suitable time.”

“O ok” said Joth as he disappeareeeeeeeed. 

“IIIIIIIII AMNOT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!!!!!!!” SOAP howled in fury, rolling around and throwing up 5 geo every time their skull rattled.

“Quiet down, small man,” the Nightmare King barked. “I only did that because we need to get on with this sparring!”

“Helping my class, how nice of you,” Grimm said wryly as he finished sharpening his cloak, “Maybe do that for me next period as well.”

“DOMA DOMA DOMA,” screeched Tarzan Shietthrower the Dung thing that teaches trumpets and Protects Poop even though this is the middle of Sparring.

“Hello,” said Snej as he thumped onto the ground for no reason in particular, other than the fact that Woji had just climbed up to the roof, picked him up, and had thrown him to the ground, “Nice day, isn’t it? Though, the ground could use some roof spikes! It sure would be cozy!” 

“Oh, hello there. I was just about to have my students spar each other, maybe you could watch?” Grimm offered, flexing his wrist experimentally.

“It would be a pleasure.”

“Get on with it,” growled the Nightmare King as he swung a spear around. “My flames are starting to leak from being held back this long.”

“Grumpy fellow, aren’t you!” Snej exclaimed before bouncing away to watch from the safety of a Palm tree. Before the Nightmare King could bound after him, Grimm grabbed him by the elbow and yanked him back to the other students.

“Alright children!” Grimm looked around at the weaponized idiots with a carefully blank expression, “So everyone has picked their partners already, correct?” 

“YYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAADDD” replied the children, horribly mispronouncing ‘yes.’

“Pick a section that you want to spar with your partner in. And before you begin, watch me.” When everyone had settled in their own areas to spar, Grimm yelled for them to pay attention. 

“Alright class, now I’m sure we all know the proper fighting stance to take position in, correct?” Grimm asked. Surveying the crowd of stinky pairs, he spotted Rainle and Respo. “RAINLE!”

“Yes, sir?”

“Take a fighting stance.” Rainle immediately stood up, his needle clutched in both of his hands, pointing downwards as he centered his stance, his right leg in front and his left leg back. His shoulders were relaxed and his head was tilted forward, his wings tucked in but ready to spring into action if necessary. 

“Immaculate demonstration!” Grimm nodded, signaling Rainle that he could stop. “Now, I am sure that many of you know what a parry is, and I am quite sure that all of you have some idea of how to do it. However, are you able to do it effectively?” 

“This is stupid, just show them how and make them do laps if it’s wrong..” muttered the Nightmare King.

“This proves you are an incompetent teacher,” replied Grimm, “In terms of power, you are the dominant one, but I am your superior in teaching!” 

“Would you like to test that little method of yours?” the Nightmare King hissed as he flared his cloak... 

“What is happening?” Severin whispered to Zemmoth. “I thought he was teaching us something?”

“I have no doubts that he is,” Zemmoth whispered back roughly. “Howeverrrr, I think that he is about to demonstrrrrrrrate sometthing.”

“I would watch closely if I were you two,” Cloth whispered to Zemmoth and Severin hushedly. “This is usually how he does his method of teaching, no matter how dangerous it seems….”

“Not now, perhaps later,” Grimm said, tapping the Nightmare King’s mask. “As I was saying! A parry would be a counterattack, would it not? How many of you here are confident with your skills of parry slashes?” Several students raised their hands. 

“Excellent! Now let’s see, who shall be the second demonstration…” spotting SOAP raising their tiny, smushed hand, Grimm clicked his tongue in delight. “SOAP! Come up here and demonstrate a parry with me!”

“I AM NOT SOAP!!” protested SOAP as they walked up to Grimm. Grimm shrugged before watching as SOAP clambered onto the platform. 

“Right then,” he said, his cloak unraveling to form a blade on his right arm.

“Raise your weapon and take a fighting stance. I am ready whenever you are.” With his last statement, Grimm and SOAP began to circle each other, their blades poised carefully. SOAP lunged first, attempting to slash at Grimm with a simple upper swipe of the blade, only for Grimm to easily block the attack. SOAP whipped around with their blade to do three quick jabs at Grimm, only for him to skitter backward and away from the small flicks. 

“SOAP! SOAP! SOAP! SOAP! SOAP!” chanted the class, not knowing why they were cheering for SOAP. SOAP was becoming increasingly agitated with the fact that Grimm wasn’t attacking and their energy was running out and the class was calling them SOAP and they were NOT SOAP!!!!

“Fine then!” yelled Cloth, “SOUP! SOUP! SOUP!” Soon, the rest of the class joined in.

“SOUP! SOUP! SOUP! SOUP! SOUP! SOUP!” they chanted. Finally, SOUP snapped.

“I AM NOOOOOOT SOUP OR SOAP!!!!” shrieked SOUP as they lunged forward impulsively, trying to smack Grimm with their dull little nail. Grimm took SOUP being distracted as an opportunity to strike and dashed forward. Lunging, he swiped at SOUP with his cloak tendril-sword arm thingy and swung at SOUP. SOUP barely had time to block the attack as Grimm swung down. Right as Grimm was about to pull away again, SOAP lashed out with their nail, trying in vain to hit Grimm. 

“SOP????” asked Moi.

“SOP!!!!!!!!! SOP!!! SOP!!!!!!!!!!!” screeched Koi, “SOP! SOP! SOP!!!”

“AAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII AMMMMMMMM NOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTT SOP, SOUP, SOAP, ORRRRRRR POOPOOPOOPOO AAAAAAAAAAAA!” screeched SOAP as Grimm skittered away. 

“THAT IS QUITE ENOUGH!” barked the Nightmare King. 

“POOPOOPOOPOO AAAAAAAAAAA????” asked Moi

“HM MMMM!!!!” agreed Koi. Suddenly, there was a loud _ BANG _ . Students fell silent as they looked back towards the platform where SOP, Grimm, and the Nightmare King stood. The Nightmare King glared at the students below, his cloak tendrils retreating after slamming a massive hole into the earth to get the student’s attention. 

“Thank you, Nightmare King,” Grimm said. The Nightmare King didn’t reply, still glaring down at the miserable excuses for children flopping around below him. 

“I was expecting more from students like you,” Grimm said as he surveyed the crowd. “Distracting a student while sparring for the demonstration? I do hope you were paying attention, otherwise, the field might get…..  _ messy. _ ”

“CHEER WE WERE!!!” protested some in the class, “ING CHEER WERE WE!!”

“E Techer longe lunch grimm” whispered Koi to Moi, who responded with “Hm mmm!”

“It doesn’t matter,” Grimm hissed. “SOAP (I AMMMM NOTTT SOAP!) was being distracted, and I would be quite surprised if any of you have learned anything.”

“Wow, he sounds a bit like the Nightmare King,” noted Cloth. Tiso nodded, as did several others nearby. 

“Yeah, but at the same time, we shouldn’t even be saying anything in the first place,” Quirrel stated, looking down in shame. “In battle, it would be fatal to distract a comrade while they are fending off an enemy.”

“OFf roof the the FISH???????” asked Moi, not sure what she was saying was supposed to mean. 

“Kinda right,” murmured Cloth. “It wasn’t honorable. Sorry, Grimm and SOAP.”

“IIIIII AMAMMMAMMAMAMAMAMAM NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!” yelled SOAP. (“soup?” suggested Hammer)

“‘Kinda.’ Kinda?” snarled the Nightmare King, “Just KINDA?” 

“Do not rip off their legs and stick them into their eyes,” Grimm muttered. “I suppose that they are kids after all…. However, should they do this again, no more Russian Roulette.” The students nodded in acknowledgment before Grimm waved for SOAP to come back up and demonstrate with him again. After Grimm had demonstrated the parry with SOAP, he sent SOAP back down to their sparring partner, Quirrel. 

“Now that you have seen what a parry is, I will demonstrate and show each of you what and what not to do.” Grimm reluctantly turned to face the Nightmare King. “The Nightmare King will help with the demonstration, and let us hope that I’m not obliterated.”

Grimm flexed his elbows, his cloak twisting around his forearms, turning them into blades. The Nightmare King’s cloak wrapped around his arms as well, forming a wickedly sharp needle. Sighing, Grimm steadied himself and stood in a fighting stance. 

“Strike,” he commanded his other half. Barely as the words left Grimm’s mouth, the Nightmare King slammed his blade down onto Grimm. In a flash, Grimm whipped his blade up, successfully blocking the Nightmare King’s previous blow. 

“When blocking an enemy’s weapon, you want to apply an even amount of force between yourself to prevent the result of being overpowered, which is why you must use your other hand to press on the flat part of your blade. However, take caution as to not cut yourself when doing so. Using your other hand to push down on the blade is somewhat risky, so I would advise you to go for this other version of a block instead.” 

The Nightmare King yawned theatrically, already bored because he didn’t have anything to do even though it had only been about 30 seconds before that he had hit Grimm. With a flick of his wrist, the Nightmare King retreated his blade, stepping away from Grimm to wait for his next move. 

“Strike again.” Just as before, the Nightmare King slashed at Grimm mercilessly. Grimm quickly stepped back and blocked the Nightmare King’s attack with his blade. 

“Observe. As I had said before, a safer option for blocking would be to step back and block the weakest part of your partner’s blade using the strongest part of your blade, as I have done so in this situation. Right now, the Nightmare King’s blade tip is being blocked by the base of my blade, meaning that I right now am currently the one with the most control. That being said…” Grimm swiftly lunged forward, whipping his blade around to land a blow on the Nightmare King. The Nightmare King, having expected the slash, easily blocked Grimm’s blade with a quick wave of his blade. A small smile flickered on Grimm’s face as the Nightmare King stopped his blade.

“However, if your opponent is experienced enough, they may be able to determine what move you are going to do next just from your body language. That is a lesson for another time.” Both teachers withdrew their blades and stepped away from each other. “Any questions?”

Grimmchild, who wanted to know how the heck he was supposed to block using a blade when he couldn’t even hold one, raised his wing.

“Dad, how do I hold the blade?” he asked.

“Well,” Grimm replied, “You either spit so much fire at it that the blade melts, or you turn into Buff Grimmchild like you’re going to rip out someone’s teeth and use your arms then to hold the blade.” 

“Oh alright,” said Grimmchild as his wings morphed into burly arms. 

“Wait, I can’t turn my wings into arms,” squeaked Ivy who was having a lot of trouble trying to even lift her needle. “Hoooowww???”

“Do you have a strong mouth?”

“Oh, yeah! My species is known for having some of the strongest jaws in Hallownest!”

“Then just hold it in your mouth.”

Ivy pondered over Grimm’s suggestion before nodding enthusiastically and sticking the needle’s blunt end into her mouth. She clamped her jaws tightly around the needle and dashed towards her partner, swinging at them with the needle. Grimm, somewhat drained from his previous classes flopped over onto the roof and fell asleep. The Nightmare King snorted and walked over to where Grimm was sleeping, trying in vain to wake him up again.

“You need to stop falling asleep on the roof, Grimm,” snapped Monoman, “It’s distracting my students!”

Grimm didn’t reply, he was fast asleep, snoring loudly as the Nightmare King yelled at him to wake up in his dreams. 

“Wake up! You have a class to watch over!” said Monomon angrily. When Grimm didn’t respond, Monomon scoffed and walked away. 

“You know what? Nevermind! I hope you get fired so the students can have someone watching them!”

Grimm responded with a snore, as he didn’t hear Monomon yelling at him. 

“EURGH!” screeched Koi as she tried to throw her mace at Moi, who responded with “NEREW!!!” and threw her Gruz Mother corpse at Koi’s face. In another corner, Grimmchild was clumsily flapping around, a small nail in both hands. He flew around screaming, slashing, and spitting fire at his partner, as well as throwing his pet Primal Aspids. 

“Hey, isn’t that cheating?” whined Ivy as Grimmchild threw up fire and Aspids at her. “You’re only supposed to use your nail for combat, not aspids and fireballs!”

“Well Zemmoth isn’t using a weapon, and she seems fine, so I say that it is fair!” exclaimed Grimmchild as he swung his tiny little nail around with his very muscular arms. 

Grimm snored away, unaware of all of the commotion around him. Fed up with Grimm sleeping and the Nightmare King having to do all of his work, the Nightmare King leaned down and whispered something that only Grimm could hear. Immediately Grimm woke up as he glared at the Nightmare King with a look of anger, confusion, and humiliation. After snarking a few words at the Nightmare King, Grimm sat down to observe as the students practiced with each other. 

Meanwhile, Koi had managed to crush herself with the oversized mace she was wielding. 

“HE??????????” said Moi in confusion as she watched her twin smack herself in the face with a mace, “DO TOO I WELL AS????” She began smacking her face as well with the Gruz Mother corpse. 

Meanwhile, Rainle tried and failed to tip Respo over using his spear. Respo was too fast and Rainle’s eyes couldn’t keep up, resulting in the both of them being very confused. Respo was spraying acid in Rainle’s direction with Rainle narrowly avoiding the searing substance. 

On the other end, Bretta was trying to keep up her stance as she battled Myla, who graciously did not turn into her huge muscle man form. Zote was getting beat up by Cedrin who was wielding a bench, resembling that of Joth who also happened to be his father. Yvette was parrying Finette’s blows, her small, rusty needle loose in her shaky arms. Yvette wasn’t very good when using weapons, but she had to tail to make up for that. Her tail’s end opened, splitting into what resembled a flower with four petals. The inside of her tail’s mouth was lined with spikes, a single black, sharp tongue lying in the middle, coiled but ready to spring out and act as a second weapon for her to use. Finette waved her nail around with surprising strength and precision considering that she was using her antennae to wield the small weapon. Her thick skin prevented Yvette from coming too close, but in terms of speed, she wasn’t very fast. 

Severin dashed towards Zemmoth, her needle fast and sharp, her wings fluttering to help with her acrobatic maneuvers. Zemmoth, though having no wings, was just as fast on the ground as she dodged Severin’s jabs. Zemmoth was a blur of speed and spikes, her spines flaring as she met each blow of Severin’s needle with her heavily armoured body. Her spiked tail whipped around dangerously, almost catching Severin in the face a few times. Both partners were equally matched, speed and power almost exact. 

On the separate end of the field, SOUP and Quirrel were sparring. Quirrel was fast, with his needle wielding long and his strikes hard to keep up with, however, SOAP had a few tricks up their sleeve. SOAP was fast, but clearly quite slower than Quirrel. This did not hinder SOAP however. Every time Quirrel would take a first strike, SOP would parry the blow before letting out a spell. Quirrel would either be forced to retreat or be blasted by SOAP’s spell, making it more difficult for him to land an attack on SOAP. SOAP was a matched enemy for Quirrel to spar with, but soon SOUP’s soul is going to run out and they will need to have a second plan. 

Grimm observed the field of sparring duos, taking notes on each of them and their forms as the Nightmare King leaned over his shoulder to watch as well. 

“Perhaps you are an alright teacher,” the Nightmare King muttered as he watched the students trip over and slap each other with their spiky eyelids and smelly fingers. A small smile flickered across Grimm’s face.

“Told you.”

“IIIIIIIIIIIOOOOHHOHOHOHOHOHOHO” yelled Dave as he ran towards Jake, whipping his way too long nail around in circles, somehow effectively preventing Jake from hitting him. Jake sniffed some dirt in response, grabbing his own fat stupid nail and attacking the ground with it. Clover sat on the ground, poking Millybug with her nail. Millybug blocked all of Clover’s ‘attacks’, but was becoming very bored because she preferred baking class. Hammer was sparring with Blossom, who was dashing around using a smelly mothwing cloak that reeked of dying Mawleks and greenpath slug slime. The stench was so terrible that Hammer became nauseated and started throwing up all over the place, spreading the vomit using their head hammer thingy as Blossom fell over into a cauldron of foul, smelly vomit. Nevertheless, Grimm continued to write down notes as he watched the students spar badly. 

“Iiiiin i i i i i ii ii ii a a a you are the needled me i oowowoowowowooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww;” stammered SOAP as they were tipped over by Quirrel. 

“Oops, sorry friend,” Quirrel said as he leaned down to help SOUP back up. “I didn’t mean to strike you that hard, are you alright?”

“Yed,” replied SOP as they grasped Quirrel’s hand and pulled themself back up. “I are the did needed souls so sorry hit you are was oopsies notes im is give want is kinda stress must ???”

“I believe we receive our notes at the end of class. Grimm writes notes for every student to read so that they can improve. I think it’s rather nice of him to do that, especially because we get to take them home…. Although, some students have trouble reading cursive.”

“Can’t can’t.”

“You can’t read his handwriting?”

“Cuuuurrsssiiiveee no read no thanks thanks no cant cant cant read nottttttt” said SOP as they slapped themself in the face with their nail.

“I can read your notes to you if you want,” Quirrel offered. SOAP pondered over Quirrel’s suggestion before replying.

“Yeyyeeyysyssyssssss please want i dododdodoooooooooooo!” SOUP said happily. Satisfied, Quirrel and SOAP went back to sparring. 

Meanwhile, Hornet who was paired with Lace was throwing insults at Lace faster than Grimm crying to the Nightmare King about how his students in the Music room weren’t listening to him. 

“YOURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SO UNEDUCATED,” screamed Honret as she slapped Lace on the head with her stinky needle. “YOURE ARE SO UNEDUCATED THAT YOU CAN’T READ GRIMMS HANDWRITING!!!”

“WELL NEITHER CAN YOU!!!!” Lace yelled back as she threw smelly flies into Hornet’s eyes. 

“NOBODY CAN!!!” screeched another random student from all the way on the other side of the field. Lace and Hornet were so loud with their stupid insults that almost the entire class could hear them shrieking at eachother about green barley wheat frog flavored moldy cockroaches stuck inside of the Seer’s yellow Bardoon toes soup.

“My handwriting isn’t  _ that  _ bad!” complained Grimm, “I can read it!”

“It’s not bad,” said the Nightmare King, “It’s just that you keep using cursive for some reason, and the students are too idiotic to know how to read cursive.”

“We really need a cursive lesson in writing,” muttered Grimm.

“ _ Or _ , you could just write normally,  _ in print _ ,” suggested the Nightmare King.

“No, you know I don’t write very fast using print! Cursive is much better in terms for taking notes… for me, at least. Also, Quirrel can just read it to them!”

“Yes, I can!” said Quirrel, overhearing their conversation because SOAP’s confusing speech was becoming stranger and stranger.

“EYELIW CRUSVE REDAD BBBBCANNOT WILL AREeEEE!” wailed SOP with the sadness of a dying whale crying over its dead tomato garden. 

“YOU ARE ADINOT GOING TO GET A JOB BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO STUPID TO!!!” honked Hornet angrily as her needle kept getting longer and began piling around her like a giant pile of spaghetti, “STUPID BENDY NEEDLE GO!!” Suddenly, Hornet’s needle began spiking all over the place and poked Lace and SOUP in the faces at the same time.

“ _ AHEM _ ? Not gonna get a job? SAYS THE BUG WHO CAN’T EVEN TALK CORRECTLY!  _ I _ ALREADY  _ HAVE _ A JOB!” Lace countered, slashing out with her needle in a quick flurry of strikes, giggling and cackling like a crazy woman, “ _ You _ are the one that won’t get a job!”

“Job is what a?” asked Moi in confusion as she watched Koi try to pick up her mace, but end up getting smushed, along with her shade, before respawning at a bench.

“Job a is a a a a trane???” suggested Koi helpfully before she got squashed by the mace and respawned, “A trane type is of space maggot??”

“You have a job?” Zemmoth asked in confusion. “May I assssk what type of job you have?”

Lace didn’t respond. Everyone had their eyes trained on her, Trobbio and Sharpe staring at her with hard eyes. 

“It’s none of your beeswax!” Lace said snottily, after a while. “Why should I tell smelly scrubs like you? You’re all probably too stupid to understand anyways!”

“Iii i i i i i i i i i i” stammered SOAP. “Sheeeeeeeeeeeeee is an ssassisnans “

“What” said Lace in confusion. Sweat dripped off of her face, because SOAP’s guess was almost exactly correct, if it weren’t for the little vessel’s random and terrible lettering.

“I think they said that it Lace was an.... Assassin?” Quirrel translated. SOAP nodded as they melted into a puddle of weaverlings, void, and glowing womb thingies. 

“YYesseeseseseseseseddesdseded” said SOP as their nail got stuck inside of their forehead.

“N-no, I am most certainly  _ not _ !” stammered Lace angrily, “Why would you ever  _ think _ that, you stupid vessel!” She threw some flies at SOUP as well as Hornet. 

“Get good at lying, you smelly woman!” screeched Hornet, plapping a weird looking weaverling on Lace’s face, which bit her, “You tried to stick fly juice into my lunch last week because you said it looked like me!”

“This makes for quite some entertainment,” noted the Nightmare King as Grimm leaned on him, intently writing notes. Hornet’s leg extended as she poked Lace’s smelly face with her needle while Lace yelled at her. 

“I AM  _ NOT _ AN ASSASSIN!” screeched Lace as she rolled around in circles, trying to dodge Hornet’s weird stupid needle. “THE ONLY REASON I’M TRYING TO KILL THE STUPID SPIDER IS BECAUSE SHE’S SO ANNOYING!”

“Wait, but yesterday you told me that you would get more money the sooner you killed her, so you were planning on sticking a fly up her nose so that she got very annoyed and would try to suicide?” Trobbio said, visibly confused. Sharpe turned around and elbowed Trobbio in the stomach.

“Why would you just  _ tell _ them all her plans out loud like that?!” Sharpe snarled as Trobbio let out a shout of pain. 

“I write was,” said SOUP as they glopped over to their nail, attempting to wrench it out of Lace’s fat forehead. Lace turned around and kicked SOP before scoffing and walking away. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> end of sparring class + math class

“You are aware that Hornet cannot be permanently killed, right?” Grimm asked as he looked up from his notes, still leaning on the Nightmare King as he surveyed Lace with a blank expression. “Like everyone here, she will just respawn over and over again, coming back to torment you for sticking flies into her drink no matter how many times you kill her.”

“You said that everyone here respawns, yet you don’t!” cried Lace as she pointed to Grimm.

“Yes I do,” stated Grimm. “Watch.”

With a sickening crack, Grimm snapped his neck and fell over, dead. 

“Ooooh, that was a nasty crack,” the Pale Lurker noted as most of the new students looked at Grimm’s dead body in horror. 

“OH COME ON!!” yelled Grimmchild grumpily as he flapped up to his dead father’s corpse, morphing into Grimm before throwing up a new Grimmchild. The Nightmare King rolled his eyes, handing the newly reincarnated Grimm back his stupid notes. 

“See? I do respawn! Though this body would technically be my son’s grown up body, the flames have burned away most of his presence and replaced it with the one that was, in this case, me. So technically, this is my body, an exact replica of how I was before I killed myself!” Grimm looked over to see where his corpse had once laid. “And to prove my point, there's nothing left but a small flickering flame where my corpse has once been.” Grimm swatted at the flame, shoving it into his mouth and eating it before the Nightmare King could snatch it up. 

“Yeah, yeah,” muttered Grimmchild. “Yall better get ready, because the way I’m conjured is **_nasty_ **…” 

“No,” hissed the Nightmare King, slapping his hand around Grimm’s mouth to stop him from spewing out disgusting reproduction information that nobody needed. “Tell them that _later_ , most preferably before they eat lunch. I don’t want vomit all over my teaching area.”

“Kinda too late for that,” muttered Cloth as she observed the Hammer vessel rolling uphill while throwing up void everywhere. Then, Grimm noticed screeching coming from the Music Classroom.

“HEY!” yelled Grimm as he glared at the class running around the windows in the music room. “NO THROWING YOUR HEADS AT THE METRONOME, EVEN IF BRUMM SAYS THAT YOU CAN!!! _I PAY FOR THOSE!!!!_ ”

“No you don’t,” said the entire sparring class. 

“No you don’t,” responded Brumm from the window, pausing from running after the crazy students in the music room to address Grimm. 

“No, he doesn’t,” stated the Nightmare King, flicking Grimm on the forehead. Grimm huffed angrily before skittering away.

Grimm stumbled into a corner by the P.E. shed and began crying quietly. 

“I take it that this means that I am in charge?” asked the Nightmare King, not waiting for an answer from Grimm the Sobbing Heap that Does Nothing Except Cry, “Yes, I think I am in charge.”

“Oh no!” said Cloth, “Everyone, _run_!!” All the students then started screaming and running and hiding under benches and screaming some more and trying to turn into bushes. Koi and Moi ran into the girl’s bathroom, even though nobody even used that thing (the only thing that bathrooms were used for was to hide from teachers, as most students are unable to defecate, urinate, or give birth. Students who can always make waste in the school garden, because why not).

“Wow, they really don’t like me,” said the Nightmare King as he pulled a screaming Cloth out of the hole she was digging, only to find out that it was a lunch bag, and the real Cloth was somewhere else underground. 

“IIIIIIOI TREREEEE AMMAMMMAMAM!!!” whispered Hammer as they put a bush on their hammerhead and painted themself brown. They stood in place for a while, before falling down and crushing Zemmoth, who was behind a garbage can. Just like a real tree!

“Why is that tree bouncing and throwing up?” wondered Quirrel aloud as he tried to find a hiding place, “Quite fascinating!” He decided hiding behind the tree was not safe, maybe the science classroom would be safe? 

“IiiiiiiiIIIIIIIII!!!” screamed Dave, stupidly giving away the location of himself, Blossom, and Jake. 

“You STUPID IDIOT!!” screeched Jake, as he ran away screaming as the Nightmare King tried to grab them so that he could teach Sparring to at least one student. Meanwhile, Blossom was trying to give herself a concussion so that she could hide in the school nurse’s office. 

“IIIIIIIII!!!” screeched Dave the Puddle, sliding away to pretend he was a water puddle.

Erith, wanting to prove how brave he was, ran outside screeching as he flew around the Nightmare King’s head giving Ivy, Pale Lurker, Terzu, and Millybug some time to hide. 

“If only they showed this kind of energy in P.E. class,” grumbled the Nightmare King as he grabbed a wriggling Hammer Vessel out of the garbage can, “You know, I’m going to set you all on fire next class!”

“That makes no difference!” screeched Ivy from somewhere.

“Hey, Nightmare King! Can’t you please quiet down?!” yelled Dung Defender from the Music Classroom window, “Your crazy game of ‘hide and freak’ is distracting the students!”

“ _You_ try making 36 stupid screaming students shut up and spar! I haven’t even done anything yet!” retorted the Nightmare King, trying to figure out whether he should have Zemmoth respawn at the bench, or send her to the Nurse’s room.

Grimmchild flapped up to Grimm, who was still sobbing up a storm in the corner.   
“Dad, _please_ take over the class before Nightmare King Dad kills us all,” he pleaded.

No response, other than sobbing and mumbling, and more weeping. Grimm was like a depressed soggy, floppy sausage. Grimmchild sighed, it looked like he had to resort to violence.

“Dad, _take over the class now_ , or else I will _rip out your teeth_!” he threatened, as his wings grew into buff arms. 

“mMmnnmnooooooooo,” sogged Grimm, bending over like a dead earthworm. “What difference does it maaaakkeeee? I get paid minimum wage just to do this, when I could totally just stay at home and be a regular housewife!” Grimmchild facepalmed, exasperated with both of his stupid and weird fathers. 

“First of all, you’re a guy, and I don’t think that’s how it works. Second of all, stop it with the theatrics, it just makes you sound extra weird! And third of all, didn’t you say that if the Nightmare King were to teach any more classes, the result would be indefinite misery, death, and upset parents? Step it up and go stop him!” Grimmchild snapped like a clam in the sink at Grimm. Sniffling, Grimm wiped away a few of his tears to look up at Grimmchild, who was floating up above him with his muscular arms flexing menacingly, his gaze desperate. 

“You sound a lot like the Nightmare King,” Grimm said, heaving himself back up. “You are right though… I shouldn’t have just run off like that. No matter how depressed I may be, shrinking away and crying isn’t going to solve anything….” 

Getting up, Grimm picked up a rock and ran out from the side of the shed before chucking it at the Nightmare King. 

“HEY! WHO GAVE _YOU_ PERMISSION TO RUN MY CLASS?” Irked, the Nightmare King turned around to look coldly at Grimm. 

“Be my guest,” he growled. “You’ll be lucky if you can find most of them by the end of the period.”

“OI, CRACKHEADS! WHO SAID YOU WERE DISMISSED?!” Grimm shrieked. The students, hearing Grimm’s voice instead of the Nightmare King’s began to crawl out of their hiding places. Koi and Moi shot out of a toilet in the girl’s bathroom, Zemmoth respawned, Erith landed, the Hammer vessel squirmed out of Nightmare King’s hand, Cloth emerged from the ground, Tiso crawled out from underneath the Radiance’s pet Mawlek, SOAP waddled out of the Abyss, and many other students soon found their way back to the school grounds. 

“Greetings once again, you mischievous wads of dirt! As it is only 5 minutes until the ending period of the day, I shall be giving you all your notes on what you should improve and so on. Sadly, there isn’t enough time to play Russian Roulette. However, perhaps on Wednesday we will be able to, if you were as lovely as you were today.” Grimm handed each student their notes. 

“Consider taking cursive classes if you wish not to go through the trouble of needing a translator,” Grimm whispered to SOAP before handing the last notes to Terzu. 

“I HAMMER MAN SUPER AM THE!!” shrieked Hammer, wearing a bush on their head.

“Why super are hero you?????” inquired SOP as Honret’s bendy, smelly needle poked them in the face. 

“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII” replied Jake as he fell into the abyss even though it was like 4 areas away from the school grounds. Right as the last student had received their notes, the bell rang for them to go to the last period of the day. 

“And there goes the bell,” Grimm said smoothly. “Run along, children, you do not want to anger your next teacher.” The children ran to the next class, screaming as they sprinted across the school grounds. Once the children, including Grimmchild were out of sight, Grimm collapsed onto the floor, sucking in deep breaths, fatigued with how long he had to hold up his composure. The Nightmare King bent down next to him, faint worry spilling over his expression as he crouched down to look more closely at Grimm. 

Wordlessly, the Nightmare King waited for Grimm to catch his breath before helping him back up, getting ready for the next class. 

The students waddled back to the main building, getting ready for Math class. They walked through the hallway, watching Monomon with concern as they passed by the Science classroom (Monomon was happily exploding a picture of the Principal with her class in it). 

“Who teche meth,” asked Rainle as he tipped over like a parrot spilling bees and throwing up nostrils through its mango. 

“I Nnot odododoodoo no!!” answered SOUP matter of factly, “I ideadadadadad nooaoaooao haveaveavea~!” 

“I think it’s Lurien who teaches math,” Quirrel answered, looking at his school calendar.

“Wait a minute, we have a school calendar?” Rainle asked as he looked over Quirrel’s shoulder.

“Um, yeah. It shows you where all the classes are and which teachers will be teaching you.”

“Gimme that!” Rainle grabbed for the calendar, pushing Quirrel over to the side.

“Hey, NO!”

Quirrel and Rainle fought over the stinky calendar as SOAP sat on a bench to scribble down on their stupid map. 

“IIIIIIII haavvvvvvvvvvvvvvveeveveveveveveveveveveveveveveveveveven nnn nno o otototoototototoototototototot mep celandat” said Blossom, even though nobody asked and nobody cared. 

“If I knew we had one of those, I could’ve gotten it and saved a lot of time instead of running aimlessly around in circles, trying to find Salubra’s charm class when we didn’t even have charms!” cried Rainle as he reached for the calendar. 

“Well, too bad then!” yelled Cloth as she separated the two, shielding Quirrel from the Terrible Mean Bully Bad Guy Rainle. 

“Rainle, step back! Remember the rules of Hallownest: If they find it, it’s as good as theirs!” Respo whined as she pulled Rainle back. 

“Anyways, isn’t everyone supposed to have their own copies of the School Calendar?” asked Quirrel, “SOAP has one, it’s their map. So does Hornet, and some others.”

“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII AMAMAMAMMAMAMAMAMMAMAMAMA NOIOOOOOTTTTTTT-”

“We get it, WE GET IT! YOU ARE NOT SOAP!” screeched Ivy as she flapped her wings in SOAP’s face before adding quietly, “SOAP.”

Before SOUP could explode in a puff of voidy diarrhea and green baldur shells, Grimmchild announced, 

“I think we’ve arrived at Lurien’s classroom.” Rainle spotted Grimmchild holding a map as well and began to complain, but was soon hushed by Cloth and Respo. 

“Gee, this place looks depressing,” said Cedrin as he strolled up to the door. “It’s literally on the highest floor and it’s almost completely dark with the rain pouring from nowhere outside.” 

“I am scared of the desert full of bright pink frogs,” stated Koi as she looked solemnly at the door. 

“Too Meeeeee,” replied Moi as she plopped herself on Koi’s head like she was a bright pink frog from the desert filled with bright pink frogs. 

“Stop it with the bright pink frogs,” scolded Cloth. “Now somebody open the door or knock on it so that Lurien lets us in, it’s about two minutes until class starts!”

“Alright, class,” started Ivy in a really terrible imitation of Lurien’s voice, “If Koi and Moi are eating bright pink frogs in the Desert of Bright Pink Frogs, and there are 8 bright pink frogs, how many bright pink frogs will devour each Koi and Moi, the bright pink frog eaters die using bright pink frogs?” 

Moi began banging her head against the door. 

“IN US LET!” she screeched, picking up Koi and smacking Koi’s face along with her own against the door. Suddenly the door opened, and Moi smacked Koi’s face against Lurien’s eyeball. 

“Ouch!” exclaimed Lurien as the stupidy Koi vessel was shoved into his eyelid. “You could’ve just knocked!” Lurien stumbled blindly into his classroom as the students followed, Koi wriggling around in vain to try and free herself from the smelly Watcher’s eyeball. 

“Koi plus Lurien ekwels blind Lurien???” asked Moi as if she wasn’t the one who threw Koi into Lurien’s eyeball a few seconds ago.

“I must admit, children,” Lurien sighed as he ran into a wall, further shoving the stinky vessel into his eye. “When I signed up to be a teacher, I never meant to volunteer here.” 

“I don’t blame you,” said Lace as she stared at Hornet, who was poking SOUP in the face like they were a bright pink frog from the desert full of bright pink frogs that ate bright pink frogs. 

“Why are you poking SOP?” inquired Quirrel, “They haven’t even done anything yet.”

“I SOP NOT AM!!!1!!1!!11!!!!!!!!111!1!!” protested SOUP as Honret smacked them in the head. 

“I do not know why they have not dropped out of school yet,” added Lace, “These people are so stupid, I bet they’ll end up in prison.” She walked up to her desk and plopped into a chair like a bright pink frog in the Desert of Bright Pink Frogs. 

“Ha!” Hornet scoffed, and with a thwack, she hit Lace’s fat head with her bending needle, even though she was literally on the other side of the room. She plopped herself on a chair next to SOP, so she could quickly poke them on the head during class.

“sTOP CALLING ME SOAP!!” screeched SOAP as Dave the puddle said, “IiiiiiiiiiiiiiSOUPjoinMeeeEIIIiiiiiiii..” 

“Now, class, are we ready to begin? Or are we going to be chattering and bickering all day?” Lurien started writing a math problem on the chalkboard. _If the wonderful Pale King has 8 teachers, and Isma retires, what percentage of a chance does Lurien the Watcher, the Amazing Pale King’s most loyal subject, have to become a teacher there?_

“Can we have a student come up and read the problem aloud? And maybe pull this vessel out of my eye?” said Lurien, failing to pluck Koi out of his eyeball because he had no arms.

“I will, teacher!” responded Grimmchild, being unusually cheerful, “I will read the math problem!”

“Alright! Read it off the chalkboard, student!”

Grimmchild took a deep breath and said, “If the _snobby_ Pale King has 8 teachers, and Isma retires, what percentage of a chance does Lurien the _Stalker_ , the Pale _Thing’s_ most loyal _fangirl_ , have to _get out_ of this school so _we_ can get a _new_ math teacher?” 

“Hey! That is very rude, young man! Detention! Detention for the rest of the week!” said Lurien indignantly as he wrote on the chalkboard, _Remember to put Grimmchild in detention-rest of the week!_

Grimmchild paused, then decided, “Worth it!” The class also decided on calling Lurien the Watcher Lurien the Stalker, because why not. 

“Well, are you going to solve the problem, CORRECTLY, or not!? Depending on your answer and wording, this could very well determine your grade for the rest of the trimester!” yelled Lurien as he tried to calm the screaming class down and make them stop throwing chalk at each other. 

“I HAVEVVEVEAEAEAEAEEAEAA ANSWERRR THE!!!!” yelled Blossom as she tipped over and rolled onto Deduline, who shook his back to make the stupid vessel go away. 

“Oh, so you do!” Lurien replied happily as he tripped over Severin’s tail and landed on a bookshelf which then resulted in a chain reaction of everything within 20 feet being knocked over. “Will someone please read Blossom’s answer to the class? And also, can someone please get Koi out of my eye?” 

“GET OFF MEEEEEE!!” shrieked Lace, “YOUR FAT FACE IS ON TOP OF ME!” 

“YOU DESERVE IT YOU STUPID USELESS ASSASSIN!!!” screeched Hornet back as her needle started bending and slapping Lace’s face. 

“I’ll read Blossom’s answer, teacher!” yelled Grimmchild as he slid across his table and tipped it over, causing pencils and other equipment to fall onto the floor.

“No, not you!” said Lurien as he tried and failed to walk back to the chalkboard, his vision obscured by the smelly Koi that was shoved into his eye socket. Unfortunately for Lurien, Grimmchild had already made his way to the chalkboard with Blossom’s math book. 

“If the Pale Thing eats a buzzsaw then travels to the Desert of Bright Pink Frogs to pledge his honor in arms for them, Lurien the Stalker will have a 0.00000000000000000001% chance of becoming a math teacher in the White Palace Private school for Snobs!” Grimmchild announced cheerfully. 

“Alright, did you make that up or was it actually written?!” Lurien yelled as he snatched the paper from Grimmchild using his foot because he didn’t have arms. Trying and failing to read it, he exclaimed, “Who here can I trust to read Blossom’s answer properly? AND CAN SOMEONE PLEASE PULL KOI OUT OF MY EYE?”

“Me!” exclaimed Grimmchild, “I can do it better than you!!”

“NO, I SAID NOT YOU!” snorted Lurien, “You're the worst choice possible!”

“Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii” said Blossom as Deduline kicked them across the room. “IIIIIII WROTE SOOOOOOO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL IT READDDD!”

“Finally, someone competent,” muttered Lurien as he turned around to hand Blossom’s math book back to her. 

Blossom then said, “IF WHO WHAT PALE KING BUZZSAW ISMA STALKER THE LURIEN RETIRED TO PRIVATE WHITE SCHOOL PALACE ISLAND IS PERCENTAGE WHERE??????” There was a dramatic pause before she continued. “-099999990908987887897%!!!!!” she exclaimed.

Lurien gasped in horror as he checked his small calculator and found that Blossom was actually speaking the truth. He let out a sad little sigh and continued to fantasize about the Pale King. 

“It must be the vessel in my eye,” he said, “That’s it! The little vessel in my eye is affecting my vision so I can’t read correctly! Somebody pull this Koi out of my eye!” Lurien paused, waiting for someone to volunteer to pull Koi out of his eye. Nobody did.

“OUT ME OUT OUTTTTT OUTTUUTUTUTUTUTU GETTETETET OUT ME IIIISS SHWOWHOHOOHOHIOOOOOOOOOOOI AHAHDHFAGSBDHNBGYDH” screeched Koi as she spasmed, twisting around in circles as she tried to pull her fat head out of the stupid Watcher’s eyeball. The students, hearing Koi’s pitiful pleas for help and rescue, came up to Lurien. Ivy chomped Koi’s foot before tugging, trying and failing to pull the smelly vessel out of Lurien’s eye. Koi continued to shriek. Soon, the whole class was trying to pull Koi out of Lurien’s eye, only for her to be held fast. 

“ON MY COMMAND!” shrieked Severin as she pulled on Grimmchild’s tail. “ONE, TWO, THREE, PULLL!” Everyone yanked on Koi’s foot, the vessel screeching and blubbering about how smelly and dark it was being stuck inside of Lurien’s eyeball. 

“ONE, TWO THREE, PULL!” Finally, with a _pop_ Koi flew out of Lurien’s eye socket. However, Koi’s head came off and was stuck inside of Lurien’s eyeball, so now she was a shade. Koi screeched before disappearing in a puff of void. Three seconds later, Koi ran back into the room, her head and body intact again. 

“JOTH WAS BECHNB YOU THANKS!” she declared before rolling back into her seat. 

Dave gasped, and tried to run out the window. He wanted an excuse to get out of Math. 

“No, not until my class is finished!” Lurien said as he grabbed Dave by the foot and dragged him back in. “Now, as I was SAYING, thank you, students, for helping me get my vision back. Anyways, now to check that math problem…” Lurien fiddled with the calculator before looking at Blossom with an evil grin, his sharp teeth glinting before Grimmchild flew by and yanked them all out. 

“YOU WERE WRONG!” he declared, looking at the calculator and Blossom’s answer. “YOU SAID IT WAS -099999990908987887897% WHEN IT WAS REALLY -099999990908987887898%!!!! Even though it’s only off by one number, that still means you got it wrong, so F- for you.’

“Oooohohjfhhgsdvsdghxzjgk” Blossom said, shrugging. “Well least at i have A++++++++ In pee.” 

“What is pee” asked Dave as he looked inquisitively at Blossom. “Pee techer Noghtmare Kibg?”

“Yus yus,” said SOAP as they were smacked in the face by Honret’s stinky bendy needle that was piling up around her and flooding the classroom like a bowl full of demented rotten Grey Prince Hornet spaghetti.

Bretta decided that it would be a good time to show off her latest drawing- “Grey Prince Zote is Diminished and Dead!” 

“Isn’t it beautiful?” she said, sighing, “It looks as beautiful as what I once thought he was. Now I am smarter and know that he is no longer a prince- he is a useless scoundrel!” 

“It looks nice. If only the real Zote were dead,” remarked Hornet. 

“Know right I,” said SOP as for once they weren’t being bonked in the head by Honret’s needle, “aweameomse woudlwd thata bee.” 

“Children, children, children! Settle down!” yelled Lurien as the students continued throwing melons and paper skirts at each other. 

“I am settled down!” remarked Grimmchild energetically while he proceeded to rip out his desk partner’s teeth, “Mr. Lurien the Stalker, I am settled down and ready to read the next question!” 

“I already said this, NOT YOU!” said Lurien, his voice rising with each word, “You are NOT to speak during class!” Grimmchild made a rude gesture before signing several insults at Lurien using his buff arms. Quirrel raised his hand.

“Mr Lurien? The translation for what Grimmchild is signing is ‘I will rip out your teeth, you snotty, bratty, stupid stalker who simps for the stinky, even snottier, Pale Thing (Who is in love with buzzsaws)!’” Quirrel said this nervously, as those were very rude statements and he didn’t want to offend Lurien the Stalker. 

Grimmchild nodded, with a very wide grin on his face. He signed something and Quirrel gave him a look that was a mixture of worry and surprise. Then, Grimmchild began doodling a very badly drawn comic of Lurien the Stalker being stepped on by a shoe while he ripped out his teeth. 

“The translation for what Grimmchild just signed was ‘Tell Lurien the stupid Stalker that in 3 days he will find a dead rat on his pillow and all his teeth missing,’” Quirrel said, shooting an extremely concerned look at Grimmchild, “And he also wants you to know that you are a “twiddler”.” 

Lurien scoffed. 

“Young man, that is very rude and unacceptable behavior! 3 weeks of detention! If you aren’t careful, it'll turn into a month!”

Grimmchild signed something and Quirrel sighed. 

“Mr. Lurien, he says that detention is just a chance to find 7 dead rats that he will train to go to the Desert of Bright Pink Frogs and send an army of glittery and poisonous Bright Pink Frogs to haunt you for the rest of your life while 12 dead rats dance on your ugly and fat forehead as you sigh and cry and weep about your missing teeth and the rotting milk in your kitchen.” 

“Wow,nightmar keng trait from up pickickci!!” whispered Koi.

“Hm mmm! Yessesese!” replied Moi, watching Grimmchild flex in front of Lurien’s face. “He does really takea after Noghtmare Keng! He looks like Grimm sogbing though.”

“They do indeed lead an interesting life,” Quirrel whispered to the two vessels, sighing as he observed Grimmchild, “I’m not too sure if that’s a good or bad thing.”

The classroom was dead silent for a moment before Dave melted into a puddle of boredom, causing his desk neighbor, Cloth, to slip and fall. 

“One month detention,” muttered Lurien as he wrote on the chalkboard. “It’s almost the end of the period, what now?” Grumbling to himself, Lurien picked up his math book and turned around to face the children. 

“Alright students! Complete page 108-109 and you may leave early, but the rest of you will have to stay until the bell or complete it as homework. I will be grading some papers from the previous class, and come up to me if you need any help.” Lurien sat behind his desk as the room tilted 90 degrees, resulting in all the furniture sliding over to the side and all the students falling out of their chairs, screaming. Lurien ignored them and acted like this was normal. 

“Teacher? Grimmchild says that you are Karen,” said Quirrel slowly, “He says that you are going to end up in the toilet one day, wondering why you have a rat superglued to your eye and why you can only see bright pink frogs instead of teeth, your bed, and your table, and that you will be sadder than Grimm himself when there are no beans and the class is misbehaving and the Nightmare King is bullying him and he is attempting suicide.”

“Wheezus crikey,” muttered Deduline as he tapped Grimmchild on the back. “Stop it already, the man already is already fatigued from the previous classes. Leave the poor old geezer ‘til tomorrow.” Grimmchild shrugged before flapping away to his table, signing a few words back to Deduline who sighed in response. 

“I’m…. not going to translate that,” said Quirrel as he fidgeted nervously.

“IIii owww hoooooo hornet wstop it poke meeeeee” said SOAP as miserably as a green puddle dying in the lake of purple toads. 

The Nightmare King kicked open the door with a loud _bang_ and strode up to Lurien. The students fell quiet as they sensed the chilling aura of the Nightmare King’s presence, some even fainting from the scariness of his glare. 

“Are you bullying the Child?” he asked, “It appears you have forbidden him to talk because he was joking around in class.” 

“Oh, no, I wasn’t bullying him,” Lurien stated calmly. “He was distracting my class and insulting me even after I warned him several times the consequences of what would become of the result."

“Is that so?” The Nightmare King hissed slowly, turning around to train his hard eyes on Grimmchild. “Grimm and I will have a talk with him later.” Silently, he stalked out of the classroom and everyone was able to breathe again.

“Before I go,” said Grimmchild as he was pulled away by the Nightmare King, “I want you to know that you are a dead toad in the Desert of Bright Pink Frogs and you have rats for eyes and you should check your toothbrush, because one of your teeth appears to actually be a week old dead rat that has been boiled for 5 minutes with vomit and swamp water. Oh, and also, I leave all my prized possessions to Ivy, my very fun deskmate who also happens to lack arms. Bye!”

Ivy checked Grimmchild’s desk, and after sifting through some children’s bloody teeth, she found that Grimmchild had some very shiny items that actually weren’t teeth. 

“Ooh,” said Ivy, “This is a fire thing that summons Grimmkin you can use as punching bags and keeps fire in it so you can forcefeed it to other children to either upgrade a Grimmchild or just annoy the other children with!” 

“Yes, yes, your soon-to-be-dead deskmate has some cool items, now maybe talk about that later when you’re out of my class, alright?” Lurien said as somebody tossed their math book across the stinky sideways room. “Everyone, I want complete silence as I grade these papers! Once you finish your math, you may leave early, but not before turning it in! Work fast, because there is only 1 minute left in class.” With his last statement, Lurien settled down behind his desk and began grading papers using a pen that was clamped tightly between his toes because, as mentioned before, Lurien does not have any arms. Much like many characters in Hollow Knight. 

“HSHSHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA HHAHAHAHAHAHHA HAHDONEAHAHHAHAH” yelled Koi and Moi as they both threw their math books onto the floor and dashed out of the room before anyone could respond. 

Lurien sighed, tired with all of the smelly creatures that he had to teach.

“Can somebody please check to see if they completed the page?”

Before anybody could move, the stupid loud bell rang all the children piled out of the room like a sea of drunk asparaguses. 

“YE BBYE TECHER LURUIN!” shrieked Dave as he ran outside to make more stupid bench shrines, the rest of the smelly screeching students running outside as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is getting long


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> home sweet fricking home

SOAP flopped home with Hornet, Dave, Blossom, Jake, Moi, Hammer, Afro, and Koi. Other nameless vessels that weren’t in SOAP’s class followed them home as well, chattering to each other and screeching about how much they htaed the smelly school for no reason at all. 

“I HTAE SHOOL LIEKE WHAI DWO DEY MAEK ME DWO IT!!” asked one of the nameless vessels angrily, “I WHAI DO DO DO ????” 

“Kill them all,” whispered another nameless vessel as they trudged slowly, their eyes wide and lightless. “Kill… them…  **_all._ ** ”

“Hay, I’m the one who told you thet!” said SOAP as they bonked the vessel on the head with a stick that was taped to Koi’s head. 

“KILL KILL KILL!!!! MURDER FRIENDS FUN!! !” screeched Afro as they bonked Jake on the face with their horns. 

“THOUH CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE!!!” screeched a broken recording of Godseeker that someone took, “CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE-”

“CAN YUO SHUT THAT OFFFFFFFF?” screamed Hornet as she kicked the vessel who was holding the broken tape recorder. “IT’S SO ANOYINGGG!!!!”

“E,” said the tape recorder vessel before switching the tapes. The next tape, Dung Defender for some reason conducting a poop song, went “DOMA DOMA DOMA DOMA DOMA DOMA DOMA DOMA DOMA DOMA DOMA DOMA DOMA DOMA DOMA DOMA DOMA DOMA DOMA DOMA DOMA DOMA-” before Hornet started whining again.

“Just, turn that thing OFF!” she shrieked madly, “OFF!!!” 

“NO!” screeched the vessel in return, switching their tape recorder thing to a projector that was somehow in their cloak. Then, they turned on the projector and projected a video of Grimm smoking while he talked about the reasons you shouldn’t smoke that came out of nowhere.   
  


“-And smoking *cough cough* causes bad breath and lung cancer *wheeeze*-” said the recorded Grimm, sticking a whole pack of cigarettes into his mouth without even taking them out of the box. 

“Ey, I thouht he quit?” asked Jake as the Hammer vessel, Afro, and Blossom steamrolled over him, turning him into a flat paper blob. 

“Oh he did,” said Grimmchild, flapping away from the Nightmare King, who was close behind him, “I think that the tape was taken like 20 years ago or something.” 

“Wait if he quit why does his voice is raspeeeeeeeeeeeee greghblehhh wheezity cough cough?”

“Oh,” said Grimmchild, “He makes his voice purposefully raspy like that because he thinks that it’ll make the students more scared of him when all it does is cause damage to his throat and make people really confused. You see, dad number 2 over here-” He flicked his wingtip in the Nightmare King’s direction, “Persuaded dad number 1 that he was making a fool out of himself, which, to this day, is the only reason why he isn’t doing that extremely raspy voice anymore.” Right as Grimmchild finished his explanation, the Nightmare King caught him and dragged him away from the vessels.

“Adios!” yelled Grimmchild as the Nightmare King dragged him back into the weird tents at Dirtmouth and Elderbugs that weren’t old. 

“I” said Koi.

“E” said Moi.

“Q?” asked Dave curiously, “U?”

“HUH UH!!! RONG!!” hollered Honret at the top of her nonexistent lungs, “RONG!!! SHAW!!” She then floated away like a witch on her needle. 

“OH OH! KNOW I!” yelled Dave. “JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ”

“NnnnnnnnNNNOOOoooooOOOOOooooOOoooOOOoOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooOOOoOOoOoooOOOOOoOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!” SOAP screamed.

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” shrieked Koi, figuring out what to do.

“TT TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT” yelled Moi at the top of her lungs, louder than a motorcycle driving past your window at 3:00 AM.

“HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” said Dave even louder than Moi, completing the Summoning of Joth, the Self Proclaimed God of Benches. 

“WHOMST HAS SUMMONED THE ALMIGHTY ONE!?” boomed Joth, appearing dramatically in a puff of smoke. 

“NoooooOOooooOOOooOOOOoOoooOOOO,” wailed SOUP as they were hit with 87 benches and 32 rocks. 

“WHAT IN THE HEY???!!!” exclaimed Cedrin as he flopped over, sliding off of Joth’s fat sword. “WHY AM I HERE? WHY IS DAD HERE? WHERE AM I??!!!”

“I felt a summoning,” replied Joth as he clonked SOAP on the head with 84375984375834 benches and a single rock. “One day you will take my place among the gods, son, as the ALMIGHTY BENCH GOD!!!”

“Hoot,” said Cedrin. “Woji is going to yell at me if I’m late to her shop, now where am I? I NEED TO FIND A WAY BACK!!”

“Use the bench,” said Joth, “Use a benchwarp. Or I could put you on a bench and throw you to Kingdom’s Edge but last time I tried that it gave you a seizure, so we shouldn’t do that.” Cedrin muttered something about benchwarping before screeching and disappearing into thin air.

“He’s learning so fast!” Joth exclaimed proudly as he hit SOP over the head with 300000000000 benches made of dead vengeflies. 

“Where the heck do you even get vengeflies from? They’re not even near Kingdom’s Edge!” asked Hammer as they threw up on the benches made of Vengefly corpses. 

“Every time somebody summons me by random, they have Vengeflies nearby,” replied Joth, “It’s really weird because we’re going to the White Palace for no reason, aren’t we?”

“Iiiiiiii,” muttered Dave as he rolled around and fell off a cliff. 

“Oh nonononononono, Dave gone’s,” stated a vessel blankly as they stared at Dave, who was rolling around on a buzzsaw, “Oh, thererererer eis he again.” 

“Gone heheh’e’e’s’’s noew,” remarked SOAP, as Dave’s little head popped off and a shade appeared, swirling around and stuck in the cage of sawblades. SOP decided to go rescue the shade by murdering Dave as he ran back over to the group. Dave’s head popped off as his shade exploded out of their head, and began doing a really floppy dance-it was now free from the buzzsaws. Dave, newly respawned, was already running up the path and hitting their shade. 

“HSHHHAHHSUH” declared Blossom as she was impaled by 350 spikes and several hundred buzzsaws. 

“What is with your father and buzzsaws?” Joth inquired as he observed 3 other vessels get swirled around like a baby in the laundry machine after landing on 20 buzzsaws. 

“He is in love with them that is is” answered Dave, “loves sawbuzz IiiiiiIIIiIiiIiiIIIIii”

Hornet smacked her face into a buzzsaw after she had turned around to laugh at SOAP who had gotten spiked 30 times in the face by a kingsmould.

“Isn’t he technically cheating on the White Lady with the buzzsaws then-”

“Yeah, we don’t talk about that,” said Afro as their fat horns cracked 849787583 buzzsaws, creating a safe passage for the vessels to go through. “Hornet isn’t even our whole sister, she’s our stepsister.”

“What are yuo doing step sis” said Jake as Honret kicked him into a buzzsaw which then killed him. 

“I am preparing to brutally murder you all with love,” replied Hornet, kicking a snoring SOP into a buzzsaw, waking SOAP up. 

“Sibling love, I guess,” muttered Joth as Dave and all the rest of the vessel thingies waddled over to where the entrance to the throne room would be. 

“OAKAY, WHO CLOGGED MY TOILET????” the Pale King asked as soon as the vessels walked into the smelly throne room. “There are void tendrils and soul stains everywhere, and I know it couldn’t have been anyone else other than a vessel! So, whoever it is, fess up!”

Joth, deciding that this was not his time and place to be present swiftly disappeared in a puff of smoky benches to Dave’s dismay and SOAP’s relief. 

“I KNOW IT COULDN”T HAVE BEEN HOLLOW, I WAS STALLKING HIM ALL DAY IN HIS CLASSES, SO IT COULDN’T HAVE BEEN HIM!”

Hollow sighed, and went to their room to practice “tape dansing”. 

“Ig not meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” siad Blossom as she rolled underneath a buzzsaw and entered the hallway before slamming the door shut to prevent anyone else from coming through. 

“What” said SOP as Honret smacked them in the face with her smelly stupid needle that was bending in 50 directions at once. 

“YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU SPOKJE !” screeched the Pale King as he threw up fifty two buzzsaws and spiky spear lawn gnomes. “YOU MUST NOT HAVE A MIND TO SPEAK, OR A WILL TO BREAK, OR A FOOT TO EAT!!! Wait a minute, that’s only Hollow who’s not allowed, nevermind, continue talking”

“oooifrihjjkNJnjiiuhdcihudcwiudwidwc” said Dave as he rolled across the floor like a smelly puddle of piss. “I didnt the knot spear ur toitlet fork man, not i not i!”

Suddenly, a buzzsaw randomly rolled up to the Pale King and began cutting off his toes.

“Oh, it’s okay, Buzzsaw number 72327y3278132183,” cooed the Pale Thing, “It’s okay, the smelly little failed vessels will be gone in 3 minutes. If not, you can eat them for dinner.” 

“Lurien did it” said Honret before she flapped away on her needle to go to Herrah so that they could discuss what to do about the weaverlings requesting more flies to stick in peoples’ eyes. 

“Was it Lurien? He doesn’t have any void tendrils or soul, though…” Before the Pale King could ponder over the situation, SOAP handed the Pale King a piece of paper that had a poem. 

“What is this?” the Pale King asked as he read the really weird poem. 

“An Unforgiven Grudge, by Soul Master

_ I sat and shat, _

_ To no avail, _

_ For I could do nothing _

_ But cry and wail, _

_ The Soul Sanctum needs a fund, _

_ Until then, I am completely bummed _

_ The Pale King smells really funny, _

_ And to make it worse, _

_ He won’t donate money! _

_ So I smear some ink _

_ On the toilet seat, _

_ And throw up soul _

_ On the toilet paper roll. _

_ May this not satisfy _

_ My thirst for vengeance _

_ But that will be fine, _

_ For I will go down in legends!”  _ The Pale King clutched the ugly Poem in his hand, fuming. 

“So you are saying,” he growled angrily, “That the Soul Master did this?”

“Esy” replied SOP as they quickly ran away for fear of being smushed by the Pale King’s fat, smelly, bloody, toe-covered buzzsaw. 

“Green,” replied Afro as they rolled away as well. 

“C-can confirm,” stammered Hammer before throwing up and sliding away into the hallway where SOUP had escaped to. The remaining vessels chimed in agreement before sliding after Hammer, trying to get out of the Pale King’s way as quickly as possible. Almost immediately after the vessels slammed the doors to the throneroom shut, the Pale King exploded with rage.

“EIIEIEIEIEIEIIEIEIE STUPID SOULLLL AMSTEWRTERDEWSDFGVB !” His shrieks echoed off of the walls of his throneroom, challenging the loud, whirring noises of the stupid buzzsaws as they crowded around the Pale King in concern. The Pale King continued to shriek and scream his anger into the wide expanse of his throneroom, his cries being heard by all in the White Palace. Suddenly, Grimm exploded into the room with a puff of red fire that would’ve most likely set the whole palace up in flames if the buzzsaws hadn’t batted them out. 

“CAN YOU SHUT UP???????” yelled Grimm as he smacked the Pale King upside his head. “I AM  _ TRYING _ TO HAVE A NORMAL, CIVIL FAMILY DINNER WITH MY OWN FAMILY, AND IT IS KIND OF HARD WHEN THERE’S A STUPID FORK ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD SCREAMING ABOUT HOW CLOGGED THEIR TOILET IS! IF YOU MUST LET OUT YOUR RAGE, MAYBE CONSIDER DOING IT IN A MORE  _ COURTEOUS MANNER _ !!!” With that last remark, Grimm slapped the Pale King one more time before snapping and teleporting away, back to where Grimmchild and the Nightmare King were eating before Grimm had went poof. 

The Pale King, in spite of Grimm, had taken a deep breath and was about to let out another screech of anger before a fat Mawlek landed on top of him. 

“Oh no you don’t!” the Radiance snapped sternly as her morbidly obese Mawlek sat on top of the stinky Pale King. “Grimm isn’t the only one who’s had a disrupted dinner, and I sure don’t appreciate hearing your howls of ‘oh poor you having a clogged toilet, boo hoo.’ And for a fact, I know that Molly here doesn't like it either.” The Mawlek growled and barked at the Pale King, spit and weird orange stuff dripping out of it’s smelly mouth and landing on the Pale King’s wrinkly forehead. 

“Quiet down, Molly, I’ll get you your Vengefly King Kibble when you get home, alright?” The Mawlek let out a loud woof, all annoyance soon melting away to happiness as it scuttled to the Radiance. “Who’s a good Mawlek? Who’s a good Mawlek? You, Molly! Yes you are, yes you are!” Lifting the Mawlek off of the Pale King, the Radiance floated away into the dream realm, smacking the Pale King’s face as she disappeared.

The Pale King laid on the ground, stunned for a moment before he got up and angrily kicked his throne. 

“UGH! First, my toilet is clogged, then Grimm yells at me, then the Radiance’s Mawlek makes a hole in my roof, and now there is Mawlek spit all over my robe! DISGUSTING!” the Pale King yelled, “I would take over her school  _ just _ to get them all fired!” 

“My brain is that of a rotting fish corpse in Moi’s tangerine tree that feeds on fish corpses that lives in the desert of bright pink frogs that eat bright pink frogs,” declared Koi, being extremely improper by speaking slightly normally, “BRIGHT FROGS PINK!!!”   
  


Moi then grabbed Koi and ran to the Stag Station screaming. 

“STATION STAG EWFENO NEW EWNNEWNNEEW DESERT FROGS OF BRITGHT TO PINK!!” she squealed like a really fat pig that ate too much sugar. 

The stag grumbled something about smelly vessels that need to wash up because they smell like boiled broccoli, before taking off to the Desert of the Bright Pink Frogs Stag Station. 

The Stag moved quickly to the Desert of Bright Pink Frogs with Koi and Moi chattering randomly on his back and sand on his knees while bright pink frogs hopped around with loud  _ croak _ s and  _ ribbit _ s and  _ I will pour a ton of glitter on your face _ s. He made a noise of disgust as the two vessels began picking up the frogs and throwing them at each other, with gleeful and frightened noises. 

“Scared desert!!!” screeched Koi, while shoving 3 bright pink frogs into her eyeballs and nudging Moi off the Stag and causing her to fall into the large sea of Bright pink frogs. Moi began bouncing off the glittery and bright pink frogs, and landed with a  _ plop _ on the Stag’s back. 

“DEDESRET SCRSYAZY!!” Moi replied to Koi as she seated herself firmly on the Stag, who was having trouble traveling as there were too many bright pink frogs pouring glitter on him to be able to see. Koi stared at the desert sand in horror and began throwing frogs at it to cover up the frog covered sand. 

“CVOVER COVELR SAND DESZRT SCARY!! COVER GROGS USING!!” screeched Koi, picking a bright pink frog off of Moi’s back and throwing it onto cactus, goring the little frog who had never done anything to Koi. It let out one last weird, raspy, Grimm-like  _ croak _ and died because it was stuck to a particularly spiky cactus. 

Koi then slid off of the Stag as they reached the station, and flopped onto the ground. She then jolted up in horror and began screaming more loudly than a baby wailing as they were boiled in tomato soup. It scared many frogs, making them  _ ribbit _ and  _ croak _ before hopping away, exposing even more of the Desert of Bright Pink Frogs. This caused Koi to scream even more, as Moi watched Koi die inside from the top of the Stag’s fat back. 

Suddenly, the Radiance flopped to the other side of the earth, and it became night. Koi was still rolling and screaming around in the sand like a baby who found out they couldn’t eat coins while they were baking in the oven, and Moi was still flopping around on the Stag, ignoring her homework because it didn’t exist. 

Moi’s flopping was interrupted by the Stag, who said, “Vessel, aren’t you going to do your homework? I thought you students would be _done_ with it all by then! What are those teachers doing in that Hallownest school? I remember when I was a young stag and had friends who were still alive, I did my homework! And I had 8 papers a day!”  
  
“QUIET HIVE NITE!” screeched Moi, confused whether Hive Knight meant bee, be, or Hive Knight, “work will larter do!” She then stuffed her and Koi’s papers into her eyeball, not eating them but storing them for later when they would do their work. Koi was still screaming as she was buried in bright pink frogs, in the Desert of Bright Pink Frogs. 

“MOI EHELP I!” screeched Koi in terror as the bright pink frogs in the Desert of Bright Pink Frogs buried her, “SCRAY HAELP FROM DESSERT!!” Moi jumped off the Stag, smacking several frogs and trying to figure out where Koi was buried. 

“WHEREG ARERRERERERRERE TYUOIUY?!??!?!?!??!?!” Moi asked screamishly as she screamed her way across the sea of bright pink frogs. “KOI WHO WHERE>>>????”

“No.” replied Koi as she died and respawned on the White Palace bench.

“Do does too me as well???” Moi inquired as Koi disintegrated. “Die to as well?” Moi then flopped over and drowned in the sand and piles of bright pink frogs. The Old Stag sighed as the frogs kept piling up. Tired of stupid vessels and idiots in general, he galloped away, back to the nice, calm, peaceful, frogless, and sandless Stag Nest. 

(At White Palace or Whatever)

“DINER DINNER DINNER! DINNER DINNNNNNER!” yelled SOP as they banged their head on the table resulting in the table flipping over and landing on the Tape Recorder vessel. 

“YOO SIAD ‘DINNNNNNNNNNER’ RONG, IT HAS 24 NNNNNNN’S NOT 4!” exclaimed Tape Recorder as they were crushed by the stupid spiky furniture table, which had one of the Pale Fork Man’s beloved buzzsaws rolling around on it, along with 52 spikes that kept launching out of the floor. 

“I HOPE YOU KIDS HAVEN’T STARTED WRECKING THE PALACE ALREADY!” screeched the Pale King from another room. “IT’S ONLY HALF PAST SEVEN AND I’M ALREADY HAVING A BAD DAY! DON’T TRY CLOGGING THE TOILET THIS TIME, SOUL MASTER HAS ALREADY DONE THAT-7 TIMES TODAY!”

The Hollow Knight sat sadly on a bench as they watched the whole thing happen. Their stinky younger siblings were always wrecking the house after they came home from school. They could stop them, but they really weren’t in the mood and they also wanted to eat because they were very hungry.

“Don’t the tell the dad I did the clogg toilet,” Blossom whispered to Hollow as she handed them a raw brussel sprout. “Have thy the food food are, I hungery am not.”

“Thanks,” the Hollow Knight whispered to Blossom as they shoved the raw brussel sprout into their eyehole with a loud chomp. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Father.”

The Pale King then strode into the room like he had just won the title for lord of the universe (and he had killed the Radiance and forced the Grimm Troupe into slavery and everyone was happy). “Children, today you will meet the newest addition to our household!” 

He was interrupted with a sigh from Dave, who said, “another nontoantot sawblade areare terereible they” 

The Pale Thing shot him a warning look and continued; “This is buzzsaw #32838921378923789378327823 and their family, buzzsaws #2399213892389283923892 and sawblade #92389208329083121, with their neighbors the 23329309839028930219382903921839 spikes. Aren’t they charming?” The Pale King smiled warmly, before placing the buzzsaws and spikes on the floor. “There,” he said, “Now they can move as they wish.” 

“Are you aa a a a a ….. Dandelian?” Blossom asked SOAP as they paraded around the corner of the room.

“Noh!” SOAP declared as they continued to mimic what looked like a dying horse attempting to eat a sponge. 

“An anteater’s leg?” Hollow asked as they sat on the smelly bench. 

“Kno!”

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“You are close, but not realllylylylyly!”

“Oh oh oh oh,” screeched Jake as he raised his foot. “I know… you are a…. SOPA!”

“NOOOOOOOOT!” screamed SOAP as they broke out of their mimic and began rolling around the floor in seismic spasms. “I AM NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT SOAP!!!!!”

“Uhuy,” said Moi as she ripped off her head and tossed it at Hollow inquisitively (she had picked Koi out of the sand and bright pink frogs from the Desert of Bright Pink Frogs and just used the extremely annoyed Stag to get home), “Are you a blender?” SOAP clapped cheerfully, happy that someone was able to finally guess what they were.

“Yeggs, I am a bledner,” stated SOAP as they got up from having a seizure on the floor.

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“.. Is stupid,” finished Hornet, who had randomly used a Bell Beast to warp to the White Palace to torment SOUP with her needle that bent like Grimm’s neck when he snapped it to prove to Lace that he did indeed respawn (although differently than the students). 

Koi stared at the crazy discussion, then at her brussel sprouts. She looked at Moi, who nodded back at her, and grabbed 15 fat brussel sprouts and a wad of SOUL. Koi also picked up some SOUL, Void, and brussel sprouts, and the two began flinging food at the stupid arguing siblings. 

Hollow decided it was a good time to begin tap dancing, and looked frantically for the music player. Unfortunately, Hollow put in the wrong disc and the music that began was actually just an hour long recording of the vessels screaming at school while Grimm cried, watching as the students played extremely off-beat, off-key and very ugly music. This caused Koi and Moi to scream even louder, and launch wads of food as quickly and as powerfully as a stupid Absolute Radiance combined with the White Palace and Nightmare King. 

“KOI IS WHERERERERE” asked SOP while they dodged 7 brussel sprouts and a fat wad of void and Moi’s head, “WHEHHERHEH MISSSING WENt KOI DIDIDD???”   
  


Koi appeared, looking very small and cheerful. She waddled up to the Pale King, and leaned upwards. She then whispered, “Don’t I knwoowow your birfdaye but hers a perSent”. The Pale King was very touched. Was there a new buzzsaw inside? Then Koi whipped out a fat Primal Aspid, which spat on Fork Man’s smelly and wrinkled face, and flew outside. Koi scuttled away before she could be yelled at. 

“Hey!” the Pale Smelly Snob yelled, “THAT IS VERY RUDE! GO TO YOUR ROOM!”   
  


“DONT HAVEFEV I ROOMR!!” replied Koi, somewhere in the crowd of flying SOUL, Void, brussel sprouts, heads, plates, and random bits of cheese, “HAHA AH AH AHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAH HAHAHUJAHUHUHUAUAUUAUAUAUAUAUAUAUAUJAJAJAJJAJAJJA!~!”

Moi picked up Koi and began throwing her across the room, shouting and following Koi’s fat and smooth head. Koi responded by picking Moi up and throwing  _ her _ as well into the window with shrieks of glee, and both continued to throw stuff at others, because they were complete crackheads (literally). 

“Stop, stop,  _ STOP _ !” yelled the frustrated Pale King. “WHY MUST YOU ALL BE LIKE THIS???!!!!”

“Zote,” said Zote.

Outside, some random vessel had thrown themself off the White Palace and into the buzzsaws because they were very very very bored. They had then respawned on Hollow’s face and Hollow decided to commit buzzsaw. 

“WHY ARE YOU ALL DYING???!!!” shrieked the smelly stinky Fork Man. “YOU DON’T HAVE MINDS TO THINK OR WILLS TO BREAK OR VOICES TO SCREECH SUFFERING SO WHY ARE YOU ALL DYING???!!!!”

“ARE YOO CALLIGM ME STUPID?????” screeched SOAP as they turned around to glare at the yelling Pale Thing who was having his toes being cut off by the ugly sawblades. “I AM  _ NOT  _ A STUPID!!!!!”

“You do not have a mind to think,” Hornet stated grumpily as she smacked SOP’s head with her very weird spaghetti bendy needle thingy that I’m pretty sure isn’t even a needle at this point. 

“I DO TO HAVE A MIND TO THONK!!!!” yelled the Hammer vessel as they tipped over and crashed through several tables and lights in the palace using their fat hammer thingy. “SEEEE? DOES I DO HAVE THONKIBG!”

“Ow,” said Hollow as their head landed on a buzzsaw. The Pale King waddled over to Hollow, his eyes shining with anger and suspicion. 

“So you have a voice to cry suffering?” he asked softly, his voice low and dangerous. Silence fell across the room as vessels stopped throwing food and crap at each other to watch the interaction between Hollow and Demented Fork Man. 

“No, I don’t have a voice to cry suffering,” Hollow said tiredly as they tried to bandage up their head because they landed on a buzzsaw.

“I JUST HEARD YOU SPEAK!” screeched the Pale Thing.

“No, you didn’t.”

Fork Man stopped to ponder over Hollow for a moment, his forehead wrinkling in confusion. Slightly amused by the spectacle, Hornet joined in with Hollow’s claim of not having a voice to cry suffering.

“They did not speak,” said Hornet. “That was the buzzsaw squeaking.”

“YUH HUH!” Dave yelled cheerfully because something interesting was finally happening. “You must are be going crazy, Hollow didn’t spoked!”

“I agreeerdgereergere ,ee” SOAP chimed in as they sneezed and rocketed backwards. 

“TOO I!” Koi blubbered, nodding her head.

“YUS YES!” Moi squealed as she fell over the table, tipping over the bottle full of raw brussel sprouts that the vessels were trying to eat from.

“Zote,” said Zote.

Vessels all around began to chime in, backing up Hollow by saying that they didn’t have any voice at all and the Pale King must be going crazy. Finally, Demented Fork Man threw his feet into the air and scoffed.

“You know what! I’m going to go see a doctor, if you are all insisting that I am crazy,” the Pale Thing declared as he picked up a buzzsaw. Stomping out of the Dining Room, he slammed the door shut behind him, grumbling about how he swore that Hollow had a voice to cry suffering and how he knew that he was perfectly fine and had no mental issues. The moment the door had shut, the Dining Hall burst into cheers and celebrations of glee.

“YAAAAAYYYYYY!” hollered Dave. “I AM NOT BORED ANYMORE!!!!!”

“No are doctor their tho but s??” asked Blossom, confused because there was no such thing as a doctor, “Are NO THOUGH DOCTORS THEY’RE??” 

“TAPE DANSE!!” shrieked the Hollow Knight before running screaming out of the White Palace and into the Queen’s Gardens, and hiding from the buzzsaws. The vessels streamed after them, screeching happily because Hollow was a very fun sibling when the Pale Fork Man wasn’t around. The White Root Lady was sitting tranquilly in her garden, catering to some of the plants as her children tumbled in like a waterfall on heroin. 

“Mother, I am tired of eating brussel sprouts,” said SOAP as they rolled off of a mantis that was helping care to the garden. “Too many brussel sprouts, anything else?”

“Oh dear,” replied the White Lady. “Has the Pale King dear been feeding you all only brussel sprouts?”

“Yeah,” replied Hollow as they sat down next to tree woman. “And every time somebody talks, he yells at us because supposedly we’re not supposed to speak. Well, he yells at everyone except for Hornet, who supposedly isn’t a vessel.” Hornet screeched something about weaverlings stuck inside of a Pickle Jar full of toothpaste before flying around on her stupid bendy needle. 

“I don’t brussel sprouts,” said Dave as he tapped on his mother’s shoulder. “Do not do not do not.”

“Poor darlings, perhaps I can ask Herrah if she has any food to spare for you?” The White Lady hummed as she hugged Dave who was very happy that he was finally with his mom. As if being called, Herrah strolled into the garden, observing as Hornet flew around screeching and cackling like a crazy witch on a broomstick. 

“I do, in fact, have food to spare,” Herrah remarked as she tilted her head, looking curiously at Blossom who was poking some weird tentacle-like plants. “But I have no vegetation, only the corpses of dead bugs that have been slaughtered in the dark caverns of Deepnest.”

“Ah, no worries! I have plenty of vegetation growing in this garden of mine, it only concerns me that we don’t have enough meat for these growing little vessels. They truly shoot up fast, don’t you think?”

“Indeed they do.”

“Foooooooood,” SOAP groaned as they tapped on Herrah’s leg.

“Oh, pardon. Excuse me while I retrieve the meals,” Herrah replied, amused. She patted SOAP on the head before departing out of the garden to drag corpses onto a fire so that the vessels could finally eat something.

Moi decided that it would be a good time to check if Sly had a wrecking ball for sale, because the Demented Fork Man was stupid and so were his buzzsaws. They deserved to be cracked- anyone would agree with that (apart from the Pale Thing). She ran off using benchwarp, and came back with 57 rancid eggs. Moi began handing out eggs and the EggSoul charm, throwing rancid eggs at the White Stupid Fork Buzzsaw Palace. 

The vessels then came back to the Queen’s Gardens and began shouting and cheering as Herrah brought delicious and juicy dead corpses for them to hit and consume. They pulled out their nails and needles and heads and slapped the juicy corpses. Soon, every vessel had full SOUL and all masks, apart from Zote, who was too weak to even do 1 damage and collect SOUL. 

“Thnka oyu” said a polite and nameless vessel, “Dead copres vrye tstay” 

“You’re very welcome,” the Queen of Deepnest replied, entertained by all of the weird little vessels as she watched them shove dead bugs and brussel sprouts into their eyes, slapping the food and yelling, 

“yuj5mymy!” 

“Mother, when can I have permission to turn everyone else here into transfer students?” asked Hornet, “They are all so annoying!” 

“Do not be so rude to your siblings, Hornet. After all, they’re all different from you.”

“I’m not being rude, SOAP is annoying.”

“I AM NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTT SOAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!” bellowed SOP as they threw a yam at Hornet. “NOT NOT NOT NOT!”

“Oh, be quiet!” snapped the Tape Recorder vessel as they picked up their tape recorder and threw it at SOUP’s stinky head. “Just eat your food if you must do anything at all!”

“See? SOAP is so annoying that anyone would want to kill them!” 

“IM NOOooooooOOOOOOooOoooOOOOOOOoooooOOOoOOOOOooOOOooOOOT SOAP!” screeched SOAP as they clocked Hornet in the head again with another yam. “STOOOOOOOOOOOP CALLIGN ME SOAP!”

“Can you two please be quiet?” Hollow asked as they shoved more food into their eyeholes. “I’m trying to eat in peace, but you two keep yelling at each other and screeching and flailing around like dead toucans shoving asparaguses up their noses. It’s hard to have an appetite when one annoying sibling is throwing yams at another.”

“Not MY, fault,” Hornet snarked. “SOAP over here keeps tossing yams at me just for calling them literally what everyone else calls them! Where do you even keep getting those yams?!” SOUP shrieked something again about how their name is not SOAP before picking up another yam and tossing it at Hornet.

“SEE? That just proves my point! STOP TOSSING YAMS AT ME!”

“STOP CALLING ME SOAP! I’M SICK AND TIRED OF ALL YOU LUNATICS PARADING AROUND ME, INSISTING THAT MY NAME IS SOAP, SOP, SOUP, OR SOME OTHER WEIRD THING THAT I NEVER AGREED TO! MY NAME IS GHOST!”

“I thought your name was SOAP,” said Hollow as they looked incredulously at SOAP. “I’ve never heard anyone ever call you Ghost.”

“NO!”

“Alright, children, that is enough,” the White Lady scolded as she plucked a yam from SOAP’s hands right as they were about to chuck another one at Hornet. 

“I’m AAM STRONG GOST!!” screeched SOP, “I BEEETED FAILED TAMPON!! VERY HARD BOS!! I BEEET!! NOTE YUO!!! AI AMM SURPEEREEER!!” 

“You’re disgusting, that’s what you are,” Hornet snapped, bonking SOAP on the head 57 times with her bendy needle. “And it’s ‘Failed Champion,’ not ‘Failed Tampon’ you freak.”

The siblings all continued arguing for a long while, then decided to go back home (it was getting very late, and there was night and day because the radiance wasn’t sealed away). Everyone flopped onto the floor or a buzzsaw, immediately falling asleep and snoring loudly. The Pale King slammed the door shut as he stomped back into the White Palace, angry because the doctor had indeed diagnosed him with several mental illnesses. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some teachers being unproductive and arguing before class

Grimm sat in his classroom, going over the agenda for the day. Sighing, he slumped in his chair before taking out a piece of fabric which he then used to polish the metronome. Marissa looked at Grimm with a worried expression.

“Grimm, are you sure you don’t want to take a day off? I can do your shifts or you, but you look completely…” Marissa trailed off as Grimm huffed another heavy sigh.

“I look completely dead inside,” Grimm said, finishing Marissa’s sentence. “Don’t worry, I still have some ounces of sanity left inside of this head of mine, hopefully, enough to get me through the day. After all… I have a family to care for.”

“Can’t the Nightmare King just… do the work while you rest? I mean, He does teach several classes anyways, right? That should be more than enough payment for your family to survive.”

“You misunderstand how much taxes are to stay in this place,” Grimm stated as he continued to polish the metronome. “In the City of Tears it probably isn’t too much, and in Kingdom’s Edge there aren’t any taxes at all… however, here in Dirtmouth, the Pale King enjoys milking the most money out of the most successful town. Our school here has the second highest achievement rates out of all the Districts, the stupid White Palace school being the first. Students from far and wide come to this school in order to have an education, and, as a teacher, it is my job to teach them. Not only for the children, but also because I really need to pay off my crippling debt and taxes.” Grimm set down the metronome, having polished it to the point that it looked semi-presentable. 

Marissa narrowed her eyes and turned to look at the Nightmare King who was setting out string instruments and tuning them. 

“Why don’t you try to convince him to take a day off?” she hissed to the Nightmare King. The Nightmare King looked up to raise an eyebrow at her before scoffing and lowering his gaze back to tuning a guitar. 

“You think I haven’t tried? He is completely fixated on the idea that he cannot have a day off until he absolutely needs to. Until he decides that he literally cannot hold back his tears, I’ll be waiting to comfort him. Who am I to sway his mindset?” The Nightmare King continued tuning the guitar, cringing when he hit a note that was very clearly out of tune. Marissa sighed before turning away from the Nightmare King to set up her equipment for the oncoming classes. 

“Why are you still tuning those instruments?” asked Monomon, peeking in through the doorway, “You’ve been doing that for the past 3 hours.” Monomon then picked up her stupid science papers and pulled out a pen “Oh, why must they forget to study?  _ Everyone _ knows that the ocean takes longer to heat up than land!” she sighed.

“I don’t,” said Grimm.

“Then you’re stupid,” snapped Monomon.

“For a fact, Monomon, I never knew that either,” stated Lurien as he passed by. 

“Ho ho, DOMA DOMA! Thanks for the new information, Monomon!” Dung Defender exclaimed cheerfully as he bounded away into the music room carrying 15 trumpets. Monomon sighed. The teachers here were as equally stupid as the students. 

“Isn’t that the other way around?” Marissa asked as she set up her students’ choir sheets. “The land absorbs more light whereas the water reflects it?”

“I thought so too,” muttered Grimm as the Nightmare King leaned over him to take a guitar from his hands. 

“Oh, infection! Not again!” the Nightmare King snarled, “One of your stupid music students has broken a guitar string- three, to be exact! And Dave had decided that 2 of his dumb violins were good for breaking! And he broke one of the cellos, too!” 

“He  _ always _ does that! Does it still actually surprise you that some students wreck about 10 instruments a day?” asked Grimm, “Of course, the stupid Choir students do it as well, because they think they’re  _ so _ much better than the Band and Orchestra students because they can  _ sing _ and don’t need  _ instruments _ . They think their own fancy little voices sound great, which leads to Choir students trying to break instruments to prove their point.” 

“Anyways, you should be done with all your tuning and repairing,” said Monomon, “It normally wouldn’t take  _ that _ long to tune some instruments!”

  
  
The Nightmare King scoffed and said, “Well, shouldn’t _you_ be done with your grading, then? It should be quite easy to write answers on paper, and write checks and x marks, right?” Monomon sighed and walked back to her Science room, carrying the papers with her foot. 

“By the way, why are there so many music teachers in this school?” asked Lurien, “If anything, I think that we should have more math teachers.”

“We only have…. 3 music teachers, 4 including Marissa. And also, only two of those teachers are full-on music teachers, Dung Defender being a second PE teacher and me being a sparring teacher. There are other math teachers around the school, but I just think that you haven’t really met any of them yet. Also, Herrah happens to be a sparring teacher as well, but due to the large size of this school, I haven’t exactly met her yet.” 

“How could you not have met her yet?!” exclaimed Lurien, “We have about 4 full staff meetings a week, although I never actually listen or pay attention to them, and every day we have teacher meetings of 5 or more teachers!” 

“I honestly can’t care less who I work with, I normally just categorize you people into stupid and not stupid. It’s more simple, and a lot more accurate and efficient,” replied the Nightmare King, “I have no idea how Grimm remembers names, but he should have met Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Not Stupid, and Stupid by now, as well as Mr. Stupid, Stupid, and Not Stupid.” 

“What,” asked Grimm blankly as the Nightmare King began plucking at guitar strings and miming slapping a guitar every time he got an offkey note, “I don’t know who ‘Stupid, Stupid, Not Stupid, and Stupid’ are.” The Nightmare King rolled his eyes and placed a guitar down.

“Okay, basically you see a guy walking down the hall, he is stupid. You see a woman walking down the hall. She is also stupid. Someone floating down the hall? Stupid! Everyone is stupid apart from Blossom who is not stupid because she clogged the Pale Thing’s fat toilet!” 

“owO,” said Grimmchild, throwing up a fireball and looking for a necktie to hang himself with.

“Wait, then might I ask what category I would fall into?” Lurien asked, tapping on the Nightmare King’s shoulder. The Nightmare King looked up for moment before returning to tuning the stupid guitar strings.

“Oh, you. You’re easily a Stupid.” Lurien pondered over the Nightmare King’s words for a moment before shrugging and taking out his tests to grade. 

“Who is considered not stupid, then?” Grimm asked as he set up the piano music sheets. Grimmchild rolled around in a pile of trumpets, his boredom causing him to melt into a puddle of goop just like Dave when he was bored. 

“Well for one thing,” the Nightmare King muttered, “You wouldn’t be stupid, ‘i gUeSs’... but then there’s me. I mean, I don’t consider myself stupid.”

“Oh, well that’s  _ such _ a large fricking surprise, I’m like, completely surprised,” Grimm sarcastically replied as he rolled his eyes so hard that they almost fell out of his sockets. Other teachers chimed with agreed sarcasm, Lurien trying to stifle his laughter behind a homework sheet.

“Oh, ha HA, very funny,” snarked the Nightmare King as he lightly kicked Grimm in the calf. “Now I can  _ properly _ categorize you as stupid.”

“Gee, thanks,” Grimm retorted as he sighed. “Say, why are all of you teachers crowding around here in the Music room? It’s only supposed to be Dung Defender, Brumm, and I inside of here.”

“It’s very entertaining here!” exclaimed Marissa happily as she picked up her binder that held a bunch of choir songs and stuff. “In the Choir classroom, all there are are a bunch of decorations and stuff, but in here, there’s always at least five people around to share some juicy conversation!”

“What the heck do you mean by ‘juicy?!’” Lemm said, appalled. “The only thing that ever happens is either the Nightmare King blows up the place or Grimm has a mental breakdown! Mind you, neither of these things are new, so I have no idea what you even have to gossip about.”

“Aw crud, another one,” muttered Grimm as more teachers came into the classroom. “Can you all please just go back to your respective classrooms? I know the Nightmare King may be here, but that’s because he-”

“AHA! SO YOU ARE PLAYING FAVORITES!” shrieked the Hive Knight in his squeaky voice. “I  _ KNEW  _ YOU TWO ALWAYS HAD A THING FOR EACH OTHER!”

“That’s not new,” Lemm snapped. “As I was SAYING, no new news at all, nothing to gossip about! The Nightmare King and Grimm have been miserably bound to each other for eternity, the classroom reeks of sewage, Brumm still doesn’t know how to play any instrument other than the accordion, and Divine keeps eating papers!”

“You seem to be quite up to date for somebody who loathes the daily Music room congregation,” Monomon stated as she poked her head into the classroom. “Room for…. A twelfth bug?” 

“No!” Grimm yelled as he picked up a shoe and tossed it at Monomon. “Go away! This is not a conference room! If you all must blabber about useless information while contributing nothing to my preparations, then begone!”

“Kinda too late for that,” Lurien said as Monomon strolled into the classroom, carrying all of her books and papers in with her as if Grimm hadn’t just chucked footwear at her. 

“Can you please do something?” Grimm snarled to the Nightmare King who was, up until now, tuning guitars with no disruption.

“I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal,” he growled back, lowering his voice so only Grimm could hear. “Just force ‘em out yourself, you have the same powers as I do!”

“But you’re way scarier and like 10000000 times stronger! Also, you literally have no problem with murder or arson, but in case you forgot, I actually care. Now go get a fly swatter and throw it at them or something!”

“No.” The Nightmare King said firmly. “Stand up for yourself for once.”

“GRIMM AND NIGHTMARE KING SITTING IN A TREE, K-I-S-S-I-” sang Hive Knight as Marissa quickly slapped his mouth to get him to shut up.

“How many braincells do you have? None? Well, that’s quite obvious from the way you’re poking fun at the God of Nightmares like that,” retorted Godseeker as she took out a pen and marked something in her notebook. “I might cross you out of the Godseeking program. Should I mark it, or should I not?”

As Hive Knight whined about not wanting to be kicked out of the stupid Arena, Grimm was busy in the corner trying to get the Nightmare King to decidedly not massacre Hive Knight’s entire family for getting him slightly pissed off.

“Marissa is right,” Brumm muttered as he examined his accordion. “Most of the drama does happen in the Music room, whether Grimm likes it or not.”

“I think not.” Divine giggled as she watched the teachers bark to each other about stinky students and stupid other gossips while Dung Defender happily played poop songs on the trumpets as loudly as humanly possible just for the sake of annoying the teachers even more. 

“Hrmm? What do you mean?”

Divine turned to Brumm with a wider than usual smile on her face, her eyes bulging with joy.

“This is nothing compared to Lunch Break.” 

“Divine, you  _ need _ to stop putting weird curses on the children's lunches!” sighed Grimm, giving up on convincing the Nightmare King to not murder the entire Hive, “We get angry reports from parents, who either care about their children, or they’re the stupid Pale Thing that doesn’t like it when his stupid vessels whine about turning into bright pink frogs like the bright pink frogs from the Desert of Bright Pink Frogs!” 

“Hey, Nightmare King, don’t you know how to play all instruments?” Godseeker tapped on his shoulder to get his attention. “Why aren’t you a music teacher if you can play literally any instrument?”

“Because supposedly I have too much of a temper and would be a danger to the school’s room structures, something something blah blah blah.” The Nightmare King growled. “That would be one of the other reasons I hate the Radiance. I would much rather be teaching music alongside Grimm. Instead, I’m stuck outside screaming at students who won’t pay attention.”

The Nightmare King paused before continuing again.

“And also, the last time I replaced Grimm for this class all the students started screaming and I got mad and threw a cello at someone.” Grimm perked up and said,

“Oh yeah, that was also the time that you picked up my dead corpse and made me throw up Grimmchild so I could come back to life and make the students come back because they all hate you!” 

“Pickled child soup,” remarked the Nightmare King, trying to change the subject, “is fun to make and very tasty. Especially if it’s made of children you dislike very much.” He then muttered, “Damn Jake, I will make you into pickled child soup someday, I swear it! I’ll kill Grimm before I back down!”   


  
“Then you will back down very soon,” noted Grimm as the Nightmare King betted his life against some random stupid vessel, “You make me want to die like 7 times a day.” He then went back to trying to calculate how much Geo he had to spend on repairs for the instruments, and how many years it would take for him to financially recover from it. 

“I can help you, Grimm, since you keep complaining about us fellow teachers not helping you and acting like stupid parasites in the Music room,” Lurien said as he went over to Grimm. “Alright, so to repair a tuba costs 500 geo, you have 3 broken tubas, you earn at least 20 geo per hour….. Alright, I’m beat.”

“The hell?” snarled Nightmare King as he snatched the paper from Lurien. “Aren’t you a math teacher? Grimm works about 8 hours a day… Therefore, roughly a week should be enough to cover these costs! I can do the problem with no worries, and I’m not even a math teacher!”

“Wait, but I have 7 broken guitars, 2 broken flutes, a broken clarinet, someone managed to crack the piano in half along with Tiso (stupid Principal), and the organ broke 2 keys, someone broke 4 drum sets, and somebody-” Grimm said, looking around at the room unhappily. 

“Might I ask how the heck Tiso, a 15-year-old student that’s barely even up to your thighs is able to crack a five-foot grand-” Lurien began before Grimm interrupted him.

“No, no!” said Grimm, “They cracked Tiso in half! And the piano!” He gestured to the weird looking shield, which was all that remained of Tiso’s crushed body (He respawned but his shield was left under the crushed piano). 

“What,” said several teachers at once except for Nightmare King who was almost done tuning his guitars. Grimm pointed to a poster of the Principal that read,  _ Remember the Light Forgotten! Drink orange juice! Don’t do Drugs, rituals, or buzzsaws! We are better than the White Palace School _ , scowling.

“See, I told you that stuff happens in the Music room!” Marissa exclaimed happily. 

“I don’t get it,” muttered Hive Knight (“Of course you don’t get it,” Godseeker retorted.) “Did the Principal fall onto Tiso or something?”

“No, her morbidly obese Mawlek did. ‘Molly,’ if I remember correctly,” Lemm sighed as he marked another paper missing in his binder. “What is with my students and losing their papers? Nobody has their homework!” 

“It’s because nobody  _ cares _ , Lemm,” said Godseeker, “Your classes are so boring that even a teacher like me could fall asleep. Also, can somebody make Dung Defender  _ stop _ that terrible noise?” Dung Defender responded with an extremely loud recording of the students chanting ‘POOP,’ extremely offbeat, to accompany his smelly trumpet. 

“There is no convincing,” Grimm replied tiredly. “Believe me, I have tried. All he ever responds with is more poop song content, and he also will broadcast it on the school speakers for who knows what reasons.” 

“How many more minutes until class?” Grimmchild asked, his face riddled with boredom and melted puddles. “It’s so borrrrrrrrring with all you stupid adults talking about how we children keep-

“You need to do your homework,” interrupted Lemm, “You don’t turn in any assignments!” He snorted a puff of dust out of his eye in indignation. 

“I’m not even in your class!” whined Grimmchild. “And even if I was, I’m not taking any orders from anyone, least of all being you!” He then morphed into Buff Grimmchild and stuck up a middle finger. 

“About an hour,” Grimm answered as he wrote down the names of the students who kept breaking his instruments so that he could get the Nightmare King to punish them later. “Also, stop flipping everyone off, it’s very rude.” Grimmchild turned around and was about to flip the bird at Grimm before locking eyes with the Nightmare King, who was looking at Grimmchild with a glare that usually meant he was dangerously close to ripping someone’s feet out and stuffing them into their eyes. The victim most likely being Grimmchild. Slowly, Grimmchild backed away with an expression of clear, utter nope. 

“Why the heck- How long have we even been talking?” Monomon shrieked as she waved a pen around using her foot, “It’s too close to class time! I’m leaving!” Monomon dashed out the door, slamming it shut.

“Twenty minutes,” Lurien sighed. “I counted each second of it, and it all felt like pure torment.”

“You’re miserable because you are in my classroom, which is why you all should get out.” Grimm retorted as the Nightmare King glared at Grimmchild, who was slowly inching towards the stupid door.

“No!” Lurien cried as his papers flew all over the floor. “My classroom is even more depressing! All there is in there is my butler and stupid telescope! I can’t do anything with a butler and a telescope!” 

“Well, all I have are a bunch of broken instruments, a child, unpaid debt, and an overpowered Satanic God version of myself, so you should be just fiiiinnneeee…..” muttered Grimm as he ushered Lurien out the doorway, only for him to immediately rush back in.

“Well, you also have very interesting stories, a very charming child, working instruments, and a crushed student’s shield,” replied Marissa, “AND everyone else flocks to this place, so we are staying until sometime before class starts.” 

Grimm muttered something under his breath about stupid colleagues before returning to trying to fix the instruments himself. 

“At least get an instruction manual or something!” said the Nightmare King, facepalming as Grimm tried to use a screwdriver as a hammer, “You don’t even  _ use _ screwdrivers to fix a tuba!” 

“Well, then you try fixing it,” snapped Grimm like a clam drowning in the sink. The Nightmare King huffed before grabbing the broken instrument pieces from Grimm and tinkering with them.

“And that, child,” Grimm whispered to Grimmchild, “Is how you get free labor.”

“I  _ HEARD _ that,” snarled the Nightmare King, “The only reason I’m doing this is because you’re not as stupid as the other smelly people working at this school, but still too stupid to fix them yourself.”

“I am not a poodle, I am sort of an edgy teen so stop looking at me!” screeched Grimmchild as Marissa loomed ominously over him, watching him do his stupid homework. 

“Oh, no, continue on. Don’t mind me,” Marissa muttered as she picked up a baseball bat. 

“Oh, no, he’s inherited the Nightmare King’s annoying edgy and mean genes,” muttered Lurien as he picked up some math tests from the ground, scowling at the answers (“82 x 17 is  _ not _ 11!”). 

Grimmchild scowled theatrically as his homework was snatched by a rat crawling through the smelly classroom. 

“My father will hear about this,” he hissed before flapping over to a very tired Grimm. 

“Draco Malfoy, is that you?” Monomon asked tiredly as she popped back into the room, hearing all the commotion. 

“No, you are hallucinating,” Grimmchild told Monomon with false concern in his voice. “Maybe you should see a doctor.” 

“It worries me that you sound like you actually care,” Lurien told Grimmchild as he scribbled around on his test papers using a pen clamped tightly between his toes. 

“He gets his acting skills from me,” the Nightmare King announced happily.

“ _ Ahem _ ,” said Grimm, “I believe that  _ I  _ too have an acting gene, anyways, I threw up the child and you told me to throw up the child. The only reason he has  _ your _ genes is because you are merged with me for some reason.” 

“Yes, but you wouldn’t have been able to even have a child without my flames, Grimm.” The Nightmare King set down the last guitar, as it had finally been tuned, and moved on to trying to figure out how to fix that tuba. “You wouldn’t even be  _ alive _ right now if it weren’t for me…” Suddenly, Marissa landed on the desk with a thump.

“TELL,” she hissed as she shook Grimm. “I MUST KNOW!”

“No,” Grimm replied firmly as he yanked his arms away from the weird Choir teacher. “That is not public information.” 

“Come on, I won’t tell anyone, although I would want to, and I  _ need _ to know this!” said Marissa, dragging Grimm’s arm across the floor, “Tell me!”

“No! I already said that it is information that is to be kept between me and the Nightmare King!” 

“It’s pretty simple, though,” Grimmchild muttered, rolling his eyes, “Grimm throws me up, he dies, I turn into him, he’s alive again! If it’s a story you want, isn’t it the one about how Dad 1 and Dad 2 met like 9121908 years ago?” 

“DON’T GO GIVING HER  _ MORE  _ THINGS TO PROBE ME ABOUT!” whined Grimm as he was dragged across the floor by burly Marissa. “Get off me, you crazy butterfly!”

“TELL ME THE STORY, FIRST!” commanded Marissa, surprisingly strong as she was able to keep hold of Grimm and continued to drag him across the floor, “Now!” 

“Oooh, maybe he doesn’t want to tell because it was suuuupeerrrr embarrassing and he forgot to wear lipstick or something on their first date!’ Hive Knight sneered, throwing up bees. 

“What? I don’t wear lipstick? What is lipstick? WHAT ARE LIPS?!” Grimm screeched as he was dragged around by burly Marissa. 

The Nightmare King replied, “Ask Salubra. You just need to look at her face to find out what lips are.” He continued to fiddle with the random fragments of the tuba as Marissa continued to drag Grimm in circles around the room, screaming, 

“Tell. Me. The stories!” 

“NO!” yelled Grimm. “UNHAND ME, VILE CREATURE! YOU MAY HAVE A NICE VOICE, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN JUST FLIP ME AROUND MY OWN MUSIC ROOM LIKE SOME STUPID UNWANTED RAGDOLL!”

“Yes, I can! Because I am right now!” retorted Marissa, flipping Grimm over to prove her point.

“Alright, that’s enough,” growled the Nightmare King as he shouldered past Marissa and pulled Grimm back up to his legs. 

“Too much roughhousing…. Not good…” the Nightmare King muttered. “Hm. Well, you’ll live, if not mentally in pain, physically as well.” 

“Huh, are we just going to stay like this right here, all day?” asked Lurien, making Lemm go into a whole boring speech about most likely yes but also blah blah bah, “I hope so, but I also do hope that I brought my eye medicine, my eye still stings from the smelly vessel that got jammed into it last afternoon.” 

“I want to hear the story of how you met!" Marissa cried as she watched Grimm lean on the Nightmare King for support because she had flipped him onto his back too hard. 

“Dad can you not die for like a day?” asked Grimmchild, “I really want to be the one Grimmchild who lived as Grimmchild for more than a day and you can be the one Grimm who didn’t kill himself for more than a day! It’ll be a world record!” 

“Well, that depends on the amount of misery he is enduring right now,” Marissa muttered to herself before perking up. “AHA! Grimmchild, I will help you get your record if you force the story of how your fathers met out of Grimm! Or the Nightmare King, but I would go for Grimm if I were you, the Nightmare King seems unusually grumpy today.”

Grimmchlid pondered on her suggestion for a bit, then began to say, “Dea-” before he was interrupted with a hoarse,

“NOO!” from Grimm, who promised, “I’ll not kill myself, don’t do it Grimmchild, you’ll regret it, a lot! I’m telling you! You’ll become me! And you will regret agreeing with her! I’ll kill myself here and now if you agree with her! Don’t you dare do it, Grimmchild!” 

“Such drama! I’m glad that I signed up to be a teacher for this school,” Sly exclaimed as he randomly popped into the classroom. The teachers continued to yodel at each other as Grimmchild swiveled around, trying to decide which deal would be better.

“If you all shut up for ONE DAMN SECOND, then I might tell you,” the Nightmare King snarled, causing the whole classroom to immediately fall silent. 

“Please, we talked about this,” Grimm whispered to the Nightmare King as he tapped him on the shoulder.

“No turning back,” the Nightmare King murmured, “It’s not the end of the world if they know how we met, after all….”

Marissa ran up to the Nightmare King and clasped him on the shoulder.

“Spill it, sisters,” Marissa hissed.

Grimm decided that hiding in the instrument closet and crying was the current best possible choice, as Marissa turned and told Grimmchild, “Alright, I’ll go make sure he doesn’t kill himself. He really does look like he will.” 

The Nightmare King inhaled theatrically, then said, “He lived in a village some hundred years ago. None of you know of this tribe, as they are long forgotten and any signs of their existence erased off of the face of this planet. I happen to be the same species as him, but unlike him, I was born a Higher Being. I met him in the village and took a liking to him-” Hive Knight snickered loudly. The Nightmare King glared at him and continued, “-So I asked him to join my Troupe to help collect the flames of fallen kingdoms. In return, his village would get protection from other Higher Beings and the gifts of nightmare flame. He agreed, and so then that’s how we met.”

“Wait,” said Grimmchild, “Dad said you threatened him at knifepoint, first!” Grimm’s muffled sobbing stopped for a moment as he said, 

“YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO MENTION THAT!” The Nightmare King shrugged as every teacher fell into stunned silence. 

“Woah,” muttered Hive Knight. “So you were like… Zeus? Just taking babes as they came along?”

“No, whatever gave you that idea?” snarled the Nightmare King. “Grimm… intrigued me. Something, I don’t know. We aren’t even mates, simply just… companions. I just know that if I hadn’t made him join and chosen someone else, he would probably be dead right now.” 

There was a slight pause. 

“Not that I care though,” the Nightmare King added quickly. 

“You said it was because Dad would listen to you because everyone else was stupid and disobedient, and also he had a more compatible personality,” said Grimmchild, making every head in the room turn to him, incredulously. The Nightmare King sat back down and began clinking the tuba shards back together, as Marissa asked, 

“Hey, how did Grimm die the first time he died? You should start an event! Teachers gathering in the music room! Every day you tell a story so the other teachers don’t fall asleep while they grade stuff!” The other teachers, feeling it was good entertainment, nodded as the Nightmare King shook his stupid arrow-shaped head vigorously. 

“Absolutely not! I will not host a stupid event for stupid people about my life’s-” the Nightmare King started but was interrupted by the school bell, which rang loudly. 23 students poured into the room, shooting surprised glances at the extra teachers. More students joined as well, as they heard the loud chattering of students, and teachers, coming from the music room. Moi threw a bright pink frog at Koi, who threw it across the room. If the teachers would do a game, they would also play their own game. 

Meanwhile, Grimmchild had floated over to Blossom and some other vessels, telling a very long story about what had just happened all morning and why the teachers were having a fun story game, and how Marissa wanted a petition to have a  _ Storytime With the Nightmare King and Grimm! _ Event. Several students thought about signing the paper, but would rather stay alive than risk the Nightmare King’s wrath. 

“Come  _ on _ , you should sign it! I’m a teacher and I can keep the Nightmare King from killing you, for at least 5 minutes! Sign it! Don’t you want that gossip event? It’ll be fun! The teachers and students can get to know each other better!” Marissa tried, only for some unsure looks from Quirrel. Dave then declared, 

“Getting know totoototoo eafhother students teachers and sutpid is i s is!!!! Event htishis like!!” He then melted into a puddle of boredom as Grimm tried to walk to his desk, only to be stopped by Marissa, who dragged him by the face to the other side of the room, trying to make him sign her weird petition. 

With an “Absolutely not!” to Marissa, Grimm then said, “Class, today’s Music class will be delayed for a long time, so just practice your instruments. The song you should practice is ‘Decisive Battle’ on page-” He was then dragged out of the classroom by Marissa, leaving the bewildered class to pick up their instruments and begin playing. 2 minutes later, Grimm was dragged back into the classroom by the Nightmare King. The Nightmare King scowled at Marissa and decided that the tuba bits were beyond repair. He then picked Marissa up and threw her to the choir area.

“Go teach your students how to sing ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Mr Mushroom’ or something!” he shouted angrily, “Stop bothering Grimm, he has a class to teach and so do I! All of you, go to your own classrooms!”

“Oh! I know!” exclaimed Marissa, “Let’s have a lesson in  _ songwriting _ today! So, first, you need a melody.” She then sang a few notes, and said, “Now, we need lyrics. How about...  _ Grimm needs to convince the Nightmare King to do a storytime event, Yes he does, yes he does, Grimm hurry up and convince the Nightmare King to do a _ -” 

“STOP THAT!” shouted the Nightmare King, “JUST TEACH THEM A NORMAL SONG AND QUIT THAT STUPID SONGWRITING LESSON NOW!” He reached down and picked up a golden piece of tuba, set it on fire, and threw it at Marissa. Marissa threw her music binder at him. 

“Marissa, please stop harassing me unless you want me to call Campus Security,” Grimm said tiredly as he was plopped into his seat by the Nightmare King. “All the other teachers have already gone to their respective classrooms, you are the only one still left.”

Marissa sighed, seemingly defeated. She walked briskly out of the classroom. Grimm clicked his tongue in victory before turning towards his classroom.

“Alright, children, Decisive Battle, page 13. Make sure you do it to the beat, and at least make sure you get most of the notes correct. I will be checking you all as you play,“ Grimm announced as the students began to practice on their own. The Nightmare King muttered something before walking out of the classroom to teach his stinky PE students. 

“TTOTOTOOTOTOTOOTOTOOOTOOTOTOOTOOOOOOOOOOOOOT??????” asked SOP, confused about their instrument as it had been broken, as well as several other instruments, “TTOOTOTOTHOOWOWO HOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWOWO????????Q?!??!?!??!??!?????” 

“No, just pick one up from the floor,” started Grimm, “Oh wait, no, you don’t have your own instrument? That’s not good, everything is either taken or broken (“LIKE MEMEMEMEEEEEE” said Dave), I’m not sure. Why don’t you try to help repair some of the instruments, then?” 

“k” said SOAP before rolling away off a howling cliff. 

Grimm looked at Dave and said, “What do you mean you’re broken? You’re normal so be quiet and play your trombone. Is it broken as well or something?” Dave nodded, and Grimm sighed. Marissa’s head was seen peeking through the window. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nk x Grimm isn't canon in the school verse nor in the canonverse, therefore their relationship is purely platonic. Hive Knight just wants to annoy Nk in this fic tho


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the next day formally begins. aka music class for first and then art class because why not.

“I must leave for SilkSong,” declared Hornet, “I need to leave for SilkSong, goodbye. I’m never coming back, bye, you idiots.” She then promptly jumped out the window and got captured by evil cult bugs. 

“Is the hoNret siLksoNg bakc come after finished will?” asked Dave, staring at SOAP, who was shaking their head and praying to someone. 

“Can we just have _one_ normal day without screaming children, people who die, students who rip their faces out, idiots throwing up on their classmates, and other stupids driving the teachers crazy?” asked Grimm as the class began freaking out about whether SilkSong would come out or not now that Hornet had left for SilkSong.

Jake waddled up to Grimm and shook him vigorously by the shoulders.

“SILKSONG? SILKSONG SILSONG?” he garbled as he continually shook Grimm by the shoulders. “SILKSONG?” 

“No,” Grimm hissed as he picked up Jake and tossed him back to the stupid students area. “Silksong is not coming out for a long time, so I don’t even know why Hornet jumped out the window and got herself captured! And what’s even more stupid is that since _I’M_ the teacher, I have to go get her back! SILKSONG ISN’T READY YET!”

Right as Grimm finished his tirade, Hornet was flung back into the classroom with the brute force of a singing marker. Lace cackled at her madly as everyone else looked at each other with confused expressions.

“Sliksnog?” SOAP asked as they poked Hornet’s eyehole. “Sliksnog come is or not?” Suddenly, Hornet started shrieking as she jumped with unnatural height and got stuck in the ceiling. 

“NOT!” she screeched angrily. “I WAS WRONG! HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN WRONG?!”

Lace giggled as Hornet continued to babble about how angry she was that she was wrong and everyone was an idiot and SILKSONG SILKSONG SILKSONG and also don’t rush the developers. Grimm sighed as Hornet wriggled around the roof, screeching at the top of her nonexistent lungs for somebody to let her down. 

“Lace, can you please get Hornet off the roof? I would, but I don’t want to be mistakenly registered as molesting a child.” Grimm then turned around and smacked a tooth out of Grimmchild’s buff hands. Lace rolled her eyes before leaping up to the roof and grabbing Hornet’s feet. Hornet started screaming that something was touching her feet and it felt like some weird raccoon eating her toenails. Lace swung back and forth from Hornet’s feet, trying in vain to let her down from the smelly roof. 

“Zote,” said Zote.

“CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME?!” Lace screeched angrily as she flopped around Hornet’s stinky feet. “THIS IDIOT IS COMPLETELY STUCK!”

“AOIIOIOIOIOIOOIOIIII” Respo yelled as she leaped up to grab Hornet’s foot as well. Rainle joined Respo, grabbing Respo’s stinger and pulling as he, Respo, and Lace tried to get Hornet off of the roof. As Rainle grabbed Respo, who was grabbing Lace, who was grabbing Hornet, Hornet suddenly peeled off the ceiling, and Rainle, Respo, and Lace all fell onto the floor, Hornet landing on top of them.

“GET THIS FAT SPIDER OFF OF ME!” shrieked Lace, as Hornet’s bendy needle slapped her in the face, “SOMEONE GET THIS FAT SPIDER OFF OF ME! NOW!” 

“Say pleeeeeaaauuuueeeee,” Dave said as Lace rolled around in smelly circles, trying to dodge Hornet’s stinky needle as it spiked everywhere. “Say please and maybe!"

“NO!” Lace screeched as she was crushed by the smelly spider. “THIS IS NO TIME FOR POLITENESS! THIS STUPID SPIDER IS CRUSHING MY LUNGS!” Respo wailed miserably as she tried and failed to scuttle away from the pile of idiots, for she was stuck at the very bottom. Rainle was trying and failing to peel Hornet the Weird Floppy Thing off of Lace, causing Lace to screech even more about how she couldn’t breathe because Hornet was flopping around like a dead fish on steroids. 

“Lugns? Did not the do have lugns? What are?” SOAP asked inquisitively as they pondered over a few music notes that didn’t make any sense because it was impossible to play middle C and the lowest A note at the same time with one hand on the piano. 

“Well, Lace has lungs because she’s not made of void-” Quirrel started before he was interrupted by Koi.

“LAECEC ID VOIB?????!!!” Koi screeched as she fell through the floor. “IS IS IS VOID? LACE VOID!??”

“LACE IS VOID!!!!!” Moi screamed back as she too fell through the floor, crushing Herrah in her classroom, midspeech, “VOIDDDD!”

“What is wrong with all of you today,” muttered Grimm as he knocked more teeth out of Grimmchild’s buff fingers. Sighing, he walked over t0 the bumbling pile of idiots and pried Hornet off of Lace’s fat, smelly, fly-filled face. Respo muttered her thanks before waddling back to her desk next to Rainle. 

“What’s wrong with _you_ ?” snarked Grimmchild, salty about his tooths collection being ruined by Grimm, “You once were me, and I enjoy ripping out teeth. Any teeth. Children’s teeth, your teeth, adults’ teeth, and you once did too! This is completely normal, so _I should be allowed to rip out everyone’s teeth_!” Grimmchild then proceeded to flap over to SOUP and pull their teeth out. 

“Correction: We are separate entities. Though yes, you are my son and my next body, as I demonstrated yesterday, my reincarnations are purely made of flame. Meaning that you are your own person and I am my own. The Nightmare King is the one who you got those teeth-ripping genes from, not me. I was always a very talented, decent, well-mannered child when I was your age, per-se, quite the opposite of all the smelly, stinky, basketball-shaped piles of arms and void infection that I am required to teach.” Grimm huffed before dusting off his hands and returning to his desk. Before sitting down, Grimm reached over and plucked 7 teeth out of Grimmchild’s hands. 

“LACECECEEEE IS VOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOOIODDDDD!!!” shrieked Koi and Moi from below as they raced up the stairs, crash landing onto several students and cracking Blossom’s face open. 

“I AM MOST DEFINITELY _NOT_ VOID!” screeched Lace in her high pitched annoying voice that sounded like a rhino on helium and steroids, “I AM NOT VOID! AND GET THIS… SPIDER THING OFF OF ME! AND MAKE HER NEEDLE STOP SLAPPING ME!!!”  
  


“NO WAY, FLY CONDUCTOR!” responded Hornet, “YOU’RE TRYING TO KILL ME EVEN THOUGH YOU SUCK AT IT SO NO! GO BACK TO FARTLOOM SCHOOL FOR STUPIDS!” 

“Zote,” said Zote.

“LASSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEE VOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIiiddddddddddddddddDDDDDDDDDDD VOIOIODIOD DDD VOID VOID VOIDDDDDDDDDDDDD-” Koi and Moi started again, still dizzy from cracking Blossom’s face open, before Grimmchild flew over to them and began ripping their nonexistent teeth out, trying to replenish his stash of teeth that Grimm had tossed in the garbage can and flushed down the toilet. 

“Grimm, can you please stop sending me teeth?” Dung Defender asked as he finally stopped playing the national Hallownest Anthem mixed with gas pass noises on the trumpet for one second. “They’re quite hard to sleep on, and though I do appreciate the gifts, I have no use for them.” 

“I can get them for you-” Grimmchild said before Grimm threw a shoe at him. 

“Sorry, Dung Defender, I’ll find some other way to dispose of them,” Grimm stated as he tossed the teeth out the window. 

“HEY!” yelled the Nightmare King from down below, “Don’t throw teeth at me! Grimm, discipline your stupid students! Give those teeth to Grimmchild or something if someone loses them, don’t throw them at me!” 

“Oops,” muttered Grimm before shoving the teeth into the garbage can, and seeing 7 teeth (the exact number of teeth he had just thrown down) fly up and thwack Dave, who was melting into infection and muttering, “Iiiiiiiii,” by the window in the face, teeth landing into his eyes. 

“Where does he keep getting shoes from?” Quirrel asked as he wrote down notes. “Truly fascinating! Once I’m done documenting the vessels, for sure Grimm, the Nightmare King, and Grimmchild are next!” SOAP melted into Void next to Quirrel, slipping around like a puddle of dog pee (infection) eating a cabbage full of flukemarm coconut shells. 

As Grimmchild reached over to rip out Quirrel’s teeth, Grimm picked up a boot and threw it at Grimmchild. 

“STOP RIPPING OUT TEETH!” Grimm yelled madly as he picked up more footwear, getting ready to throw them if things got out of hand. Grimmchild picked up the boot that was tossed at him and grumbled before turning around and chucking it out the window. 

“GIVE BAKC SHOO!!” screeched Koi, grabbing a random piece of broken tuba and throwing it at Grimm, who dropped a shoe with a Bright Pink Frog and some sand inside of it. Koi picked it up, stuffed it into her foot, and waddled back to her desk as the shoe melted into her Voidy, smelly, and drippy foot. 

Grimm facepalmed. “What stupid shenanigan is going to happen next?” he muttered, watching Blossom study Grimmchild’s science project (A ‘Toothripper Bot’, which rips out teeth and teleports them to Grimmchild’s collection), and Dave melting into a stinky pile of infection and leaking out the window. 

“HEY!” came a shriek from the Nightmare King down below. “STOP THROWING STUFF AT ME! FIRST TEETH, THEN A BOOT, AND NOW DAVE IS DRIPPING ONTO MY FACE! TELL YOUR STUDENTS TO STOP CHUCKING STUFF OUT THE WINDOWS!”

“Hey! HOW DARE YOU FORGET ABOUT ME!” whined Lace, “GET THIS SMELLY, FAT, OVERWEIGHT SPIDER OFF OF ME!!” Hornet screeched and responded with a, 

“Well, YOU’RE the fat one! YOU’RE MUCH FATTER THAN ME!” The ceiling then caved in.

“Ooops, sorry,” said Snej, as Woji ran up the stairs, screaming, 

“Stop destroying my roofs!” Woji then whapped Snej with a Rancid Egg, and pulled Snej out of the classroom, leaving Grimm to deal with a freaking out, freaked out class, a broken roof, broken instruments, broken vessels, stupid devices, ripped out teeth, old boots, a massive dent in the floor from Snej landing, and a few Bright Pink Frogs, which were being tossed around by Koi, Moi, and Jake. 

“I thinked Grimm peeled the smelly spooder off of your are face like 20 paragraphs ago?” Finette asked as Ivy rolled around her desk, spilling fish sauce everywhere for some odd reason. 

Dave flopped back into the classroom, muttering, “Nightmare Konkeys fase felled off,” before plapping onto his chair and melting onto the windowsill. 

“WHO THE HECK IS PLAYING PIANO MAN?!” screeched Grimm. “WE’RE NOT DOING THAT YET, GO BACK TO DECISIVE BATTLE!!!” SOAP let out a deflated wet balloon noise before playing ‘Again’ from FMAB. 

“STOP THAT!” hollered Grimm, yanking SOAP off the piano and assigning them the role of ‘singing while the others played’. Grimm then grabbed Quirrel and stuck him on the piano. 

“Wait, but I can’t play piano!” said Quirrel nervously, “What am I supposed to do?!” 

SOAP cleared their throat dramatically before bursting out into song. 

“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIi, am n-O-OO-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-ooo-OoOOOo-ttttttt SOAP!” SOAP sang in a perfect C major chord. 

“Zote,” said Zote.

“SHAW,” screeched Hornet as she played a terrible piece (her own composition) called ‘Die Fly Conductor Die Or I Will Make Grimmchild Rip Out Your Teeth And Burn You To Death And Then Throw Your Dead Body In A Ditch’, “ADINO!” 

“GET OFF ME!!” shrieked Lace, still stuck under Hornet, who was playing ‘Die Fly Conductor Die Or I Will Make Grimmchild Rip Out Your Teeth And Burn You To Death And Then Throw Your Dead Body In A Ditch’, “GET OFF! TROBBIO! KILL HER NOW OR SOMETHING!” 

Trobbio rolled over to Hornet before spitting out a piece of soap in her eyeholes. Hornet screeched in terror, for she was afraid of the oncoming explosion that was soon to come from the other SOAP across the room. SOAP looked at Hornet to see what the commotion was, spotted the piece of soap, and began having screeching fits of seizures and flashbacks. 

“NOOOOOITOTOTOIOIJUTYUKHJGYTJYKHGTFRHNJMNGBHYJ SOAOPAPOPAOOPAOSPILJSHIINM! IM NOT NOT NTONTIHTYFTGYBHNJIHUYGTFGHSXJ AYHFDGJMNBGFH!!!”!” screeched SOAP as they flailed around, knocking over desks and flipping classmates over onto their backs. Grimm looked at the destroyed classroom and sighed before proceeding to jump out of the classroom’s window. Grimmchild flew after him out the window, yelling about how they could have a World Record if he didn’t kill himself. 

“STOP THROWING STUFF AT ME- Oh, it’s you. Go back to teaching stupid vessels and smelly maggots,” snapped the Nightmare King, “It hasn’t even been an hour yet! Are you seriously going to keep jumping out the window?! They’re going to cut your pay! Go away! Shoo!” The Nightmare King snapped, and Grimm and Grimmchild were teleported back into the classroom, to see that the classroom was now flooded with sand, Bright Pink Frogs, broken bits of wall and ceiling, more screaming, melting, breaking students, teeth, shoes, chalk, and random blobs of infection (most likely Dave). Koi and Moi were in a corner, stacking Bright Pink Frogs like a shield that could block the scary sand from the scary Desert of Bright Pink Frogs. 

“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII AMMAMMAMMMAMMMMMMMMMMMMJMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAMMAMAMMAMMAMAAAAAMMMMMMMM NOOOTOOOOOOOOOTOTOOTOTOTOTOOTOTOTOTOTOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPAPAPAPAPAPPAPAPPPPP OR SOOSOOOSOSOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP ORRRRR SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!” sang SOP, choking on grains of sand and Bright Pink Tadpoles. 

Finally, Grimm decided now would be a good time to yodel and use his powers, like that wasn’t a good idea 5 paragraphs ago.

“ALL OF YOU, DETENTION!” Grimm snarled as he used his cloak tendrils to spike everyone in the foot, successfully immobilizing everyone. 

“Wow yuo ar az menasing az ay brite lite nite,” stated Jake as his foot was speared by a cloak spike and broken into tiny Void particles. Grimmchild picked up a spare boot and smacked Jake’s face angrily.

“I’m tired of this too, and I want that world record!” he hissed as he smacked Jake’s face again. 

“NITE LITES SCRAY!!!” protested Jake, trying to explain that he had a weird Night Light phobia, “NITE LITES SCAR!!!! BRANE!!!! SCRAYY!!!!” 

“SHUT UP!” Grimm screeched raspily, “EVERYONE WHO WAS INVOLVED WITH FLOODING MY CLASSROOM WITH SAND, BITS OF SOAP, TEETH, BRIGHT PINK FROGS, OR BREAKING MY CLASSROOM AND INSTRUMENTS, DETENTION!” 

Grimmchild sighed before writing down on some paper. 

“SOAP, Hornet, Trobbio, Lace, Koi, Moi, Jake, Dave, oh yeah, Afro duplicated the frogs and sand... Who else..?… oh, me, of course, and Cedrin, who helped make a dent in the floor.” Grimmchild passed the note to Grimm before flying away to examine his fingernails and teeth collections on his desk. 

“Thanks, Grimmchild,” Grimm muttered before retreating his cloak tendrils, “But you still need to stop ripping out children’s teeth.” 

“No, I don’t. You need to stop dying so we can get the world record!” replied Grimmchild, flapping around and yanking out SOUP’s teeth, “I want that world record and I want it _now_! But I also want teeth!” 

“HEY!” shouted the Nightmare King for the third time, “YOU NEED TO STOP THROWING THINGS AT ME! MAKE STUPID STOP DRIPPING OUT ONTO MY HEAD!” Dave was then flung back through the window, oozing and melting into another puddle of drippy infection.  
  


“Principal, I do not plead wanted you’re juice are oranges,” asked SOUP as the Radiance floated up the stairs.

“Grimm, what is this mess?” asked the Radiance, scowling, “The other teachers are complaining about this noise and… Bright Pink Frogs, along with soap, sand, and bits of slime dripping, boots and teeth being dropped on heads, students not learning anything, students dying, and much more. But, I do not have time to list them. You’d better stop this and teach the students right, otherwise, your payment will be lowered!” the Radiance then floated crossly down the stairs, and teleported away. 

Grimm sighed, staring at the hopeless class, the broken instruments, the mess, as his ears broke even though he didn’t have any from the noise of the screaming classroom. Frogs jumped out the window, croaking as Grimm stared blankly. He was on the verge of going mad again. Whether it was the class, the broken items, the frogs, the noise, or the fact that he was alive too long, he didn’t know. Grimm then screeched loudly and fell out the window and ran to commit buzzsaw in the White Palace, before anyone, not even Grimmchild, could stop him. 

“AY!” came the mad screeching from the Nightmare King as Grimm fell onto his head. Before the Nightmare King could seize Grimm, Grimm ran off, muttering about how he was going to commit fork in an electric socket. The Nightmare King flung a few Primal Aspids at his current students, barking a few last orders before he raced after Grimm. Grimmchild flopped out of the window only for Quirrel to pull him back in. 

“Hey!” Grimmchild protested as he tried to wriggle free from Quirrel. “What’s the big deal? Dad 1 is going to kill himself, so Dad 2 and I need to do something!”

“You need to help us manage the classroom,” Quirrel begged as he dragged Grimmchild back in through the window. “Cloth and I can’t handle this, and I’m sure your father would really appreciate it if you subbed for him.” He couldn’t get free from Quirrel’s grasp, though, even with buff powers (Quirrel had made some other students help restrain the Child). So, he did the only thing he could do right then. 

“WORLD REEEEEECCOOOOOOOOORDDDDD!!!” shrieked Grimmchild, throwing Primal Aspids at Grimm, who was 3 inches away from the White Palace, and about to commit fork in an electric sawblade. Sadly, Grimmchild was too late, and he morphed into Grimm. 

“Great,” Grimm said, “I’m back here.” Taking advantage of the students’ shock from him suddenly respawning, Grimm ran out the window again, when he was stopped by the Nightmare King.

“CHILD!” hissed the Nightmare King, punching Grimm’s stomach and causing Grimmchild to shoot out of Grimm’s mouth, along with some flames. A few seconds later, Grimm was running back to the White Palace, going to commit Hollow Knight Boss Battle Phase 2 When There is a Dramatic Music Change. 

“Oh, great, now I’ll never get that record! The last me was closer, and that isn’t even entirely me even though that was me! Oh well, I want to be the one anyway, but still,” whined Grimmchild angrily, before heading to the classroom and trying to explain to the other students why they should buy chains to chain Grimm up when he grew up so they could get that world record. 

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“Up shut shut!!” thonked Hammer, whacking Zote’s face and throwing up void on Zemmoth’s desk. Respo recoiled in disgust and decided moving away from Hammer was a good choice. 

“NIUEHNUIEHIUDHEWUIDHUEIHNUINDUHE??” asked Afro, chucking every pair of scissors he could find out the window, as Grimmchild morphed into Grimm and the bell rang. 

The moment Grimm respawned, Quirrel and a bunch of other students flopped onto him, yelling about him having to stay and teach them for who knows what reasons. Grimm easily broke free from the students, only to run straight into the Nightmare King who grabbed Grimm by the elbows, restraining him from going anywhere. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” Grimm sogged as the Nightmare King clasped him tightly. 

“Hush,” murmured the Nightmare King as Marissa watched from the window, fangirling because there was so much drama that was going on this morning. Both students from Grimm and the Nightmare King’s class watched with fascination as the Nightmare King spoke to Grimm, trying to get him to calm down. 

“Woahahahagdvdhfjwekm” siad the Cup Vessel who was in the Nightmare King’s PE class. “Is are the nice to each other? Weird! Nightmare King is……… niiiiicceee????

“Woahahahagdvdhfjwekm Is are the nice to each other? Weird! Nightmare King is……… niiiiicceee???? Woahahahagdvdhfjwekm Is are the nice to each other? Weird! Nightmare King is……… niiiiicceee????” went the tape recorder from Tape Recorder, who was also in PE.

“STOP THAT!” screeched SOAP from the window, only to be recorded and spammed on the evil being known as “Tape Recorder”. 

The Nightmare King glared at his students before screaming at them to go to the next class. Hurriedly, his students ran off the PE Field, terrified because there was a huge wall of flame that was chasing them as they ran. Quirrel glanced back to Grimm before ordering his classmates to move out unless they wanted to be late for Science. Grimmchild reluctantly began shooing his classmates out of Grimm’s class, looking back once or twice to observe Grimm still sobging as the Nightmare King tried to comfort him.

“Is Grimm is soggy an noodles?” asked Hammer, “Or beans green are soggy boss sobbign?” Koi nodded, and Hammer bowed to Koi (for no reason) and made a dent in the floor. Grimm stared at the crack, opened his mouth to say something, and realized that Hammer wasn’t in his classroom so it wasn’t his problem. He let out a sigh of relief before slumping down tiredly as the Nightmare King held him up. The stupid students turned to go to the next class and torture the next teacher. 

As they screeched and rolled down the stairs like penguins on drugs, Ivy flapped over to Grimmchild and asked, “Who has a school calendar? I lost mine 7 months ago. What period is next?”

“How is that even possible?” asked Cloth, “School only started 3 months ago.” 

“I said, _I L O S T I T ._ ”

“But how? It makes no sense. Even if you got it before you got in the school, everyone got their calendars about 4 months ago. Not 7!”

“I LOST IT! JUST SHOW ME THE STUPID CALENDAR!”

“ASK QUIRREL OR SOMETHING!”  
  


“Wait, why me?” asked Quirrel, as confused as a hippo suddenly plopped onto a wrecking ball that was swinging into the Bermuda Triangle and full of Gruz Mothers running around bouncing on the ocean as swordfish threw up on the clouds, “Why is it always me?”

“Well,” started Cloth, “You’re the only one who can actually keep track of your calendar. Also, you have it out right now, so you might as well help us out.” She pulled Quirrel over and told Ivy, 

“Make this guy give you his calendar. Mine is somewhere else.” 

“MONOLOGUE??” asked Moi, confusing several students about the name of their Science teacher, “NOMOnOM??”

“MOMONOM!!” replied Koi, sliding down the floor and getting stepped on by Afro. 

“Actually,” Grimmchild muttered, “Next would be art. We switch our courses around each day for some reason, it’s weird.”

“Why art?” Rainle whined. “It’s not even curricular, and I suck at art!” Grimmchild snorted.

“You think you’re bad at art?” Hornet flopped next to Grimmchild and Rainle, interrupting their stinky conversation of how they sucked at sketching grubs massacring 16 vengefly kings while sticking the broken feet of the Collector up Grimm’s nose. 

“I AM SOOOOOOOOO GOOD AT FART,” Hornet exclaimed as she rolled around, poking Lace’s eyes with her stinky bendy needle. 

“Well I can certainly smell how good you are,” Lace snapped as she picked up her pin and started smacking Hornet’s face with it. “And if you meant Art, then you are completely wrong. You are absolutely horrendous at painting, drawing, or sketching of any kind.”

“I am an astronaut and I will go to space without my helmet,” asked the Astronaut Not Woman, on top of Hammer’s head for no reason. Hammer, who had a fat vessel on his face, was walking down the stairs normally like it was normal for them to stroll down the street with a fat thing on their head. 

“My feet are that of a crawlid falling off into the acid of Fog Canyon,” declared Afro fluently, before adding, “yuo arrre arewarwaea aaaaaaaa flautently arearere bbabbaddd!!” 

“INNANGPROPRATE!!” screeched Dave the Puddle, “ININISNIAPERATE!!” 

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“Who is the art teacher?” Rainle asked as he fell down and smushed Clover with his bell hat. 

“Sheo, of course, and the Nailsmith as an assistant,” Quirrel said matter-of-factly as he dodged Ivy, who was darting at him, trying to get a hold of his calendar. 

“Hey, is it true that your Dad is an art teacher?” Yvette asked softly as she poked Grimmchild’s eye. 

“Which one?”

“Both!”

“Well, Dad 1 is actually pretty good at drawing, but he wanted to do Music so he only does Music, Mental Counseling, and Sparring. Dad 2 would, surprisingly, be exceptionally very good at art, but he kept burning canvases and students and blowing up the Art classroom, so now he sticks to Sparring, PE, Mental Counseling, and sometimes Music if Grimm has trouble keeping his students at bay.”

“Nightmare King painting something?” Millybug exclaimed. “That’s something I wanna see! Also, does anybody want freshly baked cookies?”

“Not too sure if he kept any of his artwork,” Grimmchild replied as Myla reached over to grab a cookie from Millybug. “Though, if he does have any of his art, I can ask to bring it and show you guys.”

“SHOW AND SMELL!” screeched Hornet as she was slapped into the wall by the stinky Lace. “Show and Smell is fun!”

“Sniff the painting of Grimm stubbing his toe?” Koi asked as she fell down the stairs for the umpteenth time. 

“He drew Grimm stubbing his nonexistent toe?” Quirrel asked as the children ran, coming closer to the Art classroom. 

“I wanna see that,” said the Pale Lurker as God Tamer cackled and fell through the roof on top of her, smushing her. 

“I’m not sure, but I do know that he drew a picture of him setting all the children on fire and laughing alongside Grimm, so I don’t really know. However, I do know that he once asked to observe Grimm or something to draw him, but that was like a year ago,” Grimmchild stated as Blossom ran into a pole and trotted on Jake’s feet, earning her some shrieks and voidy yells from Jake.

“Show and Smell!” exclaimed Honret as she flung her needle at Lace’s forehead. “I once brought my needle to show and smell, and I poked SOAP in the eyes like 50 times to show how strong it was!”

“I AM NOT SOAP!” screeched SOAP as they rolled into Sheo’s classroom. 

“Don’t you do that, like, every day?” Cloth asked as she followed SOAP into the brightly lit classroom. Hornet nodded and plopped onto her desk. Cloth noticed Hornet’s weird looking drawing of Lace dying and a bar of SOAP that looked more like a nun and a piece of chalk. Lace, next to Hornet, scoffed and began doodling an ugly red and white thing that looked like a hat with x eyes. 

“Shippy ship ship!” sang somebody in the fandom.

“SHUT UP WE HATE EACH OTHER I HOPE YOU DIE!” honked Hornet like a goose on fire. 

“bAka,” Lace snarked as she smacked Hornet on the head with her weird smelly pin. “sTiNKY! stUPidiot!”

“O” said God Tamer as she drew a picture of her and Pale Lurker rancid egging the Pale Thing’s palace. “Where’s Sheo? Isn’t he supposed to be here already?”

“Coming!” Sheo said happily as he carried 58974897436 paintbrushes and other stuff that you would need to use in order to paint. “I was asking to borrow some supplies, never thought I would have this many students!”

“He is is?” asked Jake sleepily, because for some reason it was okay to sleep in Art class, according to him. (It wasn’t actually okay) 

“Egg cramp,” stated the Pale Lurker as she leaned over God Tamer, adding some more doodles of the Pale King chasing some vessels around in the background. The Nailsmith hurried up to Sheo, helping him carry all of his new supplies to the tables and desks. 

“Alright, everyone! The Nailsmith and I have thought of something very fun that we think you all might like. Today, you are going to pair up with a partner and draw each other!” Sheo announced as he and the Nailsmith set down art supplies on a table. 

“Make sure not to get paint everywhere and make sure that you actually try, alright?” the Nailsmith said as he passed out paper, brushes, pencils, erasers, and paint to everybody in the class. 

“I drew a Lace and SOAP before class,” Hornet said proudly as she handed her terrible scribbles to Sheo. “See? That’s Lace the Stinky Fly Conductor who’s dead because I smacked her, and the thingy next to her is my stupid annoying sibling SOAP who always is screeching and flailing around!”

“I AM _NOT_ SOAP!” SOAP screamed as they grabbed a piece of paper and smacked it onto Honret’s face, earning them another poke from Hornet’s smelly bendy needle. 

“Uh… is there any chance that you could do… maybe... A more- uh- happy drawing? Like, maybe with Lace posing with her needle or SOAP not squashed-” Sheo said before he was interrupted by SOAP. 

“I AM NOT SOAP! STOP CALLING ME SOAP! FOR THE FIVE THOUSAND SIX HUNDRED AND FIFTY SECOND TIME, MY NAME IS _GHOST_! NOT SOAP!”

“Whatever you say, _SOAP_ ,” Cedrin snickered as he continued to sketch Scuttle sitting on a bench. 

“How do you draw?” Scuttle asked as he tried to hold his brush upside down. “I have too many legs.” Severin shrugged before continuing to try and sketch Erith, only for the eraser to drop out of her hands and onto the floor before it was eaten by Jake. Dave was melting as he tried to draw Blossom, who was having a very hard time staying still because there was a Vengefly that flew in through the window that was trying to bite her toes. 

“IIIIIIIIIIIIII” Dave announced as he picked up his drawing to show proudly to the rest of the class a neat drawing of Blossom yelling at a Vengefly. 

“That’s very good, but could you color it?” Sheo asked as he tried to help Quirrel draw SOAP, who was having a hard time posing because they kept rolling off the stool. 

“Oahhufe ok,” said Dave as he waddled back to his desk to color the portrait of Blossom. 

Meanwhile, Lace was on the other side of the room, drawing a very realistic Hornet who was on her needle, shrieking as she rolled around. Lace giggled as she added some stink lines to the drawing, turning away from Hornet to hide her laughter. Hornet scribbled madly on the paper in frustration because she kept drawing Lace’s head upside down for some reason. Grimmchild made a weird scribble that somewhat resembled Ivy holding a paintbrush before giving up and flying away to rip out somebody’s teeth. 

“Realism,” the Nailsmith stated as he drew a very realistic picture of Hornet. 

The picture suddenly screeched, “SHAW!” before the picture Hornet’s needle started extending before coming out of the portrait and smacking SOAP’s face.

“OWWWW HOWWWWW” SOAP yelled as they were smacked several times in the face by both picture Hornet and actual Hornet’s needles. 

“Realism,” the Nailsmith stated again before he walked away to sketch something else. 

Suddenly, the Nightmare King burst into the classroom. Everyone immediately stopped what they were doing out of sheer terror, all except for Nailsmith, who just couldn’t give a hoot at this point.

“WHO TOOK MY- oh.” The Nightmare King looked at Sheo and the Nailsmith before shrugging. “My bad, continue on. You need them more than me.” He then turned around and sprinted back outside to yell at the PE students that for not showering they had to do 89576347 laps of the White Palace with 895789375983 buzzsaw Primal Asspids chasing them. 

There was silence before someone spoke again.

“You did ask him for permission, right?” the Nailsmith asked as he continued to draw a picture of a squashed soap bar.

“I did,” Sheo muttered as he picked up a canvas to help Quirrel with his sketches. “Although, I’m not too sure if the Nightmare King forgot or I forgot....” Quirrel shuddered as SOAP tried to get back onto the stool, only to roll back off and get poked by picture Hornet’s fat bendy needle. 

“He has good memory,” muttered Grimmchild, “He knows how each and every flame is positioned, he knows if I throw my flames away because he knows how they are positioned. He also yelled at Grimm last month about something minor that happened like 82398 years ago.” 

“Then what the heck was that all about?” Tiso asked as he made an actually okay-ish looking oil painting of Cloth posing with her mace club thingy.

“Are you SURE you asked?” Nailsmith poked Sheo in the face with his paintbrush. “Like, completely positive?”

Sheo paused for a moment before sighing.

“Maybe I didn’t,” he replied, still pondering. “I could’ve sworn that I did ask… maybe not...”

“Who did yuo assek,” Jake said as he flopped off of a bench that was full of weird sculptures that depicted Joth smacking SOAP on the head with 90 benches and 2 rocks. Suddenly, it dawned on Sheo.

“OH! I asked Grimm, that’s why!”

“What,” said Lace, confused as Hornet smacked her in the head with her needle for the umpteenth time. “Why would you ask Grimm?”

“Well, would you rather ask Grimm for some paintbrushes or the Nightmare King?” Cloth shot back as the Pale Lurker cackled because God Tamer’s portrait looked nice. “I think that the obvious answer would be Grimm, right?”

“No idea about you guys, but Grimm is like 100% more chill than the Nightmare King,” Millybug said as she drew a picture of Bretta holding a box of cookies. “Cookies, anyone?”

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“Is that all you’re gonna say?” Myla asked as she scrubbed her paper using an eraser. 

“Zote,” said Zote.

“The guy’s ego has been so damaged that he turned into a Pokemon,” Grimmchild muttered, earning a few laughs from the class. 

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“Zote,” said Zote.

“Zote,” said Zote.

“Zote,” said Zote.

“How long do you think this will go on?” Ivy asked as Zote continued to chant ‘Zote.’

“At least until the Creators come up with some ideas,” Deduline replied as he tipped over on his back and died because the paintbrush was actually a buzzsaw. 

Tape Recorder was getting very mad from the Science classroom down the hall. 

“COPY COPY MMMMMMENANNENNANN COPYY FAKKERKKKKRERRR MAIIIIIIIIIII TAPE REVCORED SPAM POKEMONF COPY COP Y FAKKEKRKEKRKEKRKEKRKEKRKEKRKRRR CTRL V!!!!!” they screeched, somehow hearing Zote through the walls from the Science classroom, “FAFKKFKEKRKERKEKRKF AKEKRK RIM JR ERALLL OEN E ERFRKEKRKEKREKRKEKRKK!!” 

Monomon’s muffled voice was then heard, saying, “Shut _up_!” while Tape Recorder spammed “SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP” on the tape recorder. 

“That child was a nightmare,” stated Sheo as he tried to help SOAP draw Quirrel, who didn’t know how to pose properly. 

“Faker,” mumbled Grimmchild. “My dad is the Nightmare, not Tape Recorder.” 

“Wait, so do I sit like this?” asked Quirrel, sitting on one leg with his arm under the other, bent at an extremely unnatural angle, “Or this?” He then put his foot over his other hand, which was resting on the chair. 

“You would do very well in Grimm’s Advanced Sparring class,” Scuttle said as Quirrel continued to do weird poses that cracked his joints. “They make you do the splits and stuff in the Advanced Class, it’s very weird.”

“So is it this?” asked Quirrel, his legs twisting into a knot as his arm curled around his other arm, which was bent weirdly around his legs, still stuck in a knot. SOAP gave Quirrel a thumbs up before sketching the twisted Quirrel on their paper.

“But... Does it hurt?” Sheo asked as Quirrel stayed in the weird curling arm and legs in knots position. “The current position you are in looks…. Unnatural? Uncomfortable, more like it.”

“Oh, I’m fine,” Quirrel said as SOAP continued to scribble on their paper. “I’m just really confused, that’s all.” 

“How are your limbs not broken?” asked a very discombobulated Nailsmith, “They should be cracked and broken by now.”  
  


“What?” asked Quirrel, clearly not seeing anything wrong about his anatomy. SOP scribbled a weird knot shaped scribble on their paper, which had a sketch that looked quite similar to Quirrel, except his arm was wrapped three times around his legs instead of four times. 

“Oooooooooooh,” asked Dave, “ARE.” 

“But what does that meeeeeeaaaaaaaaannn???” inquired Quirrel as he was still twisted like a demented pretzel. Huffing, he extended his arms to grab a piece of paper and a pencil to start taking more notes on the vessels.

“G,” said Blossom as she drew Dave with weird infectious blobs flopping all over his head as the Radiance chugged a bottle of orange juice in the background. 

Lace started cackling like a parrot belonging to someone who lived in the much-needed mental facility as Honret glared daggers at her and threw 17 glinting bits of desk at Lace’s face. SOUP, curious and nearby, snuck a glance at Lace’s drawing, and threw up some weird looking bits of Geo, Void, and Weaverlings, vibrating furiously. Hornet glared at the drawing and Lace, her eyes focusing individually like a stinky chameleon.

Meanwhile, SOAP screeched at Lace because she drew a picture of them being smacked in the face by stinky Hornet’s fat stupid needle that was bending in 30 different directions at once with red X’s on her eyes. Lace let out a high pitched giggle before tossing a tooth at SOAP, which hit them straight in the middle of their forehead and knocked them out. Quirrel the Pretzel Advanced Sparring Student continued to take notes as Grimmchild swooped down and yanked the tooth out of SOP’s forehead along with several of their own before he flew off to finish painting Ivy. 

“What a lively classroom!” exclaimed Sheo as he happily observed the students ‘draw each other.’ “This is starting to inspire me! Maybe I should draw everyone right now!” He quickly whipped out his paintbrush and a canvas before observing his classroom as students continued to yell at each other for not drawing them properly. 

“Are you not CONCERNED?” exclaimed Grimmchild in an accurate and raspy imitation of Grimm’s 5th most famous line, before floating over to show off his drawing, and to rip out someone’s teeth. 

“COPPY COPPY!” screamed Blossom as she rolled off the table and died. “YUO ARENTTTT GRIM!”

“YEAH, but I’m his SON, so it’s fine,” Grimmchild snapped like a clam in the sink before flying over to Blossom and ripping out her teeth. 

The Pale Lurker flung bits of sponge and paper at Tiso who had smashed her drawing because he accidentally stepped on it and the Radiance’s fat Mawlek came crashing through several floors up above before squashing Tiso and Pale Lurker’s painting. 

“STOP TOSSING SPONGES AT ME!” shrieked Tiso as he was smushed by the morbidly obese Mawlek. “IT’S ALREADY BAD ENOUGH THAT THIS FAT MAWLEK IS ON TOP OF ME!” The Mawlek barked happily, slobbering stupid orange goop onto Tiso as it let out several cheerful woofs. 

“I AM AN ASPID PERSON, NOT A MAWLEK PERSON!” Tiso screeched as the Mawlek continued to drool and slobber all over him, his crushed stupid shield, and the Pale Lurker’s smashed painting. 

“KO!” replied SOUP, glad they had something to do, “KOKO!!” They then threw 4 yams at Tiso. 

“STOP!”

Across the room, Lace was still butting heads with Hornet… literally. They were both ramming into each other like two male bulls fighting over the last moldy bit of cheesecake. 

“Cringe,” Godseeker declared from 3 floors above before hopping away because she had no feet. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> art class and recess

“STOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOPOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP,” Tiso bellowed as the Mawlek continued to throw up infection everywhere. 

“MOLLY? WHERE DID YOU GO? MOOOOOOLLLLLYYYYYYYYY!!!!” the Radiance yelled from up above, flipping over a table as she tried to find her pet Mawlek. Tiso groaned as the stupid fat Mawlek kept crushing him so he looked like a squished cutout of a smushed orange. 

“OI! PRINCIPAL! YOUR STUPID PET IS CRUSHING ME!!” screeched Tiso, noticing that the Radiance was nearby. The Radiance stared at the Mawlek, the crushed Tiso, and instantly was by the Mawlek’s side.

“It’s okay, Molly,” cooed the Radiance, “Let’s go back and feed you some weird bug corpses. Just ignore that smelly student. He’s stupid anyways, so I don’t care about him. Sheo, maybe you should send him to the school nurse, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve always thought we could just... Kill the students so they respawn. Replace the nurse with a vet for Molly. Tell Grimm that he needs to stop breaking the instruments so we can pay for a vet.” She then picked up the fat Mawlek and floated away, leaving the smushed bug Tiso on the floor, under a pile of weird Mawlek slobber infection. 

“Pardon, but did somebody say ‘kill the students?’” the Nightmare King asked as he popped his head into the classroom for the second time, this time somewhat more civilly. 

“Nope, just your imagination,” Grimm said as he grabbed the Nightmare King by the horns and dragged him away from the classroom, muttering to the Nightmare King that he really needs to stop massacring everyone and practicing genocide methods on the students. 

“I could’ve sworn I heard it… with my exceptional hearing that you share as well…” the Nightmare King retorted as Grimm dragged him away. 

“Um, no, but the Radiance did say that she was going to cut my pay….”

Grimm and the Nightmare King’s voices faded away as they flopped down the hallway and back to the Music Room. 

“ I I I I I I I I I i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i I I I I I I I I I I I I I I i i i i i i i i i i i i i i ,” muttered Dave, who was very bored now that nobody was killing everyone or throwing yams and frogs at the teachers. Cloth cringed with slight disgust as she peeled Tiso off the floor along with the Pale Lurker’s painting of God Tamer. The Pale Lurker continued to throw sponges and bits of cheese at Tiso, clearly still angry that her stupid painting was smushed. 

“Zote,” said Zote.

“Not do know say to what,” said Koi.

“Make say Zote “Zteo”,” replied Moi.

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“Zote,” said Zote.

“Zteo,” said Zote. 

Cloth then walked over to the bench, still holding a smushed Tiso as she slapped him onto the bench like he was a weird flabby piece of meat. Weird particle thingies flashed, signifying that Tiso now had a place to respawn. 

“Alright, who’s gonna kill him?” Cloth asked as she poked Tiso the blob, who was still smushed and angry because the Pale Lurker was still chucking bits of sponge and cheese at him. 

“Zote,” said Zote.

“Zote,” said Zote.

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP THAAAAAAAAAAAT!!” screeched Hornet as she drew Lace’s chubby face upside-down, extremely badly. 

“Sssssssso Zote issss going to kill him?” Zemmoth asked as she tried and failed to draw Deduline. 

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“NO!” screeched SOAP as they waddled over and smacked Tiso in the face with their stupid blunt nail, somehow killing him in one hit. Tiso respawned on the bench, looking as grumpy as ever as he snatched his shield from Dave’s melted forehead.

“Thanks,” he muttered as he passed Cloth before he picked up a sponge and tossed it at the Pale Lurker. In retaliation, the Pale Lurker picked up God Tamer and threw her at Tiso’s face. Quirrel leaned over (still in pretzel position) to help, but then flinched and ran back when he saw a bar of soap on the floor. SOAP was curious as to why Quirrel ran away, approached, saw the piece of soap, and flew into another fit of rage.

“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII AAAAAAAMMMMMMMMAMAMAAMMMMMMM NOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” screeched SOAP, “NOOOOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOTTTTT NOOOOOOOOTTTT SOUUUUUUUP NOTTTTTTT SOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT SOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP NOT SOAAAAAAAAAAAAAP NOOOOT NOT NOOOOOOOTTTTTTTT!!!!!” They picked up the bar of soap and threw it out the window.

“HEY! First Grimm, and now Sheo?! STOP THROWING STUFF AT ME!” screeched the Nightmare King, sticking his fat face through the window. 

“How did you get outside so fast? The walk from the hallway to the PE field is at least 6 minutes, and it’s only been 3 minutes!” Quirrel the Pretzel exclaimed as he ferociously began to write notes again. “I’ve got to write this all down!”

“Dad 2 teleports everywhere because if he doesn’t, his students will find ways to escape. Remember when Dad 1 had a mental breakdown so when Dad 2 went to calm him down, instead of being nice compatible students that made the day easier for Dad 1 and Dad 2, we decided to run away? Yeah, that’s why,” Grimmchild explained as he ripped out a screaming SOAP’s tooth. 

“WHO THREW THE SOAP AT ME?!” the Nightmare King roared. Everyone pointed to SOUP, who was rolling around on the floor, still screaming and having seizures. The Nightmare King formed a blade around his arm, sliced SOAP in half, then snapped and teleported away. Children gasped as they crowded around SOAP, who was neatly slashed in half.

“Ooooh, that’s nasty,” the Pale Lurker noted, nodding as some of the new students looked at SOAP’s body in horror. 

“Well, we certainly are lucky that this wasn’t someone who had actual organs!” Myla said cheerfully as she ran over and clocked SOAP in the head, successfully killing them. A few seconds later, SOAP respawned on the bench, still angry and stupid as usual. 

“I AM NOT SOAP!” they shrieked, “STILLLLLL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTT SOOOO-”

“WE GET IT!” shrieked Lace, “You’re Not SOAP! We know that already, Not SOAP!”

“Alright class, let’s stop playing games and get to work, shall we?” said Sheo, picking up a painbrush, “Let’s show everyone our portraits!” 

Dave and a few others proudly held up their portraits while the Pale Lurker continued to throw bits of sponge, mold, and cheese at Tiso, who was holding up an okayish sketch of Cloth. Quirrel hesitantly turned his portrait around, which turned out to be a very toddler-like drawing of SOAP. Grimmchild slid his portrait onto his desk to dry. 

“It’s all just… a bunch of shapes,” Ivy said as she examined Grimmchild’s portrait. “Wait, no…. I can kinda see myself? But only kinda. This looks a bit like a stained glass window or something that I would see when I go to the Moss Prophet’s weird Church thing that worships the Radiance.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much what I was going for,” Grimmchild replied as he looked down at his painting. “You see, I can draw shapes, but I can’t really draw anything else. Hence, I used shapes to create a weird portrait!”

“Interesting!” Sheo exclaimed as he observed Grimmchild’s painting. “What happened to the other drawing that you had before? You know, the sort of stick-figure looking drawing of Ivy?”

“I used that as the base for Ivy before drawing in the shape thingies,” Grimmchild voiced proudly, happy that he was getting so much attention. 

“Kinda ironic how he would be good at Geometry, considering how he acts in Lurien’s Math class,” Deduline noted as he held up his cartoonish drawing of Zemmoth. 

“Did somebody bring up my child’s grades?” Grimm asked as his head poked through a weird portal thing that he used to teleport around. 

“No!” Blossom screeched as she threw bits of mold and cheese and sponges at Tiso, who was yelling at everyone to stop throwing things at him. 

“You heard the vessel,” the Nightmare King said as he pulled Grimm away from the portal. Grimm sighed before the Nightmare King snapped and closed the portal. 

“...Since when did the Nightmare King listen to vessels?” Quirrel asked as Koi shoved a paintbrush into her eyehole and consumed it with a loud crunch.

“Since when I are didn’t the Radiance room, instead cloged the Fork Man’s toitlet!” Blossom announced happily as she flung even more bits of mold and cheese at Tiso, who was having a hard time blocking all of the sponges and cheese and mold with his measly shield. “Butt was only me, because I ame AOWESOME and all hte othre idoit syblings are not.”

“I am not awesome, i ame SUPPPPERRRRR!” SOAP shrieked as they picked up a chair and tossed it at Blossom. “I beated Failed Tampon! NOOOOTTEEEEE any of you, ME! _I_ BEAT THEM!”

“You are the only vessel out of our thousands of siblings who does not have a mind to think, nor an interesting personality,” Hornet stated as she bonked SOUP on the head 60 times with her stupid needle. “You are also the most disgusting out of all the vessels because you keep calling Failed Champion ‘Failed Tampon.’ It wasn’t even the first try, you were barely on one mask when you finally did beat them after like 6 tries!”

“SHOOT YUO’RE UP!” Dave yelled as he smacked Honret with a pencil. “ _I’M_ THE AWESOME SIBLING HEAR, I DRAW THE BEST!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO,” wailed Koi as she fell through the floor. “IIIIIIIII YAM DCOOL, I CREATED THIS FIC!” Before Koi could continue wailing again, Moi came over and slapped her.

“Yheah butt im the one who started the is are Grimm screechign at studoonts while they tooss their metronomes at the head,” Moi lectured as she picked up as rock and tossed it at SOAP. “I am the superintendent.”

“wjhat is an dentisunper,” Jake asked inquisitively. “That’s not know?” Quirrel frantically wrote down everything that the vessels were saying so he could go over them later. 

“Wait, but why was the Nightmare King happy that you clogged Demented Fork Man’s toilet?” Finette asked as she frantically tried to draw Yvette using her antennae to hold the paintbrush. “Last I checked, that’s what caused him to throw several shouting fits last night….”

“Hate!” Grimmchild shouted joyously as everyone turned around to look at him in confusion. “Dad 2 says that the Pale King was stupid for trying to enslave and take over the Nightmare Realm like 687 years ago before he even met Dad 1.” Quirrel slapped his paper in excitement before writing down several more notes on the ‘Grimm, Nightmare King, and Grimmchild’ page. 

“...Just how old is your father?” Sheo exclaimed as Hammer threw up everywhere. 

“Well, if you’re talking about my Dads, they both would be about 27 years old physically but 700 years old mentally,” Grimmchild boasted. “I myself am actually quite old as well! I’m physically like 10 years old, but I’m actually like 100 years old!”

“My fdad is like 30 physicallishly but thne he mentally is lioke 900,” Blossom stated. “BUUUUUUT, I am not older as Grimmchild, I’m mentaklay 9 and phusicluy 9 !”

“Well, it’s quite obvious that you are 9 years old,” muttered Lace as Hornet slapped her in the eyes 6000 times with her stupid bendy needle. 

“Everyone here having weirdo Dads who are gods and like 10000 years old, my old man is only like 200 mentally and 39 physically,” Cedrin said as the vessels chased each other around waving mold and sponges around in Tiso’s face. “My dad says he’s a god, but I’m not really sure about that.”

“You think that’s a small number? My parents are only like 30ish, both physically and mentally!” exclaimed Zara. “And they’re not even my biological parents because girls can’t give eachother eggs! Heck, boys can’t give eachother eggs! Hey Grimmchild, how are you even alive?” Zara stomped over to poke Grimmchild several times in the mask. 

“Hey, don’t ask me! I tried asking both my Dads, but Dad 2 said that since he is a God/Higher Being/whatever, he can do what he pleases, even if that means totally upturning the rules of reproduction. Dad 1 then told me a super long weird story about how when two bugs like each other very much or something something, but he never explained to me how I’m actually able to be thrown up. He did tell me that it’s really disgusting and I never want to know though, so I’m sticking to that story.” Grimmchild shrugged before turning around to rip out Deduline’s cracked, smelly, yellow teeth. “But then again, I don’t mind gross stuff, so I usually probe him every day to tell me. I know at some point he will, but he says that I really don’t want to know.”

“Yeah, but when he does tell you, can you please tell me?” Quirrel asked as he continued to frantically write down notes. “I’m trying to document everybody in this school because of how many interesting things have happened these past few days! Also, I’m sure Monomon would appreciate some more Encyclopedias, because she really loves Science and doesn’t know too much about the other bugs, and I think she deserves something to cheer her up.”

“Oh, sure, but only you and Monomon, alright?” Grimmchild said as he rolled some teeth around in his buff palms. “Dad 1 for sure is going to flip out if the whole school knows, and Dad 2 is going to set the whole place on fire. So, you know, keep it private.” Grimmchild then sat behind his desk to fish out more teeth to add to his collection. 

“Yall are getting parents?” Terzu asked as she finished coloring the last bits of her Cedrin portrait. 

“Hey, how do you tell if your parents are a Higher Being or not?” Cedrin asked as he tripped over a can of paint that was lying on the floor. Suddenly, Godseeker smashed in through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man before hopping over to Cedrin.

“So I hath heard thou were wondering whether someone thee knoweth is a god or not?” Godseeker yelled as she hopped around, shaking the floors of the classroom with every thump of her weird stubby foot. “Nay matter, nay matter! Simply joineth our Godseeking program, and thee shalt knoweth fairly in truth!”

“What,” Cedrin said in confusion as Godseeker finally stopped hopping around like a cockroach on drugs. Godseeker sighed before clearing her throat and staring at Cedrin.

“If you want to find out who’s a God and who isn’t, join my program,” she stated simply before hopping away out of the hole in the wall. Cedrin pondered over her words for a moment before shaking his head in confusion.

“That’s even harder to understand,” he muttered as he heaved himself back up to set the paint can back upright. 

“It’s in her name,” Severin said, surprised with Cedrin’s confusion. “Godseeker. She seeks for Gods.”

“Oh.” Cedrin laughed as half of the class rolled their eyes. 

“Alright, children, though this has certainly been an interesting discussion, I’m sure that you’ve had more than enough time to finish your portraits. Now, please place them on my desk. Make sure to write your name and your partner’s name on your portrait so that nobody gets confused!” Sheo walked around the room, collecting brushes and paint as the children lined up in a surprisingly neat line to turn in their smelly portraits. 

“The only problem with Godseeker is that she thinks _everyone_ is a stupid freaking god,” stated Cloth, “She thinks Hornet is one, and the weird Moss Charger is one, and the Maggot-” 

“FAILED TAMPON!!!!!!” screeched SOUP, “BEEET EII I I I I I I I!”

“Anyways, she even thinks that ‘Molly’ is a god, but I think that’s just the Radiance’s doing,” continued Cloth, walking over to Sheo’s desk with her brightly colored painting. She placed the paper on the desk quickly, but also ran back to her desk as quickly as if a slug was chasing her. 

SOAP patted their chest, smacking their Lumafly Lantern and making it shatter. The Lumafly fluttered around for a bit, then flapped out the window.

“AIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIIIA BBBBEBEEEEEAATATATATATATATTTTTtTTT FAILLLLED TAAAAAMPOOOOOOONNNNNN!” screeched SOP, “YYYHYOOOOOOUUUUUUU DDDIDDDDD NOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTT BEEEAT THHE FAILEED TATAMPOOONONONONONON!!!”

“sTOP FORCE FEEDING ME FIRE!” shrieked Grimmchild as SOAP stuffed Nightmare Phlegm into his stupid mouth, “STOP THAT! NOW!” He flapped around, prying SOAP’s mouth open and yanking 28 of their yellow, crusty teeth out. 

“BUT YOU’RE ARE FARTHER SAID FOR ME TO-”

“HE NEVER SAID TO OVERFEED ME YOU CRAZY STUPID SMELLY SOAP BAR!”

“I AM NOOOT-”

“SHUT _UP_ NOT-SOAP!!!!” screeched Lace as she grabbed her pin and smacked NOT-SOAP in the head 598347589 times. “YOU ARE SO ANNOYING THAT YOU’RE MAKING ME AGREE WITH HORNET, WHO IS NOT NEARLY AS INSUFFERABLE AS YOU ARE!”

Hornet decided that a good way to make SOP shut up about ‘FAILIILED TTAMPOONONONONON’ was to throw something at them. Unfortunately, the only thing nearby was a fat bar of soap, laying innocently on the floor like a crushed octopus on an ice cream cone. She picked up the bar of soap, threw it at SOAP, and dashed out of the room as quickly as a dead fish. 

“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII AAAAAMAMAMAMAMMAMAAMMAMAM NOTOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTT NOTNO TOTNOTNOTNOTNTONTONTONT NOTOTOOOTOTOTO SOSOSOSSSSSSAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!” shrieked SOAP, louder than the stupid screechy Nightmare King, who was yelling something about the children having to do Brumm’s White Palace 15 times with Primal Aspids outside. 

Lace glanced at Hornet, who was out of the classroom, and decided to follow-- maybe she could kill Hornet. Covering her nonexistent ears, Lace mothwing cloaked out of the classroom in a stupid white blur. Sharpe and Trobbio decided to follow as well-partially to watch over Lace, but mostly because SOAP was still screaming, “IIIIII AMMMMMMMMMM NOOOOOTTTT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTT NOOOOOTTTTT NOT NOT NOT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPAPPPAPAPAPAA!” 

“But why must you shout, Not Not Not Not Not Not Not Not Not Not Not Not Not Not SOPA SOAP? We get that you are Not Not Not Not Not Not Not Not Not Not Not Not Not Not SOPA SOAP!” remarked Erith, who was tired of all the stupid people around him.

  
  


Meanwhile, Moi and Koi were standing next to Quirrel.  
  


“MOAR!!!” screeched Moi as Koi threw up bars of soap at the speed of Sisters of Battle, “MOARRR!!!! MUST NEED CLEN UP THE ROM!!!” Mistakenly thinking that Koi was choking on air again, Sheo asked, 

“Are you okay? You should go to the nurse’s office-”  
  


“MOOOOOOoOAOAAARRRRR!!!” screamed Moi, bubbles and water and Void falling out of her eyes, “MOOOOOAOOAOAOAOAOAOOAARRRERREREREREREEE!?????” She then picked up 83 sponges and soaked them. Koi, who had stopped throwing up bars of soap, began throwing the sponges around the room. Several of the sponges hit Tiso, making him even more angry because he was tired of being pelted by sponges, cheese, mold, and bits of soap. The room, although now very clean, was very wet. The floor was covered in weird stupid puddles, while the walls dripped with lifeblood coccoons. Some students began hitting each other and running for the Lifeblood, because they had decided they needed extra health if they were going to stay in this room and listen to SOAP screaming. 

“NOOOOOOO NEEVEVVEVEVEVEVVRRRRERR EVEERERRR BEEEEE SOSOSOSOSSAPAAAPPP SOP SOPA SOUUUUP NOT NOT NOT NOT NOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTT SOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAPPPPPP AAIAIAIAIIAIAIAI AAMAMAMAMAMA ANOOOOTTTTTT SOOAPPP NEVER SOOOOOAP NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT-” 

“Er, friend,” Quirrel asked as he tapped on NOT-SOAP’s stinky voidy shoulder, “Could you maybe tone it down a bit, everyone here including me is quite spooked.” SOAP was going to agree, but then saw a tiny scrap of soap bar on Quirrel’s shoulder from when Koi was throwing up soap bars. SOAP was about to open their mouth and bellow a whole spew of words about why they weren’t SOAP, but then they remembered that it was Hornet who had thrown the soap at Quirrel, therefore it wasn’t his fault. SOAP ran screeching out of the classroom as the bell rang, clearly out for blood. Hornet’s blood, more or less. Quirrel scribbled down some notes before cleaning up his supplies and saying his farewells to Sheo and the Nailsmith. The rest of the children followed Quirrel and SOAP out of the class, screeching about how benches were awesome and SOAP was not.

“ADI _NOOOOOOOOO_!” shrieked Honret, dashing away because her life literally depended on it, as SOAP Crystal Dashed after her, shooting weird glowing womb things at her. Lace turned around and spotted SOAP, who was so angry that the baby fartsmell womb thingies were blowing up random passersby. Lace huffed in indignation. 

“NOOOOOO! ONLY I AM ABLE TO KILL THE STUPID SPIDER! BEGONE, NOT-SOAP!!!!” she screamed as she tossed dead plants and slugs at NOT-SOAP.

“I AM NOT NOT-SOAP!!!”

“Knot Notted-SOAP?” Erith asked Terzu, who was equally confused.

“HEY, YOU SMELLY SHAMPOO BOTTLE!” yelled Lace angrily, “YEAH, YOU! HEY! NOT-SOAP! STOP THROWING YOUR STUPID BABY FARTSMELL YOUS AT ME!” SOAP, angry at being called a shampoo bottle, although they had no idea what that was, turned around and threw up 57 Weaverlings and threw them at Lace. 

“I AAMAMMAMAMAMAMAAMAMMAMAMAMAMMM NOT SHAMPOO! NOT DO KNOW EVEN WHAT SHAMPOO IS A BOTTLE!!” 

“A shampoo bottle is a bottle of shampoo. Shampoo is a type of soap,” said Quirrel helpfully, as SOAP suddenly realized what that meant, and went after Lace faster than a soggy piece of chicken nugget throwing a tantrum at the zoo. 

“PANTS!” hollered Moi, not really sure why everyone was suddenly shouting, but wanting to join in, “GRIMM SOGGY IS CORNER IN A TUBA DEAD!” 

“Bench!” Dave yelled happily as he flopped over to see if Joth was at the bench. Cedrin ran after him, because although Joth could be lying about being a god, Cedrin still finds his dad super fun and friendly. Another reason why he wanted to find Joth was because SOAP was going wacko.

“STOP BREAKING MY ROOF!!” screeched Woji from about 7 miles away, before Snej was thrown and landed right on top of SOAP’s stupid tiny head. 

“Ouch,” said Snej, dusting himself off and getting up, revealing SOAP looking like a crushed piece of soap in the subways while being eaten by baked ostriches.

“There you are, SOAP, you stinky stingray on steroids!” Monomon said as she walked over to SOAP, holding up their annotated articles from the day before. “You need to finish these articles, they’ve been done so badly that even a two-year-old could’ve done better!” With her last remark, she slapped the articles onto SOAP’s face and walked back to her classroom. 

“Ghost! Those aren’t even highlighted!” said Quirrel, extremely surprised, “Why is nothing highlighted?”

SOAP, happy that someone finally wasn’t calling them SOAP, answered, “Nothing is important. Nothing matters!!” Which was true, but that wasn’t the assignment. 

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SPEEEEEAKKKKK NORMALTYYYYY!!! PSSSSSPEAAAKKK BABBBBADDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!” shrieked Dave from across the yard, very offended that SOUP had just spoken like a competent person. 

“Shut you’re UP!” SOAP screeched back. “I am a free person, I can do what I want!”

“Why do I hear the American National Anthem playing in the background?” Terzu asked as she sat down on a bench only to be squished by a fat rock.

“THIS IS NOT AMERICA!!” screamed Grimmchild, joining in the screaming match, “‘ _OUR_ CHILD,’ says Dad 1, ‘ME TOO,’ says Dad 2, ‘I am my own person,’ I say, ‘NO WAY,’ you, Dad 1, and Dad 2 say, THIS IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT AMERICA! WHAT EVEN IS AMERICA?!”

“C O M M U N I S M ?” asked Hornet, now safe from the terrible SOAP, “U S S R ? AdiNO WAIT DON’T ACTUALLY PLAY IT-” 

In the background, Dung Defender stopped playing the American National Anthem on his trumpet and started playing the USSR Anthem. 

“GET BACK TO YOUR STUPID CLASS!!” screeched the Nightmare King, teleporting in from the other side of the school, “IT ISN’T RECESS!” 

“Ooh, hi, Dad 2! Join the Screaming Match!” offered Grimmothy happily, “We can yell about nothing! This is right up your alley!” 

“Actually, we have ten minutes until we have to go to PE,” Quirrel stated as he looked at his calendar. 

“CAVE-IN!!!” shrieked Moi, as the roof broke and Snej fell down on top of SOAP again, “IN IN IN IN IN CAVE IN IN!”

“YYEYSSEESSSSSEESESESSESESEESEES!” replied Koi, enthusiastically throwing up Bright Pink Frogs and eating them. 

“IF YOU REPLACE ‘I’ WITH ‘WE’ THEN ILLNESS BECOMES WELLNESS!” yelled Tiso. “NOT _YOUR_ CHILD, _OUR_ CHILD!!!”

“THAT’S _MY_ LINE!!” screeched Grimm, unexpectedly happy, and showing up with the USSR flag, and ripping it to shreds, “Our child, but it’s _mine_! Our child, but NOT yours!”

“Can’t I be my own child?” asked Grimmchild, “I’m a person, you know!” He flapped over to Tiso and ripped out his teeth before the Radiance’s pet Molly landed on top of them, smushing Tiso and Grimmchild. 

“No, but it’s true, ignoring all Communist aspects,” Grimm replied as the Nightmare King grumpily tried to drag him away. “I am your father, and the Nightmare King is your other father, therefore you are _our_ child. But yeah, you are your own person, so just do what you want I guess, but STOP RIPPING OUT TEETH!”

“Yes!” protested Grimmchild, “I declare that this is America, the land of stereotypical fat guys with guns! And I will keep ripping out people’s teeth, thank you!” 

“17 bars of SOAP on the wall, 17 bars of SOAP, take one down, throw it around, now there’s 16 bars of SOAP on the wall!” Tiso sang as he was sat on by Molly the fat Mawlek. 

“I thought this was Australia,” Cloth muttered as she observed Grimmchild shoot everyone with an AK-47. “Maybe I’m wrong.” 

“What even is that?” Quirrel asked. “I thought this was Hallownest!”

“I III I I IAMAMAMMAMMMM NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTT A BAR RRR BAR OFFFF SOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPP!!!! NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT BARRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

God Tamer suddenly had a funny thought. She walked over to the squashed Tiso and the Pale Lurker, who was still tossing bits of mold and sponges at Tiso. Giggling, she leaned down to whisper to both of them,

“Hee hee…. SOAP Opera,” She cackled along with Tiso and the Pale Lurker. 

“windowsill?” asked Moi, trying to see what would happen if she called SOAP ‘windowsill.’ Instead of an angry outburst, the window cracked and somebody fell out of the window, landing on SOAP and crushing them again for the third time. 

“OFFF!” came the mad shrieking from up above.

“Oops,” Snej said as he landed on SOAP. Joth screamed something about rocks before he pelted Snej with a bunch of small, dusty grey pebbles. Several ‘ouches’ and 'ows' were heard from Snej before he scuttled away to sit on the roof again even though SOAP might be crushed for the fourth time. 

“What class is next?” asked Cloth as Trobbio tried to steal Quirrel’s school calendar, “Can I see your calendar?”

“Sure,” said Quirrel, “Just.. Don’t let Trobbio or Rainle steal it, please. They’ve both been trying to all day.”  
  


“But I _neeeeed_ it! I just want to see it for a little bit!” protested Trobbio, trying to grab the calendar, and failing. 

“NEXT CLASS IS PEE, I RENEMBERED!” Dave exclaimed as Joth passed him a bunch of cool shiny rocks to throw at people. 

“Oh NO!” said Jake, “heard I did earlier did said the Nightmare Brumm’s King White Palace 15 Primal times Aspids with!” 

“OhhhhhhhH!!!!” said Blossom excitedly, “CLOG TOILET CAN I!!!” Dave grinned, and ran to grab Joth before going to the PEE field. Koi and Moi ran off to find the rope and some charms. SOAP screamed as they melted into a puddle on the bench and equipped a bunch of Grubsong and Hiveblood. Joth threw a bench to Cedrin who caught it before smacking the Mawlek in the face so that Tiso could finally get to PE.

“Wait, can I join the bench squad too with Dave?” asked Cedrin, hopping on the bench next to Dave. 

Meanwhile, Myla and Grimmchild were plotting something as Ivy flapped around them, trying to figure out the anatomy of a sawblade. 

“Of course you can, you’re my son,” Joth said as he ran off screaming to the PE fields.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PE class.

As the students approached the PE field, the Nightmare King strode up to them and said, “Get to a bench, now. Equip your best charms, and go to Woji. Joth put a bench near the White Palace, we are going to do Brumm’s White Palace, 25 times, with the Primal Aspid army. Woji will give you a Jiji totem, which will work as Jiji. Also, buy the EggSoul charm. The Stag will take you there, don’t be late, or else it will turn into 35 rounds, with double the Primal Aspids.” He snapped and everyone was transported to Woji’s shop, with a door to the stag station nearby. 

“Wow, that was pretty detailed compared to other things, I guess the last class died a lot,” remarked Rainle, “But, it can’t be too difficult for  _ me _ !” 

“That’s the spirit,” said the Nightmare King sarcastically, “Be like that when you die, too.” 

“I’ve got it!” declared Grimmchild, happily flexing with Myla, “I figured it out!” As some other students nodded, figuring out methods to get through, Dave cackled happily like a booger in distress.

“I have a brain,” SOAP said happily as they too figured out some pathways through Brumm’s White Palace.

“No.” Hornet grumpily began smacking SOAP in the head with her needle again. “You have no mind to think.”

“OFF MY ROOFFFFF!” screeched Woji as she extended her arms and grabbed Snej’s fat centipede neck. She then used her huge muscles to throw Snej off of the roof. 

“OW!” yelled Snej as he was tossed off the roof with the brute force of a singing marker. “WHY ARE YOU SO GRUMPY ABOUT ME BEING ON YOUR ROOF? IT’S NOT EVEN CAUSING ANY HARM!!!”

“Get to the Stag Station! Guys, he’s leaving!” shrieked Grimmchild. The students began to panic as they all piled onto the Stag, who was grunting and snorting about how smelly the children are because they didn’t have any showers. Zemmoth quickly grabbed a Jiji totem and an Eggsoul charm before skittering onto the Stag’s back next to Scuttle, who was cackling about how tasty buzzsaws were and how awesome Deepnest would be after this. 

The Stag grumbled as all the children piled onto his back before he galloped away to the White Palace, where the Pale King had allowed Brumm to test his architectural skills so that Brumm might have a chance of getting into a good Architecture College. Long story short, the Pale Thing was very happy and Grimm was relieved that Brumm was able to get into a college that he liked. 

“Wait, so is Brumm going to go to college now and no more Accordion teacher?” Jake asked Blossom as the rest of the children kept pelting each other with rancid eggs and stinky rocks. 

“Yeah he is, but he needs money to go to college, which is why he’s still at the school. He also kinda likes being a Music teacher on the side, which is why he’s still working with Dad 1.” Grimmchild flexed his arms as he sifted through his collections of teeth and charms, muttering about how he didn’t want to lose his teeth. Suddenly, a weird silverfish floppy depressed lady appeared out of nowhere on the Stag’s back along with a pretty mantis lady. The Stag, along with several students screeched out in surprise as the grey lump flopped over to the children, holding out a weird flower thingy. 

“Le’mer!” the weird floppy grey thing exclaimed. “Flowers!”

“What,” said Terzu as the grey thing continued to flop around.

“If Le’mers could do one small thing for ‘che, a test of wealth, power, and will!” the grey thingy cried, her voice somber as she held up the flowers. “For ‘che doesth have flow’rs to spare, Le’mer must be careful! Travel through ‘tis Palace, cautionary as Le’mers hold this dear flower.” The grey thing then passed a flower to each of the students, crying again about something something ‘che. 

“If you can get through the PE class with this delicate flower, then you will be greatly rewarded! Thousands of Geo, and maybe some mask shards or pale ore,” translated the Traitor Lord’s Daughter. “My mate and I have decided that this will be a nice test of skill and determination along with some nice prizes and opportunities for the students. So far, nobody has been able to succeed, but Ze’mer and I have faith in all of you. Be brave, strong warriors!”

“A test!’ exclaimed Rainle. “I didn’t study! Was this something required in PE? Did I miss something?” He looked around frantically as Respo tried to calm him down and Cedrin sniffed the flower suspiciously.

“AAAhhhh, no, Le’mer, ‘tis King of Nightmares was not the creation of this test, but our own! For che’ and thou’s love devised up a solution for that of thy apathy.” The grey lump who was supposedly named Ze’mer then sighed as she held out her flower. “None, none! All petals, wilted of root and stem, withered away to rot! Che’ does have faith in dear Le’mers, but ‘tis belief has been…. Reconsidered. 

“Ze’mer and I have come up with this so-called test. It doesn’t hurt your grades nor does it affect how the Nightmare King sees you, but if you do happen to succeed, you become a rich person with bragging rights.” The Traitor Lord’s daughter picked up a flower and cut herself to demonstrate that if anyone took any damage, the flower would go poof. 

“E,” said Dave with a very very wide grin on his face as he was sitting on a bench. SOAP walked up and hit him before grumpily waddling away. Dave and his flower wilted like a dead pile of snot. Ze’mer leaned over Dave before letting out a loud wail. 

“Ham,” announced Koi, “Ham I am..”

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIII!!!” Ze’mer howled like a banshee eating a woodchip backward. “WASTED AWAY, WASTED AWAY! CHE FLOWER, DARLING! ANOTHER, DECIMATED TO NOTHING BUT PERISHING LEAVES AND STEM!!!!” The Traitor Lord’s Daughter awkwardly patted Ze’mer’s back, trying to comfort her. 

“It feels kind of like watching Grimm and the Nightmare King but now all of a sudden they’re a lesbian couple,” Erith whispered to Grimmchild who was looking at the sobging grey lump that Thalia (the Traitor Lord’s Daughter) was trying to comfort. 

“Naaahhhh, Dad 1 isn’t this dramatic, and Dad 2 would be setting fire to whoever made him sob or whatever. But yes, I can kinda see the resemblance,” Grimmchild voiced as Thalia teleported away with some final farewells while Ze’mer continued to wail and screech. 

“Boo hoo’s” echoed off the stupid walls, while the Nightmare King started setting the Radiance on fire somewhere in the school. Somehow, the students could hear the flames and yells, even though they were leaving on the stag for the White Palace Course. Suddenly, they turned around and saw SOAP on fire with bits of broken tuba stuck to them. 

“WHAT DID  _ I _ DOO!!!????” yelled SOAP as their flower exploded into a pile of cow manure. 

“YOU BROKE THE TUBAS-Grimm calm down it’s just 86 broken tubas yesterday it was 539 tubas- AND NOW GRIMM IS CRYING!” shrieked the Nightmare King, teleporting over and slapping SOAP’s face. 

“Wow, are all Hallownasty couples like this?” Terzu asked as the Nightmare King bonked the Radiance over the head with a tuba. The Radiance shrieked and yelled something about cutting pay so that her Mawlek could eat more fried toad legs and become so fat that wherever it stepped there would be a huge crater. 

“Noh!” declared Dave as he held up a really good drawing of the Tree Lady and Herrah and a super bad drawing of the Pale King. 

“Well, my dad doesn’t act like this, and I don’t really have a Mom or another dad,” Cedrin said as the vessels played a game of Darts using the Pale Thing’s really bad drawing. 

“Why thank you!” Joth exclaimed happily as he clocked SOAP on the head with 89456784964 rocks and a bench. 

“My moms don’t act like this, they both just work as guards in the Fungal Wastes,” Zara said as Joth hit SOAP on the head with 32 benches. “I would say that they’re the best parents in the world because they are the best parents in the world. They’re super hard working and awesome.”

“Your parents can be the best Moms in the world, and mine can be the best Dads, alright?” Grimmchild offered as he held out his buff arm to Zara. Zara thought for a moment before smiling and shaking his buff hand.

“Deal!” 

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“SHUT YOU'RE UP!” screamed Honret as she smacked Zote in the face 50 times before turning around to slap Lace and SOAP. Zote’s flower turned into a soggy piece of green bean which was swiftly picked up and consumed by Grimmchild.

“ARE A fishy toes?” said Moi, “Sell are we will toes fish of s??”

“Sye?” answered Koi. 

“There are two yams,” Tiso said inquisitively as the Pale Lurker flung bits of sponge and cheese and mold at SOAP because she was so bored. God Tamer muttered something about her Beast defecating all over the floor or something before she tossed Tiso’s shield over the Stag’s back. Tiso yelled at God Tamer before the shield was flung back at his face from God Tamer’s Beast who did not appreciate having artifacts thrown at it. Tiso’s flower promptly turned into a pile of melted Mawlek spit. 

“WAAAAIIIIIIIII!” sobbed the Grey Floppy Lump Thing, for the second time, “CHE FLOWERS! LE’MER, THY HAVE BEEN REDUCED TO NOTHING! NOTHING I SAY, NOOOOTHIIIIN-” before Ze’mer could continue her bellows of anguish, Thalia picked her up and poofed away, back to the weird White Palace School for Snobs. 

“When are we getting there?” asked Quirrel, “Normally the Stag is very fast.”

The Stag grunted angrily and said, “It’s slower when there are about 36 fat, heavy, set on fire, dying students on you. Normally it’s just one or 2 stupid students.” 

“Ah, I see,” Quirrel said as he took notes. “Say, do you have any theories on how Grimm can have children?” The Stag muttered something to Quirrel about throat wombs or something before Dave yelled,

“HERE! HERE IS! WE AREEEE!” The Stag stopped abruptly as Hornet was flung overboard, face-first into some thorns because she didn’t have her seatbelt on. Her flower then turned into a turnip. Wear your seatbelt, kids. 

Lace cackled madly as Hornet flopped off of the side of the thorns, screeching something about how stupid this was before she whipped her needle around and bonked SOAP, who was climbing off the Stag’s back. 

“I’ll get through with a Delicate Flower and be rich!  _ You _ will be stupid and get hit at every turn!” cackled Lace in her stupid high pitched voice, “AND I WILL HAVE BRAGGING RIGHTS!” Right as she finished screaming about how Hornet was a failure and she was not, Hornet flopped around and slapped Lace with her needle. Lace’s flower then turned into a dead Vengefly. 

“Settings?” asked Moi, trying to decide whether she should stop making the students hit each other, “off fire friendly? Still or it keep?”

“SETTINGS FRIENDLY FIRE ON!” screeched Koi as Grimmchild slapped Deduline into a wall. Both of their flowers turned into weird piles of mushed things because Grimmchild fell onto a spiky lawn gnome.

“Why do these flowers keep morphing into weird objects as soon as you die?” Quirrel asked as he tripped over a buzzsaw and his flower exploded into a puff molted crab legs.

“Off! Off! Off!” chanted the other students, “Turn friendly fire off!”

“Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicanhaveanewflowerpleeeeeeeeeeee..” muttered Dave, “Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiineeeeed anewflowerdelicateflowerpleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa??” 

“NO!” shrieked Jake as he slapped Dave with his stinky nail, “NOOOOOO!!!! NO SECOND CHANCE-” Hornet threw her stupid needle at Jake, whose flower wilted like a french fry in the sink. Jake then began shouting, “SECOND CHANSE SECOND SEODNCD FOUR MEEEEE!!!!” 

“Jake, I don’t think anyone gets a second chance,” Quirrel said as Salubra’s weird floppy ghost thing flew around laughing like a grub stuck up the Collector's nose with a pickle jar orbiting around it happily. Jake let out a deflated wet balloon noise as Blossom and a bunch of other students ran screaming into the White Palace. 

“Waii…” mumbled Jake as he rolled into the Brumm’s White Palace dejectedly, “Wai must I..” 

“Stop imitating the Floppy Grey Che Lump and go into the palace! Or else you will have to deal with more Aspids and more Palace rounds!” snapped the Nightmare King, pushing the remaining students into the palace like a shoe pushing 47 fat cows made of olives. Jake groaned sadly as he fell into a stupid hole in the ground. 

“Cloth why here are, you?” asked Jake, “palece in are suppodeded be two!”

“Well, you should be in the palace too!” retorted Cloth, “I am burrowing a way into the stupid last room! It is taking a long time, so either help me or get out and do the stupid course normally!” Jake decided that it would be easier to help the cicada warrior dig safely, so he waddled/crawled over to Cloth and started trying to be a vessel bulldozer. Although it was very strange, it helped Cloth dig faster, so she had no complaints. 

On the surface, Lace was screeching as she ran face-first into a buzzsaw while Hornet cackled madly at her. Grimmchild, Ivy, Severin, and several others with the ability to fly floated safely above the buzzsaws, easily overcoming the obstacles as Joth made a weird path of benches. Zemmoth rolled into a weird spiky ball thingy as she rolled over the spikes and buzzsaws and other shit, Yvette, Finette, and Scuttle following her in her wake. Lace was getting increasingly agitated, as she couldn’t get past the first stinky buzzsaw. Fed up, she kicked the buzzsaw in anger only to lose another weird health thingy. Hornet, deciding that she wanted to make some progress began to try and weasel her way past the buzzsaw, only to die as well. This process repeated over 12 times before Hornet grabbed SOAP and smacked their face into the buzzsaw, stopping it from spinning for a bit. 

“GET GUD!” Hornet yelled to Lace before tossing her nail and going adios. Lace huffed angrily before swinging after Hornet. SOAP, Tiso, Godtamer, the Pale Lurker, and the others were close behind her. 

Meanwhile, following Joth, Koi was yanking her stupid Shade Cloak rope, causing Moi to turn up next to her and throw her again. Quirrel, who had decided that his boomer status was a good reason to sit on Koi’s face, was sitting on Koi’s face. Unfortunately, Koi kept leaking Void, staining Quirrel’s face with Void, Void, and even more Void. Shrieking, they yanked each other around. 

“CFANT YUO NOT GIT ON ME FAAAEECCC?!!!” Koi asked Quirrel angrily as she was smacked into the wall by some spikes. “JUAT EXTENDED YOUR ARE LEHGS OR SOMETNIG! HET OG MY HEAD I CANONOOOOT SEHE ANYTMIG!!!!!!!”

“yuo cannotnottt seh anytgime atanytways want mee do kick off to him?” suggested Moi, throwing Koi several more meters ahead. 

“JUST I WANT FAEC OF SO I CAN SEH!” Koi screeched back as Quirrel continued to write notes as if nothing was happening.

“Oh, sorry,” Quirrel said as he flopped off of Koi’s fat head and extended his leg all the way through the White Palace and to the other end, where he began to pull himself to. 

“Also, I think you mean ‘see,’ not ‘seh.’ See and seh would be two very different things.”

“SEH!!” screeched Moi, mimicking goggles, “SEE!” she then mimicked Grimm crying in a corner and dying and throwing up Grimmothies. Koi nodded vigorously, suggesting that ‘Bobbles’ were a kind of blue mushroom species native to the Pale Thing’s forehead. 

“Um.. other way around.” Quirrel continued to pull himself towards the throne room of the Pale Thing, his legs extending extremely far. 

Moi did the same thing, but upside-down. Koi, seeing Moi, turned upside down as well and said that ‘wrenies’ were a type of cow that lived in the Lake of Unn and ate Unn’s toenails. Moi threw Koi past Quirrel, landing Koi upside down on a random Wingsmould’s face. Koi shrieked and hit it with her fat pointy head, and it exploded. Tugging the Shade Rope, Moi appeared and threw Koi straight onto Quirrel’s face by accident. 

“Oblobleobleobleobleobleoblesssss arrrrr ee ay tipe off fish on lives clouds,” lectured Koi as she landed on Quirrel’s eyeball, “Ande AI am a TYPO of BIRDLES!!” Moi, being yanked over, nodded and clapped and threw eggs at a buzzsaw, creating a magical portrait of the Pale Thing with mushrooms on his forehead. 

“Um, may I ask what a ‘birdle’ is?” asked Quirrel. Koi mimed a dead horse eating a jar of candlewax and pocket lint. 

“TOWEL GUM!!” shrieked Moi, describing how the candlewax tasted, “DOORKNOB FECES CAKED OVER A MUSHROOM FETUS’ CAT!” 

“That is true,” said Hornet, “candlewax actually does taste like towel gum and doorknob feces. ANYWAYS, GET GUD!” She swung away on her needle, crashing into Dave and Cedrin, who shouted out in terror before pelting her face with rocks and benches. 

“Really? I always thought of it to taste more like lint stuck inside of moldy cream cheese,” Grimmchild replied as he punched a buzzsaw, successfully cracking it in half and making a safe passageway for other smelly flying people. 

Soon, everyone was in the throne room, apart from Blossom, Quirrel, Cloth, Jake, Lace, Hornet, Dave, Cedrin, Deduline, and Scuttle. As the students bragged about how they got through with the flower for 5 minutes before dying, Scuttle burst into the room, panting. 

“That was easy!” exclaimed Rainle, who was holding up the flower in jubilation, “I even made it through without getting hit once!” 

“Too easy,” muttered Respo. 

“THAT’S RIGHT, TOO EASY!” declared the Nightmare King, “It’s because you aren’t in the throne room! You’ve only congregated in this part of the palace for who knows what reason, not because this is the Throne room. This is the guards’ room, you smelly students! There’s still a long way to go!”

“JAJDJDDJJDJDJDJJDDJJDDJDJDJJDJD!” screeched Moi, making an exploding octopus noise, and throwing Koi away, “HM HM HM HM HMM HM HM HM HM HM HM HMM<H <M < MM H M MHM M H M MHM M M M!!!” 

“BOBBLES ARE A TYPE OF BLUE FUNGUS NATIVE TO THE PALE THING’S FOREHEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD-” screeched Koi as she was thrown to the next area by Moi, who was screaming, “SEH IS EYES SEE IS GRIMM AND FLOWERS ARE DUNG DEFENDER AND LUMP THING LIKES POOP!” 

“What,” said Tiso as he slapped Molly, who started skittering across the sawblades, looking for a statue of the Pale Thing to destroy. 

God Tamer reached over and slapped Pale Lurker onto her Beast before screeching, “YEEEEEEE-HAWW!” as her Beast started flopping after Tiso. 

Hornet, who had figured out her evil plan to distract everyone and be first in the race (Hornet’s stupid logic was flawed, as the goal was to get around without taking damage. Hornet thought it was “who can get through the fastest”), was now ready. She summoned her stupid Bell Beast, screeching “SILKSONG RELEASE DATE AT THE BACK!!” and “YEEE SHAAAAAWWW!!!” As she dashed away. The other students on benches saw nothing and started crying about no release date and went on through the Palace. The rest who were stupid enough to believe her started screaming as they ran to the back, yelling about how the SilkSong release date was shoved up the bench’s nose. 

Quirrel, being smart, extended his neck backward using his pretzel powers to determine whether the release date was there or not. When he saw nothing, he kept walking forwards while cracking his neck back. Koi and Moi decided to do a stupid hitchhike and sit on his foot for a bit, before launching themselves away with throwing and yanking their incorrectly used Shade Rope. 

“Deossnfdsd Quirrel the girel have is are flowueer still???????” Moi asked as she chucked Koi’s head through the reconstructed White Palace like it was a weird grappling hook. 

“Noooooo, e was tripped over buzzsaw and turned into molted craps legs!” Koi yelled back as her head knocked against a weird thorn thingy. 

“SOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLUUUULLULULULULUL??” asked Moi, “YOU DO have do? Not I have anymore any. You do soul haveeeeeveveve??” Koi fished around in her cloak before pulling out a flower covered in smelly void and stinky armpit sweat.

“Is???? Do not I do,” Koi said as she sniffed the flower. “Not know if damaged. Looks not?”

“Yus yus!” Moi shrieked happily. “Not is! Will might have are rich if does!”

“OOOOHHH!!” Koi said excitedly before she was smacked against a spiky lawn gnome which then turned her flower into a melted pile of green, moldy, dead spiders. 

“awawawawaw..” gasped Moi, “flower be gone like a bobble in the wind.” 

“Yesss.e.s,.,e,s,w,e,s,e,e,a,s,se,se,se,seses se se se se ,” Koi agreed sadly as Rainle was smacked in the background, his own flower turning into a bunch of maskflies. Respo, who still had her flower, ran straight into a buzzsaw for who knows what reasons. Meanwhile, royal sewage flooded the floor.

“WHO CLOGGED MY TOILET AGAIN!?!?!??!!?” screeched the Pale Thing as the Nightmare King excitedly floated around, trying to find Blossom. He flew around the reconstructed White Palace, getting lost a few times but eventually finding the Throne room. 

“Did you clog his toilet again?” the Nightmare King asked Blossom who was somehow the first person to arrive. 

“SINK TWO!!” shouted Blossom proudly, showing off the fact that she had literally just clogged the entire royal bathroom, apart from Hollow’s room. 

“See, this is why you’re my favorite student,” the Nightmare King said as he patted Blossom’s head, “Now just wait here or something for the other smelly students to come, I doubt that they’ll take long.” He cackled before teleporting away to who knows where while Blossom sat on the ground, happy that she now had some allies. She then pulled out her flower, which she still somehow had before the ground collapsed beneath her. Blossom screeched as Jake’s head poked up from underneath her, somehow making her take damage as her flower disintegrated into a piece of soggy butter. Blossom slapped Jake’s face angrily before reaching down to help pull Cloth out of the ground. 

Joth then ran into the room and threw Dave and Cedrin’s bench onto the floor, right as Koi landed on the face of Cloth. Quirrel was right behind them and was about to reach the throne room when Hammer charged like a drunk rhinoceros into the room, knocking Quirrel backward. Proudly, they showed off their flower, which looked like a moldy piece of string. Their expression of pride soon turned to that of terror as God Tamer’s beast fell through the roof, crushing them and their can opener, which used to be a flower. Unfortunately for God Tamer, her flower was already crushed because of the previous 78 waves of 94 buzzsaws, not to mention the spikes and only spikes on the floor accompanying them. 

“Skunk as hare hair,” remarked Koi while Moi got herself tangled in the stupid Shade Rope. 

“Are you did seed the are bobbles on are in Thing Pale’s head four?” asked Moi, rolling around Koi and Blossom, “I herd are the bobbles are grows will natives to the forehead Pale of the Thing!” 

“Does anybody actually have their flower intact?” Lace asked as Sharpe catapulted himself into some thorns, immediately dying as his flower morphed into a can of spinach. Rainle walked up to Sharpe, took the can of spinach and began to wrench open the can using his can opener. 

“No,” Hornet replied as she smacked Pale Lurker, who yelled something about her flower already being destroyed because she fell off of God Tamer’s smelly beast halfway through the ride. 

“Hebhhufefhjefjef not flower,” Dave said sadly. “Beginningng, i was had, but now…. No more…” he then began to sog theatrically, imitating what looked like a mix between the weird ‘che lump crying and Grimm sitting in a corner sobbing. Cedrin poked Dave’s eye holes as he continued to sog infection. 

“Hello? Did Grimm or the che lump suddenly possess you?” Cedrin asked as he tapped Dave’s horns. 

“Waii, yes… (boo hoo)” cried Dave sadly.

“I am so confused,” Koi muttered, somewhat speaking normally even though that was a huge no-no. Quirrel shrugged before taking out his notes just in case it really was Grimm or the ‘che lump. Suddenly, there was a weird snapping noise and the Nightmare King poofed into the Throne room.

“Congrats, you’ve made it through the palace under fifty minutes,” the Nightmare King said grumpily as he picked up a sawblade and tossed it at Jake, who yelled in surprise before flopped away like a weird slug diaper. The Nightmare King counted each of the students’ fatheads that he saw, ignoring Mr. Mushroom who was there for some reason. Satisfied, he snapped and teleported everyone back to the School Grounds. 

“I will be back in just a moment, I need to comfort Gri- I mean get more torture equipment.” He then snapped and teleported away, most likely going to do both. Grimm’s sogging was heard in the background, the other class must have broken 37 more pianos. Grimmchild flew over to a random passerby who happened to see the Nightmare King go poof. He then ripped out the person’s teeth before flapping away to store them inside of his locker.

“Doessssssss anyone other than Grimmchild actually ussssssse their lockerssssssss?” Zemmoth asked as Grimmchild flew back, flexing his muscular arms as he picked up a piece of cement and tossed it at Jake. 

“No, that’s why I gave my locker to Grimmchild,” Rainle said as Jake screamed. 

“We have lockers?” asked Cedrin. 

“Apparently we do!” exclaimed Quirrel as he took out his calendar and went over it. “How could I have missed that? My locker is number… 293.” 

“Not like anybody uses them, though,” Hornet said as she bonked SOAP on the head 500289 times with her stinky needle. “I once opened my locker and a spider was living in it, so I just let her be. That was until she crawled out and started yelling about how  _ annoying _ I am or something, and now here we are.” Hornet stopped harassing SOAP to turn around and glare at Lace.

“WHAT?” screeched Lace as she tossed her pin at Hornet’s fat head. “I forgot my locker combo and I wanted to take a nap, so I used your locker! Why is that such a big deal?!”

“How the heck do you even know Hornet’s locker combo?” Tiso asked as the fat Mawlek fell on top of him for the umpteenth time. 

“True love,” said some person from the fandom.

“You’re weird,” said the Pale Lurker as she tossed sponges and mold at the random dude from the fandom. The person shrugged before disappearing in a puff of smoke. 

“Ooh, what’s  _ my _ locker number? Does it tell you? Because I have no idea what mine is or where the lockers are!” said God Tamer. 

“You can find them up your a-” Grimmchild started before Cloth covered his mouth with a book, “Hey! LEt me FINISH that sentence!” 

“No way, we’re keeping this kid-friendly!’

“It’s not even that kid-friendly, there are some weird theories and jokes here and there-” Before Grimmchild and Cloth could continue arguing about the rating of this fic, the Nightmare King reappeared again, this time carrying a giant stick. 

“Alright, you may have been able to get through the Palace under fifty minutes, but that’s still too slow. We will be doing this for the last minutes of the period for all the rest of our classes.” The Nightmare King collected Jiji totems from everyone before examining them all and scoffing. “Just as I had thought, you are all pathetic. Only Cloth and Blossom were able to get through without using their Jiji totems. Alright, you disgusting lumps, line up. We’re going to do something fun for me but not fun for you.” 

“Plap,” said the yam that SOAP threw at Hornet. 

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“SHUT UP AND GET IN A LINE!” shrieked the Nightmare King. “OTHERWISE, I’M GOING TO SLAP YOU WITH THIS FAT STICK!” Everyone quickly began to line up because that fat stick was indeed very fat as well as menacing. 

“I do not slapped with are mold, thank yuo,” stated Dave, hopping on a stupid bench and screaming. The Nightmare King whipped around and slammed the big stick onto Dave, decimating both him and the bench. Dave soon reappeared, this time waddling hurriedly to not get hit again with the fat stick. 

“I’m going to be calling the names of people who need to go into the stupid corner. Those of you who don’t have your names called can just watch.” The Nightmare King then proceeded to call the names of everyone in the class except for Quirrel, Cloth, and Blossom. 

“Uh, sir,” Quirrel said timidly as he walked up to the angrier than usual Nightmare King, “Are you sure that I’m not stupid?”

“Yeeeeesssssssss, I’m sure that you are- I mean,  _ not _ stupid,” the Nightmare King replied grumpily before throwing Cloth and Blossom back their Jiji totems. He then picked up Quirrel by the foot and threw him to the Not Stupid corner. He whipped around and began tossing fireballs and Primal Aspids at the people in the Stupid Corner. Everyone was screaming and skittering around like smelly cockroaches as he continued to hurl flames and Asspids at them. Quirrel looked at the Stupid corner where most of his friends were. Deciding that he would rather not watch, he turned to Cloth and Blossom.

“SSssooooooo,” he said reluctantly as he held up his Jiji totem. “I used my Jiji totem about 12 times while going through the reconstructed White Palace. I heard you guys didn’t use it at all?”

“NO!” screamed Blossom happily as she kicked a piece of dirt onto a blob of infection, “Did NOT use, but did clogged TOITLET!”

“I used the same method as last time,” said Cloth, “It’s easier.” 

“Wasn't Jakeem with yuo?” Blossom asked as she poked Cloth’s eye. 

“Well, yes, but he kept falling onto rocks and taking damage somehow. He does not know the meaning of ‘crawl or else you will be hit by the bottom of a sawblade’.” 

An awkward silence ensued as the Nightmare King continued to sadistically throw fireballs and Primal Aspids at the screeching students in the Stupid Corner. 

Grimmchild, who also decided everyone was stupid, was flapping around and ripping out the teeth of the other screaming students as Primal Asspids were flung at him. 

“Who do you think the most biased teacher in this school would be?” Quirrel asked as he observed Grimmchild get knocked in the face by a fat Primal Aspid, “Because the Nightmare King and Grimm don’t even let Grimmchild off the hook if he does something wrong even though he’s their own child. I do wonder!” 

“Um, maybe Lurien,” suggested Cloth, “Because if you make one mistake then he gives you like an F------------ and then he starts praising the Pale Demented Thing.” 

“Thnik I onle was the Pale King simp for, nobody in school though Lurien the Stalker,” Blossom said as she observed the Nightmare King toss Aspids around the field, screaming about how wimpy the students were and that his dead nonexistent Grandmother could run faster than them. “BUTTTTTTT Nihtmared Knig does like me becase I cloged the toitlet! But I aslo sidnt take any dadmage until like the end of the palace, so, not sure if biased.”

“How  _ did _ you get through without taking damage?” asked Quirrel, “It’s almost impossible.” 

Blossom did a weird gesture that looked like a cockroach throwing up and turning into an artichoke. Making a strange iPad cracking because it was being eaten by a sandwich noise, Blossom answered, “Royyyyyyyyal Pipeways!”

“Oh, so you traveled using the sewers- wait, but those pipes are smaller than you!” exclaimed Quirrel, furiously jotting down notes like a fish eating a cactus, “How did you manage that?!” 

“ROROOOOyyayayaaaaaLLL piepways!” 

“Yes, but how?”    
  


“rOYAL piepwAYs!” 

“Okay, the Royal Pipeways that you somehow managed to fit into. Fine.” Quirrel turned away and saw the Nightmare King, still flinging stupid flames and Asspids at the Stupid People of the Stupid Corner. 

“E” Blossom said happily as she grabbed a tooth that dropped from Grimmchild’s armpit and tossed it at the Stupid people in the Stupid corner. Grimmchild happily flapped over and took the tooth in an instant, before being pelted with 73 Primal Asspids, not to mention 209 flames. 

After the 93934th flame, the Nightmare King said, “Alright, Stupids, class is over. I can’t believe you idiots actually stayed alive, but whatever. Move on to your next stupid class.” 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow, people don't want Quirrel to die and Grimm is married to the Nightmare King! wait a minute, that's just the students being idiots, nevermind.

“Whta class next is are will was?” asked Blossom like a rotting piece of broccoli, “WHTA CLASS NEXT IS ARE WILL WAS WHERE WHO WHTA??” 

“Um, the next class is... English,” replied Quirrel, “And History mixed for good measure.” 

“NomONOm????” Koi asked. “MONoNOnnnnnnOmomnon?” 

“Momomom??” replied Moi, “Nononon?? Nomonom??” 

“Er... It’s ‘Monomon,’ but yes,” replied Quirrel. 

“29 bars of soap on the wall, 29 bars of soap,” muttered Tiso, polishing his stupid shield, “Take one down, toss it ‘round, 28 bars of soap on the wall! 28 bars of soap-”  
  


“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII AAMAMAMAMAMAMAMMAMAMMAMA NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOTTTTTTT NOOOOOOOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NTO TNO TNONOT NOT NNNNNOTTTTT NOT SOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!” screeched SOAP furiously, “NOT NEVER NEVER NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NEVER WILL BE SOAP NEVER!!!! NOT SOUP NOT NOT NOT SOP SOP SOUP SOAP!!!” 

“SHut UP!” shrieked Grimmchild, “This is like the only thing about you that makes you unique, and it’s stupid! Koi, replace SOAP with an empty Ghost that isn’t able to speak or anything! OR put in someone who has infinite teeth!” 

“No!” squealed Koi and Moi, grinning like senile pieces of chalk. Koi threw her pencil at Grimmchild, and it rebounded off his face, hitting Moi’s arm instead. Moi screeched and threw a leaf at Koi, which didn’t actually go anywhere and instead floated to the ground like a dying seal. 

Monomon rolled her eyes and gestured to the desks with her slimy tentacle foot. 

“Go to a desk and pull out your stupid pencils. We are going to continue annotating the stupid articles, and write poetry today because all of you need to learn something and do something productive,” she said, “Quirrel will hand out the stupid papers.” 

Grimm screaming next door was heard, the students had probably broken 72 more windows and maybe his last 39 spare organs. 

“Oh, not again,” whined Grimmchild. “Now I’m never going to get that world record! Unless… Dad 2 goes and like, comforts him or something ....”

“A depressed Music teacher sits through his classes,

Crying all day long,

While the P.E. teacher whoops his students’ asses,

What could have gone wrong?” SOAP enunciated in their best poetry reading voice.

“Literally the only thing you’re good at is poetry and screaming about how you are not SOAP,” Hornet retorted as she smacked SOAP in the head with a needle and a sponge. 

“You should write that poem down,” Monomon said as she slapped SOAP’s face with some paper and a pencil, “But write it AFTER you finish annotating your articles.”

“But there are tickles did well taken all day are!” complained SOAP. 

“What does it all mean?!” Quirrel cried as he scribbled down more notes as SOAP and Dave melted into a puddle of infection, void, and, of course, SOAP. 

“Oh adi _no_ ,” siad Hornet, “There is... SOAP on the floor.” She dashed away and hid under a desk.

“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII AMAMAMAMMAMAMAMMMM NOOOOTOTOTOTOTOTOTOTOTTTT NOT SOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP NOT NOT NOTTTT!!!” screeched SOAP, “NEVER WILL BE SOAP!! I WILL NEVER EVER EVER BE SOAP, SOUP, SOP, OR SOAP IN MY LIFE!! I AM GHOST OR THE KNIGHT!!! NOT SOAP OR SOP OR SOUP!!! NOT AT ALL! NEVER NEVER NEVER!!!” SOUP kept screeching about NOT SOAP for several minutes before Monoman smacked them with a book.

“Quirrel, hand out the papers,” she said, “Ignore this idiot.” Quirrel nodded and grabbed some papers, grimacing at the terrible highlighting and messy handwriting from the stupid students. Handing a paper to the screeching and sputtering SOAP, Quirrel said,

“... Are you going to go to your desk? You need to do your work..” 

SOAP perked up and said, “NO! I AM MOST DEFINITELY NOT SOAP! IF YOU THINK THAT, DO NOT EVEN LOOK AT ME, YOU UNEDUCATED INGRATE!” 

“I am not calling you Soap, and I am not uneducated,” stated Quirrel, staring at the angry vessel, who was pelting random classmates with insults, “... I am Quirrel.” 

“Oh. sory.” SOAP grabbed Hammer and threw them at Hornet. “That’s what you get for calling me SOAP!” 

“BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD USE BAD GRAMMAR!!!!” shrieked Dave, “GRAMMAR BAD NOT GOOD USE!!” 

“OK OK OK OK STUPIDEO GRUM SMELLY GUMWAD STUPID smeelly NOT SOZAP NOT NOT DSOAP ARE NEVER BE WIOLL SOUP!!” hollered SOP. 

“Gumwad?” asked Quirrel.

“Pants house blobs of infection don’t wear them,” advised Blossom.

“Incredible, what are pants?” asked Cloth sarcastically, “I honestly actually have no idea what pants are, though. Please explain what the frick pants are.” 

“Pants. Are. PANTS!” screeched Blossom cheerfully as SOAP tipped her over and flung her at Hornet and Lace who were in the corner wrestling over a spare piece of chalk.

Koi and Moi, also in a corner with no idea what to put in the story, were still cackling in the corner pretending to be drunk pieces of chalk dipped in mud. Moi, deciding that throwing up in the corner was mandatory, making something random happen.

“BLEBLEBLEBLEBLEBLEBLEBEELBEL!” shouted Afro like a dying floppy noodle, spouting out random bits of stinky disgusting drippy Void. A maggot got offended because that was plagiarism and “HE COPIED MY EPIC SPECH!!!1!1!1!11!1!!!1!” 

“Shut up and write poems if you’re done!” yelled Monomon as she slapped Grimmchild who was trying to yank out her teeth. Grimmchild grumpily flopped away holding a pencil and a piece of paper as well as some teeth. He settled on his desk before brainstorming what he should write a poem about. Deciding not to think too much, he wrote a few poem lines before giving up and flapping away. Cloth was curious to see what he wrote, so she, Tiso, God Tamer, and Pale Lurker walked over to Grimmchild’s desk to read his weird poem. 

“The fatass cat shat on my mat,” Tiso read as Cloth and God Tamer failed to hold back their laughter. “Is that even school appropriate?”

“No, it is not,” said Monomon, “Grimmchild, _redo_ this!” 

“No.” Grimmchild continued to plop around the smelly room as Dave melted and everyone slipped because of the stupid trail of Infectious goo he was leaving everywhere.

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“I am going to necktie,” said Grimmchild, “Just to get out of this class full of idiots.”

“Oh no, don’t do a Grimm/Hollow Knight Boss Battle Phase 2/Quirrel at Blue Lake Encounter 2!” exclaimed Bretta. 

“Uh oh, what am I going to do?” asked Quirrel, “What am I going to do??” 

“Die miserably,” Grimmchild said as he shot himself with a revolver.

“Doesn’t that happen to everyone every day?” Quirrel asked as Grimmchild’s blood splattered all over the walls of the English/History classroom. 

“Yes,” muttered Grimmchild right before he died from a hole being blown through his head, “But you will commit die.” 

“Wait, what!?” 

“IIIIII FROBID YOU TO GO NEEEEAR LAKES !” screamed SOAP as they clocked Quirrel in the head with a bench, “NOT DIE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

“Yeah, we still need you to give us the test answers!” said Cloth, “But seriously, we actually don’t want you to die. You’re like the only sane person in this class.” 

“I wish Lace would go to Blue Lake and do a Quirrel,” muttered Hornet as Lace performed a German Suplex on her. 

“No you,” said Lace while she was thwacked by Hornet’s fat, bendy needle. 

“I am are nver talk ever to gaganin you,” said SOAP, “or die so don’t you.” they mimed gagging for no reason at all. 

“Alright, I get that you don’t want me to die, but what?” Quirrel asked as SOAP threw up some vengeflies that chased after Blossom. “What are you trying to say?”

“If you don’t talk to someone then they won’t move on to the next area,” explained Cloth, “Which is why (Ghost) doesn’t want to talk to you anymore so you don’t die.” 

“Wait, Ghost! Can we talk this out, please?”

SOAP gave Quirrel an incredulous expression before turning around and poking Grimmchild’s corpse. 

“Hey, if we buy bags of sand and fill up all the lakes then Quirrel can’t Lake!” screeched Jake, who had the amazing IQ of a sunbathing tortoise. 

“Well, that would be a good solution!” exclaimed Cloth, who also didn’t want Quirrel to go The Hollow Knight Boss Battle Epic Music Change. 

“You children need to stop talking about lakes and suicide so that you can complete your stupid articles and poems!” yelled Monomon as she grabbed a yardstick and smacked SOAP.

“SHUT UP AND DON'T GET HIRED BY PALE THING AND DIE OR QURREL THE GIRL WILL DIE A COCKROACH!” screeched SOUP. 

“WHAT?!” Monomon screamed back. “I HAVE NOT THE FOGGIEST CLUE WHAT THE HECK YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY!”

“I’m not a girl, I’m a boy,” Quirrel said, visibly confused.

“Do not the lake,” Hammer said to Quirrel as they threw up on his face. 

“I know, I know! Guys, stop! I promise that I won’t lake, alright? If you could please just talk to me, Ghost?” Quirrel stared into SOAP’s small, tiny, beady eyes helplessly as SOAP shook their head.

“BAN LAKES!!!” shrieked Blossom loudly like a flamingo on steroids, “BAN LAKE BAJO LAKES! BANJO LAKES!” 

“Would you like to learn how to play the banjo?” Dung Defender asked as he came into the room holding several banjos and a trumpet. 

“NO THANKS!” screeched Blossom as she tossed a potted plant at Dung Defender who quickly left the room before his head could be stuck to a plant. She then continued to join in the chant of “BAN LAKES BAN LAKES NO TALKING TO QUIRREL”. 

“Guys… I don’t think that I would be very happy if you stopped talking to me,” Quirrel said softly. Everyone suddenly stopped chanting and turned to look at Quirrel. 

“I WILL TALK TO YOU BUTT NOTE LISEN!!!!!!!” shrieked SOP, “UFNJEFNNBFBNFRBNFBHFEBHEFBHEBHDFBEHBDEHUBFUHEBFUHEWBUBHEWUHBFUHEBUFBEUWHFBEHUBFYUEBUEBNBDFNEHBFUEHFUYBEHFHUEFEYBFENWUHEBNFUHEBNUFNBEWHUFBNEHUWFBNEUHFNENFUEYUYNHBUYCUEY I CANT HERE YOO FJIEJFIEJFHIUEHIUFHEIUHNFEHNFUIEHNFUIEHNUFHEUFHEUHFEUFHEUFHEIUHNFIUEHFIEHNIFHNEIUFEIUHNFIUENFINEIFNEMIFNMEIOFMNIENWMFIENFINEIJFNEINFEIW-” 

The noises of SOAP’s radio imitation was soon quieted because Quirrel started crying.

“Uh,” Cloth said, starting to panic, “What do we do? If we talk to him, he dies, but if we don’t talk to him he starts doing a Grimm.”

“SOAP! TALK TO QUORL!!!” Blossom shrioeked as she slapped SOAP’s eyeball which flew out and rolled around the floor. 

“AMMMMMMMMMM!!!” screeched SOAP, “AM I AM NOT SOAAPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!! AND AMM TALKING, _NOOOT_ LISTENING!”

“LISTEN TO HIM, ALRIGHT? AREN’T YOU TWO LIKE BEST FRIENDS?!” Screamed the Pale Lurker as she shoved a sponge into SOAP’s eye socket. “I KNOW THAT IF GOD TAMER STOPPED TALKING TO ME FOREVER, I WOULD GO CRAZY TOO!”

“This qualifies as serious mental trauma,” said Monomon, “I mean, your friends keep saying you’re going to commit death and you can’t go near liquid? And can’t talk to them? What is wrong with this class?” Quirrel continued to sob, sounding a whole lot like Grimm, who would probably burst into the room at some point and rant about copycats. 

“Talk butt BAND LAKES!!!” screeched Blossom, causing Grimm to appear and shout something about “sTOP THE FOOT WATER” and “I do not want to live in the lake.” The Nightmare King suddenly appeared next to Grimm before prying open Grimm’s mouth and shoving his hand down his throat to pull out a Grimmothy and toss him at SOAP, who was still being pelted by rocks and sponges. 

“Oi, stop giving the whole school heart attacks, you stupid wads of dirt!” growled the Nightmare King, “First you make Quirrel cry, Grimmchild has just fallen off a cliff for no reason, and now Grimm is having war flashbacks! _STOP_ IT!” Grimmchild, to prove his point, flapped and flew off some random tower before Grimm threw him up again. Grimmchild then flopped around, ripping out random classmates’ teeth. “You all need to find a viable solution so that Quirrel doesn’t suicide and also so that he doesn’t break down, because, last I checked, most people suicide due to lack of self-esteem, depression, and feelings of neglect. You are all ignoring Quirrel’s feelings, yelling at him, and throwing up and screeching about how he can’t suicide even though you are blatantly making him want to die even more. As the person who is to be comforted, _QUIRREL_ has a voice as well.” 

There was silence before Grimm said, “See, you ARE good at Mental Counseling! You just hate everyone except for Grimmothy and me for some reason.” The Nightmare King snorted before picking up Grimm and snapping, teleporting away to who knows where. 

SOAP let out a huge sigh before waddling up to Quirrel and patting him on the back. 

“I’m sorry, okay?” SOAP said as they patted Quirrel’s back. “You didn’t like how I told everyone not to talk to you. You’re my best friend, and I care about you alright? So please stop crying. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” said Quirrel as his teeth were pulled out like bloody clumps of toothpaste. 

“Monomon, please do not the the the the the the Pale Hired Thing Fork Fish Sawblade Lover so Quirrel doesn’t will kill you have to sad be the Lake Blue,” requested Blossom, “Or else clog _ALL_ toilets! Forever! Never end clog! Get new toilets? CLOGGED to as well!!” 

“What,” said Monomon as Grimmchild flew over and yanked out several of her teeth. “Are you saying that if I accept a new job, Quirrel will suicide? Well then, I won’t accept the new job, because Quirrel is one of the only students at this school who has a brain, AND I care about him, so the stupid Pale Thing can go eat a toenail for all I care!”

“Sart!” exclaimed Blossom, before crashing into the floor, cracking her face open, and clogging the school toilet for absolutely no reason. 

“Also, you realize that you literally can’t take that job or else Quirrel will have to kill you, right?” asked Cloth, “and (Ghost, not SOAP don’t yell at me okay) will as well?” 

“Can we please just stop discussing my death?” asked Quirrel.

“YUS YUS!” shrieked SOAP as they stepped on Grimmothy’s nonexistent toenails, “Friend siad stop, so we stop!” 

“WE aer aern aer ae nr aer earm ear earsmwe aare ears” asked Koi, “so are the bobbles in are 

Pk ears two!” 

“Mean,” said Moi, “that are ears bobbles no Pale Ears Native Thing’s are to forehead.” Koi looked very sad after hearing that Bobbles would not grow on her ears. Quirrel, still numb from his teeth being ripped out, began writing random notes about the vessels being stupid because “they are such fascinating creatures.” Blossom sat at her desk, calculating how many toilets she could clog in a minute.

“Do your stupid poetry!” snapped Monomon the Preacher. 

“pRAise the Radianceee!” said a weird blobby moss thing. “To supressss the loight is to be sTUPID! DO NOT BE STUPID!!! A A A A A A A A A A AA”

“That is a nice song?” said Honret, “I mean, it’s better than _her_ singing.” She gestured to Lace, who was screaming stupid lyrics like a vomiting cow. 

“THIS IS NOT CHORUS CLASS!” yelled Monomon the Teacher as she swung around a yardstick using her tentacle foot thingy. “sTOP SINGING AND DO YOUR POEMS!”

“When I grow up, I want to be a dentist,” Grimmothy said happily as he ripped out Blossom’s teeth. “Although, that depends entirely if I even do grow up at all.”

“Nobody asked and nobody cares,” Tiso snarked before he was crushed by Molly, again. 

“mY LiTTle pOOOOOOOOOOOnIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” screamed Lace, “mY LittlE POOOOOOOOONNNNNNNIiiiiiiiiiiEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY!!” 

“MY EARS ARE BLEEDING, BUT PRAISE AND SUPPORT THE RADIANCE!” screeched the Moss Prophet as his face fell off. 

“I would like the face that there is for on the collection my,” said Jake, picking up the dropped face. He polished it and stuck it into his eyehole. 

“Why are you collecting faces?” Rainle asked, “What is it with all of you weirdo vessels?”

“Faces are cute,” explained Dave matter-of-factly, “They are.”

“Mask Maker,” said Zote. 

“HE SPEAKS!” screamed Hornet. “HE SAID SOMETHING!” She then began whapping him in the head again with more needles and rocks and sponges, chanting, “SAY SOMETHING! SAY SOMETHING OTHER THAN ZOTE!” 

“Zote,” said Zote, making Hornet quickly lose interest. 

“Efijfajfjafijaf,” said Koi, blowing a raspberry at Hornet. 

Hornet glared at Koi, slapping her with the stupid bendy needle, which rebounded on Hornet’s face because Koi is the author of this and that’s why it doesn’t make any sense ha ha. Hornet ran out of the classroom screaming something about Ghosts as SOAP gleefully chased her thinking that they were the Ghost that she was referring to. They were not. 

““I am the Mr. Mushroom of feet,” declared Grimmchild like a grumpy floppy apple,” said Jake as he read aloud his amazing story about Grimmchild exploding after eating every single tooth he had ever ripped out of people’s mouths, “Do want you here to more?” He asked, pointing to his whole story about Grimmchild story, “More I the have of so many pages story.” 

Without waiting for an answer, Jake read, “Grimmchild’s Karma: Translated So People Can Understand It. 

This guy loved ripping out teeth. It was his hobby. Did people like it? No, not Jake, the GOD OF EVERYTHING AND WAS A HIGHER BEING AND COOL AND AMAZING AND HAD EVERY POWER EVER, Grimmchild was a jerk and would get his karma. Yes! Jake the AMAZING made Grimmchild have to eat every tooth he had ever stolen from anyone. Soon, Grimmchild exploded! The guts were everywhere, and Grimmchild said, “I think you are the most amazing ever I love you you are amazing I am the worst ever I am sorry.” Then, everyone got their teeth back and said “Jake is AMAZING THE BEST EVER WOW I THINK JAKE IS SO AMAZING HE IS SO AMAZING I WILL WORSHIP JAKE” and everyone got to get revenge and there was a party for Jake the Amazing-” He was cut off when Grimmchild flew over, ripped out his teeth, broke his horns, and flew back. 

“What a delightful story!” Quirrel exclaimed as he frantically wrote more notes about weird vampire moth thingies that like ripping out teeth and smelly beetles with no minds to think. “I would love to read the rest!” 

“That was the literal worst story ever,” corrected Grimmchild, “Like, why would I eat those teeth!? It makes no sense and Jake is just Jake. I don’t get it HE’S NOT A HIGHER BEING! AND ALSO WHY WOULD I SUBMIT TO HIM!? THAT THING OF ALL PEOPLE?”

“Oh, I just want to hear the story because Jake’s tiny squeaky voice works well as background noise. You know, ambiance when you’re having a splitting headache because your students won’t fricking _listen_ to you?” Monomon said, her words sounding more like snarls as she progressed. Right as she finished growling about headaches and poopy students, SOAP and Hornet ran back into the classroom, screaming about Ghosts and Jake’s terrible writing.

“The child murder event in the universe other called ‘Canon’ happened 290 years ago. The dumb Fork dad King of Stupid and Bad Parenting had this fun hobby called ‘child murder,’” stated Hornet, clearly having heard this stupid story too much, “The Child Murder event was caused by the Radiance creating the Coronavirus and throwing it up all over everyone. Stupid Dad said, ‘I am a genius guess what the solution to that is child murder’ so that’s why Child Murder happened.”  
  


The Nightmare King popped into the room. 

“Did someone say, ‘ _Child murder_ ’? I CAN HELP YOU WITH IT!” 

“No, no, we were talking about the history of Hallownest in the canonverse thingy,” Hornet said as SOAP rolled into a tub and disappeared forever. “I was at the part where Dad said that killing all his children was an awesome idea.”

“Ah, the stupidiot. DEstroy his bedroom for me if you go to the White Palace today, will you? Your grade will go from D to a B+.”

“I’m pretty sure that isn’t allowed,” Monomon said grumpily as she grabbed SOAP and pulled them out of the tub. 

“No, it isn’t,” agreed the Nightmare King, “But I’m doing it anyway.” He snapped and went poof before Monomon could give him a stupid lecture about “school rules number 83948394834”. 

“I’m pretty sure that he isn’t even allowed to be in a relationship with another teacher in the school?” Quirrel asked Monomon, “He’s broken a lot of rules, hasn’t he? Well, at the same time, I’ve got to respect that he has the gall to do that.”

“Hea dating who” Dave asked as he chucked rocks and benches at SOAP.

“Grimm, but not in a romantic way. More like ‘high I’m evil’ ‘oh hi evel’ ‘do you join the want to circus or die’ ‘no’ ‘okay thank you’,” explained Grimmchild badly, “So now they’re stuck in this cycle of ‘can I just die yet’ ‘you already did’ ‘no but I want to die forever’”. 

“What a nice relationship! I wonder if I will ever be in one like that someday!’ Quirrel exclaimed happily as SOAP melted, causing him to slip and fall over like a drunk banana peel. 

“Quirrel, that is not a nice relationship,” Respo said, appearing somewhat concerned because this is weird.   
  


“Not bad, either, though!” retorted Grimmchild. “They do like each other, and they would be in a healthy relationship, if only they weren’t Higher Beings.” Grimmchild then flew over and yanked out Zemmoth’s teeth. 

“Um, no Grimmchild, that sounds miserable,” Myla said as Bretta started drawing a bunch of cursed fanart. 

“Yeah, but it would be even more miserable if only one existed and the other was dead or something,” Grimmmothy replied. “Like, imagine if only Dad 2 was alive. We would all literally just be dead by now because of how angry he can get, and he would most likely be angry, like, all the time because he has nobody to actually vent to. He would also be super sad and depressed because Dad 1 is basically like his emotional support even though he doesn’t act like somebody who needs emotional support. Meanwhile, Dad 1 would just be some normal ol’ wimp with no awesome amazing God boyfriend or whatever, and I would be dead and all of you hooligans wouldn’t know how to play any instruments. However, if Dad 1 had met Dad 2 already and Dad 2 died or something, he would probably be super cold and mean because he lost somebody he likes a lot or something, so yeah. They kinda need each other.” 

“What a nice relationship!” Quirrel repeated as he wrote down even more notes. 

“This is weird,” stated Moi.

“No matter, my brain hemorrhaged,” replied Koi. 

“My brane already hemorrhaged,” bragged Moi. 

“I” declared SOAP as Quirrel walked over to stare at Bretta’s weird painting of the Nightmare King asking Grimm if he wanted to join a circus or stub his toe. Grimm said no to both before finally saying yes because having your toe stubbed is not fun. 

**“My arms were pink,** ” said Dave, “ **Bright** PINK.” 

“QWuat,” said Cedrin as Grimmchild continued to explain the weird timeline of how his father decided to kidnap Grimm and yell at him to die a lot of times or something so that his village wouldn’t be massacred. 

Grimm popped into the room.

“DO not discuss my life’s story!” 

“Whatever, dad1! Hey guys, did you know that once Dad 1 got captured by evil maggots?” 

“WHAT?! WHEN WAS THAT?” Grimm yelled as SOAP flung bits of cheese and mold at Grimm’s cloak.

“Woah, really? Tell me about it! I need to take notes!” 

“So this happened about 600 years ago, Dad 2 told me about it. Dad 1 doesn’t remember it. He asked Dad 2 to try and erase the memory because he hated it so much. So basically some maggots came into the tent one day, put Dad 1 inside of a rock, and then they captured him and threw him to somewhere called “maggot land” and stuck him in the zoo. Then-” Grimmchild’s mouth was covered by Grimm, who told him, 

  
“DO NOT TELL THEM ABOUT THAT ONE!” 

“Fine, I’ll tell them about what happened when you were cursed with Stubbed Toe.” 

“NO!!! Don’t tell them anything!” 

“Oh, that’s when I became depressed because I thought you ran away,” the Nightmare King said as he randomly appeared again. “Fun times, fun times.” 

“Yeah, so basically Dad 1 went into hiding because Divine started screaming so Dad 2 went ‘oh no he ran away well he won’t get far because I will curse him with stubbed toe.’” 

“And that’s when he screamed so loud that he made Brumm go deaf, right?” the Nightmare King said as he was slapped by Grimm. 

“WHY ARE YOU SPLATTERING MY PERSONAL INFORMATION EVERYWHERE? WHAT- HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF I STARTED SCREAMING ABOUT THE TIME YOU FRICKIN’ CUT MY ARMS OFF BECAUSE…” Grimm trailed off, looking somewhat disturbed and unhappy.

“Go ahead and tell them,” the Nightmare King said softly, examining his hands as Grimm looked at him angrily. “I don’t particularly care… if you share my information, but I do apologize for adding on.”

“The ship is the,” said Hive Knight the High School Dropout who somehow got a job as both a highly paid guard and a teacher at the school. 

“Wait, what?” Grimmchild asked as the Nightmare King walked out of the classroom. “I never heard about the time you cut off Grimm's arms? What happened?” 

“Don’t tell him!” Grimm hissed as he grabbed the Nightmare King’s arm.

“I would rather not tell it at all,” the Nightmare King replied before shrugging and smiling at Grimm. “Don’t worry.” Grimm sighed before following him out of the classroom, leaving behind a very confused English and History class. 

“SO ANYWAYS, DID YOU KNOW THAT GRIMM ONCE THOUGHT THAT A CHIPMUNK WOULD MAKE A GOOD PET FOR DAD 2? You wanna know what happened? Dad 2 ate the chipmunk!” Before Grimmchild could continue screeching random information that nobody needed, Grimm threw a boot at him.

“Shut. up,” he growled. The Nightmare King whispered something to Grimm before tugging him along. Grimm huffed as he followed the Nightmare King. 

“Wow, who did you get that blabbering trait from?” asked Cloth as Quirrel started leaning over and taking notes on Cloth’s blank paper because he used up all of his own. 

“I don’t know, Dad 1 says that when he was a kid he used to deal with bullies by blabbering to their mothers, but he also says he was a nice kid so I don’t know. Dad 2 says that when Dad 1 was a kid he saw him-”

“STOP TELLING THEM MY STUPID LIFE’S STORY!” 

“Go away, Dad.” 

“NO! UNTIL YOU LEARN TO RESPECT THE BOUNDARIES OF MY PERSONAL INFORMATION, I’M TAKING AWAY YOUR ARMS!” Grimm then snapped and Grimmchild’s buff arms turned into normal wings. 

“Hey! But then how am I supposed to write or hold a sword?” Grimmchild screeched as he frantically tried to get his arms back. 

“That’s what your wingtips are for!” Grimm yelled back. 

“WHAT?!”

“When we get home, we are going to have a small talk about respect and keeping your mouth shut,” the Nightmare King said, his voice low and dangerous before he snapped and teleported away. Grimm snapped as well, glaring at Grimmothy as he went poof. Monomon sighed before writing on some detention slips.

“Alright, so everyone except for Cloth, Quirrel, SOAP, and Grimmchild are receiving detention because nobody wrote any poems apart from these for idiots. And speaking of detention, that’s what you are receiving for lunch period. Right after you finish eating, you must show up in Lemm’s room to receive your punishments.” Monomon slapped the slips onto the stinky students’ foreheads, muttering about how everyone was incompetent and annoying. 

“Grimmchild, I demand you to finish your poem,” said Tiso, “Finish it.”

“Which one, Squished Mawlek thingy?”  
  


“The fatass cat shat on my mat.”

“No. Hey, did you know that Divine’s specialty is making diarrhea noises?” With Grimmchild’s last remark, the bell rang, signifying for the smelly students to flop away and eat cursed fruit and rotten sandwiches that turn them into purple toads. 

“IIIIIIIIIIIWANNAEEATATATATTATTAT” screamed Dave as he and the other students ran out of the classroom, shrieking. Quirrel stayed behind to collect papers and pencils that had fallen onto the desks before bidding his goodbyes to Monomon and hurrying after his peers. 

  
  
  



	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> national pale king avoidance day

Grimm yelled at his stupid music students before stomping back to his desk grumpily. Today was really not his day. As Grimm pulled out a stupid wierd piece of cloth to polish his metronome with, it dawned on him. He face-palmed, smacking his head onto the desk.

“Friiiiiccckckkkkkkkkkk, today really does suck, doesn’t it?” He muttered with his head facing down. 

“What’s wrong?” the Nightmare King asked as he looked up from trying to repair a guitar.

Grimm’s head shot up and he glared at the Nightmare King.

“They think we’re dating!” The Nightmare King looked at Grimm for a moment before shrugging and returning to repairing his guitars.

“Are you not concerned?!” Grimm hissed as the Nightmare King continued to poke the guitar, trying to find out if there was possibly any way for it to be repaired.

“At this point, I think we might as well. We have a  _ child _ , Grimm, how are they not supposed to think we’re in a relationship of some sort? Also, I could give even less of a hoot of whatever they think of us, as long as they aren’t hurting you or me, I say it’s fine.” 

Grimm moaned tiredly as he slammed his head onto the desk again. Yeah, this was really not his day. 

“Should I leave?” asked Dung Defender, “Or should I wait until the next 4 classes are over? Because there are still classes, you know.” 

“No, no, please stay,” Grimm said, his voice muffled because his head was still slammed onto the desk. “Ughghghghghghghghhghghg…..” Some students ran into the room with Soul Master running after them, screaming. 

“LET ME HIT YOU JUST ONCE! SERIOUSLY! COME ON! I CAN DO SOMETHING COOL!” Soul Master’s body slammed into the floor, breaking it. The Nightmare King, seeing Grimm still flopped onto the desk like a melted puddle of spit then began to try and comfort him.

“Oh get a room, you two!” Marissa cried happily as she saw the Nightmare King trying to comfort Grimm. Grimm looked up to glare daggers at her before groaning again and smacking his head back onto the desk. The Nightmare King patted Grimm’s head, telling him reassuring words, like ‘don’t worry I’ll go fry your students for you if you don’t want to’ and ‘if Marissa doesn’t leave then I’ll burn her as well’ and some ‘If you want I can cook dinner because of how tired you are’.

“Um,” Brumm said as the five students he was teaching looked at Grimm and the Nightmare King with concern. “Don’t worry about him, I’ll ask Grimm how he’s doing later. For now, everyone, just focus on trying to play the accordion.” Brumm’s students shrugged before continuing to be confused as they tried to play the song that Brumm composed himself. 

“I want to die,” Grimm said in a muffled depressed person's voice. Right before the Nightmare King could make a remark about how Grimm always wanted to die, the bell rang, and the students began flopping out of the classroom. Soon, teachers and other staff members began to pour into the class, making Grimm’s headache ten times worse.

“Why can’t you all just leave me alone?” he exclaimed as the Nightmare King kicked a student out of the classroom for being too slow. “There’s a lunchroom for a reason! I have no idea why any of you aren’t using it!”

“Same reason why we don’t use it in the mornings,” Sly answered as he dragged his super fat nail into Grimm’s room. Salubra crawled into Grimm’s room, giggling as she was followed by several more teachers. 

“Look, if the Nightmare King is allowed to stay, then I see no reason as to why we can’t as well!” cried Monomon as she walked into the room carrying 89579854837 books and scrolls. 

“Yeah, but the only reason he’s allowed to stay is that he doesn’t give me a splitting headache. Most of the time, anyways,” Grimm retorted as the Nightmare King passed him some flames.

“OOhOHoooOoooOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!11!!!!!” Hive Knight said as Grimm sighed, flopping against the Nightmare King who was still trying to figure out how to fix guitars. “YUO TWO ARE SOOOOOOOOOO CUUUUUUTE TOGETHER!!11!!”

“Grimm, be a dear and pass me the rifle,” the Nightmare King said as Grimm shoveled flames into his mouth. Grimm rolled his eyes before grabbing the rifle from under his desk and handing it to the Nightmare King. Murmuring his thanks, the Nightmare King loaded the rifle before aiming it at Hive Knight and putting a bullet through his exoskeleton. As Hive Knight’s hemolymph sprayed everywhere, everyone continued eating and talking and acting as if this was completely normal. Hive Knight soon reappeared inside of the room, slightly more beat and shaken up as he glared at the Nightmare King, who in turn glared back. 

“Hey, who allowed guns in here? No violence allowed!” shrieked the Radiance as she flopped into the room as well for some reason, holding her morbidly obese Mawlek. Fuming, she stalked over to Grimm’s desk, looming over him as anger shone in her eyes. Grimm hesitantly met her gaze before the Nightmare King pulled him away, stepping between Grimm and the Radiance. The Nightmare King reloaded his gun and pointed it threateningly at the Radiance. 

“Problem?” he snarled as everyone in the room had their eyes trained on him. The Radiance hissed before backing away slowly, fluttering out of the room. She muttered something about lowering pay before meeting the Nightmare King’s gaze again and scoffing. She then floated away, probably going to look for some students that she could feed to her fat Mawlek. 

“Danggggggg,” muttered the Hive Knight as Grimm turned around to continue eating. “You really do make a nice couple, though.” He ducked before Grimm could load his own rifle and shoot Hive Knight in the face again. 

“Remind me again how you got a job here?” said Monomon, “You were a stupid high school dropout, you like shipping the staff, and you don’t actually contribute to anything here.  _ How _ in the world were you ever able to get hired for this school!?” She grimaced as she saw a student’s test answer, ‘ _ The three states of matter are SOUL, Void, and Essence. Essence is associated with hitting people and healing or spells, Void is what the Radiance emits, not to mention the Nightmare King who emits Nightmare Void, and Essence is that weird black stuff that makes Shades and also it is a type of Lifeblood. _ ’ 

“I was  _ not _ a high school dropout! I was much too intelligent for that stupid school!” Hive Knight protested, “You see, I was so advanced that I found out that everything they knew was  _ wrong _ .” 

Monoman rolled her eyes. 

“Fine. Tell me about a Hive Queen,” she commanded, “The Hive Queen Vespa, tell me about her. Let’s see if you know who your own stupid Queen is.” 

“Well, she’s a fat bee queen. Duh. And... Um.. don’tshootmebutthey’reactuallyagoodcoupleoverthere…” Hive Knight said, before getting shot by the Nightmare King, who was still tuning guitars as quickly as possible so there were at least 20 tuned guitars by the time the students finished lunch. 

“Get them out of this room, please,” requested Grimm, “I’m out of bullets because I spent the last 20 minutes shooting myself and now my gun is broken.” The Nightmare King stared at Grimm for 20 seconds before nodding slowly.

“Get out of this room before I shoot you all again!  _ AND _ your students’ papers, Monomon! You’ll have to make your stupid students do it all over again!” 

“They’re either not going to care, or they’ll just hate you, Nightmare King,” replied Monomon, “And I am going to continue grading because Grimm has a stash of pens, which are in good condition. I do not have any, because all my stupid students either ate them or dried them out making murals of the Nightmare King and then throwing the pens at the murals, trying to break them.” 

________________________________________________________________________

Divine smiled. 

“Hello, children! Today, I’ve prepared something very  _ special _ for you all! Isn’t that delightfu-”

“Divine, stop giving cursed food to the students!” Tuk shouted, throwing a Rancid Egg at her.

“Ooooh, cursed?? Turn will the me into frogs a bright pink?? Go the to nurse’s skip PEE class room?” asked Tape Recorder, “ARE THE?? If plea so se? Eat can the I one?” They started playing random clips while waiting for an answer.

Divine grinned. 

“Why yes, child, it will give you a  _ special surprise _ curse that will turn you into many funny things! I advise you to try one, and have your friends try some too! They are  _ very  _ tasty and will send you to the nurse in just a minute!” 

“Thou cringe, cringe, cringe, cringe, cringe, cringe, cringe,” went the recording of Godseeker.

“SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!” went the vessels. 

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“Zote,” said Zote.

“Zote,” said Zote while Grimmchild proceeded to rip out all his teeth in an attempt to make him shut the f **shaw** uck up, “Zote. Zote. Zote. Zote. Zote. Zote. Zote. Zote. Zote. Zote. Zote.” Each time a tooth was ripped out of Zote’s stupid mouth, “Zote.” was heard. From the lunchroom to the playground, they heard, “Zote. Zote. Zote. Zote. Zote. Zote. Zote-” Everyone was watching joyfully as Zote’s teeth kept getting pulled out. 

“SHUT UP!” screeched the Nightmare King, making Zote shut up as Grimmchild sadly flew away with 289 teeth in his wings, disappointed he could not get as many as he could have with his buff arms. 

“Stop eating that fruit, it’ll turn you into a buzzsaw for eternity,” Tuk said grumpily as she yanked an apple out of Rainle’s hand and gave him some scrambled eggs instead. 

“Sawbuzz for eternity? Maybe Dad will finally love me,” Austin said as he reached for the apple. Tuk looked at the shrimpy vessel with a concerned expression.

“You need someone to talk to, kid?” she asked as Austin tried to reach for the cursed apple. Austin stood still for a moment, his face looking quite sad.

“Y-yeah…” he replied quietly as Tuk ushered him away so that they could talk in private. Meanwhile, Divine cackled evilly because she knew that since Tuk was gone, there was nobody to stop her from turning the children into pickle jars and grubs. Of course, there were Grimm and Brumm, but Grimm was too busy doing something weird in his room with the Nightmare King while Brumm was trying to fix all of his broken accordions. Before Divine could shovel a cursed orange into Dave’s eye socket, Grimm appeared out of nowhere and smacked her upside her head. Again. 

“STOP CURSING THE FOOD AND GIVE THEM STUFF THAT THEY CAN ACTUALLY EAT!” Grimm screeched before the Nightmare King’s cloak tendrils reached out of the weird portal and pulled him back in. 

Divine cackled before cursing another orange and handing it to Dave. Dave, too stupid to register that the orange was most definitely cursed, ate the orange and turned into a foot. Shrieking indignantly, Dave yelled, “YUOU SAID BUSSSZZAW WAS TURN GOING INTO ME!!! NOT A THIS IS A NOT A NOT BUZZSAW!!” He ran around in circles for a bit before asking, “BUZZSAW!” Divine grinned and handed Dave another cursed orange. Dave shoved it into his toe and turned into a bar of soap. 

“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM NNNNnOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTT SSOSOSSOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPP!!!!!” screeched SOAP, “NOT NOT NOT NOOOOT NOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!! NEVER!!!!” 

Grimmchild flapped over to Zote, his wings yanking out his teeth, although not as quickly as his arms could have. Pulling out Zote’s teeth, He also decided to yank on his horns, as well. As he ripped out Zote’s invisible, cracked yellow teeth, Zote grunted in pain and said, 

“Zote. Zote. Zote. Zote. Zote. Zote. Zote-” 

“STop ripping out people’s teeth! GO FIND SOME OTHER HOBBY!” screeched Grimm, falling out of another stupid teleporting portal. 

“Never!” 

“You’re grounded!”    
  


“HEY GUYS, DID YOU KNOW THAT DAD USED TO STUB HIS TOE EVERYWHERE HE WENT BECAUSE DAD 2 GOT MAD AT HIM?”   
  


“YOU’RE GROUNDED FOR A MONTH!” 

Suddenly, the Nightmare King’s cloak tendrils emerged from the portal again, this time one tendril wrapping around Grimmothy and another tendril wrapped around Grimm’s mouth so that he would stop yelling and making people’s ears bleed. Several other cloak tendrils reached out of the portal and wrapped around Grimm’s legs before yanking him and Grimmchild into the portal as it closed up again. Before the Portal could close up, Grimm popped out one last time to mutter some weird spell before the Nightmare King’s hands wrapped around his neck and pulled him back in. People looked at each other in confusion as the portal suddenly disappeared and poofed out of existence.

“What in the hey,” said Dave, who was back to normal again.

“NOoOOOoOOOooOOO!!!!” screamed Divine. “CURSE YOU, GRIMM! NOW NONE OF MY BEWITCHED FRUIT WILL WORK ON THE STINKY CHILDREN!!!” She howled again, hooting and screeching about how Grimm was going to turn into a foot the next time she prepared a meal. 

“Wouldn’t the Nightmare King like curse you with stubbed toe or something if you tried to bewitch Grimm?” Cloth inquired as Divine continued to throw tantrums and flop around like a dying monkey at a gender reveal party. “Since, you know, they’re like mates and stuff?”

The portal reappeared and Grimm’s hand reached out to slap Cloth. 

“We are NOT mates!” he shrieked before the portal closed up again. 

“...How?” Cloth said after a few moments as she reached up to massage her face. 

“Yeah, I thought they were like married,” Pale Lurker said as another portal appeared and Grimm’s hand reached out to slap the Pale Lurker before he shrieked something about not being married.

“Really? But they have a child! How are they not in a relationship of some sort?” Tiso voiced. Grimm’s hand reappeared again and was about to slap Tiso but then Tiso protested, “I didn’t SAY you guys were married or anything, I just said that it’s hard to believe, so don’t slap me!” Grimm’s hand reluctantly retreated back into the portal. 

____________________________________________________________

“Stop slapping the students,” said Monomon as Grimm retreated his stupid twig sized arm back through the portal, “They’re going to complain all class. “‘Grimm is slapping everyone so I can’t do my work!’ ‘Grimm is shooting himself next door and it’s too loud!’ ‘The Nightmare King is shooting his students! IT’s TOO LOUD!’” 

“That’s  _ your _ problem, Monoman,” muttered the Nightmare King as he threw another ruined guitar into the quickly growing pile of ruined instruments. As he walked over to an organ, he noticed that it didn’t work either, so he picked it up and threw that into the pile as well. Grimm jumped out the window screaming as 27 Bright Pink Frogs flew out of his shoe. 

“Where DO you keep getting shoes?” Lurien asked as the Nightmare King picked up a shoe and set it on fire, frying the frogs that were living inside of it. The Nightmare King shrugged as he reached inside to grab a cooked frog and stuff it into his mouth. 

“This makes no sense,” muttered Monomon, “How can you eat a frog? It’s completely backward! We’re bugs! They’re frogs! Nothing is the right size and I’m a jellyfish!” The Nightmare King picked up a scorched frog and tossed it at Monomon, who shrieked because the frog was still on fire. 

Drug Defender began playing Grimm’s theme on the trumpet because he had already eaten his food and he was bored. Grimmothy was also really bored, so midway through Grimm’s song, Grimmchild flew over to Dung Defender and pried out several of his teeth. Suddenly, Grimm flopped back into the classroom. He ran up to Grimmchild and began to throttle him.

“Why would you tell your classmates that your father and I are DATING?!” Grimm shrieked as Grimmothy looked at him with visible confusion.

“I thought you two were dating?” Grimmchild replied, “Dad 2 told me that you guys were in a relationship.” Grimm turned around, fuming as the Nightmare King continued to eat his fried frogs. 

“Dhb ehwbh jwj wa siu neiw poe ufjknjihb niuji iov wn ifow eni ije io wkm ciwwn iijo eji vniwijnrjii iojewiufje uinefw inue i nenw if iow nife jiow jiov io ieo jiooje iejioj jewoi ioe je eoq iso,” muttered Mr. Mushroom because nobody had Spore Shroom equipped. 

The Nightmare King, not really caring what was going on, was still eating more frogs from the shoe. Grimm waddled over to him and kicked his shin, earning an “Ow,”from the Nightmare King.

“What?” The Nightmare King hissed as Grimm glared at him. “I did say that we were in a relationship, but I never specified what kind, so technically it’s not my fault.”

“Buzzsaw fetish man is coming to school today, the Radiance is very mad!” sang Grimmchild after floating in and out of the window, “He is going to ‘inspect’ the school and judge us like the idiot he is.” 

“I am not going to be hired,” Monomon said as she grabbed a tuba and tossed it at a Bright Pink Frog that was still alive and hopping around. “I’m calling in sick. Goodbye.”

“ _ I _ will!” said Lurien excitedly, “He’s going to hire people?! I’m going to be hired! Monomon, you should be GLAD that he’ll hire you! How did you know he was coming to hire people?” 

“Lurien the Stalker,” muttered Grimmchild under his breath, “Loves the Pale Thing so much that he will eat shoes for him.” The Nightmare King rolled his eyes, and threw another ruined flute into the Pile, roasting and pulling out some more Bright Pink Frogs. 

“The students somehow know the events of the Canon Hollow Knight Game. Yesterday they kept pestering me about ‘DO NOT THE HIRED PALE KILLED DEPRESSION ARE YOU QUIRREL WILL TO HAVE THE BY’ and that weird shiet,” replied Monoman, “Apparently if the Pale King hires me then Quirrel will die. They’ve also tried to ban lakes from Hallownest.” 

“Please get out of my classroom,” sighed Grimm as Monoman began reviewing the symptoms of a bad cold so she could fake being sick. Lurien shook his stupid lumpy head, excitedly thinking about the Pale Thing and something about the Pale Thing. The Nightmare King fried another 4 Bright Pink Frogs off of Hive Knight’s head and ate it. 

“No, we will not,” replied Jiji, “I will stay in this room and summon the regrets of the students. Eggs, please!” 

“WHEN THE FRICK DID YOU GET IN HERE!?” screeched Grimm, “GET OUT!” 

“NO!” screeched Jiji as she tossed an egg at Grimm. Grimm sighed before he slumped down onto his desk. 

“How do I make fake phlegm that looks so disgusting that anybody would immediately send me home because of how sick I am?” Monomon asked as she picked up some of Salubra’s slug slime from the floor.

“Ask Divine, she can curse you,” suggested Grimmchild, “She loves curses. If you ask, she’ll do it. The only problem is that she likes to mess around with the curses.” 

“It’s ironic how the only person who is actually competent and willing to listen to me is also the one who is almost the entire cause of whatever the heck is happening right now,” Grimm hissed as the Nightmare King shoved more Bright Pink Frogs into a boot so he could eat them later.

“If you so wish, I could leave,” the Nightmare King replied as he held out a cooked frog to Grimm, who took it from his hand and stuffed it into his mouth.

“No, you’re fine,” Grimm muttered as the Nightmare King hurled more broken instruments into the fat broken instruments pile. 

“Can I have my arms back?” asked Grimmchild, “It has been a long time since I have had my arms back. I would like the arms now.”   
  


“No, it has only been about an hour since they were taken away! You aren’t getting them back for a month!” retorted Grimm angrily. 

“And we have yet to have that talk about privacy and acknowledgment of that privacy,” The Nightmare King growled.

“No he doesn’t!” sang Marissa, flopping around in circles, “He can tell people whatever he wants! You don’t care! Let the stupid boy talk!” 

“I personally couldn’t give a hoot about what you crazy crackheads think of Grimm or me, as long as he isn’t hurt and neither is Grimmchild, then I could care less. However, Grimm does happen to care about his personal image and the amount of information about him and me that gets out, so that’s what I’m reinforcing,” The Nightmare King retorted as he stepped over Marissa, who was still flopping around the floor. 

“In other words, he looooooooooovvvves Grimm,” the Hive Knight squeaked, cackling crazily before getting shot by the Nightmare King. Grimm flopped over to the Hive Knight’s corpse and slapped it before stomping back to his desk. 

Hive Knight, clearly not getting the hint, waddled back into the crowded classroom, still singing, “They llllllllllooooooooovvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeee each otheeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrr!” Grimm threw the organ at Hive Knight, grabbed the Nightmare King’s gun, shot Hive Knight 38 times, shot his corpse 8 times, and finally jumped out the window, running away to who knows where. The Nightmare King hopped out of the window and chased after him, yelling about how he still has several classes. 

“Hey, Divine! GET YOUR FAT SLUG BEHIND UP HERE!” screeched Monomonomonomon, “CURSE ME WITH A BAD COLD! OR BRING mE A STUPID CURSED MANGO! EITHER IS FINE!” Divine grinned, flopping up the stairs like a ballerina on drugs dancing on a lake made out of slimy bird poop. 

“What do you need? How many? ARE YOU GOING TO FEED CURSED MANGOES TO THE STUDENTS?” Divine grinned, eating some Geo and rocks from the floor.

“No, I’m trying to call out sick because the stupid Pale Thing is coming to inspect this dump that we call a school,” Monomon replied as Divine ate more rocks and sand. Divine looked at her for a few moments before speaking.

“You serious?”

“Yep.”

Divine then grabbed a mango and muttered a curse before splitting it in two and handing it to Monomon.

“Thanks!” Monomon then shoved the mango into her mouth and began coughing and hacking up balls of phlegm like she was a dead dying rhinoceros in 2021 that caught Covid. Divine soon followed in suit before they flopped out of Grimm’s classroom to find the Radiance so that they could skip smelly teaching. 

“Why are you both sick? There has been no disease going around in the school, other than the Infection, which is completely normal and definitely doesn’t do anything! What is wrong with you?” said the Radiance, “That’s not good. I’ll need to find substitutes!” 

“Well,” Momonon coughed, “I don’t know either, but you’d better send us home, or else we’ll infect the students with this stupid cold!” She coughed, and Divine copied her because the Pale Thing is stupid. Suddenly, the Nightmare King came tumbling into the Principal’s office, carrying Grimm who was flopping around in his arms like a drowning fish. 

“I. AM. IN. LABOR!!!!!!!” shrieked Grimm as he threw up a Grimmchild. “LET ME GO THE REST OF THE DAY OFF!”

“You’re  _ always _ in labor!” yelled the Radiance as Grimm continued to hack and cough up Grimmchildren. 

“I am so concerned about Grimm because he is in labor and I care about him,” the Nightmare King said in a very monotonous voice as Grimm convulsed in his arms. “I am super worried.”

“I AM STILL (COUGH) COUGHING SHOULDN’T YOU LET ME GO HOME? OR I WILL INFECT THE WHOLE STAFF!” Monomonomonoman screeched, coughing up phlegm like a fish trying to inhale sand, “(COUGH) COME ON LOOK, OH NO I COUGHED ON THE FLOOR NOW ANYONE WHO STEPS ON THERE WILL BE INFECTED YOU’D BETTER LET ME GO HOME!” 

“ME too!!!” shrieked Divine, making a weird noise that was a cross of diarrhea and coughing and choking madly, “I am choking (cough)ON MY SPIT BECAUSE I AM SICK!!1!1!.!”

“Oh my,” said Grimm, “They must go home and so must I we must be getting sick oh no I need to go to the hospital because I cannot give birth because I am catching a cold-”

“YOU KNOW WHAT?!” The Radiance angrily slapped a tin can full of the Mawlek food that she was eating onto her desk in a fit of anger. “ALL OF YOU GO HOME! I DON’T CARE! THE PALE THING CAN gO EAT A CHALKBOARD OR SOMETHING!” 

“We can’t continue teaching, principal, and now that Grimm is sick I need to take him to the hospital! It is so “terrible” that I cannot meet the Pale Piece of shiet! Goodbye!” The Nightmare King snapped, and he and Grimm disappeared. The Radiance muttered something to herself as Monomon and Divine continued to hack up wads of spit and green phlegm because they were both oh so terribly sick. 

“Hello, students and teachers, I apologize for the late announcement.” the Radiance’s voice blared through the school with the noises of Monomon and Divine throwing up behind her. “As all of you might have known, the Pale Creature will be visiting our school for a small so-called inspection. Due to some casualties and disruptions, we will be letting all of you out early so that he can inspect the school however he may want to. All of the teachers and students are dismissed.” Sighing, the Radiance then turned off the loudspeakers.

Some students left, but Blossom volunteered to clog the toilets first. Then, Blossom left as well. All the teachers soon quickly cleared out of the school grounds, fake coughing and yelling at each other about how their smelly day has been. However, quite a handful of teachers stayed behind to meet the Pale King with the Radiance. 

Meanwhile, the Pale Thing was acting like a drunk stupid slug thing. 

“Hello, Radiance. I would like to see your staff.”

“Go eat a chalkboard. They’re all sick and they need to go to the hospital.” 

“Then I will be examining the school. Come along, Hollow Knight.” The Pale Thing flopped down the stairs majestically like he was a drunk whale in the desert. 

Lurien, who had not evacuated, screeched, “Hello, your majesty!” The Radiance scowled. 

“You were dismissed because everyone was sick. Go away, now, you do not want to infect the stupid not nice man, do you?” 

“I am  _ not _ sick!” protested Lurien the Stalker indignantly, “I want to talk to the Pale King!” 

“Let me talk to him, he doesn’t seem infected,  _ Radiance _ ,” said the Pale Thing. 

“I want somebody to kill me,” said the Hollow Knight as they looked sadly at the Radiance. “Do you have any Tap Dancing classes?”

“Why yes, I do,” the Radiance said to the Hollow Knight who was supposed to be hollow but clearly was not. “Also, do you need mental help? I would ask Grimm to counsel you, but he’s at the hospital giving birth right now.”

“Grimm is a guy, how is he supposed to give birth? THIS PROVES THAT YOU AND YOUR SCOHOL ARE STEWPID!!!! ANd YOU, HOLLOW! DO NOT THE SPEAK!” screeched the Pale Thing, snatching Hollow away from the ‘evil’ (she is not evil in this stupid fanfic rn) Radiance and heading down the stairs to talk to the smelly Lurien. 

“Ha ha,” said the Radiance, “I’m going to make the Nightmare King go after you because you insulted Grimm.” 

“That is not scary for me, you idiot moth! I have the power of the V O I D on my side! And another Higher Being! And an army of stupid Kingsmoulds!” 

“I have the same, although my army is students and not Kingsmoulds. Vessels are quite terrifying if you use them correctly. Also, have you ever heard of 828928 Primal Aspids? I can call Grimmchild to demonstrate. The Nightmare King has more, but he is helping Grimm give birth,” replied the Radiance, slapping Lurien. 

“How doesth thou help another give birth?” Godseeker wondered aloud as Lurien tumbled up the flight of stairs and landed on the Pale Thing’s toenail. 

“He shoves his hand down Grimm’s throat and pulls the child out,” the Radiance replied, giving Godseeker a horrible mental image. 

“Cringe,” Godseeker muttered as she wrote something down in her notebook. 

“ _ You’re _ cringe,” said the sewer pipes. 

“Blossom, stop! You were supposed to leave!” the Radiance scolded, then whispered to Blossom the sewer pipe, “Wait, are you going to wait until the Pale Thing uses it? Oh, yes, good idea. Stay, then.” 

“The aren’t the foot.” asked Grey Prince Hornet (this is not hornet, it is a grey prince hornet. It is not a student.) as she kicked the Pale Thing down another flight of platforming with her toe. 

“What is it with your staff members? Teach them some manners!’ shrieked the Pale Thing as he picked up a buzzsaw and shoved it into his smelly eye socket. 

“How are you alive? You’re supposed to be a painting,” Herrah said sleepily as Grey Prince Hornet ran around screaming about how hot Bretta was or something. 

“Oh hi do you want to get paid for being in a coma?” asked the Pale Thing while Lurien nodded and pointed to himself with his foot. 

“No,” said Herrah before she lumbered back into her lightless classroom and fell asleep, snoring louder than Grimm when he hadn’t slept for fifty years. 

“You can’t bribe her with anything either since she already has a Hortnet,” Lurien said as Herrah slammed the door to her classroom shut. The Pale King sighed.

“I suppose not…” he muttered. “But there must be some other way for me to hire these idiots other than you, I need more staff so that I can actually convince people that my school is better!”

“Maybe you and the Radiance can run the school together and combine your ideas so that there’ll be a larger school with more opportunities and more teachers so that there’ll be a lot of students to teach? And also so that the students have more classes and stuff to pick from?” the Hollow Knight suggested as the Radiance handed them a pamphlet of Tap Dancing classes. “You know, so you can settle your differences and have a school that would both be good for you AND the Radiance?” 

“NO!” screeched the Pale Thing, making the Hollow Knight jump and drop the pamphlet that the Radiance had just passed to them. “YOU ARE NOT TO HAVE A VOICE TO SPEAK, AND OPINION TO SAY, OR A FOOT TO DRAW! AND EVEN IF YOU WERE TO HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, THAT IS THE WORST IDEA I HAVE EVER HEARD!” Godseeker wrote down several things onto her notebook, scribbling down notes and stuff madly as the Pale Thing continued to freak out.

“Hollow hast some valorous suggestions, but thou father is too narrow-minded to pay heed…” Godseeker muttered as she scribbled down more notes.

“Waiiiiiiiiiiiiiii did Le’mer fire Che?” cried the Grey Che Lump, “WAIIIIIIII????” 

“You tried to quit!!” screeched the Pale Thing. The Grey Lump paused her wailing for a moment before huffing.

“So I did! ‘Che couldn’t tolerate another blasphemous request of ‘tis mindless Pale Thing!” the Grey Lump said before walking over to the Radiance. “May ‘che offer to work under Le’mer for that of well-paid service? ‘Che is very good at gardening as well as botanical studies and fencing!”

“Well, I can’t see why not,” the Radiance replied as she handed Ze’mer a pamphlet for the school. “We could use more teachers and I have no doubt that you would be a delightful addition to our staff.” Ze’mer smiled before waddling away to the Queen’s Gardens so that she could tell Thalia all about her amazing new job of teaching smelly students. 

“I am a tree!” Isma announced cheerfully as she bounded in after the screeching Pale Thing, who was still yelling about how ugly the school looked.

“Yes you are, dear!” Dung Defender yelled as he played more weird songs on his trumpet. 

“I will the drink the tree tears,” said SOAP. 

“I thought you went home?” the Radiance asked as SOAP rolled around like a dying fish. “Today was a half-day, remember?”

“AHA! SO YOU ARE INCOMPEtENT!” the Pale Thing screeched as SOAP bit his toes off, leaving them as small bloody stumps. “TODAY IS NOT A HOLIDAY!”

“National Pale Thing Avoidance Day,” the Radiance said crossly as she handed an enrollment pamphlet to Hollow. The Pale Thing scoffed.

“That is not a holiday!” he shrieked while sneering. 

“Actually, thy is,” Godseeker replied from behind her notebooks.

“As for confirmation, I do agree, it was made official... Oh wow, just today!” Isma exclaimed as Dung Defender pinned a bunch of paper that said it was National Pale Thing Avoidance Day to the school’s bulletin board. The Pale Thing pondered for a moment before shrugging.

“I guess it is a holiday, then…” the Pale Thing muttered as he continued to go around the school, desperately trying and failing to find many flaws. 

“Hollow come here and live in the sewers with us to celebrate National Pale Thing Avoidance Day!” screeched Blossom and SOAP with the other 83 vessels in the sewers. 

“I have stage tree cancar,” stated Jake. Hollow happily jumped down into the sewers with their other siblings because they were tired of their stupid father who kept yelling at them to not have a mind to eat toenails or sawbuzzes. 

“GET BAKC HEAR YOU STUPED PEESE OF VOID!! THIS IS WHY I WANTED A LIVING BUZZSAW!” Austin, who had eaten 29 cursed oranges to become one with the sawbuzz, rolled over to the Pale Thing and started screaming loudly into his ears, making them bleed. 

“Wow this is exactly what I want, sell me the buzzsaw child now I want it,” said the Pale Fork Thing That is the Literal Embodiment of Satan or Something. 

“Lacecececesseeesssss iiisssisisisississsss VVOIIIDDD??” asked SOAP as Hollow crawled into the sewers with their siblings, “ARE THE know the Lace VOID you do?” Hollow shrugged. They were just as confused as SOAP was.

“Voiiididiidd!” repeated Koi, “Lacece VO I D!” Moi nodded, then cracked her face on the pipe. Blossom, hearing toilet noises, crawled up to the toilet and clogged it. 

“Does the Pale Thing even defecate? Does Grimm defecate? DOES THE NIGHTMARE KING TAKE ANY SHITS?” screeched Hollow as they had an existential and defecational crisis. 

“The yes Pale,” answered Blossom as she clogged the other 7 toilets in the male’s bathrooms. The Pale Thing was heard yelling about ‘why is the toilet clogged’. 

“Dad can’t poop, he only has 4 holes, that being his eyes, his mouth, and butthole for some reason,” Grimmothy said as he randomly popped into the sewers. 

“E has a buthole?” Afro asked, confused because according to Koi, Grimm does not have a butthole. 

“I actually don’t know, I never asked him,” Grimmchild replied, “But I do know that he and Dad 2 usually eat flames, so… Also, if they eat anything other than flames, then it kinda works as something to like keep the fire burning. That’s why we sometimes shovel charcoal and stuff into our mouths, like how earlier Dad 2 randomly picked up a tiktik and ate it alive. I think that he just barfs out the ashes or something, but he doesn’t actually make any poop or pee or anything.”

“You and your dads are weird,” Ivy remarked as Grimmchild kicked the sewer’s wall because he was bored.

“I am quite aware,” Grimmothy replied before turning around to throw up some ash onto a vessel’s head. The vessel, who was Jake, turned around and spat Void on Grimmchild’s face. Hollow started getting backaches because they were too fat vertically for the stupid pipe, so they had to keep crawling. Meanwhile, Blossom kept hopping in and out, giving very fun updates like, “the father is screaming and punching the the toilets,” and “The the the.” 

“That still doesn’t explain how you’re alive, Grimmothy,” Zara said as Hollow tried to get up, only to bang their head onto the top of the pipe and fall down. 

“Oh, right. Earlier, while Dad 1 and Dad 2 were running out of the classroom screeching and trying to come up with a plan to avoid PK, Dad 1 told me that Dad 2 has something to do with it. I tried to ask Dad 2, but he just told me the same thing about how since he is a God or whatever, he can do whatever he wants, blah blah blah, even if Grimm is able to throw up a kid even though he’s a boy.”

“I mean sure, but then why would PK the stupid marry the White Woman if he can just... THrow up children? Is it a Pale Being thing that doesn’t let them throw up children?” 

“Don’t ask me, I’m not the offspring of the smelly Pale Thing! Here, ask this stupid,” Grimmothy then grabbed Moi and plopped her in front of Zara. 

“THE CHERRY TEMA!!” screeched Moi, who didn’t really know either, “THE THE CHERRY TEMA!!! THEM ASK ME NOT!!!” 

“Can is are impregnathe other person, but NOT themself!” Koi shrieked back as she tossed a sock at Grimmchild. “CAN CAN!!!!!”

“What,” said Zara, “I cannot understand these idiots.” (“IDIOTS!! YES YES THAT IS US!” replied the vessels.) 

“Damn,” Grimmothy muttered. “So you’re saying that Dad 2 literally just walked up to Dad 1 and hit him with the ‘you’re pregnant now’ trope thing? Except it’s technically…. Not pregnancy?”

“Makes sense,” said Tiso, when it did not make any sense at all. 

“Wait, wait! I must write this all down!” Quirrel cried as he scrambled around, trying to find a piece of paper that was not damp. 

“You know what? I’m just going to ask Dad 2 about the whole procedure when I get home,” Grimmchild muttered. “This is too complicated for my liking.”

“Write down notes for me, alright?” Quirrel asked as he tried to find some dry paper. 

“Wait, we can ask them right now!” cried the Pale Lurker.

“Pardon, but how?” asked Tiso. “Neither Grimm nor his boyfriend is here-” Before Tiso could finish his sentence, Grimm’s portal reappeared and his hand reached out to slap Tiso’s fat face.

“WE ARE  _ NOT _ BOYFRIENDS!” Grimm screeched as Grimmothy flopped over and bit Grimm’s arm to pull him out of the portal.

“Not yet, we aren’t,” the Nightmare King muttered before he too was slapped by Grimm. 

“Aw, listen to the old men arguing over the status of their possibly existent love life!” said Pale Lurker, while getting slapped by Grimm’s stupid crusty hand. 

“Sshaw,” whispered Hornet, throwing 329 needles at Lace’s face, then moving over to SOUP to throw Weaverlings at their face as well. SOP yelped and threw 4 Glowing Womb thingies at Honret in retaliation. Meanwhile, the Pale Thing was still shrieking up above about how clogged the toilets were. The Radiance, who was listening from the roof, cackled like a drunk hyena. 

  
“Zote,” said Zote.

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“Shut up,” commanded a very annoyed Sharpe, who threw Zote up out the toilet, causing the Pale Thing to jump up and scream in terror at the Toilet Monster Zote. The students chuckled to themselves, because nobody liked Stupid Pale Demented Fork Man. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeah so apparently Grimm throws up children thru nk's spit

After screaming for 7 minutes straight, the Pale Thing found that the toilet thing was in fact a stupid student who was tossed up from the very clogged toilet. He angrily stomped over to confront the Radiance about the smelly Zote monster that was stuck up the toilet. Down below, Grimm was still screaming and slapping people while Grimmchild and several others were trying to pull him out of the portal so that he could tell them the secrets of how to throw up stinky children. Suddenly, Grimm was dislodged from the portal due to most of the students pulling him. Grimm landed face-first on top of Grimmchild who immediately started shrieking that his fat fathers were too fat and they had to get off immediately.

“GET OFF ME!!” yelled Grimmchild as he flapped around, trying to wriggle out from underneath Grimm. 

“I’M TRyinG!” Grimm screeched back angrily, “BUT YOUR oTHER STUpID FATHER IS ON TOP OF ME!”

“I would get up, but the ceiling is too low,” the Nightmare King replied, clearly quite bored because nobody was getting killed. Making no move to get off, he examined his fingers as Grimm and Grimmchild screamed at him to get off. 

“OFF!” Grimm shrieked madly, sounding quite similar to some lady that was 390840983490 feet above yelling at a centipede that was crawling around her roof. “GET OFF ME, YOU FAT INSOLATE PRICK!”

“I’m not fat, you are,” the Nightmare King snarked hotly as the students observed this very entertaining predicament. “And nobody ever does anything without being asked politely, so unless you stop pelting me with insults, I’m not going to even try to get off.” With his last retort, the Nightmare King flopped onto Grimm, making both Grimm and Grimmothy start yodeling even louder than ever.

“What the Joth,” asked Scuttle. 

“YOUR FAT FACE IS ON TOP OF ME, I CAN’T SEE!” whined Grimmchild as Grimm kept screaming at the Nightmare King, who was still not moving. The students, deciding that it would be better to help the screeching pile of arms and fire ran up to the Nightmare King and tried to pull him off. The Nightmare King stared at them, his face looking like that of someone who was completely done with all the stupid people’s bullshaw. He sighed, resting his head on his hand while Grimm continued to yell at him.

“Can’t you just crawl backward so that Grimm could get up?” Quirrel asked the Nightmare King who still looked quite disinterested.

“Well I would, but I don’t exactly appreciate being called a fat insolent prick,” the Nightmare King said as Grimm tried to push him off. 

“Dad 2, PLEASE just get off before I suffocate and die,” Grimmchild shrieked as Grimm continued to try and knock the Nightmare King off of his back. The Nightmare King rolled his eyes before using his cloak tendrils to restrain Grimm. Once he had done so, he sat up against the pipe’s walls before pulling Grimm off of Grimmchild, who flapped away happily because he was finally free. 

“What the heck?” Grimm hissed at the Nightmare King, who still had his tendrils wrapped tightly around Grimm. “I do appreciate you FINALLY getting off of me, but why must I be restrained?”

“To prevent you from slapping anybody,” the Nightmare King replied as he tapped against the pipe’s walls. “Say, is the Pale Thing gone yet? I left one of my favorite guitars up there, and I’m afraid that the Pale Creature might eat it.”

“NOT!” yelled Blossom from a toilet up above, “NOT GONE! STILL THERE!”

“Hm. Have you deployed any Anti-Pale Thing measures?” 

“CLOG!” 

“Oh, is that why he is yelling so loudly? And why the hell is the Hollow Knight here?” 

“I did not want to hang out with him,” replied Hollow, pointing upwards to the stupid Pale Demented Fork Buzzsaw Fetish Thing, “He is not very good company. It is not pleasant to have someone yell at you every time you try to talk or throw your siblings into the Abyss because they did something wrong.” 

“That is true, I can’t imagine why the White Woman would marry that thing,” replied the Nightmare King, “Hey, vessel. Can you make the toilet overflow?” 

“YSE YSE!! A++++++++++++++++??” declared Blossom cheerfully, “++++++??” 

The Nightmare King nodded. 

“Yes, you will get a very high grade for the rest of the year if you ruin the Pale Thing’s day.” Hearing that, Blossom squealed gleefully and slid up the pipe, going to clog the stupid toilets and flood the restroom. 

“Anyways, if we don’t get out of this stupid pipe thing, I am going to fling fireballs at all of you. Including Grimm,” said the Nightmare King, “Even Grimm.” 

“But I am pregnant, you can’t hit me,” protested Grimm, before the Nightmare King said, 

“No, you are not pregnant. You either give birth for 3 seconds, or you’re having a heart attack from the stupid students being more stupid than usual.” 

“What,” said Hollow, not really sure whether the students or the teachers of this school were more insane. Blossom nudged Hollow, demonstrating how to clog 87 toilets at once, and Hollow decided that their siblings were the most incredibly insane beings in Hallownest, other than the Pale Thing, who had a buzzsaw fetish. 

“Are you and Grimm matesssss?” Zemmoth asked the Nightmare King who watched as the Hollow Knight tried and failed to successfully clog a toilet. Grimm opened his mouth to scream something before the Nightmare King’s cloak tendril slapped around his mouth to prevent him from blowing up on poor Zemmoth. 

“That completely depends,” the Nightmare King said smoothly as Grimm continued to thrash around. “We have a child, we’ve been bound to each other for about 683 years or so, we sleep literally embraced in each other's arms, and we have indeed done some very not school appropriate things together. What do you gather, though?”

“So… you ARE mates?” Zemmoth asked, still very confused.

“Nope!” The Nightmare King replied cheerfully before uncovering Grimm’s mouth. 

“WHAT THE FU **_DOMA_ **CK, NIGHTMARE KING?!” Grimm shrieked. “WHY WOULD YOU-”

“I didn’t give out much information, and it’s pretty much info that’s been known all throughout the school anyhow, Grimm,” the Nightmare King replied, cutting Grimm off. “Literally everyone here thinks that we are mates. Sometimes even _I_ think that I’m your mate, although you clearly despise the idea for some odd reason.” Grimm was silent as he pondered his thoughts. The Nightmare King smirked before turning around to face the children, who were stunned. 

“By not school appropriate, he means ‘Grimm giving birth during class’, and ‘shooting Hive Knight 87 times a minute’,” informed Grimmchild, “And ‘Grimm jumping out the window because he is committing Hollow Knight Boss Battle Phase 2 With Music Change. Dad needs to be banned from using guns, he keeps using the ammo on himself.’” 

“Actually,” muttered the Nightmare King, “I mean something completely different.” Moi turned around and chucked a book at the Nightmare King.

“KIIIIIIID FRIENDLY!” she shrieked.

“WHATTT???!! I’M NOT EVEN SAYING WHAT IT WAS?!”

“At this point, we could stop censoring cuss words and nobody would even notice because of whatever the fuck you two are writing,” muttered Hollow, “And if you’re wondering, the Pale King is still there and he is very angry. He’s above Dung Defender.” 

“At this point, I think you should all know that if you’re going to annoy Dad 2, do it today because he is in a good mood because Blossom is making His Majesty King of the Stupid Toilets really angry. If he’s in a bad mood he’ll fry your toenails off one by one or something,” suggested Grimmchild as the class kept getting confused about whether Grimm and the Nightmare King were in a relationship or not. 

“Is he gone yet?” asked Quirrel, “I would really like to get out of here.” He began scribbling more stupid notes on damp paper as Moi tried to throw Hammer at Cedrin. 

“No you idiot, did you hear Hollow? He is still there!” complained Lace as Honret smacked her face viciously with her bendy needle, “And I need to get out of here! My head is soggy with sewer water!”  
  


“Then get out of here and go home, you idiot assassin!” screeched Tiso, glaring at the roof like it was untrustworthy and would make Molly fall on him. 

“Dad 2, can you please tell me how the heck Dad 1 is able to throw me up? And this time, could you actually explain it instead of just saying that you can do whatever because you’re a Higher Being?” Grimmchild asked, fluttering around the Nightmare King as Grimm vigorously shook his head. 

“NO!” screamed Grimm.

“Why not? Isn’t it education?” the Nightmare King asked. “I see literally no reason as to why they aren’t allowed to know. After all, Grimmothy is getting around that age. Speaking of which, so are the rest of these poor excuses of children! I would be quite surprised if you didn’t know the basics of how children are made.”

“Hgow are children made the,” Jake said intelligently. God Tamer tapped on Jake’s shoulder before making a rather… interesting hand motion to demonstrate, resulting in Jake becoming even more confused.

“WHAAATTT?????” Jake shrieked.

“Sex, you dumbass child,” the Nightmare King snarked as he hit Jake over the head. “You all really are stupid! What have the health teachers been doing all this time?”

“Not, actually,” replied Grimm, “The Nightmare King spits fire in a cup and then I drink it and throw up the Child. Why are we talking about this? This is a school fanfic, not a document about Grimmchild and his stupid fathers who are the the the the I don’t even know anymore!” 

“No, not us! The other stupid bugs! You and I are literally the only bugs in Hallownest who have children this way! Literally everyone else either does it through intercourse, or they summon the Pale Thing and bribe him with a buzzsaw so that he can toss a vessel into their eyeball!”

“Oh, is that what I am?” asked Hornet, “But I am clearly not a stupid smelly vessel!” she slapped Lace, who was still whining about stupid soggy slimy gross water. Sharpe complained as well, as Trobbio started screaming about how when Silksong was released they could go back home and stop being stupid. 

“Face it kid, you probably were created that way, except your mom probably offered more buzzsaws or something,” the Nightmare King growled at Hornet while Grimm continued to struggle, still being trapped by the Nightmare King’s stupid cloak tendrils. 

“This is so much information!” exclaimed Quirrel as he frantically tried to write everything down using the soggy paper. “Does Grimm have a womb or egg inside of his stomach that your spit fertilizes through the process? Wouldn’t it be faster just to connect your mouths together instead of spitting into a cup?” The Nightmare King blinked slowly and Grimm stopped struggling to look at Quirrel incredulously. 

“The child is born from flame,” the Nightmare King said slowly, “I cannot hold the child in my own body because I am not… mortal, to say the least. Therefore, I plant the child inside of Grimm’s body, resulting in him having to bear the child for me.” 

“That was a very ew thing that I did not need to know,” said Grimmchild. “Dad 1 and Dad 2 slobbering all over each other’s faces in order for Dad 1 to throw up a smelly whiny child? Yeah, that’s pretty weird, but not as weird as some bugs, I guess.” 

“Am stupid?” asked Dave, “Are the I stupid am? The otehrs stupieder then I the still even stupid though am I.” 

“I SAID I SPIT IN A CUP!” screeched the Nightmare King, “AND YES, YOU ARE A SMELLY WHINY CHILD!” He threw a fireball and 2 tubas at Grimmchild, before Hive Knight started screeching about ships and ships and more stupid ships. 

“Your are ship will sinked like the Titanic,” Afro said to Hive Knight. Hive Knight slapped Afro and screamed something about Grimm and the Nightmare King being awesome together or something. 

“Whta is the Tinantic?” asked SOUP, “WTAH the is TIANTISC?” SOP looked around the room in confusion, repeating, “THE IS WHTA TIANTIC??” 

“The ship is not sailing or sinking, it is stuck on land and going backward onto a train track,” muttered Grimmchild, “Now let’s stop talking about stupid ships that don’t even work.”

“Wait, but you didn’t answer why you can’t just kiss and get it over with instead of spitting in a cup?” Quirrel asked the Nightmare King who was grumbling something about spare guitars being needed so that he could throw one at SOAP’s head to fix their brain damage. Moi responded with something about then he needed more guitars than that so he could fix everyone’s brain damage. 

“Because once upon a time I kissed Grimmchild’s father and he told me that he was asexual,” the Nightmare King snarked, rolling his eyes at Quirrel who began viciously writing down everything he was saying like a stupid person who was interviewing some homeless guy who chopped off a child’s toe and threw it into a grill. “I, unlike some stupid people respect Grimm’s wishes, therefore I didn’t connect mouths with him again.”

“That’s a lie, I saw Grimm slobbering over your face like a day ago,” Grimmchild said as Grimm screeched and tossed a boot and tuba at him.

“I do not know what you are talking about,” the Nightmare King said monotonously as Grimm continued to freak out.

“Wow look it is a school shooting star” said the Pale Lurker, “cool, right? I heard that if you wish on one then your school will suffer a school shooting!” 

“Then who has been wishing on like 39 of those a day from our school?” asked Cedrin, staring at the Nightmare King, who shrugged. 

“I wish someone would shoot me,” said Hollow, “Please have a school shooting at my school, _pleeassse_! Shoot me!” 

“I can do that,” the Nightmare King offered, “Would you like to be shot a lot, or one fatal bullet through your head?”

“One fatal shot please,” Hollow said as the Nightmare King loaded his rifle. 

“How can we see stars, we’re in the sewers with no open air talking about how the Nightmare King spits on Grimm’s face so that he can throw up children,” Scuttle muttered. “This fic makes no sense, and why hasn’t the Pale Thing left yet?” 

“There is a stupid window for some reason, look over here,” said Ivy, yelping as Hollow got shot in the face and died. As Hollow died, their Shade said, “Hooray, my wish was granted.” They were now floating around as a Shade, because apparently being shot was nice. 

“What the actual fu **shaw** ck,” asked Moi, “Did the we seriously just write half a chapter about stupid reproduction with the Nightmare King and Grimm in a fanfiction? How severe is our brain damage?” 

“I do not the know,” replied Koi, “One hundred thousand million billion trillion percent?” 

“Why,” asked Grimm miserably, “Would you write this?” 

“I am going to play the Pale King’s least favorite song on the trumpet but with screaming sound effects. Who wants to join me for the screaming?” asked Drug Defender, as 29 of the children started screaming. ‘Two Stupid Moths, One on Fire and the Other Drinking Orange Juice’ started playing on the stupid trumpet as Dung Defender blew into it because that’s how trumpets work. Grimm was still trapped. Dave drew a picture of the Radiance and Nightmare King T-posing on the Pale Thing. 

“There was actually a folktale in my village that if you misbehaved, every month on the full moon a fork-like figure would appear inside of your dreams and drag you away to a land of misery and suffering,” Zara said as Dung Defender continued to blow into the trumpet. “Now that I think about it, it sounds a lot like the mantises trying to make the Pale Thing out as an evil figure of some sort.” 

“StoP!” screeched Grimm, as he was released by the Nightmare King, “QUIT ThAT!” 

THe class started screeching as Grimmchild whispered something about ships that were upside down and sailing backward on train tracks. Grimm ran up the pipe and onto the ceiling. 

“You kids are driving me up the wall!” Grimm screeched angrily as he ran around in circles upside down on the ceiling, “Stop it!! You too, Nightmare King!” 

“Me two,” declared Hammer, hooking onto Grimm’s foot and hanging upside-down like Little Fool, looking partially like the ship that is still upside down somewhere. Grimm fell off the ceiling because the fat vessel’s hammer head thing kept growing and getting heavier. 

“Thed shipped willed sinked liked the tataniced,” muttered Afro, “evened fastered thened thed Grimmed fallinged downed.” 

“What is a ship !” Grimm screamed as he landed on the Nightmare King’s fat head.

“Us,” the Nightmare King responded as Grimm’s face fell off and landed on his arm.

“It is going to sail!” screeched Hive Knight like a banjo, “IT’S SAILING!”

“The ship is sailing upside down and it is stuck to a bird,” replied Grimmchild, “It is sailing, but that doesn’t mean it is sailing correctly. It is sailing upside down and is now stuck on the top of a tree.” 

“Ii i i i i i i i i ii ii ii i i i i i i i i i ii i i ,” screeched Dave, sounding somewhat like a very drunk rooster in Argentina, “Plale Thingy still up on Lurien’s wrinkly foured horn head.” 

“Zote,” said Zote.

“Zote,” said Zote.

“Zote,” said Zote.

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“Curse you two wads of dirt for writing this fanfiction,” quacked Grimm. He then made a lot of maggot noises that sounded like a mix between diarrhea and drowning noises. Brumm gave Grimm his stupid medicine. 

“You drank too much Lifeblood, Master. That made you give birth to the Child, causing the Child to grow up into you but with permanent Lifeblood brain damage. Mrmm,” said Brumm as he handed Grimm some brain damage medicine. Moi ran over and tried to get brain damage medicine as well for her and Koi. 

“Stop drinking while pregnant,” the Nightmare King said as he bonked Grimm’s head with a stick taped to Koi’s forehead.

“I am never pregnant,” retorted Grimm, “I am either giving birth or not pregnant or anything! And I wasn’t drinking, I don’t know why I have stupid Lifeblood brain damage! This isn’t even supposed to happen because Grimmchild and I are separate entities!” 

“I have a few theories, Grimm. Somebody may have spiked your drink while you weren’t looking because they wanted to get their revenge. Mrmm. Someone who you’ve told consistently to stop poisoning the children, so she poisoned you instead. Mrmm.” 

“Divine? Yeah, probably her, but at the same time, it could be you who poisoned me, Brumm. However, you are most likely correct. I see no reason as to why you would think to intoxicate me considering that I am the one who technically adopted you.” Grimm took the medicine from Brumm’s hand and inspected it cautiously before consuming it.

“Brumm speaks the truth,” muttered the Nightmare King. Grimm looked at the Nightmare King questioningly. 

“And how may you know that?”

“A spell. It does help to be the God of Nightmares. I have a… limb or two to rip from Divine.” The Nightmare King growled as the stupid students in the background flopped around like beached melon trees after washing up from the well where they once lived. Brumm made a noise of confusion, because melon trees did not flop around, nor do they live in a well. 

“Didn’t you like say you were pregnant when the Nightmare King said he was going to throw fireballs at everyone?” Finette asked, her sentence ending midway because Grimm slapped his hand around her mouth. 

“Blob,” asked Tape Recorder, “Blob, blob, blob, blob, blob, blob, blob, blob, blob.” 

“I stabs the blob,” replied SOAP, sitting on Tape Recorder’s face and falling upside down onto the floor of the smelly and slimy pipes again. 

“I am the blob,” stated the Hollow Knight, “I am now dead.” 

“You’re dead, you don’t count. The Nightmare King shot you like 3 minutes ago! Your lifeless body is on a bench somewhere while your Shade is following us around!” screeched SOP, while Grimmchild asked, 

“Hey Dad 1, why the heck are you still upside down?” 

“I do not want to gravity,” replied Grimm, floating out the window, falling to the bottom of the garden, and cracking his head open. Grimmchild stared at him, wondering if Grimm was still alive. His stupid unspoken question was answered when he morphed into Grimm, turned upside-down, and flew out the window again. 

The newly reincarnated Grimm was yanked back into the sewers.   
  


“At least give birth to Grimmchild before you crack your face again, you moron,” snapped the Nightmare King as fiercely as a dead ant, “If you are going to die, then have the stupid Grimmchild, or else you will literally die. It’s better to die than die, so you need to give birth to Grimmchild.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad, I want to die,” Grimm muttered as the Nightmare King fished around in his mouth, trying to find if there were any more children or if he had to spit in a cup again and throw it down Grimm’s throat.

“What actually happens if Grimm dies without a Grimmothy to replace him?” Quirrel asked as he promptly ran out of stupid soggy paper to write more smelly notes about reproduction.

“Then I have to go through this stupid process of piecing his body together,” the Nightmare King hissed. “If you want, I can demonstrate it right now.” Not waiting for Quirrel’s response, the Nightmare King slashed Grimm’s neck, basically beheading him as Grimm immediately died. The Nightmare King then rubbed some of Grimm’s hemolymph onto his hands before muttering a weird spell and closing up all of the wounds that were inflicted. 

The moment Grimm was completely healed, the Nightmare King smacked his face and shouted, “WAKE UP!” Grimm opened his eyes and jolted up, glaring at the Nightmare King.

“At least WARN me before doing that,” he snapped. “Now you’re gonna have to spit in a cup again or something because the stupid flames are lost!” The Nightmare King rolled his eyes as Quirrel desperately scrambled around, trying to find any paper that he could use to write down the totally amazing spell thingy that he just witnessed. 

“eW if you two are gonna slobber all over each other’s nostrils, at least do it in private or something. Nobody wants to see that nasty exchange, least of all your own son,” Grimmchild whined, “That’s disgusting!” 

“The Child is over there, so can I roll out the window, or do I have to throw another piano at you?” asked Grimm, “Or, am I going to have to some stupid fire bat thing and fly out that window and drop myself?” 

“I forbid Grimm from jumping out the window again,” said the Nightmare King, rolling his eyes at the vessels who were cracking their heads open with can openers in the corner. Grimm heard this and started shrieking in misery, the volume rivaling that of the stupid screeching Thing upstairs screaming about clogged toilets. 

“Vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv,” buzzed Blender, giving each student in the room a heart attack as the Buzzsaw Vessel sat on Chair’s face. Chair started screaming as well, as their face was getting poked by stupid fake razors. 

“Does anybody have a spare cup?” The Nightmare King asked as Grimmchild continued to whine about stupid people slobbering on top of each other. The Cup vessel groaned and started running away. 

Grimm picked it up, saying, “It’s my job to jump out the window, not yours, you stupid vessel.” Right as Grimm was about to hand the screaming Cup Vessel to the Nightmare King, the Piano Vessel fell through the roof and landed on Tiso, who was still being crushed by fat Molly the stupid Mawlek. Cup took everyone’s surprise as an opportunity to wriggle out of Grimm’s stupid smelly hand. Before anybody could grab them, they shot themself using the Nightmare King’s rifle and flopped over, dead.

“Great, now what?” Grimm asked. “I refuse to smack my untainted, flawless mouth against your stupid, crusty, bad-breathed eating hole that you call your mouth.” 

“Ego is me like very his, it’s me like,” stated FAT the vessel. 

“Shut UP, FAT!” Grimm shrieked as he slapped FAT across their stupid spiky head. 

“With the number of insults that you’ve spewed about these past couple pages, I wouldn’t want to kiss you either. However, it is either this or I’ll be keeping all my food to myself, and you’ll starve another 10 years,” the Nightmare King retorted. 

“Just like do a well-aimed projectile spit or something,” Grimmchild suggested.

“Good idea.” Before the Nightmare King could whip around and shoot some spit into Grimm’s mouth, Grimm reached over and slapped the Nightmare King’s head, closing his mouth.

“Disgusting,” Grimm said as the students watched keenly.

“Oh, shut up,” the Nightmare King snapped before prying Grimm’s mouth open and spitting into it. Several students made noises of clear distaste as the Nightmare King held Grimm’s mouth closed, forcing him to swallow. Grimm glared at the Nightmare King before opening another portal and teleporting away.

“That was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen,” Hornet stated grumpily as Lace threw flies and stuff everywhere.

“Better than them kissing, though,” Grimmchild said as he made a retching noise.

“You all need to grow up, this is all super interesting!” exclaimed Quirrel as he wrote down like 50 notes on the Piano Vessel because there was no paper available. The Nightmare King shrugged before snapping and teleporting away. Grimmchild shook his head as the smelly Buzzsaw vessel sat on Chair’s face. 

“It not interesting, it is disgusting and has happened so many times that I am going to fall off a stupid cliff,” replied Grimmchild, scowling like a piece of garbage just flew into his window and ate his bedframe. 

“-And the toilets are clogged, the teachers are gone, your school is in terrible conditioAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA1!!!1!1!1” shrieked the Pale Thing as the floor gave way because Blossom sprayed acid all over the toilets. “WHAT IN THE HEY?!” Mayhem erupted all around, students screaming and crying in terror and disgust as the Pale King fell through the roof and onto Tiso, who was still trying to get out from underneath the fat Piano Vessel and stinky Molly the Mawlek. Grimmchild quickly flew up to the Pale Thing and ripped out two of his teeth before flying away, screaming about how he wanted his fathers to come back and pick him up.

“Mom come pick me up, I’m scared,” Zara whimpered as a buzzsaw rolled out from the ceiling and cut Finette in half. The Radiance cackled at the Pale Thing like a donkey on drugs, but her smile was soon quickly wiped off of her face as she spotted the students, who were screeching about how horribly stinky and ugly the Demented Fork Man was. Hurriedly, she rushed to protect the children from being squashed by the Pale Creature’s stupid buzzsaws. 

Quickly deciding that she needed back up, the Radiance yelled, “GRIMM AND THE NIGHTMARE KING ARE MARRIED!” As quickly as a dirty diaper being flung across the room to land on some smelly little boy’s forehead, Grimm appeared out of a portal and slapped the Radiance’s stinky, crusty face. 

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FRICK, RADIANCE?!” screeched Grimm as the Nightmare King grumbled something about being quiet before throwing an empty can of beans at him, “THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT TRUE!” He slapped the Radiance in the face 17 more times and turned around to leave. 

The Radiance pulled him back and said, “I need backup, you stupid music teacher, the Pale Thing is here and all the stupid students are as well. Get your stupid Nightmare King over here too and make him throw fire at the stupid Pale Thing or something!” Blossom looked around before cackling like a weirdo and using a buzzsaw to block the Pale Thing’s way. 

“REINFORCE THE BARRICADES!” shrieked SOAP as they grabbed a bunch of dung and constructed a wall made of literal shit. Dung Defender joined in with SOAP’s hollering as he flung balls of poop everywhere, successfully immobilizing several buzzsaws. Students continued to scream as they tried to find ways to escape, climbing on top of each other and shrieking when the Pale Thing got up. 

“YOU’RE SHOOL SUCK’S AND I AM THE BESTEST SHOOL!!” screeched the Pale Thing as he threw 283 buzzsaws at a random student. Hollow facepalmed and started making random gestures towards the Pale Thing, the window, some weird please movement, and jumping. The Pale Thing ignored them and continued to shout. 

“YOUR ALL THE MOST STUPIDEST EVER IN THE WORLD AND SO YOU’RE SHOOL!” 

“Shut the FU **SHAW** CK UP!” roared the Nightmare King as he flung a bunch of flames and Primal Aspids at the Pale Thing who was still harassing the Piano Vessel with a buzzsaw. Hammer threw up Void on the Pale Thing’s face and _thonked_ him on the face. The Pale Thing fell over as Hollow’s Shade floated around in circles before leaving for a different pipe. 

Dung Defender continued to throw poop at 488 more buzzsaws, which were being thrown by the Pale Demented Fork. All while buzzsaws and fecal matter were flung across the pipes, the Nightmare King was hurling flames and Primal Aspids, making it pretty much a very big and deadly game of dodgeball. 

“SEE YOU’RE TECHERS ARE MUCHENT WORSE THEN MINE BECAUSSE AI HAVE BETTR TECHERS!! YOU’RE SHOOL SUCK’S!!” screeched the Pale Thing as he was pelted with dung, fire, Aspids, and screaming students. 

“SHUT YOUR UP!” shrieked the Nightmare King as he grabbed a table out of nowhere and smacked the Pale Thing’s head with it. Grimm copied before trying to jump out the window for the 50th time. The Nightmare King’s stupid cloak tendril wrapped around Grimm’s leg, dragging him back into the room so that the Nightmare King could keep an eye on him.

“Can you let me go? I thought you trusted me,” Grimm said as the Nightmare King’s cloak tendrils wrapped tightly around him, keeping him from trying to run out the window again. 

“NO, you just tried to kill yourself, and you need to help me get all the stupid smelly children out of here so that we can show the Pale King who’s superior! The sooner we crush this idiot, the sooner we can just go home and flop around the Nightmare Kingdom like dead fish, alright?” The Nightmare King snarled, his voice low as Grimm drooped over like a toad stuck underneath someone’s foot. 

“...Alright.” Grimm sighed and the Nightmare King released his grasp, murmuring his thanks as students continued to scream and roll around. Shrieking obscenities and curses at the dreaded Pale Creature, the Nightmare King scuttled towards the Pale Thing like a half-dead intoxicated Lifeseed as he continued to hurl flames and Primal Aspids at the stupid whirring buzzsaws. Grimm followed in suit, shooting spikes and cloak tendrils at the Pale King. 

_“Father, get out before I start talking again,”_ Hollow signed as the Pale Thing continued to screech and throw up weird insults about how the school smells of vomit and unbrushed teeth. After grumbling something about nobody having a mind to think nowadays, the Pale Thing threw a buzzsaw at the Radiance before popping out his smelly wings and ascending like Gorb. The Radiance suddenly grew fingers and flipped the bird on the Pale Thing as he flew upwards. Screeching one final last word of hate and spewing out one last vomit-covered buzzsaw, the Demented Fork Man departed with Hollow as swiftly as a tipsy butterfly lifting up a shopping cart. 

“INVADERS BEGOOOONNNNENENE!” Dave exclaimed, celebrating in jubilation as he fell over the poop barricade and landed face-first onto Dung Defender, who was still playing the last few notes of ‘Two Stupid Moths, One on Fire and the Other Drinking Orange Juice’. Now that most of the entertainment was gone, most of the students began crawling up to the pipe’s exit, mumbling to each other about how stupid that battle was. The Nightmare King sidled over to Grimm and grabbed his arm before yanking Grimmchild out of the air and teleporting away to their stupid tents in Dirtmouth. Koi and Moi ran up a toilet’s pipe, screeching as Blossom chased them, waving around a tube of acid. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> grimm and the nightmare king mug somebody while grimmchild is being sat on by SOAP. literally.

“My the I am are toth’s plea.” asked Grimmchild. 

“No?” answered Joth like a fricking dead monkey. The Tape Recorder vessel spammed it on their tape recorder. 

“No? No? No? No? No? No? NO.” 

“Stop that!” screeched Grimmchild.

“No, No, Noo, No, NO, No, NO.” 

“Why not!? Quit that!” 

“No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No-” Grimmchild yanked out Tape Recorder’s teeth and melted the tape recorder that they were holding. Tape Recorder stumbled around for a bit, then pulled out another tape recorder.

“THOU CRINGE, THOU CRINGE, THOU CRINGE, THOU CRINGE! SHAW SHAW SHAW SHAW SHAW SHAW SHAW SHAW SHAW SHAW SHAW SHAW SHAW ShAW SHAW SHAW SHAW SHAW THOU CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE NO COST TOO GREAT TAPE  _ DANSE _ ADINOOO!!” 

“STOP!” shrieked Grimmchild as he grabbed the Tape Recorder vessel and shoved their head into a buzzsaw.

“I HOPE YEE KIDS AREN’T KILLING EACH OTHER ALREADY!” screeched the Pale Thing from next door. “I’VE alREADY HAD A BAD DAy, AND IT DOESN’T NEED TO BE ANY WORSE THAN ME GETTING HUMILIATED AT THE STUPID RADIANCE’S SCHOOL, THEN HAVING TO BABYSIT GRIMMCHILD BECAUSE GRIMM AND THE NIGHTMARE KING HAVE TO RETRIEVE EXPLOSIVES OR SOMETHING!”

“YA AINT EVEN SITTING ON ME, IT’S SOAP WHO’S WATCHING ME!” Grimmchild yelled back as the Tape Recorder vessel fell over a cliff and died. 

“I am  _ NOT _ SOAP!!” wailed SOAP angrily as they sat on Grimmchild’s fat head. “RESPECT YOUR ARE BABYSITTER! I AM NOT SOAP!”

“Whatever! Dad told me that as long as I don’t do anything bad, then I can do whatever I want! Why do you even have to sit on my head anyways?”

“Because Grimm told SOAP to babysit you?” asked Hollow, their voice quiet so that Demented Fork Man wouldn’t hear them speaking. “It’s in the name, I think. Babysitting. You sit on the child. Usually the lightest person around it asked to do so, otherwise somebody heavy like Dad or Divine would probably crush the child. SOAP is very light, so I think that’s why Grimm asked them to babysit you.”

“Yeah, but it still doesn’t make sense! It makes my head feel so fat and heavy that I think it might pop off!” Grimmchild continued to whine, screaming about how stupid babysitting was, especially since his parents would be gone for a whole stupid night. “I could just watch myself without stupid SOAP sitting on my head, or the Pale Creature in the next room feeding crows’ toes to buzzsaws! THIS IS POINTLESS!”

“Everything in life is pointless, kid,” SOAP said in a very musty crusty dead person’s voice.

“Wait, whatcha say, SOAP? I couldn’t hear over Grimmothy’s screeching-” Jake asked before SOAP blew up, cutting their sentence short.

“DO’NT THE NOT CALL ME SOPA!!!!!” shrieked SOAP once more as they grabbed a yam and threw it into Grimmchild’s eye socket. “NOT! AM NOT!!! NOT SOAP, NOOOOOOT!”

“SHUT  _ UP, _ NOT-SOAP!!!” screamed Grimmchild as a roasted yam popped out of his eye. SOAP continued to yodel and scream along with Grimmchild, who flew into a wall because SOAP’s foot kept falling into his eye. 

“I AM NOT NOT-SOAP!”

“Whatever you say, NOT NOT-SOAP,” Dave said cheekily before SOAP shoved a yam into his nonexistent nose. 

“I AM NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT-”

“SHUT  _ UP!!! _ ” came the mad screeching from the Pale Thing in the next room. “I AM TRYING TO FEED MY STUPID BUZZSAWS IN PEACE, BUT IT’S DIFFICULT WHEN THE 1000000 KIDS IN THE ROOM NEXT TO YOU ARE SCREECHING ABOUT SOAP BARS AND YAMS! JUST SHUT UP!” 

“-NOOOOOOOOOOTTTTT SSSSSSSOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPP!!!” 

“WE KNOW YOU ARE NOT-SOAP, JUST SHUT YOUR UP!” screamed Grimmothy as he rammed his head into the wall, crushing NOT-SOAP who was still sitting on his head like a burnt piece of tofu that was glued onto a wizard’s hat. 

“Zote,” said Zote.

“You are all disgraces,” Hornet stated as she slapped SOAP’s dead body. Grimmchild spat fire onto a stupid buzzsaw that kept rolling around Dave’s foot. 

“When is dinner?” Hollow asked as they reappeared and sat miserably on a stinky bench that was clearly too small for them. “I want to eat. Nothing interesting is happening.” 

“You do that, I’m going to the gardens,” Hroorornet siad as she hopped away like a dying Loodle. “Tree Mom and Spider Mom might be there, and the garden is definetly a lot more interesting and fun than the stupid smelly White Palace. Goodbye.” 

“I have lured her away, and now she will eat rotting bug! Of course, I have brought live bug! We will eat live bug as stupid Spider eats disgusting rotten bug!” screeched Lace, causing 27 vessels to line up in front of her and steal her lunch box. Picking up the stupid living bug, they slapped it until they had full masks and SOUL, leaving Lace to deal with a disgusting orange juice corpse thing. 

“SOAP, pass me the salt please,” said Dave as he shoved a tiktik into his eyehole. 

“I AM NOT SOAP!!!”

“NOT-SOAP, please pass me the-”

“I AM NOT NOT-SOAP!”

“Er- NOT-NOT-SOAP, can you please pass me-”

“I AM GHOST! STOP CALLING ME SOAP!! WHY DO YOU STUPID WADS OF BRUSSEL SPROUTS AND DEAD VENGEFLIES KEEP CALLING ME SOAP???!!  _ I AM NOT SOAP _ !!!!!!”

“Um… nevermind, I can get it myself…” Dave waddled over to a rock and began rubbing it onto his food.

“Lace, why are you here? It’s only Grimmchild who’s supposed to be babysat, not you,” Hollow said as they too grabbed some salt rocks and rubbed it onto their food. 

“I am bored. My friends are being boring, and this place was stupid so I decided to stalk Hornet to see if I can make her life miserable.” Lace then opened a new lunch box and began to shove food into her eye sockets. The vessels looked offended and started trying to eat her empty lunchbox, as Blender gave everyone buzzsaw PTSD. 

“THIs is soooooo BORING,” Grimmchild complained as SOAP sat on his head like a stupid floppy octopus on top of an interesting rock. “Dad’s house is full of Primal Aspids and explosives and guns and fire and a bunch of other illegal stuff, all there is here are a bunch of buzzsaws!”

“I know, right? I asked Dad to at least put some nice decorations, but then he yelled at me and told me that I have no mind to think. That’s why I like chilling with Mom, she’s cool,” Hollow whispered, trying to stay quiet even though the stupid buzzsaws were being super loud and annoying. 

“IIIIII CANOOT HERE YUO OVER THGE BUZZSAWS!!!” screeched Blossom as a buzzsaw ran her over. 

“I SAID, I prefer chilling with Mom because Dad is a lunatic!”

“WHAAAAAT??!”

“I PREFER CHILLING WITH MOM BECAUSE DAD IS A LUNATIC!!!”

“WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT!?????” Hollow sighed before sucking in a deep breath. 

In a voice that was so loud that it made everyone go deaf, Hollow shrieked, “I  _ SAID, _ THAT I PREFER CHILLING WITH MOM BECAUSE DAD IS CRAZY!!!” Blossom sat still for a moment before a goofy smile split across her face. 

“Oh, well me too, go figure!” she said happily, even though everyone was now deaf so nobody could hear her. 

“WHY CAN’T I HEAR ANYTHING???!!!” Grimmothy screamed as he ran straight into a buzzsaw and died. SOAP looked at his dead body for a moment before it disappeared in a puff of smoke. Gasping in surprise, SOAP ran over to Hollow, shrieking and crying aggressively as they grabbed a yam and threw it at where Grimmothy once was. 

“SITTING ON BABY ESCAPED!!! CHILD ESCAPED!!!” they screeched as Hollow looked at them in confusion.

“I cannot hear you, what are you trying to say?” Hollow asked as the Pale Thing tried to figure out who turned off everyone’s hearing abilities. 

“WHAT DID YOU SAY? I CANNOT HEAR YUO, I’M DEAF!!” 

“What?” 

“WHAT?” 

“WHHHHAAAAT???” 

“WhAAATTT????” 

Blender ran over to a buzzsaw and somehow grinded it into dust, earning them a glare from the Pale Thing. They were going to go for another, before the Pale Thing snatched them up and said, “NO YOU AREN’T! I PAY FOR THOSE AND EVEN IF YOU ARE A STUIPD LIVING SAWBLADE THING A REAL SAWBLADE IS BETTER THAN YOU! LEAVE THEM ALONE!” Blender shook their head and began carving off the Pale Fork Thing’s fingers. 

Meanwhile, on the other side of the stupid world, Grimm was waddling around with the Nightmare King, screaming at some guy about how they needed new stupid supplies for something something. 

“A wiser choice would be to just give us the items without free cost, and you might even be able to go free!” the Nightmare King said happily as he held the trader up by the neck, “Of course, you could resist it all and still end up dead, without anybody around to find out where you’ve gone! Divine here does enjoy quite the tasty meal, and I do know that she hasn’t eaten in… a  _ very _ long time…” Suddenly, Grimm tapped on the Nightmare King’s shoulder, signalling to his mouth frantically. The Nightmare King widened his eyes before whispering something to Grimm, who ran over to hide behind a bush.

The tradesman struggled, wriggling around as the Nightmare King took his gaze off of him. The Nightmare King growled something to himself before tightening his grip on the trader’s neck, preventing him from trying to escape.

“Ssssssssooo…..” he hissed, his eyes narrowing dangerously as he pushed the tradesman up against the wall. “What shall it be? Your life is entirely in your own hands… and all we want are the supplies…” 

The tradesman shook his head, his words unable to come out because of how tight the Nightmare King’s grip on his neck was. 

“No? Ah, I see. A pity.” The Nightmare King formed a blade around his arm, the edge glistening menacingly as his mouth formed into a jagged smile. Divine cackled next to him, her right arm left as a stump to regrow because the Nightmare King tore it out 5 hours ago. The trader opened his mouth to let out a scream, only for the Nightmare King’s blade to slam down onto his head, neatly cleaving the trader’s head in half. Hemolymph and the shell of the trader tumbled down the Nightmare King’s hand. Scowling, the Nightmare King tossed the trader’s corpse to Divine, who made a chirping noise of happiness before she greedily began to devour the trader’s corpse. The Nightmare King flicked the droplets of hemolymph off of his blade as he walked over to the bush where Grimm was hiding behind. 

“Why can’t you guys let me seeeeeeee?” Grimmchild whined as Grimm covered Grimmothy’s eyes. “I wanna see Dad 2 chop the random guy’s skull in half! It’s soooooo boring at the White Palace, all there are are a bunch of stupid smelly buzzsaws!”

“No, you shouldn’t be allowed to see it! Why aren’t you with your stupid babysitter?” Grimm glared, hissing at Grimmchild. “It WAS going to be my turn to kill, but then your second father took the kill because I had to throw you up and restrain you!”

“But they’re at the stupid Palace and it’s boring and has too many buzzsaws and Pale Things and it’s too loud and stupid!” whined Grimmchild, flapping around in circles and setting a bush on fire, “I wanna kill with you guys because I barely ever get to see any action! Life is Borororororriiinnnngggg!!!!”

“Hm. Well perhaps you may be able to come next time,” the Nightmare King said as he flicked hemolymph off of his blade.

“When you’re 18,” interjected Grimm, as Grimmchild flew away, screaming, 

“BUT I’LL NEVER TURN 18 BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID CYCLE THAT TURNS ME INTO A STUPID 2-YEAR-OLD!” 

“Oh, let the boy see the kill,” the Nightmare King growled. “I see no harm in doing so. The only damage being done would be the suffering caused to the tradesmen who for some reason refuse to cooperate.”

“He’s too young-”

“I’M ALMOST 90 YEARS OLD MENTALLY!” shrieked Grimmchild as he flapped around in circles, screeching into the sky about how strict his smelly parents were. 

“What happened to when you requested me not to let him face such brutality in the light of a new kingdom?” Grimm snapped at the Nightmare King, who was still rubbing hemolymph and flesh off of his blade.

“That was 10 years ago when Grimmchild was still quite young, and when you for some reason decided to adopt Brumm. And also not to mention that it was a good call, considering I literally had to massacre almost the entire city because nobody was willing to give me some stupid salt.” The Nightmare King hissed as Divine continued to shove the bug’s corpse into her mouth, slurping up the hemolymph from the floor and cackling as Brumm polished his accordion. 

“I guess…” muttered Grimm, finally caving in. “Fine. Next time when we go for supplies, you are allowed to see either me or the Nightmare King smash someone’s head in.”

“Or any time that we run an errand. He’s getting old,” the Nightmare King replied, patting Grimm on the shoulder. Grimm sighed as Grimmothy yelled in triumph, flopping around happily because Dad 2 wasn’t as strict and was also good at bargaining. 

“The logic here does not make any sense, mrmm,” Brumm muttered to himself as he tried to piece together the straps of his accordion. “Grimmchild is older than me by about 70 years, yet I’m allowed to watch you guys rip out the random throats of travelers whereas he is not. Mrmm.”

“Do not question me,” Grimm snapped as he helped sharpen the Nightmare King’s blade. “Grimmchild is very sensitive, whereas you grew up in a tough environment for ten years before I adopted you.” Suddenly, the Nightmare King barked a harsh laugh, cackling as madly as the Pale Lurker.

“What is wrong with you?” Grimm exclaimed. “Stop laughing and keep still so I can polish your blade!”

“My apologies, Grimm, but Grimmothy is anything but sensitive. He might’ve been scared and timid ten years ago, but now… I can’t say anything other than he enjoys ripping out the teeth of his peers.” The Nightmare King’s laughs subsided as he smiled at Grimm, who was still scowling at him. 

“DARN RIGHT I DO!” Grimmothy screeched from the sky, “CAN I HAVE MY ARMS BACK YET?”

“NO!” Grimm yelled, “YOU STILL DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO ARMS!” Grimmchild huffed before flapping away grumpily. Maybe later he can try and ask Dad 2 to convince Dad 1 to give him his arms back later. 

___________________________________________

“YOUR ARE HEAD IS ON MY HEAD!” shrieked Blossom. “GET OFF MY HEAD!”

“Whoops,'' said the Piano vessel as they crushed Blossom’s stinky head. 

“Shut your up, I am trying to sleeping!” exclaimed Dave before he rolled over and fell asleep as quickly a cactus falling down a staircase at midnight because it drank too much saliva. 

“Whatever!” shrieked the Fishbowl vessel. “This place is too small and cramped, Dad needs to get a new palace upgrade or something!”

“Agreed,” said Tina as Jared fell over and tipped the room sideways. 

“SHUT YOUR UP!” screeched the Pale Thing from the next room as he angrily flopped around a buzzsaw. “SLEEP LIKE THE STUPIDS YOU ARE!!!!! AWAY!!!”

“OKOKOKOKOKOKOK!” replied Jake as he slammed into the wall, making a huge hole in it. 

“STOP!”

“HEY, I HAVE STORY! A! ONCE UPON TIME A KING NIGHTMARE CURSED THE You ALL US AND TOO ME NOW AND ALL HAVE PAIN PATH BuZZSAW NIGHTMARES FOREVER!!” screeched the Trashbag vessel. 

“STOP IM SLEEPING TRYING TO!” Dave screamed in anger as his stupid siblings continued to fling buzzsaws and tables at each other, yelling and screeching about something something buzzsaw. Suddenly, the Pale Thing kicked open the door angrily. His foot detached itself from his leg and flew across the room, hitting Jake in the head. 

“SHUT YOURE UP!” he screamed. “BE QUIET OR I WILL FEED YOU ALL TO THE SMELLY PIT!!!111!!!” The stupid vessels immediately fell silent as the Pale Thing slammed the door shut. 

“I?” asked SOAP, who had just woken up from the loud stupid noises of the Pale Thing slapping the door around.

“SHSHhshsHShSuShShuShUShShuS!” several vessels said, shushing SOAP as flecks of their spit flew all over SOAP’s face. SOAP sighed before flopping over and falling back asleep. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more courses, more people, more mayhem, grimm had a dream about a clock, lemm makes a cringey pun, and all the teachers holler like senile people because they are senile people.

“I had a dream where I proposed to my clock,” Grimm stated cheerfully as he polished a tuba that was not broken for once, “I told the clock that they were the light of my life, the one who I really only cared about, and I told them that no matter how much pain I’ve had to share with them, they never left my side. And then I proposed to the clock. The clock, being a clock, did not say anything because clocks cannot speak. Then, I woke up. One of the best dreams I’ve had in a while.”

“Damn Radiance, I’ll make her stop that for you.” Before Grimm could respond that it was actually better than the stupid nightmares that he gave him, the Nightmare King teleported away, leaving Grimm to tune the instruments by himself. Grimm looked out the window and noticed a very buff Marissa, who looked like she had been there the whole morning. 

“Ooooooooh, he jealouususususuususus,” Hive Knight said as he rolled around Grimm’s desk, making music sheets and instruments fall everywhere. 

“No, he is not, he just dislikes the Radiance giving me weird dreams, although I have to admit that his nightmares are actually worse than the clock dream.”

“OOOOOOOOOOOOH, HE SUUUUUPER JEALOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS,” Hive Knight said while everyone watched the Nightmare King sucker-punch the Radiance in the face. 

“Why is everyone in my classroom again?” asked Grimm, “GEt OUT!” 

“NO, the Radiance said that we are going to have a meeting in here,” Lemm said as Sly rolled into the room with his fat nail. “Well… that’s what she said before the Nightmare King _clocked_ her in the head.” All the teachers in the room except for Grimm and Brumm roared with laughter. Monomon wheezed, leaning over Grimm’s desk as Lurien cackled like the Pale Lurker sticking a key up her nostrils.

“You are all insufferable,” Grimm muttered as even Brumm chuckled a bit. 

“Did you know that if Grimm and I used pufferfish in different places in this room at the same time, all of you here would literally die?” asked the Nightmare King, polishing his stupid arm because there was still some dried hemolymph on it from the stupid tradesmen from the previous day. 

“Please give them all horrible nightmares for the rest of the decade,” requested Grimm, gesturing to the cackling teachers in the room, who were breaking his instruments and eating music sheets. 

“Sure thing,” the Nightmare King muttered as Hive Knight slapped him on the back, screeching and guffawing like a camel on helium and drugs, “I’ll have you know that I can haunt you in the daytime as well. Hive Knight, stop screeching or I will give you nightmares about the Radiance firing you, so you turn homeless, jobless, have no money, and can’t even afford food and taxes.” Hive Knight quickly shut his mouth before sliding away grumpily to the other side of the room. 

Suddenly, the Radiance slammed open the door to Grimm’s classroom, scowling as she held Molly. Several bandages were wrapped around her head as she looked around to glare angrily at Grimm, then the Nightmare King. Laughter immediately subsided as the Radiance floated in, Monomon straightening her posture as she and the teachers looked attentively at the Radiance.

“Where did Herrah go?” the Radiance asked as she set Molly onto the floor, who began romping around the room, making holes in the floors. Grimm flinched with each hole created, cringing as Molly demolished the room. The Nightmare King flexed his wrist, cracking his knuckles before stepping towards the clueless Mawlek. 

“Sleeping,” Lurien responded as he sifted through his math papers, huffing with exasperation whenever a student got something wrong. 

“Well then, may somebody please get her? This meeting is rather important,” the Radiance said, ignoring Molly, who was being hunted down by the Nightmare King. Scanning the room, she spotted the Nightmare King, who was just about to skewer Molly. The Radiance snapped her fingers his way to get his attention. 

“Get Herrah for me,” the Radiance commanded to the Nightmare King, who glared at her. The Nightmare King hissed before grabbing Grimm’s arm and pulling him away with him, “Oh no, he stays.”

The Radiance grinned evilly at the Nightmare King, who looked back at her with pure rage. 

“It is either I go and he goes, or I stay and he stays,” the Nightmare King hissed, clutching Grimm’s elbow tightly.

“Oooooooohhhhhhh-” Hive Knight said before Lemm shoved a paper into his face, successfully shutting him up. 

“Let the man decide for himself, will you?” Marissa asked as she flexed her buff arms, going through several warm-up choir sheets, “Grimm, would you want to go with the Nightmare King or stay?” Grimm hesitated as the Nightmare King tightened his grip on his arm. The Nightmare King looked towards the doorway, his expression betraying nothing as everyone cast their eyes on Grimm and the Nightmare King. 

“Um… I’ll go.. With the Nightmare King,” Grimm said as the Radiance huffed angrily, picking Molly up before setting them down on the other side of the room. Everyone stared at Grimm attentively. Grimm looked around uncomfortably, as literally everyone had their eyes on him. 

“What? I don’t want to be in the same room as you idiots, and I don’t want to be part of the conference!” he exclaimed as the Nightmare King pulled him out of the room. There was an awkward silence before Marissa spoke up.

“Well, that probably is gonna result in a very big mess,” Marissa retorted as the Radiance sighed. 

“I ship are the,” said Hive Knight as he rolled around the room, smacking several teachers in the face because he was bored. He then bent over and ate some moldy bits of jello off of the floor. 

“That is disgusting,” Lemm said, scowling at Hive Knight, who was still delightedly snorting gelatin off of the floor like a pig eating a child. 

“Ew, Marissa,” said Marmu as Marissa paraded around the room, yodeling about how the Radiance shouldn’t have asked the Nightmare King to retrieve Herrah, “Do you mean that- ew, no thanks.” Marmu rolled around, making disgusted noises.

“What? WHAT? I DON’T GET IT??” Hive Knight shrieked as Godseeker hopped into the room. 

“I have no idea what you are talking about, you dirty-minded caterpillar,” Marissa retorted as the Radiance grumbled something about stupid staff and needing to wait for smelly stupid Grimm to come back so that they can start the meeting. 

“Why is Lurien filling out a paper about how much he wants to White Palace?” asked Sly.

“Bapanada,” said Iselda informatively. “Bapanada bapanada, bapanada.”

“Never said better, dear,” responded Cornifer as he wrote down something on his map. 

“He apparently was able to get a job at that stupid private school on National Pale Thing Avoidance Day. He’s going to work there soon,” answered Foot Eater, polishing some fragile charms and muttering about Geo. Divine leaned over Foot Eater to snatch the charms out of his hand and eat them. As Leg Eater was hollering at Divine and screeching about stupid charms, Grimm, the Nightmare King, and Herrah walked into the room. Herrah yawned tiredly, rubbing her eyes as she walked in. 

“Good, I swear that if you took one more minute to get here I would stick a clock on your desk so everyone would make fun of you for it,” snapped the Radiance. 

“Oh, let’s see you try,” snarled the Nightmare King, glowering at the Radiance as he walked Grimm back to his desk.

“Why are you angry, it’s not even your desk,” muttered the Nailsmith, “Like I get that you two are a couple, but even Sheo isn’t nearly as protective of me as you are!”

“We are NOT A COUPLE!” screeched Grimm, throwing 19 fireballs at everyone in the room, “We have NEVER been a couple and never will!” 

“Let’s see how long that lasts…” the Nightmare King uttered to Grimm as Hive Knight paraded around the desk, still eating moldy jello and screaming about planning stupid weddings and stuff.

“Forever,” snapped Grimm, slapping Hive Knight and throwing himself out the window. The Nightmare King rolled his eyes before sending his stupid cloak tendrils after Grimm, pulling him back and slapping him onto his desk’s seat. 

Brumm played some random notes before playing ‘Troupe Master Grimm says he is not in love with the Nightmare King but I still don’t know even though I have grown up with them my entire life and now I’m just as equally confused as all of you because I once saw them slobbering over each other but they both still claim they are not in love’. 

“That is a nice song,” said Hive Knight as he fell over Grimm’s desk and landed on a broken tuba pile, still sniffing jello. “What is it called?”

“Oh, it’s called ‘Troupe Master Grimm says he is not in love with the Nightmare King but I still don’t know even though I have grown up with them my entire life and now I’m just as equally confused as all of you because I once saw them slobbering over each other but they both still claim they are not in love’,” answered Brumm, “The title is long, yet accurate.” 

“I sock it,” said Hive Knight, forgetting how to say ship. 

“Cringe,” Godseeker muttered as she wrote down notes on her notebook using her fat weird stumpy foot because she did not have limbs other than a head and that weird stumpy foot. 

“We do NOT slobber over each other!” Grimm shrieked. 

“But you did, I saw you last week,” said Brumm. 

“Heehee! I suffer seeing them do it every day!” Divine exclaimed as she rummaged around in the Radiance’s backpack, finding geo and tossing them into her mouth.

“That is an over-exaggeration,” the Nightmare King stated as Grimm screeched about how it doesn’t happen you stupid people and it never will, “We do it _almost_ every _other_ day.” Grimm turned around and slapped the Nightmare King before waddling out of his desk and jumping out the window again. 

“How are you two not married, you sound exactly like an old grumpy married couple who both love to lure children into tents and chop off their toes one by one,” Sly stated as Salubra floated around, going, “Ooh hoo hoo hoo,” like a bloated Vengefly King snorting fried toad legs. 

“Well, we do that, but not the married couple part,” Grimm said as he walked back into the room only to jump out the window again. The Nightmare King rolled his eyes and stitched Grimm’s broken corpse back together, turning Grimm into normal Grimm the stupid dude who really should be dead by now. 

“Yes, but the toes part is inaccurate, too. The children are not intended, it’s the tradesmen, isn’t it? Although the children is a benefit because of the free labor,” said the Nightmare King, writing down notes about which area they should go “shopping” next and resuming the conversation like Grimm hadn’t just literally fricking died. 

“How do you tolerate this?” Monomon asked both Divine, who was shoving coins into her mouth, and Brumm, who was trying to find out why the heck he couldn’t play the lowest ‘E’ key on his accordion. 

“Oh, you just get used to it. Mm,” Brumm replied, poking his accordion and moving to the ruined instrument pile to see if he could replace a part of it without breaking it. 

“I eat coins,” said Divine as she ate a rock. “Is eat. To. Me. “

“Ah, so one of you just doesn’t care and the other is a complete nut,” Monomon said, nodding as if she understood.

“Shut up, the conference will start. Enough about Grimm and the Nightmare King being stupid mates (“WE ARE NOT MATES!” screeched Grimm), we have more important matters to discuss,” the Radiance said grumpily as she picked up Morbidly Obese Molly and threw her into the wall, making a giant hole in the classroom. Grimm groaned and started writing notes about stupid principals making him have to buy walls and repair his stupid classroom as if he already didn’t have enough things to repair, like his mental health and instruments. 

“I can repair your sanity, you just won’t let me,” the Nightmare King said to Grimm, reading his notes over his shoulder.

“No, this is something I need to do myself because I’m a stupid smelly independent person,” Grimm told the Nightmare King as Dung Defender played the American Anthem in the background.

“Hey, play the wedding march,” whispered Hive Knight. Before Dung Defender could start playing the smelly wedding song, Grimm took his trumpet and smacked Hive Knight in the head with it before handing it back to Dung Defender. 

“Onto a very important matter,” started Hive Knight, “It is a wonder how the Nightmare King hasn’t been arrested for arson. I think that Grimm loves him so much he will help the Nightmare King avoid being caught-” Grimm smacked him with the broken organ. 

“Shut up and listen, this is a conference, not a gossip room!” cried the Radiance as she waved around her stupid wings, holding Monomon’s yardstick as she tapped the blackboard which read something like, _MAKE THE STUPID STUDENTS DRINK A LOT OF ORANGE JUICE AND TELL THEM THAT OUR SCHOOL IS BETTER THAN THE WHITE PALACE’S!!_

“Well, Master 2 won’t be arrested because the police are dead. Mm,” Brumm said, “Do not blame him for burning the police. They have the right to arms and fire. Mrmm. I wonder if the Child will be allowed to watch and participate next time.” 

“STOP SHARING RANDOM THINGS ABOUT MY LIFE!” screeched Grimm as he ran around in circles and cracked his neck using a flute. The Nightmare King patted Grimm’s head, muttering to him about how he has to ignore stupid people doing stupid things even if it’s your adopted son. 

“I WILL BE ALLOWED TO PARTICIPATe!” screeched Grimmchild as he burst out of Grimm’s mouth like a stupid Xenomorph crawling out of some random dude’s butt. He then turned to the Nightmare King and said, “Hey, can I _pleeease_ have my buff arms back? I won’t go around spewing random information about Dad 1 that nobody needs or cares about, I promise!” 

“No. Grimm said a month, so you have to wait a month,” the Nightmare King told him. Grimmothy sighed before opening Grimm’s mouth and flopping back inside. Everybody made a noise of revulsion as Godseeker wrote ‘CRINGE’ in her notebook 40 times.

“Well, that was disgusting. Now, are we all going to work, or are we going to be stupid until the students come?” snapped the Radiance, “Now, as I was saying, we need to give more orange juice to the students, particularly the vessels. And, they need to learn more Stupid White Palace techniques so that they can ruin the Pale Thing’s career.” 

Lurien scowled and kicked the chalkboard, erasing the list of amazing ideas on how to ruin the Pale Thing’s career. 

“I am going to work there, and so are you!” he yelled as he pulled Monomon and Herrah, trying to get out the door. 

With a “NO!” Monomon shrank, moved away, and grew back to her normal size. Herrah threw a bunch of spiders into Lurien’s eyeball, causing him to lose his grip and tumble up the stairs again.

“What is it with you all and defying gravity?” the Radiance muttered to herself as Grimm stuck his arm down his throat to pull Grimmothy out again because having a stupid child stuffed inside of your mouth is quite annoying. The Nightmare King shrugged and walked upside down on the ceiling while Grimm stuck a stick down his throat, trying to get Grimmchild out. 

The bell rang, and even though they had accomplished nothing other than getting Grimm mad, it was time to end the meeting and teach students about green is a color made from the tertiary colors white and pink. The Nightmare King walked over, still upside down as he pried Grimm’s mouth open and stuck his head inside.

“Grimmchild, please get out,” the Nightmare King said as Grimmothy sulked in the corner of Grimm’s stupid stomach womb thingy. 

“NO, I am an edgy teenager man, LeAvE Me aLoNe!” shrieked Grimmchild as Grimm drooped over like a soggy piece of bread, the Nightmare King still trying to reason with Grimmothy.

“Ih hoo ogn’t het ou, I ill ake away or arns or hirty ears,” Grimm said, his speech being broken down because the Nightmare King still was trying to get Grimmchild out. 

“If you don’t get out, Grimm will take away your arms for thirty years,” the Nightmare King translated. Grimmothy sulkily flopped out of Grimm’s throat, splatting onto the ground like a disgusting piece of phlegm being coughed out from a sick person onto a random stranger’s face. 

“Plap?” asked SOAP, waddling into the room with a handful of yams. 

“NO!” shrieked Grimm, who was already having a bad day even though that clock dream was nice. Maybe it was a foretelling. “You aren’t even in my classes on Wednesdays, only for Sparring! Go to Marissa’s classroom, you stinky bar of SOAP!” SOAP screeched something about not being SOAP before flopping out of Grimm’s classroom alongside Grimmchild, making their way to Marissa’s classroom along with about 30 other smelly students. 

“Why hello there, children!” Marissa said happily as she flexed her arms menacingly. SOAP groaned in despair because Theatre/Choir was not very interesting. Quirrel was fairly okay at Theatre, but he was very confused about acting. However, he could probably be a good voice actor. 

“How could a bastard, orphan, son of a who-” began Rainle, who was obviously quite confused.

“We are not doing Hamilton so shut you’re up,” said Dave, who was tired and grumpy because he didn’t get enough sleep last night. 

“DO THE YOU STORY A KNOW??” asked Blossom, “THE TRASH BAG TOLD ME ONCE UPON TIME A THE NIGHTMARE KING THE MAD WAS YOU AT HE SO CURSED THE YOU THAT SO YOU HAVE BUZZSAW NIGHTMARES FOREVER!” More of the students shuddered, screeching random things about evil buzzsaws and garbage that was spewing out of Blossom’s invisible mouth. 

“Stop talking about buzzsaw nightmares, or you will actually get them,” Marissa lectured sternly as she threw SOP onto the stage where they crashed through the stage’s floor as broken wood splintered everywhere. 

“Me too,” said Yvette as she jumped onto the stage and created an even bigger hole in it. 

“Stop making the stage a holy ground and teach us something!” screeched Respo as Rainle tripped over his bell hat which, in turn, was kicked onto the stage, making another huge hole. 

“I am teaching you how to act like you made a big hole,” replied Marissa, “Yvette is learning very well, and if you were paying attention, you should too!” 

“You are literally just making us create holes in the floor,” Trobbio stated, staring at the 2 giant holes in the floor. Hammer walked up and bowed low, creating a very deep hole in the floor. 

“Shut up, it’s educational!” Marissa said happily as she picked up Trobbio and flung him into the wall. Trobbio flopped onto the other side of the wall, making a giant hole connecting Grimm’s classroom and Marissa’s classroom. 

“What in the hey,” the Nightmare King said as Grimm spat out his tea. 

“STOP MAKING HOLES EVERYWHERE!!!” Grimm shrieked before grabbing the nearest vessel, who happened to be Jared, and tossing him at Marissa. 

“Can learn how buzzsaw to be? Austin wants to be a buzzsaw Dad the so finally him loves,” requested a vessel named Carrie, poking Marissa’s stupid foot. 

“Oh, sorry dear, I don’t really know how to make him into a buzzsaw, but perhaps Tuk or Grimm can help him settle stuff out with his father?” Marissa offered sympathetically to the small vessel.

“PRETEND!! LIKE HOLE!” screeched Carrie. 

“Oh, you mean acting! If he wants, he can come to me after school and I can teach him how to act,” Marissa spoke to Carrie happily. Carrie nodded her head eagerly before waddling back into Grimm’s classroom, where the Nightmare King was for some reason as Grimm screamed at some broken instruments. Jake sat in Marissa’s classroom, poking Koi’s face with a smelly yardstick that Monomon had forgotten to take back from the Radiance, and for some reason had ended up in Marissa’s classroom. Grimm screeched in terror as the Fishbowl vessel spilled water all over him, resulting in the Nightmare King picking up a tuba and tossing it at the weird little vessel. 

“Why are you in this classroom, you have to teach your own class,” Grimm said to the Nightmare King. 

“Herrah finally woke up. You didn’t know that I was a substitute? Of course you didn’t, you’ve never met Herrah, since she’s always sleeping,” the Nightmare King muttered. “The only thing that I miss about those classes are the screams of agony from the children as I set them ablaze and skewer them all with my cloak tendrils. It was fun while it lasted, though.”

“Why must you bother me then?” whined Grimm as Marissa poked her head into the classroom to listen to the two stupid moth mosquito bat things barking at each other like cats hopping after seeds. 

“Because I literally hate all the other teachers in the school except for you, and also from the looks of it, you could really use my help,” the Nightmare King explained as he picked up a screaming Chair Vessel and plopped them back into the flutes area. Grimm muttered something inaudible to the Nightmare King before they split up to chase the stinky screaming students around their classroom. Marissa sighed as she rested her head on her hand. 

“Ah, young love,” she said as she leaned over the broken wall to watch as the Nightmare King picked up a screeching centipede and smacked him onto the piano. 

“I’M OLDER THAN YOU!” shrieked Grimm, throwing a broken tuba at Marissa, “AND WE ARE NOT IN LOVE! I HAVE SAID THAT TOO MANY TIMES YET NOBODY EVER LISTENS!” 

“I listen,” offered the Nightmare King. Marissa sighed and muttered something about young love again. 

“You don’t count, because you’re like my best friend or whatever!’ Grimm snapped at the Nightmare King before turning around to face Marissa. “AND IT IS _NOT_ YOUNG LOVE, NEITHER YOUNG NOR LOVE!!!!!! I AM A 700-YEAR-OLD MAN THAT IS SINGLE, SO SHUT UP!!!”

“Damn, single for 700 years? That’s pathetic,” said Iru the weird garpede thing as she flopped over and landed on a xylophone, breaking it in half. “Not even a first girlfriend, geez.” Grimm stomped up to Iru and smacked her in the face.

“I AM ASEXUAL!!” he screeched before diving out the window.

“Literally right after all the teachers left I saw you like slobber all over the Nightmare King’s face so I highly doubt that, mrmm,” Brumm said as Grimm screamed something from below the window before the Nightmare King’s stupid cloak tendril dragged him back up. 

“Htis is broing,” said Honret as she smacked both SOAP and Lace in the head with her stupid needle 57 times. 

“What isssss a broing?” asked Zemmoth while Lace picked up her pin and started poking Hornet’s eye out.

“I know don’t,” replied Iru from the next classroom, who was still being yelled at by Grimm for insulting him about his sad single life. 

“STOP WRECKING MY CLASSROOM!” shrieked Grimm for what seemed like the 50th time this morning as Marissa threw Clover into the wall, making another stupid hole, “WHY ARE YOU EVEN _IN_ MY CLASSROOM?!” 

“I am not in your classroom, I’m on the other side of your classroom,” Marissa said, who was in fact still indeed inside of her classroom. “I just happened to throw a lot of stuff, making holes in my class’s walls to merge our classrooms together because my classroom is super boring!” Grimm groaned before flopping onto his desk in dismay. The Nightmare King continued to chase stupid students around the broken class as Marissa threw more idiots into the wall, making more stinky holes. Hammer threw up a bunch of stinky void and shiet all over Marissa’s classroom as Quirrel used his pretzel powers to hang from the ceiling using his legs so that the smelly vomit wouldn’t reach him.

“Quirrel, use your stupid pretzel powers to help get Marissa out of this room, will you?” Grimm said tiredly from his desk, his voice somewhat muffled because his face was slammed onto it. 

“Um… alright,” Quirrel replied before extending his arms and pulling buff Marissa away from the stupid holey wall connecting the two smelly classrooms. Grimm found some paper and began muttering something as he wrote about needing to order 2 tons of bricks. After cutting off his finger as a blood sacrifice, Grimm then murmured a summoning sentence before tossing his chopped-off finger into the paper. Shadows and weird particles of spikes and eyes scattered around the room. Grimm drew a centipede shape on the stupid paper that he used to write down how many bricks he wanted. Suddenly, Snej appeared.

“Well, this has been the first time in days that somebody had actually called me through a summoning instead of just going to the roof and tossing me off,” Snej said as Grimm sighed. Snej read the weird paper thingy before looking carefully at Grimm’s chopped-off finger. Nodding in approval, Snej then threw up like 5 tons of bricks into the walls of Grimm's classroom, somehow repairing it in the process as the Nightmare King looked at the spectacle with fascination. 

“Noooooo!” Marissa cried as the holes in the walls were closed up. Grimm stuck out his tongue at her before a brick was flung into a hole in the wall. Snej then muttered something about bricks and roof spikes before disappearing. The Nightmare King scuttled up to Grimm and tapped on his missing finger, regrowing his finger as the students finally stopped screaming for five seconds to watch the weird thing that Grimm just did. Finally, as the last brick was flung into the wall, closing up all the holes, Marissa broke free from Quirrel’s grasp, only to run face-first into a wall because the holes had been repaired. Marissa sighed before walking sulkily back to her students.

Quirrel, still in his really weird knot-tangled-pretzel pose, was rolling and slithering around on the floor. 

“Help, I can’t get up!” Quirrel cried as his arm extended, making him even more tangled up, while he wrote random notes about vessels. 

“Can’t you extend your foot to make a giant foot? I thought you could move like that,” suggested Grimm, already recovering from his weird fit of crying on the desk now that Marissa was gone. “Also, how did you end up in my classroom on the other side of the wall? You’re not in Music, you’re in Theatre today.” Quirrel shrugged helplessly as his limbs flopped around everywhere, slapping several other students in the face as they tried to play their instruments. The Nightmare King then picked up Quirrel the Demented Pretzel and went next door to deliver him back to Marissa.

Quirrel flopped out of the Nightmare King’s hands, fell, then began thumping his face on Marissa’s classroom door. The Nightmare King shrugged before walking back to Grimm’s class. Noticing Quirrel the Demented Pretzel on the floor, Marissa bent down and tossed him into the classroom, still whining about how it was boring and she wanted to create holes in the wall so she would stalk Grimm and the Nightmare King.

“Lady, you have some serious issues,” Erith said as Terzu hopped around, smushing SOAP several times as Grimmchild ripped out Blossom’s teeth. Grimmchild flapped over, chimed in agreement with Erith, then proceeded to rip out Erith’s teeth as well. 

“Well then… I guess we shall proceed with the class as normal…” Marissa sighed before handing smelly papers to everybody. 

“What are we supposed to do with this?” God Tamer asked as she read the papers to herself. ”Oh. Acting. Ew.”

“You don’t like acting? I think it’s fun,” said the Pale Lurker as God Tamer took her papers and threw them into the air. Ivy swooped by and caught the papers in her mouth before eating them like they were some weird smelly pieces of vegetables that stank like a skunk’s cabbage stew. Grimmchild flew over, ripped out her teeth, then flew away. 

“Meh, not too interested, but it’s fine if you are,” God Tamer commented as she picked up Tiso’s shield and smacked him with it. 

“I like acting, it’s kinda fun-ish,” said Cloth. “Although, I do prefer Grimm’s class. There aren’t as many holes in there and also I like playing the Cello.”

“I hate everything and everyone,” Tiso stated matter-of-factly before Fat Ole’ Molly fell through the stupid roof and crushed him like a crab trying to eat a cauliflower. 

“Aw, I loathe you as well!” Cloth said happily as Tiso screamed about brainless Mawleks always falling from the smelly sky. 

“Wow, me too. Who knew so many people held a deep resentment for Tiso?” asked Severin, who was cheerfully reading her script as Molly barked happily. 

“I don’t hate Tiso,” Quirrel said as he tried to untangle his limbs, only to fall down and flop over. “I don’t hate anybody.”

“Even the Nightmare King?” Cloth asked as she walked over to Quirrel and tried to untangle his stupidly long noodly legs.

“No, as I have said before, I don’t hate anybody. The Nightmare King is just doing what he usually does, I can’t blame him for whatever he wants to do, even though sometimes he can be really mean,” Quirrel replied as SOAP rolled over next to Cloth to help Cloth try and untangle Quirrel the Demented Pretzel.

“I HTAAAAAAAAEEEEEE people who calle me SOPA,” said SOAP as they pushed Quirrel over on his side to see how the heck he was able to get his arm to wrap around his body lengthwise three times. “Does not like, I. If you call me SOAP, SOPA, SOP, SOUP, SAOP, or a substance used with water for washing and cleaning, made of a compound of natural oils or fats with sodium hydroxide or another strong alkali, and typically having perfume and coloring added, then you have 2 chromosomes.” 

“Whatever you say, Substance used with water for washing and cleaning, made of a compound of natural oils or fats with sodium hydroxide or another strong alkali, and typically having perfume and coloring added,” Grimmchild said presumptuously before he flapped away to cause more mischief.

“I AM NOOOOOOOOOTTT-” 

“Can somebody please help us get Quirrel out from his weird tangled earphones position?” Cloth asked, cutting off Substance used with water for washing and cleaning, made of a compound of natural oils or fats with sodium hydroxide or another strong alkali, and typically having perfume and coloring added’s shrieks of how they were not Substance used with water for washing and cleaning, made of a compound of natural oils or fats with sodium hydroxide or another strong alkali, and typically having perfume and coloring added. 

“Why do they call you SOAP?” Quirrel asked as SOP ran around in circles, squealing like a dead monkey drowning in orange juice, “And SOP, SOUP, SOPA, or.. Substance used with water for washing and cleaning, made of a compound of natural oils or fats with sodium hydroxide or another strong alkali, and typically having perfume and coloring added’s shrieks of how they were not Substance used with water for washing and cleaning, made of a compound of natural oils or fats with sodium hydroxide or another strong alkali, and typically having perfume and coloring added?” He inhaled, then resumed trying to untangle himself, but only managed to get his foot even more tangled up with his left arm. 

Marissa slapped the table and screeched, “Are we going to learn how to-” 

“Buzzsaw?” asked Carrie, “Act the Austin is a turn buzzsaw into the acting?” 

“No, but we will be acting-” 

“Can I act out as the guy who rips out everyone’s teeth every minute, day, night, no matter who it is? I rip out the teeth of the Vessels, Hornet, the assassins from Pharloom, the teachers, the principal, Quirrel, Severin, Deduline, anyone! I’ll be that guy! I want to act as the guy who rips out teeth! I’m a method actor! I’ve practiced for this role for almost my whole life!” shrieked Grimmchild, flying straight through the door and ripping out the teeth of SOUP. 

“Why is Carrie here? She is supposed to be in Grimm’s classroom,” muttered Millybug, who was sharing some cookies with Myla and Bretta.

“What is my diarrhea number today,” said Zote. 

“HE SAID SOMETHING!” screeched Hornet like a dying foot, “SAY SOMETHING ELSE!” 

“HE SPEAKS!!!!” shrieked Lace, who was also for some reason excited.

Zote inhaled, then said, “Zote.” Hornet scowled and crashed to the other side of the classroom in disappointment, making another hole in the wall to go with the one in the door which was created by Grimmchild, the actor for ‘Guy Who Rips Out Everyone’s Teeth.’ Lace soon followed, plotting her next weird move to put a dead leaf in Hornet’s soup to make her die. 

“I… I.. I amam not thh..e,” Dave announced mournfully, reading off of the script horribly because he doesn’t actually know how to read. 

“Such emotion!” Marissa exclaimed, “Such bravado! See, children? This is what a proper actor should be like!”

“I do not know how to act, 

And that is a clear fact. 

Grimmchild took my molars, 

And Marissa is quite bipolar, 

Yet here I stand, in mourn and misery, 

I would rather be listening to Lemm teaching history,” SOAP said, randomly spewing out weird poems because they felt like it. 

“You do not have molars,” stated Grimmchild, “I already took those yesterday.” 

“The grew bakc,” responded SOAP, “BAKC!” 

“Oh, then I’ll take them.” Grimmchild flopped over to SOUP and ripped out every single molar they had, then began ripping out the other teeth as well. 

“You kids have so much energy and so much potential to be amazing actors, but for some reason, you all clearly do not want to,” Marissa said, sighing as God Tamer’s beast fell onto the Pale Lurker and crushed her alongside Tiso. 

“This is choir class, you crazy woman,” Grimmchild said, ripping out Ivy’s teeth. 

“No, it is actually both choir and theatre mixed into one because for some reason that’s a thing,” Quirrel said informatively. Grimmchild mouthed an “Oh,” before flapping over to Quirrel and ripping out his teeth.

“FOR THE MOTHERLAND!” screeched Tiso for no reason as he whacked the roof with a fat stick, most likely trying to smack Molly. The roof broke, making Molly fall onto his head and squish him again. Tiso groaned in defeat then died like a mango stuck up a crocodile’s eyelid. 

“What happened?” asked the Radiance, dashing into the room, “Molly, oh no! The stupid mean student hurt you! That is okay! It’s a good thing you got vengeance on him by killing him!” She picked Molly up and left the classroom. 

“Unfair,” Tiso muttered, “That stupid Mawlek only got a cut! I FRICKING DIED!” 

“SO MUCH CONFLICT, RIVALRY, AND DRAMA!!” Marissa exclaimed, flopping over dramatically. “AAAhhhhh, if only Grimm and the Nightmare King were here so that I could have the full set of theatre!”

“What,” said Grimmothy as he flopped around and ripped out Zemmoth’s teeth before chasing after Cedrin, who was yelling something about wanting to keep his teeth, “Don’t talk to him, your existence is the fifth leading cause of suicide in Troupe Master Grimm.” 

“Lady, why do you yearn to stalk Grimmchild’s smelly old parents? There is literally nothing interesting about them other than the fact that Grimm is able to have a child with his boyfriend even though they both are two stupid males,” Myla inquired before Grimm’s crusty, dry, uncared-for hand appeared. 

“I AM SINGLE!!!!!” screeched Grimm before smacking Myla and disappearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> grimm needs hand lotion


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> theatre.

“Leave me alone you evil creature, get out of my life you thing that is worse than Satan himself (“Hi,” said the Nightmare King), stop bothering me and forget about me, pretend I don’t exist,” Grimm muttered, holding up the Bug Bibble. The Nightmare King threw a boot at Marissa as Grimm threw 178 Bibles about the Nightmare King and Radiance, before teleporting away. 

“Precept 5897548973354: Make sure to stay in buzzsaws, drink your school, and don’t do orange juice,” said Zote to SOAP, who was listening intently though their teeth were currently being yanked out by Grimmothy. 

“WRONG!!! YOU MIXED IT ALL UP!!!” screamed the Radiance as she picked up Molly and slammed her onto Zote, crushing and killing him. Honret began screeching to the Radiance because that was the closest that the stupids had ever gotten to having Zote say something other than “Zote.” 

“I do not care, why don’t you say something other than ‘SHAW EGALE ADINO SHAW?’” the Radiance responded, causing Honret to sputter, “Shaw.” 

“Anyways, I have more important matters to discuss, so I am leaving for Grimm’s classroom! If any of you have an idea of what you could do to help me, recommend me somewhere that I can place the Nightmare King so that he doesn’t go full Mawlek-shit on me for giving him a crappy job!” With her last statement, the Radiance huffed and plopped Molly onto Tiso’s head before floating away. Tiso shrieked something before his lungs were collapsed due to the fat Mawlek being thumped on top of him. Hammer bowed and created a huge crater in Marissa’s classroom. 

_______________________________________________________________

“I will be in your brain for the next several centuries, occasionally popping out of your ears to murder a student or two,” The Nightmare King informed Grimm, “Oh, and I will be popping out for other things like shopping, but that’s about it.” He poofed away into Nightmare Essence. Grimm rubbed his temples like he had a bad headache. 

“Shut up,” He muttered under his breath as faint sounds of the song ‘Nightmare King’ was heard playing through his stupid head. 

“What in the hey just happened?” Tina asked as Carrie fell over a tuba and flipped it over onto Jared’s stinky leg. 

“Oh, the Nightmare King is apparently a substitute and then melted into Grimm’s head,” replied Quirrel, still in his weird pretzel tangled up rope pose. SOUP tripped over Quirrel and got stuck to a hole in the wall (made by Marissa just seconds ago). 

“Melted the like an rock SOUP,” asked Carrie, with her face stuck in a broken tuba. 

“Um... Yes, he did melt like one of Joth’s rocks after hitting... Ghost in the face?” 

“WHY ARE ALL OF YOU IDIOTS BACK?? I LITERALLY JUST FIXED THAT HOLE MINUTES AGO!” Grimm groaned in frustration, slamming his head onto the desk for what seemed like the fiftieth time today. The Nightmare King popped out of his head and told him something before disappearing again. Grimm shot up and smacked his head against the desk, this time harder.

“Get. Out. Of. MY HEAD!!” he shrieked madly while the students watched in horror. The Nightmare King suddenly teleported out of Grimm’s nonexistent ears somehow and smacked his hand against Grimm’s head, preventing him from slamming it onto the desk for the fifty-fifth time.

“You’re certainly more grumpy than usual,” the Nightmare King retorted as Grimm snarled like a weird racoon with stupid rabies, foaming mouth included. Shrugging, the Nightmare King then picked up some fallen instruments around Grimm’s desk and began inspecting them. Grimm’s students reluctantly went back to playing their pieces while Marissa’s students retreated back through the hole in the wall. 

“I-I would think it wise not to be in Grimm’s classroom when we aren’t supposed to be,” Quirrel stammered, traumatized from what he had just witnessed. 

“Agreeda,” said SOAP, who rolled into the classroom after Quirrel. Hornet started ranting about how SilkSong was most definitely ready soon so she could leave the school good riddance well too bad Hornet and the whole fandom SilkSong is not even close to ready yet. 

While the weird screeching from completely dead-beat Grimm was heard, the students began to hurriedly try and summon Snej to fix the wall before Grimm sent the Nightmare King after the students to rip their eyes out and shove the eyeballs into their noses.

“HOW SNEJ???” screamed Afro, panicking as the students skittered about, trying to find pencils and paper, “SNEJ??? SUMMON HOW??? HELP??”

“GIVE ME THAT,” Cloth yelled as she snatched the paper from Afro. Looking around frantically, horror dawned on her. There was not a single pencil in sight. 

“WHERE ARE THE PENCILS???” cried the Pale Lurker as she lifted Molly up to look underneath in case there were any pencils. 

“We don’t use pencils in choir/theatre, there’s no need to. Now, why are you all panicking? What is happening, and why are you trying to summon a centipede Demigod?” Marissa looked at her students, her concern for their mental health growing greater as they continued to topple about, shrieking to each other about pencils and whatnot. God Tamer let out a clear noise of frustration before stomping over to Grimmchild, who was busy ripping out Hammer’s teeth. She crossly pried open Grimmchild’s mouth and digged around in his throat before pulling out a stupid Primal Aspid and thumping back over to Cloth.

“Use this,” she suggested, holding out the stinky Primal Aspid that was covered in Grimmchild’s spit and weird flames. Cloth reluctantly took the disgusting Primal Aspid from God Tamer before scribbling a few words onto the paper. 

“WAT THE FRICK YOU YOU WANT? Snej, I summon thee!” shrieked Cloth, as Marissa looked at her stupid students, concern clearly written all over her face.

“Snej wants a table.” God Tamer looked at the paper in confusion, turning it over multiple times just to make sure that the Almighty fricking Centipede god of spikes and furniture wanted a stupid table.

“How are we going to get a table?!” Cloth asked, before SOAP slithered away and stole Grimm’s desk. A thump was heard as Grimm fell down, followed by a stupid teleporting noise as the Nightmare King poured out of his ears like stupid magma coming out of a smelly volcano. SOAP threw the table at the paper.

“SNEJ WE SUMMON THE E!” Some bricks rained down into the classroom, along with some other random things. Quirrel picked up Hammer and used them as a hammer. 

“Hey!” Grimm cried as he saw Snej flop away with his desk, “What in the hey are you stupids doing? Give me back my desk!”

“I have a jammed brain, please excuse me from class,” screeched SOAP before running out of the room with a broken nail and a bendy needle thwapping their fat forehead. Void leaked out of their cracked forehead as they screeched, “SNEJ THE WANTED IT SO MARISSA DOES THE NOT WILL THE BREAK MORE HOLES YOU SHODLE BEE THANKING ME!” 

“WHAT? NIGHTMARE KING, GET YOUR STUPID RED BUTT OVER HERE AND HELP ME GET MY DESK BACK! THAT THING WAS 700 GEO!”

“I will help clear a pathway!” sang Marissa, throwing 239 desks at the wall and completely obliterating it. Grimm let out a scream of anger and anguish before the Nightmare King grumpily picked him up and started stomping his way into Marissa’s classroom to boil everyone in there alive.

“MORE BRICKS!” screeched Hornet, throwing another broken desk on the Snej Paper, “MORE BRICKS! MORE BRICKS! ICE CUBES! NIGHTMARE KING REPELLENT!” She slammed 212 more of the desks onto the paper as a random Pale King bottle, as well as 9321 more bricks fell from the sky and toppled onto Tiso, killing him instantly. Hornet picked up the weird Pale Thing spray and sprayed it all over the classroom..

“I NEED MENTAL HELP!” screeched SOUP as the Nightmare King threw 37 fire bats at them. Suddenly, in a burst of fury, anger, and hate, all the Higher Beings within a 20-mile radius quickly teleported into the classroom and started screaming at each other.

“I SMELL THE PALE THING! GET HIM OUt OF HERE! OUT! OUT! OUT!” the Radiance screeched, “GET HIM OUT OF HERE!” 

“OUR KIN WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS IF THE DISGUSTING PALE THING IS HERE!” shrieked Unn, throwing up acid everywhere. 

“WHERE’S THE WRETCHED CREATURE!?” roared the Nightmare King, somehow 100x more infuriated even though that is pretty much impossible. “WHERE IS HE? I CRAVE FOR BLOOD!”

“YOU DID IT WRONG!” hollered Cloth over the screeching and wailing Higher Beings, “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SPRAY IT SOMEWHERE ELSE, BECAUSE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE THE HIGHER BEINGS GO THERE AND BREAK THE ROOMS!” 

“I DIDN’T KNOW! I DON’T LIKE READING INSTRUCTIONS!” Hornet yelled back while Grimm threw 293 chairs at her. Quirrel, still clutching Hammer, tried to fix the wall, only for it to be broken by Marissa. 

“Grimm! Help me out or something! The wall can’t be fixed if Marissa keeps breaking IT!” Quirrel shrieked, with Hammer thonking Marissa in the face. Grimm turned around. 

“GRIMMCHILD! GET OVER HERE AND RIP THIS WOMAN’S TEETH OUT! FOR ONCE, THAT’S ACTUALLY GOING TO BE USEFUL!” yelled Grimm as he stomped over to the raging Nightmare King, who was still bellowing about how much hatred he had for the Pale Thing while he set the room on fire along with the Radiance, Unn, Joth, and Snej.

“I ALREADY AM!” came the reply, as Grimmchild shoved a desk up Marissa’s throat and yanked out 4 molars. 

“STOP THIS OR I WILL DESTROY THIS CLASSROOM WITH A STUPID FRICKING BENCH!” boomed Joth the not really but still a Higher Being Higher Being, “IT’S REALLY ANNOYING!” 

“It really is annoying, can’t you stop it? I did ask for a table or desk, though,” Snej added. SOAP, getting hit by the Radiance, transformed into Bill the Stupid Lord and started screaming like a demented monkey. 

“YOU STUPID PEOPLE! GRIMM, YOU WANTED THE CLASSROOM TO STOP BREAKING. MARISSA BROKE A WALL, SO WE TOOK YOUR STUPID DESK TO FIX IT FOR BRICKS! YOU SHOULD BE THANKING US BECAUSE WE GOT YOU SOME STUPID FRICKING BRICKS TO FIX YOUR WALL!” 

“SHAWN! KILL SHAWN!” screeched Horner, “KILL SHAWN! NOT US!” Every student in the classroom nodded, murmuring yeses and “I completely agree”s. 

“WHO THE FU **_DOMA_ ** CK IS SHAWN?!” screamed the Nightmare King, punching a King’s Idol and throwing a chalkboard at Lurien. 

“Ow!” cried Lurien as the chalkboard smacked him in the face, “Who is Shawn, and what are you all doing here? I thought I smelled his Majesty around here, which is why I came!”

“Shawn is the Pale Thing,” answered Monomon, “It’s his name, according to Hornet, and the stupid man white thing  _ hates _ it.” 

“Nightmare King, there is no Pale Thing, it was just the smelly little student doing weird stuff with a stupid spray that for some reason smells like him,” Grimm said as he shook the Nightmare King’s shoulder. The Nightmare King rolled his eyes and melted back into Grimm’s ears, clearly forgetting the reason he was even there. As Grimm started shrieking at the Nightmare king that he needed to come back so that Grimm could finally have a stupid break from all of this nonsense, Quirrel began extending his limbs. With the brute force of a singing marker, Quirrel threw several bricks into the walls, only for them to immediately be knocked down by all the stupid desks that Marissa was chucking. 

“GRIMMCHILD, KEEP MARISSA IN CHECK!” Quirrel yelled as he tried and failed to repair the wall using a bunch of spikes that the Radiance sprayed everywhere along with Hammer. 

“AYE!” Grimmchild screamed back as he wiggled his way through all of the fallen debris everywhere and pried open Marissa’s mouth, stunning her for just long enough that Quirrel was able to repair some of the walls. 

“I USED TO LOVE GOING HERE AS A KID,” SAID HORNET LIKE A DYING BEANBAG IN ALL CAPS, “THIS CLASSROOM SMELLS LIKE ROTTING PEAS NOW.” 

“What?” 

“I AM EVOLVING, JUST BACKWARDS.” 

“I don’t understand-” 

“MY BRAIN IS MALFUNCTIONING AND I AM TRYING TO DISTRACT THE STUPID HIGHER BEINGS SO THEY DON’T KILL US ALL SO SHUT UP. THIS CLASSROOM STILL LOOKS LIKE MOLDY ONIONS AND SMELLS LIKE ROTTING BRAIN.” 

“How do you know what rotting brain smells like?” 

“MY BRAIN IS MELTING AND DRIPPING INTO MY EYES, AND IT TASTES TERRIBLE.” Hornet fell onto the floor and started flopping and convulsing like a fish, successfully confusing the Higher Beings, as well as Marissa. Quirrel was able to mend one section of the wall while Hornet screeched about dying onions and fairs. Meanwhile, Grimm tipped his head sideways and the Nightmare King oozed out menacingly. 

“Get the stupids away from my classroom if you really care about the wellbeing of my mental health!” Grimm screeched. The Nightmare King rolled his eyes before taking his normal shape and thumping over to the other Higher Beings, who were still yelling at Lurien for quitting and going to White Palace stupid school. 

“Grimm says that if you all must shriek at each other like dying elephants shoving cantaloupes up each other’s eye sockets, then do it somewhere not near his classroom,” the Nightmare King retorted irritably before the Radiance turned around to glare at him. 

“I DO NOT THE CARED WHAT YOUR BOYFRIEND (“NOOOOTTTT!!!” screamed Grimm as he threw a table in the Radiance’s direction.) SHRIKES ABOUT,” screamed the Radiance angrily as she stopped slamming a chalkboard into Lurien’s nose to yell at the Nightmare King. “WHY AREN’T YOU SHRIEKING AT LURIEN WITH US???? YOU TEACH ALONGSIDE OUR SCHOOL AND HATE THE PALE THING AS MUCH AS WE DO!!!”

“Aha, but here’s the thing!” the Nightmare King said with mock cheerfulness, his mood doing a full 180, “I’ll spell it out for you: I D-O N-O-T C-A-R-E.” 

“Idonotcare?” Lurien asked, attracting the Higher Beings’ attention back to him. “What does that mean?”

“I DON’T GIVE A F%%$@%$@CK ABOUT WHATEVER THE HELL YOU ARE ALL ARGUING ABOUT, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM GRIMM!” the Nightmare King screamed as he kicked Lurien out the window. The Higher Beings screamed in anger before going after Lurien, screeching about how they weren’t done with him yet. 

Lurien ran back to the White Palace in terror as the Higher Beings streamed after him, right on his tail. Grimm slammed his face against the floor, because there were no desks that weren’t being thrown by Marissa to break the wall that the students were trying to mend. The Nightmare King scowled before floating over to Marissa, glowering as Marissa happily continued to throw desks. He menacingly cracked his knuckles. Marissa uneasily turned to look at the Nightmare King, ceasing to throw desks. She nervously glanced at the Nightmare King, who was still just looking at her. Grimmchild quickly ripped out the last of Marissa’s teeth before flapping away to take safety somewhere. Students continued to scream at each other, some, however, stopping to watch the teachers’ interaction.

“Um,” said Marissa anxiously, “D-don’t hit me, I’m a girl!”

“Gender equality,” growled the Nightmare King as he neared Marissa. Marissa quickly noped out of the situation, running out of the ruined classroom as students looked at each other with confusion. The Nightmare King turned around to glare at the students, all of whom were trembling in terror except for Grimmchild, who was counting his teeth happily. The Nightmare King surveyed the classroom, hissing as he inspected the wreckage.

“Clean all of this up,” he snarled before sidling over to Grimm, who nodded at him with appreciation before they both retreated into his classroom. The students looked at each other before flopping out of their hiding places. 

“I?” Koi asked as Moi flopped out of a bench, pretending to be a shoe.

“Snej, I summon thee, what may you, the almighty god of furniture and roof spikes require in return of the favor we ask?” announced Cloth. After chanting the weird phrase, Cloth read the paper. She scratched her head before sighing and walking over to God Tamer. 

“Tables,” Cloth said tiredly. God Tamer shrugged before she, Pale Lurker, Quirrel, SOAP, and many other students plopped a bunch of unruined tables onto the stupid smelly paper. Snej poofed into the room. He picked up all of the tables and wreckage, muttering to himself about how they would make nice roof spikes. He then plopped all the stupid bricks into the wall, repairing the wall and cleaning up the wreckage. Muttering to himself about roof spikes and furniture, Snej disappeared once again, leaving the students to fend for themselves. 

“The wall is fixed, leave us alone we helped you!” screamed Cedrin as Grimm glared at the smelly Marissa who kept breaking the wall. 

“Yeah, yeah, just don’t go breaking the wall every day,” muttered Grimm before the wall was completely closed up. Marissa, who had returned halfway in the repairment of the wall looked around her own classroom, which had holes everywhere. The students started yelping and tried to repair the holes as quickly as possible. 

“I SEE 48 EAGLES ON THE LAMP, THEY LOOK LIKE CHEESE BITS!” hollered Hornet, falling onto the floor and smacking Marissa’s eyes with her needle so Marissa would look at the ceiling for a while, “DO YOU SEE THEM? THAT ONE LOOKS LIKE A CARROT DIPPED IN DISGUSTING VOID! AMAZING! ARE YOU MADE OF JELLYFISH?” She paused, taking a breath, and Quirrel motioned for her to continue distracting Marissa. 

“WOW,” Hornet hit Marissa’s eyes again and used one of Quirrel’s legs to tie Marissa up while she looked for rope. “WOW DID YOU SEE THOSE WOW AMAZING LOOK AT THAT THERE ARE 288 PENGUINS THAT aRE MADE OF MAGGOTS FLYING OUT THE WINDOW!” After tying Marissa up, Hornet kicked her out the window and ran out of the classroom, screaming something about Lace is so useless she could have done something but no she just sits there like a lazy little stupid piece of foot fungus in some stupid guy’s shoe. 

“Are the shoes of the made cabbage?” asked SOP, flopping over to the Science classroom, “does MONOMON know The Lurien replaced ment who?” 

“Um… Uh oh, does that mean what I think it does?” asked Quirrel, coming to the same conclusion as several other students who were wondering who would replace Lurien, “Is the Nightmare King the substitute for Math until they find a good teacher?” SOAP started sweating nervously and ran out of the school building, screaming a mix of, 

“NOT SOAP SOUP ETC,” “JOTH AWAY GO STOP HITTING ROCKS ME WITH,” and “MIGHTNARE GING KRIMM BAD.” 

The remaining students, who had decided not to run away screaming, were walking down the hall towards the Science classroom. 

“I’m burrowing away when it’s Math class,” declared Cloth suddenly, “I’m not going to deal with the Nightmare King.” She jumped away and burrowed a hole to demonstrate that nobody would ever be able to find her. 

“You are all acting so weird, Math is literally last period and this is Second period, which is Science with Monomon!” exclaimed Respo, who was trying to restrain Rainle from nabbing Quirrel’s calendar.

“Why do you all loathe Dad 2 so much? He isn’t that bad,” Grimmchild retorted as he counted his teeth. Everybody turned around to stare at him. Grimmchild shuffled uncomfortably as everyone had their eyes trained on him, ranging from confusion to worry to more confusion. 

“What?” Grimmchild asked as everyone stared at him, “Why are you all staring at me like I’m crazy?” 

“Because you are crazy?” God Tamer replied as her beast fell onto Tiso and smushed him again. “What makes you think that the Nightmare King isn’t the pure embodiment of the devil? He acts like it, he talks like it, darn, he even looks like the devil! The man is nuts, and he enjoys setting children on fire and killing people!”

“Don’t your parents do that too?” asked Grimmchild as Pale Lurker toppled from the smelly ceiling and crushed one of Lace’s pet flies. 

“Ah, now I know where Grimmchild gets those violent tendencies from,” Quirrel muttered to himself, still writing down notes, “... definitely from the Nightmare King. I’m guessing he gets his personality from Grimm, perhaps? They both seem to like slapping people…”

“SHUT UP! MY POOR FLY IS DEAD!” shrieked Lace, pushing Honret down the stairs, “AND IT’S ALL HER FAULT!” 

“But Hornet didn’t do anything-”

“ITS HER FAULT! EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS HER FAULT!” 

“So, does anyone want to hear Dad 2’s favorite pickled child soup recipes? Or hear about the time he wanted to make Quirrel into pickled child soup and then Dad 1 yelled about how pickles were disgusting and boiled child was much tastier?” Grimmchild asked, watching Lace run around shrieking about her poor dead flies. 

“Well, you certainly are all quite lively today,” Monomon said as she smacked the smelly students into her classroom using her second yardstick, “Which is quite nice, might I add, because we will be doing an experiment using SOUL today with the assistance of the Soul Master.”

“No? Fine, I’ll explain why Dad 2 wanted to make Quirrel into soup-” 

“I AM NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTT SOOOOOOUPUPUPUPPP!” 

“I  _ know _ ! Shut up!” 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> science, oh boy! plus some weird lore and theories i wormed in while i was at it. SOUL, Void, and Essence interactions are interesting, you cannot blame me.

“Save the energy for LATER, you smelly wads of dirt! This is not P.E, nor is it detention or National Nightmare King massacres Everybody Day, so shut up!” Monomon grabbed the students and tossed them onto their desks. Jake made a splatting noise as he landed on Dave’s toenail. Deduline ate chalk happily as Clover rolled around the tables, throwing up infection everywhere.

“You literally just said that it was a good thing that we are all so active today, though-” Millybug said before Grimmchild cut her off.

“But the Quirrel soup story is such a fun one! Apart from the Dad 2 burning down an entire police station part, it’s really mellow and kind of funny compared to the rest!” protested Grimmchild, holding up a charred cookbook and some teeth. SOAP stared at a bottle of hand sanitizer and started trying to figure out whether they should be offended and screaming or not. 

“QuirrelSOUP sounds like a weird ugly ship,” Severin commented as Zemmoth’s stinky spikes hit Yvette in the face.

“Sock,” said Hive Knight. Grimm’s stupid smelly hand appeared from the portal and was about to smack Hive Knight, but then Hive Knight screeched, “I never said anything about you or the stupid Nightmare King, so leave me alone!” Grimm reluctantly retreated his floppy arm back into the portal, scowling as his students flung tubas and pianos across the room. 

Once Grimm’s stupid portal had disappeared, Hive Knight yelled, “QUIRRELSOUP MAY BE A NICE SHIP, BUT NIGHTMARE KING IS MARRIED TO GRIMM!” Grimm flopped out of another portal and shot Hive Knight in the head before slapping his corpse and jumping back into his stupid portal to his classroom.

“NOT SOUP! NOT SHIP! GROSS!” shrieked SOAP, throwing the bottle of hand sanitizer out the window. They saw another bottle and threw it as well. 

“Um… SO-I mean, Ghost is my best friend, but it’s kind of wrong to ship 14-year-olds,” Quirrel said nervously as he looked at Hive Knight’s corpse on the floor. 

“Wait, how old are we, though? Canonically we’re like 29 mentally or something, but I’m 14 right now but I’m mostly normal me-” Cloth started, beginning to realize that she was also canonically dead. Myla and Quirrel stared at her, Myla’s eyes turning orange and her body morphing into that of a very buff man’s. 

“What,” said Lace as she began to fade away. 

“NOOOOOOOOOO, SILKSNOG!” shrieked SOAP angrily as all the other stupid Silksong characters started to go poof. 

“NOTTTTTTTT CANON!” screeched Koi, “Scoolverse, SHOOLVERSE! SHHOOOLVARSE, NOOOOOOOOOOT CANON! STUPID!” Lace and all the Silksong characters then began to fade back in because of Koi’s satanic chanting. Hornet screamed in happiness, for she was now able to smack Lace’s fat forehead 50 times in a row again. 

“Saved,” sighed Trobbio as Myla morphed back into a normal Myla instead of stupid infected buff thing Myla straight from Hell. 

“Well, that was a very enlightening conversation about whether we are actually dead or alive and if the authors of this fic are sane or not, but now we must all shut up so we can learn about SOUL,” Monomon snapped as Soul Master floated into the room, muttering, “MMMMMMMMMMMPH”s and “MHMZHMMHMHMHMMHMHMHMHMhmhhmmhhmmhmMMMMMMMMMM”s. 

“You are sound the constipation,” Dave noted as Blossom clogged the toilet that Soul Master was carrying with him for some reason, “Iiiiiiiiiiiiii-”

“MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!” Soul Master declared, interrupting Dave’s weird mooing noises.

“You really do sound constipated, and the toilet you carry around doesn’t help it,” Monomon remarked to Soul Master, who was now sitting on the toilet, muttering, and throwing SOUL at people. 

“SOLE? Foot as in? Bottom?” SOAP inquired as they held up one of Grimm’s stupid boots that he uses to toss at annoying people and smack themself in the face with it. 

“NO, SOUL! As in the thing that you use to cast spells and do stupid stuff with, such as focusing and healing! Gosh darn, no wonder all of you are so hyperactive, none of you have any SOUL to help focus!” Monomon huffed before smiling to herself for making a terrible pun. Quirrel smiled at her enthusiastically and pretended to laugh alongside her because he was not a terrible being, unlike some of the stupid students.

“I do not have a soul nor do I have SOUL,” Dave said blankly as he sat like a melted puddle of infection because he was in fact a melted puddle of infection.

“Egdy,” Grimmchild said before he flopped over to Dave and robbed him of his molar privileges.

“SOUL is the can be collected from other bugs threw hitting them like a meanie,” Soul Master said informatively as he smacked Erith’s nonexistant nose before casting a stupid smelly spell. “SomOeM spells can be healing and stuff or revival and more weird stuff, like how the Nightmare King and Grimm teleport around like dying walruses, and also how the Nightmare King brings Grimm back to life. Another oogd dexample would be when the Radiance summons her weird needly weapony thingies that i forgot the name of or whatever, spikes? No idea! I just know that she summons them, and they are from spells!”

“Why does your dialogue sound like you are having a stroke?” Cloth asked as Soul Master sucked in a deep breath because of how much information he had blabbered about smelly SOUL.

“Iut is 8:42 pm on a Sunday knight whens the are should be showering and after hit head on floor,” Koi barked like a frog running after some trees with legs, “Do not the judge!” Cloth rolled her eyes before settling on the other side of the room to listen to Soul Master’s weird introduction on SOUL, which was actually kind of interesting.

“Another way SOUL can be used! Damage, or harmful spells, like the ones that the Snail Shamans cast to help others with strength and abilities! SOAP, for example-”

“I AM NOOOOOT SOAP!!!!”

“-has several spells that they have been enhanced by! It used to be just SOUL that was collected and conjured from the Snail Shamans, but now it’s been twisted by the nature of their void! Of course, Snail Shamans aren’t the only ones who have mastered the use of SOUL, there’s the Nightmare Kingdom, Godseekers who probabloy have some weird spell to link their minds, the Radiance, pretty much all the Higher Beings, and of course, pupils of the Soul Sanctum,” Soul Master blabbered happily, taking in a deep breath before continuing. “There are many, many, many interesting things that you can do with SOUL. From using it to manipulate however you want to control it to pleading the Higher Beings for a raise, you can do many things with SOUL! Oh, and did I mention? It’s possible to warp your spells to cast stronger ones! I did actually mention this already, but I didn’t go into much detail, so I might as well right now. SOAP was able to-”

“NOT SOAP, YOU BRAINLESS BEHEMOTH!!!”

“-warp their own spells into that of a much stronger one!” Soul Master exclaimed happily, ignoring SOAP’s screeches and wails. “Grimm was able to do this as well, though his source of fire spells would be from the Nightmare King, who is pretty much the god of fire and nightmares, so yeah. The Radiance can cast beams of light from her forehead, but little did you know, that’s only possible because of SOUL! Without it, she would basically just be blinding you instead of scorching you to death. Higher Beings really don’t know how much they rely on SOUL, especially those that use spells the most often. I’m sure the Nightmare King doesn’t know very much about SOUL, though he does tend to use his fire spells on the students a lot.”

Quirrel raised his hand.

“Alright, but what exactly is SOUL?” Quirrel inquired as everyone watched him write down like 50 notes.

“Ah, now we are getting deep into the studies,” Soul Master said before he ran over to the chalkboard and drew some really bad drawings of bugs on it. He then pointed to a drawing of Gorb. “SOUL, like essence, is something that every bug has inside of them. Essence would be the mind, basically your thoughts and your dreams. That is where most Higher Beings dwell. However…” he pointed towards the drawing of Dung Defender, “SOUL is your life source. Even after death, SOUL runs through your body, enabling you to be revived because SOUL searches. Once the body of some bug has died…” Soul Master then signaled to the drawing of Grimm and Grimmchild, “The SOUL of the bug, or at least what’s left of it is then released. The SOUL then searches for where their owner’s body would reappear with the help of Essence, which holds memories, enabling the SOUL to form itself into the bug who died, running through their exoskeleton as a new life force. The Essence restores their memories and helps them keep shape. SOUL is very important for the well-being of bugs. Without it, everyone would just be empty husks with nothing to do. So, to put it simply, SOUL is our life force. Some have stronger life forces than others, and there are some who are so well protected that even the purest nail and strongest Shaman Charm can’t draw any SOUL out of their body. However, that would be when SOUL manipulation and spells would come in handy.” Everyone looked at each other in awed silence. Monomon silently prayed that they would stay like this for the rest of the period, listening to Soul Master’s weird jabber about SOUL and life forces instead of throwing socks and bits of moldy cheese at each other like last period. Suddenly, Grimmchild morphed into Grimm. 

“Darn,” Grimm said before throwing up another Grimmchild and teleporting away. 

“A spectacular demonstration of revival! That right there was the work of SOUL, dear students!” Soul Master exclaimed as if Grimm flopping into the classroom and throwing up a child was the best thing to ever happen since the time the Pale Thing was fired from being the Principal of the Hallownest School.

“More or less,” came a slithery voice from the ceiling. Everyone looked up to see the Nightmare King, who was sitting cross-legged in midair. The Nightmare King looked at the students with disgusted expressions before surveying Soul Master suspiciously.

“While yes, SOUL is quite important, I ask of you to recognize the importance of Essence as well,” the Nightmare King said slowly, glancing at Soul Master. “A bug without their mind would be like a tiktik with no legs. You need a mind in order to survive, which would be one of the only things that I may be grateful for the arrival of the Pale Creature. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have nearly as much fun setting fire to stupid students such as you all.” The Nightmare King looked coldly down at the students, all of whom seemed to become increasingly more nervous.

“There are two types of Essence, to be exact. Normal Essence, such as that of the Radiance the other Higher Beings, and Nightmare Essence. The Essence that my kingdom produces. The Higher Beings such as I and the Radiance are the basic keepers of the Essence, the ones who control with power. However, it is also dutiful of us to keep out egos in check, otherwise, the results of the Canon Universe would happen,” The Nightmare King hissed, still floating nonchalantly. “Although, I must indeed say that it is quite ironic to see that I, the Nightmare King, the literal God of Nightmares was the only one in the Canon Universe who was able to repress my urge to ravage Hallownest and take control of it myself.”

“Yeahs, but you’re are ego was so big that even yuo weren’t able to resist going to Godhome and trying to beat up SOAP,” Dave pointed out, earning him a death glare from the Nightmare King. 

“I AM NOT SOAP!” screeched SOAP.

“Go back to Grimm’s classroom and go shove a fireball up his nose or something,” Monomon yelled as she waved a yardstick in the air, making shooing motions with her foot, “We are learning about SOUL, not Essence! That is for another time!” The Nightmare King stuck his tongue out at Monomon before disappearing in a puff of Nightmare Essence.

“RONG!” shrieked SOAP, who was rolling around on the floor like a drunk shoe, “WRONG! NOT I!!! SOUL NOT LIFE FORCE!!!!”

“What,” Soul Master asked, looking around the room to see if anybody understood whatever the heck SOAP was trying to say. 

“Er- my friend here is apparently saying that… SOUL is not their life force?” Quirrel said as SOP nodded vigorously. “But…. how is it not your life force? Soul Master literally just said that it’s everyone’s life force!”   


“Not everyone’s,” Monomon said grumpily as she tapped on the chalkboard with her yardstick to get everyone’s attention. “You see, vessels are made of void. That’s their life source, so they do not need SOUL. However, I think they collect it just for the sake of having the ability to do spells or whatnot. It’s the same with stupid Mightnare Ging Krimm and the stupid Radiance. They’re both purely made out of Essence, but they use SOUL to enhance their powers and blah blah blah whatnot. Now shut up, Soul Master will teach more about this later.”

“I actually never knew that,” Soul Master said as Monomon tapped the blackboard again with her stupid yardstick.

“Seriously? Then you really aren’t a Soul Master.”

“QUESTION! How is SOUL able to be turned into a spell? AND WHAT IS SOUL MANIPULATION???!!!!” Rainle shouted from the other end of the room. 

“Question, why must you make my ears bleed?” Lace barked like a caterpillar drinking helium. 

“Question: why must  _ you _ make  _ my _ ears bleed, you smelly fly conductor?” screeched Hornet, thwacking her head all over the chalkboard to assert dominance or something because a terrified chalkboard was just what she needed. 

“Well, to answer Rainle’s question, SOUL, as mentioned before, is a life source. It contains huge amounts of energy which is required in order for it to power our bodies. So, by using a spell, it draws SOUL from the depths of our bodies, then releases it in whatever way the spell wants you to, such as healing, damage spells, enhancement, etcetera,” Soul Master said informatively.

“He doesn’t sound like he’s constipated while having a seizure anymore!” noted Respo. 

“SOAP has a void life source though, so why can’t they just use that stuff for spells and such?” Quirrel asked, before apologizing profusely to SOAP. 

“Aren’t SOUL and Void like… basically the same things, except Void is corrupted SOUL or something something?” Cloth asked as she too wrote down notes alongside Quirrel. 

“No idea!” exclaimed Soul Master. “I am the Soul Master, not the Void and Essence and other weird stuff Master!”

“Well, in order to be the Master of SOUL, I would deeply inform you to learn about the other weird stuff as well,” Monomon said before pushing Soul Master out of the way so that she could address her class. “Alright you pungent little pricks, imagine this as a shelf.” Monomon drew a small sketch of a shelf that was divided into three sections. “The topmost section would be Essence, the section in the middle would be Void, and the section at the bottom would be SOUL.”

“Oh, ranking them now, are we?” Soul Master shrieked angrily because he clearly thought that SOUL was like the most awesome thing ever.

“No.” Monomon smacked his face with her yardstick before turning around to point at the weird drawing again. “Now, imagine a bug underneath the shelf, carrying the stupid weight. If you do not have Void, then your shelf will be only two sections. The closest stupid item to you would be SOUL, regardless of who the heck you are unless you’re like a Higher Being or something, then that would be Essence. SOUL is the easiest to draw out, which is why we use it for spells or whatever, and it’s a very common substance as well as a very powerful one, so blah blah blah, SOUL good. Anyways, Cloth, you are partially correct. The Void inside of the vessels would be corrupted SOUL. However, normal, pure Void is plainly Void and nothing more. Void, being the second stupid thingy on the shelf if you are a vessel is the second most easy to withdraw. If you are not a vessel, then you will die because you are not Void and it would take too much of your life source, so you’d just flop over and die every time you try to summon Void. However, if you are a vessel or if your egg has been corrupted by Void like what the Pale Creature did, good for you! Free spell enhancement with the occasional knock-out because Void is still stupid and powerful.”

“Madam? But what about the Higher Beings? You said that they use Essence instead of SOUL?” Quirrel asked, raising his hand. Monomon paused for a second before speaking again.

“Well, Higher Beings dwell in the mind, do they not? Therefore, Essence would be whatever whatever blah blah blah, their Life Source. In a way, that does mean that they aren’t born with SOUL because then they would have no physical embodiment. However, some Higher Beings feel that they need to be seen physically as well, not just in the mind. Therefore, they gain their SOUL through weird practices or something.”

“Oh, oh! I know something about this!” Grimmchild cried excitedly as he flopped over to Tiso and ripped out his teeth before Molly fell from the sky and squashed them both. One of Grimm’s stupid portals then opened up before Grimmchild was tossed back into the Science classroom by Grimm’s stupid hand. The portal then closed. 

“Alright, so Dad 2 told me that he needs to collect Essence or something something because he needs it for enhancement of his powers! He says that he collects the Nightmare Essence which he then uses to convert into raw enhancement abilities that he can distribute to Grimm and me or something so that we can also live immortally or something! So, I think that he may be converting the Essence into SOUL if that makes any sense, but I think it makes sense!” Grimmchild continued to plop around happily, ripping out the teeth of his peers.

“Well then, kudos for Grimm and the stupid Nightmare King! That is quite correct! Essence can indeed be converted into SOUL, but Essence is still much, much more powerful than SOUL.” Monomon tapped on the chalkboard with one of her toes as Grimmchild flopped over and yanked out her Incisors.

“If Essssssssssence issssss more powerful, then why don’t we jussst usssssse that?” Zemmoth asked.

“Because if we tried to do that on a daily basis, we would die! Only Higher Beings are able to do that!” Monomon exclaimed as SOAP slapped her with a Dreamnail. 

“Wait, but SOAP is slapping you with a Dreamnail and clearly drawing Essence and thoughts out of you,” Cedrin pointed out before SOAp waddled over to him and threw up some Void into his face for calling them SOAP.

“Because they have a Dream nail!” Monomon said, unusually cheerful,  _ “I really could be using this time right now to construct a laser that would kill us all, but for some reason, I choose to teach instead,”  _ her thoughts told the students. 

“I don’t actually know how Dreamnails work, but I do know that the Seer knows quite a bit more about Essence than I do. I only know the small basics like this, but as much as I hate to admit it, the Nightmare King is quite knowledgeable of these substances. Void especially, he witnessed the whole ordeal of the Vessels and such, according to what he told me,” Monomon said as God Tamer turned around to flick Tiso in the eye with a rubber band.

“Why isn’t the Nightmare King a main teacher? He has so much stupid knowledge about the world, he even knows about the smelly Civilizations before the start of Hallownest! Heck, he’s the one who kidnapped Grimm from his stupid village that was from far away or whatever, he’s must have traveled the whole world at this point! HE EVEN KNOWS A WHOLE TRUCKLOAD OF STUFF ABOUT MUSIC AND MATH, HOW IS HE NOT A TEACHER!!!???” the Pale Lurker shrieked, taking in a deep breathe after spewing out her whole tirade.

“Angery,” Dave said, shuddering as he remembered the Nightmare King screeching and throwing desks everywhere because he was mad that somebody had chucked a pen at him. 

“Hey, doesn’t Grimm and the Radiance know about stuff too?” Severin asked as Clover snatched a few cookies from Myla, who took them from Millybug.

“Yeah, Grimm knows as much about the world as the Nightmare King, but he’s stupid and secretive or whatever because it involves him or something. He is willing to tell people about SOUL and Void and Essence and stuff, though. However, the Radiance is kind of better because she knows the exact same amount of Knowledge about Hallownest and stuff as the Nightmare King. But then, she hasn’t been all over the stupid smelly world like Grimm has, so when it comes to outside of the walls of Hallownest, she just shrugs and shoots some weird spike thingies at you,” Grimmchild said informatively before turning around to rip out Terzu’s teeth. “Unn, though. She knows a looooooot about biology and the formation and Science of making stuff or whatever, so you can ask her about the convergence of Essence to SOUL or something.” 

“I am going to ask the Seer about this later,” Quirrel muttered to himself as SOAP leaned over his shoulder to look at all the stupid notes he had written down, “This is all so interesting! Perhaps I will try to probe the Nightmare King later as well since he supposedly knows a lot about Void and Nightmare Essence.”

“I want to be present as well, SOA-I mean, Ghost puzzles me as much as the Nightmare King and Radiance do,” Cloth said as she ran over to Quirrel to compare notes with him.

“IIII KNOW!! KNOW I!!!! ESSENCE GO TO SOUL TO MAKE CREATION OF BUGSSS! RADIANCE DOES’NT LIKE THE OTHERTHROW THOUGHTS, SO SHE MAKE THEM DUMB! BIIIIIG DUMB!!!” SOAP screeched informatively, “STUPID SMELLY PALE DAD COMES ALONG, GIVES THEN MIND TO THINK! THEY DITCH STUPID RADIANCE! NIGHTMARE KNIG AND GRIMM WATCH THIS HAPPEN WHILE EATING POPCORN! VERY ENTERTAINING FOR THEM!!1!1!!”

“Wait, wait wait, let me write that all down!” Quirrel exclaimed as he scribbled frantically on his paper. “I never knew that you knew so much about Void and Essence! Tell me more!”

“So the Nightmare King and Grimm find all of this very entertaining?” Erith asked as Grimmchild pried open his mouth and took his molars, “I mean, pretty much sounds like them. But was there ever any overthrow or whatever in their kingdom? The Nightmare Kingdom?”

“Nope!” Grimmchild said cheerfully, “Dad 2 rules the Nightmare Kingdom or whatever, but he gives them options if they want to see the world or not. The Troupe is basically like his best way to get resources, both for Essence and for other stuff like food and cool weapons and stuff that the Nightmare Kingdom might want. He basically kind of runs like a business with his Kingdom. They stay loyal to him, and he gives them their basic needs and stuff with all the freedom they want. Also, he gives them intelligence or whatever so that they can think or something something, which I guess kinda makes him a good ruler, but then he also has that weird thing that he does with villages.”

“Pardon, but may I ask what weird thing?” Quirrel asked as he pulled out more paper.

“Oh, if a kingdom annoys him or something, then he kills the leader and takes the kingdom as his own. The Kingdom can either choose to be loyal to him and be a part of the Nightmare Kingdom, or they all die.” 

“That’s…. Really harsh,” Cloth said softly.

“Yeah, but the newcomers aren’t slaves or anything, they get the basic rights as of everybody in his Kingdom. Of course, they do get some backlash, but the Nightmare King doesn’t really tolerate that, so there are strict rules about treating each other fairly and such and such, otherwise, you get your head cleaved right in half.” Grimmchild continued to slide around the room, ripping out teeth and counting the pile.

“Wait, but if he’s such a great ruler, then why the heck is be being a butthole to us students and our kingdom?” God Tamer asked.

“He’s a hypocrite. He doesn’t want there to be chaos in his kingdom because you know, it’s HIS kingdom and he’s the ruler, so he doesn’t want to deal with all that stupid stuff. But also because he tries not to break a promise. Even though he’s super sadistic and loves killing and stuff, he keeps his promise. He promised in his Kingdom that as long as they followed the rules and did what he asked of them, then they would be unharmed. So, he’s keeping that promise by taking out his anger on another Kingdom instead!”

“That’s lovely, but now we are getting off-topic,” Monomon said as she tapped the chalkboard. “Enough about Hallownest being bullied by the Nightmare King because he doesn’t want to break a stupid promise, we are talking about SOUL. Now, All of you know about spells and such, correct? Now that you know the basics, you are going to be paired up with a partner. Everyone has SOUL, it’s our life force. So, naturally, when you are hit, your enemy collects your SOUL as your health depletes. That’s how it works. Since we do not have enough time to hit each other and screech about how awesome it is to harass others just for the purpose of using a small spell to make your stupid plants grow, Soul Master is going to distribute you all with enough SOUL to cast three spells. Be very, very, very careful, and don’t hit anyone with the spell, otherwise, your SOUL privileges will be taken away and you will be given detention. Also, you will be receiving instructions that tell you how to conjure different spells. Only try the basic ones such as Focus, Vengeful Spirit, Howling Wraiths, and Desolate Dive.” Monomon then got up and began passing out weird jars full of SOUL and papers with spell instructions to each student along with Soul Master.

“But I wanted to hit my friends and screech about how I depleted their life force to make a tiny plant grow faster by 0.0003240000000000001%!” whined Grimmchild, yanking out Monomonomon’s teeth. 

“No,” Soul Master said before tossing a jar at Grimmchild. Grimmothy grumpily caught the jar before flopping over to pair up with Ivy, who also had a jar.

“We are going to make stupid spells and you children are going to make predictions,” Monomon stated. “Like, you are going to cast a spell and write down several questions about it, then you and your partner will make a hypothesis based on the stuff that Soul Master and I have told you as well as the stuff you have learned from past classes.” 

Finette cast a vengeful spirit.

“Uh, why didn’t it break any desks or anything?” Zara asked as Jake ate his jar of SOUL.

“Because Finette is weak,” Monomon snapped, “Anyways, get going, you stinky children! We don’t have all day, carry on!” The children began casting spells, looking in confusion at each other before writing down a bunch of stupid notes and questions. Scuttle flipped over on his back as he attempted to do a desolate dive. 

“NO YOU IDIOT YOU CANT DO A DIVE IF YOU DONT BEET UP THE SOUL MASTER-” screeched Afro in confusion before Scuttle somehow dived through the floor and landed on Krea’s head. 

“HEY! STOP LANDING ON MY SISTER!” shrieked Frea, who was Krea’s twin. 

“I’m not weak!” said Finette, replying too late for anyone to figure out what she meant. 

“What,” said Lemm, who was in the class below. Suddenly, Scuttle was flung back up into Monomon’s classroom before Snej appeared and repaired the hole. Hammer began writing down a few questions since they were paired with Scuttle.

“Wait, what did he demand this time?” asked Cloth as Quirrel started rummaging around the classroom for something. 

“No idea, Snej was summoned from someone in the classroom below, not from us,” God Tamer said as Pale Lurker conjured a smelly key somehow using SOUL.

“Is are how can crush busszaw using Dive from how power cracking floor?” Hammer muttered to themself as they wrote a few questions on Scuttle’s forehead, “Can? Buzzsaw strong very, Scuttle’s head fatter!”

“What happened to all the paper?” shouted Monomonomon, “IT’S GONE!” Rainle looked down sheepishly as Respo tried to figure out how to get all the paper back after he had somehow made a weird spell that got rid of all the paper.

“How’s this even possible?” Respo cried, her claws making clicking noises as she threw a jar of SOUL at SOAP, “I don’t even know what you did that made all the paper disappear!” Rainle shrugged. He was just as confused as everyone else.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> end of science class plus recess. jake enjoys collecting faces.

“Shaw,” said Hornet as she and Lace, somehow getting along for once, were trying to figure out a spell to make Zote say something other than “Zote.” Screeching, Hornet killed SOAP, stuffed their Shade in the jar of SOUL, threw up a Dreamnail, shoved some Essence into the jar, and stuffed it up Zote’s eye. 

“TOEZ!?” stammered Zote, rolling upside down and transforming into Reyg Rincpe Toez. His black arm exploded before forming back and started spitting up random globs of SOUL like a SOUL Totem. He then got stuck to the roof and screeched, 

“VOIVOIVOIVOVIOVIVOIVOVIOVIOVIVOVIOVIVOIVOVIOIVOI THE TH EHTE THE THE THE THE the the the teh the the hte ht ehthehh who who who ZTEO ZTEO MIGHTYEYY RADALIGHTFORGETOTTENABSOLTUEKNGIHTNIGHTMAREGRINIMMPALEWYRMTHEKFING?” Sputtering random bits of Void, SOUL, and small globs of Essence. Zote rolled up and down the walls, licking the chalkboard. 

“Hooray! We did it!” cheered Hornet, giving Lace a high five before announcing, “After we make the notes we can continue trying to murder each other!” Lace nodded and began scribbling notes like a madwoman so that she could kill Hornet the Stinky Spider soon. 

“III i ii nNAO NEO NEO ENOW OCN FIW DIJININININI AEUGH@,” screeched Zote, still running up the walls, coughing up SOUL, Void, and some Essence. 

“Incredible, I wonder what triggered that?” Quirrel wondered aloud as he watched Zote have a seizure and throw up wads of random materials like rotting bits of cheese along with the SOUL, Void, etc. 

“MONOMON, MONOMON, MONOMON,” chanted the fat jellyfish things in MONOMON’s fish tank before SOAP fell out of the jar that was stuffed into Zote’s eyehole. Screeching like a dead pig trying to massage its feet, SOAP started hitting the jellyfish and murdering all her test tube creatures using the Dreamnail somehow. 

“RUDE! NO ALL CAPS NAME! LIKE SOAP SOUP SOP SOPA EW! NO! DON OT! RUDE! STUPID! MEAN! BOO! NOOOOOOOT SSSSOOOOOAP!!!” They screeched, smashing a display of the exoskeleton of a Tiktik open. Monomon gasped and kicked SOUP out of the room. 

“Don’t you dare ruin any more of my displays!” Monomon snapped, kicking SOUP some more and attempting to snatch their nail and Dreamnail away, “You’re getting detention, which is managed by the stupid Nightmare King, who has  _ access to the White Palace _ , which has  _ millions of buzzsaws _ , and you are getting detention  _ for the whole month _ !” 

SOAP groaned and threw up some Void on Monoman’s foot. 

“Why does the Pale Thing even let the Nightmare King use his stupid White Palace?” Deduline asked as he wrote down a few questions.

“I’s not im am sure even he knows the,” Blossom said informatively. “Not care I, though, know he doesn’t that i am the clogging toilets!”

“The Pale Thing apparently isn’t even aware that the Nightmare King is using his palace, which might be due to the fact of the loud stupid noises of the buzzsaws and spikes everywhere to accompany the ridiculously large size of the palace,” Quirrel translated while writing down notes and questions at the same time using his pretzel powers.

“Oh, I know the the,” Moi screeched, “ONce a a a a a a a a the the GrightKare Ming Nimm sead taht the the ‘Do the I can have use CASTLE YOUR?’ the the Pale Thing said ‘yes’ because thought that he the was ordering the 292929299292929292929299292929299 busszaws.” 

“OOH OOH OOH!” shrieked Koi like a possessed monkey on cocaine, “THNE PLAE CREETURE SIAD AFTER REALISSING HE ISNT THE GET BUZSZAWS, ‘YUO ARE GET OUT UNLESS TO THE FOOT FUNGUS LAND U GOOOOO!’ BUT GRIGHTNARE NING KRIMM YELLOED, ‘no u’ BECUZ HE WAS SOOOOOOOOOO POWERFUL LIEK GRIMCHILD SIAD AND WAS MEAN MENA BULLY! THE PALE THING CRY, CRY VERY MUCH LIKE GRIMM A SOBGING UNDERNEATH A MONKEY TREE! ‘BULLY!’ HE SCREECH, ‘MENA! NOOOO! FINE YUO ARE MEAN! NO SLAVERY! IIIIII,’ THEN MIGHTGARE NING KRIM USE WHITE PALCE! VERY MAKE SENSE STORY, AMAZING!” Moi nodded like a screeching 2 month old baby that ate a dog and had a bottle of tea shoved up its nose while it was trying to crawl up a piano’s leg hair. 

“So, the Nightmare King threatened to overthrow the Pale King and put everyone inhabiting Hallownest in slavery if he wasn’t allowed to use the White Palace for agonizing torture methods? Sounds canon,” Cloth said as Tiso nodded. God Tamer threw a shoe full of SOUL across the room as Molly fell from the sky and crushed the Pale Lurker by accident, who she thought was Tiso. Tiso cackled like a homeless man eating a tooth. 

“Did I mention that Dung Defender was a cop and yelled at Dad 2 when he burned down the police station and somehow didn’t get brutally murdered? Incredible, right? Like, even  _ I _ get brutally murdered if I throw a toothpick at him!” Grimmchild yammered to nobody in particular. 

“Isn’t that child abuse?” Myla asked as Bretta rolled around, shooting vengeful spirits everywhere. Zote started muttering and spewing out bits of SOUL, Void, and Essence everywhere again, and students ran around trying to collect it. 

“No,” Grimmchild said, “Not really, since I’m fine, and it’s normal, so-” 

“THAT’S NOT NORMAL! NOT NORMAL AT ALL!” 

“I am alive?” Grimmchild said confusedly. “And I mean, it’s not like he does it every day, that was the only time he actually ended my life. And it was kinda an accident, he was trying to take away my arms so that I wouldn’t throw stuff but accidentally killed me by shooting a fireball instead. He said sorry a lot of times, and Grimm smacked his mask which then fell off and flew away like a bird. That part was really weird.”

“What?” asked Quirrel, “Mask fell off? It’s a mask?” 

“What,” Grimmchild said back. 

“What,” said Myla, who was also confused. 

“OTEZ,” said Zote the random things spewer. 

“I AM NOT SOAP!!!!” shrieked SOAP, breaking off the chain. 

“Um, yeah, it’s a mask. He can take it off but he looks weird without it because nobody is used to seeing him without a mask. Grimm is also wearing a mask. Heck, we’re all wearing masks! Why are you so confused?” To prove his point, Grimmchild took off his mask and dropped it. The mask started flapping and squawking before flying away like a demented, possessed butterfly-bird hybrid. 

“Me too!” shrieked Honret, pulling off her head and revealing a weird-looking face that resembled Lace’s face, but tinier. Lace took off the weird thing on her head and smacked Hornet with it. Hornet screeched before tossing her head at Lace, and they both began to throw stuff at each other again because they were done with their assignment.

“I,” declared Dave, a lopsided smile on his face as he took off his head and threw it at Lace and Hornet, who was still shrieking at each other. His Shade waddled around before plapping their face on a desk and screaming. 

“All of you put your heads and faces back on, it is not recess!” snapped Monomon as she grabbed Dave’s head and plopped it back onto his shade backward. Dave ran into a wall. Angrily, Monoman picked up Dave and tied him to his desk, leaving him wiggling around to no avail. 

“Not SEEE!” shrieked Dave, “HEAD ON PUT BACKWARDS! SEE CAN’T! IIIIIIIIIII….”

“I lost my face,” Grimmchild stated, gesturing towards the window, “It flew away to be with the Lifeblood butterflies.” A faint evil quacking sound was heard as the face drifted and flapped away. 

“Why do you have an OwO face?” Myla asked Grimmchild, who was watching his face fly around like a weird bird watcher. Grimmchild shrugged before rolling up to Monomon to ask for permission to go to Dad 2 so that he could slap a new mask onto his face. 

Deliriously, Zote screeched, “Furry!” SOAP started yelling about how furries aren’t bad and go back to spitting out useful things like materials, “You are a a aa furr-” He coughed up 29 globs of spit, Void, SOUL, and other random things like Lifeblood. 

“I honestly do not see what’s wrong with being a furry,” Grimmchild said very OwOishly. “It does, however, seem that you have a problem for some odd reason. Go back to your basement and stay there, you discriminative prick.”

“...Zote,” Zote sputtered. Hornet tossed her head which then hit Zote in the back before returning to her like a weird boomerang. Hornet then plopped it back onto her head. Lace rolled around, trying to find the weird thing she had on her head before she had chucked it at Hornet’s eyeball. 

“I need my face back, can I be dismissed from class?” Grimmchild asked Monomon, tugging on her foot as he pointed to his face that was still flapping around outside, squawking and screeching like a weird infected Vengefly.

“Fine, but be quick about it,” Monomon snapped as she picked up Lace’s head thingy and tossed it at Hornet, who smacked Lace’s fat face with it. Grimmothy flew happily out of the classroom, flopping out of the window so that he could die and respawn in Grimm’s stupid mouth. 

“Nooooo!” shrieked Hornet, “YOU MADE HIM STOP!” 

“Zote,” said Zote, not sputtering out things or sitting on the wall anymore. 

“He was being the mena,” Blossom said, “Very the stupid. Not. Yuo the clogged toitlet!” 

Hornet nodded as if she understood before rolling away to poke Lace’s armpits with her needle 300 times. 

“I am going to throw up on Lurien!” said Dave, turning into a Shade and flying out the window. His head was left discarded before Deduline tripped over it and landed onto Erith, who immediately started screaming bloody murder as Terzu hopped around the classroom like a plate running away from the scary hideous fork. Monomon extended her foot tentacle and wrapped them around Dave’s stupid Shade, pulling him back in before slapping his head back on. 

“Well I am the the the the GOBLIN WITH AN SPON!” screeched Blossom in confusion, “ALL FEAR THE CLOG TOITLET GED!” Grimm’s stupid portal opened up. 

“sTop losing your face,” Grimm lectured as his own face fell off and began to fly away, “It wastes a lot of time and faces cost a lot!” He threw Grimmchild back into the classroom before closing the portal. 

“QUACK!” went Grimm’s face, flapping out the portal before it closed and nesting under Zemmoth’s eyelid. Jake grabbed Grimm’s face that was still quacking and flapping around the classroom before shoving it into his eye socket.

“The for collection my, thank you very much!” Jake exclaimed. 

“Faces are cute,” Dave said matter-of-factly as Monomon popped his head back on for the umpteenth time, “They are.” Jake chimed in agreement before taking Dave’s head and shoving it into his eyehole. 

“Flukemarm is so hot,” said mossbag. Koi nodded in agreement before ripping off her head and throwing it at Blossom, who was shrieking about toilets and clogs.

“Go away lore man, there is literally no canon lore in this schoolverse!” yelled Moi, “AND I WILL RESUME BAD GRAMMAR LATER! FIRST, mossbag REPELLENT GO! THERE IS A GUY SAYING HORNET VOID IN CHINA!” mossbag made a noise of revulsion before disappearing in a puff of smoke. Koi high-fived Moi before ripping off her head and throwing it at Monomon, who caught it and smacked Moi’s head onto Koi’s shade.

“Whta,” said Koi with Moi’s head. 

“I can here you’re mouth moving but I cannot see it!” asked Moi with Koi’s head. 

“What,” said Grimmchild with a new face even though he looked exactly the same because his original one flew away earlier. 

“I see a ploppy foot,” inquired Afro. 

“Are all of you stinky lumps done with your experiments and hypotheses? You’d better hope so because if not, detention!” Monomon smacked her desk 50 times with her yardstick. Students began to hurry up and write down some questions, the ones who were already done were just sitting there like melted stinky blobs. 

“Lace is Void,” said Dave in a last-minute attempt at a hypothesis. Lace shrieked something about flies before picking up Hornet’s head and shoving it onto Dave’s shade, who screamed something about ‘iiiiiii’ in confusion. 

“I am a cool Kightgare Ning Mymm,” said Jared, crashing in from the window. Tape Recorder followed, kicking his face off and out the door. Grimm’s crusty, black hand reached out of a portal and smacked Jared in the face twice. 

“That’s rude! Stop pretending to be the Nightmare King!” 

“I am the the the Grightmare Ning Kimm!” 

“NO!”

“GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM, NONE OF YOU ARE STUDENTS OR SCIENCE ASSISTANTS!!” screamed Monomon as she picked up Jared and tossed him out the window.

“Oh, look who’s yelling about people getting out of her classroom because they don’t belong there!” Grimm shrieked back before Tape Recorder started spamming Monomon’s screeches on their tape recorder. “REALLY DOES REMIND ME OF SOMEBODY ELSE TRYING TO GET IDIOTS OUT OF HIS CLASSROOM WHEN THEY AREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE HERE, HUH?!”

“Shut UP, GRIMM!” Monomon screeched as she threw a jar of SOUL at Grimm’s portal, missing him by about two Pale Thing’s feet. “YOU AREN’T ACTUALLY DOING ANYTHING IN MY CLASSROOM!”

“WELL NEITHER WERE YOU!!” The Nightmare King barked something in the back about everyone shutting up before threatening to set everybody on fire. Monomon glared at Grimm, who threw a broken trumpet at her face before grabbing Tape Recorder and shoving them back into his classroom. With a scowl, Grimm closed up the portal, muttering to himself about the audacity of all the stinky teachers who hate it when he’s in their room but are not the least courteous when raiding his stupid classroom. 

“Who votes that all the teachers in existence start a hypocrite club?” suggested Tiso before he was squished by Molly the Morbidly Obese Mawlek. Grimmothy flopped over to yank out Molly’s stupid teeth, humming Grimm’s song to himself happily as Molly continued to bark and throw up infection everywhere. The students who had yet to finish their SOUL experiments continued to scribble down a bunch of stupid stuff as the ones who were already done began to yell and throw stuff at each other.

“SOAP,” Dave declared, cackling when SOAP began having a seizure. 

“IIIIIIII AM NOTOOTOTOITOTOIUTKLTJIUYTRDESFCGVHJHNGFVERGFTHJKH&G^YFTERYBG&GUV%U^HYJ*&*#^&(*^#*&(O$&^*# SOAP!!!!!” shrieked SOAP, rolling around the floor as Dave continued to laugh like a madman. 

“TEE HEEE HEEE,” Blossom said in a very, very, very deep voice that was much raspier and deeper than Grimm’s voice when he was trying and failing to sound menacing, “TEEE HEE!!!1!!! SOAPA! YUO AR SOPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“NOOOOOOOOOO! I AM NOT SOAP! NOT SOAP! MOST DEFINITELY NOT SOAP! I WILL NEVER BE SOAP, SOUP, SOPA, SOP, OR ANYTHING THAT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT! I AM GHOST OR THE KNIGHT! NOT SOAP! YOU STUPID MORONIC IMBECILES! I HOPE GRIMMCHILD RIPS OUT ALL YOUR TEETH AND STUFFS RATS UP YOUR NOSES AND THROWS UP IN YOUR EYEBALLS!” screeched SOAP so furiously that they neglected to speak with terrible grammar, to annoy Dave as much as they possibly could. 

“Stop picking on SOAP and read if you have nothing better to do!” Monomon grumpily smacked Dave’s forehead with her yardstick before picking up Blossom, who was trying to toss hand soap into SOAP’s eyeholes. 

“NOT! SOAP NOT!!! NOT ME!!!  _ NOOOOTTT!! _ ”

“I know, I KNOW,  _ I KNOW! _ SHUT UP!”

“Forgive me, friend, but why do you hate being called SOAP? It’s not even a bad name, it’s just… a bar of soap. It’s not like they’re insulting you, or calling you something like, ‘Horrid Face the Smelliest Dictator of Them All’, so I don’t exactly see why you are so bothered?” Quirrel hid behind his notes for fear of SOAP blowing up like Taco Bell coming out from the other end. 

“Because they are all Horrid Face the Smelliest Dictators of Them All!” screeched SOUP. 

“The,” Dave informed Quirrel helpfully as Blossom threw soup into SOAP’s eye, cackling in her really deep voice like the Pale Lurker mixed with a Disney villain. Quirrel puzzled over the vessels’ statements before muttering to himself and writing down a few things in his notebook that he bought from Godseeker’s notebook shop. 

“It is annoying,” Hornet said. “SOAP does not like to be called SOAP because it is annoying, but I call them SOAP anyways because I don’t care.” SOAP angrily chucked a yam at Hornet before picking up a bottle of hand sanitizer and shoving it into Dave’s eye. Dave made a deflating noise as Blossom skipped across the room to clog the stupid sink. 

“Are you all done yet? The bell is about to ring!” Monomon exclaimed as she picked up Cedrin by the legs and tossed him into the time out corner for cracking Erith in half. Finally, the last pair of students waddled up to Monomon’s stupid desk and slapped their assignment onto her table with a thud.

“Why is there a time out corner? We are literally in like High school even though Grimmchild is 10,” Severin retorted as Scuttle fell from the sky and died somehow.

“I have a hypothesis that vision is actually just an illusion and what we are seeing is all fake,” Ivy boasted as Grimmothy ripped out her teeth and tossed a shoe at SOAP.

“We were supposed to write about sight?” Rainle asked, super confused.

“No, I don’t even know how Ivy got that hypothesis,” Respo replied before the stupid bell rang, making everyone near in go deaf. 

Dave shot up like a pebble being thrown at a little kid’s toenail before rushing out of the room, screeching, “IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII” as he ran out. Monomon promptly threw everyone out of the classroom, shrieking about how she had a headache.

“No your feet are pink.” asked Carrie, throwing a pebble on the floor and being smacked in the face with a yam. Hornet rushed past her, screaming something along the lines of, 

“Stop throwing yams at me! I didn’t even call you SOAP yet! You’re even more annoying than Fly Conductor!” 

“No, I am going to annoy you a lot more than that idiot,” replied Lace, throwing flies at Hornet, “I’m going to annoy you to death, so much that you will become death.” 

“You’re breath so bad I would wish for death,” Hornet snapped before slapping Lace’s smelly face.

“You’re grammar iz so bad I WULD WESH FER DEF TO!” shrieked Lace angrily as she threw 28 flies at Hornet’s face. 9 of them went into Hornet’s eyeball. 

“OH YEAH?!!!! YOU SMELL SO BAD THAT I THINK ANYBODY WOULD WANT TO DIE!” Hortnet screeched back before jumping onto Lace and smacking her 50 times with her stupid needle.

“Top 10 Epic Roast Battles,” Grimmchild muttered as Hornet and Lace continued to wrestle on the ground like two stupid people fighting over the last bottle of expired milk at a bar. 

“I  _ love _ expired milk! It is so tasty!” SOAP announced mechanically, “I, Hornet, am the lover of expired milk! It is so tasty! I  _ love _ expired milk! It is so tasty!” 

“YUO AR ALL SO ANOYING!!!!@11111!!” Hornet screeched as she picked up her needle and skewered Lace, SOAP, and Grimmchild. Lace shrieked something about her new exoskeleton being ruined before ripping herself off of Hornet’s stupid needle and shoving flies and pins into Hornet’s eye sockets. Grimmchild rolled his eyes before extending his wingtips and ripping out Hornet’s teeth. 

“I AM NOT ANOYING! I AM GHOST!” shrieked SOAP as they picked up 30 yams and bottles of hand sanitizer before chucking them all at Hornet. Hornet screamed and threw a desk at them in retaliation. Grimm popped out of the portal and caught the desk before muttering something about needing a new desk because the students kept ruining his. Snej fell from the sky, crushing Grimm like Molly the Morbidly Obese Mawlek crushing Tiso. Snej then picked up the desk and scuttled away, leaving a crushed Grimm body for the Nightmare King to deal with. Grimmchild morphed into Grimm before throwing up another Grimmothy and flopping away grumpily to look for Snej.

“Are we stupid or what?” asked Cloth, witnessing the students screaming while the Nightmare King oozed out of Grimm’s head and burned a student to death. Hornet started screaming, her bright red dress flew around like a flappy Grimm face, “I mean, look!” She pointed to SOAP, who was chucking yams and hand sanitizer all over the bench area. Quirrel started writing down weird notes, muttering about how ‘incredible’ that the vessels can chuck yams at each other. 

“Yes, thank you for that,” SOP replied, singing something about how they were not SOAP, “I am not not not SOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAP! I am not, not,  _ NOT _ , SOOOOOOAAAAAAPPP! I am not not not not SOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAP! I am not not NOT SOOOAAAAP!!” 

“Stop it, I must find my face because it fell off again,” Grimmchild whined, “No, seriously, my face fell off again!” His face quacked and flew away. It was grabbed by Jake, who took it away to keep as a pet before anyone could give it to Grimmchild. 

“My feet are purple now?” asked Carrie, her feet turning brown, then flashing into bright green, blinding everyone at recess with eyes, “Oh, they are dark blue toes now.” 

“You do not even have a foots.” 

“Shut you’re up!” Carrie yelled, dashing out the room after placing her note sheet paper thing on Grimm’s face, which then fell off and flew away. 

“No you’re shut the up you no!” retorted Dave as he threw up infection onto Blossom’s face.

“Jake has 29 pet faces, he is like a guy from a math problems,” stated Jake, speaking in the third person like a weirdo, “One million watermelons has he for face on the each to nest!” He then started choking for some time, before coughing up 29 watermelons. A few of Grimm and Grimmchild’s faces quacked and nested on the watermelons, spitting random orange peels everywhere. 

“Hey, give my faces back, I’ve been looking for those!” Grimm cried as he waddled over to Jake  and took back a fistful of faces. Jake protested, screeching something about a collection like the stupid Collector before he spotted the Nightmare King. Jake, deciding that he wants to sign his death warrant walked up to the Nightmare King and tried to snatch his mask off. Jake was promptly beheaded. 

“Did you get my face?” Grimm asked as he rummaged around in Jake’s eyehole, trying to find his face. The Nightmare King sighed before teleporting away to who knows where while Grimmchild and Grimm ravaged Jake’s head, searching for all the faces they lost over the months that school had started. 

“What causes that vessel to find the faces and want them?” wondered Quirrel as reincarnated Jake stole his Monoman mask. 

“Why did Monomon give you her mask? Is Monomon going to go flop around the Pale Thing’s nose?” Cloth inquired as Tiso tried and failed to sit on a bench because Molly kept running after him, barking and drooling globs of infection everywhere. 

“Um, I guess she wants to live in a test tube when she’s old and she wants me to have a hat, which Jake has stolen from me...” Quirrel said, trailing off as Jake shrieked and ran around in circles, trying to catch the quacking, flappy faces that were flopping around the school. Watermelons tumbled out of his eyehole, hitting Cedrin on the head. 

Tiso screeched, getting squashed over and over again because of Molly, Morbidly Obese God of I Don’t Know But The Radiance Wanted Her To Be Included In The Hall Of Gods So. Godseeker appeared, wrote cringe in her notebook, and disappeared back into wherever she normally went. Meanwhile, somebody accidentally left a piece of soap on the floor. SOAP looked down and stared at the soap for a few seconds before exploding into Bill, the Lord of Shades, and killing everybody in the school. Everyone respawned on the recess bench, the weight of all the smelly Higher Beings and teachers and students and other weird creatures being enough to bring the bench crashing down. Joth made a noise of distress as one of his beautiful benches flew away, a face quacking and carrying it. 

“No! My bench!” Joth picked up 3829 of his rocks and went to harass SOAP for ruining his amazing almighty beautiful amazing benches. 

“I AM NOT THE I! WASN’T I! IM LITEST PERSSON ON THE BNECH!!!!!!! RADIANCE FAT! VERY! LIKE HER MOLLEWK!!!!  _ FAT!!! _ ” SOAP protested as Joth hit them in the eye with 509587453947 benches and a single rock. Joth, being attentive enough to realize that the Radiance was indeed fat, but not attentive enough to realize that SOAP was the one who killed everyone, then ran over to the Radiance and started pelting her with rocks and benches. The Radiance shrieked and used the Nightmare King as a shield, who, in turn, whipped around and burned her face off. Jake happily picked up the burnt face and stuffed it into his eyehole. 

“Face cut,” Dave mumbled, flopping and turning into a puddle, “But the stop it get off me fat you people I the don’ta wantt o go the be bottom of fat people benhc on.” He flopped and dripped around everywhere, continuing to complain about fat people on his head. The Nightmare King grumbled something before lifting all the stupid people off of Grimm and picking him up before slamming them back down onto the bench and walking away. Grimm then threw up Grimmchild, who had been crushed under the weight of all the smelly people.

“Haha,” cackled Lace like a plant on fire, “You’re being crushed and I’m not because I was fast and smart enough to get out when the Nightmare King flipped everybody over!” She continued to taunt and make fun of Hornet, who was getting angrier by the second but still stuck underneath a bunch of smelly people who were too stupid to move. 

“Everyone is dying because they are being squashed by the other people on the bench and the people who squash the other people are getting squashed by the people who they squashed and had to respawn on the top of the bench,” noted Quirrel, before he was crushed by 29 random people and items. The Radiance, in a huff of anger and exasperation, flipped the bench over and everybody fell off and landed on their heads. Sadly, nobody was killed. 

“Who was the cause of this?” the Radiance barked, sounding a lot like Molly but with some random lady’s voice. SOAP walked away, shrugging as if they had no idea who killed everybody. Quirrel continued to scribble down notes. The Radiance growled angrily.

“SOAP turned into Bill and killed us all and it was even more scray then Mightnare Ging Krimm,” said Blossom as she clogged the sink in 0219 rooms. 

“YOU LEFT THE THE SOAP ON FLOOR THE YOU I HAT YUO!” shrieked SOAP, “I HAT YUO FOREVER AND THE EVER NEVER I HAT AL SEBLENG! NOT HOLLW OR QIURL OR CLOTH BECASE THEY NOT KALL SOAP SOUP BUT YUO ARE ALOL SUCKS! I HAT YUO! DIE!” SOUP turned into Bill again and killed everyone in the school. 

“I am now the the principal because I TURN INTO AND KILL PRINCIPAL SO I THE AM PRINCIPAL NOW AND EVERYONE THE IS EXPELLED! EXCEPT FOR QUIRREL! AND MYLA AND CLOTH! EVERYONE ELSE STUPID! GO AWAY!” The Radiance floated over to SOP and slapped them. 

“No, you can’t do that. It’s not the end of the fanfiction yet and you haven’t even gotten to the Greenpath or platforming parts! Screw you! I’m still the principal here!” 

“I beated the you I am the the right full principals!” screamed SOUP the not right now Principal, “I DID! I KILLED THE TWICE! I SHOULD!” 

“No way, you stupid vessel! As I said before, it’s not the ending yet! Not yet! They can’t kill me off that soon! That’s terrible! It’s cruel and bad for the plot!” 

“There the already no AT ALL plot! It doesn’t matter! I’m the PRINCE IPEL!” 

“IM THE PRIDCNAL!!!” screamed Koi as she bonked the Radiance and SOP on the head with Joth’s bench. “ME AUHTOE! MY PRANCIL!!!! IM THE PENCIL!  _ MEEE! _ ” The Radiance turned around and stepped on Koi, whose head then popped off as she died in one hit.

“Mean!” shrieked Moi, “I AS ATHOR FIRE YUO!” the Radiance turned into a tiny slug, which was eaten by Hive Knight. 

“This is so stupid and my face is flying away. SOAP, can you please-” Grimmchild started before he was cut off by SOAP. 

“I AM  _ NOOOOOOOOOTTT SSSSOOOOOAAAAAAPPPPP!!!!! YUO ARE  _ EXPELLLLEDDDD!!!” 

“ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!!!  _ I’M _ THE PRINCIPAL, AND THAT’S THAT!!! ALL OF YOU IDIOTS SHOULD LEARN SOME RESPECT!!” screeched the Radiance as she picked up Molly and plopped her onto SOAP, crushing and killing them.

“Hiow u not slug,” Moi asked.

“I think Koi turned her back,” said Quirrel, who continued to take 85798437598347894768973986789436 notes. Suddenly, the bell rang again, signifying the end of recess. Students shrieked at each other, throwing Bright Pink Frogs and shoes across the school as they rushed to get to their next classes on time. 

“I shall go to my locker to deposit the teeth i have collected thus far,” Grimmchild declared before flying away to do just that.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> v o r e

“Quack,” said Dave, tricking Grimm into grabbing him and smacking him into his cloak, “Squack quack, squawk, quack, cluck.” 

“Hey! You’re not my face! Get _out_ , you smelly vessel!” 

“QUACK! IiiiiiiiiiiiiiIII!!” Grimm peeled Dave off of his cloak with a disgusting ripping noise before tossing him somewhere in the bushes. Grimm then ran back into his classroom, yelling about how he needs a new face because the students either keep stealing it or it falls off and flies away. 

The Nightmare King, oozing out of Grimm’s eye for some reason, said, “You know that you can just... Burn down a shop and grab the remains, right?” 

“No! I’d be arrested, and also think of the stupid masks! They’re flammable! I would burn the masks! That would be terrible and STOP THAT I CAN’T SEE WITH YOU OOZING OUT OF MY EYES!” 

“Well, then just ask me to burn down the shops! I would be more than happy to do a favor for one of the only sane people around as well as commit arson,” the Nightmare King said, ignoring Grimm, who was still shrieking as he ran into a wall because he couldn’t see. 

“Also, those masks are actually fireproof, did you know that? Oh wait, I can totally just make one for you, I’m a Higher Being,” the Nightmare King said before making a weird mask and slapping it onto Grimm’s forehead, “See? All better, now goodbye.” He then reached over to burn a student before retreating back into Grimm’s stupid skull. The students had spectated this whole event with confusion and interest as they walked past Grimm’s classroom. Quirrel scribbled down notes as fast as possible. 

“That idiot king slapped it on _upside down_ !” exclaimed Grimm, “And now I can barely see! And that was _disgusting_ . Nightmare King, _oozing out of one of your stupid follower’s eyes will hurt their eyesight and it’s very annoying_.” The students continued watching, getting squashed, as Grimm yelled and argued with the Nightmare King in his head. 

“No, it’s not. But still, it’s very annoying. Stop i- No, I MEAN IT! STOP! SERIOUSLY! AND NO! NOT PICKLED CHILD SOUP AGAIN! I’M GOING TO GET SUED IF YOU COOK QUIRREL FOR DINNER! AND I’LL LEAVE THE TROUPE IF YOU KEEP GIVING ME PICKLES! STOP THAT! Fine, but don’t burn my legs off.” 

“Grimm, stop acting like you belong in a mental facility, which you do, and come help me with this stupid Shade Lord whatever thing,” The Radiance snapped, “They’re being very annoying, and I think it’s better that _I_ am the principal, not this vessel. It should at least be able to speak correctly before it challenges me for the role of principal, and unless you want this fanfiction to end right here and now, you should help me, now!” 

“I AM THE WILL BE PRINICPAL BUT THE I AM HAPPY THAT YUO DIDN'T”T OT CALL THE ME SOAP!” 

“But I _do_ want this fanfiction to end- No, shut _up_ , I _know_ you want to burn the children but I hate this! Can’t you take my feelings into consideration for once? No, those are not my feelings, my feelings are ‘THIS FANFICTION SHOULD END’. Stop that! No, I would not help this fanfiction go on forever even if you stop giving me pickles and stop killing the merchants instead of me when it’s MY turn. NO. No, I will never do that. NO! Quit that! SHUT UP!” Grimm started running around in circles as the Nightmare King started oozing out of his ears again. 

“Oh, I am _so_ glad that the Pale King doesn’t think I’m ready to contain the Radiance in my head so he can take over this school,” remarked the Pure Vessel (the Hollow Knight), “It would be terrible if I had to have the Radiance in my head. She doesn’t even like me so she would be worse than the Nightmare King-”

“DO NOT SPEAK!!” 

“What was that about, Wyrm? Did I hear a stupid plot to overthrow me using children? Can’t you just mind your own school and shut your fat overgrown head up?” The Radiance snarled as she picked up Molly and threw her at the Pale Thing.

“NO!” 

“I’m going to live in the sewers if this keeps going on, I can’t stand being yelled at every time I try to talk. Dung Defender, can I follow you home? Or maybe Blossom can find me a large enough pipe to sit in until both schools die. Zote’s dialogue is longer than the Canon Kingdom’s plot, after all.” 

“DO NOT! SPEAK!” 

The Radiance rolled her eyes. 

“I can see where your vessels got their terrible grammar habits from. I’ve seen that they can speak correctly, however, but for some reason, you, the king, a principal, their father, a god, can’t even say one sentence correctly!” 

“I,” announced Blossom, “seed the Clogged the are toitlet. Now never will the ploop again you.” Hornet yelled something about “I DON’T UNDERSTAND” before getting killed by someone sitting on her and squashing her. 

“THE CHILDREN NEED TO GO TO CLASS! No, I will NOT rip off their legs, you do that yourself- HEY, STOP IT! What are you-” Grimm continued to shriek at himself as Brumm played ‘I Need a Raise’ on his accordion. The Nightmare King teleported out of Grimm’s head and kicked him in the face, knocking him out before teleporting away with knocked-out-Grimm to somewhere. 

“I am a sock,” snorted Hive Knight, slurping random chunks of dirt off the ground and getting crushed by the 92033924092 people on the bench who kept dying. The students shrieked at each other before yelling about how they’ll be late for class. They rolled down the hallways as all the teachers continued to yell at each other in Grimm’s classroom while Grimm’s next students began to toss instruments at each other. 

“I am not going to be late to PE, so farewell,” Quirrel said before running outside to the PE Fields where Herrah was sitting on the floor, throwing spiders into Lurien’s eye socket. The other 35 students followed in suit, SOAP reluctantly running after them because they wanted to see if Herrah was a better PE teacher than the Nightmare King. 

“You know what? IT’S WORLDWIDE PALE THING AVOIDANCE DAY! AND LURIEN HATING DAY! HATE ON LURIEN AND AVOID THE PALE DEMENTED STUPID FORK THING!” the Radiance shrieked, “EVERYONE IS DISMISSED UNTIL THE IDIOT BRIGADE GOES AWAY! YOU GET EXTRA CREDIT FOR SHOUTING, “GOOD RIDDANCE,” AFTER THEM WHEN THEY LEAVE!” 

Herrah made a noise of happiness before flopping over and falling asleep. Lurien screamed as Soul Master, Monomon, the Collector, and Lemm chased after him, throwing books, jars, tubes of acid, and lanterns full of SOUL at him as they screeched. 

“Pale Thing Avoidance Day was yesterday, though? So now it’s…. Hit Lurien in the Eye Day? Wow, every day is a holiday!” Quirrel said enthusiastically as he wrote 500000 notes.

“That was National. This is Worldwide PK Avoidance and Lurien Hating Day.” The Radiance flew away with an armful of orange juice and Molly to throw at Lurien and the Pale Thing. 

“I like this, School No More,” SOAP said matter-of-factly as Grimmchild ripped out their teeth. Grimm suddenly teleported back into the school with the Nightmare King, who was grumpily holding him before dropping him onto the floor and disappearing again. 

“What happened here? I’m guessing it’s not over yet?” sighed Grimm, watching the whole school run around, screaming and throwing things at Lurien’s eyeball. 

“I DO NOT WANT TO BE BLIND!!!” Lurien screeched in terror as Moi tried to shove Koi into his eyeball again. The Nightmare King suddenly appeared next to Lurien before shoving a cloak tendril into Lurien’s eye and laughing as he shrieked in agony.

“That’s insensitive! It’s rude to blind people! You should be blind yourself to make the up it!” shrieked Jake, shoving a face into Lurien’s foot. 

“I CURSE THE WITH CLOGGED TOITLET!! FOREVER!!!!” Blossom hollered, 

Grimm sat down on a bench, ignoring all the mayhem around him as he polished his cloak. Grimmothy sat next to him and plopped down his Science homework, deciding that now would be the best time to do it since Dad 1 was available and everybody else was screaming at Lurien. 

“Dad, how are Essence and SOUL connected?” Grimmothy asked as Grimm held up an organ, trying to figure out if it was broken or not.

“No idea, you learned it, I didn’t,” Grimm said, clearly lying because he didn’t want to give Grimmothy the answers. Grimmchild rolled his eyes before writing down his answers. _‘SOUL is connected to Essence like how Dad 1 is connected to Dad 2. Dad 2 is like a smelly parasite leeching off of Dad 1’s head, and Dad 1 is the source of life. That is the connection between SOUL and Essence.’_ Happy with his answer, Grimmothy shoved his homework into his mouth to store it for later before flopping away to yank out Lurien’s teeth. 

“NO! STOP! THAT’S MY ONLY FOOT!” shrieked Lurien as the Nightmare King started cackling and singing about Lurien soup. The Radiance shrieked something about wanting soup as well before being clocked in the head by SOAP, who thought that she was calling them SOUP. 

“But you can grow it back if you just die and respawn, anyways, do you ever wash your foot? It smells terrible. Hm, I wonder, does fire clean feet?”

“NO, IT DOESN’T! I DON’T TASTE GOOD, YOU DISGUSTING CANNIBAL! YOU’RE EVEN WORSE THAN THE CRAZY CHILDREN!” 

“Ha, ha! Does anyone want to hear my singing? Wahoo! Nobody said no, Yippee! HA!” the Collector yelled, before beginning to sing ‘Decisive Battle’, in his very distorted voice with cracking notes. 

“How is your back cracking as you sing!? You don’t even have a backbone!” 

“Lurien soup, Lurien salad, Lurien curry-” The Nightmare King said, sharpening his blade with a maniac smile on his face.

“STOP IT! WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND WANTING TO EAT RANDOM PEOPLE!?” 

“What is it with you and wanting to eat random people, though?” Grimm asked the Nightmare King, who was still sharpening his blade so he could butcher Lurien, “No, seriously. What _is_ wrong with you? You want to put _pickles_ in the soup! Disgusting!” 

“And do you, dear Grimm, have a problem with that?” the Nightmare King said smoothly, raising his blade menacingly. Grimm growled at the Nightmare King before turning back to examining his instruments.

“Touché,” he hissed. 

“So, you see, Dad 2 is a parasite, and Dad 1 is a guy that keeps respawning even when he doesn’t want to. I’m like the weird random thing that keeps him alive for some reason because Dad 2 thought ‘wow what an amazing thought wow I’m so amazing wow such smart idea’ and all sorts of other self-praise and created me instead of making Dad 1 normally respawn,” Grimmchild explained to Quirrel, who was listening intently. 

“I AM NOT AN INGREDIENT! DO NOT COME NEAR ME!!!” screeched Lurien as the Nightmare King and Radiance advanced on him, raising their weapons. YOUR MAJESTYTYTEYT%^S^YU!!!! GRIMM! YOU CRAZY PEOPLE, HELP ME!!! MONOMON, I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!!!! I DO NOT WANT TO BE KILLED!!!!”

“HAY! HOLLOW KNIGHT! YOU GET THERE OVER YOUR NONESISTNT BUT TO LURIEN HELP SO HE DoES EATEN GET THE NOT!” shrieked the Pale Thing, “WERE ARE YUO!??!??? ALSO, STOP, YUO STINKY MOTHS!!! I COMMAND YOU TO STOP HARASSING LURIEN!!!!” 

“I’m offended,” said Grimm, “I’m not stinky, I’m just a moth. The Nightmare King may be stinky, but I am not, and I’m not even trying to hurt Lurien, so go away!” 

“I’m not stinky, you are,” the Nightmare King snapped before chucking a fireball at Lurien. The Radiance nodded in agreement before she was kicked by the Nightmare King.

“Only I get to say he is stinky, all of you idiots don’t,” the Nightmare King informed the Radiance, who glared at him before smacking Lurien with Molly. Hive Knight muttered something about ships and socks before Grimmchild ripped out his teeth and flew away.

“Lurien the one eyeballed thing, you are part of a stupid system and I am not helping you. I don’t know who you are, you are dead to me, go away. Shoo!” Monoman retorted, walking away. 

“THIS IS FOR ALL THE TIMES YOU CALLED ME SOUP, SOAP, OR WHATEVER ELSE, YOU IGNORANT, STUPID, IDIOTIC, TRAITOR JERK!” SOAP screamed, “YOU STINKY RAT! I HOPE NOSK EATS YOU ALIVE! I HOPE YOUR TONGUE GETS EATEN BY LACE’S STINKY FLIES! I HOPE GRIMM’S MISSING FACES NIBBLE OFF YOUR TOES! I HOP-” 

“Oh, that is awful,” Quirrel remarked, “I once had my feet nibbled off by Grimm’s weird squawking mask, and it was quite painful. I would not recommend it.”

“Guys, we forgot! Avoid the Pale Thing as we annoy Lurien to death so the Nightmare King and Radiance can eat him!” Cloth called from underground, throwing a broken shard of Rancid Egg at Lurien. It hit him in the eye. 

“GOAL!” 

“OW!” 

“I wish there was more space in this hole, it’s bending my back backward.” 

“zDOOOODOODODO NOOOT RHVYFTGHBJNM SPOEAK!” screeched the Pale Creature, who heard Hollow complaining about the hole being too small for them to flop around happily like a dead fish. 

“Stop it, don’t mimic the Pale King.” 

“YOUR MAJESTY! HELP! THEY WANT TO BOIL MY EYEBALLS AND PICKLE MY FEET!” 

“Actually, the other way around,” the Nightmare King said gleefully. Lurien shrieked in terror before flopping into the hole where Hollow and the other students were hiding in. The Pale Creature flopped in after him, screaming about how he was coming to Lurien’s awesome rescue. Students happily began pelting Lurien with moldy bits of cheese, but their happy faces soon turned to terror as they spotted the Pale Thing, who tumbled into the hole, looking anything but majestic.

“Ack!” The students all fled from the hole, screaming and kicking dirt in and burying them both. The Nightmare King stared at the hole for a second before sighing.

“Well then, there goes my meal for the day. Now, where did all those students go?” Students from all around began shrieking and crying, tumbling over each other in an attempt to get away from the crazy cannibalistic Nightmare King. 

“GET THE SHOVELS!” shrieked somebody in the school building, “THEY’RE DIGGING OUT! MORE DIRT! MORE! GET THE SHOVELS!” The entire gardening club, including Unn, ran out of nowhere with all the shovels in the school. Students appeared as well and began digging and shoveling dirt into the hole with the Pale King and Lurien. 

“Stop, stop that! Shoo! I’m hungry!” the Nightmare King told the students, “Stop burying them and let me find my food!” The students looked at him in terror and fled, leaving the Nightmare King digging through the dirt to find his ‘lunch.’ Rolling his eyes, the Nightmare King made a really fat shovel using his cloak tendrils and upturned the earth, uncovering Lurien. Lurien looked up into the sky to see who his savior was.

“Your…. Majesty?” Lurien asked, forgetting that the Pale Thing was buried with him. Instead of seeing the Pale Creature’s droopy, fat, beady, watery eyes, he saw the Nightmare King’s menacing, fiery-red eyes that were upturned with glee and satisfaction.

“I crave sushi, so perhaps I shall make you into one,” the Nightmare King stated happily as he snatched Lurien out of the hole before burying the Pale Creature back up. Lurien shrieked in terror, yelling for somebody to help him as the Radiance trailed after the Nightmare King, wanting to have some lunch as well. Grimm continued to tune his instruments. 

“Wow, apart from the part that this isn’t very child-friendly anymore because of the Nightmare King trying to eat Lurien, this is quite interesting!” Quirrel said, taking notes on how the Nightmare king walked using his legs wow amazing. 

"That isn't the only reason why this hasn't become child-friendly anymore," Cloth muttered as Koi drew Grimm stubbing his toe on Kingdom's Edge.

“Would you care for some of my homecooked food?” the Nightmare King asked, shaking Lurien in front of Grimm’s face. “I have yet to decide what to make him into, but once I do, would you like to share him with me?”

“Sure, but no pickles,” Grimm replied as the Radiance sauntered over to them, muttering about how she wanted to eat as well. 

“Technically, it would be ‘school cooked,’ but I don’t care. Anyways, I said sushi, soup, or curry earlier, but now I crave... steak, perhaps. Roast him slowly over the fire, the screams of agony will be quite entertaining to listen to while we wait for the food. Or, maybe rice. Lurien steak on rice. Sounds good, no pickles, because Grimm is weird.” The Nightmare King muttered to himself, pondering over what he should make Lurien into.

” CAKE!” screeched Grimmothy, “CAKE IS AWESOME! MAKE A CAKE!!!”

“Hey, you could just slap him on a bench and cook him over and over. There’s the respawning rule, after all,” suggested the Radiance.

“Grimmchild, that is disgusting. Who ever heard of meat cake? Oh well, we can do that if we can make this idiot respawn while leaving his corpse behind!” Grimm exclaimed.

“Meat cake is good, I once cooked it and you liked it. I don’t know why you are complaining, Grimm,” the Nightmare King said, holding Lurien tightly by the neck. 

“Er- or maybe, you guys could cook this vessel instead!” Lurien babbled hurriedly before he wriggled out of the Nightmare King’s grasp and smacked Blossom into where he once was.

“Do not the ated me, I taste like the Dad Pale Creature,” Blossom said informatively as the Nightmare King looked at her in confusion. 

“You are not Lurien, you’re that little vessel who clogs toilets. Where did my catch go?”

“He the is stuck to pipe a.” 

“What? Whatever.” He put Blossom down and started teleporting around the school to find Lurien. Meanwhile, Lurien was running out of the school, trying to escape from the scary Higher Beings who for some reason wanted to eat him. He sprinted after the Pale Thing, who was shrieking and running after Hollow, who was yelling something about wanting to ‘Tape Danse.’

“Pee,” said Dave, Pulling Jake off of his head and blocking Lurien’s head, “Iiiiiiiiiiiii, LUREN HEAR!!! HEAR!!! IIIIIIIIIIII!!” Jake threw some faces at Lurien, which started flapping and tickling his foot so he couldn’t move away. 

“STOP! YOUR MAJESTY, HELP ME!!” The Pale Thing flopped over majestically like a dying camel before throwing up all over the students. The students cried out in terror and fled, screaming as the horrid Pale Creature rolled away to the White Palace with Lurien trying to chase after him, Grimm’s weird mask thingies still tickling his feet. There was suddenly a weird teleporting noise as the Nightmare King, Unn, the Radiance, Molly the Morbidly Obese Mawlek, Bill, Joth, Snej, and Grimm flopped out of a stinky portal and began to run after Lurien, who cried out in fear. 

“GET BACK HERE, CAKE!” shrieked Grimmchild as he picked up a table and tossed it at Lurien, who was yelling for the Pale Thing to help him. 

“MY SHOOL ID BETR THEN YOU’RE’S!!!!” screeched the Pale Thing as he rolled around, throwing up and spraying toes of the bugs who doubted him everywhere. The Radiance threw 38 glasses of orange juice at him while the Nightmare King used cloak spikes to grab Lurien. Lurien shrieked and began convulsing and throwing a fit of seizures while the students tried to avoid the Pale Creature.

“Let’s play a quick game of would you rather,” Cloth said to Quirrel, God Tamer, Tiso, Pale Lurker, SOAP, Hornet, Lace, and Dave, “Would you rather have the Pale Creature as the ruler, the Radiance as the ruler, the Nightmare King as the ruler, or Zote?”

“Me,” said Dave. “I is the ruler.”

“NO!” shrieked SOAP as they kicked Dave’s head. “ALL TERRIBziLBLBEL! PALE THING STINKY, NIGHTMARE KING SCARY, RADIANCE INSUFFERABLE, ZOTE STUPID!! NON!!! NIEN! NO!!! YOU EVEN STUPIDER AND SMELLIER THAN ALL COMBINED!”

“Nightmare King,” said Quirrel. Everybody looked at him, shocked. SOAP stopped screeching to stare at him in confusion. Quirrel looked around and shrugged. “What? Based on what Grimmchild said, he seems like a fairly alright ruler, apart from the fact he’s cannibalistic.” 

“Are you CRAZY? He’ll set you on fire!” 

“Actually while he does set me on fire every now and then, he doesn’t really set people on fire much, only when he gets mad at them, or if he’s really hungry. So, you should stay away from Lurien,” Grimmchild told them, listening in on his peers’ conversation. “Also, if you’re a part of his kingdom, then he most likely won’t set you on fire because you know, he tries not to break promises. It’s weird and really isn’t like him at all, but I’m not one to judge, because the promise thing is actually quite nice.” Quirrel slapped his knee and pointed to Grimmchild. 

“See, that’s why he might be the best ruler out of all of them.” 

“What’s wrong with me?” asked the Radiance, “I get why you wouldn’t want smelly Wyrm ruling over you, but I’m not evil!” 

“Yeah, the Radiance isn’t as malicious or stinky, so I kinda feel that she would be better,” muttered Dave, speaking normally so that people could understand him. 

“Stop it, get those Lightseeds off of you!” screeched Bill, “I WILL BE THE BEST RULER OF ALL BECAUSE I BEAT THE FAILED TAMPON!” 

“You weren’t in the options,” Cloth snapped before she picked up a piece of soap and tossed it at Bill, turning them back into SOAP, “Anyways, I must say that the Pale Thing would be in my favor. He’s ruling us right now, and though he might smell really bad, I feel that he doesn’t cause nearly as much damage as the Radiance or Nightmare King would. Like, the Nightmare King limits where you are able to go unless you take up special jobs, and the Radiance limits your thoughts and freedom in general. At least the Pale Creature doesn’t do that as much.” 

“The Radiance has Molly and I do not like Molly, so I don’t care who rules as long as it isn’t the Radiance,” Tiso said before he was crushed by Molly. 

“I beg to differ, though you wouldn’t be able to think much, at least you’ll be happy. The Radiance seems a lot nicer than the Pale Creature or the Nightmare King in my opinion,” God Tamer snapped as the Pale Lurker cackled, shoving a key up her nostril. 

“Whoever kills the other three will be the best ruler,” Hornet said matter-of-factly as Lace smacked her 5983789475893 times, “Hold a tournament and have them fight. Whoever wins will be the ruler.”

“The Pale King is coooooo _oooooooooo_ l!” cackled the Pale Lurker, running around with a King’s Idol and shoving that up her nose as well. “However, though, I must agree with Cloth. We seem fine right now, so I don’t want to jinx anything. Radiance and Nightmare King are no-goes.”

“I exist, too!” exclaimed Unn, “As well as the White Woman, Godseeker’s old school principal person! Have you forgotten? I created Greenpath!”

“You were not in the choices because you are a good ruler and so is the White Lady, and Lifeblood creature is never seen so nobody cares about them,” snapped Cloth, “I only chose the worst choices possible, so be quiet and go back to being one of the only nice Higher Beings.”

“BUT I BEETED FAILED TAMPONNNNNNNN!!!” shrieked SOAP, turning into Bill and slapping the Radiance in the face. 

“Shouldn’t you be chasing after Lurien with Grimm and the Nightmare King?” Lace asked the Radiance, who shrugged before floating away to do just so.

“I, however, think that we can all agree that Zote would make a terrible ruler,” Bretta said, joining in on the students’ conversation. The children chimed in agreement before discussing whether the Nightmare King was better at tournament fights or if the Pale Thing was better.

“I AM NOT A FOOD INGREDIENT, NOR AM I A RARE ITEM! STOP CHASING ME! STOP ATTACKING ME! STOP THROWING THINGS AT ME! STOP!” 

“No.” 

“AUGHGHEGHUEGHUGUHAGHUGEUGUHUHUYGHGG GRGGRGRG!!!!” Lurien screeched, sounding a lot like the Maggot thing. 

“Stop slamming your faces on the keyboards!” scolded Cloth as Moi prepared to throw her laptop on the ground to create a Lurien noise. Koi threw up Void and threw a rock at her keyboard. 

“RIEJRIOEJIOFHJEIWOHJer89R#U09r3qwi9q0i2uq094iqp’ouoijrow38u4893u409284-104]0- pvi2opw0m03wri093miru92874816Y&*OYQ78Onv90un()un90809809NV()N890n809N80[980p9_”(I_-n9”)N(I#W)_8i30”I*nr0’N5rr(#IUW(%#U#(WRW*(%&(WP&$Q@(} RJ#IOVI KPH#IKH???” shrieked Lurien again as the Nightmare King neared him with a fork and grill. 

“You are a prick,” noted Jake as he threw faces at Lurien, “I do the not know what a prick is. But you’re are one. Pale dad Thing is a EGO FAT.” Pulling some faces out of the air, Jake ran after Lurien on Dave’s head, throwing faces and collecting them. 

“I ate a chair!” squeaked Carrie, “That was the fifty-eighth chair I’ve eaten today! Isn’t that amazing? To emphasize the fact that I’m eating chairs, I am speaking with proper grammar!” 

“BAD! IMPROPER! BAD GRAMMAR! SPEAK! WITH THE BAD GRAMM! AR!” Dave yelled from two miles away, “Bad grammar! Speak with bad grammmmmmmmer!” 

“Why do we do that? Is it to prove the point that we are stupid? Or no reason?” 

“SHUT YOU’RE UP AND SPEAK BAD! WITH! GRAMMAR!” 

“Fine.” 

“At least you’re allowed to talk-” Hollow began before they were cut off by their stinky Father.

“SHUT YOU’RE UP! DO NOT THE SPEK! MY SHOOL BTTRE!” 

“Lurien steak, Lurien rice, Lurien soup, I want to add pickles but Grimm is being stupid and won’t let me add pickles for the perfect seasoning, the Radiance wants orange juice but that is disgusting, Lurien cake, Lurien bread, Lurien curry, Lurien sushi, so many possibilities-” 

“BUT I’M NOT AN INGREDIENT!” Lurien screeched, hopping around and trying to escape the Nightmare King’s smelly cloak that smelled like dead burnt creatures and children. Grimm grinned for once, realizing that Koi and Moi weren’t going to make him the victim for a whole chapter. 

“Lurien cake! Lurien cake! Lurien cake! Topped with teeth and teeth to yank! One cake wouldn’t be enough, though! Lurien cake! LURIEN CAKE!” sang Grimmchild, floating around by the Nightmare King’s shoulder, “L U R I E N C A K E !” 

“It’s amazing how incredibly cursed this fanfiction is,” said Quirrel as he broke the fourth wall, “I’m not sure whether I should be horrified or amazed.” 

“Stop breaking the fourth wall and take notes!” screeched Koi, “Do your lines, or I’ll kill you off as Team Cherry did to you!” Quirrel starred in confusion at the mental vessel before nodding slowly and continuing to take notes because that was the only thing that he actually did. 

“I am happy that nobody is harassing me,” Grimm said cheerfully as he handed the Nightmare King a knife so that he could kill and gut Lurien.

“I don’t harass you,” the Nightmare King replied as Grimmothy continued to flap around, singing about Lurien cake. 

“Ehhh, I mean… you stop others from harassing me only to bother me yourself,” Grimm replied as Lurien screamed at Grimm for not helping him escape, “No, I’m not helping you. I’m going to enjoy myself this chapter before I go crazy the next one for some reason.” 

“I WANNA HELP MAKE LURIEN DISHES!!” Grimmchild shrieked as he flopped over to his parents, who were busy trying to figure out what else to put in the food, “ESPECIALLY LURIEN CAKE!” 

“You can help me gut him!” the Nightmare King said happily as he took out a knife and advanced towards Lurien, grinning toothily. 

“Save some entrails, they could be nice sausages,” Grimm said to the Nightmare King before running over to get Brumm and Divine, who also deserved to have a nice meal.

“Why do you have a knife? You have a sharp cloak!” screeched Lurien, backing away from the Nightmare King as he swung at him with his blade.

“That escalated quickly,” remarked the Radiance, sitting on a chair and gathering plates, “Hurry up, I want to try Traitor Soup.” The Traitor Lord teleported into the school and gasped. 

“Not you,” snapped the Radiance as she kicked the Traitor Lord back into the Queen’s Gardens, “I want real Traitor Soup. And it better be good, because according to Grimmothy, the Nightmare King has good cooking skills.”

“I can do that, but you know what? It won’t be as good because Grimm is hard-headed and he-” 

“I _KNOW_ , I DON’T LIKE PICKLES, OKAY? JUST SHUT UP ABOUT THAT! Oh, he’s getting away. Let’s get him.” Grimm, the Nightmare King, Grimmothy, Divine, and Molly began chasing after Lurien, screaming about how they wanted food. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vore part 2 and also some hornet and white lady family bonding time

“I’m gungry,” said SOAP, who was bored and in White Palace with all of their other smelly siblings because school was supposedly over.

“I thought yuo were SOP?” Dave asked, looking at SOAP with confusion. 

“NO! NEVER! I AM NOT SOAP!” 

“Ohg, okay then, are yuo gungry or NOT-SOAP???” Dave asked, still very confused. 

“Clog,” Blossom said, nodding towards the toilet, “very clogged. Sewage all over Dad’s room, grumpity grump when he comes back. Hollow go to room.” Hollow sighed and ran into their room, shutting the door right as the Pale Thing rolled into the palace. The Pale Thing stuck his nose in the air and sniffed in a deep waft, wrinkling his eyebrows with disgust.

“WtHA is this SMEEL????” he exclaimed, pinching his nonexistent nose and he waved his hand around. He flopped onto the floor with his bloody, stumpy legs that were cut off, somehow not noticing that the Palace was flooded by at least a foot of sewagy void and SOUL. 

“I am bored,” declared SOAP, “So I will go have a day plate with Cedrin because I am bored. This is the boarding.”

“I’m are not sure why, but the Nightmare King dropped a recipe for Lurien pie,” stated Jake, picking up some faces from the air. 

“Oh, what are the ingredients?” Quirrel asked, notepaper and pencil in hand. 

“Lurien, eggs, Lurien, flour, crust, sugar, minced fruit, zest, Lurien, lemon, and… flames,” Jake read off of the paper, “It says that Lurien pie is amazing and even better than Quirrel pie because he can’t get Quirrel pie because Monomon is annoying.” 

“Bye Good,” SOAP exclaimed before taking the Stag Station to Kingdom’s Edge even though there is no Stag Station to Kingdom’s Edge. Quirrel hurried after SOUP, quickly deciding that maybe he could get some notes about Joth, Snej, and Woji while he was at it. The other vessels quickly followed him. 

Hollow snuck around the Pale Thing, who was sniffing the floor suspiciously like a dog licking up someone’s fecal matter.

  
  


_________________________________________________________________

Cedrin sat on a bench, leaning on his nail with a bored expression. Woji was running around, screaming and yelling at Snej, who was curled lazily on her roof, snoring away. Primal Aspids waited angrily, one Primal Aspid taking out his watch to check the time as he grumpily waited for Woji to get Snej off of the roof so that she could serve them.

“OFF! GET OIFOFOOFOFOFOFFF!” screeched Woji as she flung Rancid Eggs at Snej, who was still somehow asleep. Tiso was running away from Molly, who had somehow found him in Kingdom’s Edge. Pale Lurker cackled alongside God Tamer, who was throwing cheese and bits of sponge at Tiso as he screamed for them to get Molly away. 

“This is boring,” Cedrin stated as Terzu hopped around, trying to see if she could steal anything. Suddenly, SOAP fell from the sky and landed on Cedrin’s face. 

“Wha-” 

“I AM NOT SOAP!!!” shrieked SOAP before a hundred more vessels fell from the sky and landed on them and Cedrin.

“I have Nightmare King attractor, watch this!” declared Ivy, “You will not be bored anymore!” She then threw a bottle of Pale Thing spray in the air, attracting Lurien. In a few seconds, all the Higher Beings were in the Tram, yelling about Lurien. The Nightmare King began singing about Lurien Soup and things again while Grimm yelled for him to stop singing because it was making fun of his bad singing voice.

“Lurien cake, Lurien cake, LURIEN CAKE!” screeched Grimmchild as shrilly and tone-deaf as a purple whale stuck in someone’s hamster’s nose. 

“Like father, like son, I guess,” muttered Cloth, cringing at the crazy family of moth vampire thingies who were trying to eat Lurien, and the Radiance, who had joined in on the horrible chorus. While everyone was stuck in the Tram, the Nightmare King continued to sing in a voice that was surprisingly not as horrible as people thought it would sound. 

“500 Lurien soups on the wall, 500 Lurien soups! Take one down, pass it around, 499 Lurien soups on the wall! 499…” The Nightmare King sang surprisingly well, but the same could not be said for Grimmchild or the Radiance. The Radiance sang alongside the Nightmare King, her voice sounding like that of the Pale Thing’s when he was constipated, and Grimmothy just sounded straight-up bad. Grimm had enough brain cells to know that he was a horrible singer, so he stayed quiet and endured the pain of listening to the stupid other Higher Beings sing. Unn sang nicely alongside the Nightmare King, making Grimm wonder whether the two of them should start a band or not.

“I AM NOT FOOD! STOP SINGING!” 

“Is it a Chorus? I want to join!” screamed Marissa like a burly fat thing, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT ANYONE IS SINGING! I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ANYONE IS SINGING!” 

“Can I mince him? I won’t eat any! I want to mince him!” Without waiting for an answer, SOAP turned into Bill, hit Lurien, screaming, “THIS IS FOR WHEN YOU CALLED ME SOAP 3 MONTHS AGO!” 

Myla burst through a Tram window, singing in a deep voice, “Bury my mother then bury my father, then bury my sister, then eat a barbequed Lurien!” 

“Why is everybody at my house,” Cedrin muttered as the Tram stopped in front of his house before like 9857698476894 people burst out of the tram to chase after Lurien. 

“A feast, a party!” Joth exclaimed happily as he threw a bunch of rocks at Lurien’s eyeball. Lurien shrieked in retaliation before screaming something about thinking the Pale Creature was over here. 

“Good, now, where was I? Oh yes, Lurien steak would be nice,” the Nightmare King remarked, using Quirrel’s pretzel legs to tie Lurien up. “However, it would indeed be much more delectable with pickles, AHEM.” Grimm rolled his eyes before flicking the Nightmare King’s forehead and walking away to look for herbs or something to season roasted Lurien. 

“Pepper works as well, but pickles are still better. They help the taste. I don’t understand your hate for pickles, Grimm.” 

“I don’t understand why you like disgusting vinegar more than plain cucumbers and pepper,  _ Nightmare King _ .” Came Grimm’s reply, as he asked, “Hey, Joth! Where do you keep your herbs and stuff? I need to use them for Lurien soup!” 

“Ask Woji, she keeps herbs that you can purchase! I have rocks! If you want to season your food with rocks, I could give you some rocks! I find sedimentary rocks to be especially good for eating, they come apart in your mouth and taste like dirt,” Joth said helpfully, shoving a rock into his mouth and consuming it with a loud crunch. SOAP stared at a rock on the ground that slightly resembled a bar of soap and tried to figure out whether they should be offended or not. Cedrin grabbed an igneous rock by accident and bit into it. His tooth ran out of his mouth, screaming loudly like Woji yelling at Snej before Grimmchild swooped down and picked it up. 

“Don’t take my teeth like that!” shrieked Cedrin, reaching for his tooth that jumped out of his mouth.

“I need it for Lurien cake!” Grimmothy replied, dancing out of Cedrin’s reach.

“Take Lurien’s teeth, not mine!” Cedrin sighed before chasing after Grimmchild, who refused to give him back his tooth. Lurien screamed as Moi shoved Koi into his eyehole because she felt like it. 

“Lurien cake is going to be amazing, I am going to make a Lurien cake!” Grimmchild screeched, “I love to eat Lurien cake! I don’t have a sweet tooth because Lurien cake tastes like demented meat sandwiches!” 

“What is a demented meat sandwich?” Unn inquired as she picked up Clover, who had been trying and failing to snatch the orange juice from the Radiance. Brumm shrugged before playing ‘Kingdom’s Edge’ but on the accordion. 

“I am the wants ittoo,” Dave said to the Nightmare King, who was examining Lurien, trying to find out what would be the most painless way to kill him out of a request from Grimm. 

“But seriously, you should plop him on a bench so if you run out of Lurien corpse you can make another Lurien corpse to make more food with,” remarked the Radiance, pulling out another plate and spoon. Shrugging, the Nightmare King picked up Lurien and plopped him onto the bench before continuing to examine Lurien. 

“Are you skilled in this? I really don’t want to die a painful death. Scratch that, I really don’t want to die at all. Maybe you guys could hunt some Mawleks or something? Or eat a vessel? I mean, not trying to shift the meal onto someone else, but I really don’t taste good…” Lurien continued to babble on and on about how he didn’t want to be eaten as the Nightmare King ignored him, still trying to find the most painless way to butcher Lurien. 

“You could knock him out and then cut off his head,” suggested Grimm, “And then start cooking. Or, you could give him an anesthetic and start burning him or something. Either way, I’m hungry and I want a Lurien soup.” 

“True, but I’m bored and kind of want to hear screaming. But, you want me to kill him painlessly...” The Nightmare King sighed before muttering about how he never got to have any fun. 

“Just cook him, already! I’m hungry, make something! And I need to feed Molly!” 

“Hold on and shut up! I’m trying to figure out how to kill his idiot!” 

“Fine. How about this: You knock him out and burn him, and I won’t annoy you when he wakes up on fire, okay? Now cook this idiot, I’m also hungry,” Grimm told the Nightmare King, “Just make food of some sort! Cake, soup, sushi, whatever!” 

“Sounds like a good plan,” the Nightmare King said, patting Grimm's shoulder before summoning a few fireballs. Lurien began to sweat nervously. 

“Um, you really don’t need to do this, maybe you can-” Before Lurien could continue, Grimm hit him on the head, knocking him out. 

“We really  _ do _ need to do this, though, I’m hungry,” Grimm stated out loud as Lurien’s unconscious body slumped over on Quirrel’s tangled-up pretzel arms and legs. Taking care not to injure any of Quirrel’s limbs, the Nightmare King bound Lurien with a few ropes that the Radiance had bought from Woji’s shop before untying Quirrel’s legs and flicking them away. Quirrel flopped away, getting tangled in his extended pretzel arms now that the Nightmare King had let him go. Unn began to season Lurien as the Nightmare King helped the Radiance and Grimm start a fire. Grimmothy found a big stick and brought it over to Joth and Snej, who tied Lurien onto it. 

“Cake first! Make the Lurien cake first!” Grimmothy screeched as the other children chanted alongside him like crazy little demons trying to summon Satan.

“No, because that’s desert. Go watch that bench, he’ll respawn and we need to restrain him,” Grimm replied as he flipped open the Nightmare King’s mouth like a lighter and punched him in the stomach, earning a few sparks of fire, “Now, why won’t this thing light? Are you out of fire or something, Nightmare King?” The Nightmare King rolled his eyes before shutting his mouth and tearing out of Grimm’s arms. He walked over to the pit of charcoal and wood. Bending over, the Nightmare King threw up some fire into the pit with the help of the Radiance, who was shooting concentrated sunbeams into the pit alongside the Nightmare King. Flames flickered as Unn finished squeezing lemon into unconscious Lurien’s eyeball.

“Hey, he’s waking up,” Tiso pointed out as Unn finished throwing herbs and stuff onto Lurien.

“OOOOOWWWWWWW!!” Lurien shrieked before dying and beginning to form on the bench, slowly, and for him, painfully. 

“Restrain him! We need more meat!” the Nightmare King commanded. 

Quirrel walked over to Lurien, muttered, “Sorry,” and tied him up. Grimmothy continued to chant about Lurien cake.

“Kill a TikTik or something! WHy me?” Lurien asked pitifully.

“All we’ve been eating are these boring bland travelers, and they all taste the same! My hope is that you will at least add some flavor to life. If not, I’m going to crack off Grimm’s arm and eat it,” the Nightmare King said as he tossed Lurien’s corpse into the pit of fire. 

“Quit joking about that, will you? I don’t even taste good, I’m supposed to be dead,” Grimm scolded, hitting the Nightmare King in the head lightly as Hive Knight muttered about socks, socks, socks, socks... And you guessed it, more socks. He apparently had completely forgotten how to say ships. 

“You’re next,” the Nightmare King growled to Hive Knight, successfully shutting him up. 

“I… don’t think that the Nightmare King was joking?” Cloth said, looking at Grimm with concern, “Grimmothy, has your second father really-”

“Well, Dad 2 told me that once, really really long ago, they traveled to some stupid village and got stuck in there because there was like invaders or something, so they weren’t allowed to leave without permission. Dad 2 wanted to just kill the whole village and leave but Dad 1 told him to be merciful and leave them be, so Dad 2 listened. However, there was a stupid famine, and since Dad 2 promised not to harm any villagers, he asked Dad 1 if he could eat his arms. Dad 1 said sure but only if he was knocked out or something and only if Dad 2 let him eat his arms as well since they’ll just regenerate. Dad 2 agreed and ate Dad 1’s arms then immediately regenerated them or something. Apparently, Dad 1 tasted nice or something because Dad 2 wanted to ask for more but he knew Dad 1 wouldn’t be comfortable so he didn’t. It’s weird,” Grimmchild explained to the children, telling them the weird story while they waited for the meal to be cooked. 

“Aaaaahh, children, I remember that story!” Divine exclaimed happily as she slithered over to speak with the children. “The King wouldn’t let me eat any! He described the taste like no other, and told me that if he could, he would love to eat more! But alas, Master refuses to have any other part of his body consumed. Such a shame, however, I do wish I could’ve tasted some...”

“This is very weird and kind of disturbing but okay,” said Quirrel, “No, sorry, can’t let you go, the Nightmare King wants to turn you into a cake.” 

“Can we stop discussing eating me?” asked Grimm, “Anyways, I can confirm that I taste like a burnt corpse zombie thing, so nobody should try to eat me, now anyways, Lurien is going to burn if we keep this up. Both of them.” 

“Quite the contrary, you taste… intriguing,” the Nightmare King muttered before Grimm smacked him in the face to get him to shut up. “Why the cold response? I would say that the lovely flavor of your flesh would be a compliment!”

“Thanks, you taste nice too, but there are  _ children _ around us!” Grimm said, pointing towards the stupid lumps of snot and void in the back, “Nobody, not even a bunch of horny teenagers would ever want to hear about this information, so you shut your trap.”

“Cringe,” Godseeker informed the children as she too waited for Lurien’s corpse to be cooked.

“Okay, so why has Koi decided that everyone here is a cannibal?” asked Cloth, choking on a dead Tiktik, “No, seriously, why?” 

“I,” replied Koi, throwing up Void, “The. Feel. Like it. Also, according to nature, bugs are cannibals. Also, the Nightmare King is supposed to be a scary mean stupid guy so I’m reinforcing that. He isn’t supposed to be a nice character, he’s evil cackle man. Nobody wants to be an evil cackle man, least of all a cannibalistic evil cackle man. I.” 

“That makes the so much sense,” Moi informed everyone. 

“Lurien is cooked,” the Nightmare King said as he jumped into the fire to pull out Lurien’s corpse. Cloth, deciding not to pass up an opportunity to try a new food shrugged before running over to join the others sitting at the bench.

“Yes, but what are you going to make him into?” asked Grimm as Grimmchild chanted, 

“ROASTEDD LURIEN CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!” 

“He is pretty much a steak right now,” the Nightmare King said as he looked at Lurien’s roasted body, “I think it best we leave him like this and add whatever we want if we really want to make him into something. Hmm… steak. Grimm steak.” Brumm quickly grabbed the Lurien Steak from the Nightmare King and slapped it onto the table. Setting out forks and knives, he then turned to the children and announced that dinner was ready.

“I can add to that,” Unn said, squeezing more and more lemon juice into Lurien’s eye. The Radiance saw the juice squeezing. 

“Oh, are we squeezing juice onto dead things? I can make it a living thing! Watch thi-” 

“No! Don’t do that! We’re eating, but for some reason, Unn wants a very sour steak!” 

“I call the eyeball,” Grimmothy said, ripping out several of Lurien’s charred teeth. 

“Share with the other children, won’t you?” Grimm asked as the Nightmare King nodded in agreement, “Also, Nightmare King, you wanted one too, but I convinced you to not put in the pickles.” 

“Yes, but I let you put 2991 chilly peppers onto his foot.” Cloth suddenly choked and started tearing up as she bit into her piece of roasted foot. “Also, pickles do not make it sour. As I have said before, I only wanted to  _ season _ him with pickles, not douse him in pickles. Too much of anything isn’t good.” The Nightmare King then reached into Cloth’s throat and pulled out the piece of steak that she was choking on.

“Watch the foot, kid,” the Nightmare King said before tossing the spicy piece of steak away for Molly to eat, “Extra chili peppers down there. Meant for me, Grimm, and Grimmchild only.”

“It’s too spicy! How would Grimm be able to eat this thing?!” 

“Well, Dad 1  _ did _ eat a lot of fire...” 

“I died from the Aspid attack 29  _ decades _ ago, not 29 years ago, get your facts right!” screeched the Radiance, yelling at Godseeker about how she was smarter and prettier than her. 

“Thou shalt deal with well-deserved punishment! None will rise higher! For all thou can agree, we are the fairest thus far!” Godseeker screamed back. 

“Hey, you stupids!” shouted the Radiance as she pointed at all the people swarming the dinner table, “Who’s prettier, me or Godseeker?”

“Grimm,” muttered the Nightmare King. 

“I am beautiful,” Grimm boasted in his raspiest voice. Grimmothy facepalmed. 

“Me!” screeched Dave, “I em so prettier then yuo all of! ME! SO PRITTY! FLAWLESS, BUATIFUL!!!”

“NO!” screamed SOAP as they shoved a Primal Aspid into Dave’s eye socket, “I AM PRETTY!”

“Zote,” said Zote.

“Don’t brush your teeth, you can char them better if they are cracked and yellow,” Grimmothy advised Terzu as he grabbed the Primal Aspid back from Dave’s eye socket, “Dad 2’s dead child pickled charred tooths soup is good.” 

“Teeth,” Quirrel corrected, “Also, personally, I think that Cloth would be the prettiest girl here. She has a nice personality.”

“Aw, thanks!” Cloth said happily before SOAP yelled something about them being beautiful as well. 

“We all have inner beauty,” Marissa said happily. 

“My entrails look hideous,” Cedrin replied, downtrodden. Joth patted him on the back, saying that he was an awesome son and nobody could wish for better. 

  
“I do not the know what is gone in on,” said Table Vessel. 

“MY GET OFF! BUTT FAT!!! BUTT FAT!!! OFFF!” shrieked the Chair Vessel who was being sat on by Grimm.

“I am not fat, you are,” Grimm retorted as he leaned over to grab some Lurien steak. 

The Hollow Knight ran into the room, yelling something about no stop I don’t want to be engaged to a buzzsaw, and ran into a cupboard, somehow fitting in it. 

“What was that about, if he’s being annoying, can’t you just... Squash him? Like, he’s puny and you’d be doing us all a favor,” The Radiance suggested, watching the Hollow Knight hide in the cupboard that was currently being used to store a spare piece of Lurien steak. 

“I am a pacifist,” Hollow said, their voice muffled as they hid in the cupboard.

“No you aren’t, you literally keep murdering everyone when you were accidentally enrolled in the Godseeking program, remember? You’re the Pure Vessel or something.” 

“That was a vision of what I was supposed to be right now, that wasn’t actually me. I don’t like to kill, but Father makes me do it. I mean, look at the cloak color, and-” Hollow stopped talking and closed the cupboard door as the noises of an unwelcome guest approached. 

“WEAR THE IS PUR VESEL??? NOT THE SPEAK! MUST MARY THE BUZZSAW!” The Pale Thing flopped into the room like a drunken giraffe. Children cringed and scuttled away from him, clearing a pathway towards the other adults. Tiso was crushed by Molly.

“You shouldn’t engage your child to an inanimate object because it’s their birthday and they turned 18 today, that’s like... Even worse than being forced to have a stupid God shoved into your head. I know, I got  _ him _ shoved into my head when I was 17,” Grimm said matter-of-factly as he pointed to the Nightmare King.

“YES! MY SHOL BETRE! I! SHOVE THE INTO THE HEAD! GOODBYE INFECRION YUO MORN! HA! I AHVE BETRERERE SHOOL! THEN YUO!” shrieked the Pale Creature.

“Everyone in this room except Lurien would disagree with that, even your children,” the Radiance said, tossing a glinting nail thing at him. 

“Dad is crazy,” Dave said informatively as other vessels chimed in agreement. Blender made whirring noises, giving everyone buzzsaw PTSD but agreeing with their siblings nonetheless. 

“See, Wyrm? Your children, who have less than 1 IQ each, are still smarter than you and know that you are wrong because for some reason you only have one student, who you are trying to make marry a buzzsaw for some reason.” 

“I do not want to marry a buzzsaw,” came Hollow’s muffled voice from the cupboard.

“SHUT YOUR UPPPPPP!” shrieked the Pale Thing, “ALL OF YUO MUST NOT HAVE VOICES TO THINK, OR MINDS TO CRY SUFFFERING! SHUT YOUR UP, JUST SHUT!!!!!! I HAVE THE 986753428 IQ, NOT YUO!!!! YUO SOOOOOOO STEWPID!! UGLY! POOP!”

“Oh no, my feelings are hurt,” the Nightmare King said in the most monotone voice you can imagine, “That was so mean that I am crying so much.” 

“Can we make the Lurien cake now? I want the Lurien cake! Now!” Grimmchild screeched, ripping out Grimm’s teeth out of boredom. The Nightmare King walked up to Grimmothy and ripped out his teeth before snatching Grimm’s teeth back. 

“Yes, we can, but everybody has to be done eating first,” Grimm said as the Nightmare King handed him his teeth back, “And stop ripping out everyone’s teeth! It’s annoying when you do it to me, and twice as annoying when you do it to other people! You too, Nightmare King.” 

“MORE FIRE!” Grimmchild shrieked, flying over to ignore Grimm and attempt to bake Lurien into a cake by burning him. Spitting scarlet flames all over Lurien’s face, Grimmchild continued to chant, “MORE! MORE FIRE!” 

“That is an absolutely atrocious way to bake,” Grimm said as Unn made a noise of disapproval, “Stop it, you’re just going to make a huge mess. Also, quit throwing up fire before Cedrin’s house goes up in flames and I take away your arm privileges forever.” Grimmothy sucked in all the flames like a vacuum before floating over to Grimm. 

“STOP THAT!” shrieked Lurien, “I AM STILL NOT A FREAKING INGREDIENT!” 

“Yes you are,” replied the Nightmare King, “EVERYTHING is edible if you think about it.” He leaned towards Grimm, who glared at him. 

_____________________________________________________________________

“What’s going on? Where’d everyone go?” Herrah asked sleepily before going back to sleep for the rest of the chapter. 

______________________________________________________________________

“I have the dead,” said Dave as he poured gasoline on Lurien’s eyeball (no it is not malicious intent he is just stupid and thinks gasoline is syrup I mean look he’s drinking the gas okay shut up even though I can’t hear or see you and you don’t exist) 

“I am not a cannibal, I eat poop,” stated Dung Defender, “No, it’s not creepy it’s natural and I only eat my own poop, no, my trumpet is clean.” 

“That is  _ disgusting _ , who asked? I don’t want to know that,” Grimm snapped, “It might be natural for you, but that is most definitely  _ not _ normal for me.”

“My school is beetle then you’res,” muttered the Pale King, still there for some reason. 

“Can you leave and find your child somewhere else, you demented fork?” 

“NO!!”

“Pardon, Grimm, but have you ever tried eating poop? How could you say that it is disgusting if you’ve never tried?” the Nightmare King asked. Grimm looked at him with an expression of disgust. 

“LURIEN MEATBALLS! ON THE LURIEN CAKE! WE NEED TO BAKE HIM NOW OR I’LL COMMIT ARSON!” Grimmchild started screeching again. 

“Excuse my sorry ass, child, but your other brainless father seems to think that I would enjoy eating shit,” Grimm said, cringing as he backed away from the Nightmare King.

“Ah, no. I just figured with all the vulgarities you’ve been spewing about the last few chapters, there’s bound to be  _ something _ nasty in that mouth of yours,” the Nightmare King retorted before walking away to bake a Lurien cake because the children wouldn’t shut up. 

“LURIEN CAKE WOULDN’T EVEN WORK BUT IT WOULD STILL BE A CAKE! MAKE THE STUPID FRICKING LURIEN CAKE, OR I COMMIT ARSON!” Grimmchild continued hollering and yodeling, 

“Child, ask nicely.”

“Please make a Lurien cake.”

“There we go.”

Brumm flipped over his accordion. There was something wrong with it, but he just couldn’t figure out what. 

“Did you try eating it?” Divine asked, suddenly appearing behind Brumm.

“Mrmm, no. Why would I?”

Divine shrugged before slithering away to bother other children and curse their food with Bright Pink Frogs from the Desert of Bright Pink Frogs. The Pale Thing tumbled over majestically, landing face-first on Brumm’s foot. Brumm kicked the Pale Thing off of his foot and started backing away slowly. Before he could run off, the Pale Creature shot up and brushed debris and dust off of his toga. He stared at Brumm with his beady eyes as he snorted up a booger that was dangling from his nose, making him look like that one booger kid in The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker. 

“Busszaw,” declared the Pale King, not breaking eye contact with Brumm, who looked at him uncomfortably. 

“Umm…”

“BUZZSAW!”

“W-what about buzzsaws?” The Pale Thing waddled up to Brumm and extended his neck up to Brumm’s face. 

“Buzzsaw…. M O R E,” the Pale Thing whispered before tossing 9483593809584309 geo into Brumm’s eyes. He then rolled away, screaming about how Hollow wasn’t anywhere and they must marry a buzzsaw because the Pale Creature is stupid. Brumm looked at the Pale Thing in confusion before taking the geo and walking away to design more stupid buzzsaws for the White Palace. 

“Wow okay now is the cake ready yet because I want the Lurien cake,” said Grimmchild, flapping around in circles like a demented little squid possessed by the Radiance. 

“No,” said the Nightmare King.

“BUZZSAW MANY!! 5000000000000000x! MANY MORE, I PAY VERY MUCH GEO!” shrieked the Pale Thing over Brumm’s shoulder, spitting saliva all over Brumm’s paper that he was using to design yet another buzzsaw palace. Brumm sighed before sketching 20000000000000000000000000 more buzzsaws on the paper. 

Lurien squirmed around in Quirrel’s tangled-up legs, not wanting to be eaten by the stupid cannibalistic school full of depressed people who committed arson. Unfortunately, Quirrel’s weird pretzel powers made him even more tangled up and stuck. Lurien was now unable to move, and only his eye was visible in Quirrel’s tangled up pipe cleaner-looking darkened legs. 

“No, it’s nice you’re making a Lurien cake, but... This is too literal, can’t you make a cake that  _ looks _ like me instead of actually eating me?” Lurien tried, before being quieted by a moldy chunk of rock that was thrown at him. 

“Shut up,” muttered Grimmothy, “I want sweets.”

_______________________________________________________________________

“Why is the palace so quiet?” Hornet asked as she leaned against the White Lady.

“I don’t know, but we should relax. For once, your siblings aren’t wrecking the place, my husband isn’t yelling, and all the buzzsaws are being quiet, so I say that we relish in the tranquility and do not worry,” the White Lady responded. Hornet sighed and leaned against her stepmother. 

“Mom?”

“Yes, darling?”

“Why did you marry the Pale Creature? He really… I don’t know, you just seem so nice, but he just seems…” Hornet trailed off, not wanting to upset the White Lady. the Root sighed, her branches shuffling as she yawned tiredly.

“He wasn’t always like this, you know? He used to be so kind and compassionate, all throughout our marriage, even to this day. To me, at least. Perhaps stress? The return of the Radiance and other Higher Beings really did take a toll on him, but… I really don’t know anymore. But I do know one thing. I’m not going to leave him, he’s been with me for a very long time now.” The White Lady examined her roots, shimmering with pale light as Hornet ran her hand along the edge of her nail. 

“But still, the fact that everyone has been so quiet is worrying me, normally there would be screams you could hear from even here, and the Nightmare King would be setting the palace on fire, and the floor would be covered in Void, and-” 

“I wouldn’t worry so much if I were you, child. The peace is lovely.” 

“Is that why you spend so much time in your gardens, away from the palace?”

“I suppose so.” There was a small silence before Hornet spoke again.

“Mom?” 

“Hm?” 

“What about Lurien? He and the Pale King… and my Mom…”

“Ah, I don’t resent them for it. After all, the Pale King is quite handsome and is a very polite and kind man, so I do not blame them for chasing after him. If I could, I would share my husband with the whole world. However, those are some of the only ones who seem to like him.”

Hornet muttered something to herself before slumping back against her tree mom. 

“Like him? Lurien is madly in love with him,” Hornet murmured, “But at the same time, you’re too nice.” The White Lady chuckled. 

“I shall accept that as a compliment.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some interesting discussions about what's in our basement and also I dont know what this fic is even about anymore

“I can’t believe nobody can hear the screaming and fire from back at the schools,” remarked Grimmchild, “It’s so loud, you can hear screaming and everything.” 

“How do you know if they can’t hear it?” Cedrin asked, poking at his Lurien steak, “Do you have some sort of freaky divination powers or something?” 

“No, it’s just that if they could hear this, then the police would be here by now.” 

“Police exist?” 

“Yeah, Dad 2 burned down the station last month when Dad 1 got arrested.” 

“Oh, I see.” 

“What is, in your opinion, the best way to torture children?” the Nightmare King asked, trying to start a conversation with the other parents and Higher Beings.

“I do not torture children, I nurture and care for them,” Unn said, rocking a Mosskin to sleep, “Children are precious things, they must not be harmed.”

“I tell them what they did wrong and then tell them why they are being punished, we talk it out, and if I’m right, I throw a bench at their head,” Joth said happily. 

“You throw rocks, not benches.” 

“Buzzsaw,” the Pale Thing said informatively and matter-of-factly.

“I throw both,” Joth exclaimed, “Rocks, benches, vengeflies, everything!”

“Buzzsaws,” the Pale Thing repeated. 

“I scream in their ears to make them bleed in retaliation for them screaming in my ears and making them bleed,” Grimm said, “But that’s really rare. Most of the time, if I get pissed off, then the Nightmare King becomes like 10909809839042x more pissed off and oozes out of my head and burns them all to death.”

“Can confirm,” the Nightmare King replied as he reached over to set Jake on fire. 

“I think somebody is going to die in a few minutes,” Grimmchild said, watching Lurien screaming about get the rock off my eye I can’t see. 

“I am going to die.” Grimm loaded a rifle and was about to shoot himself before Grimmothy took the rifle and plopped it onto the Nightmare King’s head. 

“Hey, give that back!” screeched Grimm as he tried and failed to grab the stupid rifle off of the Nightmare King’s head. The Nightmare King made no move to help him, as he continued to examine the rock that Joth had thrown at him. Grimm scampered around the Nightmare King, looking for a stool or something he could use to get his gun back.

“World record,” Grimmchild said before Marissa put a vessel underneath the Nightmare King, making the weird tower thing taller. The Nightmare King, somehow still ignoring everything around him turned around to address Joth.

“What type of rock is this? It seems rather interesting.”

“Oh, might be a SOUL rock,” Joth said as he flopped over to look at the rock the Nightmare King was holding. “Concentrated SOUL turned into a rock. Those are very healthy, I would eat it if I were you.” 

“Hmm.”

Grimm clambered (or tried to) onto the Nightmare King’s back, slipping each time because the Nightmare King had no good footholds. 

“Give me my rifle back!” screeched Grimm as he hopped up and down like an angry leprechaun. The Nightmare King ignored him and teleported another rock towards him so that he could examine it.

“High,” announced the Hammer vessel, seating itself under the Nightmare King’s foot. Grimm screamed louder, shrieked because now the Nightmare King was really, really, really out of reach. 

“High, High, High, High, High, High, High,” echoed the Tape Recorder vessel, sounding like a dead bright pink frog. 

“How is that rifle not falling off the NIghtmare King’s head?” Marissa asked as the tower became higher and higher and as Grimm screeched louder and louder. Grimmothy shrugged before placing SOAP underneath the Hammer Vessel, increasing the height of the tower to his excitement and Grimm’s dismay. 

“Hey, if you put Marissa under everyone then they’ll fly away!” Lurien shouted, hoping the Nightmare King would go away soon. Soon, the Radiance was underneath the tower, for some reason holding everyone up. Grimm tumbled around, hollering angrily and yelling insults like, “you disgusting fried toenails”, “ugly no-good acid tablet that makes no sense”, and my personal favorite, “Kingsoul”.

The Radiance gasped. 

“I am not Kingsoul!” she exclaimed, glaring at Grimm. 

“Yes you are, because you won’t fly me up there so I can get my rifle, you _Kingsoul_.” 

“Why am I even doing this? You’re insufferable, you deserve to die!”

“Because if you don’t and Grimm dies, then I’ll be taking the lives of everyone else in this room as well,” the Nightmare King interjected, tossing a SOUL rock at the Radiance. 

“Stop throwing my rocks, use your fire or something! You have terrible aim!” Joth yelled from down below, on a bench. 

“No, these are nearby. I don’t really want to use fire or I’d make the bomb thing Grimm is setting there go off. Grimm was indeed making a bomb.

“WHAT?!” Grimm screeched at the people looking at him, “I WANT TO DIE!”

“Well, taking your own life is one matter, but taking your life and multiple others’ is just plain trashy,” Unn interjected. The Nightmare King sighed. Hissing, he snapped the rifle in half and tossed it away before floating down the stupid tower to drag Grimm away somewhere so he doesn’t kill himself or other people. The Nightmare King picked up Grimm and flung him over his shoulder before snapping and teleporting away. 

“Hey, Unn, why are you not a dried-up blob by now?” asked Blossom, for some reason speaking normally and fluently, “You’re are the a slug tharen’t you should the be dry upped??” 

“No, I am a god. Just like how the Nightmare King should really be dead right now because of his unusually high body temperature, I am able to pull through because I am a Higher Being,” Unn explained before tossing the Mosskin back into Greenpath. 

“You have very good aim,” Joth noted as he observed the Mosskin fly away.

“Do you judge people by their aim or something?” 

“Yes and no.” 

“Where did the Nightmare King go?” Woji asked, “He literally does that weird thing all the time, he just picks up Grimm and teleports away to somewhere. Hey, vessels, does your father do that to the White Lady, or does this only occur in the Nightmare Kingdom? Am I missing something? Also, SNEJ GET OFF MY ROOOOOOOF!!!!” 

“No, can I have some roof spikes?” Snej responded as Woji threw a bunch of boots and tables and other things at Snej.

“Quirrel, let me go. The Nightmare King is gone now so he doesn’t want to eat me anymore so I need to go so let me go-” before Lurien could continue, Grimmothy flew over and tossed him into the fire pit thing that acted as an oven.

“I DO NOT!!!” screeched the Pale Thing, “WIFE DOES TO MEEEEE EE e E EE eE EE E EE E E E E E E E E :E E!!!!!M I SKREEM LIKE DYING CANCAR, AND SHE FATS ROOT DRAG ME BACK TO WHOTE PLACE TO CALM ME DOWN!!!!!!! :” Suddenly, the White Lady’s weird root thingies extended to Kingdom’s Edge, wrapping around the Pale Creature as he continued to shriek. The Pale Thing was promptly dragged away to the White Palace.

“I am saved,” Hollow said, flopping out of the cupboard. 

“VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV,” went the Blender Vessel, grinding up Lurien’s foot to a mushy Lurien foot smoothie that smelled disgusting. 

“Oop!” Everyone turned around to look at Grimmothy, who was scrunching his head in confusion. 

“What is it?” Cedrin asked. Grimmchild continued to stay still, seeming like he was listening to something intently. 

“Linked minds,” Godseeker muttered, “Has thy ups and downs. Child, do your parents not wish for solitude? It is quite rude when thou own offspring is listening and thy attention is uncalled for.” Grimmothy ignored Godseeker before shaking his head. 

“...Lurien was not as… No, you may not… Don’t kill yourse… Why must you...” Grimmothy muttered stuff to himself in Grimm and the Nightmare King’s voice, weirding everyone out. His voice was barely audible, but it was unmistakably Grimm and the Nightmare King’s voice.

“That is extremely creepy,” Cloth whispered to Myla, who nodded in agreement as Grimmchild continued to hiss out words and stuff. Grimmchild cackled something to himself in his own voice before resuming growling to himself in Grimm and the Nightmare King’s voice.

“Your family is very weird, but what’s weirder is the fact that Quirrel isn’t scribbling notes all over the place right now,” Cedrin noted, “It looks like he’s getting tired.” Quirrel, in the corner, was struggling to keep Lurien the Stalker tied up so that the Nightmare King didn’t brutally murder him. Cloth, SOAP, Myla, and several others hopped over to Lurien and held him down, relieving Quirrel of his burden. Quirrel then immediately began scribbling down 58967589587989753 notes. 

____________________________________________________________

“Are you really so miserable with me around?” the Nightmare King asked, leaning against the wall as Grimm sat down next to him. 

“...No.”

“Then, Grimm, tell me. What bothers you so much to the point that you want to end it all?” There was silence. Then, a faint flapping noise in the back and a flash of Grimmothy’s face caught the Nightmare King’s attention. The Nightmare King hissed slowly. He had forgotten to sever the mind link. Turning around, his mind formed into a blade, cutting off the connection spell. Grimmchild was flung out of Grimm’s mind with the brute force of a singing marker. 

_______________________________________________________

Grimmothy’s eyes popped open and he shot up. 

“NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!1!!” he screamed, rolling around and throwing a fit, spooking several Higher Beings. 

“OH, GOD! WHAT THE HECK, GRIMMCHILD???!!” SOAP screeched as they shot up as well from sitting on top of Lurien. 

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” Grimmchild continued to shriek angrily, flopping around like a caterpillar on drugs. 

“My best guess is that his mind connection has been cut,” Quirrel said hastily as he jotted down like 50 notes, “But I could be completely wrong. Maybe Grimm said something.”

“I WANTED TO LISTENNNNNNNNNN!!!” Grimmchild whined, rolling around and screaming angrily. 

“Alright, but maybe there was a reason that he wanted you to not listen?” Marissa asked, “But no matter, we do not care or respect privacy in this fic, so spill what you heard!”

“The usual, ‘don’t try and kill yourself it’s a bother to respawn you’ and ‘no’. And there was something else, but I don’t think it was really important,” Grimmchild said grumpily as he kicked Lurien’s eye. “Oh yeah, Dad 2 was talking about how Lurien didn’t taste good or something. Dad 1 blabbed something something about it not being his problem, and then they went back to screaming about Dad 1’s suicidal tendencies. Then, Dad 2 kicked me out.” Grimmchild scowled.

“Wait, what was that?”

“Huh?”

“The part that you didn’t really think was important or something something?”

“Oh, Kingdom management, upcoming meeting about something something blah blah BLAH I don't know political stuff that Kings worry about or something, Higher Being meeting,” Grimmchild said with a dismissive wave of his wings. The Radiance dropped Molly. 

“OH F-” the Radiance exclaimed, stopping herself at the last minute, “HIGHER BEING MEETING! TOMORROW! I’M SO STUPID!!” 

“Maybe the Lifeblood creature will finally turn up this time,” Unn said thoughtfully as Quirrel went through 50 notebooks.

“I AM THE HIGHEST BEING!” shrieked SOUP, transforming into Bill and screaming, “I AM THE HIGHEST! BEING! FOREVER! EVER! HIGHEST!” 

“Well, you certainly are high,” Cloth remarked, watching Bill scream and run around about beating Failed Tampon, “In terms of _that_ , you _are_ the highest.” 

“I was a stupid kid back then, but now I am just stupid,” somebody whispered into Quirrel’s eye for no reason, with some sort of mushroom over their head. 

“What? Wait, oh. Hi, which vessel are you?” Quirrel asked, his smelly face stuck to his notebook. 

“I,” said the nameless vessel with a mushroom stuck to their head. 

“I name the e Mushroom Face of the Fungal Wastes,” another nameless vessel told them, “Yuo have are a name now.” Mushroom Face of the Fungal Waste jumped for joy and squealed louder than a pig stuck in an airplane going 2 miles per hour into a volcano on Jupiter while throwing up sand into the toilet, which was clogged by Blossom and being tied up by Quirrel’s arms. 

“This is my best buddy Toe,” said Jared, pointing to a vessel that was clearly just a scarecrow and not a vessel at all, “He looks like a toe. He is a vessel and I am Nightmare King Germm.” Jared’s high heels fell off and he said, “Do not the are worry, Nightmare King Germ, me’s, foots fell offs all time the.” 

“You do not smell like Dad?” Grimmothy stated as he stared at Jared, who was hastily trying to put the ridiculously high high-heels back on. 

“I am the your the Dad 2 NIGHTMARE KING GERM!” 

“The what now?” 

“I am not a germ.” The Nightmare King teleported into the room with Grimm in a fat, red puff of smoke and Nightmare Essence. The Radiance perked up. 

“Oh, good. You’re back. Come on, I want dinner now! Make a Lurien dish or something!” 

“Why should I? Shouldn’t _you_ be the one doing this? I’m not your personal cook!”

“I’m your creator, I made you your smelly Grimm. I also made you, so at least cook me a smelly Lurien dinner. Anyways, you’re already going to cook him, so you should give some to me.”

“I _already_ cooked for you, you smelly fat sun moth!” 

“Yeah, but I’m still hungry.” The Nightmare King scowled at the Radiance before walking over and writing down something on a piece of paper. 

“Can you please let me down?” Grimm asked, “It’s quite uncomfortable being suspended on your shoulder like this. Also, Radiance, you said you created me? Why in the holy Joth would you create me?” The Nightmare King ignoring Grimm and continued to write down stupid stuff on the piece of paper. 

“It wasn’t _my_ fault,” the Radiance grumbled, “The whole stupid race that I created is at fault for that. It’s hard to manage a whole stinky population, and even harder when other smelly Higher Beings get involved!” The Nightmare King walked over to the Radiance and slapped the piece of paper he was scribbling all over onto the Radiance’s fat forehead. 

“WHAT IS THIS???!!” shrieked the Radiance as the Nightmare King stalked away to the other side of the room. 

“I might as well be paid for it,” the Nightmare King snapped before tossing Grimm across the room and causing him to land on the stupid childrens’ faces. The Radiance squinted at the stupid piece of paper that the Nightmare King had shoved into her eyehole. 

“ _Lurien steak…_ FIFTY MILLION GEO??!!!” the Radiance screeched, tossing the paper onto the floor, “THAT IS EXTREMELY OVERPRICED! AS YOUR STUPID CREATOR, I _DEMAND_ YOU TO COOK ME A LURIEN STEAK, FREE OF COST!” The Nightmare King cackled crazily as he sat down next to Grimm, who was chewing on one of the SOUL rocks. 

“This SOUL rock is disgusting, it tastes like the souls of smelly bugs,” Grimm declared as he tossing the stupid rock covered in his saliva at the Radiance, “Joth, why in the world would you advise me to eat it?” 

Joth pointed to a different SOUL rock. “Try that one. It smells like dead children.” Grimm tried the other one that Joth had pointed to. 

“This one tastes like the toenails of dead children,” he stated grumpily before flinging that across the room as well. 

“How do you know what children’s toenails taste like?” the Radiance asked, looking for an excuse to fire Grimm because she couldn’t do it to the Nightmare King. 

“Because I once was bored, tried to eat a child, choked on a toenail, got arrested for child murder, and then the Nightmare King burned down the police station for the fifth time that month.” 

“Can confirm, now are you going to pay up or not? I am in desperate need of money,” the Nightmare King said as Grimm snatched another rock and bit into it, only to find out that this time it tasted like the Nightmare King’s toenails. Grimm gagged as the Radiance glared at the Nightmare King, who smiled at her maliciously. 

“We don’t need money, mrmm,” Brumm uttered to himself, “The Nightmare King is the ruler of a whole kingdom, he can literally create his own currency and give himself unlimited money.” 

“Oh, I’m quite aware of that,” the Nightmare King replied cheerfully, “I just want an excuse to piss the Radiance off and help Grimm. There was a chance, so I took it.” He grinned at the Radiance, who was currently being pelted by rocks from both Grimm, Joth, Cedrin, and Snej. While Snej was throwing rocks at the Radiance, Woji was throwing rocks at him.

“Toe is my best buddy,” stated Jared, hugging the scarecrow and watching it disintegrate into tiny scraps of fabric, “Toe is so strong that even a tank would not defeat him because he is like a dead bird. The tank will go over him and he will fit in your shoe groove like Edward Elric.” There was a faint screaming noise from some weird little speck that was red and yellow.

“Get that flea out of here, I don’t want it to attack the leftovers,” Cloth said as the flea screeched something about not being short. 

“I’m are a superharo,” Mushroom Face of the Fungal Wastes said, “Are the get away of flea. The.” They then stepped on the flea and it died. Hornet cried out in distress in the distance, because she needed to collect fleas to get magic fancy fruits for SilkSong. Grimm screamed something about Silksong not going to release before the Nightmare King shoved a rock into his mouth, yelling about him needing to try this one because it tasted like chicken feet. Grimm spat out the rock. 

“Don’t destroy everyone’s happiness and hopes, Grimm.” 

“But it’s true!” 

“Why must you hurt me in this way,” said Dave as SOP shoved a Vengefly into his ears, “Do not the please or else the oh no the again will. Bad, Worse, not the a good happen to thing. Lace bye bye not much good but the SilkSong needs the be to exist or else the hope bye goes bye! Not the good!” He threw up a violin and ran away. Grimm looked at the smelly vessel in confusion. 

“I did not understand a single word that you just said,” Grimm yelled, “You need to speak normally, nobody can understand yo-” 

“I CAN THE INDERSAND EVERYONE! VESSEL! ARE! THE UNDERSADN!” Blossom screamed from somewhere, “I! CAN! THE!” Grimm looked at the smelly, puny vessel with confusion, still not understanding anything the vessels said. 

“I AM A DYING TABLE!” replied SOUP, more loudly than Blossom. They then fell off a tree and cracked their head open. Dave, his head spinning on his nonexistent neck, ran straight into SOAP’s Shade and fell down, having no idea what had just happened. 

“MY the head are is the backside down? Cann ot SEE!” 

“Anyways, although you need to have hope, I have lost mine and now know that SilkSong is not real, which is the sad, sad truth.” Grimm turned around and sat on SOP’s cracked head, which was laying on the ground, lifeless and full of Void. Suddenly, Lace, Sharpe, and Trobbio started fading away. 

“No, wait! SilkSong is real! STOP! NO! SCHOOLVERSE! NOT CANON! SILKSONG IS REAL IN CANON! STOP! COME BACK HERE, YOU STUPID SMELLY WADS OF FAT!” Moi shrieked, grabbing Koi and throwing her at the Silksong characters to solidify them again or something. They formed back, allowing Hornet to hit them all with her bendy needle 29 times each even though she was in Queen’s Gardens. 

“Yes, but it really isn’t r-” 

“SHUT YOUR UP!” Moi ran over and shoved a rock down his throat. The Nightmare King continued to yell at the Radiance about smelly steaks that cost too much Geo. “Stop! Let the believe! SILKSONG!” 

“So anyways, either you pay up or I scream and set people on fire until the authors write about you bleeping out of existence and turning me into the principal,” the Nightmare King growled, “ _Or_ you pay up so I can have my money and cook dinner. The smelly Lurien is getting cold and I need to kill it soon. Also, Grimmchild is complaining about cake. Hurry up and pay.” He slapped the Radiance with a spatula covered in random bits of toe. 

“What in the world is wrong with you?! I created you! Also, that is extremely overpriced! And if you attempt to annoy Moi and Koi into making you the principal, I am going to infect Grimm! _And_ , I am going to test this new thing called, ‘Can I Make All Moths Pop Out Of Existence?’ I think it’ll work!” the Radiance snapped back like a 20-year-old turtle dying from lack of pesticide. 

“But if I become the principal, you will be gone and so will the Infection!” 

“Yes, but what if I banished you? I know where your smelly lantern is! I can make it so nobody ever sees you here ever again! You won’t be able to come here!” 

“I’ll set your house on fire.” 

“I’ll put orange juice all over you, Grimm, and your house.” 

“You’re a chicken on fire?” asked Carrie, hitting her steak with a branch. 

“Then I will set your whole Realm on fire, and you can’t do anything because you don’t know how to get to my Realm,” the Nightmare King hissed back. The Radiance growled in frustration because she did not in fact know how to get to the Nightmare Realm. 

“Come on, Nightmare King, we need to find you a new mental counselor so that you don’t massacre everyone in the room right now. Maybe if we’re lucky he won’t run away the second he finds out who you are. Come on!” Grimm grabbed the Nightmare King by the arm and attempted to drag him out the door. It didn’t work because the Nightmare King was too FAT and heavy. 

“Aren’t you my mental counselor?” the Nightmare King asked, ceasing to yell at the Radiance for one second. Grimm shrugged because he did not know. The Radiance screamed and threw a pineapple at the Nightmare King, chanting about tropical fruit drinks and mango smoothies that will make bugs like her more because nobody enjoys orange juice nowadays. 

“So does this mean we can make the Lurien cake now?” Grimmchild squeaked, watching Grimm attempt to drag the Nightmare King away from the Radiance. 

“Yes, yes it does, because this stupid smelly moth refuses to pay up,” the Nightmare King said grumpily as he stomped over to Lurien and shoved him into the fire. Grimm plopped himself on a chair somewhere, giving up on finding Nightmare King a mental counselor because he couldn’t even get him out the door. 

“Sleep over?” Dave asked, plopping onto the floor, “Speep rover?”

“Yeah, you can do that,” Joth replied to Cedrin’s dismay, “What? You’ve been so antisocial lately, and I’ve tried talking to you multiple times as to why! Maybe these other children can help or something. Or the Nightmare King, he’s Grimm’s mental counselor.”

“..and once you shove the victim into the oven, you turn the temperature all the way to 350 degrees Fahrenheit….” the Nightmare King said to Grimm and Grimmothy, who were listening intently. Cedrin sighed. 

“Do you really think these crazy people will even be able to fit at home? You live on a bench and I sleep in Woji’s shop thing.” 

“They can all sleep in Woji’s basement!”

“NO!” screamed Woji, “NOBODY GOES IN MY BASEMENT!!” 

“You know, I’ve seen SOAP go into your basement before. They had a key.” 

“I AM NOT SOAP! NEVER!” 

“They DID?!” Woji grabbed SOAP by the neck and began shaking them furiously. 

“WHAT DID YOU SEE? DID YOU SEE ANYTHING? WAS THERE ANYTHING? WHEN WAS THIS? HOW-” SOAP, being strangled by Woji, could not say anything other than a few sputters and strangled shrieks. 

“Wow, that woman has serious issues,” remarked the Nightmare King, ignoring the fact that he probably had more mental problems than Woji did. Woji continued to shriek and screech at SOAP, throttling them as SOAP glared at her angrily. 

“I get that you may have something in your basement that you want to hide, like a vivisection of the ones who harmed a friend, but-” the Nightmare King started before he was cut off by Grimm. 

“Pardon? You have a bunch of disemboweled bodies stored in our basement?” Grimm asked, turning around from the oven to look at the Nightmare King. 

“Oh, yeah, because you shouldn’t waste corpses! If I ever run out of children to pickle, I can look in the basement! It’s just like a meat cabinet or something!” 

Brumm shivered. 

“I’ve told you multiple times, your Majesty, that the basement should be cleared,” Brumm muttered, “That place is… disturbing, to say the least. Mrmm.”

“NO, NOBODY IS ALLOWED IN MY BASEMENT!” screeched Woji as she tightened her grasp on SOAP’s neck, who was trying and failing to wriggle out of her grasp. 

“She are have pictures of not senileURKERALE,” SOAP said, being cut short because Woji tightened her grip, “WHAt the IS WRONG WITH THE I KEY! I DO NOT THE EVEN UNDERSAND!” 

“NOBODY CAN KNOW WHAT IS IN MY BASEMENT! NOBODY!”

“Wow, kid, this is a bit over the top, don’t you think?” the Nightmare King asked as Grimm flopped around, screeching about how the Radiance poured orange juice in his eyes. Woji continued strangling SOAP like a crazy Primal Aspid. 

“LET GO!” SOAP managed to sputter out, “LET EME GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!11!!!!” 

“OW!” screamed Grimm, “WHY WOULD ANYBODY WORSHIP YOU?? THIS STUFF HURTS MY EYES, WHAT THE HECK??!!!”

“IT’S DELICIOUS! DRINK IT!” 

“STOP POURING IT IN MY EYES!” 

“WHO’S POURING ORANGE JUICE IN GRIMM’S EYES??!” the Nightmare King roared, flipping over a table.

“WHO _ELSE_???!!” Grimm screeched back, sprinting away as fast as he could while the Radiance chased after him. 

“I’m freeeeeeeeee!” Lurien screamed, respawning and running off the bench. The Nightmare King grabbed him by the neck and shoved him into the Radiance’s ear. 

“I WANT TO JOIN!” Joth shrieked as he tossed a rock up the Radiance’s nose. 

“Why does your father love shoving rocks up people’s noses?” asked Quirrel, scribbling notes madly, “He doesn’t seem to like causing violence, like the Nightmare King, but he’s not entirely pacifist either. If anything, he’s kind of like a more chill and slightly more sane Grimm.” 

“Not really like Grimm, he doesn’t have a crazy, sadistic, pink, evil doppelganger following him around, but I get what you mean. I guess he just likes throwing rocks. He likes rocks. I don’t know why, I’ve never understood his fascination with rocks, he just... Likes the rocks,” replied Cedrin. 

“I have a Doctorate Degree in Geology,” Joth explained happily as he chucked 598798379583 rocks up the Radiance’s nose.

“You’ve never even been to college, Dad.”

“I still have one.” 

“HOW?” Joth shrugged before cracking open some limestone and eating it. Grimm made a noise of disgust. 

“I don’t see why you’re so grossed out about the fact that I eat rocks,” Joth said while eating and tossing 4398578943 rocks, “You drink spit. Spit is a lot weirder than rocks, in my opinion.” Grimm mumbled something before picking up a rock and tossing it at the Radiance’s glass of orange juice, knocking it over and making it spill all over Blossom’s head. 

“OWOWOOWOWWWW! MENA!” Blossom screeched, throwing up Void onto Grimm’s arm. Grimm muttered an apology before switching to spider mode and scuttling away.

“See? My dad can’t turn into a weird spider and he doesn’t get Void thrown up on him by vessels,” Cedrin said as Hammer threw up void onto Joth’s arm, “Alright, maybe not the throw-up part, but he can’t turn into a spider.” Grimmothy was shoving Lurien cake into his mouth along with a few other children while Grimm was still being harassed by the Radiance, who was being harassed by the Nightmare King. 

“Why is it that every time something crazy happens, it’s always the Nightmare King yelling about child murder or something?” 

“I do not the know,” SOAP replied as Blossom drew a mustache on them using a carrot. 

“That’s it, I’m leaving! Orange juice is disgusting, goodbye!” Grimm flopped over and pulled Grimmothy away from the cake before teleporting them both into the stupid Nightmare Realm. The Nightmare King snapped and teleported away as well, throwing one last boot at the Radiance before he departed. The Radiance shrieked in frustration before opening the entrance to her own realm and flopping away, most likely going to try and figure out how to erase all moths from existence. 

“I am going to sleep!” Joth declared before flopping over and going to sleep. Cedrin sighed as Woji continued to scream and chase SOAP, who was yelling about a stinky key.

“Zote,” said Zote. 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> monthly council of stupids

Grimm was flopped over on the table tiredly. The Nightmare sat next to him, observing a buzzsaw as it rolled around the table, went up SOAP’s nose, then rolled out of their eyehole and underneath the table again. The Nightmare King sighed.

“Really, how long does it take someone to get to their own meeting table?” the Nightmare King growled as the Radiance grumbled in agreement. 

“The Pale Creature has been in his room for 30 minutes now, the meeting is going to start in 20 minutes!” Unn whined as the White Lady looked at the other Higher Beings nervously. 

“I really do apologize for my husband’s absence,” she said softly, “He was… rather moody yesterday, resulting in him having a somewhat sleepless night.” 

“Isn’t that every day?” Grimm retorted, his voice muffled because his head was slammed against the table. A Lifeseed scuttled into the White Palace, squeaking as it jumped onto the table.

“Oh?” the Nightmare King looked down at the Lifeseed, tilting his head curiously, “So, you have decided to join in on our meetings for once?” The Lifeseed squeaked before jumping off of the table and skittering out of the room. The Lifeblood Creature strode back into the room, full form. 

“About time,” grumbled the Radiance, “Where have you _been_ all these stupid years? I’ve had to deal with the smelly Nightmare King and Pale Thing all by myself while you were gone, would’ve been nice to have a comrade when you needed one.” The Lifeblood Creature said nothing, its eyes focusing on each of the Higher Beings. It stared at SOAP, who was writhing on the floor with a buzzsaw flying around their nose. The Lifeblood Creature blinked slowly before settling down on a chair across from Grimm, who still had his face planted firmly on the table. Suddenly, the Pale Thing flopped into the room majestically, landing on Godseeker’s toe in the process. Mr. Mushroom babbled about bones and kingdoms as the Mantis Lords stood rigidly, refusing to sit down. 

“Why are the Mantis Lords here? And Mr. Mushroom? Are they Higher Beings?” Unn asked as the Traitor Lord poked SOAP’s eye socket.

“Well, it was decided that they should have a word in our meetings as well, because they apparently speak for a race or something,” Grimm explained, his face still on the table.

“I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees,” the White Lady said as the Pale Thing flopped over, trying to reach his seat, only to fall back down because he was too short. SOAP chortled like the Pale Lurker eating a key. 

“Then, shouldn’t Herrah be here? I mean, she’s the queen of Deepnest,” Unn replied. 

“Well, she only sleeps and that’s it. She doesn’t actually contribute anything.” 

“Attendance, Grimm?” the Nightmare King asked. Grimm sighed. 

“We have Lifeblood Creature, Nightmare King, Troupe Master Grimm, Pale Thingy, White Lady, Stupid Moth, Mr. Mushroom, Mantis Lords, Traitor Lord, Godseeker, Ogrim, Isma, Ze’mer, Hive Queen Vespa, Hive Knight, Soul Master, Crystal Guardian, Joth, Snej, Lord Fool, and SOAP,” Grimm said tiredly, his voice weird and muffled, “But we are also missing several others. There’s Herrah the Queen of Deepnest, Monomon the Teacher, Dryya-”

“I AM NOT SOAP! I AM BILL! LORD OF THE SHADES!” 

“Shut up, ‘Bill’,” the Nightmare King barked.

“-Hegemol, Great Nailsage Sly, Lurien the Stalker, Hollow, and I think that’s it,” Grimm said as the Pale Thing screeched something about the chairs being too stupidly tall.

“Geo kalala,” said Millibelle, “I would like a donation for charity. Would you please donate 23920382938928392839283982938298392839 Geo to charity?” 

“No, you fat scammer, go away,” the Nightmare King snapped, “Shoo! Or I burn your face off!” Bill noticed Millibelle and started screeching. 

“GIVE! MY MONEY! THE BACK! NOW! OR I THE VOID POWERS SHADE KILL YOU!” 

“Thine all have gone mental,” Godseeker muttered, “For we are thy only sane ones, though all shall do quite well in battle. But for now, a humble discussion will have to do.” The Nightmare King picked up Millibelle and tossed her out the window. Brushing his hands, the Nightmare King sat back down next to Grimm, who had fallen asleep on the table. The Lifeblood Creature crossed its arms and leaned against its chair, shaking its head. The Pale Thing had finally gotten into his high chair with the help of the White Lady. Monomon, Herrah, and Sly entered the room. 

“I hope we are not too late,” Herrah said curtly. 

“Oh, and Lurien the Traitor might not be attending due to the fact that I cooked him for lunch and dinner yesterday,” the Nightmare King said cheerfully, “He might not be back for a few months, though.” The Radiance nodded, muttering something about overpriced steak. 

“Oh, Herrah, Monomon, Sly! You are not late at all, there are about ten minutes left until we start. We were just waiting for the Pale Thing to get into his High Chair, and we were also waiting for the arrival of others,” Unn said happily as the White Lady strapped the Pale Thing to his chair so he didn’t fall over. 

“Why does that man need a high chair? Sly doesn’t need one!” Monomon pointed out as the Nightmare King slapped Grimm, trying to wake him up.

“Sly is sitting on his five-foot-high nail, the Pale Thing doesn’t have a high nail,” Unn explained. Lurien sauntered into the room, spotted the Nightmare King, then turned around and walked back out. 

“HAY! LURINE!!!!!!!!!! YUO ARE A HIGH BEE! GOME HEGFREDRFTGYBHKINJIUJU!!!!!!!” the Pale Thing screeched, extending his foot to pull Lurien into the room. 

“Nooooo! _He_ ’s here! LET ME GOOOO!” yelled Lurien, trying to get out the doorway, only for the Pale Thing’s toe to slap him into a stupid chair. 

“This man is stupid, he tastes terrible. Anyways, instead of being cooked, he’ll be burned, but not cooked. Disgusting. His eye is all mushy. I might even actually rip off Grimm’s arm if he doesn’t wake up and if I’m still hungry by the end of this meeting,” snarled the Nightmare King. Grimm, hearing that if he doesn’t wake up he’ll be eaten, immediately woke up. 

“Foot is better than feet,” Lurien stated, “One foot is better than two or more feet.” 

“Shut up,” said Grimm, slamming his head against the table. Hollow, Dryya, and Hegemol walked into the room. The Nightmare King patted Grimm’s head reassuringly.

“Sock,” Hive Knight muttered as Vespa facepalmed.

“Gree’mer has more depression than Che, Gree’mer must seek out a” the Ze’mer wailed, inhaling flowers through her invisible nose and spitting them out through her eyes. 

“Seek out a what, darling?” Thalia asked as Ze’mer threw up bouquets of turtles and apricots. 

“GO AWAY THE I!” shrieked Traitor Lord, “OUTSIDE! ER!” 

“I understand you even less than I understand the vessels, who have less than one brain cell each-” the Nightmare King started. 

“That’s what you turn into if you turn traitor,” whispered a Mantis Lord to the other two, who nodded in agreement, “You turn into a babbling nut.” 

“I am not stupid,” Hollow said forlornly, “Tape Dance. I want to Tap Dance.” 

“DO NOT THE SPEAK! DO NOT SPEAK! DO NOT THINK! DO NOT!” the Pale King screamed at the top of his lungs like a demented egg falling off a truck that was driving straight through many walls into a pool, “NEVER SPEAK! DON’T!” 

“Shut up, all of you crazy senile people,” the Nightmare King barked like a frog on fire, “Since everyone is here, we will be starting the meeting! _I_ will go first about what I want and what my Kingdom wants, because I, for one, know exactly what I want.” The Higher Beings shut up, settling down in their seats to stare at the Nightmare King. The Nightmare King looked around, glaring. He cleared his throat before speaking again. 

“It is, to the best of all of your puny brains’ knowledge, well known that I require more Nightmare Flame.” All the other Higher Beings except for Grimm groaned tiredly.

“Here he goes again,” Unn muttered to Monomon, who was smacking Lurien with her yardstick. 

“Grimm and I have thought about it, and ask if we may extend our Kingdom farther into the Dream Realm and into the Waking Realm,” the Nightmare King hissed, ignoring the rest of the stupid people at the council, “Our kingdom is growing bigger, and yours is becoming smaller in population. Along with the ways of our people, may we bribe you with many treasures in return, such as a share of our essence and knowledge.”

“No,” the Pale Thing and Radiance said at once, shaking their oversized smelly pale heads. 

“You know, I already let you have your own stupid realm, leave it. Can’t you kill your smelly citizens and leave mine alone?” the Radiance asked angrily, shaking her stupid wings around, knocking the Pale Thing off of his high chair.

“You literally have only yourself in your realm, you don’t even need that much space!” the Nightmare King objected, hissing as smoke came from his mouth.

“Yeah, but you can just kill off like half of your stupid population and be fine!’ the Radiance screeched back. 

“We promised that we wouldn’t harm anybody in the kingdom as long as they obeyed our rules and followed basic laws of society,” Grimm hissed, smacking a weird paper thing full of all the policies in the Nightmare Kingdom. 

“I might agree if the idiot Wyrm agrees to give me some of his lands, although it was _mine_ originally, so I can still have my stupid Dream Realm. I want Kingdom’s Edge and the Resting Grounds, maybe more. Kingdom’s Edge has a very nice Wyrm corpse thing from his past that I can punch when I’m angry,” the Radiance told the Nightmare King. The Nightmare King turned to Grimm, whispering something to him in private. 

“Ah, but what about the Hive? I refuse to give up my Hive into your territory, either to the Nightmare King or to the Radiance. My Hive is my hive, not any of yours. I refuse to give up any more of it,” Vespa spoke. Hive Knight nodded. 

“Well, you can keep your smelly Hive, but then I’d demand a different area of land along with it, you see? I guess not Deepnest, the Royal Waterways, or the Fungal Wastes, for obvious reasons. Disgusting areas. Fungus, feces, spiders, how about…” the Radiance thought about it for a moment before Unn piped up.

“Well, not Greenpath, that’s _my_ area,” she said, “I’ve already given Her Majesty her own area out of pity and as a gift to her, so definitely not Greenpath.” Sly agreed with her, muttering about how Sheo and the Nailsmith wouldn’t have anywhere to go.

“ANCIENT BASIN! ABYSS! FORGOTTEN CROSSROADS! ALL MINE!” shouted Bill, pausing from slapping Millibelle. 

Monomon also paused to say, “Well, not Fog Canyon, that’s my study area.” Lurien spoke in as well, as Monomon had stopped slapping him. 

“Leave me the City of Tears!” 

“Why should I?” 

“I agree with Lurien,” the Nightmare King said coldly, surprising everyone in the room, “That would be the biggest city where there are the most citizens, and robbing them of somewhere to stay would be downright cruel, not only because they live there, but also because that’s the only area where trade is permitted. Without it, there would be no capital and there would be nowhere to trade. I would suggest Howling Cliffs, with the exception of my lantern staying where it is.”

“Hm… But I kind of wanted it as payback..” 

“Huh, I thought you would support that,” said Unn. 

“I SUPPORT!” screeched Bill, “I! I! I!” 

“Well, that’s a turn of events. Can I leave now?” Hollow asked. 

“DO NOT! SPEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!” shrieked the Pale Thing as the White Lady helped him back into his high chair. 

“What about King’s Pass? That area is almost empty, and near Dirtmouth, so you can annoy the Nightmare King and Grimm a lot, and it’s an entrance to Hallownest,” Fat Mushroom Thing suggested. 

“I have no opposition, and neither do my sisters,” A Mantis Lord said stoically. Godseeker wrote down notes, sketching stuff on a map of Hallownest as the weird leaders kept arguing.

“I have guard the benchs, do not a benhced,” Crystal Guardian told them, Soul Master falling through the floor as they spoke, “Don ot the please benhcs in crastel pek.” 

“Le’mer are all mad,” Ze’mer said, “Che is the only one sane! Wai!” She picked up a very wilted Delicate Flower and threw it at Bill and the Radiance, who ran away and appeared at the doorway. The Nightmare King looked at the flower warily before turning around to slap Grimm, who fell asleep again. 

“Hey, wake up or I’ll rip off your arms again.” Grimm woke up and smacked the Nightmare King grumpily as Joth tossed a bench across the room, shrieking something about wanting to start a pact with Crystal Guardian because they both love benches. Lord Fool started yelling as well, shrieking about how Kingdom’s Edge was not to be given to the Radiance and he does not agree. 

“Wait for me! How about this? I say we let the Radiance have Kingdom’s Edge if she can get Snej off of my stupid roof!” Woji yelled, picking up one of Joth’s rocks and throwing it at Snej, who was on the Pale Thing’s roof. 

“No, Kingdom’s Edge is where our house is and I do not trust the Radiance,” Joth said as Lord Fool nodded, agreeing with him. 

“You know what? Forget it,” the Nightmare King barked, “I’ll just extend my Kingdom into Pharloom or something!” Lace shrieked something in the background, and instantly appeared somehow in the room, still half asleep. 

“It doesn’t have to be Pharloom, maybe we’ll dig up Grimm’s stupid dead village covered in snow and pile a bunch of stupid stuff into there so that my kingdom can be bigger!” 

“Sounds like a plan,” Grimm muttered.

“Alright, now onto the next issue, I WATN GRENPTAH AND FNUGAL WASTESSTSTS!!!!!” the Pale Thing screeched. “YOU MUST HAVE BRANES! HERRAH AGREED NOT TO ATTACK IF I GIVE HER CHILD AND SHE DOES SAWBUZZ! WATN! I! TO OTERHROW RADIANCE AND DO AWESOME SHOOL MINE BETTER!”

“No, I already gave your queen like half of my stupid area, and be quiet! My nonexistent ears are bleeding!” Unn yelled.

“An agreement? Well, we certainly haven’t heard of this,” a Mantis Lord growled slowly, “Well then, Unn. Would you like to ally yourself with us in order not to have your area stolen?” Unn muttered an agreement. 

“May I join in the opposition as well?” Sly asked, “Sheo and the Nailsmith need a place to stay, and the Pale Creature already has a lot of areas.” 

“I want the Pale Creature to suffer, so I shall join,” the Radiance grumbled, “No, no, free of charge, both of your areas are stupid.”

“I don’t care,” the Nightmare King said as the Lifeblood Creature sat in silence, listening and watching attentively. 

“Ho ho! My king, you are getting greedy!” Dung Defender exclaimed happily as Isma mumbled something to the White Lady. Traitor Lord screeched something about hating the Pale Creature as well and wanting to join. The Mantis Lords looked at him with disgust before reluctantly allowing him to ally himself with them. 

“I’M HTAE RADINCE, SO I JOIN DAD! STUPID! BLEGHEGHRGH!!” shrieked SOAP as Hollow sighed. 

“Does this really have to happen? A revolution? Oh, no. There are three sides now...” They muttered as Joth and Crystal Guardian screamed something about saving the benches. Woji yelled something about her house. 

“I SIDE WITH THE NIGHTMARE KING!” Joth shrieked, hitting Bill with a bench. 

“I didn’t side with anybody because I don’t care, I just don’t want my kingdom to be invaded,” the Nightmare King said monotonously as Grimm slumped against him tiredly and fell asleep. Hive Knight muttered something about ships. 

“Precisely, you do not want your place to be invaded,” Lord Fool explained, “And since I do not want my place to be invaded either, I will join you.” The Nightmare King shrugged before flicking Grimm to try and get him to wake up. 

“Herrah, you don’t want your place invaded either, right? Your people hate the Trams, right? Why don’t you join us?” Woji asked. Herrah responded with a snore, she had been sleeping the whole time. 

“I’ll join because I do not care,” Monomon said. Vespa nodded, joining the ‘i do not care’ side. 

“I THE! YUO! ARE HIRED!” shrieked the Pale Thing, throwing a snotty paper at Monomon, who slid away in disgust. 

“I WILL JOIN YOU, MY KING!” screeched Lurien. 

“Let thy go over ‘tis,” Godseeker muttered, “On thy Pale Creature’s Side, we have SOAP and Lurien. On the Mantis Lords’ and Unn’s side, we have Sly, the Radiance, Dung Defender, Isma, Traitor Lord, fat Mushroom thing, and Dryya. On the ‘i do not care’ or the Nightmare King’s side, we have Grimm, Vespa, Hive Knight, Woji, Snej, Joth, Crystal Guardian, Monomon, Lord Fool, and Soul Master. Ones who have not picked a side would be Ze’mer, Thalia, Lifeblood Creature, Hegemol, Mr. Mushroom, Herrah, White Lady, Hollow, and us.”

“Che has the protection of flowers,” muttered Ze’mer, holding a Delicate Flower, “If Che must eliminate all Higher Beings to sit in peace, Che will do so.” 

“Four sides..” sighed Hollow. 

“Yes, we will be able to eliminate every Higher Being so we can rest,” agreed Thalia. 

“BILL! LORD OF SHADES! CAN CONQUER ANYTHING! DIE! DIE!” SOAP screamed, slashing the Radiance’s nose. 

“Grimm, I will actually slice your arm off and eat it if you don’t wake up,” the Nightmare King warned while Grimm slumped on the table in an imitation of Herrah. Grimm groaned before waking us and slapping the Nightmare King with his cloak tendril. 

“Rethinking your choices, Wyrm?” the Radiance growled. The Pale Thing snarked something to her before flopping over to mutter stuff with the White Lady. Deciding on something, he turned around.

“ONE geo if yuo join my side!” the Pale Thing announced as Hollow facepalmed. Nobody moved or said anything, “Fine! ONE AND A HALF GEO if yuo join my side! AMAZING! ONE AND A HALF!” 

“... Pathetic,” the Nightmare King muttered as Grimm rested on the table, his head nestled on his arms as he looked at the Pale Thing with an ‘are you kidding?’ expression. 

“Hm, geo,” Sly muttered. 

“Don’t leave, you fool! Not for just one Geo!” the Radiance snapped. 

“FINE! TWO GEO AND SOME OF THE TERRITORY WILL BE YOURS ONCE I CONQUER IT!!!!!!!!!!!” the Pale Thing shrieked, seeing that nobody wanted one geo. Sly immediately switched over to the Pale Thing’s side. 

“What? I get two Geo and Sheo gets to keep his hut, so I’m joining!” Sly exclaimed as the Pale Thing cackled like a toad stuck in a bottle. 

“No! StaY!” fat Mushroom thing screeched.

“When we win, we’re not giving you back your land,” the Radiance growled. 

“Ah, no, Sheo can stay if we win,” Unn muttered, “Do not punish a child for the mistakes of his father.” The Pale Thing flopped over to the Nightmare King, who looked at him with disgust. Grimm leaned against the Nightmare King, pushed as far back as he could to get away from the horrid Pale Creature. 

“Hold on, you pack of crazy morons, I need to do something.” the Radiance floated over to the school speakers and yelled, “ALL STUDENTS DISMISSED! SHOO! GET OUT! STAFF MEETING TODAY! SHOO! GET OUT OF HERE!” 

Even though they were in the White Palace, the shrieking of students as they ran back to their houses was heard as they flopped away from the school. 

“Let’s take this to my realm,” the Radiance snarled, teleporting everyone in the meeting into her weird sun realm thingy. Grimm was still pressing back onto the Nightmare King, trying to slowly get away from the Pale Creature without getting out of his chair. The Nightmare King extended back as well, for he didn’t want to come in contact with the dreaded Pale Fork Man either.

“Jion my crusade!” the Pale Thing screeched, spitting flecks of spit onto Grimm’s mask. Grimm cringed with disgust before flopping away and setting himself on fire so that he would be cleansed. The Nightmare King got out of his chair and stomped over to Grimm, also wanting an excuse to get away from the stupid Pale King. 

“Get your stupid allies to join mine, we will be very powerful and you hate the Pale Thing as much as I do,” the Radiance suggested to the Nightmare King. 

“Alright, but what exactly would I get out of it? As much as I hate to admit, two Geo and a little territory sound quite nice right now, but I’m not too sure whether you could top that.” 

“I offer you a part of my Realm in exchange for your help. However, that is only if we win,” the Radiance snarled, holding out her wing to the Nightmare King. The Nightmare King walked over to Grimm and murmured to him hushedly before turning around and shaking the Radiance’s wing in a sort of weird handshake. 

“Deal,” he said, grinning toothily. The Pale Thing shrieked angrily, having a fit of seizures as Hollow walked over to join the ‘i do not care’ group. 

“NO MIND TO THINK DECISIONS! NO MIND TO MAKE DESCISIONED!” the Pale Thing hollered, “NO! MIUSTn’T JOIN! ONLY SIDE WITH ME! I COMMAND! MEEEEE!111!1!!!!”

“STOP!” Hollow roared, raising their voice and scaring everyone in the realm. There was silence until Hollow spoke again.

“I’m so tired of you berating me, yelling at me, screaming at me that I have to do this, I have to do that, and forcing me to marry a stupid buzzsaw! I’m so sick of it, just leave me alone! I’m my own person! I can do what I want!” Hollow stomped away from the ‘i don’t care side’ and went to Unn and the Mantis Lords’ side. The Pale Thing’ mouth was left agape as the White Lady sighed and Herrah continued to snore. The Nightmare King patted Hollow on the back. 

“Well done, kid,” the Nightmare King muttered as Grimm nodded. Bill fell over and landed on the Pale Thing’s head. 

“BEnch,” Joth declared as he hit SOAP in the head with a bench and 32 rocks. 

“Have thy all chosen your preferred sides?” Goseeker asked. 

“Yes, even Hollow has,” said the Radiance.

“I’m joining the Pale Thing, though I don’t like him very much, I need more areas to conduct my experiments,” Soul Master muttered as he floated over to the Pale Creature’s side. 

“I’m sorry, Pale King dear, but I’m joining the neutral side,” the White Lady said apologetically as the Pale Thing sputtered. “I refuse to be involved in this war. Unn and the Mantis Lords are my friends, and you are my lover. I do not want to hurt either of you.”

“You mean the ‘i do not care’ side,” Joth corrected even though nobody was listening to him.

“Grimm sided with the Nightmare King, so can you please side with me?” the Pale Fork Man begged as the White Lady looked at him with pity, shaking her head, “I’m going to use proper grammar for the rest of the chapter if you do!” 

“Ah, but I sided with him because I agree with him,” Grimm uttered, leaning on the Nightmare King, “You see, we talk about the options by ourselves in a quick discussion. He and I always come to an agreement, so we side together.” The Nightmare King nodded. 

“Socks,” Hive Knight said before a boot was flung at him. 

“I thought you two sided because you were married?” the Pale Thing said, confused. Grimm picked up a high heel and shoved it into Fork Man’s eye socket.

“That’s it, I give up,” Grimm said tiredly as the Pale Thing ran around, screaming about how he couldn’t see. 

“YUO ARE SMELLY! STUPID! NO BRANE!” SOAP screeched, “DAD MAY BE SMELLY, BUT RADIANCE SMEELY-ER! BILL AWESOME!!! BILL!!!!!!! I EVEN HAVE SHADES!!!!” To prove their point, they ripped a random Shade in half and morphed it into a pair of sunglasses which they then smacked onto their face. Upside down, of course.

“Give up on what?” asked the Nightmare King, too late for Grimm to figure out what he meant. 

“He’s giving up on his relationship with you and divorcing and taking the kid,” Hive Knight said informatively.

“What.” Grimm flopped face-first onto the floor and let out a muffled scream of pain. Not from the fall, but from his life in general. 

“You are all insufferable,” the Lifeblood Creature hissed, their voice smooth and rich. Everyone turned around to look at them questioningly.

“Ya wanna say that to my FACE, punk?” SOAP garbled, waddling over to the Lifeblood Creature and throwing up Void. The Lifeblood Creature rolled all sixteen of their bright blue smelly eyes.

“The only ones here who would even be close to sane would be Vespa, the White Lady, Hollow, myself, Godseeker, Unn, and the Mantis Lords. All of you others have a puny little rice grain for a brain,” the Lifeblood Creature snapped, “I thought my fellow Higher Beings would be respectful! I thought they would be kind, caring, and knowledgeable! I never expected to see _this_ mess instead. And to think I canceled my Lifeblood appointment just to witness you all bickering about some stupid land that already belongs to somebody? Seriously? What about the famine? What about the Nightmare King murdering everyone? What about the insanely high amount of money the Pale Creature spends on all his buzzsaws? Such disgrace.” There was a small silence before somebody spoke up.

“Well, Lifeblood Creature, you see, we’ve covered all of those topics already,” Herrah interjected, startling everyone by speaking because they all thought she was asleep. “You wouldn’t have known, however, because you haven’t attended any of these monthly meetings for over seven years. Things have changed.” Beings from all around hissed in agreement. The Lifeblood Creature looked startled for a moment before crossing their arms and surveying Herrah with a blank expression. There was silence before Godseeker set down her notebook onto the table.

“See, while thou have been screaming, we have written down all thy ties so far,” Godseeker said, pointing to a chart. “So, thou Pale Creature promises two geo and a share of territory. On his side, he has himself, Lurien, Sly, Soul Master, and SOAP. Unn, fat Mushroom Thing, Mr. Mushroom, and the Mantis Lords have formed a pact of protection and resistance. On their side, they have themselves, Traitor Lord, Ze’mer, Dryya, Dung Defender, Hegemol, Isma, Thalia, the Radiance, the Nightmare King, Grimm, Hollow, and Monomon. Then, we have the side that would rather not get involved but will fight if they have to. On that end, we have us, Vespa, Hive Knight, Joth, Snej, Woji, Lord Fool, Crystal Guardian, Herrah, and the White Lady. The only one who has been left undecided is you, Lifeblood Creature.” Everyone stared at the Lifeblood Creature, suspension building up.

“So many here think they’re Higher Beings. Barely anyone here is a Higher Being,” the Pale Thing muttered. 

“I shall join the side that would rather not get involved,” the Lifeblood Creature said curtly. “I have no love for the Pale Creature or the other Higher Beings, so I would rather not be allied.” Godseeker nodded before writing them down on the ‘i do not care’ side. 

“Good choice.”

“So I gather we have all chosen who we ally ourselves with?” the Nightmare King asked, clenching his fist as he looked blankly at the Pale Thing.

“Yes, everyone has,” Unn told him, inhaling random globs of acid. 

“Hm. Alright then, apart from this obvious matter, does anyone else have any input or anything they want to share? Because the moment we walk out of this room, our enemies will be our enemies and we will be allowed to kill each other. Say it now or forever hold your peace.”

“But we won’t die unless Team Cherry says so due to the stupid respawn mechanism, we’ll just drop whatever we’re carrying,” said Woji. 

“Yes, but I find it rather annoying to be killed, don’t you?” the Nightmare King replied.

“I can give you a bench, but I’m not sure if you can carry it around normally or not,” offered Joth. 

“I want more roof spikes. Just going to put it out there that if you bribe me to do something, no matter what side you’re on, I’ll do it,” Snej said. The Nightmare King picked up a table and a few spikes from his cloak and the Radiance’s head before tossing it at Snej.

“I bribe you with these to join Unn and the Mantis’ side,” the Nightmare King said. Snej looked at the spikes and table for a moment before nodding.

“Well played,” he muttered as he sauntered over to Unn and the Mantis’ side. 

“NOOOOOO!” shrieked the Pale Thing, “LOOOK!!! AT PALACE! MY!!! LOOK AT THE SPIKES! YUO CAN TAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Screeching, he threw 828 pictures of spikes and buzzsaws at Snej’s face. 

“Ooh,” Snej murmured, looking back and forth from the other sides, “So many spikes and choices to choose from!” 

“I can summon infinite spikes,” the Radiance said, “As many spikes as you want.” Snej, deciding that he wanted infinite spike waddled over to Unn’s side. The Pale Thing fumed, shrieking in anger before he turned around to bribe Woji.

“Will you get Snej off my roof?” Woji asked. The Pale Creature nodded. 

“Deal.” Godseeker scribbled down on her notebook paper, crossing out names and writing new ones in new slots.

“AY! Hollow! Get over to us! If you don’t switch sides, I won't annoy you and call you a failure for eternity if I get locked in your head somehow!” screeched the Radiance, “And the Nightmare King won’t try to murder and eat you as much because you are on his side!” the Nightmare King nodded. Hollow was going to go there. The Pale Thing angrily used his foot to trip Hollow and drag them to his side, sticking Hollow on the Pale King’s Side chair. 

  
  


“Hollow was already on thy side, though?” Godseeker muttered, “We have thou name written on Unn’s side.”

“I _AM_ on Unn’s side, and I’m not going to change my mind,” Hollow said to the Pale Creature, who was screeching angrily about buzzsaws are so nice and better than bugs. 

“You know, you’re legally allowed to move away now,” said Herrah before she flopped over and fell asleep again. Grimm looked at her wistfully. She could sleep whenever she wanted to because nobody would bother her, whereas he had to stay awake because the stupid Nightmare King supposedly needed his opinion. 

“I know, but if I’m not around to break some weird buzzsaw contraption that turns citizens into buzzsaws, then the kingdom will turn into buzzsaw land forever,” Hollow replied, “Yesterday I already had to take apart and break 29 devices that did something with Void and buzzsaws, and spikes.” 

“I’m going to bed and nobody can stop me,” Grimm decided, “Not even the Nightmare King’s annoying nightmares that haunt me at night because he likes sitting his fat butt on me for some reason and I need to explain that it doesn’t work that way because I’m upside down.” 

“Sock,” said the Hive Knight for the one thousandth time today.

“Honey roasted bee…” the Nightmare King muttered, staring at Hive Knight who ran away, scared for his life. 

“What is wrong with everyone here?” asked the Lifeblood creature angrily, “You all either have depression or you have some other random thing that makes you crazy and evil and weird and stupid and want to feed orange juice to the whole kingdom.” 

“Ha ha I the banned yuo it is TABO to drank LIFEBLOOD!” declared the Pale Thing, cackling about how he was annoying the Lifeblood Creature. 

“Toes,” stated Soul Master, “are very good things to hit. They stun the victim for a while so you can hit them again for more SOUL.” 

“Are we done here? I want to talk to Grimm privately,” the Nightmare King said as SOAP blew a raspberry at him. 

“Bill is superior! THE! I BEETED! Are FAILED TAMPON! SO STRONG! AM I! BEETED NIGHTMAR KON ONCE! AND RADANCE! HA! STRONGER THEN PURE VESSL!” shrieked Bill, throwing up Void onto the Nightmare King’s cloak, earning them another death sentence. 

“Once we get out of the meeting, I’m going after you first!” the Nightmare King said cheerfully as he picked up Grimm and started chanting to him in his sleep, yelling something something oh no your arms are gone. The moment Grimm opened his eyes, the Nightmare King dropped him back onto the floor. 

“Socks are socks,” whispered Hive Knight to Vespa, who shook her head. 

“What was that for? You could’ve just woken me up like normal!” Grimm whined, rubbing his back because it hurt from the stupid Nightmare King dropping him.

“I was bored.” 

“Normal would be with a good morning smooooooooch-” Hive Knight started before Vespa took off her boot and shoved it into Hive Knight’s mouth. 

“I’m bored _and_ it’s fun to drop you on the floor.” 

“Drop someone else on the floor!” 

Hive Knight tried and failed to repeat the word ‘sock’ and instead choked on the boot and threw up some bees. They landed on the Pale Thing’s arm. 

“We are done now, yes?” Radiance said grumpily, “Good, now out of my realm. Hive Knight, shut up about the Nightmare King and Grimm being a stinky couple, now go do something useful like ally yourself with Unn. Goodbye, you stupids.” The Radiance then floated over to the Pale Creature and stepped on him before teleporting all the stinky Higher Beings out of her realm and back to where they lived or whatever. 


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> skip to ___________________________________________- if you dont want to read the part where everyone was dying for a quarter of the chapter.

“What are yuo doing there,” asked Moi before dying. 

“Art thou made of toes?” Godseeker asked before dying. 

“No are you an idiot I want to burn you alive,” said the Nightmare King before dying. 

“I wish I was like Herrah and didn’t have any crazy evil parasites yelling about ripping my limbs off if I didn’t wake up,” said Grimm before dying. 

“I dreamed Greenpath,” Unn stated before dying. 

“I made the Moth Tribe,” stated the Radiance before dying. 

“That’s nice,” said Snej before dying. 

“This is getting annoying, why are we all dying and stuff,” said Quirrel before dying. 

“I’m not a snot,” replied SOAP before dying. 

“Kill everyone, OwO UwU,” said the Nightmare King before dying. 

“My feet ache, I need my foot curler,” said Grimm before dying. 

“What is your toes,” asked Hammer before dying. 

“What  _ was _ your toes,” corrected Grimmchild before dying. 

“I chopped off your toes,” the Nightmare King told them before dying. 

“I ate the chopped off toes,” Grimm informed them before dying. 

“How are did you not the died before the Nightmare King?” asked SOAP before dying. 

“I died so much that my dying is delayed when I die normally,” explained Grimm before dying. 

“I died inside,” stated Hollow before dying. 

“Do not speak,” said the Pale King before dying. 

“You sound like the Hollow Knight’s cut dreamnail dialogue,” said the Radiance before dying. 

“Is this going to continue for the whole chapter?” groaned Dave before dying. 

“Yes,” replied Moi with an evil grin before dying. 

“Are you a foot,” asked the Seer before dying. 

“No, I am not a foot,” replied Grimm before dying. 

“Che sees Gree’mer doesn’t like flowers, Gree’mer is afraid of flowers?” Ze’mer said before dying. 

“You are all making my benches break from how much you have been dying,” Joth complained before dying. 

“Hypocrite,” muttered Monomon before dying. 

“Grimm don’t eat those berries, Divine put a bright pink frog curse on them,” the Nightmare King said before dying. 

“I am not a foot,” stated Grimm before dying. 

“My toes are throbbing and purple,” Quirrel said before dying. 

“Not anymore,” said Monomon before dying. 

“Yes, they are now pink and throbbing,” remarked Quirrel before dying. 

“Why are we all dying?” Cloth asked before dying.

“Because war,” the Nightmare King answered before dying because Grimm accidentally shot him instead of the Pale Thing.

“Har har har,” the Pale Thing laughed like a monkey before dying.

“Alright, but how are we dying?” Cedrin asked before dying.

“I will kill anyone who opposes They With Roof Spikes,” Snej said before dying. 

“You heard the man, he said war,” Grimm said before dying.

“I am a man,” said the Nightmare King before dying.

“This is the most boring war ever,” Mushroom Face of the Fungal Wastes said before dying. 

“I know right?” said Bill before dying. 

“NOTHING IS HAPPENNING!” Honret screeched before dying.

“I am the is are betare than yuo becaze me on the Pale Creature’s side,” Lace said before dying. 

“Stop making us dying,” said Dave before dying. 

“No,” said Moi before dying. 

“I’m not kidding. This is a meaningless war. We’re not even on the battlefield or anything, we’re in Herrah’s house for some reason,” SOAP screeched before dying.

“I want to eat Grimm’s leg,” said the Nightmare King before dying.

“No,” said Grimm before dying.

“Yes.” said the Nightmare King before dying.

“No.” said Grimm before dying.

“Yes.” said the Nightmare King before dying.

“No.” said Grimm before dying.

“Yes,” said the Nightmare King before dying. 

“No-” said Grimm before dying. 

“SHUT UP!!11!!” screeched Hammer before dying and being the cause of their deaths. 

“Why is this war killing everyone for no reason with no cause at all,” asked Cloth before dying. 

“Seriously though, no territory is being claimed, and we aren’t even armies,” Herrah said before dying.

“I am a scholar, not a fighter, so I have no idea why I am here,” Quirrel said before dying.

“Zote,” said Zote before dying.

“Nobody here is actually fighting,” noted Grimmchild before dying. 

“Mhm,” said Brumm before dying. 

“Give my leg back,” Grimm yelled before dying.

“No,” said the Nightmare King before dying.

“STOP DYINGG!” screamed SOAP before dying.

“Shut up, SOAP,” Blossom screeched before dying. 

“I AM NOT SOAP!” SOAP screamed before dying. 

“Yes yuo are,” said Dave before dying.

“This sucks,” Grimm declared before dying from blood loss.

“Yum,” said the Nightmare King before dying.

“I want to try,” said Divine before dying.

“No,” said the Nightmare King before dying. 

“We are all dying,” said Quirrel before dying. 

“Sharing is caring,” said Divine before dying.

“Go away you communist,” the Nightmare King said monotonously before dying. 

“When will this end?” asked Grimmchild before dying. 

“I have no idea,” replied Ivy before dying. 

“Me neither,” said Grimm before dying. 

“Me too,” said the Nightmare King before dying. 

“Alright, that’s it,” the Radiance shrieked before picking up the Pale Thing and floating away, “You can all stay here and die, I’m going to go guard Unn’s territory because I want to kill somebody.”

“Ooh, I want to kill someone too,” the Nightmare King said wistfully before picking Grimm up like a very important package full of illegal drugs. He then floated away, carrying Grimm as he flopped into a portal to teleport to stupid Greenpath.

“IT’S ENDING!” shrieked SOAP happily, “IT ENDED!” 

“No it didn’t,” cackled the Pale Lurker before dying. 

“Well, for those hooligans it ended,” Tiso said, pointing to the Radiance, Grimm, and the Nightmare King before being crushed under Molly and dying. 

“StOP IT!” shrieked SOAP before dying. Moi and Koi cackled before dying. 

“Oh well, I give up on dialogue so that I die less,” said Hollow before dying. 

“This is still the most boring war ever, I want to do something if I’m to die!” shrieked Mushroom Face of the Fungal Wastes before dying. 

“I am going to kill people to get Greenpath and Fungus Land,” the Pale Thing declared before flopping away. Sly and SOAP nodded in agreement before following him.

“I am going to protect my territory,” said all three Mantis Lords at once.

“Yes,” said Unn before rolling away to Queen’s Gardens. 

“Why is it that only the Higher Beings are safe now?” asked Quirrel before dying. 

“I don’t know,” said Monomon before dying. 

“Green,” said Grimmchild before following his parents.

“.” said Brumm before running after them as well.

“I want to eat Master’s nose,” Divine said as she slithered after Grimm and the Nightmare King.

“Huh,” said Quirrel before dying. 

“The Grimm Troupe are safe too?” asked SOAP before dying, “I want to be a troupe memberrrrrr!” They then died. 

“Didn’t you go with the Pale Thing to murder innocent people who did you no harm?” Quirrel asked before dying.

“Oh yeah,” SOAP replied before flopping over to Queen’s Gardens. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“There is nobody here to kill, you lied,” the Nightmare King growled to the Radiance.

“Have you ever heard of ‘They are hiding you idiot’?” The Pale Thing snickered and rolled out of a bush, snotty and giggling. The Nightmare King cackled like a cactus on fire before flopping over and killing the stupid Pale Creature. 

“I heard the authors of this fic are making this chapter twice as long because literally the first half of it was everyone dying, mrmm,” Brumm said, trying to find fun facts to read to everyone because this was boring. 

“That’s nice,” Grimm muttered before the Nightmare King jumped back into the stupid bush to wait for more smelly invaders.

“Isn’t this guerilla warfare?” Brumm asked. 

Hollow was heard screaming, “I HAVE A VOICE TO SUFFER! BUT I WAS ALREADY SUFFERING THE WHOLE TIME I WAS ALIVE SO THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THAT I’M GOING TO COMPLAIN ALL DAY NOW!” in the distance. 

“I am not a gorilla,” Grimmothy stated, “I am Grimmchild.” 

“No, it isn’t because we are not trained military groups. Literally, all we are doing is sitting in a stupid bush and waiting for people to come by so we can jump them and loot them. At least, that’s what the Nightmare King is doing, I’m playing Uno with Divine,” Grimm replied before slapping down a blue eight.

“So... We’re a band of muggers, now? Who are too stupid to focus on their job?” asked Brumm. 

“No, the Nightmare King is.” The Nightmare King cackled evilly, rubbing his hands together like a stupid crackhead as Hollow continued shrieking because they were bait or something. Grimm scratched his head. Both he and Divine had over 10 cards because they both sucked equally at Uno.

“I’M STILL SUFFERING HERE, YOU CAN HEAR ME! I HAVE A VOICE TO SUFFER! I’M MESSING UP THE LINES! ISN’T SOMEONE GOING TO COME YELL AT ME?” screeched Hollow more loudly than the buzzsaws in the White Palace, “IT’S A WAR! I’M PART OF IT! ISN’T SOMEONE GOING TO CAPTURE ME? I’M BORED AND I CAN’T EAT THE FOOD I PACKED BECAUSE I AM INCAPABLE OF EATING!” 

“This is the worst plan ever,” Unn muttered as the Radiance stared at Hollow, who was still rolling around on a picnic blanket.

“Whatever, I get to kill people,” the Nightmare King said gleefully. 

“When is the Pale Thing going to show up, anyway? He’s always here in two seconds after Hollow says one word,” the Radiance said, smacking orange juice all over the picnic basket and ruining the sandwiches that Hollow couldn’t eat. 

“I killed him!” the Nightmare King exclaimed happily.

“You WHAT?!” screeched the Radiance. The Nightmare King glared at her as Grimm took half of the deck because of a customizable card. “NOT YET! WE WERE SUPPOSED TO CAPTURE HIM! AND BECAUSE OF JOTH, THE MOST NEARBY BENCH IS IN THE MIDDLE OF 293 SPIKES IN THE WHITE PALACE!” 

“Uno!” Divine said happily as she put down her card. Grimm groaned. The Nightmare King leaned over to look at Grimm’s cards. He smirked before turning back around to cackle evilly at nothing. 

“HELLO, FATHER! I AM TALKING! VERY LOUDLY! A LOT! WHERE ARE YOU?” screamed Hollow, still sitting, and not moving at all. 

“How are you able to keep still? You’ve been like that for the past 2 hours and it’s creeping me out. You look like a poorly animated cgi character,” remarked Brumm. 

“I actually don’t have a single idea. It’s a vessel thing, I guess, we react weirdly to things. Once Dave sniffed a floor tile and had a seizure because he was apparently allergic to the smell of floor tiles?” Hollow replied, ceasing to screech about how they were talking and going against their father.

“Every day I look for answers about the Vessels and every time I get an answer I get even more confused,” Brumm said.    


“Just stop asking and cook them,” advised the Nightmare King, “They taste good. Hornet agrees.” 

“AHA!” Grimm cried, “UNO!” Divine mumbled something under her breath, scowling. 

“Pardon, Hornet eats her siblings?” Brumm asked, “Well, that’s a new type of fricked up. Although, we also have the Nightmare King crunching up Grimm’s body parts, so I’m not too sure what level of fricked up this would categorize in. Mrmm.”

“Well, for one thing, Hornet hates all of us. I’m not sure why. The Nightmare King doesn’t seem to hate Grimm- I AM TALKING! LOOK THIS WAY! I AM SHOUTING! LISTEN TO HOW LOUDLY I AM SCREECHING!” 

“Louder,” the Radiance whispered to Hollow, who sucked in a deep breath. 

“That’s right, I do not hate Grimm,” the Nightmare King stated, “Although, I do store quite some affection for him, making him all the more... delectable.” 

“You have a very, very, very cursed and warped view of affection,” Grimmothy commented. 

“I’M OVER HERE!”  screeched Hollow, their face cracking open and screeching, “Okay, I can’t shout anymore, I think my nonexistent internal organs are all broken.” 

“If you have any, give them to me. After you die they’ll be replaced and I can have a good meal instead of these orange juice stuffed sandwiches,” requested the Nightmare King. 

“Does Grimm actually like the Nightmare King?” Unn mumbled, speaking for once. 

“Yes, but not  _ that _ way, he keeps slapping people and screeching about parasites and his only friend,” Brumm said as he was slapped by Grimm for giving people weird ship delusions. 

“Well… I always thought that Dad 2 always really liked Dad 1 but Dad 1 is in a constant state of denial,” Grimmchild offered before he too was slapped by Grimm’s stupid crusty hand. 

“You could do with some hand lotion,” Unn retorted as Grimm shrieked angrily at Divine because she won yet another match of Uno. Divine giggled like the weird Pale Thing as Hollow drank 34987982 gallons of water in an attempt to restore their voice. 

“i still can’t speak normally yet or scream, i need to be in all lowercase,” Hollow said as the Radiance yelled about orange juice. 

“Where is that stupid Pale Creature?” the Radiance screamed angrily as Traitor Lord yodeled something about too many people crowding in one spot. A Loodle hopped onto his face and knocked him over, resulting in him letting out a very loud screech. 

“Oh, I thought you already knew.” The Nightmare King gestured to a pile of Pale Thing corpses he was sitting on. 

“STOP KILLING HIM!!! THIS ISN’T PART OF THE PLAN!!!” 

“There’s a plan?” 

“See, this is why Higher Beings don’t work together,” Unn muttered grumpily. Grimm threw his Uno cards at Divine, who was giggling and cackling like a madwoman. Hollow tried to yell for the Pale Thing again, but still couldn’t speak for some reason. 

“Here, how about this. Nightmare King, you’ll be the bait, since Hollow can’t yell anymore. I’m going to try and heal their vocal chords, and all you do is flop around in the middle of the stupid picnic blanket and yell insults about the Pale Thing, alright? And if he comes, then DO NOT kill him. Just yell for us. Got that?” the Radiance hissed. The Nightmare King nodded cheekily before rolling over to the stupid blanket. 

“OH, WOE IS ME, I STUBBED MY TOE!” the Nightmare King shrieked monotonously, “THE PALE THING IS SOOOOOOOOOO STUPID! HE HAS LIKE LESS CHROMOSOMES THAN THE VESSELS, WHO HAVE ONE EACH!!!! SsoOOOOOOOoOOOO STUPID! OH GEE, OW, MY TOE REALLY HURTS! I CAN NOT MOVE AT ALLLLLLLL.” The Radiance facepalmed as she watched the Nightmare King screech about toes and whatnot. 

“What if SOAP comes in as Bill? I’m not sure about my stupid fighting skills, and last time the Radiance went up against Bill, she died and Godseeker went missing for a week,” asked Unn, “The Nightmare King  _ might _ be able to survive, but Bill is strong. Like, stronger than SOAP. A lot.” 

“I AM  _ NOT  _ SOAP!” The Nightmare King cackled like a crazy lunatic, because he was a crazy lunatic. He then ran over to where he heard stupid SOAP’s voice and yanked them out of the bushes.

“LET EME GO! I DEMAN!!! I!!! GO LET E!!!!! NJHWCDBGYTFRWDYGHCJ*UWYGDCBHJWBGHBH!!!!” SOAP screeched as the Nightmare King held them up by a stupid horn.

“I found an idiot!” the Nightmare King announced cheerfully.

“How ironic, an idiot found an idiot,” Grimm muttered as Divine beat him in yet another round of Uno. 

“I am going to pretend I didn’t hear that.” 

Hollow coughed up fifteen ounces of orange juice before declaring, “My insides feel clogged but I can talk again! I can’t see anything, though. Everything looks orange.” 

“DO NOT THE SPEAK!” shrieked the Pale Thing, charging out of a vomit hole that had just appeared. The Nightmare King grabbed the Pale Creature by the neck and flung him at the Radiance, who turned around just in time to catch him.

“Alright, what now, genius?” the Nightmare King asked. 

“We capture him and force the other side into submission. Duh. We have their leader.” The Radiance answered, “Pretty obvious, and Hollow is throwing up orange juice for some reason.” Suddenly, Sly flopped out of the bushes and clocked the Nightmare King in the head with his stupid fat nail.

“Ow.” the Nightmare King turned around to slap Sly, only to find nothing, and SOAP was gone as well.

“They seem to have more brain cells than their leader,” the Radiance observed. 

“They probably do,” the Nightmare king replied back as he looked around, wondering where Sly and SOAP went. 

“You know what? Grimm, come here. You’ll probably be better bait than the stupid Nightmare King,” the Radiance said grumpily as she pulled Grimm away from Divine, who was beating him again in Uno. 

“Why meeeeeeeeeee?” Grimm whined as he was dragged away from the Uno cards and tossed onto the picnic blanket, “What am I even supposed to do? I don’t attract anybody other than the Nightmare King, who is on the same side as us!” 

“SOCKS!” screeched Hive Knight from a bench somewhere. Vespa slapped him. 

“You are not in either of the sides. You’re on the ‘i do not care’ side, so go away!” the Radiance shrieked.

“No, I have a proposition!” Hive Knight exclaimed as Vespa facepalmed, “If Grimm dates the Nightmare King, then I will join your side!”

“I am dying,” said Grimm from the picnic blanket as he drooped over like a wilted mango.

“Wow, Dad 1 is such a good actor that he even looks like he’s dying!” Grimmothy noted. 

“Probably because he  _ is _ dying, mrmm,” Brumm retorted.

“I am dying,” repeated Grimm, dying. 

“I am tempted to help him die faster,” the Nightmare King said. 

“Don’t,” the Radiance replied, “He’s the bait, not you.” 

“How is Grimm dying, there is literally no cause of him dying?” asked Grimmchild. 

“I don’t know, but I would appreciate it if you stopped ripping out my teeth,” Brumm retorted. 

“I am dying,” Grimm declared, attracting nobody other than himself.

“Add more emotion!” the Radiance whispered. Grimm sighed.

“ I am dying~! Woe is me. ” 

“More!” 

“I am  dyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyying .” 

“I feel you,” said Hollow. 

“More! More emotion!” 

“ Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ammmmmmmm ssssssssstill dyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyinggggggg and I feel like Dave. Somebody get over here I am literally dying .” 

“Do you want help dying? I’m very very bored and you’re taking too long to die,” the Nightmare King offered. 

“Sock,” declared Hive Knight. 

“Nightmare King, get back here! Grimm has no trouble dying by himself, you stupid cannibal, he doesn’t need your help!” shrieked the Radiance. 

“I am  dyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy- IEP! I’m not actually dying, don’t kill me!” Grimm screeched as the Nightmare King bounded over holding up a stupid fireball and cloak tendril. The Nightmare King walked away sadly. 

“This is actually more boring than sitting in the White Palace and listening to a lecture about how buzzsaws are the most amazing, beautiful, a million times better than you thing in the world,” stated Hollow, watching Grimm and the Nightmare King argue about whether Grimm was supposed to die or not. 

“Is anyone going to come out? Oh, Divine, draw two,” Brumm asked. Divine grumbled something under her breath before reluctantly drawing two cards. Grimmothy spat out a take 4 card and smirked. Brumm sighed.

“BILL WILL sAVE A PALE WING!” screeched Bill, running straight into the tree with a giant nail made of Void, “SAVE! I’M THE BESEST! I CAN rESCUE THE DAD OF THE NOT YEAR! AND BEEEEEEEET FAILED TTTAMPON!!” Shrieking, they threw up Void on Unn, the Radiance, and the Nightmare King. Stepping on Grimm and Hollow, they picked up the net with the Pale King in it. They were still too stupid to rip apart the net or undo the knots, so the rescue was pointless. The Nightmare King wiped void off of his face before grabbing SOAP by the neck and stuffing them into a bag.

“UNTIE ME!” the Pale Thing screeched. 

“DON OT NO!!” shrieked Bill, their voice muffled from the stupid bag.

“And this shall be my dinner, right after I have a lunch of honey roasted bee,” the Nightmare King declared as Grimm rolled around and fell off the picnic blanket. 

“LOSER HAS TO eat the Pale THing corpses!” shrieked Grimm, putting a draw four card onto the pile and screeching about how crusty and boogery the corpses looked. Divine made a noise of disgust and anger before taking four cards from the stupid pile. 

“Well, if I lose, then your allowance is going down!” 

“If you lose, my allowance is going up!” screeched Grimm, still ranting about gross corpses and how people needed to stop yodeling about money. Hollow threw up more orange juice, which splattered all over the picnic blanket and themself. 

“If you lose, I get a raise,” Brumm interjected as Grimm and Divine hollered at each other like two stupid hippos fighting over a stinky moldy log.

“No you don’t, because if you want a raise then  _ I _ need a raise, too. The Nightmare King is the one you complain to, not me.” Grimm grabbed the Nightmare King’s cloak and dragged him to the picnic blanket where all the stupid people playing Uno were. 

“I need a raise,” Brumm said to the Nightmare King. 

“Me too!” Divine shrieked. 

“Me three!” Grimm screeched. 

“Maybe, no, and no,” the Nightmare King hissed, “First of all, Divine, you have way too much geo, but you keep eating it all for some reason. Brumm, you’re going to college and you need money, so I’ll talk about it with Grimm. And Grimm, you’re basically my slave. Alright, continue on.” 

“That’s mean,” whined Grimm, “Grimmchild, come back me up on this and your allowance will get bigger. You’ll be me like tomorrow. I need a raise because I literally don’t get paid at all and the Radiance gives me like one Geo per hour.” 

“I can threaten the Radiance to give you more geo,” the Nightmare King offered. 

“Is Grimm his Majesty’s slave, mrm?” Brumm muttered.

“Dad 1 made a stupid agreement with Dad 2 and now they’re stupid and stuck together,” Grimmothy explained.

“Yes, we are literally stuck.” 

“And I am very very bored,” whined Grimmothy, “Uno is stupid.” 

“Oh, you’re losing. Someone’s going to be eating corpse tonight. The Pale Corpse,” Grimm cackled. 

“It’s not fair! You’re all like 90324892849028094 years old and I’m only like 10!” Grimmchild shrieked. 

“Actually, I’m 21 years old, and you’re like 90,” Brumm informed. Grimmothy shrieked something about Brumm being a bad younger sibling and flopping away to rip out someone’s teeth. 

“WHERE ARE ALL THOSE OTHER IDIOTS?!” the Radiance screeched impatiently, “AND WHY ARE YOU ALL PLAYING UNO?! GRIMM IS SUPPOSED TO BE BAIT!!!”

“Chill down, bossybutt,” the Nightmare King hissed as he leaned over Grimm to see how badly he was losing, “It’s so boring because this stupid plan of yours isn’t working, and I want to kill someone. If nothing is going to happen, then I’ll take matters into my own hands and rip out Gri-”

“Shut UP, will you?! I’m trying to focus!” Grimm shrieked. 

“You cannot focus? You are not a vessel?” Hollow said, visibly confused. The Nightmare King scowled at Grimm before leaning over to wrench off his arm.

“DRAW TWO!” hollered Divine. Grimmothy screeched angrily before picking up two cards. His anger soon turned to maliciousness as he cackled evilly. Grimmothy then slapped down a customizable card that said, ‘grab half of the deck or suck on the Nightmare King’s toe.’

“What the fu-” asked Divine, “Why would that even be a-” Grimmothy slapped down another card which said, ‘every deck of cards in a 50 mile radius is a deck or suck on the Nightmare King’s toe.’ 

“That is true, who named that game and why does it exist?” Brumm asked, staring at Grimmothy in confusion. Grimm shrugged before grabbing the Nightmare King’s stupid leg and sucking on his nonexistent toe.

“WhAT THE F-” the Radiance screeched as she looked back one second to see Grimm sucking on the Nightmare King’s toe, who really looked like he could care less.

“I don’t know which is worse, the Nightmare King’s toe or the Pale Corpse,” Brumm said. 

“This is not sanitary at all,” noted Hollow. 

“What is wrong with you and your troupe?!” shrieked Unn, throwing a fly swatter at a bush and revealing Sly. The Nightmare King jumped up and cackled before tackling Sly. Grimm hissed in disgust and spat on the floor.

“That is a revolting card,” Grimm said, his face wrinkling in distaste as the Nightmare King throttled Sly.

“I AM NOT GOING TO EAT THAT CORPSE!” shrieked Divine, piling whatever random card she could find on the deck, screaming something about unfair Grimmchildren and rigged games. 

“WHERE IS THE REST OF YOUR SQUAD HIDING?” the Nightmare King bellowed, smacking Sly and throwing his nail at Divine, who ate the nail, “WHERE ARE THEY? HEY! PEOPLE! SHOW YOURSELVES OR I RIP OUT SLY’S TOES, ONE BY ONE AND THEN HIS FINGERS AND THEN HIS ARMS AND THEN HIS ANTENNAE AND THEN-” 

“What is it with you and ripping out people’s limbs?” asked Grimm, “If you don’t rip out my limbs then you’re ripping out some random person’s limbs, or chewing on the head of a student, or setting people’s limbs on fire!” 

“What’s with Grimmothy’s weird customizable cards, mrmm?” Brumm asked, “Why does he even have that toe-sucking one?”

“HA! DRAW THE WHOLE DECK OR YOU HAVE TO DATE THE NIGHTMARE KING!” Hive Knight shrieked. Grimm picked up the deck and set the Pale Corpse on fire.

“I take it back, whoever wins has to eat it!” Divine let out an unholy screech as she threw up rocks and tossed them at Grimm. Grimm smirked as the Nightmare King continued to yell at bushes about how if they don’t turn into bugs, he’ll poke Sly’s eyes out. 

“THAT’S NOT FAIR AT ALL!” screeched Grimmothy, who had no cards left due to the stupid customizable cards. 

“Do you really not want to date me  _ that _ much?” the Nightmare King asked. 

“Yes,” replied Grimm. 

“This is even more dramatic than when people were being bait,” Hollow said. 

“STOP IT! I’M NOT LURIEN, YOU CRAZY SADISTIC GRIMM CLONE! STOP POKING MY EYES OUT OR I’LL HIT YOU WITH MY NAIL!” screeched Sly. 

“No, I don’t think I will. Nobody is coming out of the bushes.” 

“SO I HEARD YOU CAN FOCUS????” Soul Master shrieked as he flopped out of the bushes and landed on Hollow, crushing their head with his fat body. 

“You’re about 30 paragraphs late,” Hollow retorted before they flopped over, shattered, and died. The Radiance screeched before hopping onto Soul Master and tying him up with the stupid spike thingies that she summons. 

“Ooooooooh,” said Snej before grabbing half of the spikes and stuffing them in his foot. 

“Sometimes I worry about my sanity,” Brumm stated as Divine grabbed a new deck and tossed it into Grimm’s face. The Nightmare King stuffed Sly into the same bag that SOAP was in before tying it up and tossing it into the net with the Pale Creature, who yelled something about not throwing trash bags at him.

“All the time I worry about everyone’s sanity and my own,” replied the Radiance. Hollow respawned and began throwing stuff at their Shade before Divine stole all the Geo from them. 

“This is why nobody likes you,” Grimmothy told Divine matter-of-factly. Grimm was running away from Hive Knight, who was holding up stupid badly drawn shipping posters as the Nightmare King picked up stinky constipated Soul Master and tossed him into the net that held the smelly Pale Thing and the bag of idiots. 

“SOCKS SOCKS SOCKS SOCKS SHIPS AND SOCKS!” screeched Hive Knight, throwing terribly drawn ship posters at Grimm. 

“Stop throwing socks at me or I will throw up in your throat and shove rocks into your eye sockets!” shrieked Grimm, still running away from the stupid, smelly, crazy, senile bee. 

“I am so proud,” stated the Nightmare King. 

“Why are you proud, Grimm is literally just threatening Hive Knight,” Unn retorted as the Pale Thing screamed about being released into the wild.

“He has learned well,” the Nightmare King said, sniffling as he wiped a tear from his eye. Grimm ran around, screeching as he threw up fire on Hive Knight’s face and stabbed his smelly toes using his cloak tendrils.

“I am actually really worried about everyone’s sanity now,” stated the Radiance, staring at Grimm throwing up on Hive Knight like a vessel. 

Hollow said, “But I don’t throw up on people and I’m- oh, wait, I just did.” They stared at the large pile of Infection that they had just thrown up. “Okay, nevermind.” 

“Stop stabbing Hive Knight, you puny-brained moron,” snapped the Radiance, “We need him to be annoying to the prisoners!” She picked up Grimm, who yelled something about fat, smelly, bossy moths that kept being twenty times more obnoxious than Hive Knight. 

“I SOCK IT!” shrieked Hive Knight, still being slapped with the book that Vespa was holding. 

“I’m sorry for this idiot’s annoying posters, he’s insane, don’t listen to him.” Vespa continued slapping Hive Knight before dragging him back to the Hive. 

“One foot, two foot, red foot, blue foot!” Lurien exclaimed. 

“I wish I was a mushroom,” muttered SOAP to nobody in particular. 

“LET ME OUT!” screeched the Pale Thing from the bag. 

“It really, really doesn’t help that this man looks and acts like a child. He smells worse than a child,” said the Radiance, pouring orange juice up the Pale Creature’s nose. 

“Why is there even a war? Nothing is happening, this is literally just normal school but without the students,” Grimm remarked. 

“It’s fun and I want land, that’s why,” replied the Nightmare King. 

“Socks-”

“No,” Vespa said grumpily before knocking out Hive Knight and dragging him back to the Hive. 

“Anyways, phase two of your stupid plan?” the Nightmare King asked as he slung the net full of stupid people onto his back, “And also, Lurien is in the bushes over there if someone wants to grab him. I’m too lazy to do so because I’ve captured pretty much everyone up to this point.” Grimmothy floated over to Lurien and ripped out his teeth before picking him up and shoving him into the stupid net that the Nightmare King was carrying.

“Why is everyone we captured inside a butterfly net, which is inside a bag?” asked Grimm, staring at the crazy people squirming and screaming in the bag like dead maggots in a cheeseburger. 

“BLEH!” screeched a maggot, “I AM ONLY HERE TO BE STEPPED ON! AND BECAUSE MOI DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO PUT HERE!” The Nightmare King grinned and stepped on the maggot because this is boring and the war is boring. 

“Bribe that stinky Lurien with the Pale Creature,” the Radiance said to the Nightmare King.

“Why can’t you do it?” 

“Because he’s more scared of you.” The Nightmare King sighed before stomping over to Lurien, who was muttering something about one foot, two foot, alive foot, dead foot, tax evading foot and communist foot… 

“Forfeit or else I will cook all your allies and murder all your friends,” the Nightmare King said monotonously as he dragged the net full of stinky senile people behind him. Lurien looked at the Nightmare King fearfully, for the Pale Creature was still in the bag. 

“Why is Grimm having a seizure over there?” asked Brumm, pointing to Grimm having a seizure on the grass, “I don’t see any reason for him to have a seizure there.” Divine cackled evilly.

“LET ME GOOOOOO!” shrieked the Pale Thing, still stuck in the net in the bag, along with Soul Master, Sly, SOUP, and several Bright Pink Frogs. 

“NO!” screeched Grimm, “I QUIT! I REFUSE! WILL NOT!” Divine chortled louder, hooting and hollering with maniac laughter as Grimm continued to throw a fit.

“You know what? Because SOAP is on the other side, I’m giving them a new annoying name. HELLO, SLOP!” Grimmchild shrieked out of boredom. 

“I AM  _ NOT _ SLOP!” screeched SLOP, whose voice was muffled from the stupid bag. 

“Alright, but is Master alright?” Brumm asked, looking at Grimm and Divine with a concerned expression. 

“No,” replied Grimm. Divine cackled louder and louder like a toy monkey on drugs. 

“Yall insane,” said the Radiance. 

“DO IT!” screeched Divine, “DO IT NOWWW!!!”

“NO!” Grimm shrieked back as he had several mental breakdowns and seizures at once, “I REFUSE! I WOULD RATHER DIE 49058092485903 TIMES THAN DO THAT!!!!” 

“Do what?” Grimmchild asked. Brumm shrugged, he didn’t know either.

“DO!!!! IT!!”

“NOOOOOOOOO!”

“Why is everyone screaming?” the Nightmare King asked, “And why is the grass all weird and burnt? Did I miss something? Should I pull Grimm’s arms off?” Grimm flopped over to the Nightmare King and slapped him. He then waddled away, screaming about not doing something. 

“Pardon, what don’t you want to do?” Unn asked as Lurien contemplated whether he should save the stupid Pale Creature or if he should forfeit just so that this stupid war that doesn’t even make sense could end. 

“I don’t WANT TO!” shrieked Grimm again, yelling something something no. 

“DO IT! NOW, OR EAT THE PALE THING’S TOENAIL!” Divine screeched happily.

“NEITHER OF THOSE!  _ YOU _ DO IT IF YOU WANT TO! NOT ME!” 

“What,” asked Brumm.

“Maybe if I rip out both of their arms then they’ll shut their traps,” the Nightmare King said. Grimm rolled over and slapped him again. 

“KISS THE STUPID NIGHTMARE KING, OR EAT THE PALE CREATURE’S TOENAIL!” Divine shrieked, “DO IT!!! PICK ONE!!!  _ DO IT!!! _ ”

“NEITHER!” shrieked Grimm, “YOU HAVE NO POWER OVER ME! I QUIT!” He rolled over and slapped Divine 329042 times, then fell off a cliff. 

“Damn, was it a dare or something?” Brumm asked Divine as they watched Grimm roll off the imaginary cliff. Divine nodded before cackling.

“He cannot escape it in death, though, he has to choose one!” she exclaimed happily as Grimmothy morphed into a new Grimm and threw up a stupid Grimmchild. 

“Wow, that was weird,” the Radiance remarked as Hollow continued to throw up Infection all over themselves, “I wonder how long it’ll take that idiot to stop screeching and rolling.” 

“This is so stupid that even I can’t bear it. I’m leaving. If you see Lurien tied up in a tree somewhere, drop it off at my place so I can yell at him,” Unn said, flopping away. 

“Why do you resent me,” the Nightmare King asked Grimm, who was having another seizure fit.

“I do not resent you, I just resent you,” Grimm replied before rolling into a volcano and turning into a rock. Divine continued cackling and screeching as Grimm hurled insults at her, along with several burnt, crusty fistfuls of dead grass. 

“This is getting us nowhere, is it even war anymore? This war didn’t even last a full chapter if that’s the case,” said Brumm. 

“I forfeit, give me my comrades back,” Lurien said sadly. 

“THE WAR IS WON! GIVE ME MY LAND!” screeched the Radiance, “WYRM! YOUR SIDE LOSES! I WIN! GIVE ME MY LAND BACK!” 

“I do not like this orange juice,” stated Hollow, throwing up more Infection. 

“IS there even a plot anymore?” asked Grimmothy, pulling out a deck of customized Uno cards. 

“Let’s just play Russian roulette,” suggested Brumm, “Dying takes up a lot of time, so we can pass the time by dying. A lot.” Grimmothy flipped, crashed into the tree, and pulled out a shotgun as quickly as a dead whale in the Desert of Bright Pink Frogs. 

“Oh, I want to play,” Grimm said.

“First, complete your dare,” Divine requested.

“NO!”

“Why is it such a big stupid deal? You two do it pretty much every other day, so just get it over with or eat the Pale Creature’s toenail!” Brumm exclaimed.

“This is already very time consuming, I’m going to teleport to the school to see if I can use misbehaving students as an excuse to strangle them.” Hollow perked up, fell into the school, and started hitting themself with a shovel. Dave yelled something about the war and SLOP. 

“NO!” screeched the Pale Creature, “I LOST! I CANNOT LOSE! I AM AMAZING!”

SOAP shrieked angrily as well, for they were Bill, the awesome Lord of stupid Shade, not SOAP, the smelly stinky little vessel who lost this pointless war.

“You just did lose,” said Brumm. Grimm continued shrieking about not wanting to do his dare and his ‘Higher Being’ privileges meant he didn’t need to do a stupid dare and it was a stupid game and Divine is stupid and should be fired. The Radiance slapped the Pale Thing and yelled about schools, first place, winning, and land. 

“I am bored and if nothing happens soon, I am going to violently rip out everyone’s eyes,” the Nightmare King informed everybody blankly. 

“Wait, but there aren't supposed to be any students at the school because the rAdiance screamed at them to go somewhere else because Higher Being meeting or something?” the Traitor Lord said, speaking for once.

“Exactly, they’re misbehaving. Let’s rip out all their eyes,” The Nightmare King declared. Grimm ran after him, wanting an excuse not to do his stupid dare. The students, hearing that, ran away screaming. Hornet yelled something about fly conductors. 

“I yam not a yam,” SOAP said matter-of-factly to Hollow, who was still hitting themself in the face with a stupid shovel. 

"Why are you hitting yourself in the face with a shovel?” Grimm asked. 

“Last time Dave tried to sniff a floor tile and had a seizure, we hit him with things and he got sick instead of having a seizure. Maybe I’ll get sick and stop throwing up infection if I hit myself with enough random items.” 

“Get off the school grounds or I rip out your eyes,” warned the Nightmare King. 

“I don’t have eyes.” 

“I don’t really care, I’ll rip out something random.” 

“Okay.” 

“I’m threatening you.” 

“I know.”    
  


“This is boring.” The Nightmare King picked up Dave and snapped a horn off. “These vessels are supposed to taste good, but they don’t. Hornet has stupid taste buds.” Dave screeched something about how he didn’t have eyes either and threw up Void on the ground because there was a floor tile nearby. 

“I do not want to sit here playing cards anymore,” complained Grimmchild, “Everything is boring! I wanted to go shopping! Or at least participate in the war before it ended!” 

“No,” Grimm said to Divine, who shoved a bunch of stupid papers onto his face, “I refuse, you smelly stinky caterpillar thing that can and will eat everything.”

“Truly fascinating, can you tell me more about your powers and murder tendencies?” Quirrel asked as he scribbled down like 988340985093485098309580934809583409 notes. 

“I enjoy murdering people,” the Nightmare King told Quirrel, who nodded.

“Alright, yes, I know that, but why?” The Nightmare King thought about it for a bit before shrugging and killing SOAP. 

“What is a Divine?” SOAP asked as they were killed by the Nightmare King.

“I have dead,” said Grimmchild, running into a tree again. The White Lady yelled something about how you shouldn’t bump into random Higher Beings. Quirrel continued scribbling notes outside the school grounds. 

“What is wrong with all of you? When I said ‘Get out,’ I meant EVERYONE get out! Not just stupid, smelly children!” the Radiance yelled, throwing a blob of Orange juice at the Nightmare King, who replied, 

“Then you get off the grounds as well.” 

“I REALLY WISH I COULD FIRE YOU!” the Radiance shrieked angrily.

“But you can’t!” the Nightmare King replied mischievously before bounding away to bother Grimm or something. 

“STOP IT! GO AWAY! I WANT TO YELL AT SNAILS AND WALLOW IN MY MISERY BY MYSELF!” shrieked Grimm somewhere in the school gardens, “GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE! I WANT TO YELL AT SNAILS BY MYSELF! DO YOU KNOW WHAT ALONE MEANS?” 

Hollow hit their head with the shovel again, still trying to stop throwing up things. 

“I’m still in the process of dead,” stated Grimmchild, hitting SOAP with an AK-47. SLOP screeched something about being the almighty Bill that could kill everything, everyone, and Failed ‘Tampon’. The Pale Thing yelled for Lurien, who didn’t appear. 

Unn appeared. 

“I thought I told you to give me Lurien to yell at if you saw him tied up in a tree!” she accused, throwing slugs and Moss Knights everywhere. 

“gO AWaY!” Grimm screeched at the Nightmare King, who was not going away. 

“We really hate each other, don’t we? A gang of people who hate each other. That’s what we are,” Brumm said, “Everyone is arguing, we all hate ourselves, everyone around us, and we can’t go five minutes without everyone dying.” Grimm shrieked in agreement. 

“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII AM GOING TO GET IN THE SCHOOL BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE IS IN THERE!” Hornet hollered, knocking down a school door and throwing things at everyone. Dave, Blossom, the Pale Lurker, and some other stupid students followed. Mushroom Face of the Fungal Wastes followed, but was stepped on by the Nightmare King and died. 

“Huehshsjissn!” Lace exclaimed as she poked Hornet’s eyes 300 times.

“Much regrets you have do,” snorted Jiji as she witnessed Hollow hitting people with a shovel before hitting themself with a shovel. Grimm sogged like a wet noodle because the Nightmare King was not going away.

“SHOO!” Grimm screeched at the Nightmare King as he threw a boot at him, “SHOO! AWAY!”

“That is a shoe, good job,” the Nightmare King said happily as Grimm continued to throw footwear at everyone. 

“Go away or I’m going missing again!” 

“Do you actually want a million stubbed toes?” 

“No, but you need to go away.” 

“No.” 

“This isn’t working, do you have anything heavier?” asked Hollow, still hitting themself on the head with the extremely fat shovel. Molly landed on Tiso, who was peeking through a gate to see why everyone was screaming so loudly. Enthusiastically, they picked up Molly and dropped her through the window, teleported, and got hit on the head by Molly the Morbidly Obese. Somehow, the fat Mawlek had stopped the weird vomiting infection thing. 

“GO AWAY I WANT TO TALK TO THE SNAILS LIKE A CRAZY SENILE PERSON!” 

“That makes no sense at all, there are no snails because all the Snail Shamans are dead and the snail village was canceled. You just want an excuse to talk to yourself. I am basically yourself, so no, I will not go away until something actually happens over there.” 

“STOP!” Grimm shrieked as the Nightmare King picked him up and sprinted back to their stupid classroom because they needed to grade work or something.

“I’m dead now,” stated SLOP, “I should go kill my Shade now as Bill, let the I GO!” 

“No, I don’t think I will,” Grimmchild replied, “We don’t have our promised land yet, and you haven’t surrendered!” 

“NEVER LAND!” shrieked the Pale Thing, “NO PROMISED LAND! NEVER!” 

“Shut your up,” snapped Dave, chewing on a Delicate Flower and dying. 

“The Promised Neverland?” Blossom asked.

“NO THIS IS HOLLOW KNIGHT! SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!! GET OUT OF MY SCHOOL IT ISN’T A SCHOOL DAY!” the Radiance screeched angrily, her voice almost exactly in sync with Grimm, who was being kidnapped by the Nightmare King. 

“GO AWAY! I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU! I WANT TO TALK TO THE WALLS BECAUSE THEY CAN’T TALK AND THREATEN TO RIP MY ARMS OFF IF I FALL ASLEEP!” yodeled Grimm, slapping the Nightmare King like a stupid anime grill. 

“Toes are made of lettuce,” Grimmchild lectured, “And pickled children are very weird. It tastes like they’re sour, salty footwater.” Quirrel scribbled random things on his note book like a crazy senile man. 

“I AM NOT JUST SOME STUPID PLAYTHING! LET GO OF ME!” screeched Grimm before being yeeted into the Nightmare King’s stupid portal. 

“Higher Being drama is literally just normal drama with more screaming and dead people,” noted Quirrel, “They keep killing each other and yelling. It’s just like normal person drama except we stab each other, not kill each other.” Grimmchild nodded, yanking out Quirrel’s teeth. 

“I passed out from lack of worms,” stated SOAP. 

“I Wonder If I Could Have My Arms Back Right Now Today Right This Moment,” wondered Grimmchild, “Or Else I Will Talk Like This Forever And Your Eyes Will Really Hurt Looking At My Stupid And Long Dialogue With Stupid Title Text Typing.” 

“Please stop that, you are going to trigger a migraine,” Brumm told Grimmchothy.

“No I Will Not, I Will Continue Talking Like This And Give You Migraines From Too Much Annoying Extra Dialogue Until Dad 1 Or Dad 2 Gives Me Back My Stupid Buff Arms Right This Second Or Minute Today Right Now,” replied Grimmchild, “So If You Want Me To Stop, You Should Ask Dad 1 And Dad 2 To Give Me Back My Arms Right Now, Right This Second, Millisecond, Or Right This Minute, Or Right This Five Minutes Or I Will Keep Yodeling About Extra Dialogue And Arms Forever And You Will Die Because This Way Of Talking Is So Infuriating.” 

“COMPLETE THE DARE!” shrieked Divine.

“Alright, no thank you,” Grimm said before plopping back into his stupid portal. 

“I Am Still Dying But I Want My Arms Or Else I Will Literally Keep Talking Like This For Eternity And Give Brumm So Many Seizures That He Can’t And Won’t Even Count But I Will And I Hope Everyone Gets At Least One Million Billion Trillion Billion Zillion Trillion Headaches Until I Get My Arms Back,” screeched Grimmchild, giving everyone a headache. 

“Shut up!” snapped the Radiance, picking up Grimmothy and throwing him into a garbage can like a wad of dirt covered trash dropped in some child’s soup five days before it was prepared, so the trash was moldy as well as covered in disgusting, slimy, moist soup, covered in rotting broccoli and dead things like pig’s liver and dead worms. 

“You’re babysitting and not getting paid,” said Grimm, pulling SOAP out of the bag. Grimm then turned around to shriek angrily at the Nightmare King, who wasn’t leaving and instead following Grimm around like a creepy shadow that stank with the scent of a dead rat that was roasted by a desert, all sweaty and disgusting and hadn’t taken a shower for a thousand years. 

“Stop trying to eat my arm! You stink! Literally! You smell like Dung Defender, but worse, because at least he washes up! The last time I remember you taking a stupid shower is like 700 years ago!” Grimm screeched, slapping the Nightmare King. 

“Rude, I may not wash myself using water, but I burn away whatever the heck is dirty on me. Also, I don’t smell bad, I have no idea what the Nightmare Flame you are talking about! If anything, I might smell like fire, sulfur, and charred stuff, but other than that, I would say that I’m perfectly sanitary! It’s YOU that you should be worrying about, you refuse to come in contact with fire or water, and I’ve never seen you shower with flames at least once!” the Nightmare King retorted before grabbing Grimm by the stupid waist and tossing him back into the portal. Grimm shrieked something about stupid smelly doppelgangers following you around and forcing you to throw up children before the Nightmare King jumped into the portal as well and closed it up. SOAP sat on Grimmothy’s head.

“What is my life,” Dave muttered. 

“What Is  _ My _ Life,” retorted Grimmchild, “It’s  _ My _ Weird Parents That Make Me Question My Life, Not Yours! Look At My Family, See, Grimm Is So Weird And So Is Dad 2, The Nightmare King, And I Am Weirder Than You, And-” 

“STOP THAT! MY HEAD HURTS!” wailed SLOP. 

“Does your rope hang low, can you throw it to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot and wrap them around your neck, whatnot? Are you gonna try and die by hanging yourself from the sky, then call the Suicidal Prevention Line!” sang Quirrel. 

“I would, but there is no such thing, so I literally can’t.” Hollow sat down, waiting for Grimmothy to get out of the garbage can he had been thrown into earlier. 

“I am going to tie my arms around myself and do the song that Quirrel just sang, except for the calling part,” Grimm retorted before the Nightmare King picked him up and walked away grumpily. Hive Knight yelled something about socks. 

“I’m going to fall off another cliff,” yelled Grimm, pelting Hive Knight with rocks as he was dragged away by the Nightmare King. 

“I can’t believe these people,” the Radiance muttered, watching the crazy senile people pelt each other with rocks, random bits of things they found on the ground, insult each other, and scream. 

“NO GIVE LAND! NEVER!!!” screeched the Pale Thing before he was stepped on by Molly.

“Well, then, you can just stay in that bag.” The Radiance slapped it, leaving the captured people to squirm and scream at home. 


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> godseeker has an enlightening conversation with the lifeblood creature, radi tries to get everyone out of the school, grimm hates his life, monomon has an interesting lab

“Art thou war has been settled with no meddling interference of our own,” Godseeker stated, observing from her portal as she watched the Higher Beings fight each other and be stupid, “Though, it was truly… unexpected, knowing thy type of Gods and Higher Beings that were being dealt with. Shall this be a foretelling? A warning, of some sort? These gods... Perhaps we have judged them too harshly.”

“Not so fast, Godseeker,” the Lifeblood Creature murmured, “Though they were able to somehow win the war, that doesn’t mean they’ll always be in peace. As we can tell, quite clearly, from what is happening down below.” The Lifeblood Creature observed alongside Godseeker, watching as SOAP screamed at Grimmothy, who had set them on fire.

“And who is one to say that they are different from these other Beings? In what place of honor does thou hold for thyself? What probes you to push yourself away from them?” Godseeker asked, breaking the silence. The Lifeblood Creature chuckled.

“Ah, you see. Quite obvious, is it not? They are all insufferable lunatics with no conscience for right or wrong. I, however, cut ties long before this mess. I know what I’m doing.” Godseeker leaned back on her seat as the Lifeblood Creature smiled, all sixteen of their blue eyes glinting. She looked down on the creature with amusement and fascination. Perhaps there were different Beings in Hallownest, after all. 

Suddenly, the Radiance burst into the room, yelling at the Lifeblood creature about how stupid students and teachers were stupid and she needed backup. The Lifeblood Creature sighed.

“Until we cross paths once more, friend,” they told Godseeker before scuttling away. 

“Why are you still in the school?” asked Cloth, coming up the stairs, “Shouldn’t you be strategizing for the war or something?” 

“Has thy student not heard? War is over, and Unn’s side has claimed victory.”

“Why do you speak like that?”

“OUT!” shrieked the Radiance. 

“No, I don’t want to go!” Cloth complained, getting pushed down the stairs, “At least give me an answer! Wait!” She fell down and the Radiance cackled like a platypus wearing boots up their nose. 

“Are you a foot?” the Seer inquired intelligently.

“Cringe,” Godseeker retorted. 

“Are you a foot?” repeated the Seer, “Are you  _ a _ foot?” 

“No?” Cloth replied, visibly confused, “I am not a foot?” 

“Yes you are! The Light has shone! You are one foot!” 

“Thou cringer.” 

“ALL OF YOU SMELLY WADS NEED TO GET  _ OUT!!! _ ” shrieked the Radiance, “EVERYONE! YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BE HERE, IT IS NOT A SCHOOL DAY!”

“DID I HEAR SOMEONE SAY SCHOOL?!” screeched the Pale Creature. The Radiance groaned in frustration. 

“Get out!” 

“MY SHOOL!!! BETTER! THEN YUORS!” The Radiance, in a fit of anger and frustration, picked up Molly and slammed her down onto the Pale Creature, crushing him. Molly barked something before waddling away to crush Tiso. Godseeker ignored all the weird stuff that was happening around her continued to write down random stuff in her notebook.

“I am not SOAP,” SOAP said informatively before being tossed out the window by the Radiance. 

“Stop it! EVERY PERSON IN THIS SCHOOL NEEDS TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY! OR I’M EXPELLING AND FIRING ALL OF YOU! EVEN IF IT MEANS THE STUPID NIGHTMARE KING IS GOING TO COMMIT ARSON OR SOMETHING!” the Radiance screamed, launching nails and light orb things at everyone. Tiso raised his hand.

“Ma’am, I really would like to get out of this school, but every time I try to exit the gate, your pet Mawlek keeps crushing m-” Before Tiso could finish his sentence, Morbidly Obese Molly fell on top of him and smushed him. 

“SHAW!” screamed Hornet as she rolled out of the school with Lace running after her, both of them yelling something about sticking flies up someone’s nose. Grimm also ran out of the school as well with Divine, who was chasing after him and screaming about how he needs to do the stupid dare. Brumm walked out next to the Nightmare King, who was babbling something about the many different things you can bake a child into and the ones that would taste the best. Grimmothy yanked out Divine’s teeth before cackling and flying away to go bother someone else. 

“That is are such a lovely family,” Blossom stated as she witnessed Grimm trip over a rock and fall onto his face, “I want one like that one day.” 

“OUT!” screeched the Radiance. 

“I too wish I had a child that ripped out everyone’s teeth, depression, a weird parasite nightmare demon god thing following me around, a Musician guy who keeps asking for a raise, and a weird giggly rock-eating woman bothering me when I grow up,” said Jake. Blossom nodded enthusiastically before pulling out a toilet plunger and running away. 

“Are you a foot as well? Are we all feet?” wondered the Seer, poking every student in a five-foot radius with her Dreamnail, “Are we all feet? Do we dream of feet?” She walked up to Grimm, who was the only person close enough to a Higher Being that wasn’t shrieking and screaming. However, his face was still planted firmly onto the floor because he had fallen earlier. 

“Are you all of feet? Do you all feet?” the Seer asked, prodding his arm with a twig. Grimm jolted up and shrieked a string of obscenities before sprinting away, still screaming.

“By the Nightmare King, Grimm!” the Nightmare King exclaimed, “There are children around us! Mind your language!” 

“He certainly has a lot of energy today, mrmm,” Brumm muttered as he watched Grimm run around screaming as he was chased by Divine, who kept cackling like the Pale Lurker.

“Did the Nightmare King literally just say ‘by the Nightmare King?’” asked Quirrel, “Isn’t that literally saying, ‘By the myself?’ It would be like the Pale King saying, ‘oh my Wyrm?’ Which would also be like ‘oh my myself?’” 

“OH MY WYRM,” shrieked the Pale Creature, “MY SCOHOL IS SOOOOOOOOO BETR!!!!! MUCH SO!!! AMASSING! U STUPID!!!!!”

“OH MY SHUT THE FRICK UP!” hollered the Radiance, kicking the Pale Creature out of the school, “GET OUT! ALL OF YOU!” She picked up the Pale Thing, threw him out the gate, and Hollow crawled out of a cupboard from somewhere, muttering about how marrying buzzsaws shouldn’t be legal. 

“I say ‘By the Nightmare King’ because I believe in myself,” the Nightmare King explained.

“I don’t,” Brumm muttered.

“You don’t believe in me, or you don’t believe in yourself?”

“Neither, mrmm.”

“My, my! You really do sound a lot like Grimm, don’t you? Almost eerie, considering you are adopted!”

Grimm rolled back into the school, yelling insults at everyone, particularly Divine and the Nightmare King. Divine cackled loudly, cursing some fruit and throwing it randomly. Carrie got hit in the face by a very mushy and ripe pear, which turned her into a Grub with a very fat nose. 

“M,” Carrie the Grub said before Grimm waddled over and turned her back into a student. Divine let out a cry of distress, as did the Collector, who had just witnessed a Grub disappear from existence. 

“HOW DARE YOU! A GRUB! WHY?” cackled the Collector angrily, “NO MORE GRUBS! AH!” 

“You make even less sense than the Vessels, but still more than the man who will not be mentioned because I think he will be summoned again and that is not good,” said the Radiance. 

“ARE YUO TALKING ABOT MEEEEEEEEEEEEE?/1!1!!???” the Pale Thing shrieked as he rolled back onto the school grounds, scratching his toe using a fly swatter. 

“NO! I DID NOT MENTION YOU, GO AWAY!” The Radiance threw him away into a pit somewhere, hoping he wouldn’t come back. 

“B,” the Nightmare King said before the Radiance turned around and glared at him. 

“Shoo! All of you, get out!” 

“?” said Koi, “Do not the who know what she’s ar takling about? Manm who?” Moi nodded like a pickled dolphin in a pile of jello. 

“Shut your up plot porpoises,” Jake said before the Nightmare King dropped him into a vat of soup. 

“Hey! No cooking the students until you’re out of school grounds!” the Radiance yelled. 

“I AM NOT SOUP!” yelled Jake and SOUP in unison. 

“Yes you are, both of you are soup,” said the Nightmare King, “See?” He picked them both up and began boiling the broth and plopping random students into his weird tomato water vessel soup. 

“Why are you a teacher here, the only thing that you even enjoy doing that involves students would be having them for lunch!” God Tamer exclaimed.

“Oh, that’s because I want to be closer to Grimm when I work,” the Nightmare King informed her before picking her up and plopping her into the soup.

“OOOOOOOOOH-” said Hive Knight before he too was plopped into the vat of smelly tomato water soup. 

“We are soup,” sobbed SOUP, “I do not want to be SOUP, SOPU, or soup.” 

“SOAP?” Blossom asked, being one of the only children who were spared from being turned into a food condiment, “YUo wanto be a SOPA? NOT SUOP????”

“NO! BILL!” SOAP’s brilliant idea turned them into Bill, who broke the cauldron and flopped onto the ground. Soup condiment students ran out all over, screaming. The Nightmare King roared angrily before waddling over to Bill and kicking them in the face. 

“HOW KICK! YUO ARE SHORTER THAN EME!!! HOW!!!!!!!!!” shrieked Bill, flopping onto the Nightmare King, crushing him Molly style, but receiving third-degree burns somehow in the process. The Nightmare King flipped Bill off of him before shrieking and tossing stupid fireballs everywhere. Grimm flopped over tiredly as he watched the Nightmare King set Bill ablaze, still screeching about how they ruined his food. 

“I am not a soup condiment, thank you very much,” called Quirrel, running away and writing notes at the same time. The Nightmare King launched a fireball at him, which hit his foot. Quirrel tripped and was put in a ring of flames while the Nightmare King looked for a new bowl. 

“I loathe my life,” Grimm said miserably as Brumm played ‘I Really Need A Raise’ on his accordion for the 50th time. 

“Grimm, you’re fireproof, aren’t you? Go pick up Quirrel and plop him in the water fountain instead of whining like Grimmchild so I can make my lunch,” the Nightmare King yelled, putting fire all over the fountain. The Radiance screeched angrily about how nobody would listen and how everyone had already forgotten about her. 

“Can’t I do it to a different student?” Grimm yelled back, “Quirrel is one of the only students who actually respect me!”

“Fine, fine. But you have to catch two students, who are running around like the weird little grubby things that they are, and put them in the soup.” 

“NOT SOUP!” screeched SOAP. Grimm rolled his eyes and picked up Iru and SOAP before flinging them into the soup. He then skipped away, muttering about how stupid it was. 

Divine cackled. 

“Remember your dare!” Grimm shrieked and slapped her, then walked up to the Nightmare King and slapped him as well like a stupid anime girl or something. Then he rolled away, muttering something about murdering Hive Knight. 

“But why though,” the Nightmare King asked before Grimm made a constipated expression and flopped away to chop off the Pale Thing’s toes.

“Zote,” said Zote.

“He likes to slap people?” asked Quirrel, hiding in a pot. Two seconds later, Hollow crawled out of a hole, noticed what was happening, and walked out of the school grounds to find a quieter, less noticeable hiding place with less crazy Higher Beings that liked to cook children. 

“Grimm, pardon my harsh words, but you really don’t seem like the type of person to like children, so why are you even working as a teacher?” Quirrel asked.

“I need money, the Radiance has a lot, I work here, I regret it.” Grimm rolled over and slapped Divine before she could say anything and disappeared again. The Nightmare King sighed before muttering something about how he’ll never get child soup or an annoying Grimm to bother because neither wants to come near him. He then snapped and teleported away as Divine giggled as madly as the Pale Creature. 

“I SAID, EVERYONE, GET OUT!” the Radiance yodeled furiously, throwing things at everyone before giving up. By now, the Nightmare King had scared away most students and teachers with the exception of Quirrel, Divine, Brumm, Grimmothy, SOAP, the Seer, Grimm, Jake, Blossom, and Millybug.

“GRIMM! REMEMBER YOUR DAR-” Divine yelled, getting cut off when Grimm screeched, “NO!” and slapped her, then the Nightmare King, and Divine again. 

“I am idea installed,” Blossom said matter-of-factly.

“Wow, you installed ideas?” asked Millybug, “Do you want cookies?” Cloth shook her head, popping out from underground. 

“I do not want cookies, I want to find Nola.” 

“Who the frick is Nola.” 

“I do not have a single clue.” 

“I made Nola into a cookie,” Millybug whispered. She ran away with a weird-looking box of cookies labeled ‘Nola’, which the Nightmare King spotted and grabbed. 

“NOOOOo!1!1!!!!!!!!” screeched Cloth as she yanked the box out of the Nightmare King’s hands and burrowed back underground. The Nightmare King hissed something before being slapped by Grimm for the umpteenth time. 

“Tee hee,” giggled Millybug, “I have made a cookie out of Tiso, as well.” A crushed box muttered something about not being a cookie as SOP shouted about how everyone knew what it was like to be a stupid thing now.

“You are one cool kid, want to work with me?” the Nightmare King offered to Millybug, who nodded. The Nightmare King picked up Millybug and rummaged through her backpack. 

“You should not have done that, he is very annoying,” Grimm said informatively to Millybug.

“Only to you I am, Grimm~” the Nightmare King said cheerfully before getting his face smacked.

“Do you want a dirt cookie or a Tiso?” Millybug asked, handing Quirrel a weird-looking box labeled, ‘Dirt Tiso Mix.’ 

“Um, no thank you.” 

“Do you want a DIRT OR TISO!” squealed Millybug, plopping a box of cookies labeled, ‘Molly’s Spit On Tiso Mix’ on Quirrel’s head. Quirrel stared at the weird little bug that kept throwing cookies around the room, wondering how the Nightmare Realm she found so many Tiso corpses to make Tiso cookies. 

“I am, idea inst-” Blossom began again before the Radiance flew by and tossed her out the school. The Radiance then picked up Grimm and flew over to the Nightmare King, who glared at her angrily.

“Look, this is a Grimm! Do you want a Grimm? Of course you do, goodbye!” the Radiance shrieked before she tossed Grimm out of the school. The Nightmare King kicked the Radiance’s nonexistent shin before running after Grimm, who was still being tossed out of the school. Divine and Brumm ran after him, one screeching and cackling about Grimm not doing his dare and the other playing ‘Two Stupid Moths, One On Fire and the Other Drinking Orange Juice’ as he flopped after Divine. Grimmchild flew after them, screaming about teeth and stinky spoons as he ripped out Divine’s teeth again. 

“I want a not SOAP!” yelled SOAP. 

“No, but maybe the Nightmare King has one,” the Radiance said, watching SOAP dash out the school to annoy the Nightmare King. Soon, the whole campus was clear of smelly students and teachers, an exception of Quirrel and the Radiance. The Radiance grumpily floated up to Quirrel.

“Aren’t you going to go flop away to wherever you live?” the Radiance growled. Quirrel shrugged before running away to go roll around the Archives. 

  
  
  


____________________________________________________________

“MONOMON! MONOMON! MONOMON!” chanted the Oomas as they flopped around in the stupid tank, “MONOMON, MONOMON, MONOMON!!!!!!!!”

“What,” Quirrel said as Uumuu flipped over in its acid tank and ran straight into the wall, “You made them able to speak now?” 

“Yes!” Monomon exclaimed excitedly, “Look at how amazing it is! Jellyfish! Talking! Such a wonder, isn’t it?”

“ _ You _ are a jellyfish,” stated SOAP, waddling into the room dejectedly, “Does the anyone has are Not SOAP SOUP SOPAs?” 

“Am I?” Monomon asked, visibly confused as Quirrel scribbled down 9853095803948509385093809583095839485904385903809454309580934 notes. Suddenly, the Pale Creature flopped into the Archives, screeching.

“IG AM MADE BETER YUO WILL BE AR GO TO MY WORK FOR SHOOL!” he exclaimed before plopping into the acid and dying. Quirrel looked at Monomon inquisitively, who stared at the Pale Thing’s dissolving body with disgust.

“MONOMON,” cackled Uumuu. 

“Say, Madam, what are these acid tablets supposed to read out?” Quirrel asked, puzzling over an acid tablet that made no sense.

“I have no idea!” Monomon replied excitedly, “Those things confuse me as much as they do to you! They’re supposed to keep information that would be forever engraved in those tablets, but apparently, something went wrong in the process of making them because nobody can understand a single thing they are trying to say!”

“MONOMON MONOMON MONOMON!!!!!!!” chanted the stinky Oomas as Uumuu cackled as madly as all the Higher Beings, “MONOMON!!!!”

“I AM  _ NOT _ A MONOMON!” screamed SOAP angrily.

“MONOMON MONOMON!” the jellyfish continued to shriek, ignoring SOAP, “MONOMON MONOMON MONOMON!!!”

“NOT!” 

“MONOMON MONOMON MONOMON!” SOAP finally snapped. Screaming, they waddled over and tipped over the tank, spilling jellyfish all over the floor. Monomon gasped.

“How dare you, this is the fifteenth time that has happened this week!” she cried angrily as she slapped SOAP with her yardstick, “BAD! You are a very bad child! I might even shove you into the acid because of how many times you’ve done that!”

“I AM NOT MONOMON!” SOAP screeched back, hopping up and down like a weird pot full of chicken feet, “I AM NOT! NOT!! THE JELLYFISH ARE BEING STUPID!!! I AM NOT MONOMON!!!” 

“Of course you are not Monomon, you stupid vessel,  _ I _ am Monomon!” 

“BUT THEY CALLED EME MONOMON!!!”

“NO, THEY DIDN’T!” In a fit of rage, Monomon picked up SOAP and threw them into the acid. Quirrel looked at his teacher and friend with concern. SOAP bobbed above the acid, flopping around much like a stupid jellyfish that was plopping around next to them. 

“I AM THE EATED ISMA’S SOBGING LIKE GRIMM SHRIEKING AT THE MIGHTeNARE GING KRIMM, I AM NOT THE DIED TO ACIDD!!” 

“I’m be buff from school, is this the infection school,” declared Traitor Lord, charging in through the wall and breaking an Uoma tank. Monomon screamed angrily before she picked up Traitor Lord with her foot and pushed him into the acid. Quirrel sighed and wrote down a few notes.

“Madam, you’ve killed about 2 people and attempted to kill three in this past hour,” Quirrel said as he handed Monomon his killing notes.

“Well, in my defense, they keep breaking my lab equipment,” Monomon exclaimed as Molly fell from the roof, crushing an Acid Tablet that had the word ‘Tiso’ in it. She picked up Molly and dropped her in the acid as well. Somewhere far away, Tiso cackled as happily as a lawn gnome on fire, and the Radiance let out a screech of sadness and anger. Monomon rolled her eyes and walked over to her stupid acid tablets. 

“And now, with this new information, I shall transfer it onto these stinky acid tablets so that I do not forget, although I have no idea what these tablets mean,” Monomon stated as she cracked her head on an acid tablet. 

“Fascinating!” Quirrel said as he wrote down 50000 notes. 

“I’m tee hee,” said SOAP as they switched on a randomizer mod, turning Quirrel into a Tiktik. Monomon gasped and turned into Enraged Guardian. Uumuu suddenly turned upside down, spawning a Primal Aspid the size of Grimm. 

“I’m a tee hee,” giggled SOAP. An Ooma morphed into the Nightmare King who then burnt SOAP’s face off and flopped away to toss a book at Grimm’s face. Quirrel the Tiktik crawled into the acid and died. 

  
  


_______________________________________________________________

Grimm sat next to the Nightmare King, who was nose-deep into a book. Brumm was reading as well, and Grimmothy wasn’t ripping out people’s teeth for once. Sighing, Grimm leaned against the wall to open his book and read in silence. Suddenly, the Nightmare King turned into an Ooma.

“What the Fu **_SHAW_ ** ck,” said Grimm as the Ooma flopped around. 

“Dude, did you seriously talk during silent reading time?” Brumm exclaimed.

________________________________________________________________

Suddenly, Dung Defender appeared and landed in acid. Then, Markoth turned into Enraged Guardian. SOP cackled, watching the two ‘Enraged Guardians’ question their existence and scream. 

“No,” said Koi as she turned into a grub before turning off the randomizer. Everyone turned back to normal, all the weird people teleporting back to wherever they were before they were swapped out. 

“NO! MY TEE HEE!” screeched SOAP. 

“What in the world is a tee hee?!” asked Monomon. 

“Why did you suddenly appear in my soup?!” retorted Grimm, teleporting into the archives. SOAP cackled madly, screaming about tee hee. 

“Shut you’re up,” the Nightmare King said grumpily as he pushed SOAP into a vat of lava before picking up Grimm and walking out of the stupid lab. 

“But why did you turn into a jellyfish?! And why was Monomon in my soup? She wasn’t even dead!” Grimm screeched as the Nightmare King dragged him away. 

“MONOMON!” screeched an Ooma. 

“I! TEE HEE!” screeched SPAO, turning into Hornet. 

“Stop it! No skins allowed!” snapped Monomon as the real Hornet scuttled into the room, stared at the Mini Hornet, and then screamed something about Nosk. 

“R,” said Imposter Honret SOPA before turning into a Tanjiro. 

“NOSK IS UPGRADED!” shrieked Hornet, “I’M KILL GONNA GODSEEKER!” 

“My fried brain eyes,” stated an Ooma sadly, “I am.” Monomon gasped.

“IT CAN SAY STUFF OTHER THAN MONOMON!” she exclaimed. Quirrel flopped out of a bench and began writing more notes. 

“MONOMON!” screeched an Ooma, “MONOMON!” The Ooma that said something about fried eyes gasped and repeated, “MONOMON!” 

“I’m,” stated an Ooma grumpily, “You. To the Moonomon is not I? Why chant we are?”

“It’s like Zote,” said Quirrel, “They repeat one word over and over and eventually say something else. Why are they saying Monomon?” 

“Zote,” said Zote.

“How did you create those stinky jellyfish anyways?” Herrah asked, suddenly appearing into the Archives and not being asleep for once. 

“I just found some eggs everywhere and began throwing them into tanks, resulting in them hatching,” Monomon replied, “I don’t actually know what they are, I just named them Uomas and Oomas and Uumuus because I got bored. They do have quite some intellect, though, might I add! Certainly more than those stinky vessels!”

“How can everyone teleport now?” asked SOAP, “I! Want! Or else tee hee again!” They turned into a weird-looking Grimm vessel, making Jared appear and scream about how he was the Nightmare King. 

“I! OR ELSE!” cackled SOUP, turning on Randomizer. Monomon turned into a Watcher Knight. Koi screeched and turned it off, resulting in SOAP turning it back on and Koi turning it back off. Monomon kept turning into a Watcher Knight, then back to Monomon, then Soul Master, then Monomon again, and then…. You get the idea. 

“Foot?” Seer asked, “Dreamgate? You? You are a foot, I knew it!” SOAP shrieked before using their dreamgate and teleporting away to nowhere because they never set a dreamgate. Koi cackled and shoved an Uoma into their eye socket before being tossed into the acid because Monomon liked jellyfish. 

“I would like the Oomas, 2 shell shards,” said Honret, “I, I.” Without waiting for an answer, Hornet picked up the tank and placed 2 shell shards on the ground, singing about stuffing explosive jellyfish up Lace’s nose all day forever. 

“You are tone-deaf,” Grimm stated miserably as the Nightmare King dragged him back to the Nightmare Realm. Hornet ignored Grimm and continued shrieking and guffawing about how she was going to shove stuff in Lace’s eyes. 

“You don’t sound lovely yourself, princess,” Monomon snapped like a clam stuck up someone’s rear. She then picked up an acid tablet and smacked her head onto it to save information or something, I don’t know how those things work. Grimm sighed before the Nightmare King tossed him into a portal. 

“Do Not Smoke !” Grimmchild exclaimed happily, “Dad 1 Used To, And Now He Sucks At Singing And Has Asthma ! Yaaaayyyyyyyy !”

“Stop talking like thaT!” coughed Grimm. Grimmothy made a toilet noise, imitating Divine before grumpily flopping away because he never got to do anything fun. Divine cackled and got slapped by Grimm. 

“Why must you all be like this?!” Grimm shrieked before falling onto his face again because the Nightmare King dropped him on his head. Divine made a clogged toilet noise before giggling along with Grimmothy, who tried to copy her weird constipated sounds. Brumm looked at the two of them with a very concerned expression. 

“I ask myself that every day,” muttered Monomon as the stupid portal disappeared out of existence and Divine’s toilet noises faded away. Quirrel watched SOAP get stuck in the floor while Koi smacked them. Hortnet scuttled around like a stupid spider with legs because she was a stupid spider with legs. 

“I’M!! A TEE HEE!” shrieked SOAP’s fat Shade before it was killed by Koi, yelling about no tee hees. SOAP respawned and screamed. 

“Why the no tee hee?” 

“MONOMON!”

“NOT!” 

“Get out!” 

“Who is speaking? I can’t tell anymore.”

“What.”

“Am I who is are you to be the me and I?”

“Pardon?”

“AM I WHO IS ARE YOU TO BE THE ME AND I?”

“EVERYBODY CRAP YOUR HANDS!”

“What the hell?” 

“Sorry, who are you?” 

“Zote.”

“I AM GORB!”

“Alright, that’s it!” exclaimed Monomon, turning the lights to the lab back on, “Who are you all?”

“EVERYBODY CRAP YOUR HANDS!” Dung Defender yelled, waving around his trumpet.

“Yuo are not Quriirel,” SAOP said as they stared at Dung Defender. 

“I know, but it is such a nice song!”

“Me Too !” said Grimmchild. 

“WHY ARE  _ YOU _ HERE??!” shrieked Monomon, “GO BOTHER YOUR PARENTS OR SOMETHING, THIS IS NOT A DAYCARE!” Grimmchild made a toilet noise before flopping away to do just that. 

“Tee hee !” cackled SOAP, running around looking like a dead pikachu. 

“NO!” shrieked Monomon as the Nightmare King teleported into the Archives with Grimm and started t-posing. Grimmchild plopped back into the Archives to annoy Grimm, who was sharpening his cloak. Even though it’s only been like a day, they somehow ran out of stupid explosives and supplies.

“Goodbye, I don’t know why I am here, stop inserting me into the story you stupid authors when I contribute nothing to the plot,” Grimm announced grumpily before snapping and teleporting away. The Nightmare King grumbled before smacking a jellyfish and teleporting away as well. Grimmothy yanked out all of Monomon’s teeth before being dunked in acid. 

“What,” stated Quirrel, watching the chaos around him. 


	25. Chapter 25

“I am died,” said SOUP, throwing up Void, “I’m are dead now right.”   
  


“How the fu **Droshee_calimo** ck does that even work? You’re dead, right? So how are you not dead while you’re dead?” asked Monomon.

“Madam, maybe you should take a break? You sound very stressed,” Quirrel said as Monomon picked up an acid tablet and slammed it down onto SOAP, crushing and killing them. Monomon sighed.

“I’m afraid I cannot, Quirrel. There is much work that is required to be done in this lab.”

“I!” announced SOAP, “Can! Do your! WORK!” They began throwing Uomas all over the lab. 

“NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!” shrieked Monomon before she picked up another acid tablet and using it to crush SOAP again, “YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE DOING! STOP!” SOAP’s shade made a sad noise before flopping away to eat some explosive Ooma eggs or something.

“Explosives? Why do you have explosives?” Quirrel asked, watching SOAP try hitting them. 

“Did I hear explosives?” the Nightmare King asked, popping in through a portal and bandishing a rifle. 

“Monomon, I think you should let him take those before my friend here blows us all up,” suggested Quirrel as SOAP picked up a bomb and threw it at a wall. 29 Oomas were blown up, and blew up 204 more Oomas, which blew up more, and more, and more Oomas. 

“No, I need those eggs,” Monomon informed Quirrel, “Those are used to hatch Uomas! I need more Oomas! MORE!”

“You sound mentally unstable,” the Nightmare King commented as Grimm scoffed. 

“You’re one to say,” Grimm muttered before the Nightmare King smacked him with his rifle. 

Divine cackled. Grimm slapped her and teleported away with a rifle stuck to his nose. 

“STOP HITTING THOSE!” screeched Monomon for the umpteenth time, “THOSE EGGS AND OOMAS ARE FRAGILE! STOP IT, YOU SMELLY VESSEL! THOSE OOMAS ARE THE CENTERS OF MY EXPERIMENTS!” 

“EXPLODES!” SOAP yelled back, “I HIT IT AND IT HIT ANOTHER AND NOW THEY ARE ALL EXPLODING MY HEADS! I DON’T KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG!”

“You set off a chain reaction,” Quirrel commented as the Oomas kept exploding at each other.

“MONO MON!” yelled an Ooma, exploding 29 more Oomas. Quirrel wrote down 50 notes. 

“STOP THAT!” screamed Monomon. Quirrel waddled over to the Oomas and studied their exploding process before flopping over and moving the Oomas away from each other, preventing them from exploding.

“Mono...mon?” an Ooma asked, confused as to why there were no more pretty explosions. The Nightmare King clapped. 

“An impressive showcase of what your explosives can do!” he exclaimed, “Now how much is it for about 100 of those?” Monomon smacked his face with an Uoma egg, resulting in his mask flopping off and making a boring clattering noise on the floor. 

“You can’t have any right now, I just lost half of them because Hornet ran away with like 500 of my Oomas!” Monomon yelled, tossing a bunch of eggs into an acid tank.

“Alright, but you didn’t have to smack my face off,” the Nightmare King said grumpily before picking his mask up from the floor and closing the portal up. 

Jake gasped and wailed, he did not get to steal the face. 

“AYoi,” said Dave, “Shut your up, it was just a faec!”

“But it WAS a face!” Jake screeched, sobging and wailing like the che lump, “I wanted faec! Gightmrare Ning Krimm very hard face get! OPPORTUNITY, MISSED!” He continued to wail and screech, resulting in Dave pushing him into the acid to get him to shut up. 

“MONOMON! I! HELP! GOOD!” Jake screeched while drowning, “I CAN! BETTER THEN SOAP! IF YUO KNOCK FACE OFF! GAIN!” 

“I do not know what you are saying !” Monomon declared as Jake drowned and died. Suddenly, in a puff of foul smelling air, the Pale Creature tumbled into Monomon’s Archives and fell onto Quirrel, who was writing down 39485375093809583409 notes.

“I feel like Tiso,” said Quirrel. 

“I AM reQuire BETre VEsELSL!” the Pale Thing barked, slipping off of Quirrel’s tangled up pretzel arms, “YUO! SCINTIST! KNOW WHAT DOING, BUT I DO NOT! MAKE A VESEL FOR ME!!!”

“WHAT?” shrieked Monomon, “I CANNOT HEAR YOU OVER THE CHANTING OF MY JELLYFISH!”

“MONOMON! MONOMON! MONOMON! MONOMON!” the Oomas chanted, Jake joining in because he wanted a face. 

“MAKE ME A VESELL!”

“MONOMONMONONOMONONONONMONONOMONOMONONMOMNOMNOONONOMONONONO!N!ON!ON!!!!!!!!”

“WHAT?!”

“MAKE! ME! A VESSSSSESL!!!”

MONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONNNONONONONOOONNONOOONNONONNONONOONONONONONOONONONONOMOMOMOMOMOMAMAANANONOANMANONMAN!!!!!!!!” screeched the Uomas, Oomas, Uumuu, and Jake, “MONONONONMOJIHGTFRDGVYBHJNBGYFTGYUHMAONN!!”

“STOP CHEATING ON TREE MOM AND SPIDER LADIES AND STINKY OTHER PEOPLE I DO NOT KNOW!” screeched Dave. 

“Face, plead,” said Jake, “Nightmare King, I can help, if the Nightmare Ging Krimm face pleased.” 

“I AM NOT CHEATAHED!” shrieked the Pale Creature, “MONOMON! MAKE A VESSEL! MAKE!!!!!!! HOLLOW! VERY HOLLOW! WILL CALL IT HOLLOW 2.0!!!!”

“I do NOT KNOW HOW TO MAKE A VESSEL !?” Monomon screamed back as Quirrel scribbled down notes frantically, “YOU MAKE IT YOURSELF!!!! I DON’T KNOW HOW!!!”

“I am so failed that he has given up on me,” said Hollow, sitting in a puddle of acid and watching SOAP explode 93023 more Oomas, “But at least now I don’t need to marry a buzzsaw.” 

“DON’T! THE NOT SPEKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CANNOT UNTIL NEW VESEL!!!!!! OIUIYHGDFWTYFYWTCNIUNWCIUNWDIUCNBIUWDBNIBN!!!!!!!” shrieked the Pale Creature, picking up SOAP and staring at them with his beady, watery eyes. 

“I can speak since I’m not the Hollow Knight anymore, except I _am_ the Hollow Knight so I don’t know and I have an identity crisis,” said Hollow.

“AeR you a hollow?” the Pale King asked, ignoring Hollow behind him as he held up SOAP, “Holow? ARE? No mind at all, does not react, very stupid. Must be hollow!” 

“Not SOAP, have no mind to speak,” said SOAP. 

“Make him go away,” said Monomon. 

“I AM NOOOT SOAP!” screeched SOAP, flecks of their spit spraying all over the Pale Creature’s forehead. The Pale Thing dropped SOAP back into the vat of acid disdainfully, for SOAP was quite the opposite of hollow. 

“Ha ha ha!” cackled the Nightmare King, “I have a vessel which I didn’t need to put effort into and you do not!” Grimm was heard slapping something, and the Nightmare King’s face began slipping off. Jake squealed happily. The Pale Thing spotted Grimmothy, who flew out the portal and smacked himself face-first into an Ooma tank. He waddled over and caught Grimmchild, who blinked in confusion as his face flopped off and flew away, squawking. 

“Hollow?” the Pale Thing inquired as he held up Grimmchild. 

“No,” Grimmchild told him before ripping out his teeth and flying away, chortling. Grimm screeched something about his stupid son keeps on losing his face. Jake walked away, whistling and pretending like he didn’t just rob Grimmothy of his face for the 6097th time. 

“I’m!” sang Jake, pulling off the Nightmare King’s face to find that it set his arm on fire and there was another face mask thing underneath. The Nightmare King rolled his eyes and tossed Jake into the vat of acid alongside SOAP, who was flopping around with stupid Oomas that were chanting about MONOMON MONOMON MONOMON. 

“HA HA! I HAVE FACE !” Jake cheered, his face on fire because for some reason the Nightmare King cursed his mask or something. 

“It looks exactly like Grimm’s face except it doesn’t shriek and fly around, and it looks slightly larger,” Quirrel muttered to himself as he wrote down 987689375u8 notes, “I wonder why that would be?” The mask growled and set Quirrel’s notes on fire. 

“It acts just like the Nightmare King,” muttered Monomon. Quirrel yelped, hopping around as he tried to put out the fire and save his notes. 

“It is a!” screeched Jake, yanking off SOAP’s head. Suddenly, SOAP turned into a Shade, which turned into a pineapple. 

“NO SKINS! Get out! If you’re going to be child soup, go to the Stupid King’s tent! With the depressed edgelord!” Monomon screeched, slapping SOAP, Jake, and the faces Jake was holding out of the room. The Nightmare King’s mask thingy growled and hissed at Monomon, spitting fire onto her toes as she tried to smack it with a broom. 

“I~!” shrieked Jake, running back into the room and jumping through the portal. The Nightmare King snatched a cauldron full of Uomas, and before Monomon could take it back, he closed the portal. Monomon wailed angrily. 

“WHY MUST ALL YOU IDIOTS BOTHER ME TODAY, OF ALL BUGS???!” she shrieked, tossing the Nightmare King’s mask out a window. 

“Tee hee,” giggled SOAP, eating an Ooma and exploding a wall. 

“NO!” screamed Koi, “NO!” 

“Madam, I relocated all the Ooma eggs into a safer place. According to your acid tablets that I managed to decipher, they’re due to hatch in about 2 hours,” Quirrel said, waving his notes, as he was able to put out the fire. Monomon sighed. 

“Thank you, Quirrel,” she muttered.

“Everyone is gone, even outside,” remarked Quirrel, “I think the Nightmare King is cooking everyone alive again.” As if to answer Quirrel’s hypothesis, the cackling of the Nightmare King was heard along with a bunch of explosions and fire noises from Fungal Wastes. 

“Oh, he’s kidnapping the explosive mushrooms.” Several more shrieks of terror were heard before silence again. 

  
  


_________________________________________________________________

The Nightmare King wrapped his cloak tendril around the Sporg, preventing it from shooting any more stupid explosive thingies. He sighed. 

“These explosives are so boring! The explosions only cover a few feet, I want a more powerful one!” he growled. Grimm examined his fingers, looking at them with disinterest as the Nightmare King glanced around. 

“Stupid Monomon had nice Oomas that created very nice explosions! Even though it would probably do more damage to buy many of them at once, she wouldn’t even let me purchase one! She has thousands of those! She let stupid Hornet buy them! Why not me!?” The Nightmare King snarled. Letting out his anger, he snapped, setting a Fungoon on fire. 

“Maybe it’s because Hornet is annoying, while you’re just going to blow up a city somewhere?” Grimm said, rolling his eyes as Brumm shoved a Sporg down Divine’s throat because she wouldn’t shut up.

“Good point,” he muttered, “Come. It’s time for us to brutally murder another traveler.” Grimm sighed before grabbing Grimmothy and stepping into the Nightmare King’s portal. Divine and Brumm hurried in as well, the Nightmare King going in last. 

_________________________________________________________________

“Zote,” said Zote.

“ZOTE ZOTE ZOTE ZOTE ZOTE ZOTE ZOTE ZOTE ZOTE ZOTE ZOTE ZOTE ZOTE ZOTE ZOTE,” went Tape Recorder’s tape recorder, “ZOTE ZOTE ZOTE ZOTE ZOTE ZOTE ZOTE ZOTE !!!!!!!!!”

“SHUT UPPPPPPP!” screeched Honret as she shoved an Ooma egg into their eye, resulting in her sibling exploding. 

Suddenly, the Nightmare King teleported in. 

“Hurry, give me a hundred Oomas and I won’t kill you. You have five seconds before I freak out, murder everyone, and teleport away,” the Nightmare King hissed, smacking Hornet with the stupid blade attached to his smelly arm.

Hornet, too stupid to understand, continued shoving Oomas up Lace’s nose. Lace screeched something about stupid spiders before sticking her pin in Hornet’s eye.

“Zote,” said Zote.

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“I am not hollow,” said Hollow. 

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“I am not hollow,” said Hollow. 

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“I am not hollow,” said Hollow. 

“I am not SOAP!” said SOAP. 

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“I am not hollow,” said Hollow. 

“I am not SOAP!” said SOAP. 

“I can see how you’re all related,” the Nightmare King muttered. 

“Time is up,” Grimm hissed as he slapped the Nightmare King. 

“So it is! Grimm, would you care to join me on this freakout for once or stay there and watch as I burn this place down?”

Hollow picked up a shovel and ran straight into a fireplace, dying before the Nightmare King could even burn a single twig. SOAP exploded, yelling something about the not-chorus. Hornet continued shoving Oomas into Lace’s eye. 

“Okay, so one is already dead. How many more are there going to be?” Grimm asked grumpily.

“Don’t think, just kill them all,” the Nightmare King replied before setting the whole place on fire. Hornet shrieked, screaming about how she wanted explosives to shove up Lace’s eyelids as Lace screeched about how she was gonna get caught on fire. 

“How the frick is Hornet not exploding, she is carrying hundreds of living explosives in her pockets while she is on fire!” exclaimed Grimm, “I don’t get it!” 

“You need to help me kill them,” the Nightmare King told Grimm.

“It’s boring because the students don’t react, they just yell about what they’re doing and how stupid the other people are to be on fire when they themselves are on fire, until they die,” whined Grimm, flopping on the floor and looking like a fungus thing. 

“Oh come one, Grimm, it’ll be fun!” the Nightmare King said, setting a screaming SOAP on fire, “See? Don’t their agonized faces and miserable, pitiful wails make you feel happy?”

“I love Oomas, I will buy more and hatch eggs! To explode them up Lace’s nose!” shrieked Hornet, on fire, proving Grimm’s point, “It is so fun!” She whacked Lace’s eye with her bendy needle and shoved an Ooma down her throat. Lace cackled and spat the Ooma out, which landed on Tiso’s face, exploding Molly. Trobbio started cheering and yelling about how he must become one with the flame to be a weird edgy circus Silksong thing. 

“They are too stupid to realize they are dying. The ‘hollow’ one was the only one who could actually figure out what was going on, and the Quirrel, but Quirrel is away, and the ‘hollow’ one is already dead. See the corpse over there?” Grimm said, pointing to the weird burning thing in the fireplace. 

“No, most students do acknowledge when they are on fire,” the Nightmare King said as he threw a fireball at Hornet, who screamed before exploding, “See? She just screamed.”

“That doesn’t confirm anything,” Grimm replied. The Nightmare King shrugged before tossing more flames and stuff at the stupid students. 

“WHY DID I DIE?” Hornet shrieked, “I NEED TO STUFF LACE’S EYES UP MY OOMAS!” Grimm pointed to Hornet, still shrieking about stuffing Lace’s nose into her armpits. Lace cackled about how Hornet was on fire. 

“NO THAT IS THE KETCHUP!” yelled Hornet, pulling a french fry out of her eye, dipping it in fire, and eating the burnt, crusty black twig thing. 

“See? Hornet does not have a mind to think, even though she is not a vessel,” Grimm stated, “I think it has something to do with the Pale Creature’s genes.”

“Probably right,” the Nightmare King replied, nodding as he threw more fire into the stupid arena, “Although, I do wish she would give me her explosives.”

“HA!” shrieked Hornet, pulling Blossom out of the toilet along with the Pale Lurker and stuffing things into their eyes. The Nightmare King stared at Hornet, who dragged 9343209423904 Oomas out of her pockets and started eating them for some reason. 

“Hey, give me the explosives or I set you on fire!” The Nightmare King threw a fireball for demonstration, but the crowd cheered and began tossing geo at the stupid people in the arena as Hornet screamed about how there weren’t enough french fries and there were too many ketchup packets. 

“She is literally too stupid,” muttered Grimm. Lace nodded, cackling as Hornet screamed about ketchup and strawberry jam stuck to her explosives. 

“Why are there two old men floating above discussing about how stupid kids are nowadays?” God Tamer asked as her beast ran over SOAP. Pale Lurker shrugged before cackling and throwing up a bunch of keys which she then tossed at Tiso, who screeched angrily before being crushed by Molly. 

“Probably because Hornet can’t seem to process the fact that she is literally exploding while on fire, and that the Nightmare King is scary,” Cloth replied. Hornet yelled something about disgusting bitter jam, which she flung at Lace. The Nightmare King continued to carry a conversation with Grimm, who was looking at the stupid other children in the Colosseum with concern. Grimmothy yanked out Tape Recorder’s teeth. 

“Tee hee?” asked SOAP, stupid and thinking that the Nightmare King dealing 5 mask damage to everyone and Hornet exploding wasn’t exciting enough. Hollow nodded, and sat in the middle of the arena, dealing contact damage instead of taking it. 

“?????????????” Koi screeched, “NO!” Koi was promptly turned into a grub. 

“Huh,” the Nightmare King said as Grimm turned into a Crawlid, “You aren’t Grimm. That’s interesting. Where did he go?” Suddenly, Grimm teleported back into the arena, grumpier than usual. 

“Someone turned on room randomizer as well,” Grimm said before flying over to float next to the stupid Nightmare King. 

“Why am I Enraged Guardian now?” Hollow asked before falling into a hole and dying. Hornet the Xero shrugged and turned into Gorb. 

“HEE HEE!” cackled SOAP the literal bar of soap before realizing that they had turned into soap, “NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” They shut it off and everyone went back to normal, aside from Gorb, who shouted something while Hornet threw “ketchup” at everyone, along with the Oomas. 

“I am starting to get bored, would you care to join me for an evening massacre in Pharloom?” the Nightmare King asked Grimm. Grimm shrugged.

“I don’t see why not,” he replied before flopping into the portal with the Nightmare King to go murder a bunch of people for no reason. Grimmothy flapped into the portal after them, cackling about how he’ll finally get to do something interesting. 

“No! That’s _my_ place and I LIVE THERE!” shrieked Lace, “PHARLOOM ISN’T EVEN IN HALLOWNEST’S STATE YET! EVERYONE IS FINE AND THE ECONOMY IS NOT COLLAPSING!” 

“Ha ha,” cackled Hornet, “I caused your kingdom to collapse because I was bored.” Lace screeched in frustration as she imagined stupid pink flames all over Pharloom. 

“WELL, THAT’S ANOTHER SEVERAL YEARS FOR SILKSONG TO NOT COME OUT!” Lace taunted, making Hornet so angry that she exploded, “BECAUSE ALL THAT REPAIRING AND BUILDING WILL TAKE FOREVER!” Hornet shrieked, and slapped Lace with Oomas, ‘ketchup,’ and her needle, throwing darts and all sorts of things at Lace, including Zote. 

“I WILL EXPLODE YOU!” Hornet shrieked, “HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY BEAUTIFUL GAME?” Lace giggled, and threw a dead flower at Hornet. SOAP grinned, watching a bar of soap and a bowl full of the Nightmare King’s pickled child soup burn. Lace picked up a delicate flower hanging from the Che Lump’s nose and tossed it at SOAP, who shrieked about them not being a flower.

“Har har har,” Lace cackled, her voice raspier than Grimm when he used to smoke, “HAR HAR! YUO ARE A FLOWER!!! HEE HEEEEE!” 

“LAce is VOID!” shrieked Moi, “AND DO NOT THE JINX SILKSONG! DO NOT OR I WILL KILL YOU OFF LIKE TEAM CHERRY KILLED OFF MYLA!” 

“I AM NOT A SOAP OR A FLOERW!!!!” shrieked SOAP. Hornet nodded just for the sake of disagreeing with Lace, who she had just stuffed an Ooma onto. God Tamer stepped on Tiso’s hand by accident, resulting in him letting out a very loud shriek. Molly fell on top of the both of them. The Pale Lurker let out a screech of anger before pelting Molly with scraps of cheese, mold, sponges, and hair because God Tamer was her best friend or something. 

“Lace is Void!” yelled Koi, “EVERYONE IS VOID!” Somewhere, due to Koi being a writer, Grimm turned into a Shade. The Nightmare King was very confused. 

“I am not Void,” said Zote. Hornet rolled up to Zote and gasped before slapping his face with her needle. 

“HE SKOPKJE!!!!!!!!!!” she exclaimed, Lace waddling over to witness the amazing thing that just happened. 

“HE SAID A!!” screeched JAke, “HE!!!!” 

“Zote,” said Zote, crushing everyone’s dreams and making them all grumpy. Lace kicked him into a hole before gluing 985793875983475893 flies onto Hornet’s forehead. 

“At least he isn’t listing his stupid precepts,” muttered God Tamer, sobbing as her Beast Thing died from being burned alive, “Or giving stupid advice and yelling about how amazing he is.” 

“I AM GORB!” yelled Gorb, “ASCEND! ASCEND! ASCEND WITH GORB!”

“Thou wishes to ascend?” Godseeker asked before being crushed by Molly, who had terrible eyesight. 

“GORB DOES NOT NEED TO ASCEND, I AM GORB! YOU ALL NEED TO ASCEND ASCEND ASCEND WITH GORB! I AM GORB!” The Pale Lurker burped out a key and tossed it at Gorb. 

“No!” yelled Woji, breaking the key, “Stop throwing up keys that anyone can use to open my basement! Stop!” 

“They opened your basement?” the Pale Lurker asked, “I was just throwing them up because I’m bored!”

“NO! DON’T SAY THAT! THROW UP ELEGANT KEYS OR SOMETHING!” SOAP grinned and picked up a key to try and open her bedroom because they were bored. 

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” shrieked Woji before she picked up Snej and slammed him onto SOAP, crushing and killing them for the 498579837589347984th time that evening. She then picked Snej up again and threw him into the Trial of the Fool. 

“I’m !” said Jake, waiting to pick up Snej’s head if he died. 

“Tee hee,” cackled SOAP, turning on enemy randomizer. Woji nodded because that meant Snej would need to kill a million Enraged Guardians and Traitor Lords in order to go back to the roof. Unfortunately for Woji, the Nightmare King teleported into the scene and switched it off, muttering about how Grimm was not a Mosskin. 

“Whta,” Koi said as her head fell off. Jake chuckled like a fly flying around her head before rolling over and shoving Koi’s face into his eye socket. 

“I, please!” asked Jake, pointing to the Nightmare King’s face. 

“No,” said the Nightmare King before teleporting away to burn down Pharloom with Grimm and Grimmothy. 

“NOOOO!” wailed Jake, throwing bits of Void and Geo at a Primal Aspid. Hornet threw an Ooma at Zote to see if it would make him into a crazy stuttering thing that wouldn’t just say Zote, like when she stuffed Void, SOUL, and Essence down his throat. 

“No ! I am the Mighty !” said Zote, “Zote.” Hornet gasped, then groaned. Lace grumbled something about Zote being stupider than Hornet before turning around to poke Hornet’s face off. Jake happily took Hornet’s poked off face and shoved it into his eyelid. 

“I’m a dead,” asked SOAP, watching Hornet attempt to eat the ‘ketchup’ that was on her eye. 

“It is spicy,” stated Hornet as her invisible tongue caught on fire, “Very, very spicy! Spicy ketchup is so amazing ! I should sell it for!” 

“You stupid spider, I can sell it better!” shrieked Lace, throwing a rock at Hornet. 

“Arnt yUO a stupid spider tooooooooooo?” Koi asked before her face was poked off by Lace. 

“No! I am a stupid puffy thing!” 

“Ha! Fly conductor!” Hornet yelled, “YOu are a stupid, annoying, puffy fly conductor!” She threw some Oomas at Lace. Lace shrieked out in anger before slapping Hornet with her head. 

“This really is the Colosseum of Fools, isn’t it?” God Tamer wondered aloud as Tiso was pelted by sponges, cheese, and mold. 

“Yes, and fools is the keyword,” answered Woji, “Have you noticed that we are all idiots?” 

“My pet is dead!” realized God Tamer, suddenly in distress. She ran straight out of the room, screaming about how hard it was to get a Beast. Herrah teleported in and looked offended. 

“No, not you! I’m talking about my pet!” God Tamer yelled, anguished. Herrah shrugged before falling asleep on the floor of the Colosseum of Fools. SOAP giggled before dying from severe burns. 

“CUE THE SPIKES!” yelled Little Fool from the room behind them, “SPIKES! NO FLOOR! SPIKES! PRIMAL ASPIDS!” Hornet shrieked and mounted her needle like she was some Harry Potter character on a broom. Lace copied but fell down due to Hornet throwing an Ooma at her. Jake stacked up a bunch of faces and used it as an extra platform to get away from the spikes, but was flung off when a Primal Aspid spat a wad of infection at him.

“What happened to the fireplace? Is there a hidden bench somewhere?” asked Hollow, appearing in the stadium, “If I die on the spikes they’ll see my corpse and yell about who is hollow and who is not. What happened to the fire? Last time I was here there was a fire? I wonder if I can breathe while being stuck in Infection?” 

The Radiance gleefully teleported in, poured some bottles of orange juice on Hollow’s head, and left, leaving Hollow stuck in orange juice. 

“What,” said Honret, “How are you not dead?! You’re on spikes? How are you not taking damage! You’re so fat! How?!” She continued to shriek in confusion. 

“I’m tall, but I’m not fat,” mumbled Hollow, “And I guess I’m glitching.” 

“Whta is are glitch.” 

“I don’t know.” 

“OOMAS! ON FLY CONDUCTOR!” Hornet yelled, throwing random items from her pocket at Lace, who made a noise of disgust as some rotting cursed fruit hit her in the arm. 

“I’n!” Tape Recorder said before Dave was shoved into their eye socket, killing them. 

“BUFF I AM!” screeched Traitor Lord, picking up the Infection Hollow was sitting in and eating it. 

“That is disgusting,” stated Lace, “Even more disgusting than the smell of stinky the spider over there.” Hornet yelled something about how Lace needed deodorant a million times. 

_______________________________________________________________________

As Quirrel was putting away 39 volumes about how Hornet wasn’t Void, Grimmchild flew in through the window. 

“Just So You Know, If You Invent A Time Travel Machine, Give It To Me And I’ll Stop Giving You Really Bad Headaches From Talking Like This.” 

“... Okay?” Grimmchild grinned and yanked out his teeth. 

“How the heck would you stop giving us headaches? What do Time Machines have to do with the horrible way you talk?” Monomon asked as she piled 98579837598347 Ooma eggs into an acid tank.

“Because, If I Can Get Ahold Of A Time Machine, I Can Travel To Next Month And Get My Arms Back. Then, I Will Talk Normally Because I Can Use My Buff Arms Again !” Grimmchild replied, poking Uumuu’s tentacle. Grimm’s crusty arm poked out of a portal and pulled Grimmchild back. 

“That man could really use some lotion,” Quirrel muttered.

“Okay, Quirrel, watch over the Ooma eggs while you try and translate the Lore Tablets.” 

Before the portal closed, Grimm yelled, “I DO NOT NEED LOTION!” 

“What is lotion?” Monomon inquired. Quirrel shrugged. He didn’t know what it was either even though he was the one who brought it up. 

“I’m,” said Jake, “glowy face? Have spares you do? Can I one have the?” 

“No,” Monomon said before flipping Jake into acid. 

“Ma’am, maybe you should stop flipping people into acid?” 

“No, otherwise they will most certainly run off with or destroy my Ooma and Uoma tanks,” Monomons replied grumpily as she tossed more stupid eggs into a vat of acid. Quirrel looked around and decided he would translate Lore Tablets instead of risking being thrown into acid by the angry teacher. 

There was silence once again in Monomon’s Archives. Suddenly, Joth teleported into the room.

“Bench?” he inquired, smashing an acid tank with his bench. 

“No, stop breaking my stuff! I don’t want benches!” Joth sat down on a book and teleported away. 

“Madam, it is getting late.”

“You’re right, Quirrel,” Monomon said, sighing. Monomon flopped into her vat of acid and promptly fell asleep. Quirrel walked over to a random bed in the lab and fell onto it. He then stayed awake for about 5 more hours before actually falling asleep. 

  
  



	26. Chapter 26

“I’m a tutu,” remarked Dave. 

“Why,” siad SOAP. 

“I’m a tutu,” said Dave, “I’m.” 

“Why are you in my classroom, it’s literally two hours until school starts and you aren’t even in my class until like next week!” Grimm exclaimed. 

“Ahag,” Dave replied, “But the question is, why are YUO here when it’s too hours before class, eh?” Grimm rolled his eyes. 

“Because I need to get all my work finished early before the other stupid teachers come and raid my classroom for no reason in particular,” Grimm hissed grumpily. 

“Too late!” sang Marissa, picking up Grimm’s organ and throwing it through the wall. 

“IT’S SEVEN A.M, WHY ARE YOU HERE!” Grimm shrieked as the Nightmare King picked up Marissa and tossed her out the window. Dung Defender charged through the door for no reason whatsoever, holding a trumpet and a soaking wet toolbox. 

“Tooths! More Teeth To Rip! YaY!” Grimmothy yelled happily as he ripped out Marissa and Dung Defender’s teeth. 

“I found instructions to repair tools!” cheered Dung Defender, “But I don’t have materials so you have to do it instead of me!” Grimm groaned. The Nightmare King picked up the instructions and began reading them carefully. 

“I’m!” Dave declared happily as SOAP nodded enthusiastically. Millybug tapped Dave with her hand and he turned into a cookie. 

“Whta,” said Blossom. 

“Why is Dave, Blossom, Millybug, Quirrel, and SOAP here?” Dung Defender asked.

“I AM NOOOOOOT SOPA!!!!!” 

“I honestly have no idea, they just popped in here,” Grimm muttered as Divine threw rocks up his nose. Dave the cookie was picked up by the Nightmare King before melting into a puddle and reforming into the weird, crackhead vessel he was. The Nightmare King scoffed and threw Dave away. He didn’t have breakfast yet.

“Where is Brumm?” Grimm asked, ignoring Divine, who was still shoving rocks up his nose. 

“He’s sleeping on a bench somewhere, he said that he was going to take a day off,” replied the Nightmare King. SOAP yelled something and threw a yam at Dave. Grimm sighed.

“Well, at the same time, the boy is going to college!” Dung Defender exclaimed, “Let him have a rest! He’s worked hard!” 

“I know, I know,” Grimm muttered, his head slammed onto his desk again. Divine shoved one last rock up his nonexistent nose before giggling and thomping away to do something weird. 

Suddenly, Cloth was heard screaming underground. Dave, also realizing what this meant began shrieking. SOAP cried out in terror, Quirrel shuddered, and Millybug turned herself into a cookie. Grimm looked at the students grumpily, exasperated with all of their screeches and hoots of misery.

“You idiots aren’t even IN my class!” he shouted, tossing a tuba across the room, “You’re in MARISSA’S class today, so I have no idea why you are all being so stupid about the Nightmare King being a sub for my Music Class!” 

“Well, if Brumm takes another day off at some point, chances are that  _ our _ class will have to deal with the Nightmare King! Just when we thought it was over!” Quirrel retorted, scribbling notes about Grimm’s weird inconsistent personality. 

“Well, I mean, that would only be on Tuesday through Wednesday,” Grimm replied, “And I’M here, so it shouldn’t be that bad. If I wasn’t here, he would probably go all out on you or something.”

“Well, that and also because Brumm and Dung Defender work alongside you and both of them are not stupid so I don’t want to harm them,” the Nightmare King explained, “But yeah if it was only me teaching, I would probably kill everyone in the class.” Grimm nodded as Quirrel wrote down 10390298 notes. 

“Why must you slam your faces all over your chalkboards and throw tubas everywhere?” snapped Monomon, “It’s annoying and loud, and I don’t see a single reason why you would do this!” 

“Go back to bed or something, then! Why are you people even here? It’s still 7 in the morning!” Grimm screeched, picking up a rock and chucking it out into the school garden. The rock tumbled out like a dying flukefly and hit Unn’s head with a  _ thonk _ .

“HEY! What are you idiots  _ doing _ up there? Why are you even here? Do you really have so little to do in your miserable, short lives?” Unn yelled from below, tossing the rock back up.

“Shut up,” muttered Grimm as the Nightmare King got bored and oozed into his head, muttering about child soup. Quirrel continued to scribble notes and mutter things to SOAP, who was next to him and plotting something against Hornet. 

“Friend, tell me, why do you hate Hornet so much? I get that she hates you, but she also pretty much hates everyone else in the school other than herself and her mother.” SOAP screeched. 

“STEUPID! IJJfjeioiIOO! NEED MONEY! BUY YAM! PLAP!” 

“What is that idiot saying?” Grimm asked, “No, not you. Shut up. GEt OUT OF MY HEAD! No, I don’t do that! Hey, what-”

“Are, buy some money, IIIIIIIIIII! SOAP the are buys will plap yaks yam Honret,” Dave translated. 

“I! Clog TOITLET!” exclaimed Blossom, “GOOD THE BYE BEY!” She ran away to scream about toitlets and clogging. 

“I hate you too,” muttered SOAP in a very terrible imitation of Grimm’s raspy voice, “I! THE aRE Hat. Arson. Arson. Arso-” They started coughing, making them actually sound like Grimm. 

“I do not sound like that,” said Grimm. 

“I am not a SOAP, I am a Grimm. Arson. Arson,” SOAP said solemnly. 

“Oh, I found something out yesterday,” Quirrel said, “Hive Knight will be instantly summoned if Grimm makes eye contact with or talks to the Nightmare King. No matter where, when, or how, he just will be there. It’s very weird and he apparently likes socks.” 

“What,” said the Nightmare King, teleporting out of Grimm’s head. Grimm looked at him, equally confused. 

“SOCKS!” screeched Hive Knight. He threw some more of his terribly drawn ship posters at Grimm’s head. 

“I’m Going To Talk Like This Until I Get My Buff Arms Back Forever From Either Dad One Or Dad Two. If I Do Not Get My Buff Arms Back Forever, I Will Keep Talking Like This Forever And You Won’t Be Able To Do Anything To Me Because I Am Not Afraid Of Death Because I Keep Respawning,” Grimmchild yelled, giving everyone in the room a headache. 

“STOP!” Grimm screeched angrily, “At this rate, I’m never giving your arms back!” Grimmothy drooped over like a cauliflower smushed underneath an elephant’s toe. 

“Grimm, how about we do a compromise,” the Nightmare King offered, “Since Grimmothy hasn’t shared information mostly all week, we’ll give his arms back at the end of this week, alright?” Grimm sighed.

“FIiiiiiiiiiiiiNNNNNEeneneneneeeeeeeeeeeee,” he said, flopping over his desk. 

“Hooray! In Almost A Week I Get My Arms Back And You People Won’t Need To Have A Splitting Headache Every Single Time I Talk!” 

“Well, it will be a week, but if you keep talking like that, then I’m changing it back to a month,” the Nightmare King retorted. 

“That’s not fair,” whined Grimmchild, “Now you won’t be encouraged to give me back my stupid arms because people will stop complaining about it!” 

“Grimm has a headache and he told you to stop, so I’m telling you to stop,” the Nightmare King said sternly. Grimmothy threw up a Primal Aspid and flew away to go rip out Unn’s teeth. 

“Socks,” whispered Hive Knight.

“Shut up,” Grimm hissed. 

“soCKS!” 

“I’m not sure whether to be laughing, crying, or gone,” stated Quirrel. 

“Do not lake,” stated SOAP. Millybug turned back into a normal bug. 

“I don’t even know what lake means!” 

“Cookies? Quirrel cookies?” Millybug asked ominously. Quirrel shook his head at the same time as the Nightmare King nodded. 

“NO!” screeched Monomon as she threw her yardstick at the Nightmare King’s fat head, “DO NOT! QUIRREL IS UNDER MY PROTECTION, AND YOU IDIOTS MUSTN’T HURT HIM!!!!”

“SOCC,” Hive Knight screeched.

“EW!” Monomon shrieked back, “HE’S MY ADOPTED SON YOU STUPID FREAK!”

“What,” said Quirrel. 

“You see, you’re an idiot... You can’t even say ‘ship’ right!” Grimm screeched, kicking Hive Knight out the window as well as Marissa. The Nightmare King cackled something about honey-roasted Hive Knight before stomping over to go tune some stupid guitars.

“Now that I notice it, there are a lot of adopted people in this fic,” Quirrel muttered, “Brumm is adopted. Wonder what happened to him?”

“It’s because everyone has dead, missing, or nonexistent parents and they need to be put somewhere in the world,” muttered Grimm, “But the problem is that half of them are children so they need to be adopted.” 

“Grimm is a very good parent,” the Nightmare King said happily, “And I am very proud of both of my sons because they are accomplishing so much in life.”

“Terzu lives by herself,” Blossom pointed out, “And she doesn’t have anybody. Well, except for Erith, who lives in the fat stupid Hive.”

“SHUT UP, STUPID KNIGHT!” shrieked Grimm as a sock was flung through the window from below, “SHUT YOUR STUPID MOUTH! GO BACK TO YOUR STUPID HIVE!” Five more socks were flung through the window, which hit Grimm in the face. The Nightmare King peeled a sock off of Grimm’s forehead and threw it back down. 

“SOCK CONFIRMED!” shrieked Hive Knight again. 

“NO!” Grimm hollered back, “SHUT UP! THAT SHIP DOESN’T EXIST!” 

“Yes it does, it’s just going backward while upside down,” said Grimmchild. 

“I STILL DO NOT EVEN GET WHAT THE HECK A SOCK IS!!” Grimm shrieked, “I ASKED THE NIGHTMARE KING, AND HE JUST SAID ‘US!’ I AM NOT A SHIP? WHAT  _ IS _ A SHIP!?!?!?!??!”

“It is a type of boat?” suggested Quirrel. 

“WHAT IS A BOAT!” 

“I do not know?” Grimm flipped over his desk and shut himself inside a bean can. 

“What, how, why, what, how?” stammered Quirrel, watching Grimm inside the bean can. 

“I do not know,” Grimmothy replied as the Nightmare King yanked Grimm back out. 

“But I actually have no idea what boats, ships, or whatever they’re called are.” 

“I AM NOT A BOAT!” Grimm screamed as the Nightmare King wrenched him out of the can and flipped his table rightside up before plopping a screeching Grimm back into his seat. 

“But you don’t even know what a boat is?” Quirrel said, confused.

“I AM NOT A BOAT!” 

“Okay, fine.” 

“SOCK SHIP!” screeched Hive Knight. 

“I AM NOT SOAP!” yelled SOAP.

“I am not hollow,” said Hollow.

“Zote,” said Zote.

“GET OUT OF MY CLASS!” screeched Grimm angrily as he picked up Zote and Hollow, tossing them out the window. 

“ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEE!” Zote screamed, terrified because he was falling down like 50 feet. Hollow sighed. 

“I am not Zote,” stated Jared, “I am the MIGHTNARE GING KRIMM! “ 

“NO!” screamed Grimm as the Nightmare King observed Jared with a reserved curiosity. 

“I AM NOT SOAP!” shrieked SOAP.

“IS THAT A DEAD BODY I SEE?” shouted Blossom, holding a toilet over her head. 

“YES!” screeched Millybug, “I SEE COOKIES! WHO WANTS COOKIES!” 

“Why the actual fu **DOMA** ck are you all here? It’s only like 7:30 in the morning!” Grimm yelled as several students ran into a door. 

“Alright, you clowns, out before I set everyone on fire,” the Nightmare King growled, scaring all the stupid students away except for SOAP, Blossom, Quirrel, and Grimmothy. 

“But why would you protest against being a ship when literally nobody other than Hive Knight and possibly the Nightmare King know what it means?” Quirrel asked, scribbling all over his notebook. 

“Because if they’re the two who insist that I am a ship, then it cannot be anything good,” Grimm said, “Also, for the record, I AM NOT A SHIP!”

“That actually makes sense,” said Grimmothy, “But actually, I also know what it is and you actually are a ship, it’s just a malfunctioning ship.” 

“What if I’m secretly calling you a ship because it’s a synonym for ‘handsome’?” the Nightmare King pointed out grumpily. 

“It is not,” stated Grimm, “Because Hive Knight is stupid and cannot see how beautiful I am, so he would never call me a ship if he knew what it meant.”

“You may have an inflated ego, but you do have some IQ,” SOAP commented before being stepped on by the Nightmare King. 

“Are you me?” asked FAT. 

“No! I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE!” Grimm yodeled. 

“Anyways, I would call Dad 1 a correct ship if it meant handsome because I literally have the same face as him, and so does Dad 2, and I know for a fact that Dad 1 would be very angry if he actually found out what ship meant,” Grimmchild lectured to nobody in particular. Quirrel listened intently. 

“See, even more evidence that a ship is not a good thing at all!” screeched Grimm. 

“So if everyone is in this room now, I guess we can come back?” asked Cloth, popping out of the ground and creating a giant hole in the ground. 

“NO!!!” screeched Grimm, “YOU MAY BE MY FAVORITE STUDENT, BUT GET OUT! THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE IN HERE AND IT’S LIKE 7:40!”

“How do you know it’s 7:40?” Quirrel asked, “There aren’t any clocks around, and the only clock that would be close to us would be the one behind you that’s broken.”

“BECAUSE MOLLY IS CROWING 2% LOUDER THAN SHE WAS TWO MINUTES AGO! GET OUT! JUST LEAVE! UNTIL IT’S ACTUALLY YOUR STUPID CLASS TIME!” 

“I don’t think I want to,” sang Marissa. 

“Me either,” stated Jake, waddling into the room. Everyone else nodded in agreement. 

“Get the miserable creatures out of my stupid classroom,” Grimm told the Nightmare King grumpily. The Nightmare King shrugged before kicking Marissa down the stairs. 

“You’re ego,” said FAT. 

“FAT,” agreed Tape Recorder, “FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT.” The recording trailed off as their tape recorder broke. Staring in disappointment, they pulled out another five tape recorders. 

“That’s it,” Grimm muttered. He picked up a shovel and scooped everyone up before dumping them out the window onto Unn’s head. 

“Stop dumping things onto my head! What is  _ wrong _ with you? DUMP THEM ON THE NIGHTMARE KING’S HEAD, not mine! He can tolerate you for years! I can’t!” Unn shrieked from down below.

“What,” said Grimm, accidentally throwing a trumpet into the Nightmare King’s face. 

“Ow,” the Nightmare King said monotonously. 

“Woops,” Grimm replied as Hive Knight threw up bees onto his foot. He stared at Hive Knight, who was throwing up bees and snorting dust. “That is disgusting, get  _ away _ from me, you stupid bee!” 

“Socks on a ship,” declared Hive Knight before rolling out the window and toppling into Unn’s head. 

“Why would you put socks on a ship?” asked Quirrel. 

“What the fu **EGALE** ck is a ship,” asked Grimm. 

“You are all so stupid,” Unn retorted from down below as Hive Knight threw up bees all over her face, “A ship is a pairing between two characters! As in when some stupid person thinks they are together or should be together, so they ship those two stinky people! In other words, you and the Nightmare King, you stinky moth-bat-spider-flame-creature thing that I don’t even know what you are!”

“Oh, Grimmchild is right. Grimm  _ does _ hate ships,” said Quirrel. 

“I AM NOT DATING THE NIGHTMARE KING!” Grimm screamed. “I AM NOT A SHIP!”

“No, you’re not,” agreed Hive Knight, “YOU AND THE NIGHTGARE MING KRIMM ARE SHIPPED TOGETHER! SOCSK!” Grimm turned into a pufferfish and exploded. Grimmothy morphed into a new Grimm and threw up a new Grimmchild, who then started whining about world records again. 

“... Alright,” the Nightmare King muttered quietly as Hive Knight snorted bees through his eyes and spat them back out through his nose.

“wHy the lOng facE,?” Hive Knight asked as he pulled himself back up through the window and plopped next to the Nightmare King, “Ya like jazz?” 

“Dad 2’s face is not long? His horns are long, but his face is short and stubby like my feet,” Grimmothy pointed out inquisitively.

“What are feet.” SOAP said. 

“You don’t have feet,” stated Quirrel, “Neither does Grimm or the Nightmare King.” 

“I HAVE FET!” screeched Jared. 

“Hm.” The Nightmare King ignored Hive Knight and continued to tune guitars without another word. 

“I am thrown up by a man, Dad 2 is cannibalistic, Salubra is weird, Hive Knight throws up bees, the Pale Thing smells bad, and Godseeker has a man’s voice,” Grimmothy pointed out, “And you think that us lacking feet would be the weirdest thing?”

“I’m havaing are sezUre,” said SLOP, on the floor, drooling Void all over a desk. Molly crowed something before falling through the roof onto the first floor. Tiso screamed as he was crushed. Grimm hissed something to the Nightmare King, who got up and shoved all the stupid people out of the classroom before the door was flung open and they all came back in.

“It is literally too much for your pea-sized brains to comprehend the fact that Grimm and I want privacy?” the Nightmare King snarled. 

“To kISs?????? sOcK!!!!1!1!11!!1!1!1!!!!” shrieked Hive Knight, “SOCK! SHIP! KisSSSSS!” Grimm slapped him and fell out the window, and landed on Molly and Tiso. Tiso screamed about stuff that kept falling on him before somebody slapped Unn with a flower. Unn shrieked and fell onto the pile of Grimm and Molly, further crushing Tiso, who was being pelted by hair, moldy cheese, and sponges. 

“That is a real type of foot MOLD!” shrieked SOAP as they threw yams at Hornet, who was joining the screaming people in Grimm’s classroom. 

“ALL OF YOU IDIOTS NEED TO GET OUT!” shrieked Grimm as he tossed a boot across his classroom, “BEGONE! GO AWAY! STUPID!”

“That did not work, but you called ‘stupid’, so here I am,” declared Snej. 

“Ooh, self burn. Those are rare,” the Nightmare King commented before Grimm kicked Snej out of the window. 

“Stop it with the dead memes and get out!” screeched Grimm. 

“No, I don’t think I will,” said Hornet, throwing an Ooma at Lace, “Oh I know! Can we stay if I bribe you with weird explosives you can use to blow up a whole kingdom?” 

“Why do you even want to be here?” Grimm exclaimed, “I mean, I get that I’m awesome and everyone LOVES me-” Grimm was cut off by FAT.

“You’re ego,” said FAT. 

“The only person who actually love-loves you would probably be yourself,” Lace retorted before getting slapped by an Ooma.

“I’m gonna show off my ketchup!” screeched Hornet, “THE OOMAS LOVE IT!” She threw a fireball she found somewhere at an Ooma, which exploded. “SEE! IT IS SO HAPPY IT BECAME EVIL CONFETTI!” 

“How did you manage to bottle my stupid fire,” asked the Nightmare King, “You make no sense, but then again you’re a Stupid, so.” He shrugged. 

“I’m the,” replied Hive Knight, “Ship. They are both. They are!”

“No, NEVER!!!!1!!1!1!” shrieked Grimm. 

“Anyways, to reply to that earlier comment, I just want to say that I have no idea why any of you idiots are in Grimm’s classroom. Literally everyone hates me and nobody cares about Grimm other than me, so why are you all here?” the Nightmare King asked as he picked up Hornet by her invisible foot and threw her out the window. 

“SOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!111!!!!!1!1!!” Hive Knight shrieked, agreeing with the Nightmare King about the Nightmare King being the only one who cared about Grimm. 

“I care about my colleagues,” Dung Defender offered.

“Yeah, but like, if Grimm was dying from a stupid disease and you were dying from a stupid disease, would you rather give the cure to yourself or Grimm?” the Nightmare King asked.

“Oh, that’s easy. Myself,” Dung Defender replied.

“See, that proves that I’m the only one here who likes Grimm. I would totally give Grimm the cure before curing myself because I’m a god and I can do that,” the Nightmare King stated. 

“SIPS!!!!! SHOCK!!! SOCK!!! SHIP!!!!! I DON’T KNOW BECAUSE I HAVE LOST THE ABILITY TO SPEAK BECAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHIOP!!!!!! !SHOP!!!!!!!!! SHIP!! SHIP! SHIP!!!!!!1!1!1!1!1!!” Hive Knight screeched loudly like a toddler on steroids. 

“No, last time that happened you shoved the cure down a pipe somewhere, then made 50 copies of the cure somehow,” muttered Grimm. The Nightmare King shrugged.

“Do not question me, or off with your head,” he declared.

“I have already been questioning you for the past thousand years or so, and I have already been having my head cut off for the last 170 years.” 

“It was a joke, Grimm.” 

“You two are weird, and for the record, do you even know what the heck love is?” Grimmothy asked as he plopped around his stupid parents, “Like, you say you ‘love’ Dad 1, but then you’re always ripping off his arms and eating them or something. Do you have a cannibalism fetish or something? Because that is  _ not _ love.” 

“This is why your family is possibly even weirder than mine,” said Hollow, crawling out of a cupboard somehow from somewhere. 

“No, I can say that I do like Grimm. I like him a lot,” the Nightmare King retorted as Grimm groaned.

“Does he even like you back?” Dung Defender asked, “Because… I mean, it… I don’t know how to put it nicely. It’s… one-sided?” 

“Oh, depends on what ‘like’ you’re talking about,” the Nightmare King replied smoothly as Grimm fell down from his desk and shut himself inside a bean can again. 

“IT IS ONE HUDNRED MOLLEIN THOSASEND PERSENT SHIP!!” Hive Knight continued to shriek. Grimm went out of the can, dropkicked him out the window, then shut himself back in. 

“I refuse to be humiliated like this,” Grimm’s muffled voice managed to say through the stupid tin can, “I am going to stay in here forever. Goodbye.” 

“It’s not  _ that _ bad,” the Nightmare King muttered, “I mean, between Zote and I, who would you rather be stuck in a room with?” 

“Quite frankly, if I were stuck in a room with Zote for a whole day, I think that I would go mad,” Grimm hissed. 

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“Case in point,” Grimm muttered as the Nightmare King dragged him back out of the bean can. 


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> theatre.

“You've already been going mad for the past something something something years, just shut up and get out of the can,” the Nightmare King said. 

“Yes, but everyone in this room, including you, are making me lose my sanity even faster, even though I probably lost my sanity around somewhere, maybe the last 18 times you massacred something,” replied Grimm, slamming his face on the desk. 

“If you all don’t SHUT UP and stop CLANGING tubas and instruments everywhere, then I’m going to go mad as well!” Monomon screeched from her room. 

“I’m,” repeated FAT, “You’re are insane levels.” 

“Why is Hollow hiding in a cupboard, and how?” Quirrel asked, “They can’t even fit!” Hollow gestured to their back, which was bent in a weird looking knot. 

“Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, BoriNG!” Dave muttered, “Something needs to hAppEN!” He picked up a bar of soap and threw it at SLOP, who glared and threw 18 yams at him. 

“I AM NOT SOAP, YOU UNEDUCATED INGRATE! I HOPE GRIMM’S FACE NIBBLES OFF YOUR TOES ONE BY ONE!” Blossom cackled, throwing soup at SOP and being pelted with yams. Quirrel winced, writing notes about how it hurts to have your nonexistent toes nibbled off by some weird guy’s face. 

“NO! GET OUT OF MY CLASS!” Grimm screeched as he picked up Dave and SOAP before flinging them out the window. 

“This is going to trigger weird Grimm seizures,” stated the Nightmare King. Grimm screeched and slapped him for some reason before throwing more people out the window and shutting himself in a bean can. 

“Everyone in this school is mad,” Monomon muttered to herself, “Except me. And I’m slowly going mad. Quirrel and Cloth are sane, but they are also slowly being driven insane by the Vessels, and the Hollow one is sane and insane at the same time.” Quirrel began wondering how he was going insane. 

“DO NOT LAKE!” screeched SOAP as their head was cracked open by 299 Oomas from Hornet. The Nightmare King watched enthusiastically as the students started murdering each other for absolutely no reason whatsoever. 

Grimm angrily shut the windows.

“DO NOT COME IN HERE!” he shrieked, “I’VE SAID ONE TOO MANY TIMES NOW, I WANT PRIVACY!”

“But I’m here,” said Dung Defender.

“You’re a Music Teacher, so you stay. DIVINE, GET OUT!!!!1111!!!!1!1” 

“Dare,” cackled Divine. Grimm slapped and threw his organ at her. 

“No,” said SOAP, pointing to the roof. Molly fell through, creating another hole in the walls, ceiling, and floor. Tiso died. 

“THIs is SO  _ stupid _ !1!” Grimm yelled. Snej appeared out of nowhere.

“YOU cAlaleD//???!/!” Snej screeched. “IF YOU WANT REPAIRS, GIVE ME SOMEONE’S FINGER! I NEED A FINGER!!”

“Why do you need a finger, you stupid centipede?” Monomon asked as she sauntered into the room. Grimm screamed angrily. 

“NO!” 

“Everyone is dying, my poor benhcse,” remarked Joth. 

“GET OUT!!!!!!!!111!!!!1!1!1!1!1!1!!!!” shrieked Grimm. 

“Why is the sun not up by now? I literally can’t see a thing because I don’t have a Lumafly Lantern,” said Quirrel. SOAP smacked his head with a Lumafly Lantern and Quirrel nodded his head in thanks. 

“I’m,” said FAT, “I’m. The!?” 

“Thoonk, excellent performance.” Hammer bowed down and another 20 instruments and a large chunk of the floor broke. 

“WHY DO YOU NEED A FINGER?” Monoman shrieked. Grimm chopped off two of his fingers and tossed it at Snej.

“BECAUSE CEDRIN NEEDS LUNCH! OR MAYBE I JUST LIKE HAVING A COLLECTION OF STUFF!” hollered Snej the Stupid. 

“Here, have your payment, keep the change, I don’t care. Just get the idiots out of here and repair my room!” Grimm screeched. Snej grinned like a snotty flower covered in phlegm before tossing everyone except for Grimm, the Nightmare King, Grimmothy, Divine, and Dung Defender out of the room. He then did the stupid wall repairments and disapeared. 

“My brain is gum,” Dave declared as he was flung out the window for the 398579837895th time that morning. 

“JOIN A CULT TODAY!!!!!!!!!” Hive Knight yelled from downstairs, “JOIN THE GRIMMM IS NIGHTMARE KING SHIPPED CULT TODAY!!!!!!!!!!! NOWW!!!!!!! SOCKS! SHIP SHIP!!!!! SSSSOOOOOOOOOOOCCCCKS ON A SSSSHHHHHIIIIIIIIIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!1!11!1!!1!1!1!!!1!!” 

“STOP ADVERTISING, WE AREN’T IN ANY NEED OF MORE STUPID PARTICIPANTS!” Grimm screeched from his room, “WE ALREADY HAVE A STUPID CHILD, SO GO AWAY! WE AREN’T HIRING EITHER!!1!”

“What,” said Hive Knight, handing out pamphlets about stupid ships, socks, and how Grimm and the Nightmare King were 100% dating and married and whatever else Grimm kept denying, “SHIPPED!! SHIP SAIL!!!!! SHHHHHHIPPPPIPIPIPIPIPIPIPP!” 

“NO!” Grimm yodeled.

“I am NOT A SOCK! I AM NOT SOAP, SLOP, SOP, SOUP, SOPU, SOPA, SOAK, SOCK, OR ANYTHING! I AM NOT SHAMPOO! I AM GHOST! OR THE KNIGHT! NOT A SOCK!” 

The Nightmare King crossed his arms and hissed angrily. Divine slithered over to him like a stupid slug because I do not know what bug she is. The Nightmare King glared at Divine, who bent down and ate a rock. 

“Why is everyone having a seizure and slamming their face on their keyboards in here?” Quirrel asked, watching the idiots die and screech. The Nightmare King watched Hornet blow up Lace’s nose while Grimm picked up Quirrel angrily and threw him down the stairs. 

“I’m, ego, are the, Grimm’s head,” FAT informed Quirrel, who was tumbling down the stairs and scribbling notes on Grimm and vessel behavior at the same time. 

“OOoooOOOOOoHoOOOOHoHOhOHOhohoHoHGUFDRTFGYBHUNjmkNUHGYBFTreST$E%Y67thuJNUETFRGTHY!1!11!1” Hive Knight screeched. 

“Are you implying my head is fat?” Grimm asked, kicking the vessel out the door and locking it, “It is not! Shoo! Go away!” 

“Iiiiiiiiii, I, IIIII, I!” Dave shrieked, climbing up through the window. Grimm shut the window, locking that one as well. Dave’s head fell off and was grabbed eagerly by Jake. 

Whyyyyyyy are yuo MAdddadaadadadfhfgd????????????/1/1/11/!!1” Hive Knight asked the Nightmare King, flopping up the stairs to bother Grimm again. 

“Why does SNEJ get to take Grimm’s chopped off finger whereas I do not?” the Nightmare King hissed, “Unfair. I’m the God of Nightmares, he should be asking me, not that stupid centipede.”

“I love to eat sea slugs,” stated Blossom. Koi threw a Vengefly at her, muttering about how Vengeflies were sea slugs that could swim as fast as dead cacti. 

“I heard someone say the phrase ‘stupid centipede’, so here I am again,” Snej said as he flopped into Grimm’s stupid crowded classroom. 

“I’M~!” shrieked FAT, “EGO! GRIMM!” 

“SHUT UP!” shrieked Grimm, “I HAVEN’T EVEN SAID ANYTHING YET! I WISH YOU WOULD ALL LEAVE MY LIFE FOREVER!” He climbed into a bean can again, only to be dragged out by the Nightmare King. Hornet broke the door lock with an Ooma, granting entrance into the room for the rest of the students. 

“Why did you take Grimm’s finger?” the Nightmare King snarled to Snej, who was sticking roof spikes up his nose. Snej shrugged.

“Well, I didn’t exactly ask for his finger, ya know? I said anyone’s finger, but Grimm just thought to slap off his stupid finger and toss it at me, and since I did say finger, I accepted it. Not my problem, go yell at Grimm or something,” Snej explained before rolling off the balcony and landing on Tiso, crushing him before Molly could. 

“I want these idiots out of my classroom!” screeched Grimm, throwing a bookshelf at Hive Knight and the stupid students who thought it was acceptable to run around screaming in a classroom. The Nightmare King growled.

“I do not the our had the was sense of right wrong and,” stated Dave, “Can’t ot will judge, refuses are all to leave, two blame the dad our.” 

“If all of you do not get the FU **_DOMA_ ** CK OUT OF THIS CLASSROOM RIGHT NOW, I SWEAR I’M GOING TO GIVE YOU ALL NIGHTMARES FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!” the Nightmare King roared, picking up all the stinky intruders and throwing them out the window. Divine threw up some rocks on SOAP’s head before tossing them out the window as well. 

“I’m, dream no have,” said SOAP, “No dream to the mind are Radiance anti dumb father.” 

“Yes yuo do, just theg stupid Radince doesn’t visit you bother becuz yuo stupid,” Blossom said to SOAP.

“Oh, ok,” SOAP replied before Divine dropped them out the window. 

“THE NIGHTMAREn KINBG IS JELUSS! SUPR!!! VERY!!!!!! E!,” Hive Knight shrieked as he too was tossed out the window to land on Unn’s fat head. 

“STOP THROWING THINGS THIS WAY! Throw stuff at  _ Herrah _ , instead!” Unn shouted from below. The Nightmare King shrugged unapologetically and continued to pluck students up and toss them out the window. 

“WHAT THE HECK WOULD HE BE JEALOUS ABOUT???!!!” Grimm screeched, “I LITERALLY DEVOTE MY LIFE TO HIM!!! WHAT?!”

“Why did you let Snej take your body part?” the Nightmare King snarled. Grimm rolled his eyes.

“Well, certainly more resourceful than picking up a student and doing it, considering I was literally quite DONE at the time,” Grimm snapped back. The Nightmare King growled before stomping away to go tune some stupid guitars.

“Is it always like this with those two?” Dung Defender asked.

“Rock,” Divine responded, “I eat. Tasty !”

“Choking again,” muttered Grimm. 

“No !” Divine said, “Rock. I eat, TastTY !” The bell rang, and it was time for the idiots to start teaching. 

“Great,” Grimm hissed, “We’ve gotten nothing accomplished within those two stupid hours before class, and my classroom is covered in broken instruments. I loathe my life.”

_________________________________________________________________

“Alright, students!” Marissa sang, “This time, I do actually know what we will be doing! We are going to write out a play and act it out!” 

“But why?” Zemmoth asked before being slapped by Marissa.

“Because if not, then I will be moving you all to Grimm’s classroom so that the Nightmare King can torture you all,” she replied happily. “Alright, now as I was saying, we will be writing a play! It doesn’t need to be a long one, but write out your ideas on this piece of paper and turn it in, I will go over it and we will vote for which idea we like best.” With her last remark, she started passing out stupid slips of paper to all the smelly little idiots in the class. 

“I am what,” Hornet said as Lace poked her head off again. 

“A princess rescuing a knight,” Pale Lurker said. God Tamer nodded enthusiastically. 

“Arson… and… the awesome main character!” Grimmothy exclaimed, “Tooth Ripping Man! He rips out teeth and he’s awesome! He fights bad guys by ripping out their teeth!”

“Hmm, maybe something intuitive, or pensive?” Quirrel said to himself, “Something moving that sparks interest. Something relatable, perhaps. How about a heartwarming story of two very close friends who’ve been through a lot together? And one friend tried to end to themself, but the other friend catches them from ending their life and we make the audience cry?” 

“NO!” screamed SOAP, “I WANT TO DO KILLING! THERE IS A VERY COOL LITTLE GUY WHO HATES THEIR FAMILY BECAUSE THEY SUCK, SO THEY KILL THEM ALL AND EVERYONE LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER!” 

“I like that idea,” Myla said in her buff voice as she scribbled down stupid stuff on her paper. 

“There is a god, and his name is Jake,” Jake said matter-of-factly, “And he is so awesome and everyone loves him so much, the end.”

“That was your writing project, you moron,” said Hornet, “THE BEST STORY IS ONCE UPON A TIME LACE DIED AND HORNET BECAME QUEEN OF HALLOWNEST AND FART LOOM THE END!” 

“NO!!!!111!!” screamed Lace, “HONRET DIES AND LACE BECOMES QUEEN OF EVERYTHING! THE END!!!” 

“NooOOOOOOOo!!!!11!!!” screeched Hornet. 

“There once was a King and he fell in looooooooooooooooooooove with a peasant and they looooooooooooooooooved each other and they had a child and looooooooooooooooooooooved each other,” Hive Knight shrieked, “SOCK SHIP!!! AND THE BEE SHIP SOCKED THEM!!!!! AND IT WAS TRUE! THE END!!!!” 

“You are not in my class,” Marissa retorted as she tossed Hive Knight out the window, “Go teach sparring or something. Goodbye.”

“SHUT UP!” screeched Grimm from somewhere. 

“Ha HA,” Dave yelled, “Grimm is are PESEANT!!!! POOR MAN PESEANT!!! HEE HEE HAR HAR!!!” 

“NO YOU STUPID! SHUT UP!” 

“How the fu **IGOIGO** ck is Grimm able to hear us from over there?” Quirrel asked. 

“Quirrel!” Cloth exclaimed, “I’d never thought you would curse like that!”

“I’M NEXT DOOR, YOU STUPIDS! STOP IT AND SHUT UP ABOUT ME!” Grimm shrieked before the Nightmare King got him to shut up and scream at his own students instead. 

“I’m,” cackled Blossom, a very evil grin on her face, “ONCE UPON A TIME TOITLET CLOGGED! FLOOD VOID EVYWERE! PALE THING DIE! VOID! EVERYONE DIE BECAUSE TOITLET CLOGGED! BLOSSOM BECOMES THE GOD OF EVERYTHING! TOITLET!” 

“ONCE UPON A TIME BILL WAS NOT SOAP!” shrieked SOAP. 

“Once apron a time tables, Dave gave everyone a hug, the end,” Dave stated.

“That’s surprisingly wholesome,” Cloth muttered, “How about once upon a time the Nightmare King killed everyone except for a few stragglers? They then found a way to overrule the Nightmare King and killed him and then they became the rulers of nothing because everyone was dead.”

“ONCE UPON A TIME BILL KILLED THE CANON UNIVERSE SO THEN CLOTH AND QUIRREL AND MYLA AND DUNG DEFENDER AND GRIMM AND NIGHTMARE KING AND BRUMM THEN ISMA THEN PALE THING THEN RADIANCE THEN HOLLOW THEN EVERYONE ALIVE! NOT DEAD! EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE HERE IS DEAD AND EVERYONE LOVES BILL!” shrieked SOAP. 

“What?” Grimmothy asked, “NO! I want Tooth Ripper Man! TOOTH RIPPER MAN FOR THE WIN!!!”

“DEAD! YOU ARE! IF BANISH, EXISTENCE POOF! IF RITUAL, DEAD FOR TIME! DEAD THEN LIVE THEN DEAD! FOREVER! DEAD!” 

“TOITLET CLOGGED! EVERYONE DIE!” Blossom yodeled. 

“DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!” echoed Tape Recorder from Grimm’s room next door. 

“Thonk, forever,” said Hammer. 

“Once upon a time the Radiance made the Moth Tribe but then they stopped worshipping her so she hated everyone because the Pale King so the Pale King made a million babies to get rid of her but the baby he chose didn’t work the end,” said Quirrel. 

“Once upon a time, uhhh,” Tiso started, trying to think of an idea before Molly toppled down from the roof and crushed him again. God Tamer cackled like the Collector before shoving a key in the Pale Lurker’s eye. 

“I want my children back,” said Grubfather. 

“No refunds,” Grimmothy snarked back. 

“Ooh, Quirrel, let’s do that weird god thingy!” exclaimed Yvette, “So, the Radiance had her moth Tribe, but then she felt some jealousy and anger for other Higher Beings! She decided that it was not good to have that, so she lumped all her bad qualities together into a fat pile that she called ‘Nightmare Essence’ instead of Dream Essence. Then, the Nightmare King waddled out and became his own god and the Radiance was confused but didn’t get rid of him because he was basically all of her bad qualities which she didn’t want to get back. Then, Pale Creature came in and gave her brainless moths some ideas and stuff, so then the Radiance was mad because they could think, then the whole Canonverse results.”

“Grimmchild, how do you disable the weird age revert?” Hollow asked, “For some reason I’m supposed to graduate from ‘school’, but now I’m apparently 17? This happened last year as well?” 

“Plagereisesim,” said SOAP, “Tim Charry mad story not yuo.” 

“Oh, that reminds me, I had to kill Monomon in that story, nevermind,” said Quirrel, “Let’s not do it. In that one, my friend had to kill Hollow, Herrah, and Lurien.” 

“DO IT!” shrieked the Radiance, “I DIE IN THAT ONE BUT SOAP KILLS LURIEN SO IT’S FAIR! DO THAT STORY! KILL LURIEN!” 

“ONE APRON TIMER,” Afro announced dramatically, “SIBLING SAID CUT HORNS! I DID NOT! HA HA HA!!!!”

“You really don’t have any good ideas at all, do you?” Marissa retorted as her students ran around screaming.

“I’M NOT A SOAP! THE END!” shrieked SOAP. 

“Dad once put me on a bench and I threw up all over the place,” Cedrin said, “Maybe that could be a good plot?” Zara nodded, agreeing that it was an awesome plot. 

“Once upon I time SNEJ ATE GRIMMS FINGER BECAUSE HE WAS BORED!” announced Hammer, “THONK!” 

“Is that true?” Quirrel asked. 

“No, he gave it to me because Dad forgot to pack me lunch, but I’m not a cannibal,” Cedrin said tiredly, “So I had to starve for that day. Did he do it again? Because I really don’t want to eat Grimm’s finger, it’s all crusty and disgusting.” The Nightmare King teleported into the room, looked offended, then teleported away. 

“We have a school lunch, you know,” Marissa told the students. 

“DisgustanG! EWWWW~! INFEEctiOLn!” shrieked SOAP. 

“Kingdoms and bones may turn to dust, but Mr Mushroom readjusts,” Mr. Mushroom said. 

“Good plot,” Quirrel muttered as he wrote down the craziness that Mr. Mushroom was spewing out. 

“USE YOUR NOSE!” Mr Mushroom muttered, “You’re not hungry! Gather time!” 

“Teeth,” stated Grimmchild, “Tooth ripper man. He is the best superhero ever and he rips out everyone’s teeth and it’s the most amazing idea ever.” 

“Once upon a time, Lace’s breath was so horrid that everyone died and Hornet killed her, the end!” shrieked Honret before being slapped by Lace 93589275893985734897598 times.

“There was a knight who got stuck up a bear’s nose, so the awesome princess ran over and yanked him out, then she stabbed the bear a bunch of times and killed them with a machete!” God Tamer exclaimed. 

“Oh, and the knight was super thankful and wanted to marry the princess, but the princess refused because she wanted to be single forever!” the Pale Lurker shrieked. God Tamer and her then cackled for about 5 minutes before tossing mold and cheese at Tiso, who was stuck underneath Molly. 

“I’m a dead goat that will stuff toes in your nose,” said SOAP, “Toes up your nose, toes up your nose. TOES IN YOUR NOSE AND TEETH BENEATH!” 

“I RIP OUT THE TEETH, I RIP OUT THE TEETH! ENOUGH OF THEM TO MAKE A WREATH!” Grimmchild crowed loudly, plopping a wreath made of teeth onto SOAP’s head. Quirrel’s neck retreated back into his spin as he cringed with disgust. 

“Teeth Wreath and Toes Up Your Nose, the Musical!” Grimmothy exclaimed, flopping around as he yanked out Erith’s teeth. Clover was promptly turned into a cookie by Millybug.

“Sure, whatever, I don’t care,” Tiso said before getting crushed again by Molly. SOAP started dancing and singing offkey about teeth up their throat. Hollow turned into a squid and slithered out the wall like a distressed panda eating hot sauce. 

“Wait, you need orange juice.” The Radiance threw 28139183 bottles of orange juice at Hollow’s face, trapping them. 

“Is there actually any plot in whatever the heck you two are trying to compose?” Finette asked as Deduline ran into the wall and died. 

“No!” Grimmchild exclaimed happily as he ripped out Zemmoth’s stupid teeth.

“IT is the best musical EVER!” shrieked SOAP, “EVEN TOOTH RIP MAN AND DEAD PEOPLE ARE THERE!!!!” 

“YAAAYYYY!” shrieked Dave.

“Have you kids chosen your plot yet?” Marissa asked as she went over to check on the stinky students. 

“NO!” Grimmothy and SOAP shrieked in unison, “WE HAVE THE BEST STORY AND PLOT, EVER! IT HAS NO PLOT! EVERYONE IS DEAD AND THEIR TEETH FALL OUT AND SING ABOUT!” 

“Heck, even I’m on board with this,” Quirrel muttered as he scribbled down 49876983769875 notes. 

“It is buetateful and I took that word from Dad 2, isn’t it wonderful,” Grimmothy said. 

“Me to,” said Jake.

“Who is a what,” Afro said matter-of-factly. Marissa shrugged before collecting all the stupid slips of paper. 

“Alright, children! Time to vote!” she announced as she spread the slips of paper around for everyone to read. 

“TOOTH RIP EVERYONE DIES!” shrieked Grimmothy and SOAP. 

“I like that one, because I don’t get yelled at about no lakes,” remarked Quirrel happily, “It’s such a nice storyline, but I’m afraid my friend isn’t exactly... Cut out for composing music.” 

“I’M ! I’M! THE THRYING TOOTHPICK! THIS RHYMES! SUCH GOOD SONG IS THIS!” SOAP sang loudly and proudly, “THRIVING TOOTHPICKS! HOORAY! MY FRIEND IS DEAD! TOOTH RIP!” 

“You can write the song lyrics, I can sing them!” Grimmothy said happily. SOAP nodded enthusiastically as they wrote down terrible song lyrics.

“I’m such good composer~!” SOAP sang, flopping around like limp seaweed. 

“This is a terrible song but the play itself sounds very fun, especially if there’s fighting!” yelled God Tamer as Pale Lurker shoved a key into her eye and nodded. Grimmothy yelled something about an amazing, epic, musical fight scene where everyone died in the finale and he ripped out everyone’s teeth. 

“That is a such good idea,” Blossom commented, “But toilet clog where?”

“In the middle of the story, a mysterious person clogs the toilet for no reason!” Grimmothy yelled.

“Oh, ok.” 

“FUN! WHERE IS THE JAKE DAVE GOD? WHERE IS FREE FACE FOR JAKE THE GOD!!!” asked Jake. 

“No ! Only a face! You can get a part where Jake pulls off Dad 2’s face, but you don’t get to be a god!” Grimmchild screeched, ripping out his teeth. Jake made a noise worthy of a wilted papaya before flopping away to try and rip off the Nightmare King’s face. 

“Not now!” 

“Wow, you kids have so many horrible ideas!” Marissa exclaimed, “But we’re using them anyways because they seem fun and I like writing music. Oh, that reminds me! Grimm needs to do a storytime event!”

“It isn’t an awful idea! It’s the most AMAZING idea in the world!” Grimmchild yelled. 

“YSE!” SOAP replied louder than a motorcycle driver at 3:00AM driving past your window. 

“I’m,” said Moi, a foot growing out of her eye kicking her. 

“I’m have betr strory!” Koi declared, “Ther are too idiots ata sochohl in hallowest, and stupid stuff haoppoens. The end.” 

“A story inside a story inside a story?” Quirrel muttered as he wrote down 395830985903 notes. 

“Plaitgerasm,” muttered SOAP, “ha ha yuo are arest. I HAV ORGENAL STORY! I BEET FAILED TAMPON! HA HA! BETTER!” 

“Tooth rip is canon,” Grimmothy informed Koi before ripping out her teeth and flopping away. 

“I’m,” said FAT, “Not brain anybody’s.” 

“I’M BRAIN!!!” shrieked PUNY. 

“You are not in my class either?” Marissa muttered as she tossed PUNY and FAT out of her classroom and back into Grimm’s classroom, where he was shrieking and tossing pianos everywhere.

Marmu screeched something about flying before she was also flung through the wall to Grimm’s classroom. 

“Ma’am? Shouldn’t you be helping Grimm? I mean, you’re part of the gang of other teachers that are making him lose his mind,” suggested Quirrel. 

“MARMUUUUU!” shrieked Marmu as she landed on Carrie with a  _ crunch _ . 

“Stop that! Go play “I’m going to turn into a weird-looking ball for no reason” with Dung Defender!” scolded Grimm.

“I wish I was a tree like mom,” said SOAP, “I WOuld be A Kill faiLEd tAmpON! MILLION A TIME!! FOREVER MILLION KILL TIMES!!! THE!” 

“I’m a died,” said Blossom. She ran out of the room to clog a toilet out of boredom. 

“Whelp, class is over, I guess,” Marissa announced, “Go to your next class, there’s the bell.” 


	28. Chapter 28

“Whta?” asked Blossom. 

“Monomon’s class, again,” Quirrel replied, not looking up from his stupid notes. 

“I WANT YOUR SCHOOL CALENDAR IF YOU DON’T USE IT!” shrieked Sharpe. 

“No, I use it!” Quirrel protested, “I just have the schedule memorized! Give it back!” He grabbed Sharpe and wrestled the crumpled packet back. 

“I NEED THE SCHEDULE! YOU CAN MEMORIZE THE REST BY YOURSELF!” 

“No, I have already written about 299,443,876,230,043,432,120,128,043 notes in that thing, give it back unless you want to read millions of notes about how the vessels act!” Sharpe looked from the notes to Quirrel, then slowly handed the calendar back. 

“Thank you.” 

“I AM ROTING!” declared Blossom happily as Dave nodded, agreeing with her. Grimmchild flew over and ripped out their teeth, staring disapprovingly at the yellow stains and cavities. He flicked Jake down the stairs as he pushed through the crowd of children to rip out their teeth. 

“Are we all in the hall?” asked Jake, tumbling down the stairs like a demented sea slug and pulling Grimmchild’s mask off, “Are we in the hall?” 

“No,” OwOed Grimmchild, “ _ We _ are in the hall, you are falling down the stairs for some reason.” He plucked out Quirrel’s teeth. When he was done, Quirrel exclaimed, 

“You’re the one who pushed him down! He’s going to fall for a very long time! Those are the stairs that lead to the school storerooms, or somewhere similar!” Grimmchild shrugged, then flapped off to rip out Deduline’s teeth. 

“Monomon class where,” Ivy asked as she ran straight into a wall. 

“Not the foggiest clue,” Clover replied. 

“IXL stuuuuuuuupiiiiiiiiiiiiiidddddd,” whined Moi. 

“Me to,” Koi agreed. 

“Why are we walking so slowly? Last chapter we got to the classroom in about 7 seconds,” asked Quirrel, watching Grimmchild yell about teeth and how everyone should brush their teeth or else he would stuff ripped out teeth up their noses. 

“Well because your an are idot,” replied Honret, “Yuo are soooooo slow! Even  _ Lace _ can get there before yuo! YUOR SO SLOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!” She slapped Lace in the face with an Ooma and her needle before being pelted with small, shimmering white flies. Hornet shrieked as a fly landed inside her eye. 

“ _ You’re _ the idiot!” Lace screeched, “YOU CAN’T EVEN SPEAK RIGHT!” Hornet scoffed and threw another 29 Oomas at her, which chanted, ‘ _ MONOMON, _ ’ before exploding on her face. 

“Before we start a street fight, or hall fight, can you two crazy maniacs let us pass?” Quirrel requested as Hornet made an enormous wall of Oomas around Lace, which would explode if someone touched them. Hornet motioned to the Oomas, which wouldn’t move unless they were exploded. 

“ME!” screeched SOAP, “I WILL BE AWESOME HALL CLEARER LIKE A MERKER ON THE WHITEBOARD!!!”

“What,” Erith said. Trobbio shrugged as the two of them watched SOAP explode both themself and Lace. Cloth waddled up to SOAP’s dead body and bent down in prayer before lying a piece of paper onto their forehead.

“Here lies the knight, a brave fellow who died while trying to clear the hall for their friends,” Cloth said solemnly as she tossed a rock onto their stupid Shade. 

“Uh oh,” muttered Quirrel, walking backwards as reincarnated SOAP ran over and hit 4 Oomas. The Oomas all exploded SOAP’s head off for the second time, and they lost all their geo because they forgot to hit their Shade. Hornet cackled like a crazy woman because she was a crazy woman. Lace was still dead.

“Where is Lace number two?” Quirrel asked, “We can’t go to class without her, and why isn’t she back yet?” 

“Actually, we can and will go to class without her,” Cedrin muttered, “I’m not sure about you crazy idiots, but I’m gonna go to Monomon’s class now. I do not want to be late.”

“Me two,” Afro said as they rolled after Cedrin, throwing up Void onto Quirrel’s face as they passed. Hammer waddled up to Quirrel and leaned over him, snot dribbling down their nose as they breathed heavily on his neck, making it MOIST. 

“Do not lake,” Hammer said slowly as Quirrel started sweating profusely. Hammer then promptly threw up on Quirrel’s face before flopping after Afro, screeching about how awesome they were as they knocked holes into the walls because of the stupid horn thing on their head. 

“Why are throwing everybody up Quirrel?” Blossom asked, “Trend? New?” She leaned over and threw up on Quirrel. 

“Har har har,” Hornet said, laughing like a maniac, “Lace number two! Number two is fecal matter! LACE IS SHIT!!! HAHAHAHA HAHA HA AH AHABGFSGADHJMNGB!!!!11!!!”

“Well, aren’t you Hornet two? Or three? Or four?” Lace snapped back, “You are smelly and die too much!” She threw 29 flies into people’s eyes. 

“I AM HORNET NUMBER ONE! HORNET THE AMAZING, BECAUSE I AM NUMBER ONE!!!!” Hornet shrieked as Dung Defender played ‘We Are Number One’ on his trumpet. 

“Hee hee, yuo ar pee! Urination!! PEE!!” Lace screeched, giggling as she tossed more flies up Hornet’s nose. Hornet became so mad that she spontaneously combusted. Lace screamed out in terror as fire flew onto her face and burned it off. 

“Ooh,” said Jake as he picked up the burnt face and shoved it in his ear. 

“This school is not known for its IQ, is it?” God Tamer muttered to the Pale Lurker, who nodded and threw sponges and moldy bits of cheese into Tiso’s eye before he was crushed by fat Molly. 

“What,” Dave asked. 

“Zote,” said Blossom. Zote screamed out in anger before yelling about Precept 348975983758943 and shoving a vengefly into Blossom’s eye. 

“I’M!!!! CLOG TOITLET!! CURSED FOREVER! EVER!” Blossom screeched madly, stuffing Zote’s head into a pencil sharpener covered in toilet paper. Hornet grabbed the toilet seat that Blossom was carrying around for some reason and shoved her head into it.

“HE SPOKED!” Hornet shrieked, “HE MUST SPOKE! DO! NOT THE INTERRUPT!!! HE SAID SOMETHING OTHER THAN ZTOE!!!!”

“YEaH!” Lace yelled as well, shoving flies into Blossom’s ears, “ZTOE MUST SPEEK! STUPID!”

“D,” Snej the Stupid said, thinking that he was summoned. 

“I am not going to be late because of those hooligans, goodbye,” Cloth announced before rolling after Cedrin along with pretty much all her classmates except for Lace, Zote, Blossom, and Hornet. 

“IF AN DREAM NAIL GETS STUCK IN SEOM NOES HEAD, WHAT DO DO I??!!!!!” SOAP screamed as they stomped into Monomon’s class, “YESERTDAY, I WAS STALKING PEEPOL AND STICKING TWIGS INTO THIER BRIAN, BUT THEN MY NAILDRMEA GOT STUCK? DO WHAT I!!? HELP>???!!!!” 

“Ah, I don’t know, friend, but perhaps you could ask the Seer or Monomon?” Quirrel suggested as he wrote down more notes. SOAP thought about it for a moment before nodding.

“YEAH, I COULD PROBABLOY ASK THE FOOT WOMAN ONE OR OLD SENILE MOTH LADY,” SOAP screeched, having no courtesy for the bugs around them that did not want to hear about their stupid conversation with Quirrel. 

“Can you like, shut up?” Tiso snapped, “Your shrieking is making me go deaf, which I really don’t want, because then I wouldn’t be able to hear when Molly is falling through ten floors above me!” As if to prove his point, Molly crashed through the roof and almost fell onto Tiso, who yelped and rolled away just in time. 

“YUO SHUT UP,” shrieked SLOP, “STUPID! THE YUO DIE OF SCREN IN CANON! HA HA! I BEET FAIL TAMPON! YUO DON OT!” Tiso screeched in anger before tipping SOAP over like a bottle of marmalade stuck inside someone’s car in 120 degrees Fahrenheit. SOAP shrieked something as they tried and failed to get back up, their legs kicking in the air as Monomon stomped over grumpily. 

“Class is going to start, and we can’t have upside-down idiots in here, we need rightside-up idiots,” Monomon snapped grumpily as she flipped SOAP back over and plopped them onto their desk, “Now, let’s see, who are we missing?” She muttered stuff to herself as she counted heads in the room, ignoring Grimmothy, who was ripping out all of her teeth. 

“Hi, I’m I’m, need to go fishing in three minutes, out!” Jake shrieked, yanking Monomon’s face off and running out the door. 

“NO!!1!!!” screeched Monomon as she yanked Jake back in, “NO EXCUSES, THIS IS CLASS TIME! NOW, WHERE ARE HORNET, LACE, ZOTE, AND BLOSSOM?! THOSE IDIOTS ARE MISSING!” Right as she finished her sentence, Lace, Hornet, Zote, and Blossom ran in, screaming at each other as they flopped around like chewed up pieces of tape. 

“Zote!” said Zote. 

“NOOOOOO!” Hornet and Lace wailed in unison, slapping each other at the same time. Blossom muttered about clogged toiltlets forever, throwing things at Zote. 

“Why is your head stuck in a toilet seat?” Monomon exclaimed before pulling it off of Blossom. Blossom shrugged before leaping up, grabbing her toilet seat and flopping away back to her desk. 

“I’m cried,” Jake sobged, “No face, Mightnare Ging, none!” He held up Monomon’s face and hit it with a piece of Ooma tentacle. 

“Shut up, we are having another guest today to talk about Essence and stuff,” Monomon snapped before picking up a spoon and slapping Jake’s face with it. The Seer then proceeded to waddle majestically into the classroom. 

“YOU ARE ALL FEET!” the Seer exclaimed. 

Jake yelled about no masks on the crazy foot woman, while SOAP dashed to the Seer. 

“HOWWWWW!!!! WHAT HAPPENES IF I DREAMNAIL GETES TUCK IN PEOLES HEAD!!!!” they shrieked, making the Seer fall over. 

“Get it back, you crazy wad of dirt!” the Seer exclaimed before plopping herself back over and smacking SOAP with a disembodied foot. 

“Where did she get that foot from?” Quirrel asked as he frantically scribbled down more notes, “More bugs to study, so many people at this school! So much to learn!”

“Same way how I get teeth,” Grimmothy muttered as he yanked out Quirrel’s canines. 

“Everyone here is secretly chopping each other’s limbs off, aren’t they?” remarked Quirrel. Monomon flinched as he picked up a random Tiktik skin. 

“FOOT!” the Seer yelled as she bent down and looked at Monomon’s foot. Monomon scoffed before walking away grumpily. 

“No, don’t take my foot! You’re supposed to be teaching these idiots about Essence and Dreamnails! Not chopping off the feet of normal, sane teachers!” The Seer sighed in disappointment before walking to the center of the room and mumbling, before saying, 

“ESSENCE IS YOUR MIND! It is the reminisce of what is left from a body after it dies, and it is what helps you think! Ghosts are made of essence, but we will not be talking about ghosts! WE ARE SCREECHING ABOUT GODS AND THEIR RELATIONS TO ESSENCE TODAY!” the Seer shrieked. 

“That was so enlightening, thank you,” said Grimmothy as he ripped out her teeth. 

“Once there was a light! I cannot remember it!” the Seer babbled. The Radiance waved from behind. “I do not know what the light was! I have forgotten the light! If only I could remember the light! What is the light? I do not know! I once did! But now I do not know a light! If only I knew-” 

“I’m over here,” said the Radiance. 

“-what the light was! I wonder what is a light! I once basked in a light! Where is the light! Who is the light! When was the light?” The Radiance facepalmed. 

“B,” said the Nightmare King as he floated down the hall carrying a bunch of stupid guitars and a stinky piano. The Seer gasped. 

“WHAT IS LIGHT? WHO IS WHEN? LIGHT!!” shrieked the Seer, “ARE YOU A LIGHT FOOT?” The Nightmare King looked confused, then dropped the guitars on her head, picked them up, and walked away. The Seer gasped again. 

“IT IS LIGHT!” she screeched as she picked up a piece of Nightmare Essence and shaped it into a foot. The Radiance rolled her eyes before floating away. 

“IT IS THE LIGHT! BUT THIS IS BLUE! IT IS BLUE NIGHTMARE LIGHT! I WONDER IF THIS WHEN THE LIGHT!!! IS BASKED IN THE LIGHT!?????” 

“Che,” wailed the Che Lump from the gardens below. 

“She is colorblind,” stated Monomon. 

“IS THE THIS LIGHT I AM HAVE BEEN ONCE BASKED!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO BLUE! MUST BE WHO LIGHT! LIGHT!!! IT IS LIGHT!!” 

“I’m not learning anything,” Quirrel said, confused as he tried and failed to write down whatever the heck the Seer was spewing out. 

“Hello, who wants to donate so I can ruin the White Palace, murder the Pale Creature, and build a senile center for the school?” the Radiance asked, popping into the room with a donation box, “I can also make an anti Lurien system!” 

“Oh, me for sure,” Monomon said as she picked up the Seer’s weird disembodied foot and plopped it into the box. The Radiance looked at the foot then back at Monomon apologetically.

“Sorry, we don’t take food donations,” she told Monomon, who sighed before taking it back. 

“I will!” screeched Divine, “ROCKS! TASTY! BUT! EAT! FOOT BETTER!” 

“The,” stated Jake, yanking off Divine’s mask. Divine shrieked before Tuk dragged her away to go prepare food for the stinky students. 

“I wish, sawbuzz, was a,” muttered Austin, rolling after the Nightmare King, who was carrying 60 more pianos to Grimm’s stupid classroom. 

“FooooooOOOOOOOOOOOoOOttttssSSSSSSSSS!” the Seer screeched, floating upside down after the Nightmare King and muttering about an ancient light. The Radiance rolled her eyes so far that they popped straight out the back of her head. The Nightmare King picked up her eye and muttered something about food before plopping it into a piano and running away. 

“I!!!!” Jake shouted excitedly, picking up the Radiance’s other eye and running after the Nightmare King in an attempt to grab his face mask thing. 

“NO!” Monomon yelled before wrapping her toe around Jake and shoving him back into the class. Jake’s nose flew off and hit Monomon’s kneecap before the Seer waddled over and coughed up a wad of phlegm onto SOAP’s head. 

“That is your reward,” she informed SOAP, “For collecting 2400 essence. Come back later with 2600 and I will give you something even better!” SOAP wrinkled their nose in disgust before slapping Hornet’s ears off. 

“Wow, that is extremely gross,” Cloth muttered as Quirrel wrote down 5000000 notes. Terzu hopped onto Tiso before both of them were crushed by Molly. 

“Ew,” said Hornet as SOAP grew a nose. 

“Why are you all growing extra body parts?” Monomon exclaimed. 

“I don’t know,” Lace replied, growing a head out of her shoulder, “ _ I’m _ not doing it,  _ they _ are!” 

“I have said what I have said,” the Seer announced epically as a foot grew from her forehead, “And now I shall follow the Light!”

“Er- Seer, Ma’am? I haven’t learned anything,” Quirrel said nervously as the Seer’s foot swung around in circles, knocking over one of Monomon’s acid tanks. Many students muttered in agreement as the Seer sighed.

“The light! I found light!” shrieked the Seer before flopping over and sighing, “Fine, but you have to help me find the light again if my memory short-circuits.” 

“Works for me,” Cloth muttered as Quirrel picked up the Seer’s disembodied foot and inspected it cautiously. He grimaced as a worm crawled out of the toe, yelled something about buzzsaws, and flew out the window. Hollow ran into a cupboard, and nobody knew where they came from. 

“Essence is the utmost mind! IT IS YOUR MIND!” screamed the Seer, “ESSENCE IS YOUR MIND!!! IT IS!!!!” IT’S YOUR MIND!!!”

“Uh-” Quirrel said before he was cut off by the Seer.

“IT IS YOUR MIND, AND IS VERY POWERFUL! SUPER DUPER POWERFUL, WHICH IS WHY GHOSTS EXIST AND SOUL DOES NOT THROUGH DEAD BODIES! ESSENCE IS SO POWERFUL THAT IS CAN RECREATE SOUL! IT IS!!!! GODS HAVE A LOT OF ESSENCE! IT are SUPER POWERFUL!” The Seer babled on and on, repeating about how Essence was the mind and whatnot. 

“I need to find better teachers,” muttered the Radiance. 

“You should’ve asked the Nightmare King instead of Seer woman,” Pale Lurker muttered. Cloth shrieked in terror before burrowing down. 

“No, he will kill you all,” Monomon snapped, “Ask him on your own time! Frankly, I would rather have this nut teaching you all about Essence rather than a 700 year old demon god thing that enslaves his whole kingdom!” 

“What,” said Grimmothy, “He doesn’t do that.” 

“I do not know, but I don’t like him!” Monomon screeched as she smacked Grimmchild with her yardstick. 

“I will kill you all but not enslave you!” the Nightmare King yelled, “The enslaving thing is the Pale Thing or the Radiance!” 

“Not the Pale King,” muttered Hollow, “All he does is yell about buzzsaws. And his school.” 

“INfection orange juice!” the Radiance yelled, pouring orange juice into the Seer’s eyes. SOAP waddled over to Monomon’s desk and ate all of her pens before running away again. 

“See, this is going to trigger another Higher Being argument if you all don’t shut up. That includes  _ you _ , Nightmare King,” Grimm said, dragging 2 organs across the hallway. Unn teleported in with a sharp nail and some Moss Knights. 

“Okay, where is the Pale Thing?” 

“Not here! Go back!” the Radiance shrieked. Unn growled before teleporting away with her Mosskins. 

“I’m,” said Jake, trying to yank off the Nightmare King’s face. He was swatted away, and the noise of two mask damage was heard. 

“THE LIGHT IS BACK!” the Seer shrieked as she fell onto the Nightmare King’s toe, “THE LIGYTUYT!!!!!!!! THE !!!!!!” The Nightmare King rolled his eyes and swatted the Seer away as well. The Seer screeched something about the light being angry. The Radiance rolled her eyes so far back that they circled through her back twice, then fell down. The Nightmare King cackled and picked them up before offering them to Grimm, who accepted the eyeball with slight disgust, but approval nonetheless.

“I am most definitely  _ not _ light,” the Nightmare King said, flicking the Seer. The Seer looked at him in confusion. 

“Is the light with memory loss? How would the light forget? Has the Moths been away for so long that she has losted her memory? How is the light? I wonder?” The Radiance facepalmed as the Seer babbled about crazy light and poor light and forgetting about the light. 

“I am not a woman,” the Nightmare King stated as Grimm looked curiously at the Radiance’s eyeball. A Grimmkin Nightmare picked up the eyeball and stuck it in a bowl labeled, ‘spare soup ingredients for the Nightmare King.’ 

“Is the Nightmare King some sort of weird bird that offers pieces of dead stuff to his mate or something?” Quirrel asked out loud, scribbling down 50 notes, “This is all so much information! I must know more!”

“What,” said Grimm. 

“What,” said the Nightmare King. 

“SSSSSSSSSSSSSSoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooocccccccck,” whispered Hive Knight. 

“I want my arms back, I wish it was Saturday,” Grimmchild whined. Grimm sighed before hauling the stupid pianos back into his room, the Nightmare King following him. 

“THE LIGHT IS GONE! WHERE DID SHE GO?” the Seer screeched as the foot on her forehead kicked SOAP across Monomon’s classroom. 

“I’m, so fabulous,” said SOAP, growing a crusty arm out of their nose. Grimm teleported in, commented on how nice looking the arm was, then teleported away. 

“Lotion,” Cloth muttered as SOAP’s crusty, dried, stinky arm smacked Hornet’s eyeball. Lace let out a noise of disgust as she peeled a layer of dried skin off of SOAP’s disgusting arm. 

“That arm is literally a carbon copy of Grimm’s arm,” Clover commented as Millybug turned the Seer’s forehead foot into a cookie. 

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” asked Grimm, poking out of a portal. The Nightmare King, who also literally looked the same as Grimm apart from horns and coloration, nodded and pulled Grimm back. SOAP waved, happy that they weren’t being harassed by Joth and the Nightmare King. 

“Those two are weird,” God Tamer muttered. 

“I am drooling,” the Pale Lurker announced, as she was, in fact, drooling. Tiso inched away from her as spit ran down her chin, making a disgusting smelly puddle of saliva dripping around her. 

“Cringe,” Godseeker muttered, somehow popping into Monomon’s classroom. 

“This is so stupid,” Monomon grumbled before plopping all the students back into their seats with her smelly tentacle feet. The Seer rolled around, still screaming about how the Light was the Nightmare King and whatnot, “I should have just asked the Radiance. She isn’t completely evil or senile.” 

“No, I’m not. But, I’m feeding Molly. You can’t have me lecture stupid students when I’m feeding Molly! It’s terrible!” the Radiance replied as Molly fell on top of Tiso. 

“Get this fat Mawlek  _ off _ of me!” Tiso shrieked. Molly spat and drooled happily all over him. 

“No, leave Molly alone! Stop bullying my Mawlek!” 

“Your Mawlek is bullying  _ me _ !” 

“I am going to brain damage,” Koi declared as Moi nodded encouragingly. 

“This is why our school has a bad reputation, if any normal and decent school came along, they would have the most amazing school in Hallownest. It’s a good thing there is none,” said Monomon. 

“Our school does  _ not _ have a bad reputation!” the Radiance cried, “Well, I mean, compared to the White Palace School for Smelly Idiots, it’s one of the best schools in this whole kingdom!” 

“That’s because the Pale Thing is insane and only has one student, who is currently hiding in my cupboard,” Monomon snapped, “And  _ our _ students are stupid! Even stupider than that one in the cupboard!” As if to prove her point, SOAP tripped over Hornet’s tooth that protruded out of her mouth and curled around her toenail 3 times before winding across the classroom. SOAP was so fat that Hronet’s fat extended tooth flew out of her mouth and landed on Grimmothy’s nonexistent cornea. Grimmchild squealed with excitement before shoving Hornet’s ripped-out tooth into his armpit. Monomon pointed to the three students as flies flew around Lace’s head, buzzing. 

“See? Stupid!” 

“Fine, but it’s better because we have compete- no, slightly more competent teachers, which is better than a competent student,” the Radiance snapped as her newly grown eyes extended around her head to look at the Nightmare King and Grimm, who were tossing pianos at the students. 

“Why are you looking at me?” the Nightmare King asked. The Radiance turned around before picking up Molly and tossing her into the wall to create a pathway out of the classroom. She then sighed and floated out the hole in the wall as Monomon screeched and tossed an Ooma at her. Grimm opened a portal and tried in vain to pull the Nightmare King back to his classroom. 

“Come  _ on _ , we need to get back! Stop harassing her students! You can harass mine and actually be useful, for once!” 

“No, your stupid students are boring and I need explosives! Hey, MONOMAN! I’M GOING TO KEEP BOTHERING YOU MORE THAN YOUR STUPID STUDENTS UNTIL YOU GIVE ME AT LEAST A HUNDRED EXPLOSIVE JELLYFISH!” 

“My nose is whistling,” Carrie asked as her nose was indeed whistling. Grimm ushered her back into the classroom before continuing to yank on the Nightmare King’s arm to no avail. 

“No! You with explosive Oomas will cause more chaos than 50 Luriens and Pale Things in one room with the rest of the school! And that’s an extremely large amount of chaos! You with explosives? You’ll blow up the school! You’re literally evil!” Monomon shrieked as Grimmothy ripped out her teeth. 

“True,” muttered Grimm. 

“Well, that  _ is _ true, but Grimm was supposed to back me up on the explosives,” the Nightmare King said, “I’m  _ still _ not leaving, though. I want those explosives!” 

“Oh, just give up already, we’ll just kill someone later and get explosives that way!” Grimm whined as he tugged on the Nightmare King. 

“But these can float! And track people quickly! And they do two mask damage!” 

“We can break down Monomon’s lab later or something! We need to get back!” The Nightmare King grumbled something before reluctantly following Grimm back into his classroom. Hive Knight flopped onto the floor, pretending to be a doormat. 

“Well, I guess I’ll have to find help fortifying my lab,” said Monomon, “Come on, class, write notes about whatever you just learned. Millybug, ‘I learned that the Nightmare King likes flying atomic bombs’ is not a useful note, erase that and write something else.” The Nightmare King popped back, Grimm tugging on his arm. 

“Flying atomic bomb? Do you have them?” 

“NO! GO AWAY!” 

“She’s right, come  _ on _ , we need to get back to our own classroom!” Grimm yanked the Nightmare King, and his neck cracked backwards. Somehow, he didn’t die and continued to yell about how he would not kill anyone who could get him a flying atomic bomb. The students looked at the Nightmare King, their eyes shining with confusion because last they checked, only Quirrel could extend his limbs. 

“What? Why are all you stupids staring at me? Do you actually want to be dinner? I mean, this bee  _ obviously _ wants to, but stupid students, too? Even Monomon? Really?” Hive Knight snorted something about socks before the Nightmare King flung him out the window with the brute force of a singing marker. 

“Sir, your neck is cracked but you are still functioning normally. We are just very, very concerned,” Quirrel said, scribbling down notes for some reason as the Nightmare King, his neck still cracked, turned around. 

“I thought  _ you _ , of all students, would know how I’m fine. Same reason you’re fine. Anyways, whichever student can get me the Oomas and some flying atomic bombs will mysteriously get an A+++ or something on their report card, I will definitely not be threatening your teachers. Jake raised his hand. 

“Bomb, give, receive face? Face, better your, does quack? All faces? Give much bomb. Not grades, face! Mask face, all, yuors including?” The Nightmare King thought about it for a minute before deciding it was a fair trade. 

“Fine, if Stupid here can get me a lot of flying atomic bombs and Oomas, at least a hundred of each, he can have my stupid mask. I do not understand these vessel’s obsessions with objects, but-” He was pulled into the portal by Grimm. 

“See, this is the reason I can stand Grimm but not the Stupid King,” Monomon said, “Grimm has morals, the Nightmare King just murders everyone, favors some people, and bombs cities on a weekly basis. Quirrel, stay away from them. I think they’ll try to eat you.” 

“Just so anyone knows, if they can get my arms back right this instant, I have about 23,000 Geo saved up,” Grimmchild told the class, “If everyone is bribing each other now, I’ll join in.” He flew over to Ivy and Zemmoth to rip out their teeth. 

“Well, face, give me, are  _ 3000000000 _ Geo!” shrieked Jake happily, “For 3 face!” 

“What,” said Monomon. 

“One Geo! For a! Call me Ghost! The Knight! ONE GEO!” shrieked SOAP happily, “YSE!!!” 

“No thank you, how about you pay me 3892 Geo so I can call you SOAP?” asked Grimmchild. SOAP shook their head furiously, slapping Grimmchild. “Geez, you’re acting like Dad 1.” 

“If you give me five geo, I’ll eat my foot,” Afro informed Hammer.

“You can’t even reach your mouth with your armssssss, what makesssss you think you can do ssssso with you feet?” Zemmoth asked. Afro shrugged. 

“Wait, wait, wait! Jake, according to you, faces give you like 10000000000 geo each?” Sharpe asked, pointing to Jake’s stinky ugly pimply face. Jake nodded enthusiastically.

“Heck,” Lace muttered, “I could’ve been doing that all this time instead of trying to kill this stupid spider! Who do you work for?” Jake looked at her, confused. 

“nOO?” he replied, “I’m you are buy me faec for 30000000000? You watn face? Can give, but must be 93084902300000000 geo have !!!!” Lace glared at Jake before grumpily kicking him out the window using the Seer’s disembodied foot.

“Well, that certainly wasn’t part of  _ his _ plan,” Trobbio stated as Lace turned around to continue annoying Hontret. 

“I have no idea, but I heard that the Mask Maker pays handsomely for faces if you have any,” Yvette whispered. Finette gasped and ripped off SOAP’s head before trying to run out the door.

“NO!111!!!” screamed Monomon as she picked up Finette and flung her back in, “WHY MUST I SAY THIS SO MUCH?!!?!?! YOU WILL ONLY LEAVE IF IT’S AN EMERGENCY!!!”

“I have a bad case of diarrhea,” Finette said as she held up SOAP’s head, “May I please go to the bathroom?”

“Oh, yeah, since you said PLEASE,” Monomon said before tossing Finette out the window. 

“Copycat,” said Zote, “Abyss, precept one first beta.” Hornet and Lace shrieked with joy and immediately ran over to Zote. They shook Zote so hard that his teeth fell out of his eyes. Grimmchild flew over and picked them up happily. SOAP’s shade ran into Dave, who screamed because he was afraid of ghosts. Cedrin looked at Dave with a confused expression. 

“IIIIIIIIII!!!! TO KILL GHOST BECOME A GHOST!” Dave screeched, ripping his head off and throwing it on the floor. SOAP screamed with joy at being called Ghost instead of SOAP and began tap dancing extremely badly. 

“STOP! OUR LESSON IS NOT DONE YET! THERE’S LIKE THIRTY MINUTES LEFT, WHERE IS THE SEER?!?!” Monomon screeched, plopping Dave’s head back on. The Seer was fast asleep on the floor, drooling so much that there was at least an inch of drool on the classroom floor. Monomon, soon realizing this hopped onto a table, cringing with disgust as the old moth lady’s drool spilled everywhere.

“Poor light, so lonely, so sad, it is memory loss,” the Seer muttered. The Nightmare King rolled his eyes, dropped the trumpet he was carrying on her face and floated away. 

“Dad 2, ironically, is the polar opposite of lonely,” Grimmothy muttered as he ripped out all the Seer’s teeth, resulting in a fountain of spit spraying all over him. Grimmchild’s mouth formed into a toothy grin as he held up one of the only teeth he had found in Hallownest that wasn’t cracked, full of cavities, or rotting and yellow. Instead, it was vibrantly green and sparkled purple if you shone it under blue light. 

“Why are you floating, you absolute weirdo?” asked Grimm, “Walk like a normal stupid moth thing! What is  _ wrong _ with you?” Grimmchild pointed to Grimm, Divine, Brumm, and himself. 

“See, he has like 4 friends! That’s a  _ lot _ of friends! An incredibly large amount!” Grimmchild exclaimed sincerely. 

“I even have a  _ best _ friend,” the Nightmare King said, ignoring Grimm’s protests as he leaned onto his fat stupid head. 

“If I could float, I would do it too,” Cedrin said miserably as the Seer’s drool sprayed all over the classroom, adding another two inches, “We’re all going to drown in Old Lady spit. I hate my life.”

“SO LONELY!!! POOOR LONELY LIGHT!!” sleep babbled the Seer. 

“GET  _ OFF _ ME, YOU CRAZY, FAT THING!” Grimm shrieked, dropping the repaired tubas he was carrying, “OFF! NOW! GET OFF! STOP SITTING ON ME!” 

“I am not sitting on you, I am merely leaning on your head which is a perfect place for me to rest,” the Nightmare King responded, sounding offended. 

“YOU’RE STILL FAT AND HEAVY! GET OFF! MY HEAD HURTS AND YOU’RE NOT HELPING MY HEADACHE! GET OFF! OFF!” The Nightmare King sighed before sliding off of Grimm’s head like a polar bear being eaten by a walrus.

“Wow, that was so beautiful and graceful, 10/10,” said Grimmchild, fake clapping, “I love it so much, wow amazing that was very not floppy so quiet and graceful amazing.” 

“Thank you,” the Nightmare King retorted back with equally as much sarcasm dripping from his voice, if not more. 

“I really see the family resemblance,” Quirrel voiced out loud as he wrote down more stupid notes, “It really is interesting, with all of the students in this school. I wonder, are there any other with fire abilities? Perhaps, but unlikely.”

“ARSON!” shrieked Jake as his head caught on fire from the Nightmare King’s mask. 

“Yo, kid, did you manage to get me my explosives?” the Nightmare King asked. Jake nodded enthusiastically before snatching the Nightmare King’s mask away and throwing a bunch at Oomas at him that somehow did not explode. The Nightmare King snickered before opening a portal and plopping away with his newfound weapons. 

“Pharloom?” Grimmchild suggested, pointing to the Oomas, “Or hatchery so we can get more explosives?” Lace gasped in horror, as did Sharpe and Trobbio. 

“Hatchery, because I want an amount that can last us at least a week before we need to murder somebody again,” Grimm muttered as he too flopped into the portal, “BUT I HAVE CLASSES TO TEACH, SO LATER!” 

“Hooray!” crowed Jake, his face catching on fire as he danced around holding the Nightmare King’s face proudly. 

“Why are you so happy to have Dad 2’s face?” asked Grimmchild, “I don’t see anything amazing about it, why are you so proud? Why?” Jake shrugged. 

“The harder the mask is to get, the more money, I think,” Quirrel muttered to himself, “Gotta visit Mask Maker later. I need to learn more.”

“NOO!!!!” Jake shrieked, “NEVER SELL! MINE! MINE! MINE!!! MIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNEEE!!!” He picked up a chunk of Dave’s head and threw it at Quirrel. 

“Gee, you sound a lot like Dad 2 when he and Dad 1 met,” Grimmothy said as Jake shrieked and fell into the flooded classroom and drowned in the Seer’s spit. 

“The Nightmare King was yelling, ‘MINE! MINE! MINE!’ at Grimm?” Cloth asked. 

“Not exactly what he said, but something along those lines,” Grimmchild replied, “I don’t know, ‘You’re coming with me?’ Something like that. I wasn’t there when it happened, ask him yourself!” 

“I!” Jake shrieked, “AH!” He picked up Quirrel and yelled something about upgraded Oomas. The rest of the students looked nervously as Jake screamed about making explosives to get another limited edition magic Nightmare King mask that was rare or special or something. 

“I’m concerned for my lab and the school, but mostly the lab,” Monomon stated. Koi flopped over and began snoring and rolling all over students. The Seer continued to drool everywhere, her saliva soon going to rise and flood the classroom. Lace shrieked as Hornet threw an Ooma up her nose. 

“Someone should wake up Senile,” muttered Grimmchild. 

“Why does Jake have so much Geo?” Quirrel said, watching as Jake handed Monomon 10000000 Geo for about 200 Oomas. Grimmothy shrugged. 

“Tee hee?” asked SLOP, trying to break the silence. Koi screamed before Dave pushed her into the Seer’s drool, making her drown and die. SOAP turned on everything randomizer or tried to before they were turned into a chair so that they couldn’t turn it on. 

“iIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii,,,,,,,,,” sang Dave. Monomon threw giant rocks at everyone. 

“Alright, fine, if you’re going to be like that, we’ll be writing our notes on these rocks because they are waterproof. I don’t care anymore if you can’t.” 

“Alright, THAT’S IT!” Hornet shrieked. She picked up Lace like a pickaxe and began hitting the Seer on the head, shrieking for her to wake up. Finally, with a last swing with the brute force of a singing marker, the Seer jolted up, saliva dribbling down her face as she blinked groggily. 


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> recess.

“Bleh,” said Zote, drowning and respawning on his desk bench, “Zote.” 

“NOOOOOOOOO!!!” Hornet screeched in anguish, her face crumpling into despair greater than that of a person whose bird tried to steal their pet cucumber even though it was dead and now they couldn’t eat the bird for dinner because it flew out the window even though they lived in a car and the bird was actually just a very tiny pig. 

“I’m made of fish nuggets on toe sauce,” cackled the Pale Lurker, choking on a simple key. Woji was heard screaming as Snej landed straight through the roof on Tiso’s head. Molly followed. 

“Did the lonely sad Light foot wake me up?” the Seer asked groggily as she tipped over and landed in her spit. 

“Mine, NOT YUORS!” screeched Jake, slapping her and running away with the Nightmare King’s mask face. His voidy arm was set on pink fire. The Seer realized whose mask it was and flopped after Jake as swiftly as a dying banana peel in the desert of Bright Pink Frogs. 

“YOU HAVE THE LIGHT’S FACE!” the Seer shrieked, “GIVE IT BACK!”

“And there goes our guest speaker,” Monomon grumbled, “Now get to work, you smelly children, go over your notes or something or help me drain the classroom. How can one single stupid old lady produce so much spit? That shall forever remain a mystery, I suppose.”

“Why do your teeth keep growing out of your eyes?” Grimmchild asked, yanking them out, “It makes no sense at all!” 

“Says the child who is thrown up on a daily basis-” Monomon retorted as Grimmothy morphed into Grimm and threw up another Grimmothy, “Oh, great, you’re here. Help me drain my classroom.”

“No, I need to buy high heels for the Nightmare King,” Grimm snarked before teleporting away. 

“High heels?” Quirrel said, confused, “I thought only Grimm wore high heels? The Nightmare King doesn’t seem like the type to wear high heels?” 

“They both wear high heels, nobody knows why. They just do,” Grimmchild informed him. 

“I am a QUEEN,” the Nightmare King shrieked sassily as he walked down the hall with his 6-inch golden high-heels. 

“You are a King, but alright,” Grimm muttered. 

“I really did not expect that,” said Quirrel. The rest of the class nodded in agreement as the Nightmare King ran around in high heels. 

“HOW ARE YOU HOOLIGANS ABLE TO RUN AROUND IN HIGH HEELS AND I AM NOT???!!!!” Monomon screeched, “I ONCE WORE THEM AND ALMOST SPRAINED MY ANKLES!”

“I’m classy, you’re not, ha ha ha,” the Nightmare King chortled as he flopped around in his ridiculously high high-heels. 

“This is why Monomon hates the Nightmare King,” Quirrel said, “He really pisses her off, the fact he can somehow balance and fit in 6 and higher inch high heels while she can’t fit in 1 inch even though the Nightmare King doesn’t even have feet.” 

“I do not know why,” Grimm said as he flopped after the Nightmare King, “But I guess it just kinda…. Suits me? I don’t know? I don’t find it very hard to wear, but maybe that’s just me.”

“See, they can fit in 1903291 feet tall high heels, nobody knows why. They don’t even have feet!” 

“AHA!” God Tamer exclaimed as the Pale Lurker shoved a block of moldy cheese into Tiso’s nose, “I MIGHT KNOW WHY! Since they don’t have feet, they’re used to having to balance on those weird pencil-tips for legs! THEREFORE, HIGH HEELS ARE NOT A PROBLEM! IF ANYTHING, THEY ARE N IMPROVEMENT!!!!”

“No, you’re stupid,” said the Nightmare King. God Tamer wilted like a baby carrot rotting after being left in someone’s nose for too long. 

“An interesting hypothesis,” Quirrel muttered, “I’ll have to test it out later. Wow, I have a lot of notes, I should really organize some of them.” 

“Zote,” said Zote, “You should get a binder. A waterproof one at that.” Hornet screeched because Zote was speaking normally for once. She picked up an avocado and shoved it up his nose. Zote yelled something about poisonous french fries. 

“Uoijka,” declared Dave, “tbnwlf. OOOPPPPPDQSDQDQDECKCKJJKC???????????”

“NO!” shrieked SOAP.

“You idiots better have written your notes,” Monomon snapped as the Seer waddled out of the classroom, “AND WHY ISN’T THIS SPIT DRAINING??? RADIANCE! PRINCIPAL! IDIOT! WHERE ARE YOU???!!!!” 

“What?” hissed the Radiance, “Why is your classroom covered in drool and spit? Why is the Nightmare King dancing outside your door in high heels instead of doing his job? Why is Grimm dragging a piano through his door? Use a portal!” 

“Ignore those other idiots, I need help with draining my classroom,” Monomon barked as she slapped Dave with her yardstick. The Radiance rolled her eyes before dropping Molly onto Tiso, killing him but creating a fat hole in the middle of the floor. The Seer’s drool dribbled down onto the class below but was soon going to drain into the floor because of how fat Molly was. The Radiance brushed her wings before floating away. 

“You’re WELCOME.”

“HEY!” shrieked Lemm, “Why is there a fat hole? THIS IS THE SECOND TIME THIS WEEK!! I was lucky that nobody was crushed, but still, why the heck is there a fat hole????”

“OH MY GODS,” screeched Rueran, “THERE’S A WATER FOUNTAIN! I’M SO THIRSTY, BLESS WHOEVER MADE THIS!!” He then proceeded to drink the Seer’s saliva that was dripping from Monomon’s classroom. Everyone who knew what it was made a noise of disgust. 

“I’m not telling him,” the Pale Lurker said grumpily as God Tamer threw up. 

“Me neither,” agreed Erith, who cringed with disgust as Rueran continued to drink the Seer’s spit. 

“Well, let’s… Ignore that. Come on, finish your notes, you stupid wads of Ooma dung.” Koi cackled because she had an awesome idea.

“Oomas produce fecal matter?” Quirrel inquired.

“Jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj” whispered Koi, cackling like an angry squid. 

“OoOooOOOOOOoOOOOOOOOO!!!!” Dave shrieked, breaking Koi’s ears. 

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!11!!!!1!1!111!!!!!” screamed SOAP.

“TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!” Moi screeched shrilly. 

“HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!” Koi yelled, making SOAP’s head crack open. 

“I HAVE ARRIVED!” Joth bellowed as he flopped into the stinky classroom, clonking SOAP’s shade on the head with 5904850938509384095 rocks and three benches. Monomon flopped over to him and slapped him with her yardstick. 

“IT IS SCHOOL! GO BACK TO TEACHING GEOLOGY OR SOMETHING, I’M BUSY!” Monomon growled. 

“No, I was summoned, I need something to do.” Monoman rolled her eyes before flopping over to the other end of the classroom and writing a bunch of Essence stuff on the chalkboard. Before she could start another lecture, the bell rang, making everyone’s ears bleed. Hollow tumbled out of the cabinet and ran outside to everyone’s confusion and astonishment. 

“Why has your sibling been in my cupboard for the past three weeks?” Monomon asked, watching Hollow run out of the cabinet, “And who chopped off their arm? Aren’t they supposed to be at their own school? Oh well, anyways, IS ANYONE DONE WITH THE NOTES?” 

“Why is Hollow running, though?” 

“Who cares, ask them later. They’ll answer you. Anyways, are we going to sit here all day, or are you idiots going to get out of my classroom? Go on, the stupid bell rang, and I don’t want to have to deal with you any longer than needed to,” Monomon snapped, petting an Uoma. the students ran out of the classroom, screaming and shoving jars into each other's ears in their wake. Monomon sighed before summoning Snej to clean up her classroom.

“Do you guys think that Herrah will be a better PE teacher than the Nightmare King?” Quirrel asked as he used his pretzel powers to sit on a bench and grab food at the same time. God Tamer scoffed. 

“At this point, anyone would be a better teacher than that cannibalistic nut,” God Tamer muttered as Pale Lurker ate a key from her hand. 

“Well, she’s supposedly a good teacher, but she is constantly sleeping or something, so the Nightmare King is constantly subbing for her,” Cloth replied, “But I do agree with God Tamer. Even though Grimm might be one of my favorite teachers, I cannot say the same for the Nightmare King. Grimm is kinda nice, the Nightmare King is just angry, unless Grimm is there, for some reason.”

“He is definitely a nut,” remarked Hornet, “Look!” She pointed to the crazy pink fiery thing dancing in high heels on Monomon’s head, gloating and screaming. Meanwhile, a burnt, black-ish red, wispy lump sat in the corner, wilted over like a banana stuck in a sock. 

“They’re different, but the same, somewhat,” Quirrel muttered as he scribbled down 50 notes. 

“Have a toothbrush, and use it right!” Grimmchild declared, throwing toothbrushes at everyone and ripping out their teeth. 

“E,” said Jake, picking up a tub of acid and stuffing it down his eye. 

“My…. teeth?” Carrie said matter-of-factly, “These are feet? They are?” Her elbow then flashed bright red before forming into a vibrant purple. 

“NO!” screamed the Chameleon Vessel, their eyes pointing in different directions, “YUO AR NOT ME!!!!! STUPID GOAWAY!!!!!!!!” They then proceeded to turn an eye scorchingly right shade of aggressive pink, blinding everyone in the resting area. 

“I do not know what is happening, nor do I want to know,” Tuk stated as Divine shoved a cursed fruit into SOAP’s nose. 

“I’m a flop,” said Dave, “I’m dieed are like a Grimm has arm leg leg chops off.” 

“How did you know that?” Grimm asked as the Nightmare King fell off Monomon’s head and plopped onto Grimm, crushing him like obese Molly smacking Tiso’s eyeball out of his eye socket. 

“B,” said Dave. Jared nodded and stole the Nightmare King’s high heels. 

“How are you not dead,” said Jake. Grimm shot a confused look at the vessel and then died. Grimmothy morphed into him and threw up another Grimmchild. 

“Don’t sit on me! You know that you’re like 9232 times heavier than me because you always eat like 5 times the amount of lunch I do!” Grimm screeched. 

“I’m not even supposed to be heavy, I’m literally made of Essence,” the Nightmare King said bluntly. Grimm continued to shriek and complain. 

“You still crushed me! Stop sitting on me! Sit on a chair! Like a NORMAL PERSON!” 

“Not my fault that you look like a chair,” the Nightmare King retorted before cackling madly and flopping away to harass more people. Grimm screamed in outrage before running after him. 

“I’m not really sure whether those two hate each other or love each other,” remarked Cloth. 

“How am  _ I _ not dead,” said Hollow, “I should be dead, why am I not dead, when can I be dead, I need to be dead.” They then walked slowly back into a drawer, covered in random chains and things. 

“Har har har, CHAIR,” SOAP snickered, poking Grimm’s stupid crusty arm with a dying twig that they found that was stuck to Moi’s armpit, “YUO AR CHAIR! CHAIR CHAI RHCAIR!!!!!!!!!!!”

“SOAP, SLOP, SOUP, SOP,” Grimm retorted, “You are most definitely SOAP, SLOP, and SOP and SOUP, not Bill, Ghost, the Knight, it’s SOAP. You’re SOAP, SLOP, SOP, SOUP, and whatever stupid names the others call you!” SOAP exploded with anger in a puff of confetti.

“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NOTTTT!!! NOOOOOOOTTTT SOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAPPPPPP!!! NEVER! EVER!!!! NEEEEEEVVEEEEEERRR!!” SOAP shrieked, making Grimm go deaf. 

“SOAP,” Grimm stated, sticking his tongue out at SOAP as they had a fit of seizures and mental breakdowns. 

“Get out,” scolded Unn as she pulled Hollow out of the drawer, “You’re going to break my shovels. Go bother Monomon’s supplies or something!” Hollow shuffled back to somewhere in the school building, wondering if they would ever get their arm back. 

“I need somewhere to sit again,” the Nightmare King stated as Chair and SOAP had a pointless argument. 

“You are SOAP, shut up about me being a chair!” yelled Chair, “I am not a chair! I swear!” He jumped out the window and died, was reincarnated, jumped out again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again. 

“Am I Chairchild?” Grimmothy wondered out loud as Quirrel wrote down 958739475893759837958734985 notes. 

“NO! I AM NOT Chair, and you are NOT Chairchild! You are Grimmchild, and I am Grimm, and we need these two idiots to shut up!” He slapped the Nightmare King, then SOAP then picked up a desk and threw it at SOAP. The Nightmare King chortled like a crazy person because he was a crazy person.

“THIS IS HOW I FEELED WHEN YUO CAL ME SOPA!!!!!!!!!” screeched SOAP angrily. 

“I’m really unsure of whether they hate or love each other,” said Quirrel. 

“Ha ha ha,” the Nightmare King laughed maniacally, “Troupe Master Chair. Chairchild. NIGHTMARE KING CHAIR!!! HAR HAR HAR!!!!!!!”

“I quit!” shrieked Grimm. He ran out of the school, screeching and a sobging. Hollow followed him. Nobody was sure what to do. 

“Welp, there goes one of our best teachers,” said the Radiance, “I need to find someone who can teach like 3 classes while only being paid like 5 Geo an hour. The Nightmare King said nothing as he too ran out of the school to apologize to Chair or something, I don’t know. 

“... So, do we call him Grimm or Chair now?” Quirrel asked. 

“Only I get to call him Chair, all you other idiots call him Grimm,'' the Nightmare King said as he pulled Grimm back into the school. 

“This is so incredibly confusing, twisted, and stupid,” Grimmchild muttered. 

“I AM NOT A CHAIR!!!” screeched Grimm. The Nightmare King muttered some words of apology before hurrying Grimm away so that they could like not have 49084092849032 stupid students watching them discuss about chairs. 

“I like to throw chairs,” stated Marissa. Grimm screeched, slapped her, then ran away to somewhere as the Nightmare King bounded after him. Marissa flapped back to her smelly classroom. 

“Damn,” said Hive Knight, “Couple problems, eh?”

“No, just Grimm problems,” Grimmothy replied as he picked up a chair and tossed it at Quirrel. 

“I HATE YOU ALL!” shrieked Grimm, popping out of a portal, slapping everyone, and disappearing. 

“I HATE YOU ALL TOO!” the Nightmare King screamed before plopping into the portal with Grimm. 

“This is one of the few times that I have no idea what is happening,” Divine said as the Nightmare King picked up Grimm and dragged him into the Nightmare Realm. 

_______________________________________________________

“You hurwted my feewings,” Grimm said. 

“I’m so sowwy,” the Nightmare King told him apologetically,  _ stroking _ Grimm’s crusty as hell face, “I weally am, I nevew meant to hurwt you that way, I was onwy joking. I won’t sit on you fwom now on, alwight?” 

“What the fu **DOMA** ck,” said Grimmchild. 

“Grimmothy!” Grimm exclaimed, “Who taught you such words?!”

“Dad 2, who else? Also, you tend to curse sometimes as well.” Grimm sighed before turning to look at the Nightmare King.

“Yeah, Nightmare King, I accept your apology. However, I do ask you to acknowledge my feelings a little bit more, because being called a Chair isn’t really nice, alright?” Grimm told the Nightmare King, who nodded before stepping away. A Grimmkin was behind them, fangirling for no reason. The Nightmare King then snapped and teleported back into the school along with Grimm. 

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH,” said Hive Knight, “DID YUO KISSSSSS???????????????????????????????????????????????????????”

“NO! SHUT UP!” Grimm slapped Hive Knight and threw him onto the ground, where he squashed Tiso. Tiso screamed as the Pale Lurker shoved a key into his mouth. 

“I’m traumatized,” Grimmothy remarked, shaking his head, “I am never going to spy on them ever again, my nonexistent ears are going to fall off.” 

“I’m scared, what happened?” asked Myla as Millybug turned herself into a cookie again. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” UwUed Grimmchid as Jake ripped his face off. 

“OOOOOHHHHHHH,” Hive Knight said, “DID IT GET STEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMY?????” Koi’s face retracted back into her head as she wrote this. 

“NO! SHUT UP!” shrieked Grimm, throwing Hive Knight out of the school. Hive Knight died 18 times as Grimm hit his head on a table. 

“Oh, goody, did the Nightmare King bribe you with something to get you to rejoin my school?” the Radiance asked, waving around Grimm’s pay, “Because you’re a valuable member of our school, it would be a pity to lose you.”

“Fire Hive Knight,” Grimm replied, “And I would be more than willing to rejoin, even if I only end up with one Geo per hour.” 

“HA!” barked the Nightmare King, “Not too sure about one geo, but Radiance, I still, as you have known, I am requesting for him to have 30 geo per hour. Three times what he used to make.”

The Radiance nodded and flicked Tiso away as he slapped Molly’s tooth off. Grimmchild flew over and ripped Tiso’s teeth out. 

“Oh, no wonder he’s so depressed,” Momonomon muttered, “He barely makes  _ any _ money.” 

“I seriously want to work as a housewife,” Grimm said matter-of-factly. 

“Yes, but if you do, the Nightmare King will probably fry everyone. Also, don’t you like teaching or something?” the Radiance pointed out. Grimm sighed. 

“I just like doing it because I like passing on knowledge, sort of like Monomon,” Grimm replied, “I’m old. Very, very, very old. Not nearly as old as you, but still. I have quite a lot of musical knowledge that would be useful to share, as well as fighting techniques and dancing. So, I might as well pass on that knowledge before I become senile and stuff.”

“Except you’re not going to go senile because I’m with you,” the Nightmare King told Grimm. 

“You’re not even a wife, anyways,” said Grimmchild, “You can’t cook. Or clean. The Nightmare King and Brumm are the ones who can actually do that stuff, you just hate the students.” 

“Hey,” said the Nightmare King, prodding Jake, “Have you figured out how to make an upgraded Ooma thing bomb yet?” Jake whispered something about dried up yams that give you diarrhea. The Nightmare King rolled his eyes before dragging Grimm away to go buy some bombs since they still had like 10 minutes before class. 

“I can cook and clean,” Grimm retorted, “But the Nightmare King does it because I’m usually so tired by the end of the day that I just go into our room and cry.” 

“I once set the kitchen on fire when I tried to cook,” Monomon said matter-of-factly, “And the weirdest part was that I was making sushi, which didn’t require any stoves or ovens. Quirrel witnessed it, he can tell you all about that.” 

“Why are you saying that like it’s a very rare achievement?” the Radiance asked her, “It is rare, but that is not a very good thing to do.” 

“Dad 2 once burnt down all the tents while he was trying to cook tiktik,” Grimmothy offered helpfully. 

“What did I miss? Grimm is the Nightmare King’s wife??????” Hive Knight asked, plopping back into the school as he oozed out of a bench. Grimm slapped him back into the bench.

“Stay in that bench, you disgusting creature,” Grimm retorted before he waddled back to his classroom to reapir instruments with the stupid Nightmare King. 

“He is not my wife, that makes no sense,” the Nightmare King said, setting Tiso on fire out of boredom, “He would technically be my husband, because he is a guy, but we are not married.” He added the last part hurriedly because he did not want to piss off Grimm again. 

“ONE VESSEL PLUS ANOTHER VESSEL IS INCEST!” the Collector yelled. 

“True, but that was information that we really did not need,” Hornet said as the Collector hopped around, shrieking and hooting like a dying seagull. Lace slapped her head with a toothpick, giggling as Honret screamed in anger and plopped around angrily.

“This is not a ship fanfic, so shut up,” said Grimm as Hive Knight opened his mouth to spit out moldy bees. 

“Oh, I forgot to mention,” the Radiance said grumpily, “Parent and Teacher Conference blah blah blah meeting on Saturday. Why are there so many stupid meetings this week? Whatever, the Pale Creature is coming again, and you all have to be here because it’s required and it is not National Pale Thing Avoidance Day, sadly. So, you must be there.” Grimm groaned as he slumped over the stupid Nightmare King’s toes. Unn growled and Monomon fell face-first onto the pavement. Lemm melted and the Collector shoved himself into a jar as Herrah fell asleep again. 

“Can it be  _ International _ Pale King Avoidance Day?” Hollow asked, their face poking out of Monomon’s weird dangerous ingredients cabinet. Monomon screeched angrily about how Hollow was going to explode 28938 times if they kept sitting in there. 

“No, because this time, the stupid meeting is mandatory,” the Radiance said, sighing, “Like, It’s not only going to be the Pale Creature coming to the conference. Herrah is a mother, Grimm and the Nightmare King have a kid, Midwife has a kid, the White Lady has a lot of kids, and I have a Mawlek, which is a lot better than having a stinky child if you ask me. But, as I was saying, the Pale Creature won’t be the only parent there, so no, you must come. Oh yeah, Joth and Monomon. There’s a lot more but I forgot because I don’t care about family ties and all that other silly nonsense.”

“I am a proud father of four,” Joth said happily.

“Woji, Snej, me…. Who’s the fourth kid, though?” Cedrin asked. Dave waddled up to Joth and raised his hand. 

“What, you’re Woji and Snej’s parent?” asked Quirrel, “I thought you were the same age?” 

“Actually, Dad is younger than Snej but older than Woji,” Cedrin muttered, “He likes adopted people for some reason. I’m his only biological son. Dave? Did Father decide to adopt you or something?” Dave nodded enthusiastically. 

“I am toitlet,” Blossom stated as the Nightmare King yammered about how awesome Blossom was for clogging two toilets at the same time. 

“Everyone is adopting vessels?” asked Monomon. 

“I don’t know!” Joth exclaimed, “But Dave is cool, and he’s my son’s friend, and he doesn’t exactly have a good father figure, so I’m going to act as one for him!” 

“BEchneb,” said Dave, skipping around in circles before he fell over onto SOAP’s head, earning him a scream and a pop as SOAP exploded. 

“I am very proud of Brumm and Grimmothy and Blossom,” said the Nightmare King matter-of-factly, “One is going to college to follow his dreams, another is amazing at ripping out teeth and is probably going to be an awesome dentist, and the last one who is not my kid but I’m still proud of her. She can clog 8798798798 toilets at once, whereas I can only clog one!” Blossom nodded happily as she threw up a toilet seat. 

“Cloth is very good at music and has excellent potential in sparring, she could totally do something awesome with those skills,” Grimm told the Radiance. 

“See, they are favoring students,” said Monomon. 

“Like  _ you _ don’t do the same!” replied the Radiance. 

“Many kids here don’t actually have parents, though,” muttered Terzu, “Like me, for example. I just live in a flock of hoppers because I don’t know where my parents went or who they are. Same with Erith. Vespa is technically his mom or something because she’s like the leader of the Hive, meaning that she’ll just pop into a meeting to talk with you guys like that. I bet more than half the school doesn’t have any parents.”

“I WILL ADOPT THEM ALL!” Joth declared, “THEY ARE ALL MY CHILDREN NOW! I CLAIM CUSTODY!”

“Lace is a stinky sister,” Hornet shrieked angrily as Lace screamed and set Honret’s dress on fire with a magnifying glass. 

“Who adopted Lace? Isn’t she from Pharloom or something?” 

“Yes, but Hornet thinks of Lace as a sibling because she hates all her siblings.” 

“I HATE EVERYONE IN GENERAL!” Hornet screamed as she punched Lace’s fat forehead in.

“Wow, sounds a lot like you, Nightmare King, I’m surprised you aren’t favoring her,” Grimm muttered as the bell rang, signifying all the stinky students and teachers that they had to go back to their classes and die. 

“I do like her, but she has no brain,” the Nightmare King said cheerfully as Grimmothy yanked out Jake’s teeth, “Blossom, on the other hand, has a massive brain. Like, it’s so huge, even bigger than mine. She’s a genius.”

“This is some next level favoring,” muttered Monomon, “he’s literally showering his favorites in praise and then giving people he doesn’t care about fireballs and killing them.”

“Your ego is so fat like me,” said FAT.

“And your brane so small lieka me!” screeched PUNY. 

“Why are you constantly giving yourselves names just for the sake of saying things like that?” the Nightmare King snapped, setting them on fire. 

“Ego,” repeated FAT. 

“Brane,” PUNY echoed. 

“That’s rude,” Grimm muttered.

“Grimm said that it’s rude, meaning he must be offended, meaning that I am allowed to chop off these childrens’ limbs,” the Nightmare King concluded as he picked up PUNY and FAT, who were both screeching in terror. 

“That is very twisted logic,” stated Quirrel. Hornet flopped around with Lace, screaming something about how she hated her. 

“I am not going to be late for PE because I want to see Herrah,” Hornet said, “Goodbye, smelly siblings, stupid Lace, and stinky Nightmare Things, I am going to Mom’s class. Farewell.”

“Why is it that the only reason Hornet uses her brain is to try to murder her siblings?” 

“Whjat eez brane.” asked Carrie before getting run over by Molly. 

“Toe, is” said Jared, “best buddy. my He is.”

“I’m,” said Toe, driving a tank engine into the wall. Toe handed Jared a dead rat and started singing in a raspy imitation of Grimm. 

“... How is that scarecrow alive?” Grimm asked as the Nightmare King dragged him back to their classroom. Grimmothy shrugged. 

“Same way how you are alive, I guess,” the Radiance muttered. Grimm shot her a confused look as the students screamed and scrambled about, trying to get to their next classes. 

“Toe, is,” Jared said, “Grermm, and I am the Grightnare Ming Kremm. ME!!!”

“What are you trying to say?” the Nightmare King asked as he ripped off PUNY’s toes one by one. 

“I’m,” said Toe. They handed the Nightmare King a bullet they found in their nose. 

“Oh, why thank you! I do not know what I did to receive such a gift, but your kindness is appreciated nonetheless,” the Nightmare King replied happily. 

“That is a bullet,” said the Radiance. 

“And you are a moth,” Grimm retorted, “Tell us something we don’t know, will you?”

“Hollow flushed themself down the toilet,” Grimmothy told Grimm. Grimm blinked slowly before sighing.

“Well then. That was certainly something I did not know,” he uttered before flopping back into his classroom with the Nightmare King. 


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pe except they don't do anything and the nightmare king is insane

“Mom is asleep?” Hornet wondered. She then spotted Herrah, who was indeed asleep. Honret screamed and picked up Lace, who she then used to shove up Herrah’s nose. Herrah woke up, rubbing her eyes as she blinked tiredly. 

“What’s going on? What time is it?” Herrah asked groggily. 

“PE TIME! WAKE UP!” Hornet screeched, throwing Lace away. Lace retaliated by throwing flies at her. 

“Oh, pardon,” Herrah said sleepily as she rubbed her eyes, “The last class was tiring, and I’m an old woman. Alright, but is everyone here for PE? Are you all equipped properly?”

“YEsyeyrsdahewaerserstfgcgfxdsadfxcvfd,” chimed the stinky stupid 36 smelly wads that were poor excuses for children. Herrah smiled.

“Wonderful, then we shall get right to it. Four laps around the track, I need to see how fast it takes you to run a mile. Come back when you’re done, then we’ll discuss.” Lace flopped over to the track, screeching about how she’ll be the first done. Hornet shrieked back angrily, poking Lace’s eyes with her needle while she flew around, cackling like a witch stuck underneath a broomstick. SOAP fell into a hole in the ground and never came back up. Dave tripped over a bench and was flung across the track while Koi sat in the middle of the floor, drooling as a fly flew around in circles above her head and her brain oozed out of her ears. Moi ate a stick. 

“Zote,” said Zote.

“NOOOOOO!!!” screeched Hornet, hitting Zote and throwing him into a pool, “SPEAK! SPEAK! SPEAK! SPEAK NORMALLY!!!!” 

“I am speed,” Grimmothy said as he zoomed around the track, going faster than both Hornet and Lace, who were screaming angrily. Erith flew into a wall that appeared out of nowhere as Koi was run over by Terzu and Deduline, who were snorting a jar of what seemed to be chalk dust.

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“Drugs are bad for you,” said Grimm as he jumped out a window. 

“Are you smoking?” asked FAT.

“I am not smoking, but if you mean literally, then yes, there is smoke coming off of me because I accidentally set myself on fire,” Grimm replied. The Nightmare King flopped over to Grimm and caught him before flopping back into the stinky school. 

“I’m a train track,” said Dave as he was run over by Toe, who was still driving a full tank. 

“I will rip your spine out of your mouth and shove it back into your body through your butt if you do not stop trying to kill yourself,” the Nightmare King told Grimm, who shivered. 

“How does that scarecrow drive a tank,” said Quirrel. 

“I wonder if I can hire that thing to shoot down a building,” the Nightmare King wondered aloud, watching the crazy students do weird random things that involved random violence. 

“I yam faster than all of you !” Grimmothy exclaimed, “I finished all my laps already, you losers!” Hornet shrieked angrily before flopping around the track faster. 

Jared screeched and sat on Toe’s tank, running over the other students with Toe. 

“You aren’t even in PE, you’re in Austin’s class with Sheo,” Grimm retorted as the Nightmare King waved around someone’s ripped out spine threateningly. 

“TANK!” Jared continued to shriek, running over SOAP. SOAP respawned before running over to Jared and screaming angrily, setting their face on fire. Grimm looked tempted to do so as well, but the Nightmare King grabbed his chin and forced him to look at the bloody, lumpy, flesh-covered spine that he was holding. Grimm sighed. 

“This is such a lively class,” Herrah said, half asleep, “They are such good friends.” She fell asleep as the children screamed and ran over each other. The Nightmare King continued waving around his fresh, pretty, adorable new pet spine. 

“Would you please put that away?” Grimm asked, shuffling uncomfortably, “Either eat your food or save it for later, it’s kind of weird to play with your meals.”

“But it’s  _ adorable _ !” the Nightmare King protested, “Look at it!” He shook the spine around, causing several students to scream and fall over as disgusting lumps of flesh and blood dripped and plopped from the spine. 

“I think you need your eyes tested,” muttered Grimm. 

“ _ You _ need your eyes tested! You thought that Grimmothy’s homework said to calculate how many single parents the apple farmer tried to massacre in one century!” 

“Well, in my defense, I was reading about Divine’s past earlier, so not my fault! Now put away that spine, you’re spraying bloody bits everywhere, and it’s getting my cloak dirty!”

  
  


“You have such a delightful family,” Quirrel told Grimmchild as the Nightmare King sighed and stuck the spine in his pocket. 

“Nightmare King x Random Spine that he somehow got canon??????????” Koi exclaimed, drawing fanart of spines and stuff. 

“No,” said Moi, “Spine is the new pet, not ship.” The spine chirped happily and slithered out of the Nightmare King’s cloak, squeaking as it inched across the floor like a demented worm. Trails of blood and bits of flesh were left in its wake as the Nightmare King looked at it curiously.

“Well, though I do like my new pet spine, I must say that I already have somebody in mind who I like,” the Nightmare King said, leaning over to look at Grimm, who sighed. 

“Why is that spine alive?” Quirrel muttered, “How is that spine alive? Oh well, I shall take notes, since I am almost done doing my laps!” 

“Give me back my spine, please,” said Hollow, “If I don’t get my back, I would at least like my other arm back.” 

“Ooohhhh, ew,” Bretta whined as she watched the spine inch towards Hollow, “What is wrong with you guys? Nightmare King, Grimm, Hollow? What the heck? Eeeeewwwwwwwwwww……” 

“How is Hollow not chopped in half?” asked Quirrel. 

“Oh, I thought you were dead, my apologies,” the Nightmare King said as he picked up the spine and gave it back to Hollow, who accepted it graciously before walking away to look for a nurse.

“What the fu **SHAW** ck just happened,” said Grimmothy. Grimm shrugged as Hollow crawled away to the nurse’s office, holding their spine in their arm. 

“Grimm, can I have your spine?” the Nightmare King asked.

“No! Why- no, just no. Go rip out some annoying kids’ spine or something, not mine!” Grimm exclaimed, backing away from the Nightmare King. 

“Your family is very charming,” stated Lace sarcastically as she was pelted with Oomas. 

“I’m sure yours is SO much better,” Grimothy retorted.

“HA HA!” shrieked Dave suddenly, “JOTH IS RELATED TO PALE THING! BECUASE THEY ARE BOF DADS MINE! WHAT IS!!! HAPENING!!!” 

“Joth is the ruler of Hallownest?” Quirrel asked, confused.

“Actually, I would prefer that a whole bunch rather than our current ruler,” Clover muttered.

“What is Dave actually trying to say?” Quirrel poked Dave, who said, 

“ARE! PALE THING MY DADE! ARE THE JOTH DADE NOW TO! SO BOF! RELATE! ARE BOTH!!!!!!!!” Dave shrieked. 

“JOTH X PAL-” Hive Knight screeched before being flung out of the school again.

“Oh my Nightmare God, that is a disgusting ship,” Grimm said, cringing, “Also, isn’t Joth straight? And aren’t I asexual? And the Pale Creature already has like 50 mates, he doesn’t need more.”

“Do not the ship,” Moi told Hive Knight before sacrificing him in an attempt to summon the Silksong release date. It didn’t work, so she threw him into the Desert of Bright Pink Frogs, where the frogs devoured him alive. The Nightmare King floated over and ripped out Hive Knight’s spine before floating away with his newfound plaything. He slid over to Grimm and waved the spine around in his face, hemolymph flopping all over the place as Grimm lowered the Nightmare King’s hand away from his mask.

“Why does the Nightmare King love spines so much?” Ivy asked Grimmothy, who was watching the weird spine squirm and screech about weird ships. 

“I like any mutilated body parts,” the Nightmare King replied happily. Grimm tried and failed to walk away from the Nightmare King, who was wrapped around him like a stupid snake. 

“Your fathers get increasingly weirder each day,” Quirrel decided. 

“Do you know where my arm went?” Hollow asked tiredly, “Since you like body parts so much? Did you eat it? Can you regurgitate it back up? I need my arm.”

“Oh, I didn’t eat it, I gave it to the Radiance,” the Nightmare King responded as Grimm tried to pry the Nightmare King off of him, “She wanted a playtoy for Molly or something, and Grimm got an extra 10 geo raise. You’re welcome, by the way.” He smiled at Grimm, who sighed in defeat as the stupid spine flopped around, dripping bits of flesh and hemolymph everywhere. 

“I do not want that thing, put it back where it came from!” Grimm snapped, “Unlike you, I do not like mutilated body parts from people I don’t like!” The Nightmare King sighed and shoved the spine back down Hive Knight’s throat. 

“Alright, but I want another spine or another mangled body part,” the Nightmare King said slyly, “So, what do you propose?” Grimm rolled his eyes before severing his left arm and tossing it at the Nightmare King, who caught it happily. 

“What.” For once, Quirrel’s brain had reached a dead end as he watched Grimm regrow his arm while the Nightmare King enthusiastically waved Grimm’s ripped-off arm. 

“What is with him and ripped off limbs?” Cloth asked Grimmchild, who shrugged. 

“I guess he just likes them. Like I like teeth. Runs in the family, I guess.” 

“But  _ Grimm _ doesn’t have a weird thing for random ripped-out body parts!” 

“That’s because he isn’t genetically related to Dad 2, who is the one with violent genes.” Quirrel continued to be confused about the Nightmare King and Grimm, even though he himself was just as weird at the moment, his legs in a weird rope knot on the bench, dragging on the floor. 

“Well, that is weird, are you idiots going to do PE, or whatever stupid other things you’re supposed to do?” the Radiance snapped. Toe rolled over in the tank and handed her a hand grenade. She stared at the grenade. 

“What am I supposed to do with this?” 

“If you don’t want it, I’ll be happy to take it,” offered the Nightmare King, grinning like a demented cauliflower in somebody’s tomato juice. The Radiance shook her head. 

“No! Not  _ you _ ! You’re just going to break the school and eat students!” she yelled, glaring at the Nightmare King, “I’m throwing this thing at the White Palace!” The Nightmare King rolled his eyes and went off to terrorize the students. 

“UwU,” said Toe. 

“Stop handing weapons to random members of the staff!” the Radiance scolded. Toe ran away in the tank, Jared running after and screaming about the Mightnare Ging. Herrah was heard snoring, but that noise was drowned out by the sounds of screaming, fighting children that were trying to murder each other. The Nightmare King cackled as he set some children on fire. 

“I’M FACE!” Jake shrieked, climbing onto the Nightmare King and attempting to yank the mask off. He was flicked away and landed on Herrah’s face. He squeaked with glee and pulled off her face. 

“What are you even going to do with my stupid arm?” Grimm exclaimed as the Nightmare King waved it around like a little boy shoving a stick up his nose, “You’re not even eating it or anything! You’re just waving it around and getting hemolymph everywhere and annoying everyone!” 

“I’m going to wave it around more. It’s a very obvious answer, is it not?” the Nightmare King replied, waving the arm. A finger fell off and landed on Grimm’s head. Grimm cringed with disgust. 

“Why are you disgusted? It’s your own finger, Grimm! It’s not even moldy or anything!” The Nightmare King began flicking random bits of arm everywhere. Jake screamed as an Ooma thrown by Hornet barreled into him, causing him to roll over into the Nightmare King’s face and explode. 

“I’m not going to question anything anymore,” Cloth muttered as Molly ran up Tiso’s ear and ate his eyeball.

“You should, questioning stuff is an important part of life! It’s part of the learning process,” Quirrel exclaimed as he scribbled down 5039285 notes, “Now, Nightmare King, why are you so obsessed with ripped-out body parts, Grimm’s in particular?” 

“Do not rip out my arm, I will rip out your head if you rip out my arm again,” Grimm warned the Nightmare King, who was still happily waving the severed arm around. The Nightmare King shrugged. Quirrel looked in confusion at the two before heading back to the now deserted PE field, finding out that all the other students were gawking at an extremely fat beetle passing by. 

“It’s alright, I already have one arm! But I still would like to have another 38 arms, maybe more, since you can regenerate or respawn!” the Nightmare King said cheerfully, still waving the arm around.

“I still don’t like you ripping off my limbs!” Grimm shrieked, slapping the Nightmare King. 

“What about me ripping out one limb?” 

“NO!!!!!” Quirrel started scribbling random notes. 

“Bretta,” said Bretta. 

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“They are copying each other,” whispered Grimmchild. 

“The disease has spread,” Cloth announced mournfully, “Cloth.”

“Bretta,” said Bretta. A beetle walked past her, commented on how weird and beady her legs were, then walked away like an extremely morbidly obese beetle that was definitely not Molly with a dead thing on her face walking away. 

“Hey, where did Molly go? I swear she was on Tiso just a few moments ago,” God Tamer muttered. Suddenly, as if the almighty, obese, stinky pet had been summoned from the Radiance herself, Molly the Fat Mawlek fell from the heavens and landed on Tiso, crushing and killing him as well as creating a huge crater in the middle of the track.

“I, like,” said Hammer as the Pale Lurker pulled a key out of her nose and threw it at Molly. 

“Get your own arm!” Grimm shrieked, “Don’t take it from me, go away, you crazy lunatic!”

“But I like your arm,” the Nightmare King said sadly as Grimm threw a rock into his eye. 

“Ztoe,” said Zote. Hornet gasped and rolled up to him with Lace, who flopped over as well.

“SpeEk difrent wURdS???” Hornet asked, “dID THE?????”

“YUH HUH,” Lace replied as drool dribbled down her mouth and trickled into a small puddle of saliva. 

“You already have my arm! Go away!” shrieked Grimm, running from the Nightmare King, who was running after him and waving his arm around. 

“Oh, get a room,” Hive Knight said, oozing out of a bench as an apple fell into his eye and was absorbed into his pupil with a slurping noise. Quirrel cringed in distaste. 

“I DO NOT WANT MY LIMBS TO BE RIPPED OFF!” Grimm screeched as he fell off the school building and flopped away into Greenpath. The Nightmare King followed him, still waving around Grimm’s stupid arm that was ripped out like 2 pages ago. 

“How dioed hes arme laste sow looooong,” said SOAP, “The are the the the!” 

“What,” said Cloth. 

“You mean, why didn’t the Nightmare King eat it?” Quirrel tried to translate. SOAP nodded vigorously, throwing a yam at Hornet. Hornet shrieked, shoving the yam into Zote’s eye. 

“Etoz,” said Zote.

“How am I supposed to know?” Cloth exclaimed, “Go ask him yourself! And we aren’t doing anything, Herrah is asleep! Is everyone even done with their stupid laps?”

“G,” replied Terzu, “I’m almost done.” 

“Two,” stated Blossom. Cloth stared at her, then went back to staring at the extremely fat bugs that were passing by the school. 

“Does that mean, ‘Me too,’ or ‘Two more laps?’” Quirrel asked, sitting down. 

“Mother you need to wake up the idiots are shoving jars of caterpillars up their noses again,” Hornet whispered urgently to Herrah, who was snoring louder than the whole of Deepnest combined. Herrah mumbled something before getting up, turning around, and going to sleep on a bench. 

“B,” said Grimmchild, showing off the vibrant purple tooth he was holding up, with green dents on the bottom. Hornet gasped at the beauty of the tooth, and then shoved a rock down Zote’s throat in an attempt to make him say something interesting. 

“That is such a beautiful,” Severin exclaimed, observing the shiny purple tooth, “Where did you get it from!”

“The Seer,” Grimmothy told her proudly as he held up the stupid vibrantly colored tooth, “While she was snoring away, I found this tooth inside of her mouth! I really hit the jackpot this time, but I really hope that Dad 1 doesn’t find it and toss it out.” 

“Can  _ I _ have the tooth?” Bretta asked, reaching out for the purple tooth. Grimmothy slapped her away from him and flew higher. 

“No!” Grimmothy exclaimed, “It’s mine and I found it, get your own tooth!” 

“Blue tooth,” said Zote. He opened his mouth and, to much of his classmates’ astonishment, he did in fact have a single blue tooth among the rows of his cracked, cavity-filled, yellow, stained teeth. 

“Beautiful!” screeched Bretta, picking up Zote and putting him on a holy smelly cup thing. 

“HE SPEAKS!!!” Hornet and Lace shrieked while slapping each other, running over and strangling Zote in an attempt to make him say more. Grimmothy screeched and flopped over to Zote before yanking out his blue tooth and flopping away.

“HEY!” Bretta shrieked, running after Grimmchild. 

“Blue tooth !” Zote wailed pitifully, falling on his face. Hornet and Lace screeched out in anger before chasing after Grimmchild along with Bretta and Zote, who were yelling about bright blue teeth. Grimmchild cackled evilly as he flew into a pole. 

“FINDERS KEEPERS, LOSERS WEEPERS!!” Grimmothy yelled, narrowly avoiding Hornet, who almost barreled into the pole along with him before he flew away with the tooth again. Zote threw a boot at Grimmothy but missed because he had terrible aim. 

“Why is this school so full of crackheads?” asked Grimm, watching the idiotic students scream about blue teeth and purple teeth. Grimmothy flew into his eye, ripped out his bright pink tooth, then flew away, shrieking as SOAP slapped him with a wad of dirt. 

“What the hey,” Grimm muttered as the Nightmare King yanked Grimm’s tooth from Grimmothy and shoved it back into Grimm’s eye. 

“BLUE TOOOTH! ! !” Zote screamed as miserably as a dying camel in the Arctic. 

“Wow, you kids are so awesome that you guys are doing extra workouts!” Herrah said groggily, “See, you others should be following Grimmchild, Zote, Hornet, Beretta, and Lace. They’re being so good right now by doing extra work.” She then promptly flopped over and fell back asleep. 

“Hello,” said Toe, running over Dave with the weird tank they were driving. Grimmothy gasped, noticing the teeth that had been pushed out of Dave’s crushed head. One of them had a plant growing on it. He hastily picked up the tooth before floating away again as an angry mob of bugs chased after him, wanting Zote’s blue tooth back. 

“GIVE IT BACK! GIVE ZOTE’S TOOTH BACK!!!!” Bretta screeched, “IT WASN’T EVEN YOURS TO BEGIN WITH, YOU CRAZY MOTH-DEMON-FIRE-SPIDER-BAT-BUG CREATURE!!!!!!!1!!!”

“I feel offended, that is exactly what I am, apart from the fact that I have a weird doppelganger in my head,” Grimm stated. Grimmothy ran into his leg and flopped around in confusion before flying away again, giggling and cackling about he had a tooth and the bugs in the crowd didn’t. Grimm sighed and yanked Grimmothy back by his tail before prying Zote’s stupid blue tooth out of Grimmothy’s mouth. 

“They are such wonderful students,” muttered Herrah, half asleep. 

“Get a new hobby or something, stop ripping out teeth,” Grimm said tiredly before tossing Zote’s blue tooth into Bretta’s nostril. The Nightmare King was still waving around Grimm’s severed arm happily. 

“NOOOOOOOOOO!” screeched Grimmchild, throwing up fire on Bretta’s head, “MY BLUE TOOTH! I’LL GET YOU!” 

“Ooh, a blue tooth, haven’t seen one of those in a long while,” the Nightmare King muttered before smacking Grimm with his own mutilated arm. Grimm made a noise of disgust before pushing the stupid arm out of his face and slapping the Nightmare King. 

“TOOTH !” screamed Zote, “TOOOTH !” He reached out into the air, waving around his arms. Bretta handed it to him, squealing about how amazing Zote was. Hornet grabbed the tooth, screaming about how he would talk more if the tooth was gone. 

“MINE!” shrieked Grimmothy as he snatched the tooth from Hornet’s moldy, crusty, dirt-covered fingers, “MY TOOTH! NOT ANY OF YOURS!  _ MINE! _ !!!!!” 

“I’m assuming that’s another trait he picked up from the Nightmare King,” Quirrel muttered as he scribbled down stupid stinky notes on SOAP’s forehead because he ran out of paper and notebooks. 

“Not! SoAP !” SLOP yelled, poking Quirrel with their nail. 

“I am not calling you SOAP! I am just using your forehead to write notes because Deduline ate my notebooks!” 

“NOOOOOOOOT SLOP!” 

“I am still not calling you SLOP! I am just writing on your forehead!” 

“If I’ve ever thought Quirrel was not a crackhead as well, I take it back,” Grimm told the Nightmare King, who nodded and clapped for no actual reason. 

“This is why I wanted a break,” Brumm said as he tripped over his accordion.

“You alright?” Grimm asked.

“...Yeah.”

“That’s wonderful,” said Grimmchild, “You brushed your teeth! Now I can rip them out !” Not waiting for an answer, he flopped up to Brumm and proceeded to yank out his teeth that were considerably not yellow or cracked, but instead a pristine white color. 

“Dude, did you bleach your teeth or something?” Grimmothy asked before floating away, cackling as Grimm hopped up and down angrily, shrieking about how he needed to stop ripping out teeth and the Nightmare King needed to stop tossing around random body parts. Brumm sighed before walking away to go sleep in the tent or something because he was tired. 

“Your genepool is stupid!” Grimm yelled, “Grimmothy keeps ripping out things, no matter how many there are, and  _ you’re _ even worse! Arms and legs! Seriously?!” The Nightmare King shrugged and returned to terrorizing passerby with the severed arm. 

“I am slowly going insane,” Brumm muttered as Grimm kicked his own face because he forgot that he was flexible even though he’s a 700 year old man. 

“Me too ! That is so fun !” exclaimed Hornet, trying to start a conversation out of boredom. Brumm looked at her with an extremely confused expression. 

“HA HA! YUO ARE STNIKY DUM!!!!!! VERY DUM, YOU!!! HA HA HA!!!” Lace said, laughing maniacally before Hornet screeched out in anger and plopped a cursed fruit into Lace’s forehead. 

“Plap,” stated Jake, pulling off Lace’s hat, which spewed out butterflies. 

“Are,” announced Zote, cradling his precious blue tooth, “Tooth. Back, yay.”

“HA! IT’S FAKE!” cackled Grimmothy, holding up the shining, cracked real blue tooth, “THAT IS JUST A PAINTED ROCK!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Zote let out a shriek of anguish, for he had just been tricked, backstabbed, and undoubtedly bamboozled. Grimmothy laughed crazily, but the smile was soon wiped off his face as Grimm waddled over and stuck his hand into Grimmothy’s mouth, fishing around for the real blue tooth. 

“Where?” Grimm asked tiredly. Grimmothy shook his head. Sighing, Grimm turned to the Nightmare King. 

“Compartment four, a little to the left, right next to the AK-47, and directly beneath the Primal Aspids,” the Nightmar King replied, not looking up from the stupid bloody arm that he was holding, “You’re welcome.” Grimm let out a small noise of happiness as he fished out the blue tooth before tossing it to Zote, who thanked him profusely. 

“Teeth are majestic and glorious and I will rip them out of everyone’s mouths!” Grimmchild declared, screaming and throwing a high heel at Grimm. The high heel hit Grimm’s face with a hollow thud before Grimmothy flew into a pole again and fell onto the ground. The Nightmare King continued to laugh and giggle at the arm, with who he seemed to be having a conversation. 

“Hello, I am a,” said Jake, handing an exploding Uumuu to the Nightmare King and beginning to yell about the face, please. 

“Oh, I am doing fine, how about you?” the Nightmare King asked the arm, which did not say anything back because it was an arm, “Wow! That is so amazing, I myself have done that before, but with a lot of fire and explosives, of course. Oh, my day? It’s been quite good actually. You see-”

“I can’t believe that you’re a god, you’re obviously insane,” muttered Grimm. 

“Shut up, I’m trying to have a conversation with this gentleman right here, as you can see,” the Nightmare King snapped before resuming his one-sided conversation with Grimm’s mutilated arm. Grimm facepalmed. 

“My arm cannot talk, you are obviously insane!” Grimm screeched. The Nightmare King looked at him with a hurt expression. 

“Is it so hard to  _ believe _ , Grimm?” the Nightmare King asked pointedly as Grimm glared at him. 

“His majesty is off his rocker, and Master has already been for the past 600 years,” Brumm muttered, “I am the only sane one. Divine is a complete nut, the Child won’t stop ripping out teeth, and the Grimmkin enjoy tossing shoes at people for no actual reason. Only I have my mental health intact, which is diminishing as we speak.”

“I can tell,” Hornet said matter-of-factly, “You are talking to yourself, which really does signify that even you aren’t that mentally stable after all.”

“THAT IS VERY RUDE, BRUMM!” shrieked Grimm, “TAKE IT BACK! I’M THE ONE WHO ADOPTED YOU!!!!” Brumm sighed.

“I take it back, you are all mental and so am I.” The Nightmare King giggled and began talking to the arm again, which he then used his own voice as a response. Grimm screeched in anger as Brumm played ‘I Need a Raise’ on his accordion. 

“Oh, so once, Grimm actually DID trip and fall into his face. No, wait, scratch that, many times over. How about you?” the Nightmare King asked, before speaking and a squeaky voice that one could only process to supposedly be the arm’s voice, “Oh, I saw that MANY times, especially since I’M the one who’s his arm! I guess it does come in HAND-y to be attached to Grimm, after all!” The Nightmare King then proceeded to howl and hoot out laughter, cackling madly as if it was the funniest joke in the world. 

“What a sad, sad, lonely man,” Bretta muttered as the Nightmare King continued to bark out in fits of hysteria. 

“The Nightmare King is even more insane than Grimm, Mhrm,” Brumm stated. 

“I am not insane! I am just mentally screaming because the Nightmare King is insane!” Grimm ran away, screeching about crazy doppelgangers. 

“Me too,” said Hornet, still trying to initiate a conversation. 

“Your attempts are futile and your brain has melted into a puddle of mushy bile,” Lace stated grumpily as she poked Honret’s eyes. 

“Blue tooth!” screamed Zote happily. 

“Oh, pardon me, my other half has run away. Please excuse me for a moment,” the Nightmare King said to the arm before running after Grimm, screaming and waving around the arm. 

“I WANT TO TALK TO THE ARM!” Grimmothy exclaimed, “DAD 2, I WANNA! I WNAT TO SPEAK TO HIM! GIVE HIM TO ME!!!!!”

“Hello, I am Toe,” said Toe, driving a tank over Grimm, Jake screaming, hooting, and cheering things like ‘Headshot’ and ‘FacE’. Jared shrieked and fell off the tank, getting crushed underneath it like a bag of chips placed on top of a stinky bird. The Nightmare King flipped over the tank and slid Grimm out from underneath. 

“Hello,” the Nightmare King said to Grimm, who glared at him angrily, “It seems as if you are trying to escape my wrath, which we all know is completely impossible. Consider joining your arm and me for a talk later, it might lighten your mood.”

“No, you are a complete nut! I have no idea why I ever agreed to be stuck with you for eternity like this!” shrieked Grimm, running away from the crazy arm Nightmare King. The Nightmare King shrugged before walking away and giggling at the arm again. Grimmothy flopped over to the Nightmare King, for he also wanted to know why the arm was so interesting. Herrah was still asleep and the children were still screaming and having seizures.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the nightmare king is crazy x2 aaaaaaaand everyone is deaf

“Do you have any work or something like a job that you do?” the Nightmare King asked the arm before responding to himself as the arm, “Eh, no, I used to work as Grimm’s left arm, but then he fired me. And… well, here I am now.” 

Grimmothy gasped. 

“Why did he fire you? I thought Dad 1 would be a good boss, considering how he takes care of us all!” The Nightmare King shook the arm. 

“Yeah, he does, but the Nightmare King asked him to give me to him or something, so that’s why I was fired,” the “Arm’s voice” replied. The Nightmare King nodded. 

“OH MY NIGHTMARE KING,” yelled Grimm, screaming from the other side of the yard, “WHY DID I AGREE TO GIVE HIM THE STUPID ARM! THIS IS SPEEDING UP EVERYONE’S BRAIN ROT!” 

“Not mine,” said Hollow, “I do not have a brain. No brain to rot. The only nothing I have that I’m supposed to not have.” 

“That sounds rather worrying, perhaps you should go to a doctor and have that checked out,” the “arm” said to Hollow as the Nightmare King and Grimmothy nodded in agreement.

“No, this is the only thing I was supposed to have that I do have, I don’t want to mess myself up even worse.” 

“ _ Everyone _ here is twenty times more mental than me!” shrieked Grimm, running out of the school and tripping on Infection. The Nightmare King snapped and teleported him back into the school before tying him up with his stupid cloak tendrils and plopping him onto a rock. Grimm struggled, wiggling around angrily as he glared daggers at the Nightmare King.

“UNHAND ME, YOU VILE CREATURE! IMPUDENT FIEND! YOU STINKY KINGSOUL!” Grimm hollered as the Nightmare King tied him to a rock. 

“I wonder if I can buy my arm back if I get a job?” Hollow wondered aloud, absentmindedly. 

“No,” said the Radiance. 

“Grimm, be a good servant and shut up,” the Nightmare King said as he wrapped his cloak tendril around Grimm’s mouth, “I am TRYING to have a civil conversation with your ripped off arm, but it’s quite hard when you keep running off like this.”

“I AM NOT YOUR SERVANT! YOU ARE MENTAL!” shrieked Grimm, still struggling and screaming, “YOU ARE CRAZY! AND THIS MOOD SWING IS EVEN WORSE THAN MY MOOD SWINGS! STOP THIS AND GET RID OF THAT SEVERED ARM!” 

“Don’t worry, I’m not favoring your arm over you, you’re still my number one,” the Nightmare King said to Grimm, who glared at him.

“THAT IS NOT WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT! YOU’RE GOING COMPLETELY CRAZY EVEN THOUGH YOU ALREADY ARE CRAZY!!! WHY IS GRIMMOTHY TALKING TO THE ARM???!!”

“I see no harm in speaking to your severed limb?” the Nightmare King said confusedly as Grimmothy giggled at the arm. 

“Go teach your classes, you two idiots,” the Radiance snapped, slapping Grimm off the rock. Hollow crawled back into the drawer while the Nightmare King continued to scream random things at the mutilated arm, waving it around. 

“MAKE THIS IDIOT SToP TALKING TO THIS ARM! I CAN’T TEACH WITH HIM MUTTERING MORE INSANELY THAN THE SEER!” Grimm hollered. Grimmothy started ripping out his teeth, which he then offered to the mutilated arm. The Nightmare King yanked Grimm’s teeth back and shoved it into Grimm’s eyes before ripping out Zote’s blue tooth and giving it to Grimmothy, who offered it to the arm. The arm, of course, being an arm, did not respond nor move. 

“Noooo ! Blue tooth ! !” Zote cried, screaming. Bretta gasped. 

“GIVE HIM BACK HIS TOOOOOTH!” 

“No!” Grimmothy stuck out his black, charred tongue. Brumm sighed before waddling up to the Nightmare King, who was still babbling away to the arm about how awesome roasted children were. Clearing his throat, he waited for the Nightmare King to swerve his attention to him. 

“Nightmare King, your Majesty, Second Father of mine,” Brumm said, “You are talking to a maimed arm.” The Nightmare King looked at him incredulously.

“I am quite aware,” the Nightmare King responded, confused. Brumm sucked in a deep breath. 

“And Grimm thinks that you are crazy.”

“Oh, doesn’t he always?” the Nightmare King said dismissively as Brumm sighed. He gave up and picked up his accordion before walking away as the Nightmare King continued to chatter on and on with the arm. Zote and Bretta were running after Grimmothy, who was juggling Zote’s stupid blue tooth. 

“YOU CANNOT BEAT ME!” Grimmchild yodeled, flying into the sky with the tooth. 

“NOOOOOOOOO !” wailed Zote. Bretta threw a book at him, and he turned into Salubra Zoteling, who flew after Grimmothy. Hornet gasped before chasing after Zote, screaming and tossing Oomas up in the sky as Lace tripped over Honret’s stinky head. Flies tumbled out of her eye sockets and she landed onto Bretta, who immediately began screaming in terror. 

“Everyone is mental,” Grimm muttered as Quirrel wrote down notes on his foot because there was no more paper. Herrah snored loudly as the Seer popped out of nowhere and began screaming about light and whatnot. 

“Why yes, I do think that pickled child soup is good, you are much more reasonable than Grimm,” muttered the Niughtmare Keuing to the arm. Grinning, he continued his weird senile chuckling and screaming with the arm. Grimm slammed his face on the ground. 

“I am having a seizure,” said Jared, “I am the Mighnare Ging! I tlak two arm!” 

“Why yes, I  _ do _ think you should have a friend! Sadly, Grimm refuses to give me another arm, which is very,  _ very _ terrible! I think I am going to-” 

“StOP THAT!” shrieked Grimm, throwing a rock at the arm and crushing it, “Oh, finally, it’s over!” The Nightmare King sighed. 

“Can I have your spine, then?” 

“NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!” 

“I have an idea, how about the Nightmare King talks to Grimm like a NORMAL person so that Grimm doesn’t have to tolerate the Nightmare King babbling away at a random body part for no reason?” Brumm suggested. 

Grimmothy gasped. 

“THat is SUCH an amazing idea! Why didn’t you THINK of that, DAD 2?” 

“Every time I try to interact with Grimm, he skitters away and turns into a spider,” the Nightmare King said sadly, “Life is so hard when the only person who listens to you is also the only one who loathes you.” Grimm ran into a door that was in the middle of the track for some reason even though they were like 200 feet away from the closest building. 

“I loathe you,” the Radiance offered, “But I don’t give two hoots about what you need or want, so don’t talk to me.”

“If it makes you stop talking to random objects and to yourself, then fine, babble away,” Grimm said tiredly. The Nightmare King grinned at him toothily before flopping over to Grimm and blabbering about child soup, stupid children, awesome music skills, and teeth. Grimm listened, sighing occasionally. 

“I HAVE A BLUE TOOOTH!!!!!” sang Grimmothy, throwing green chunks of random crusty things he found on a rock at Zote. Bretta winced as a disgusting crusty thing hit Zote’s arm. Zote began having a stroke, rolling around on the floor and screaming as Grimmothy cackled. Honret and Lace gasped because Zote was saying something other than ‘Zote’ for once. 

“Your voice makes me want to jump into a river and never emerge,” Grimm said grumpily to the Nightmare King. 

“See, this is why I talk to body parts instead of normal bugs,” the Nightmare King retorted, “I can make the objects say whatever I want whereas bugs like you are always berating me and groaning about how insane I am or something, even though you all clearly aren’t very stable yourselves. Is it too much to ask for a little something called ‘Escapism?’ Yes, it is. Now shut up before I take over your mind and make you say what I want you to say.”

“This man is definitely more insane and evil than me,” the Radiance decided. 

“The Nightmare King can take over Grimm’s mind? Since when?” Quirrel screeched in confusion, “CAN HE DO THAT TO ALL OF US LIKE THE RADIANCE?????” 

“No, only the ones in my kingdom,” the Nightmare King retorted before snapping and smiling slyly, “Watch this.” Grimm’s eyes turned stupid bright red and he clutched his hands against his horns, trembling as he tried and failed to get the Nightmare King out. 

“Uh oh,” said Grimmothy, “This is not going to end well.” The Radiance muttered something about dysfunctional creations. 

“I love the Nightmare King, he is my light and everything. He is so awesome and amazing, and I would do anything for him,” Grimm said happily, in his voice that was his voice but also not his voice at the same time. He then immediately snapped out of the trance and slapped the Nightmare King, screaming and shrieking as the Nightmare King cackled evilly. 

“SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCCCCCCCCCCCPPPPPPPP!!!” schreechiesced Hive Knight, having a seizure and dying. 

“This is not good, they are going to- No, Dad 1 is going to yell and scream and complain for the next… I don’t know, maybe thousand years or so.” 

“You are my light and everything too, Grimm!” the Nightmare King exclaimed cheerfully as Grimm set his arm on fire and shut himself inside of a bean can. 

“Wow, this actually makes even  _ my _ family seem kind of mild,” stated Hollow before walking back into the cupboard somewhere. 

“Yeah, Master might be crazy, but his Majesty is even crazier,” Brumm informed Hollow matter-of-factly. Grimm continued screaming and shouting, slapping the Nightmare King and going back into the bean can, sobging and complaining about quitting. 

“This is such a wonderful scene, the Nightmare King being slapped is my favorite memory of all time, I am raising Grimm’s pay by one Geo every twenty times he slaps the Nightmare King,” said the Radiance happily. The Nightmare King reached into the bean can and pulled Grimm back out by his foot while Grimm screeched and complained and sobged and died and slapped the Nightmare King again. The Radiance marked something in her notebook about giving Grimm extra geo after school. 

“Grimm is having a seizure,” stated Brumm. Grimmchild nodded. 

“This is probably going to go on for the next five thousand years, depending on whether Dad 1’s mood swings kick in or not, and whether Dad 2 is willing to apologise thousands of times.” Quirrel gasped, scribbling thousands of notes all over the ground, running out of paper. 

“Wait, I wrote some very important notes on Grimm’s foot, can someone please read it to me so that I can re-copy them into the floor?” Quirrel asked. 

“No,” the Radiance replied. 

“We are supposed to be in this class now?? Why is the last two classes here?” asked Tape Recorder, poking the Radiance. Quirrel screamed, realizing he had missed two classes watching the smelly teachers scream about ripped-off arms. Grimm also screamed, slapping the Nightmare King and popping back into the smelly, melted bean can. 

“This is getting old, Grimm, how about you stop this before it becomes a bad habit?” the Nightmare King suggested to Grimm, who was yelling and throwing pots at him. 

“BLUE TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTH !” Zote wailed. 

“You did not miss two classes, Grimm held an outdoor class but for some reason, Dung Defender told him to go away with the Nightmare King because they were practicing trumpets outside and didn’t want to make Grimm have a seizure,” Krea informed him, popping out of a Stag Beetle’s toe, “I was just finishing up my song right now, and everyone is literally just sitting there doing nothing as Dung Defender plays poop songs on his trumpet. Also, for your information, PE is almost over and Marissa has a giant hole in the middle of her classroom again.” Krea then happily flopped away to go bother her twin, Frea. 

“HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHA!” shrieked Honret, watching Lace trip over a boot. Salubra screamed, “COPYCAT!” before eating Hornet’s SOUL. 

“It’s not  _ that _ bad,” the Nightmare King said to Grimm as he yanked him out of the bean can again, “You literally devoted yourself to me, I see no reason as to why you would be so miserable. After all, I devoted myself to you as well.” Grimm slammed his head into his cloak and let out a muffled scream. 

“....Zote,” said Zote. 

“NOOOOOOOOO!!!11!1!!” shrieked Lace and Horen’t, throwing flies and explosives at each other. They rolled away screaming in a heap of fat things while Grimm continued screaming like a dying hyena drowning in a puddle of frogs. The Nightmare King patted his head awkwardly, which only seemed to make the situation worse as Grimm died both internally and externally, drooping over on the Nightmare King’s stupid shoulder as he shrieked. Brumm loudly played ‘I Really Need A Raise’ on his accordion, missing quite a few notes as Grimmothy flew into a pole again. 

“I cannot believe how we survived a chapter without cursing, mhrm,” said Brumm. 

“Fu **DOMA** ck, we can’t have that happening!” exclaimed Grimmothy. 

“Cringe,” Godseeker declared as she hopped past Grimm having a seizure on the Nightmare King, Brumm poorly playing the accordion, Herrah snoring on the floor, the Radiance pouring orange juice into Hollow’s eyes, the students flopping around screaming, SOAP yelling about how they were Bill, Quirrel writing notes on Hollow’s missing arm, and Toe running over Dung Defender’s class with their tank. 

“Me too,” said Hornet, slapping Zote’s face and throwing her head out of the school. Before it could make it over the wall, Dave jumped up and caught Honret’s head before handing it to Jake, who cackled before stuffing it into his eyeball. 

“ **_I AM GORB_ ** ,” Gorb announced, “ **_ASCEND! ASCEND! ASCEND WITH GORB!!!11!!!_ ** ”

“Not cringe,” Godseeker said, nodding as Gorb rose higher and higher, floating away to who knows where. 

“Why is there a door in the middle of the track?” Quirrel asked, staring at the door that Grimm had run into earlier, “Where did it come from? There aren’t any buildings near us, and now I’m very confused.” He scribbled 340598390583095 notes onto SOAP’s nose. 

“Ha ha,” cackled Menderbug, placing a door up Cloth’s nose. Millybug screeched about turning Nola into a cookie. Buff Myla sang in her deep voice about burying everyone, causing Grimmchild to rip out her bright, glowy teeth. Cloth choked, wheezing and unable to breathe because she had no mouth, before dying. 

“Looks fun,” Herrah muttered as several students joined a fistfight and died. She then turned around and went back to sleep. Monomon threw up some Uomas before Quirrel ran over and asked for paper, panting. 

“I HATE YOU MORE THAN A!” shrieked Hornet, throwing an Ooma at Lace gleefully, “KINGSOUL!!! KINGSOUL!” Lace made a disgusted face before throwing a handful of flies at Horen’t, screaming and shouting. 

“YOU ARE SO WEAK!!!!!1!1!1!! ONLY ONE MASK? I DO TO!!!!!!!! TOOO!!!!!! TO MASK!!!!! AND I HAVE A COOLER THING BECAUSE YOU CANNOTTT TELEPORT!!! HAHA!  _ YOU _ ARE THE KINGSOUL HERE! HA HA!!!” Lace continued to cackle while Grimmchild ate her teeth. 

“sTOP MIND CONTROL!” shrieked Grimm, cackling happily as his eye kept switching between bright red and normal pink. The Nightmare King watched as Grimm’s brain malfunctioned, causing Grimm to keep picking up flaming rocks, getting ready to throw them at him, then throwing them at himself due to smelly mind control. 

“This is such a lovely, peaceful school,” sang Marissa, floating around as Grimm’s arm turned into a brightly colored, watermelon shaped monkey, “It is so quiet and serene!” 

“I am so happy that I actually barely have any thoughts due to me not having a brain so that I don’t do something stupid and ruin everything going on,” muttered Hollow, muffled because they were in a drawer somewhere. 

“Koi is dead,” Moi announced sadly as she poked Koi’s corpse with a stick, “She was passed by away a playground ant rover.” Toe cackled and ran over Moi with a tank before handing Grimm an extremely shriveled up, purple, severed foot. Grimm shoved it down his throat and began screaming even more. 

“Why yes, I  _ do _ genuinely think that this school is very quiet, calm, etc etc,” Marissa told Quirrel, who began wondering if she was blind or deaf. Godseeker threw up papers that had the words, “THOU CRINGE, THOU CRAWLER, THOU SMALLEST OF THE SMALL, THOU ARE SO CRINGE.” 

“I am so happy right now, we really do click, don’t we?” the Nightmare King said fondly to Grimm, whose eyes kept flashing back and forth like a weird party stuck in his stupid head as ‘Nightmare King’ and ‘Troupe Master Grimm’ kept playing on and off as Grimm had a fit of mental breakdowns. 

“I am shoving a stick up my nose to end my suffering,” stated Dave, “My head cracks like a quack.” Jake gasped, watching Dave’s head cracks squeak like bears. 

“I love my new hat !” gasped Hornet, slapping Lace’s hat off and eating it. Lace screeched shrilly before yanking out Hornet’s arm. 

“YUO ARE LIKE KINGSOUOOULLLL!!!!!” Lace hollered over Grimm’s yelling and Godseeker’s shouts of ‘CRINGE CRINGE CRINGE’. Suddenly, Koi’s corpse lurched up from the ground and she let out a deafening screech before flopping onto a bench and eating it whole.

“So the creature lives, mrmm,” Brumm muttered as Divine rapidly projectile spat rocks out at everyone in a 25 feet radius.

“Noo !” cried Joth as his bench was eaten alive. 

“C h a o s ,” whispered Jake, summoning the smelly Blender Vessel, who was going to give everyone PTSD for the rest of the month. 

“I’m,” announced Dave happily, “The joth bnechbe was the foot stuck my!” And, as he had announced, a bench was in fact stuck to his right foot as he walked around in circles, tripping over doors that Menderbug kept placing everywhere. 

“Have you seen my latest series?” Grimmothy asked, “It’s called, ‘Princess Grimm and the Nightmare Queen’. One hundred percent original!” 

“edfghjkJHBGVFDERTYHjmki*YUTRTD^&UY&^T*^*!!!!111!!” screamed Grimm as he tried and failed to shove the Nightmare King’s stupid mind control out of his head. The Nightmare King sat next to Grimm, observing with reserved curiosity as Grimm convulsed and screamed.

“Wow, how did you know, Dad 1?” Grimmchild asked, slightly surprised, “That was the first thing that Princess Grimm said to the Nightmare QUEEN before she took hi- I mean, HER away!”

“Whta,” said Jared. 

Suddenly, the stupid bell rang, making everyone’s eyes fall out and ears fly away into the air in a grand migration as they all flapped into the horizon, quacking and squawking, not unlike Grimm and Grimmothy’s stupid faces. 

“Took long enough,” snapped the Radiance, still pouring orange juice into Hollow’s tiny, puny, beady eyes. 

“I CANNOT HEAR ANYTHING!” Grimm screamed as the Nightmare King continued to flirt with his mutilated arm again. 

“How did the Nightmare King get another Grimm arm?” Quirrel asked nobody in particular as kids shoved past each other, screaming about how they had to get to class even though nobody could hear one another because everyone’s ears flew away. 

“Uh oh,” said Grimmothy. 

“WHY ARE MY HEARING ABILITIES GONE!????” Grimm shrieked, tripping over the Nightmare King’s foot. 

“I’m sorry, but I’m taken,” the Nightmare King said to the arm, who drooped over sadly, “Taken by  _ myself _ , that is. What? I cannot hear you, there is too much screaming and my ears flew away.”

Grimm glared at the Nightmare King, even though he had no idea what he was saying. 

“sTOP YELLING AT ARMS!!11!!” Grimm screeched, guessing correctly what the Nightmare King was doing based on the fact that he was holding an arm, “AND HOW DID YOU GET MY ARM AGAIN?!”

“I’m sorry, I’ll talk to you later, when I have my hearing back and when my… other half isn’t screaming at me, alright?” the Nightmare King told the arm, which “nodded” before hopping away. Grimm stared at the arm as it hopped away, confusion written across his face because the arm was alive. He then looked at the Nightmare King, who shrugged before teleporting away. 

“I’m,” stated SOPA, “To the Monomonomonomonomononomonomomonononomonomnomonomomm classroom. Good ridanse.” They then rolled away to the next class, all of their peers following them because they thought that SOAP knew what they were doing even though they clearly did not. 

“Who,” stated Grimmchild, “Has a nice tooth they would like to give mE?” Nobody heard him, because everyone’s ears had flown away. The Pale Lurker tapped on Tiso’s shoulder to get his attention before pointing to the ears flying around in the sky.

“The Great Migration is happening!” the Pale Lurker exclaimed, pointing at the ears as they flocked around the top of the school near where Lurien’s class used to be. Tiso looked at her in confusion because he could not tell what she was saying, since his ears had migrated along with the ones on Lurien’s tower. God Tamer hurriedly pulled Tiso and the Pale Lurker back into the mob of stinky students, lecturing them about how they needed to stay with the group otherwise they would be lost. Neither Tiso nor the Pale Lurker paid any attention to God Tamer’s lectures because none of them could hear anyways. 

“Leg go poof,” Koi said as her head flew away. 

“I do not enjoy orange juice, please put the orange juice away,” Hollow requested as the Radiance continued to pour orange juice into their eyes like she had been for the past three hours. She continued pouring because she did not care what Hollow said or thought, and she couldn’t even hear Hollow. 

“Did the foot light?” the Seer asked, tossing a dismembered foot up the Nightmare King’s nose, “Did? Are you a foot?” The Nightmare King began babbling to the foot because he couldn’t hear the Seer’s senile stupid words. Grimm screamed something at the Nightmare King, who could not hear him because everyone’s ears flew away. Quirrel wondered when Koi would decide to bring the ears back. 

“No !” sang Grimmothy as Grimm fell off the roof. Monomon slammed open the door to her classroom and pulled all the students in before slamming the door shut again and locking it. She then pointed to the chalkboard, which read,  _ If any of you want to survive, then shut and read what I am telling you _ . All the students looked at her with a confused expression. 

“Canon canot red,” stated Jared, who was not heard by Monomon because her ears flew away. However, he was seen by Monomon. Monomon glared at him before opening the window and tossing him out because he was not in her class. She sighed before writing more stupid things on the chalkboard. 

_ I think that the Pale Creature is invading our school, and he took away all our ears to make it easier for him to kill us all, _ Monomon wrote hastily,  _ But luckily, I know what I am doing. Since you idiots are stuck in this class with me, I will naturally have to shelter you since you all need protection, after all. However, if I catch you making so much as a squeak, I will personally toss you out the window as a sacrifice to the Pale Creature. Got it? _ Monomon tapped her yardstick gently on the chalkboard as the students stared at her. 

“Ma’am, you’re nuts,” Tiso said before being crushed by Molly. Monomon pointed at Tiso with her yardstick and scribbled madly onto the chalkboard,  _ NO SPEAKING!!!!! _

_ SHe is paranoid,  _ wrote SOAP,  _ Qiueirueial because! _

_ *&^%RTFGHBJI98jhetbgnhjmifhyuftydjmefnyw8fvhyiurhmfjieu874987289579846583475893765$#$%^&*&^%$%^&*, _ wrote Koi. 

_ Is she? _ Quirrel wrote back,  _ Because it is quite possible that that is what happened. Maybe we should ask Koi or Moi?  _

“ _ 34875uirjdnbhdvumhnbFNBGVFCDRFGTHYJUIUYTRFDE%kmjnhbjvghgvhvhbuyhbuyhbuhbuh^T&YUHGFVCGHBHUJHUJBUJ!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!! _ Koi wrote happily on a piece of paper before spitting into it and shoving it up SOAP’s eyeball. SLOP wrote,  _ ifjafijeijIOJIOJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJTH!!!! _ Before Joth appeared in the classroom because SOUP accidentally wrote his name badly. 

_ Woe is me _ , Grimm wrote grumpily on the chalkboard. 

_ Why are you in my classroom? _ Monomon wrote back, smacking the Nightmare King, who was trying to eat chalk. 

  
_ Closest classroom. Also, Pale Thing alarm went off and the Nightmare King needs to stop the mind control because he eis tthehteh emos amazing prekrpeson efver no shut up Nightmare King _ , Grimm wrote back grumpily. Monomon snapped her toes and turned towards the students, writing,  _ I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!!! _ on the chalkboard. All the students groaned and sighed, for they were going to be stuck in the stupid classroom for a very, very, very long time. 


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> deaf and pale creature invasion

“Zote,” said Zote. Monomon picked him up and threw him out of the classroom. 

“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII SHOOOOOOLLL!!! BETTRTE!!” shrieked the Pale Thing as he devoured Zote. 

_I’m scared_ , Hollow signed nervously as Monomon shut the windows, glaring at anyone who moved their nonexistent mouths. Grimm bolted the door with the help of the Nightmare King, who was using the teeth that Grimmothy had collected to seal the door shut. 

_Oh my Nightmare King, Grimm’s arm might be out there!_ The Nightmare King signed frantically, pointing outside as he panicked, _It can’t survive out there by itself! What are we going to do?!_

_Just rip out Grimm’s arm again and use that instead_ , God Tamer wrote before slapping the piece of paper into the Nightmare King’s face. Grimm cursed at her silently before signing a bunch of reasons why the Nightmare King shouldn’t rip off his arm again. 

_Tooth rip_ , Grimmothy signed, grinning toothily as he yanked out Quirrel’s teeth. Myla drew a picture of SOAP being eaten by a walrus. 

_Do you want orange juice? Of course you do!_ The Radiance wrote before happily dumping seven bottles of orange juice onto Hollow. 

_Nightmare King, as much as I hate to admit, you’re very useful. Now go use your stupid mind powers or something to telepathically tell everyone to shut up and hide, because the Pale Thing alarm might not have reached everyone_ , Monomon signed to him, slapping him with her yardstick. 

_I can’t do that, are you stupid? I can mind control Grimm, you want me to do that?_ He poked Grimm, who glared at him and wrote a string of vulgarities before the Nightmare King backed away, rolling his eyes. 

_Dad 1 is very angry today_ , stated Grimmothy, pulling an AK-47 out of his mouth. 

_Yes, you can, or the Radiance can, or someone can!_ Monomon argued back, _You have telepathic abilities strong enough to yell at everyone in this school! I never told you to take control of them, just tell them to stay inside and be safe or something because the Pale Creature took away everyone’s hearing abilities! Imagine Brumm not knowing, and playing his stupid accordion in the forest while the Pale Thing sneaks up on him, ready to shove a buzzsaw up his nose or something!_

“Pale Zote,” said Zote as the Pale King stepped on him from outside. Hornet was about to crawl out the window, but Lace pulled her back in and started arguing with her, signing a bunch of curses and angry stuff about Hornet being so stupid that even Grimm had a bigger brain than her. 

_Yeah yeah, whatever_ , the Nightmare King signed back before concentrating his stupid Nightmare Essence to yell at everyone in the school. 

_Students of Hallownest School, it is with great concern that I must inform you to shut up and speak through telepathic abilities, sign language, or writing if you must communicate at all. Stay inside, don’t make noise, and pray to whoever you think will save you because the Pale Creature is here. If you make so much as a sound, he will find you. Watch yourself._ The Nightmare King’s stupid voice blared through everyone’s heads in the school, bugs with no hiding place frantically scuttling around to find one in time. Grimm looked at the Nightmare King incredulously.

_What was that?_ He signed, _That was not reassuring at all, if anything, it sounded like the opening of a horror movie._

_You do it yourself then, see how hard it is to telepathically tell everyone in the school to take shelter from the Pale Creature_ , the Nightmare King signed back grumpily as Grimm sighed. 

_When do we get our ears back?????_ signed Cloth to Koi, who was visibly cackling more evilly than the Nightmare King, which was impossible. 

“Pale busszaw,” muttered Zote as a buzzsaw ran over his forehead. 

_I am going to be stuck here if this goes on, someone help me,_ Hollow sighed, already stuck in the pile of orange juice infection the Radiance was pouring on them, _at this rate, I’ll end up as one of the Radiance’s trophies in her room where she keeps my missing arm._

_I really liked that message, straight to the point and blunt, no sugar-coating_ , the Radiance signed happily as she poured orange juice all over Hollow’s head, _However, as for the bug who told the message, I cannot say the same for him. He can go rot away for all I care._ She smiled at the Nightmare King, who smiled back eerily. 

_I really want the stupid Pale Creature to go away, I miss my hearing, a lot_ , Grimm signed as the Nightmare King patted his back reassuringly. 

“BUSSZAW!” shrieked the Pale Thing. Zote rolled around and wailed as his blue tooth was run over by 293021903912 busszaws. Dave melted into a pile of infection. 

_That is so horrible,_ Bretta wrote, _The stupid Pale Creature, tearing up Zote like that! No honor, no dignity! Poor Zote!_

_Oh no_ , signed SOAP, watching a buzzsaw run over Grimm’s classroom. Grimm groaned before being tossed out the window by Monomon. The Nightmare King pulled him back in before glaring at Monomon, who glared back with her feet on her hips. She pointed at the chalkboard, which read, **_NO SPEAKING!!!!!!!_ **

_I do not care,_ the Nightmare King replied, _I will speak if I want to._

_Do not speak?_ Asked Hollow, _This is starting to sound like the White Palace school?_

_No, we are just not speaking because the Pale Creature might find us and kill us or something_ , Monomon signed grumpily as the Nightmare King poked Grimm’s face, wondering whether he was dead or still alive. Grimm was obviously still alive, as he swatted the Nightmare King’s stupid hands away from him. Hollow sneezed. There was a horrified pause as everyone stared at Hollow, who frantically began to sign apologies as Quirrel handed them a tissue. 

Suddenly, the Pale Creature barged in through the window, his head drooping in like a demented fork because he was a demented fork. 

“DON’T THE NOT SNEZ!!! YUO AREN’T HAVE A NOSÉ!!!!!!” the Pale Creature shrieked. Students all around began to panic, climbing over each other and trying to muffle their screams of terror as they tried to get away. The Nightmare King pushed the Pale Thing out of the window, resulting in him falling and plopping onto the ground. He looked around in a daze, staring at the ground in confusion before thumping away.

_Why didn’t he just climb back up?_ Quirrel signed. 

_He’s stupid and has horrible memory_ , the Nightmare King signed back before turning around to try and start a conversation with Grimm. 

“SO-” screeched Hive Knight, but before he could finish his sentence, he was hurled out of Monomon’s window with the brute force of a singing marker as he plummeted down onto the Pale Creature’s head. 

_I AM NOT SOAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ , SOAP signed angrily before shutting the window, huffing. 

“Do are not ned to sine, becuase are Pale Thing gone???” asked Jared before being flung out the window onto the Pale Thing, who screamed something weird. The Radiance told Hollow to stop apologising before resuming her weird pouring orange juice onto their head thing. 

“Plop,” said Dave the puddle, dripping out the window before Monomon could throw him out. 

_Have you tried pouring juice on vessels?_ The Radiance signed gleefully, _They don’t actually resist you!_ As if to prove her point, she poured seven more bottles of orange juice on Hollow’s head. Hollow was stuck and couldn’t actually do anything even if they wanted to, so she was technically right. Grimm glared at the Nightmare King, who signed, _I haven’t even done anything yet, Grimm!_

“Cackled cacklse,” said the Pale Lurker, also hopping out the window like a demented rabbit with rabies and a stick up its nose. 

_My loyal friend, gone, to avenge us all_ , God Tamer signed, wiping a tear as she stared at the Pale Lurker, who was rolling around outside, shoving keys, moldy bricks of cheese, and nails into the Pale Things’ eyes. 

_That looks fun, I’ll join!_ signed Woji, who picked Snej off her roof and threw him down, crushing Zote, the Pale Thing, the Pale Lurker, and several buzzsaws and spikes he was planting around the school. 

_Oh Pale Lurker, my brave, beautiful, loyal friend…_ God Tamer signed dramatically as the others around her began to tear up, _How lovely our friendship has been, how wonderful it was with you! If only you could have stayed for a day, but alas, we all know it must be done. Thank you. Your sacrifice will not be forgotten._ With her last sign, everyone around God Tamer burst into tears, sobbing silently for the loss of the Pale Lurker. Even Tiso teared up a little before Molly fell from the sky and crushed him again. The Nightmare King clapped slowly but quietly enough so that he wouldn’t be thrown out of the classroom, and Grimm looked around in confusion. 

“Hi, I’m back,” stated the Pale Lurker, spawning on a desk bench thing. Monomon picked her up and threw her out again. 

_I can hear her maniac, shrill voice in the afterlife, screeching and cackling as she flings around bits of moldy cheese_ … God Tamer signed once again as everyone sogged and cried and stuff. Grimm facepalmed as the Nightmare King wiped a tear from his eye. 

“I’m here again,” the Pale Lurker sang, throwing up a key on God Tamer’s face. God Tamer gasped.

“Is that really you, Pale Lurker?” she exclaimed before flopping over to hug the Pale Lurker, who cackled and said,

“DEATH IS NOT INEVITABLE!!!” She and God Tamer were promptly thrown out of the window as Monomon rapidly tapped on the chalkboard with her yardstick, that, of course, read, **_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TALKLKLKLKLKLKJOJUINMOIHGNIBIGNUGHJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ **

_Ma’am, I think you should take a break, maybe let another teacher be in charge right now?_ Quirrel suggested, tapping Moooooooooooooonomon on the shoulder. 

_I volunteer to be teacher in charge_ , the Nightmare King signed before Grimm walked over and slapped him. 

_No, you are incapable, I volunteer_ , Grimm signed angrily. 

_Grimm will be in charge,_ signed Monomon tiredly, _Nobody can trust the Nightmare King not to burn down the school and turn the children into dead fire ashes._

_SOPA_ , Dave signed to SOAP because he was bored. Blossom cackled softly before also signing ‘SOAP’ and ‘SOPA.’

_NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOTTTTT!!!!!! I AM BILL!!! OR GHOST!!! OR THE KNIGHT!!!!! I AM NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTT SOOAPP!!!!!!!! OR SOPA!!! OR SLOP!! OR SOUP!!! OR SOPU!!! OR SOP!!!!!!! NOT! NOT! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTT!!!!!_ SOAP shrieked in sign language. Hollow began choking on orange juice, making no noise because they were under a large blob of infection. 

_SOAP_ , Dave signed, giggling. _SOAP, SOAP, SOAP, SOAP, SOUP, SUOP, SOPA, SLOP, AsOP, POAS, SOPA, SAOp, SOUUUUUP!!!!!_

_SOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!11!1!111!1!!!!!!_ Blossom signed as well, cackling evilly. SOAP snapped. 

“I AM NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT SOPA!” they screamed at the top of their nonexistent lungs. Grimm walked over to Dave and Blossom before picking them up and tossing them out the window. He then shoved a bar of soap into SOAP’s mouth to get them to shut up. 

_If you speak again, out the window you go to satisfy the Pale Creature’s thirst for vengeance_ , Grimm signed grumpily to SOAP, who kindly refrained from throwing a fit of seizures. 

_Yuo are SOPA!!_ Blossom signed gleefully. Grimm was going to slap her but the Nightmare King pulled him back, muttering about clogged toilet magic. 

_What am I are eating, it tastes nice_ , SOAP signed to Grimm, who shook his head, refusing to tell SOAP what he shoved into their eyes to make them shut their trap. SOAP shrugged and continued to chew on the tasty bar of whatever the heck Grimm plopped into their eye sockets. 

_Madam, Grimm just fed soap to a student_ , Quirrel signed to Monomon.

_Good for him,_ Monomon signed back tiredly. Quirrel looked at her with a concerned expression. 

_That’s a nice idea, Grimm, but it’s a bit boring. Let’s see if it’ll eat fire or its sibling’s ashes, how about that?_ The Nightmare King signed, grinning. Grimmchild flew over to see if any teeth fell out yet. 

_Yeah, you do that_ , Grimm signed to him grumpily, _But I just shoved whatever I could get my hands on to make them shut the fu_ **_SHAW_ ** _ck up because I really don’t feel like dealing with the Pale Thing down there_.

_Understandable_ , the Nightmare King signed, smiling at Grimm, who glared back. 

_Toe! Go shot the down!_ Commanded Jake, jumping onto Toe’s tank and driving it out the window onto the Pale Thing. Jared gasped before Monomon flung him out the window because he was too loud. 

“Boom boom,” said Jake as he and Toe ran over the Pale THing. 

_That is so comedic that I want to set everyone’s eyes on fire,_ the Nightmare King signed, grinning ominously at some nearby students, who ran away. Hollow continued to sign pleas for help as the Radiance poured orange juice on their face. 

_Do not-_ Monomon signed before she was interrupted by a buzzsaw, which crashed into the wall. 

“FLOCK FLOCK FLOCK FLOCK!!! FLOCK!!!!!!” Koi chanted madly, shrieking as the flock of flying ears flew into the school, returning to all of their owners and enabling everyone to get their hearing abilities back. SOAP gasped. 

“CAN SPEEK NOW!!! I!!” they screeched happily before Monomon scooped both them and Koi up, throwing them out the window. She sighed grumpily as the Nightmare King tried and failed to convince Grimm to give him another arm. 

_Just because we got our ears back does not mean that the Pale Thing has gone away_ , she signed angrily to the students as Koi fell out the window, shrieking before the Pale King stepped on her face, cracking it open. 

_No,_ signed Grimm to the Nightmare King, _No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. No. No. No. No._

_Yes,_ the Nightmare King signed back, _Yes, yes, yes, yes yes, yes yes, yes yes, yes yes, yes yes, yes yes, yes yes, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes._

“Ha ha,” said Grey Prince Hornet as she threw Monomon out the window for no reason. Monomon screamed something angrily before pulling Grey Prince Hornet out the window alongside her. Lace shrieked in terror. 

_No._ Grimm shook his head. 

_Yes._ The Nightmare King smiled at Grimm, who glowered at him angrily. 

_No._

_Yes._

_No._

_Yes._

_No._

_Yes._

_Yes, also you still have to do that dare,_ Divine signed to Grimm, who was too surprised to write or sign. 

_How the Nightmare God did you get in here?_ Grimm signed. 

_I have my ways._

_Give me your arm_ , the Nightmare King signed, _Come ON, Grimm, I’ll do something cool!_

_NO!_

_This is such an interesting conversation, mind if I join in?_ Quirrel signed even though nobody was paying attention and nobody cared. 

_DARE!_ Divine signed. Grimm slapped her and threw her out the window like a Marissa. The Nightmare King sidled next to Grimm, signing a bunch of stupid words about how he wanted to use Grimm’s arm to do something cool and also why was it so bad that they would be intimate? Grimm slapped him as well. 

_NO! DO NOT TAKE ANY ARMS, LEGS- JUST DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING!_ Grimm signed, slapping the Nightmare King, who muttered something about being slapped too many times a day now before Monomon appeared and tossed him out the window. 

_Please beat it through his enormous head that ripping off his friend's arms and then muttering and talking to them like a senile idiot is not cool and he needs to stop,_ Grimm pleaded to Monomon, who rolled her eyes as everyone in the school had a seizure for some unknown reason. 

_Hi, I’m back, I want Grimm’s limbs,_ the Nightmare King said as he flopped in through the window. Outside, the Pale Creature was still being ran over by Toe and Jared’s stupid fat tank. 

_NOOOOOO !_ signed Grimm crazily, _NEVER AGAIN !_ Monomon nodded as Grimm slapped the Nightmare King for the 9120392103912039012930129305493207128749821st time that day. The Nightmare King sighed in disappointment before muttering about taking limbs by force. Monomon picked him up and threw him out the window again. 

_... The Nightmare King seems to respect Grimm by his own means, but at the same time seems to share pleasure in tormenting him,_ Quirrel wrote down on his stupid paper that Monomon gave him. Grimmothy leaned over his shoulder, reading the notes as Quirrel wrote them. 

_I’me died,_ Grimmothy signed, _is what he said, and the Seer’s tooth had VINES growing out of it! And Dad 1 threw an ORGAN at Dad 2! Get your facts right!_ He continued lecturing until he realized it was a perfect opportunity for Princess Grimm storytime. 

_I’m surrounded by idiots,_ Grimm signed tiredly.

_You yourself included_ , the Nightmare King signed back, _Now, be a good, obedient servant and hand me your limbs, will you? Legs, arms, it doesn’t matter, just give one to me. I can do something really cool with it, just give one to me!_

_I AM NOT GOING TO BE YOUR SERVANT TODAY, I WILL NOT HAND OVER MY LIMBS! BURN DOWN A BUILDING OR SOMETHING! STOP TRYING TO WAVE MY LIMBS AROUND!_ Grimm continued shouting, while Grimmothy signed. 

_So once upon a time, Princess Grimm was yelling at the Nightmare QUEEN because she was making her very very mad because the Nightmare QWEEN wanted to play with her arm but she did not want the Nightmare QUEEWN to play with her arm so she got so mad she threw a million organs and threw up electric guitars on the Nightmare QUEENNNNNN, who actually died and then Princess Grimm killed herself the end this is not the story of Dad 2 actually experiencing true fear for once it isn’t my Princess Grimm stories are 100% original, anything else is a coincidence,_ Grimmothy signed furiously, wondering whether the Nightmare King would get the hint that Grimm was going to throw up electric guitars if this went on any longer. 

_Alright, then_ , the Nightmare King signed ominously before looming over poor raspy-voiced Grimm, who was still signing hastily at Dave that he and the vessels needed to shut up, _By force it is, then. My deepest apologies, Grimm, but it must be done._ He snapped, turning on the stupid mind control as Grimm let out a small yelp, covering his mouth so that he wouldn’t get tossed out the window by Monomon. 

Grimm ran into the door, shut himself in a bean can, and threw up a weird, melted organ when the stupid mind control was gone. His triumph was short-lived, however. The Nightmare King pulled him out of the can and wrapped his weird cloak tendrils around him, preventing him from moving around at all. Grimmothy sighed, before shrugging and yanking out Grimm’s weird-looking charred teeth. 

_Why is he using so much mind control right now?_ Quirrel asked, watching as Grimm continued to obviously attempt to prevent himself from screaming. 

Grimm let out a muffled yell, struggling in vain as the Nightmare King pressed into his mind. 

_Hush_ , the Nightmare King uttered in Grimm’s head, _It will be over… soon._ Grimm kicked weakly, still trying to resist but undoubtedly being overpowered because the Nightmare King was stupid and powerful. Also because he didn’t have the brain capacity for this shit. 

_I cannot believe that you people actually are people,_ stated Monomon, picking Grimm up and throwing him out the door. The Nightmare King jumped out after him to grab his smelly, crusty arm, yanking him back in before growling at Monomon before flopping into the closet with Grimm’s limp body. 

_I need a raise,_ sang Brumm, mimicking playing his accordion, _I really, really really really need a raise because otherwise I cannot pay for college and I might quit because SOA-Ghost is going to help me quit and I really need a raise and did I mention I needed a raise?_ There was another muffled scream from the closet before the Nightmare King murmured something to Grimm, getting him to shut his trap. 

_I would call the police but they are the Pale Thing’s people and also Dad 2 has burned down three police stations and a military camp in this week,_ Grimmothy told the people, _And he wouldn’t give me back my arms if I did._ Everyone else then went back to wondering how the fu **SHAW** ck there was a closet in the classroom. After what seemed like a lot of crazy senile muttering from the Nightmare King and a bunch of sobging from Grimm, the Nightmare King flopped out of the closet, holding up Grimm’s arm in triumph. Grimm was in a sort of daze, his left arm left as an almost regrown stump as the Nightmare King carried him with his stupid cloak tendrils. 

_He really wants that arm badly, doesn’t he?_ Quirrel muttered, watching Grimm slump into a lamp and fall out the window. Cloth nodded, as the Nightmare King began gleefully waving the arm around, whispering random things to it. 

“S,” said Hive Knight before Monomon tossed him out the window. Grimm shrieked before waking up and jumping onto Hive Knight’s face, using it as a stinky platform to flop very majestically back onto the classroom. The Nightmare King opened his arms to catch Grimm, but Grimm twisted his body away sharply, landing on the ground instead of in the Nightmare King’s stupid twig arms. 

_Help me, I am still stuck,_ signed Hollow, drowning in orange juice but still alive somehow. The Radiance ignored them. 

_Nothing in the world can compare to how much I hate you all,_ Grimm signed grumpily as his arm fully regrew back. The Nightmare King clasped Grimm’s crusty hand and helped him back up. 

_Oh, he isn’t throwing a fit, he is going to be crazy today when we get home,_ Grimmothy whispered to whoever would listen. 

“TO QUIET!!!” Hornet screeched, throwing 90802031 Oomas around the room, “I CAN’T STAND IT!!! FIGHT MEE!!!!!” Monomon picked her up and threw her out the window. The Nightmare King sighed because he wanted to kill someone that wasn’t Grimm, who was currently stuck in the corner of the ceiling, hissing at anyone who came close to him. 

_AWAY!!!!_ Grimm signed frantically at the Nightmare King, who happily bound over to him, _GO AWAY! YOU’RE THE LAST PERSON I WANT TO SEE RIGHT NOW!_

_Nonsense,_ the Nightmare King said happily before peeling Grimm off the ceiling and flopping him onto his stupid cloak tendrils, grinning toothily as he wrapped his stinky twig arms around Grimm. Grimm made a noise of disgust. 

_Why is there soap on the floor?_ Zemmoth asked, pointing to a bar of soap on the floor. SOAP exploded angrily. 

_YOU ARE A DISGRACE! I HOPE YOUR TOES ARE CLIPPED OFF, I HOPE YOUR EARS GET STITCHED SHUT, I HOPE YOUR EYES ARE YANKED INSIDE-OUT, I HOPE YOUR FEET SWITCH PLACES WITH YOUR HANDS, I HOPE-_ SOAP continued to rapidly spew out insults at poor Zemmoth, who had literally just been trying to find out why there was a stupid piece of soap on the floor. 

“WHERE!!!!!!!!! HIRE NOMONOM!!!!!!!!!!!!” the Pale Thing shrieked from down below, picking up a saw blade and throwing it at the window. Everyone moved away from the cheese and mold-smelling window, which was being ground up. 

_DO NOT MAKE A SINGLE SOUND!_ wrote Monomon, picking a screaming Bretta up and throwing her out the window. Grimm opened his mouth to say something so Monomon would throw him out the window so he could be alone but the Nightmare King stuffed a backpack in it. 

_Will someone just blast that idiot off the premises with a laser or fire or something?_ The Radiance snapped angrily, _He’s getting on my nerves! Nightmare King, why don’t you go set him on fire until he leaves? Stop waving Grimm’s arm around and be useful for once!_ She reached for another bottle of orange juice, looking disappointed when there were no more to pour on Hollow’s head. 

“NOMONOM!!! WERE ARE YUO!!! HIRED!!!!!!! _ONE_ HUNDRED GEO!!!!!! BRANG HOLLEW FORE _NINE HUNDRED_ GEO!!!!!!!!! HIRED!!!!! NOMONOM!!!!!!” the Pale Thing continued screeching and yelling. Monomon silently muttered curses before going over to a tank and feeding the Uoma in it. 

“I CANNOT TAKE IT!!!!” shrieked Honret from down below, “SAY SOMETHING! I AM DYING HERE AND THIS IS TERRIBLE!” 

“Teeths,” Grimmothy muttered before he began pelting the Pale Creatures’ face with teeth. 

_Arm_ , the Nightmare King said back, throwing the arm at the Pale Creature’s face, which in turn began to slap him and scream angrily. 

_So, can we speak normally now?_ Asked Quirrel. Monomon shook her head and threw Grimmothy out the window. Grimmchild plopped back in because he had wings, but he missed the window by about two feet and ran straight into the wall. Grimm pointed frantically at Grimmchild and tugged on the Nightmare King, who shrugged and snapped. The cursed Grimm’s arm suddenly stopped slapping the Pale Creature and grabbed Grimmothy by the tail before hopping back up into the classroom holding Grimmchild. 

_Why would you do that? That was the only thing distracting the Pale Thing!_ Monomon exclaimed. 

_Not my problem,_ the Nightmare King retorted back, _You threw my kid out the window, I needed to retrieve him._

_Your kid is literally immortal!_

_So is Quirrel._

_What the heck did you do to my arm?!_ Grimm yelled at the Nightmare King as he watched his bewitched mangled arm flop around, slapping the Pale King’s forehead. 

_I TOLD you that I could do something cool with it!_ The Nightmare King replied back happily as the Pale Thing flopped around in confusion, wondering why a mutilated body part was slapping him and hopping around angrily. 

_THAT IS NOT COOL! NEXT TIME USE YOUR_ OWN _ARM, OR DON’T USE AN ARM AT ALL!_

“THIS IS NOMONOMNM?????????” the Pale King asked the arm, “YUO ARE NOMNOMNOMN??????????????????????? TURNED INTO ARM?????? NOT PROBLEM! STILL HIRE!!!!!!!!!!!” 

_I- is he trying to hire my maimed arm?_ Grimm asked, stunned. The Nightmare King chortled as Monomon stared down at the current situation tiredly. 

“Yes! Hired! ARM MONOMNOM HIERD!!! GO TO SLEP!!!” the Pale King screeched, slapping a King’s Idol onto the arm. The Nightmare King began to cackle louder, and Monomon waved her yardstick around his face threateningly, wanting a reason to toss him out the window. Grimm facepalmed. 

“Plop,” said Jared as he was thrown out the window and run over by Toe. Monomon continued to throw screaming students out the window. 

“HIRE HA! HA HA!!!!!I HIRE NOMONOMONOMONOMONOMON AND NO MORE TECHER FOR RADINSE!!!!! HEE HEE E@1111!!!111!!!!!!!11” screeched the Pale King from down below. Monomon rolled her eyes and threw a ruler at him along with Horen’t. 

  
  


“I’m,” Honreren’t stated intelligently as she was thrown out the window. Lace screamed angrily about how she wasn’t done poking Honret’s eyes out before she too was chucked out the window. Quirrel ducked as a pencil flew into his nose. 

“This is such a plap,” complained Jake, from out the window, running over the Pale Thing in a tank. Monomon picked up Carrie and threw her out the window. Angrily, Jake flopped off the tank and sat on a bucket, refusing to leave for no reason at all. Marissa began singing about throwing Grimm out the window, which is what Monomon did to her. She continued singing as she flew out the window like an evil dolphin taking over the moon using a dirt covered toothpick. 

_I need help!_ signed Hollow desperately, still in a large blob of orange juice. The Radiance appeared with another 29039020 boxes and bottles of orange juice and began pouring it on their face again. Meanwhile, Grimm kept getting backpacks stuffed in his mouth. 

_Benhchn?_ Joth asked, appearing with several benches. Dave ran over and sat on a bench, his head growing back on. 

_STOP SHOVING STUFF INTO MY MOUTH_ , Grimm signed angrily as the Nightmare King shoved another pencil case into his mouth, _I WANT TO GO OUTSIDE! STOP IT!_

_No, be quiet,_ the Nightmare King replied, shoving a desk into Grimm’s mouth. Grimm squirmed furiously, trying to make noise. He clapped loudly and Monomon finally wrenched him out of the Nightmare King’s crusty, burnt arms and threw him out the window. The Nightmare King hissed at Monomon before pulling Grimm back into the stupid classroom and tying him up. 

_What is my life_ , Grimm said telepathically. 

_Don’t talk and just sit there like a good Grimm,_ the Nightmare King told him. Grimm glared at him, and probably would until the end of time. 

_What is my life_ , Grimm repeated grumpily. 

_Ego,_ said FAT. 

_Brain,_ said PUNY. FAT pointed to the Nightmare King. 

_MENA,_ they signed, while they pointed at the Nightmare King, who shrugged and asked if he could take Grimm’s other arm because the Pale Thing was holding onto the first one. Grimm shook his head and attempted to set the rope on fire before Monomon picked Grimm up and threw him out the window before he could set the classroom on fire. The Nightmare King pulled Grimm back in and this time slapped his arms around Grimm so that he couldn’t do anything. 

_WHAT IS MY LIFE_ , Grimm shrieked, struggling but to no avail. 

“I’m a died,” stated Horen’t, who was thrown out the window.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i dont even know anymore

_ How have you not been fired?! _ Cloth shrieked,  _ You’re throwing children out the window!  _ Monomon shrugged, picked up a ruler, and threw it at the Pale King before it turned around and began hitting the Nightmare King in the face. The Nightmare King angrily slapped Monomon’s face, and they began to have a stupid fist fight. Grimm took this as an opportunity to try and free himself. However, he was unsuccessful because the Nightmare King’s stupid cloak tendrils wrapped around him tighter, binding him to the wall. Grimm sighed. Deduline ate a jar of chalk. 

_ Why are you eating chalk? Eat paintbrushes instead!  _ Quirrel suggested helpfully. 

_ Where would I get a paintbrush? _ Deduline asked,  _ And don’t suggest the Nightmare King, because I once ate one of his graphite pencils and he ripped off all my limbs before tossing me into a pit. I couldn’t move or screech for help because he glued my mouth shut, and the only reason I’m here today is because Mom found me. _ Quirrel shrugged.

_ High, _ announced Dave, pointing to Hive Knight, who was snorting socks off the floor. Grimm glared at the Nightmare King, then attempted to turn around to glare at everyone else in the room. He failed, and went back to glaring at the Nightmare King, who was still having a stupid fist fight with Monomonm, which actually turned into a foot fight. 

_ Breaking news, Grimm and Nightmare King are married! _ Hive Knight squealed, before he was thrown away by Monomon, who exploded 309 Oomas which she stuffed in his nose. 

Grimmchild rolled his eyes.  _ Breaking news, no romantic moments happen between Dads 1 and 2, Dad 1 continues to complain as Dad 2 ruins his life by violently turning him into a rat after eating his arm. _ Quirrel glanced at Grimmothy, clearly confused. The Nightmare King’s leg extended and slapped Monomon’s face, who also raised her foot and slapped him back. 

_ A foot fight, interesting, _ Quirrel muttered as he scribbled notes all over the Radiance’s face, the classrooms’ walls, Grimm’s bindings, and SOAP’s nose. 

_ Isn’t that technically vandalizing school property?  _ Clover asked as Severin tripped over a jar of chalk, which flew across the room and hit Zote’s stupid face. 

_ No, because that’s  _ my _ property! _ Monomon said, kicking the Nightmare King in the face. The Nightmare King hit her with a flaming toe as she threw an angry Ooma at him. 

_ This is stupid _ , Grimm said,  _ I seriously want to die. Somebody release me, please. _

_ I can’t help you, release yourself! _ Monomon kicked the Nightmare King for the fifth time, Oomas and Uomas chanting,  _ MONOMON! MONOMON! MONOMON! _ The Nightmare King summoned Grimmkins because he was bored. Monomon slammed her face into the chalkboard. 

_ You know what? Let’s stop this. This is getting old, and the more I fight, the more I want it to end so I don’t have to see your stupid face, _ Monomon snapped, climbing into an acid tank to take a nap,  _ Grimm is in charge, because I don’t trust you. Go untie him or something, don’t wake me up. I don’t want to be awake until the Pale Thing is gone.  _

_ You heard the woman who hates you, untie me! _ demanded Grimm,  _ Let me  _ GO _!  _ He continued yelling insults at the Nightmare King, who did not untie Grimm to spite him and also because he was a butthole.

_ ̸̦͐Ì̸̝͎͌ ̵͗̄ͅw̸̫̃̊i̵̲̚̕s̵̠̠̓h̶̛̼ ̵̤̄͛I̶̯̊ ̵͉̆d̸̛̠ì̴͙d̸̢̳̑͘ ̴̬̃͗n̴̳͉͒o̶̥͗t̶̪̲̎̕ ̸̟̜̊ă̵͍͇̊g̷̞r̸̥̓e̷̠̎é̶̜ ̴̲͒t̸̘̉̇o̶̳ ̵̂͝ͅh̷̨̥̽͠ą̸̒̕v̵̛͓̑e̷̘͊ ̷̧̒m̴̙̥̐y̶͓͝ ̸̠̦̋a̸̩̋́r̷͈̉͊m̶̓̋͜ś̴̳͒ͅ ̴̨̲͊̓b̴̹̓̚å̷͍̇c̸̼͍͐̎k̷̹̆ ̸͈͑̈́ͅẅ̷̥̗h̷̹̼͛e̷̢̦̽̅n̷̘̮͘ ̸̞͗̇I̷͈̋̇ ̷̨̟̍ḓ̴̈́͘ĭ̵̲̫̒d̷͍̜̍n̶̲̓'̷̺̇t̴͔̉͆ ̸̪̅̍h̴͓̅ả̸̼̣̕v̵̩̋̄ȇ̴̯̾ ̸̜͍͊͝m̴̙͚̓͠ÿ̷̹̯̾ ̴̨͛̅l̵̟̯̐ẽ̶̡͛ĝ̵̳̑ș̸̗͐ ̶̣̈́ψ̷̥̌ ̶̳̚͠ ψ,  _ snapped Grimm angrily, muttering more and more weird satanic chants at the Nightmare King. Dave turned into a bright pink frog from the desert of bright pink frogs. 

_ Oh, it isn’t that bad _ , the Nightmare King told Grimm,  _ think of it as me restraining you because you want to die. I care about you, Grimm. _

_ Says the guy who rips out his limbs and torments him _ , Grimmothy muttered.

_ Hey, I do it out of the pureness of my heart and adoration for Grimm! _ the Nightmare King protested as Grimmchild rolled his eyes. 

_ You are the reason I want to die, _ Grimm stated furiously,  _ UNTIE ME! Or, Grimmothy, please shoot me with your rifle and I’ll give you back your arms the moment I’m free. _

_ Hmm, I want my arms back, but at the same time, world record…. _ Grimmothy pondered over it.

_ Technically, I’m the one who holds all of the power here, since I can literally just sap away both Grimmchild’s and Grimm’s powers, enabling them to be completely helpless _ , the Nightmare King pointed out,  _ Buuuuuuuuuuuut I don’t do that because, you’re my kid and Grimm is… my partner, so I won’t. However, I will and can take away the powers you don’t need, such as those arms. _

_ This is why I hate you, _ shrieked Grimm, still trying to get off the smelly rope thing the Nightmare King tied him up with,  _ and I am  _ NOT _ your partner! _ Hive Knight threw up bees and began singing a wedding song, which made Grimm explode. 

_ BUSINESS partner, _ the Nightmare King snapped,  _ I never said that you were my mate or anything, just my partner! _

_ Why are those old stinky men arguing with their ten year old son _ , Tiso asked before Molly came crashing down from the sky, crushing and killing him instantly. The Radiance dropped her bottle of orange juice and ran over to Molly. 

_ Dad’s remains are what you’re talking to, he just exploded, _ Grimmothy pointed out. He morphed into Grimm, who immediately jumped out the window. The Nightmare King yanked him back in the stupid crusty pea-sized foot and, once again, wrapped Grimm in a stupid rope. Grimm was about to spontaneously combust before the Nightmare King sighed and snapped his fingers. Grimm’s stupid fire powers went poof as the Nightmare King pulled a slimy, slobber-covered Grimmothy out of Grimm’s throat. 

_ sTOP!  _ Grimm shouted, screaming more curses and random insults that came to mind,  _ YOU’RE WORSE THAN KINGSOUL! LOWER THAN A MAGGOT! I WISH WE COULD BOTH JUST DIE, AND IF YOU GO AND END UP IN THE NIGHTMARE REALM, I HOPE I END UP IN THE RADIANCE’S AREA INSTEAD!  _ Grimmothy sighed as Grimm got ready to explode in a puff of stinky dead corpse whatever Grimm was. 

_ I am ham, you want to eat Sam? _ Asked a vessel who named themself Ham. Ham held up a vessel, who they called Sam. Mushroom Face of the Fungal Wastes turned into a snail, which flopped out the window and landed in the Pale King’s eye. 

“OWWWWWW!!!!!” the Pale King screeched, “MOMOONOMON!!!! DON OT THROW VESSLSE! AT MEEEEEEE!!!” The arm sat limply on the ground, clearly not Monomon and not the one who threw the vessel at him. Meanwhile, the real Monomon was inside of her acid tank, gurgling and snoring louder than Herrah or Grimm, who both snored pretty darn loud. 

“CHARGE!” cried Jake, screaming with Toe as they used the tank to run over the Pale King. The arm, not wanting to be run over, made a squeaky noise before hopping away into Greenpath. The Nightmare King looked at it wistfully before turning around to tie Grimm to his arm. 

_ Your parents are crazier than normal today, why is this happening? _ Quirrel asked Grimmothy, who shrugged. Grimm and the Nightmare King  _ were _ acting very weird today, most likely because they decided going insane and having fights in one day was an excellent idea. 

_ This is stupid _ , said the Nightmare King as he carried Grimm to the otehr side of the classroom,  _ I have to babysit you like you’re some stinky smelly child, otherwise you’ll run off and go kill yourself or something. Even Brumm and Grimmothy don’t need this, and you’re older than them by at least 600 years! _

_ YOU’RE STUPID! LET ME GO! _ Grimm shrieked,  _ IF I WANT TO DIE, LET ME DIE! _ Hollow nodded in agreement. The Radiance threw Molly at Tiso. 

_ This fanfiction is sending very mixed messages, _ Quirrel stated as he scribbled notes onto Molly’s eyelids. Molly ran away barking to sit on Tiso. 

Moi cackled and flicked Koi’s nose at Quirrel. It landed on his head and began sniffing the roof. 

_ IIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii,  _ said Dave, melting from boredom. 

“I AM NOT SOAP!” SOAP screamed before Monomon’s asleep toes wrapped around them and tossed them out the window. 

“LET GO OF ME, YOU CRAZY DEMON THING!” Grimm yelled, or tried to yell because his voice was muffled by the Nightmare King’s cloak tendril shoved into his stupid mouth. 

_ What’s that? I didn’t hear _ you, the Nightmare King said as Grimm thrashed around. 

_ I like trains, _ stated Jake, being run over by Toe, who was driving the tank. Quirrel watched in confusion as Carrie turned into a very large bullfrog. 

_ Can we talk yet? _ Quirrel asked,  _ the Pale King is gone. _

“Yeah, you can talk,” Monomon answered from in the acid tank, falling back asleep. Hollow continued to be stuck in the ever growing wad of orange juice, which was the Radiance’s fault. 

“UNHAND ME! STOP!” Grimm shrieked, his screams being muffled once again because the Nightmare King still had his cloak tendrils shoved into his mouth. 

_ “Oh no, she’s becoming a dreamer,” muttered Quirrel, “Are Koi and Moi actually just  _ going _ to kill everyone off?” Molly fell onto Tiso’s head.  _

“Are yuo tlaking in mind, writing, or spekeing, or letetpathy, or sign language???????????” Koi asked, confused, “Uor are yuo just emphasiziing words?????”

“Yes,” replied Moi, making Koi even more confused. 

_ “I’m can of tlak now,” stated Molly the Tiso crusher. Tiso died while  _ the _ Radiance gasped happily. Hollow gave up on asking for help and attempted to crawl into the closet while nobody was looking. Grimm screeched insults and curses at the Nightmare King, who was muttering random things about something something who knows.  _

_ “I’ve a thonk thonk to thonk,” said Hammer, bowing and hitting Grimm with their head. Garbage Bag nodded, trash spilling everywhere.  _

_ “ _ STOP!!!! ALL OF YOU!!! I’M HAVING A HEADACHE AND I FRICKING WANT TO DIE!!!” Grimm screamed, sobging as the Nightmare King pat his head, saying totally reassuring things about how Grimm was awesome or something, I’m not the Nightmare King, I don’t know what he said.

“Me too,” stated Hollow, “But I can’t die, and neither can you, so we can’t die no matter how much we want to because we are stuck.” 

“I’m snore,” stated Carrie. 

“Not in Nomonomonomonomonomonomonomomomomomomomom’s class?” SOAP muttered, “Carrie, Jared, Toe, Bledner, Garbage, and everyone? None of those are in our class? WHy are here?”

“Toe,” shouted Jake, picking Grimm’s face off and running away. Grimm let out a wail, summoning the Che Lump as he smacked his head onto the Nightmare King’s shoulder. 

“Stupid,” cackled Dave as Woji threw Snej into the classroom. The Radiance yelled something before offering Dave some orange juice. Dave, seeing that he would become like Hollow if he didn’t accept, drank the juice. 

“LE’MER!!!!! WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!” wailed the Che Lump, summoning Thalia somehow, who hugged her and tried to comfort her to obviously no avail. 

“I love to eat chalk,” Grimmothy said, “It is tasty and can I have your teeth?” He shoved a bar of soap into SLOP’s mouth. SOP happily began chewing on the ‘delicious mystery delicacy’. 

“Oh, my Mr. Mushroom, I love chalk too!” Deduline exclaimed, shoving a bottle full of radishes up Grimmothy’s nose. Several other students nodded and began trying to eat the chalkboard. 

“I see no difference, like, at all,” Tiso said as he watched Ze’mer wail on Thalia’s shoulder and Grimm flop around on the Nightmare King’s shoulder. 

“The difference is that the Nightmare King is a bit- no evil and Grimm is angry, whereas Ze’mer is just sad, and Thalia is a perfectly fine functioning being with some family issues,” Quirrel told him. SOAP tried to eat a bottle of shampoo. 

“I still see no difference,” Tiso stated bluntly before Molly fell and crushed him, again. Grimm wailed and flopped around before the Nightmare King picked him up and retreated into the closet while Ze’mer threw up flowers all over the room. 

“Toes,” stated Jake, as Toe split into seven different Toes, “are my bestest buddy.” 

“I,” Dave said as he drowned in flowers. Soon, the whole room was flooded with flowers, sparkly and shiny and showing off stupid light particles as they flopped around all over the place. Ze’mer fell onto Thalia’s head, who kept murmuring comforting words and stroking Ze’mer’s head even though it clearly was not working. 

“Can somebody strangle me and place my corpse on a bench so I’m not stuck in a puddle of infection?” requested Hollow, “Or shoot me, I don’t really care.” Tiso fell over and was sat on by Molly. 

“Is this a ship fanfic now?????? I thought it’s a crackfic???” Quirrel yelled, falling off a chair. 

“Ze’mer x Fritter’s Lord Doghter is canon so might as well just weasel it in,” Koi pointed out while Sheo tripped over the Nailsmith and rolled off the roof before turning upside down and floating away to the Nailsmith and Sheo’s astonishment. 

“I do not like nails,” stated Hornet, “They smell like dead adults. I do not like dead adults, I only like dead children, and the only dead children I like are dead siblings and dead Fly Conductor.” Lace screamed in anger and threw flies at Horen’t. 

“Misery,” Grimm stated matter-of-factly from the closet before flopping out grumpily. 

“Anybody? I just need to die and then I’ll go away,” Hollow asked while 29013920 children started eating chalk for no reason. SOAP fell off their chair to copy Quirrel. 

“H,” said Jake, “Toes are best buddies !” Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, and Toe morphed into even more Toes, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, and lastly, Toe. Jake squealed with joy as he and the Toes ran onto the tank and ran over some desks. 

“Toitlet clagged,” Blossom declared, popping out of the ground like a fu **RANJO STENYA** cking mole on steroids. 

**“SHUT UP, MY HEAD HURTS!!!!!!!!!”** Grimm screeched in bold for some reason even though his dialogue and opinion is completely invalid. 

“ I am so sad, ” stated Zemer, “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII, Che, Che, Che, Le’mer, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAIAIAIAIIIIIiIIIIIIIIIIII!?” 

“Are you,” Zote said before being run over by Hornet and Lace, who were very excited and hopping up and down like monkeys who’ve snorted Kool-Aid. 

“Namiva, baklava booptis,” stated Bretta intelligently, “Ha. You are so inferior because he has a BLUE TOOTH!” Grimmchild squealed and picked Zote’s head off. He screamed when the new blue tooth fell out. 

“Nooo ! Blue tooooth !” Zote cried, screaming. Horen’t, Lace, Bretta, and Zote ran crying and screeching after Grimmothy, who stuck out his tongue and flew into a wall. 

“I’m have a GRENE TOUTH!!!” the Pale Lurker cackle-whispered to God Tamer, who pried open her mouth to find out that she did in fact have a green tooth. Grimmothy was too busy being chased around for a blue tooth to notice that the Pale Lurker had a stupid green tooth with cheese stuck on it.

“Incredible!” exclaimed Quirrel, writing notes all over Tiso’s nose and eyes. Grimmothy ran into the wall again and fell down. Zote screamed and fell onto his wing. 

“Yuor face is made of germs now,” Carrie read aloud from Koi’s notebook. Suddenly, Blender turned into a very large virus. Koi shrieked angrily and fell into a bucket. Moi picked Koi up but also fell into the bucket, which contained acid. Both of them respawned on Carrie’s head. 

“Grimm turned into a vary lerge garm,” Carrie continued reading, “And slepped out of the Netmare Ging’s arms and rop, and fell out a car, run over, vroom vroom, exploded forever until Mightnare Ging apopopologizes???” Grimm immediately turned into a very large rat, slipped out of the rope, fell onto the tank, and began exploding so violently that even the Nightmare King would be damaged a lot. Grimm, still exploding, ran away screaming, as the Nightmare King followed, watching Grimm explode over and over like a newborn child. 

“I think that the authors of this fanfiction have reached a dead end,” Quirrel noted as Grimm fell on top of the Pale Thing’s toenail, still exploding. The Pale King shrieked angrily as the Nightmare King flopped onto Grimm before the Pale Creature’s toe flew off from the power of the explosion. With a disgusting plop, his toe landed on Quirrel’s forehead, splattering disgusting gunk and Pale Thing blood everywhere. Quirrel ignored this and continued writing notes like it was perfectly normal for a mangled toe to splat onto your face while you were scribbling graffiti all over your best friend’s nose. SOAP sneezed and Quirrel’s pencil flew away because it was a germaphobe. 

Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded.

“Can you read the part where I die?” asked Hollow, “I really need to die so I can go somewhere else, or maybe write and then read a part where I die?” 

Grimm continued exploding, just like Carrie had read. 

“Stop exploding!” the Nightmare King commanded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. 

“If you don’t stop I will do something that you seriously aren’t going to like,” the Nightmare King said to Grimm, who glared at him as he exploded. Grimmothy shrieked before Menderbug placed a door on his head, making him fall over and drop Zote’s blue tooth. 

“They really have reached a dead-end where they can’t even find anything interesting to write,” muttered Quirrel. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. 

“It is confirmed that I am now Grimm’s boyfriend,” the Nightmare King said before Grimm screamed and slapped him and threw a seizure and rolled around tossing flies everywhere and screamed some more before bursting into flames and setting the Pale King on fire. 

“NO!” Grimm shrieked, punching the Nightmare King and then exploding so violently that the classroom turned to dust. Grimm continued exploding angrily and not dying somehow. Hollow wondered if Grimm could explode on them so they could die already. Grimm exploded. 

“I TOLD you that you wouldn’t like it, now shut up and stop exploding,  _ honey _ ,” the Nightmare King spat slyly as Grimm threw up 500000 Grimmothies and set his face on fire. Ze’mer wailed something before throwing up 5 times as many flowers as Grimmothies, making Thalia very confused and concerned. 

“I’m going to explode, my life is already ruined, I am not your ‘honey’!” Grimm shrieked and flew away, screaming about something something fanfiction ending. Grimm exploded again. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded so much that my hands hurt from typing the words Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. 

“I’m a,” Hive Knight said happily, waving around his stupid weird sword thing that had Koi taped to it for some reason, “IT HAS!!!!!!!!! THE SHIP IS FLYING!!!!! FLYING AWAY ONTO PALE THING’S NOSEHAIRS!!!! IT IS!!!!!!”

  
  


“NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!” shrieked Grimm, exploding. He exploded and threw 920139102939012930219390945309384092380218093820983091283 random items at Hive Knight, before turning about and throwing 9023801328210938219038920183902183902183902810382938219038219038291038902183902183092839028308219048038490278123789312798378219 items at the Nightmare King and then exploding. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Moi fell off the chalkboard and landed on a rat. 

“It, is,” Jenny said evilly, with a wide stupid snotty grin on her face, “Boom boom time.” She pressed a remote and Carrie’s face exploded before setting all the other vessels on fire. Hollow sat in the middle of melted infection as their face caught on fire and their siblings ran around, screaming as the Nightmare King kept firing pet names at Grimm and as Hive Knight’s shoulders and kneecaps flew away to be one with the maskflies. 

Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm committed arson. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimmothy flew into a wall because he was fireproof but he couldn’t see through the fire. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. 

“I am going to fire you all,” the Radiance said, finally making everyone stop killing each other and screaming, except for Grimm, who ran out of the school as the Nightmare King ran after him, both of them screaming. Brumm drank his tea as he watched Divine attempt to eat a giant chunk of debris to no avail. 

“Please let me die already,” Hollow pleaded, “I am stuck here and I want to go back to the closet.” The Radiance ignored them and continued yelling at Grimm, who was exploding. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Hollow wondered whether sticking Oomas into their eyes would kill them. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. 

“Zote,” said Zote. 

“Bretta,” sang Bretta. 

“It has spread,” Cloth declared sadly, “Cloth.” 

“Zote.” 

“Bretta.” 

“Cloth.” 

“I am not hollow, I am Hollow and I’m stuck, will someone please kill me right now?” 

“I am NOT SOAP!!!!!!!” 

“It is,” Hive Knight announced. 

“I’m crying right now,” stated Isma as she was teleported into the room. SOAP ate her eye off. 

“I’m, too,” Koi said. 

“YOU CALLING ME THAT JUST MAKES ME EVEN ANGRIER!!!” Grimm screeched as the Nightmare King floated around him like an annoying fly, “sTOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!111!” Grimm exploded. 

“That’s are such sad I will throw the flower ups,” sobbed Hammer. They picked up some Delicate Flowers and threw them into their eyes, which caused them to start shaking and throwing up flowers. Ze’mer copied and threw up 3092049204 the same amount of flowers. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. 

“All you idiots are stupid, anyway, it’s lunchtime, and nobody learned anything because of the stupid Pale King,” the Radiance said grumpily before tossing Molly into a wall and smashing several students. 

“LIGHT!!!!!!!! A SAD, LONELYYYY LIIIIIIIIIGHTTT!!!” shrieked the Seer, pointing to the Nightmare King, who was still shooting annoying pet names at Grimm, who kept exploding. Grimm exploded more. And more. And more. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. 

“Yes, anyway, I’m officially taken,” the Nightmare King said before Grimm barreled into a wall like Grimmothy and gave himself a concussion before falling down onto his face again, completely knocked out. The Nightmare King happily picked him up before teleporting into their classroom again. Hive Knight and all the other smelly teachers rolled into Grimm’s classroom as well, muttering about how awesome lunch will be because too much has happenned and their ears hurt from the stupid buzzsaw noises as the Pale Creature chased after his toes that were floating away. 

“wOULD YOU LIKE SOME FOOD?” Divine yelled, shoving an orange up Hollow’s nose, “Hey, you aren’t a student, why are you here?” Hollow sighed before the Radiance dumped a bunch of orange juice onto them again. She then floated away, muttering about doing stupid things in Grimm’s smelly classroom. 


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lunch and start of sparring

Grimm was still stupid and knocked out. 

“He has a concussion!” the Nightmare King declared. Grimm exploded while he was unconscious. Grimm exploded again. Grimm exploded. 

“I live in the cupboard,” Hollow stated, “But the Radiance has been pouring orange juice on me for the past two days, so now I can’t move. Can you kill me?” Grimm fell off the desk. 

“How did you know that he has a concussion?” Lemm asked pointedly, “He could just be asleep, and last I checked, you suck at Medical stuff.”

“I asked him if he had a concussion,” the Nightmare King said matter-of-factly as he held Grimm’s stupid knocked-out body, “I told him, ‘If you have a concussion say nothing, but if you don’t have a concussion, then tell me.’ Then, he stayed silent for a very long time, meaning that he must have a concussion.” 

“You are stupid beyond belief,” Monomon stated grumpily as she shoved a Tiktik into her eye. 

“Hm, why yes, I do enjoy Grimm’s company, which is why he and I are in a relationship. Oh, yeah, he’s a handful,” the Nightmare King said, talking to a mangled foot that came out of nowhere, “Oh? What’s that? Ah, we’ve just gotten together! I am honestly so happy about it, even though we are technically the same person meaning that I am a loser who is dating myself! It’s fine though, because Grimm’s technically still alive, and…” The Nightmare King babbled on and on to the dismembered foot, who wasn’t even saying anything because it was a disembodied foot. 

Maybe  _ you _ could kill me?” asked Hollow, still in a weird pile of orange juice. Grimm exploded. Grimm was still unconscious. Grimm exploded. 

“Socks,” Hive Knight whispered. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded again. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded. 

“Stop with explosives it doesn’t make SENSE since he doesn’t have his powers yet back,” Koi said before flopping out the roof and dying. 

“No,” said Moi, because she couldn’t think of anything else. Grimm exploded again. Quirrel fell off onto a table and began attempting to eat a noodle. A single noodle. Grimm suddenly woke up and hopped out of the Nightmare King’s arms before coughing up a wad of hemolymph and phlegm that landed on the Radiance’s face. 

“GET OUT OF MY CLASS YOU IDIOT KINGSOUL PIECES OF GARBAGE!!” he screamed, picking up all the teachers in his class that weren’t supposed to be there and tossing them out. The Nightmare King backed away, whistling and acting like he totally wasn’t there at all. 

“I am not in your classroom, this is my classroom, but you exploded and burned it down,” Monomon snapped, “You owe me new tanks, books, a chalkboard, and lights.” 

“Can someone kill me yet? Nightmare King? Maybe you can?” Hollow continued asking. Grimm exploded. Grimm exploded because he did. Grimm exploded. 

“No, this is MY CLASS!” Grimm screeched, pointing to the class that clearly said ‘Music Classroom’ before picking up Monomon and tossing her out. Monomon huffed before flopping away to go bother the Radiance, who was shoving oranges and cursed mangoes down Molly’s throat. 

“... Can  _ anyone _ kill me? Grimm, maybe you? Vent anger or something? Someone just kill me so I can go away?” asked Hollow. The Radiance appeared and poured more orange juice on their head before teleporting away. 

“No, you’re not doing anything wrong, so I’m not going to kill you,” Grimm snapped, glowering. He then turned around to glare at the Nightmare King, who was waving around the dismembered foot happily. With an angry screech, he barreled into the Nightmare King, making him drop his foot. He started slapping the Nightmare King, screaming and shrieking angrily in doing so. 

“Well, you certainly seem joyous to see me,” the Nightmare King mused bluntly as Grimm threw a fit of seizures and smacked the Nightmare King again, tossing a desk across the room before smacking his head onto the Nightmare King’s chest. Grimm slapped the Nightmare King again before kicking his shin and melting into a puddle of misery. 

“APOLOGIZE!” Grimm shrieked angrily, “YOU DISGUSTING WAD OF DIRT AND MOLDY INSANE PERSON WHO TALKS TO BODY PARTS, YOU SHRIVELED UP IMPUDENT GOOD-FOR-NOTHING POOR EXCUSE OF A HIGHER BEING STUPID  _ NOT _ BOYFRIEND, APOLOGIZE!!!!!!!”

“This is so interesting,” Quirrel said, watching from the window. 

“Fine, FINE! I’M SORRY, ALRIGHT? IF YOU QUIT SHRIEKING AT ME, I’LL JUST BREAK UP WITH YOU! IT’S NO BIG DEAL, AND YOU NEVER EVEN AGREED ANYWAY SO WE COULDN’T GET TOGETHER IF I WANTED TO!” the Nightmare King yelled as Grimm hopped up and down angrily like a drunken muncle’s unkey. SOAp flopped out of the window, screaming as Hollow’s nose flew away and smacked Marissa’s stupid face before knocking Lemm over and terrorizing the students outside. 

“Can  _ you _ kill me? You can kill me, can’t you?” Hollow requested. 

“I HATE YOU!!!” shrieked Grimm as he slapped the Nightmare King and threw up several organs and electric guitars. Brumm walked into the room and began playing, ‘Master is Fighting His Majesty But I Just Want To Let Them Know That I Really Really Really Need A Raise’ on his accordion. 

“ALRIGHT, I CAN TELL!” the Nightmare King screamed, “NOW QUIT HITTING ME, I APOLOGIZED! I’M NOT GOING TO TRY THAT AGAIN IF YOU REACTED SO VIOLENTLY LIKE THIS SO STOP HITTING ME, ALRIGHT?!”

“This is such a wholesome apology,” muttered Quirrel. Grimmchild nodded. 

“It really  _ is _ wholesome,” Grimm snarled.

“Are we being actually sincere or sarcastic?” the Nightmare King shot back, crossing his arms. 

“Well, you better be sincere, or I’m going to kill everyone in this school,” Grimm snapped as the Nightmare King huffed angrily. 

“Oh, then I hope he was being sarcastic,” said Hollow, “I need someone to kill me, nobody is listening.” The Pale Thing appeared and started screaming about no voice. 

“I can’t believe how much juicy drama happens here!’ Marissa exclaimed before Grimm picked her up and tossed her out of the classroom.

“Everyone here is a butthole, a complete waste of space,” the Radiance muttered, “Nobody is right and nobody is wrong, we all suck equally. Even me, I’m a sucky person because I tried to take everything from the Pale Creature, and the Pale Thing retaliated by murdering his children and berating them. Hell, even Grimm and the Nightmare King suck, they hate each other, and the Nightmare King is greedy for power, and Grimm is stupid for helping him. Grimmothy has no morals, Quirrel is depressed, and nobody here wins in the end.”

  
  


“Everyone in  _ existence  _ is a butthole,” Grimm corrected, “ _ especially  _ Marissa and Hive Nitwit.” 

“What a wholesome fanfiction,” said Quirrel. Grimmothy ripped out his teeth. 

“Alright, but Myla did nothing wrong,” Lemm pointed out. Everyone nodded, muttering in agreement before Grimm started yelling at the Nightmare King again. 

“I let my siblings die! And let Ghost fall! Aren’t you mad at me?” screeched Hollow, “Somebody kill me already! I’ve been requesting that for the past five hours!” 

“That’s lovely, I kill myself and my children over and over again as well as enslave my servants and hurt my friends in the process,” Grimm stated bluntly, “And you think that YOU’RE a bad guy? Nope, I’m a complete nut, especially since I’m over here worshipping this idiot next to me who hates everyone and feeds off of misery.” Grimm pointed to the Nightmare King, who stuck out his tongue at him before setting Sly’s head on fire. 

“That’s fair, but I worship him.” Hollow pointed to the King’s Idol they had. Godseeker yelled something about cringe before the Radiance yelled something about her being more cringe than even a SOAPy thing that was eating soap over there. 

“Arson,” said the Nightmare King. Grimm facepalmed. 

“I’m going to hit you with my fat nail,” said Sly, “And I will knock all the Geo out of you and then I will be satisfied, let me hit the Geo out of you.” 

“Painting is so joyful,” said the Nailsmith. 

“I love it when I accidentally kill my pupil using a painbrush too,” Sheo replied happily. 

“I’M,” stated Ze’mer before barfing flowers onto Grimm’s face. The Nightmare King looked at her with disgust. 

“This is such wholesome,” said Hornet as she murdered her sibling. 

“Grimm,” said the Nightmare King.

“No,” Grimm replied, shutting himself inside of a bean can as Brumm played ‘I Need A Raise, I Need A Raise, I Seriously Need A Raise, No Really, I Need A Raise,” on his accordion. 

“I need a rock,” said Divine as she ate a rock and then threw it up on Grimm for some reason. 

“Grimm,” said the Nightmare King again, shaking Grimm’s shoulder, who was currently picking up fireballs and tossing them at Divine’s forehead. 

“NO!”

“Dare,” cackled Divine before Grimm slapped her and went back into his bean can. 

“I don’t even know what’s going on anymore,” Grimmothy remarked, “Everything should be going back to normal funny arson ha ha but Quirrel is having a seizure for some reason and now the conversation turned from lightheartedness to Grimm being depressed and everyone being unhappy and the Pale Thing being sad because he hates the Radiance.” Quirrel was having a seizure for some unknown reason as Monomon ran into a chalkboard downstairs. 

“Let’s curse everyone ! Funny is!” Divine screeched. Grimmothy shook his head as Grimm slapped Divine, yelling about no dares and undoing the Quirrel seizure. 

“Grimm,” the Nightmare King said grumpily, “Grimm. Grimm. Grimm. Grimm.”

“OH MY NIGHTMARE FLAME, WHAT?!” Grimm shrieked, turning around to look at the Nightmare King. 

“Buy my cookies! They are fresh! Buy my cookies or I turn  _ you _ into a cookie!” Millybug shouted, throwing boxes of cookies on the ground. The Nightmare King reached for a box labeled, “Nola”. 

“NOOOOOO !” shouted Cloth, “DO NOT EAT NOLA!” Millybug cackled as Quirrel turned into a cookie and respawned. The Pale King fell off a ledge and teleported back home as SLOP continued to eat Isma’s eyeball. 

“Sorry, but I just wanted to ask one thing: Why do you hate me so much?” the Nightmare King asked Grimm, who was tossing rocks at Divine. 

“I hate you today,” muttered Grimm, tossing a pebble at the Nightmare King, “and possibly tomorrow if you continue being annoying.” 

“If  _ I’m _ really annoying will you kill me?” asked Hollow. 

“No, only the Stupid King,” Grimm replied grumpily.

“Yeah, only me,” the Nightmare King said, sticking his tongue out at Hollow, “Get your own annoying little stinky thing that’s your slave, don’t use  _ mine _ .”

“I’d kill myself, but I can’t move.” 

“Do you want orange juice? Of course you do!” The Radiance poured orange juice on Hollow’s head. It dripped down and continued to glue Hollow to the floor. 

“I am going to cry,” Grimm stated tiredly, “You are all insufferable. I didn’t even get to eat all day, I was too busy trying to get you idiots away.” The Nightmare King shoved a flame into his mouth, muttering about how if he was starving, he could’ve just told the Nightmare King and he could shovel flames into his stinky mouth. Grimm sighed. 

“I am a yam,” stated Grimmothy as Zote turned into a yam. 

“I am going to drive you all insane because I am bored and I am god so you can’t stop me,” said the Radiance, turning on the Radiance theme, nonstop before pouring even more orange juice onto Hollow’s fat, extremely long head. 

“I cry,” said SOAP, “Becuaase IIIIIII am GREIMMM!!!! I DO NOTE PAY CHILDREN SUPPORT!! BECUASE I AME GRREIIIMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

“I do  _ not _ sound like that! I’m giving you an F because I feel like it and everything is your fault because you started the stupid Hollow Knight game in the first place!” Grimm shouted indignantly. 

“Tim Charry, not eme,” SOAP interjected.

“An idea instilled, that’s how Hollow Knight was made,” Hollow muttered. The Pale Thing suddenly kicked down the door to Grimm’s classroom and flopped in majestically.

“SO I HEARD YOU HAVE AN IDEA INSTILLED?!” he screamed as Grimm slammed his head onto the desk. 

“No,” said Hollow, “I am not Hollow, wrong person, I’m not even a vessel, please go away.” 

“YUO ARE THE- wait, I need a new vessel,” the Pale Thing looked around and spotted Grimmothy, who was happily ripping out teeth. He cackled evilly before rolling up to Grimmchild, who suspected nothing.

“Hey, kid,” the Pale Thing screeched, “YOU WANT SOME CANDY?” Grimmothy looked at him in confusion.

“OH FU **_GASOOOOOOOOO_ ** CK, I WANT CANDY,” Grimm exclaimed as he flopped over to the Pale Thing, who looked at him with disgust.

“You are obviously not hollow, now go away. I’m trying to kidnap your kid so I can stick the Radiance in his head, and you already have a crazy guy in your head, so begone!” the Pale Thing yelled, tossing cheese and buzzsaws everywhere. Grimm slid across the room before the Nightmare King picked him up to give him a brain check. 

“You don’t need anyone hollow, why don’t you use Lurien? Or even better, just use a buzzsaw,” Grimm replied grumpily as the Nightmare King held him up, looking at his head to see if there was any damage. There wasn’t. 

“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY CANDY!!!” spat Grimmothy, “LIAR!!!!!!!” He threw the Pale Thing’s fancy purse out the window and took the teeth, flying away. 

“What is with all the male Higher Beings having stuff that’s aimed for females?” Quirrel muttered as the Nightmare King walked around in high heels. 

“I have very buff arms,” said Marissa, “I am going to use them to throw Grimm out the window because I’m bored, and that is sexist.” 

“Is it?” asked Hollow, “Nothing here applies to me because I don’t contribute anything and don’t even have a gender.” 

“I have a purse,” the Radiance said as she smacked Grimm’s face with her purse, earning her a glare from the Nightmare King. Molly peed on Quirrel’s notebook. 

“Noooooooo !” shouted Quirrel as the Pale Lurker threw mold up his nose. 

“Crossdress if you want, I do not care, and technically neither Grimm nor the Nightmare King have genders because they do not have genitalia or buttholes,” the Radiance stated grumpily as she smacked Molly with her purse. 

“Nightmare K I N G, and nobody has that,” stated Grimmothy, “Nightmare K I N G.” 

“We are all vessels, even you,” Grimm said as he pointed to the Nightmare King. 

“You gave yourselves pronouns, I didn’t, that’s why I’m still genderless while you people have genders,” Hollow pointed out. 

“I m she he her him they he are am I it we pee they can is are us COMMUNIST,” SOAP said matter-of-factly, “ommon knowledge, yuo stupids. It, is. I AM!!!!!”

“YOUR’RE PRONOUN ARE SOP, SLOP, SOAP, SOPA, SOUP, SOPU, AND SOPL!!!!” shrieked Blossom, cackling like the Pale Lurker. 

“Chair,” Hammer whispered into Grimm’s stupid nonexistent ear. Afro cackled. Grimm had a seizure and exploded. 

“Aren’t we vessels the best?” said Hollow, “We annoy and kill people who don’t  _ want  _ to die, but we won’t bother even  _ trying _ to kill people who want to die, like  _ me _ ! Somebody  _ kill me already _ !” 

“Uuuuuhguugughuhguhguhughuhguhughuhguhugh,” Grimm groaned, sounding like he was dying because he was dying. The Nightmare King tried and failed to comfort him. Suddenly, the stupid bell rang, and Grimm flopped off his desk and landed on the floor with a loud plop. The Nightmare King picked him up and walked out of the classroom towards the Sparring fields because their next class was Sparring.

“Stupid,” said the Radiance for no reason as she punched the Collector’s face in with her purse, “All of you. Idiots.”

“Was a class delayed?” Quirrel asked, noticing the clock was at 12:30. 

“No, Grimm’s clock is broken,” Dung Defender replied, “But I would get going if I were you, the Nightmare King doesn’t take late students very well.” 

_______________________________________________________________

“RUSAIN ROULETTE? RISUASSN RLOOUTE? SROEIUUH ROULEYKTURTE??????” Afro asked, tripping over Zemmoth’s eyelid and flopping onto Rainle, “???????????????”

“That solely depends,” Grimm replied, “You need to do sparring. You all suck at basic defense mechanisms, so shut up.”

“I second that claim, they are all pathetic when facing off with an opponent,” the Nightmare King replied, “Like, I just walk up to them and set them on fire, no challenge or anything. All they do is scream and run away, not even trying to fight back! Reminds me of the first time I met you.”

“Are you insulting me?” Grimm hissed. The Nightmare King shrugged. 

“Pardon, sir, but you cannot blame us for not being able to defend ourselves, you are a Higher Being, and we are not. We may be punished for raising our fists, whereas you are not,” Quirrel replied. The Nightmare King scoffed. 

“So? It’s not like I’d let them punish you if you beat me or something, even I have at least some sense of respect for those who speak up.”

“I’M A TREE TRUNK!!!!!” screeched a vessel. 

“You’re a stupid no min dto thnik,” Honret said grumpily as she poked SOAP’s eyes out with her stupid spaghetti bendy needle curling around her toes and up her nose and out her eyes and around Lace’s flies. 

“IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII, HAVE DASE!!!! H!!!!!!” Dave shrieked, dashing across the area and drinking a pile of orange juice. Hornet ate his arm and threw his foot to the other side of the yard. 

“I want to see the Nightmare King and Grimm fight even though we know who will win,” Myla said, “Since they say they’re so good at sparring.”

“They just did fight, didn’t you see Grimm slapping and yelling at the Nightmare King?” asked Quirrel, “That was a fight!” 

“No, like actually fight! With their powers! And blades! Not just one-sided punching as Grimm tries and fails to punch the Nightmare King, who isn’t even trying to hit him!” Myla exclaimed, raising her pickaxe, “I want some action!”

“Fine, fine, fine. After class, if you idiots spar well, then sure,” Grimm snapped. The Nightmare King smiled tartly. 

“Oh? Are you sure about that, Grimm?”

“No fire powers allowed, blades only,” Grimm snarled, “And yes, I’m sure. If it makes the kids shut their traps and spar, fair enough. Now, go on, get your weapons.”

“Breaking news, Dad 1 is grumpy again for no reason,” announced Grimmothy, “I’ll go tell the rest of the school about the exciting match between two crusty old men.” 

“LCAE AND I CN WRESTLE SO WELL!!!” Hornet shrieked, poking Lace’s eyes, “I BEETED HER!! ME!!!! I DID, BECAUSE I DID!!! STUPID, HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Such nice,” stated Moi as she cracked 210 nails with her face. 

“Me,” Lace stated before jumping onto Hornet for no reason, kicking up stupid dust and stuff everywhere as they rolled around, shrieking. Hornet punched Lace several times as Lace kicked Hornet’s legs, making her fall over and tumble around in the dead, burnt up, crusty grass as classmates watched them. 

Koi picked up the mace she used last class, which immediately crushed her. Macebug ran away and the fandom began chanting, “COMMIT ARSON! COMMIT ARSON! COMmIT ARSON!” for no reason at all. 

“Why are you two idiots wrestling now? Save your energy for later, you wads of dirt,” Grimm hissed as he peeled Lace off of Hornet’s stupid nose, tossing them both away from each other to go pick up weapons or something. 

“KETCHUP!” yelled Horen’t as Lace set her foot on fire. Grimm was too tired to deal with the two stupids, so he went over to sit back down next to the Nightmare King, who was trying to translate Grimm’s handwriting for Grimmothy, who could not read cursive. 

“Toes, will I be insane? Yes indeed!!!!” Jared shouted happily before shooting a high heel at Quirrel’s arm, “FOR THE I AM MIGHTNARE GING!” 

“Why are you idiots here?” Grimm asked grumpily, “You’re not in my Sparring class, go to Soul Master’s classroom to learn how to cast spells or something! Shoo! Begone!”

“FOR TOES!!!! INSANE I AM!!!!!” Jared screeched, being pushed away to the fake Soul Sanctum classroom for idiots like Soul Master. Toe yelped and folowed him, carrying their stupid tank as Carrie ran into a tree, forgetting which class she was in. Grimm sighed. The vessels were very stupid. 

“We  _ are _ all insane, can someone kill me yet?” called Hollow from Grimm’s classroom. 

“Have you all picked your weapons yet? I do not have all day, my eyes are going to fall out any moment now!” Grimm exclaimed impatiently, a foot growing out of the end of his right leg and tapping on the ground as he placed his hands on his hips, glaring at the students. 

“He ate a squirrel,” stated Dave sadly as Jake began choking, “I want one too.” 

“Thsis my weapon,” Koi said, holding up a pencil as Grimm’s eyes popped out of his head and his foot flew away due to how impatient he was, “I will blind anyone with horrid drawings.” She then proceeded to draw a very bad scribble that resembled a bar of SOAP, making everyone’s eyes fall off from how much they hated it. 

“Two,” said Moi, picking up a pencil as well. 

“No great too cost,” SOAP stated matter-of-factly, holding up their stupid blunt nail. Quirrel nodded because he wanted to be a good friend. 

“Me, I’m a foot,” asked Dave, “Would like a squirrel. WANT A SQUIRREL!!!! T A S T y !!!!!!” 

“I got my weapon,” said Bretta, who was the last one to choose. She dragged a very fat heavy stick behind her that would clearly not be a good weapon, but nobody cared to point it out.

“You sure about that?” Grimm asked. Bretta nodded. Sighing, Grimm formed a stupid blade around his arm and flopped away to the Nightmare King, who was talking to the same dismembered foot from the beginning of this chapter. 

“NO! STOP TALKING TO FEET!” Grimm screamed.

“What is wrong with talking to feet?”

“You’re insane when you talk to feet!” 

“I am always insane,” the Nightmare King said monotonously. 

“You’re even  _ more _ insane!” The Nightmare King rolled his eyes before tossing the foot away and leaning on his arm that already had a stupid blade formed around it. 

“My feet pop like bird bones,” yelled Lace, “That is my battle cry! Be afraid, feel the fear!” 

“SHAW!” Hornet screeched, sticking her finger up Lace’s nose, “SHAW! ADINO! GIT GUD!!!!!!! GARAMA!!!!” Grimm facepalmed as all the students came up with terrible war cries and catchphrases that made absolutely no sense at all. 

“I WILL USE LASER TREE!!!” shrieked Hammer, “THONK?” 

“You are a foot,” stated the Seer before lasering Hammer out of existence, only to find out that it wasn’t actually Hammer, but a Delicate Flower with a smiley face painted on it. 

“Why are you here?! Get out!” Grimm yelled, slapping the weird senile thing away. She fell over and started crying about how lonely the “Light” was and how the only friend the sad sad Light had was herself and how she needed the moths, so very very sad. 

“BE AFRAID!!! MY BATTLE CRY WILL MAKE YOU SO SCARED YOUR ARMS WILL RUN aWAY IN FEAR AND WHEN THE NIGHTMARE KING PICKS THEM UP HE WILL BE SCARED TO!!!!” Lace shrieked, “MY FEET! POP LIKE BIRD BONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Hornet gasped, then threw an Ooma at Lace, who spat an insult and ran straight into the wall because she lost the magical gift of good eyes. 

“Yes feet poop like bird nose?” asked Sharpe. Quirrel tied him up and did a weird handstand, which ended with Sharpe hanging upside down in the air, and Quirrel’s arms and legs tangled up like an evil noodle with more malice in it than the Nightmare King. 

“Grimm, Quirrel’s legs are challenging my evilness,” the Nightmare King said angrily, pointing to Quirrel’s legs, which were literally not doing anything except flopping around like dying snakes. Grimm turned around to look at Quirrel’s legs then slapped the Nightmare King.

“You are as stupid as the day I met you,” he snapped. 

“They are challenging me,” the Nightmare King repeated. 


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> people do the splits plus a terrible poem

“This so are is romnatic,” Hive Knight said as he danced around Grimm’s stupid oversized head, pelting the Nightmare King’s small beady eyes with stupid dead flowers and frogs’ legs. No seriously, Grimm’s head was super oversized. Like, he should be falling over from how fat it is. Also, apparently, his arms are canonically very very very long. I wonder what he would look like if he was only like a head and two very long arms?

“I’m going to rip off Quirrel’s legs,” the Nightmare King decided, cutting off Koi’s stupid rant about how Grimm’s head should pop off like a shade, “They really, really, really piss me off. I don’t know why, but they do. They’re laughing. At me.”

“You are stupider than a rock stuck in Hornet’s eye,” Grimm grumbled as Hive Knight shoved a wilted Delicate Flower up his nose. 

“What did my legs do to you?” asked Quirrel as his legs did nothing at all and he just sat there while Sharpe complained about bendy arms. 

“Not the foggiest clue,” the Nightmare King replied, getting ready to cut off poor Quirrel’s legs before Grimm pulled him back and yelled about how the students haven’t even DONE anything yet, so wait until later to shove a blade down their eye sockets. The Nightmare King sighed because he really did want to have more random body parts that he could talk to. 

“Shocks and sips,” stated Hive Knight. 

“He have the last power the two speck,” stated Moi, confusing Grimm and the Nightmare King. 

“Are you,” stated the Seer before Grimm picked her up and tossed her out of the stupid Sparring area. Nobody knew why she was there. 

“Okay, all of you suck at flexibility, so I decided that today we are going to crack our limbs and work on acrobatics and stuff because you all are stupid,” Grimm said to the 36 smelly students in his class. Grimm rolled over to the stupid platform, skittering around like a smelly spider as Hornet stared at him in confusion.

“He turned into me?” Hornet muttered, too stupid to figure out what the heck was happening. Lace facepalmed and smacked Hornet’s head away. Jake caught it and shoved her head into Hive Knight’s nose. Hive Knight spat out some smelly bees in response. 

“Quirrel, come up here to demonstrate,” Grimm said, “I would, but I’m too lazy and you’re clearly quite flexible.” Quirrel flopped onto the stage and did a perfect split. Grimm clapped very unenthusiastically. 

“POOP,” said Hive Knight. 

“Your sense of humor is that of a three-year-old idiot, shut up,” Monomon snapped, throwing a very large whiteboard eraser at him from the third story window. 

“Shut UP, I’m teaching!” Grimm screamed before turning around and pointing to Quirrel, who was still doing the stupid splits. 

“See, now this is what you should all be able to do, but for some reason, you refuse to do your homework, so now everyone is inflexible,” Grimm stated sourly as the Nightmare King kicked himself in the face because he was flexible, “Alright, Quirrel, you may stop. Now, all of you need to get your stupid mats, we need to warm up before doing this otherwise you’ll get hurt and your parents will sue the school and we will lose the case because the Nightmare King is violent and I will lose my job. What are you all standing there and gawking at me for? Go on, warm up!” Grimm tossed a boot at Jake, who yelped before running into Tiso. Both of them were squashed by Molly as Grimm facepalmed. 

“I will burn out everyone’s teeth if you don’t get it first try because it’s a good excuse for genocide,” the Nightmare King declared happily. 

“No, like I said, we will get sued! You can chase them around the track or something throwing fireballs instead, but no teeth ripping during stretching. AND THAT INCLUDES YOU, GRIMMOTHY!!” Grimm yelled, “Also, Nightmare King, put that Medieval Stretcher away, that’s just going to earn us even more lawsuits!” The Nightmare King and Grimmothy sighed simultaneously. Grimmothy ripped out Zote’s blue tooth one last time as the Nightmare King pushed the Torture Device back into his shed, muttering about how he never got any fun. 

“Let’s turn into teeth !” said Grimmothy, losing his mind over the fact he could not rip out teeth. 

“Why would we use weapons for stretching,” Bretta muttered. Grimm pointed to the sky as the Nightmare King flung fire and Primal Asspids everywhere. 

“That’s why. Now go run the track. Once you finish a lap, you may rest assured that you aren’t a possible target for the Nightmare King,” Grimm said as the Nightmare King cackled evilly, chasing the students, who were screaming bloody murder. 

“This is not PE, why are we running to stretch our ability to speck?” asked Dave confusedly, “Are the branch with legs?????? WHYYY!!!!!” 

“You need to kick like this,” said Grimm grumpily as he kicked himself in the eye due to how flexible he was. Students gawked and stared in awe and astonishment, for having the ability to kick yourself in the eye during a fight is very useful. The Nightmare King clapped and cheered before setting Severin’s face on fire and smacking a Primal Aspid onto Ivy’s face. 

“Kicking your own eye is very useful in battle or any situation,” Quirrel noted, writing down notes with his “demonic” legs that were “challenging the evilness of the Nightmare King.” 

“Precept 58: Kicking yourself in the eye is very useful,” Zote stated matter-of-factly. SOAP and Tiso nodded in agreement before Tiso was crushed by Molly and SOAP’s head popped off because of the Nightmare King’s stupid fireballs. 

“See?” shrieked the Nightmare King, “HIS LEGS ARE CHALLENGING MY EVILNESS!!! I NEED TO RIP THEM OFF! I AM THE ONLY SUPREME EVIL THING HERE!” 

“What,” said Grimm, “My foot is stuck to my eye. Wait, nevermind.” He ripped his foot out of his eye, resulting in it detaching itself from his leg and flying away, landing on the Pale Lurker’s stupid stinky face. The Pale Lurker blinked her smelly eyes before God Tamer’s Beast ate the foot. The Nightmare King screamed in anger, for he wanted to grab the foot and talk to it or eat it or something. Grimm rolled his eyes. 

“I can kick in the I!” shrieked Jake, kicking Dave’s eye. Dave screeched, melting into a weird-looking puddle, and began making sounds that resembled the sounds of a spoon being drilled onto a piano with a screwdriver. Grimm facepalmed as several other idiots did the same, yelling about how amazing they were for kicking the I’s. 

“No, not each other's eyes, you OWN eyes!” Grimm shrieked, “Also, the flexibility of this allows you to do a bunch of weird acrobatics that we’ll get into later. Now, I would start running if I were you, Jake’s head just got blown off by a fireball.” 

“I  _ CAN _ KICK I!!!!” screeched Hammer, kicking Quirrel, but missing his eye because he was so high up. Their foot became tangled in Quirrel’s leg. They ran away screaming as Quirrel’s leg turned into a very very yellow noodle thing. The Nightmare King promptly set both of them on fire.

“That is not warming up the students!” Grimm shrieked. 

“Yes, it is,” the Nightmare King replied as he set more students on fire. Grimm fell face-first onto the pavement, groaning from exhaustion and frustration. 

“Isn’t Dad 2  _ such _ a nice teacher? Wow, he is  _ soooooooooo _ nice to us students!” Grimmothy shrieked, “Even though he is mean, Dad 1 is even worse because I can’t rip out teeth and it’s  _ his _ stupid rule!” He continued to complain loudly as Grimm toppled over again. 

“Stop it, that was my only glowing red tooth,” muttered Grimm as Germothy ripped out the glowing bright red tooth. 

“What the heck,” Bretta muttered as Grimm’s bright red glowy tooth flew out of his mouth. The Nightmare King grinned, showing off his rows of bright red glowy teeth as he danced around Grimm, chuckling and chortling about how he had a lot of bright red teeth and Grimm didn’t. Grimm looked at him with a confused expression as Grimmothy’s charred tooth fell from his mouth and tumbled onto Zote’s stupid head. 

“I’m finally done!” Myla gasped, flopping onto the bench at the end of the track. She wiped her brow, huffing as several slower students exploded. Grimmothy cackled as he ripped out her unique tooth, which was a weird glowy lamp tooth, which was nice but had like 90920 cavities and stains on it. As the last student flopped onto the bench, Grimm slid down onto the floor, trying to see if he was still stupid and flexible. He was both. The Nightmare King clapped, seeing Grimm do the stinky splits perfectly before Grimm scuttled up like a dying spider and flopped over to the bench full of stupid brainless students who were all panting heavily because of the Nightmare King’s ‘Very Fun Game.’

**_I AM GORB!!!_ ** ” screamed Gorb, “ **_ASCEND, ASCEND! ASCEND WITH GORB!!!!!_ ** ”

“Can you do the splits?” Grimm asked Gorb. Gorb thought about it for a moment before replying.

“Why, of course not! Gorb does not have legs!”

“Then please go away.” Gorb sighed before floating away to who knows where while Grimm slapped mats everywhere so that the students could stretch and stuff. 

“I am TOE’S BEST BUDDY!” screamed Jake, flopping and dying because he couldn’t do the splits because he had fat, not bendy at all legs. 

“NO, ME!” Jared shrieked back, “TOE IS ARE GRERERIM NAD I AM GRITHCMARE NING@!!!!!!! TOE IS BEST BUDDY My, NOT YUORS’!!!!!!!”

“Children, children, children!” Grimm exclaimed, “You all must learn to share! Toe can be both Jared’s friend and Jake’s friend at the same time! After all, there is only one Toe, and they are one-of-a-kind even though all you vessels literally have no brains and bore me to death.”

“I  _ KNEW _ YOU WERE A COMMUNIST!!!” SOAP screamed as they pointed at Grimm, who sighed as Toe ripped themself in half, one piece floating over to Jared and the other flopping over to Jake. 

“Hi,” said Toe 1. 

“Hi,” said Toe 2. 

“Ih,” said Toes 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, and 17. 

“Well, that works,” Grimm said before turning around to scream at the students, “ALRIGHT, NOW GET ON A STUPID MAT, WE DON’T HAVE ALL DAY!!!!” The students on the bench flopped off and smacked their faces onto a mat, drooling as snot dribbling out of their noses and Lace tossed a fly into Hornet’s ears. 

“I am a not,” Dave said sadly as his foot extended and smacked Jake’s face, “My, not flexible.” His leg curled around Jake’s head twice before Jake bit Dave’s stupid curly foot. Dave let out a high-pitched screech before his foot flung itself backward like a stupid spring bouncing back before hitting him in the face. 

“That is not a good way to stretch,” Grimm said grumpily, “You aren’t even doing it right! Front splits, left leg forward and right leg back! And for the millionth time, HIPS IN THE CENTER! Try your best to turn to the left side! Then push yourself as far down as you can, otherwise, I’m gonna go over there and step on you until you are all the way down!”

“Yuo sound like my Kung Fu instructor,” Koi noted before Grimm picked up a boot and smacked her into the ground, making her legs crack as she did the splits. Hornet and several other students cringed as they stared at Koi’s stupid, broken, cracked, voidy legs. 

“My foot bones are like cracked birds,” said Lace. 

“Har har har,” said Hornet, cackling at Lace, “I can go farther downer than YUO! HEE HEE HEE!!!” Lace rolled her eyes before shifting around and going farther down while doing an almost perfect front split. Hornet growled as Lace stuck her tongue out at her because now she seemed like an inflexible idiot. Quirrel scribbled down notes everywhere, not having to worry at all because, for some weird reason, he was very flexible. Several students had no trouble doing the splits with others struggling and screaming angrily, toppling over as they lost their balance.

“You don’t need to put your arms up, that’s for later,” Grimm snapped as several students tried and failed to balance, “Just try to push yourself all the way down for now. Later, we’ll put our arms up, and if you touch the floor, then I’m going to crack your legs as I did to Koi.” Students grimaced as Grimm finished his last statement. They then began to flop around faster, trying to push themselves all the way down so that Grimm wouldn’t come by with the big scary boot attached to the big scary stick and start smacking their backs until their legs went crackle poof. 

“He is learning, but that is only the start,” stated the Nightmare King, “Where is the fire? Even though he is hitting the students, it is still boring because nobody is dying and there is no fire!” 

“Because this doesn’t  _ REQUIRE _ any flames or anything, I’m just trying to make them do the splits!” Grimm shrieked back as he smacked Ivy, who couldn’t do the splits because she had no legs. 

“This are splets, do not smack me,” Grimmothy told Grimm with his wings on either side of him on the ground, “I do not have legs so I am useng my aRMs.” Grimm smacked him. 

“I SAIIIIIIIID DO  _ NOT _ SMACK ME, I AM USING MY aRMs !” 

“Yuo are a,” said Dave, “squeak. Ha ha. Yuo are Germm’s gens. Shirt. I’m are tall.” 

“Why is the gibberish,” stated Quirrel, “I’m are cannot speack normelly. Terrrrrrble grammer.” He sighed and began writing notes as the Nightmare King screamed about Quirrel challenging the evilness. 

Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, melted into the ground. Jake and Jared suddenly started screaming because there was only one Toe left that wasn’t in the ground, and Toe 18 wasn’t turning into even more Toes. 

“WHY AREN’T TOES????????????!!!” Jared shrieked as Toe 18 stared at him, not doing anything. 

“What are you talking about?” Grimm screeched, “I’m one of the tallest characters in Hollow Knight! Literally, almost everyone is shorter than me, including you, Dave! Now keep doing the splits, if you can’t go all the way down, then I’m going to use this fat stick that the Nightmare King gave me to smack your legs until they’re all the way down!” Dave muttered something to himself before flopping around, trying and failing to go any further down. He sighed. 

“I want to use that stretching device because I really do feel like it would work,” the Nightmare King told Grimm, “Also, this is not the method I used to make  _ you _ do the stupid splits, I would literally just come over and grab your legs and crack them back. Why can’t you just do that with the students?”

“No to both of those!” Grimm replied, “No to the torture device because that’s elongating your limbs, and we do not want that, we are trying to do the splits! As for the method you taught it, that wasn’t teaching! That was forcefully cracking my legs so that I would stretch or something and be able to be flexible! Also, that would take a very long time, considering there are only two adults and like 36 smelly stupid students, so you can go shove that idea up your-” 

“Isn’t Dad 2  _ such _ a good, kind, wonderful, and caring teacher?” asked Grimmothy, “I want to rip out somebody’s teeth.” 

“Care to say that one more time?” the Nightmare King snarled at Grimm, who glared at him.

“GTRRGRRBHHGFHDFDBGF??????????????????????????????” Hive Knight shrieked, ruining the moment, “SIPS AND SHOCKS????????? ARE??? YES!! YSE!! SO MUCH SO!!!!!!! MARYIED!!!”

“NOOOOO!!!” Grimm screeched, throwing up an organ and throwing it at Hive Knight, who was squished like a Tiso. 

“Such a wonderful pacifist school we have, don’t we?” remarked the Radiance, “It’s so nice and calming when the teachers beat the shit out of each other while killing students instead of doing their jobs, isn’t it? I hope they actually do their jobs so I don’t lower their pay!” Zote rolled over and died. 

“I  _ AM _ DOING MY JOB!!!!!” Grimm yelled as he smacked Zote into the ground like a seed being drowned from too much dirt, “THESE IDIOTS AREN’T FLEXIBLE, AT ALL!!!!”

“I am a,” stated Jake, “Toe is. The.” He and Jared continued to try to pull Toe to their side in a weird game of tug-of-war, and Toe somehow wasn’t breaking in half. 

“Playing tug-of-idiots?” SOAP asked, “Too I?” 

“TOE IS MY BUDDY NOT YUORSSS!!!!!!1!1!1!! I AM MIGHTNARE GING KRIMM!!!!!!” shrieked Jared, pulling Toe over and slapping Jake. 

“GET OUT!!!!” Grimm shrieked, tossing Toe and Jared out of his teaching area because they weren’t even in his class, “GO BACK TO THE SOUL SANCTUM!!!!! SHOO!!!” He then proceeded to toss a boot at the two smelly vessels, who yelped and flopped away. 

“Yes, that is a shoe!” the Nightmare King exclaimed as he watched Grimm throw footwear at Jared, “Good job!!!!!!”

“Isn’t Jake in  _ our _ class?” asked Quirrel, “Toe and Jared aren’t, but Jake is?” 

“I AM!” Jake yelled, “AM! BUT TOE IS  _ MY _ FRIEND, NOT JARED!!!!!!!!!!”

“Grimm is a Toe?” Grimmothy wondered aloud before being smacked into the ground by a stupid boot attached to a fat stick. 

“Toe is running over Tiso in a tank, should I be concerned?” Cloth asked. Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, and Toe were running over Tiso in a tank, and Cloth should be concerned because they were not Molly. Toe and Toe fell off. 

“Ignore them, I’ll make sure Jared gets to his next class,” the Radiance hissed before picking up all the Toes and Jared, who was screaming for no reason. 

“IF yuo chnaged you’re name from ‘Grimm’ to ‘Jrimm’, then I can be your’re are buddy too!” Toe 6 told Grimm, who stared at them in confusion.

“MY BUDDDY!!!! NOT YUORRR!!!!!!!!” screeched Jake furiously, throwing a mat at Jared, who screamed something back and threw Lace at Jake. Grimm stared at the weird scarecrow thing before slapping someone’s face backwards into the ground. 

“Jrimm Troupe,” the Nightmare King muttered, “Nah, I prefer Grimm.”

“You’re so stupider like my nostrils,” Lace told Hornet, making her even angrier, “And I have NO nostrils!!!” Hornet let out a shriek of anger before falling sideways because she couldn’t balance with her stupid hands off the ground while doing the splits. Lace cackled because that meant that later her legs were going to go crackle poof. 

“We ated squirrels ,” said Dave happily, chewing on a pipe cleaner. 

“DO NOT EAT SQUIRRELS! DO YOUR STUPID SPLITS!” shrieked Grimm again. Dave grumbled before melting into the ground and doing the stupid splits, but still not doing it all the way down because he doesn’t do his stretching homework. 

“MY FEET!!!!!” Lace shrieked, “THEY!!! POP LIKE BIRD BONES!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“How come I, a 700-year-old crusty old man can do the splits, whereas you stupid younger ones can’t?” the Nightmare King interjected, doing a perfect front split as he glared at the students, “You all should have quite the flexibility, especially since your bones aren’t completely developed yet. You SHOULD be able to stretch, but for some reason, you can’t. Pathetic.”

“For once, I agree with you,” Grimm hissed before screaming at the students, “Alright, you’ve had enough time! Hands up, balance your best, we’re going for 30 seconds this time!”

“Crusty old man,” echoed Horen’t. Grimm smacked her with the boot attached to the fat stick. 

“Yuo keep yelling for us to balance, but you can’t yourself! Ha ha ha ha !!!!!!!” Dave shrieked shrilly as Jake somehow managed to balance while doing the splits. Grimm made eye contact with Dave, his hands on his hips and he slid down into a front split. He was still balanced perfectly, not touching the ground at all as Dave gawked. 

“Whta, Hornet the stuped,” siad Lace the something. 

“YOU TOUCHED THE FLOOR!” Grimm screamed at Scuttle before getting the boot attached to a stick and smacking his leg, which ran away in fear. The Nightmare King looked wistfully at the leg as it ran around in circles before falling into a hole. 

“Why is everyone’s limbs running are round?” asked Quirrel. DIvine cackled as she cursed everyone with bad grammar. Grimm smacked her with the boot taped to the fat stick and her tooth flew out of her mouth. Grimmothy caught it happily before stuffing it into his mouth for later. 

“Tooths,” cackled Grimmothy as he hit Dave in the face and collected the teeth that fell out, “I am the aren’t ripped out teethed. Can allowed !” Grimm’s brain turned upside-down. 

“Does ar bug hev brane,” Quirrel asked very intellectually as his feet curled around Cedrin’s eyes and into SOAP’s nose and out their ears and back into their eye and out their nose again and into their other nostril and-

“I, don’t,” SOAP replied as Honret nodded in agreement because SOAP did not, in fact, have a mind to think. 

“YOU TOUCHED THE FLOOR!” Grimm shrieked at Honret before smacking her kneecaps away. Honret screamed in anger, yelling about how she was saving those to eat later. Lace cackled and picked up the kneecaps before shoving them into SOAP’s nose, which still had Quirrel’s foot curling in and out of it. 

“There is no floor, only the Gruz,” said SOAP, falling over and landing on a very angry Gruz Mother. Grimm swatted SOAP’s nose away, which yelped and grew legs before running away in terror. Quirrel’s foot grew wings and flew away as well, quacking and screeching before it stepped on Tiso’s fat forehead. The Nightmare King reached out towards the two stupid body parts, tempted to pick them up and start another crazy conversation with an inanimate object, but Grimm was staring angrily at him so he refrained. 

“GLA GLA GLA, GLA GLA!!!” shrieked Fluke Hermit, “CHILDREN! I NEED TO HAVE CHILDREN!!! TO KEEP THE FLUKES, TO RESTORE THEM!!! MOTHER, SO ANGRY, SO LONELY, DEFEATED!!! I MUST!!!!!”

“No you don’t, shut up, go away, you’re supposed to be in the sewers, are you an idiot!?” screeched Grimm, picking up Fluke Hermit and throwing her away into the Royal Waterways, “Also, you do NOT want to have children just for the sake of having them to ‘restore a species’ or whatever crap you’re talking about. I know, I have to continually barf up children each day, and it’s not even working to restore my so-called species, because last I’ve seen or heard, the Nightmare King, me, and Grimmothy are the only ones left of our species. I’m really telling you right now, children are stupid, and if you must have one at all, wait until you’re like financially stable or something. Now, shoo!” He then turned around and smacked Erith’s foot with the boot attached to the stupid stick. 

“Socks and SOOOOOCCCC-” shouted Hive Knight. 

“MY WHOLE VILLAGE DIED, AND FOR WHAT!!!!??????” Grimm shrieked, “EVEN THE NIGHTMARE KING WASN’T ABLE TO PROTECT THEM FROM THE SNOW AND ICE, SO WHAT MAKES YOU THINK HE CAN PROTECT THEM NOW??? RESTORING A WHOLE FLAMING SPECIES, LUDICRIOUS!!! YOU ARE A FOOL IF YOU BELIEVE IT WILL AND CAN HAPPEN!!! I HAVEN’T SEEN A FEMALE THAT WAS THE SAME SPECIES AS ME SINCE 600 YEARS AGO, AND EVEN THAT WAS WAY BEFORE MY VILLAGE DIED!!! RIDICULOUS!!!!!!” 

“Quit your shrieking, Tiso just touched the floor,” the Nightmare King said to Grimm, who whipped around and smacked Tiso’s leg, which flew away before Molly fell from the sky and crushed Tiso. 

“Grimm, are you an incel?” Quirrel asked before getting smacked by Grimm. 

“NO, I’M NOT, YOu IDIOT!! I HAVE A KID, SO WHAT THE HECK MAKES YOU THINK I’M AN INCEL???????” Grimm screeched as he smacked Quirrel with the boot attached to the fat stick.

“He also has a me, so he is not an incel,” the Nightmare King said matter-of-factly before also getting hit on the head with the fat stupid boot attached to the fat stupid stick. 

“That’s so nice,” asked Dave, chewing on the pipe cleaner and choking. 

“S,” said Hive Knight, dancing around Grimm, who was holding the stupid boot taped to the fat stick, “SS!!!! S, it is!! IT IS!!!!!!!” Grimm smacked him with the boot stick as well. 

“I guess Grimm’s signature weapon is now a boot taped to a stick,” God Tamer muttered before being smacked by Grimm’s stupid stick boot thing because she put her hand down for one second. 

“Grimm, I think it’s been well over thirty seconds,” Quirrel pointed out.

“Oh, so it has,” Grimm muttered before barking, “Well then, other side! Left leg back, right leg front!! GO ON!!!!” The students groaned, switching their stupid legs before trying and failing to plop themselves all the way down. The Pale Lurker cackled like a foot before going down all the way on this side because her right side was the dominant side. God Tamer gasped and clapped happily, for she was so proud of her crazy, cackling friend being able to flop around like a dying fish snorting cocaine through its gills. Tiso was crushed by Molly, again. 

Suddenly, a stupid coffin fell from the sky. Everyone looked at it with confusion before the Pale Lurker slithered over with her stupid split noodle legs, cackling as she threw up a key into the coffin’s weird chains. The key bounced off of the chains and hit Terzu’s eye, making her let out a small yelp of pain. Suddenly, the coffin exploded, and Godseeker flopped out of the coffin, snoring. Her tooth fell from her eye socket as well as a God tuner. Grimmothy flew by, cackling before he scooped up the tooth and flew away. He was smacked by the boot attached to the fat stick, making him drop the Godseeker’s shiny stupid tooth. 

“Ignore her,” Grimm barked at the students, “Now go do your stretches, we don’t have all day! We still need to do the center splits which we haven’t even  _ started _ yet! Go on, do it before I smack you with this stupid boot attached to the fat stick that the Nightmare King gave me for some reason!!!!”

“TUNER!!!!” shrieked SOAP, “MUST TUNE!!!! GOODBYEE!!!! MUST TOON!!!!” 

“NO!” Grimm screamed as he picked up the stupid stick and smacked SOAP’s head into the ground, “Do it AFTER class, not now! Or after school or something, I don’t know, just do the splits!” He smacked SOAP again, resulting in their head popping off and their Shade waddling around, screaming before it melted into the floor as SOAP the Reincarnation flopped up to them, screeching. Quirrel scribbled down weird notes about SOAP and Grimm, muttering about how weird it was that the Nightmare King gave the big stick to Grimm for some reason instead of keeping it to turn it into a spear or something to torment students. 

“If you’re wondering, I got bored with the stick because I ordered a guillotine,” the Nightmare King told Quirrel, “So I gave the stick to Grimm, because it seemed like he needed it more than I did.”

“That is not good,” stated Cloth. Grimm fell over again, yelling as somebody stood up and tried to eat a fence. He picked up the stick and smacked their head in, resulting in it popping off their shoulders and flying away to be one with the Maskflies. Suddenly, Godseeker lurched upwards and let out a terrible screech, making everyone’s ears bleed. Grimm sighed, exasperated. Godseeker then began to chant like a crazy nut in her deep, baritone, masculine voice. 

“ _ O Gods of Glory, strong with splendor _

_ Hear our chant, and allow us to be, _

_ Our minds attuned, our mind a sea, _

_ Hear us and help us rise farther and higher, _

_ O Treacherous God of Nightmares and Fire! _

_ Regal God of the Traveling Troupe, _

_ Dangerous Lord of the Shades ( _ NOOOT SOUP!!!!)

_ Hateful Goddess of Orange Juice and Light,  _

_ A Pale Creature, hiding away, full of scorn and spite, _

_ Peaceful Goddess of the growing Garden, _

_ A Mother to all, to vessels, her binds, they harden. _

_ Ascend with us, to Hallownest’s Peak, _

_ And hear us chant, _

_ TO YOUR MINDS WE SPEAK!!!!”  _

Godseeker exclaimed dramatically, not pausing once for a breath. Everyone stared at her with a confused expression before Grimm threw his weird bootstick at Godseeker.

“SHUT UP AND LET THE IDIOTS STRETCH!!” Grimm shrieked, tossing keys at Godseeker’s nose, “I’M TRYING TO TEACH OVER HERE!!!! IF YOU MUST SEARCH FOR GODS, GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!! EVERYONE HERE IS A NUT!!!”

“THOU CRINGER! THOU CRAWLER! THOU SMALLEST OF THE SMALL!” 

“GO RECITE POETRY SOMEWHERE ELSE!  _ SHEO _ LIKES POETRY! NOT ME! I NEED TO MAKE THE STUPID STUDENTS DO SPLITS SO THEY CAN KICK THEMSELVES IN THE FACE!” 

“Somebody kill me already,” yelled Hollow from the classroom, the Radiance visibly pouring orange juice on their head as well as several other random students. Grimm wacked Dave, who was trying to do splits but couldn’t, because he was focusing and chewing on a pipe cleaner named, “squirrel.” 

  
“I do appreciate you including me in your poem, but it is required that you go somewhere else, please,” the Nightmare King said to Godseeker, “I apologize for Grimm’s outburst, he’s rather grumpy today. Maybe after school, you can search for gods or something, just not now.” Godseeker sighed before flopping back into her coffin, which then closed itself up and flew back up to who knows where. Everyone looked at the floating coffin in visible befuddlement before the Nightmare King set Afro’s head on fire. Everyone returned to grumbling about stupid stuff and trying before failing to do the splits. Grimm then announced that it was time to throw your hands up in the air because you do not fu **_SHAW_ ** cking care for thirty seconds. Everyone groaned. 


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sparring class continuation plus an epic fight plus another epic fight at the end that's actually partially well written. also, Julio

“SQUIRREL!!!!!” shrieked Dave, falling off his mat and choking on the pipe cleaner because he was an absolute idiot. Grimm slapped him again with his stupid boot stuck to his stupid stick. Quirrel wrote down 489678937598 notes, wondering how the boot was attached to the stick if there wasn’t any tape or glue or stuff around. 

“I dub thee ‘God of Pipe Cleaner Eating’ instead of ‘Lost God of the Abyss,’” Godseeker declared. 

“LOST GOD OF SQUIRREL EATING!” Dave shrieked joyfully and died. Grimm groaned, then dragged Godseeker away from the field, to a random classroom before shutting her in there and running back. 

“Hm, how did she get back so fast?” the Nightmare King muttered as Grimm screamed, falling onto his face because of how done he felt. 

“Teeth?” asked Grimmothy as Grimm fell over. 3 small, burnt teeth rolled out of Grimm’s eyes. 

The Nightmare King picked up Grimm’s stupid boot attached to the stinky stick that he dropped when he flopped over like a dead manatee. The students who were risking touching the floor immediately put their hands back up in fear of being whacked to death by the Nightmare King.

“I am naming it Julio,” the Nightmare King announced fondly as he held up the stupid bootstick, “Julio is so awesome, and if you don’t behave, then I will use Julio to smack your face in.”

“Precept Thirty-Two: 'Names Have Power'. Names have power, and so to name something is to grant it power. I myself named my nail 'Life Ender',” Zote lectured Bretta, who sighed and rolled her eyes. Honret screeched and put her hand down for a second to scoot closer to Zote. The Nightmare King picked up Julio and, just as he had promised, smacked Hornet’s face in using the boot end of Julio. 

“Now I know who named Grimmothy,” Lace muttered, rolling her eyes as Honret the stinky spider’s legs flew away, screaming. 

“I have a water bottle,” stated Tiso as he was crushed by a Flying Molly. 

“Yeah, I always did wonder why I was named ‘Grimmothy’ or ‘Grimmchild’ instead of just a normal name like ‘Toothripper the Capitalist Vodka-Chugging Drunken Nut’, or something along those lines,” Grimmothy told Quirrel, who was frantically writing down notes, “But I guess Dad 2 really liked Dad 1 or something, enough to name me after him.” 

“For the record, I wanted to name you ‘Theo,’” Grimm said crankily, his stupid voice muffled because his head was still planted into the ground. 

“Grimmothy and Grimm are beautiful names, and so is Julio!” the Nightmare King said cheerfully, “And if you ever think otherwise, then I will beat you with Julio until the boot part is completely soaked in hemolymph!” Grimm sighed. 

“Ouch,” stated Sharpe as his leg cracked backward, revealing his stupid bone and making many other students around him cringe in disgust. 

“Whta, yuo have are bone????? Not exoskeleton!????” asked SLOP, completely confused, “not bug?????????????????? A????????” 

“Yse,” Trobbio replied before being smacked by Julio. 

“BILL I AM!!!” SOAP screeched, smacking Grimm’s face. The Nightmare King smacked SOAP’s tiny squashed head using Julio, making it even tinier and more squashed. 

“Your voice makes me want to die even more than I usually want to,” Grimm said to SOAP, who touched the floor. Grimm then screamed about SOAP tapping the floor before yanking Julio from the Nightmare King and smacking their face until it was fat and swollen. Grimmothy picked up the fallen, yellow, cracked, smelly, stupid teeth that were scattered around SOAP’s stupid floppy body. 

“Here, friend, why don’t you just eat this and be quiet before Grimm knocks the rest of your head off?” Quirrel suggested, handing SOAP a bar of mushed-up soap. SOAP happily took it and stuffed it in their eye, not realizing what it was, but kind of still knowing what it was because they knew it tasted so, so, so, good! Horen’t picked up SOAP and threw them into Lace’s eyeball. It didn’t do enough damage because Lace is obviously not Lurien. Grimm smacked them all with Julio. 

“Julio is so amazing,” Grimmothy said matter-of-factly, “They are so strong and so awesome! Much more than all of you stinky people, and to prove my point, look!” He pointed at Julio, who was currently whapping Hammer’s head in because Hammer flicked a booger onto the floor. 

“Why is Julio a shirt,” said Dave, choking on the pipe cleaner again. 

“IT IS NOT JULIO, IT IS A BOOT WITH A STICK!!!!” Grimm shrieked, smacking Dave with Julio, “I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THE STUPID NIGHTMARE KING NAMED IT THAT, BUT IT’S JUST A STICK!!! NOT A PERSON, SO SHUT UP!!!!!11!1!”

“Oh? You oppose my thoughts?” the Nightmare King growled, approaching Grimm, “I keep my promises, you know. Give me Julio.”

“IT IS NOT JULIO, IT IS A STICK!”

“JUST GIVE IT TO ME!!”

“NO!”

“I DEMAND YOU TO GIVE ME JULIO, YOU DISOBEDIENT STUPID TROUPE MASTER!!”

“NO!!” Grimm screeched back, “I REFUSE! AND I SURE AM  _ NOT _ GOING TO GIVE YOU THE STUPID STICK, ESPECIALLY KNOWING THAT YOU ARE GOING TO USE IT TO SMACK MY FACE IN!!!!!!”

“IT’S NAME IS JULIO!!!!”

“My family is so wonderful,” remarked Grimmothy. Several others nodded out of fear of being smacked by Julio. 

“Julio haunts my dreams,” Myla said mournfully as Cloth choked on a pipe cleaner, “It is so scary. It’s like the monster underneath my bed, or the creature in my closet, or that one customer in retail. It scares me.”

“DO YUO HAUNT MY DREMS OR I URS!!!!” shrieked Honret. 

“Urs,” Dave said, a wide, stupid, lopsided, snotty grin flopping around his face as Cloth continued to cough and wheeze on the stupid pipe cleaner that somehow teleported into her stinky throat. 

“Ido not want to panthen of hafgglopnest,” SOAP said sadly as Quirrel patted their shoulder, “I the did, but then my face was plopped off by Nightmnare jKibng. Dave ated it then, and Absolute Nutcase laffed at me likeg I was a bobble on Dad’s four heads.” They continued to cry silently as Quirrel comforted them. Grimm smacked SOAP with Julio. 

“Oh boo hoo, I am moved to tears,” the Nightmare King said monotonously before reaching for Julio, only for Grimm to whap his fingers with the stupid boot. 

“Can someone kill me yet?” asked Hollow, “At this point if I don’t die I’m going to call the Pale King over here just so I can convince somebody to kill me.” Grimm smacked Hollow’s face with Julio, making their head fly away. Their Shade flopped around happily, oozing off of a bench before the Radiance encased them in a glob of orange juice again. 

“That was pointless,” said the Nightmare King, “Now give me Julio.” Grimm smacked his face with Julio before the Nightmare King growled and jumped onto him. They both tumbled around, wrestling and looking a lot like Hornet and Lace, who was also wrestling in the back since they finished counting to thirty. Grimm screamed as the Nightmare King pinned him to the floor, trying to wrench Julio out of Grimm’s crusty hands, only for Grimm to free himself and start smacking the Nightmare King’s face again. The Radiance watched all of this as she shoveled Mawlek food into her mouth, occasionally dropping some bits of food into Molly’s gaping maw. For some reason, Grimm decided that now was an awesome time to turn off gravity. He and the Nightmare King floated up and flopped into Monomon’s classroom, both of them shrieking and screaming about Julio and sticks and boots and whatnot. 

“It is a brawl, super stupid ! Hooray !” chanted somebody from the background as Grimm was knocked into a door. Monomon kicked them both out of the classroom as the Nightmare King’s toe exploded into a piece of chalk. They rolled out and fell back down, scuffing up dirt and smacking each other angrily as the Nightmare King reached for Julio again, only for Grimm to poke his eye. 

“What are with the Julio King and Mightnare??” asked Jake, trying to get closer to yank off Godseeker’s fat, crusty face. 

“Thou shalt receive divine punishment if thy continues with that behavior,” Godseeker lectured Jake, “Never shall we show our faces. Begone, cringer.”

“Somebody called?” Divine asked before being whapped in the face by Julio because she stood a little too close to the two stupid things rolling around, screaming about boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats. 

“Breaking news, Grimm is attempting to snap Julio in half as the Nightmare King yells at him, they are not seriously fighting  _ yet _ , because if they had 2 big fights in one day they’d probably start screaming even more than usual for like a month, but if Grimm actually breaks Julio the Nightmare King will start yelling again and break Grimm’s spine,” sang Marissa, writing down all the stuff that was happening so she could do stupid gossipy stuff later. 

“Like a,” said Jake, “Toe grenade.” Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, TOe, Toe, and you get the idea were all handing him grenades because they were bored. 

“GIVE!!!!” shrieked the Nightmare King, “GIVE IT TO ME!!!! SUCCUMB AND SHUT UP, YOU MUST OBEY ME!!! I AM YOUR KING!!!!”

“SAYS WHO, YOU?!” Grimm screeched back, rolling around as the Nightmare King tried and failed to snatch Julio away from him, “SO WHAT IF YOU ARE MY KING?????!!! THE PALE CREATURE DEMANDS THAT HIS KIDS DON’T SPEAK, BUT THEY DON’T GIVE A HOOT ANYWAYS!!! I DO WHAT I WANT!!!” The Nightmare King and Grimm continued to roll around like stupid children on the floor, screaming at each other about a stupid boot attached to a stick named Julio. 

“This is such a fun show,” the Radiance cackled, “I hope there are more seasons.” 

“Now this right here is the epitome of stupid,” Monomon said matter-of-factly as she pointed to the Nightmare King and Grimm wrestling on the ground, “Now, students, make sure you take notes because they really are super idiots!” Monomon’s current students gasped and began to scribble down useless notes about how there were two stupid Higher Beings outside fighting over a stick with a boot attached to it. 

“It is not Julio,” said Hollow in another attempt to get themself killed. Unluckily for them, they forgot that they had to insult Julio’s name, not say something that made no sense. The Nightmare King was too busy flopping around Grimm to hear anyways. 

“GIVE ME JULIO!!! NOW!!” the Nightmare King continued screeching as he burned Grimm’s toenails off, “NOW!!!! ADMIT THAT JULIO IS AN AMAZING NAME!!!! GIVE ME JULIO!!!!!!11!1!1!!” 

“I WILL NEVER!!!!!!!” Grimm screamed back, waving Julio around as the students stared at the two crazy things with slight interest, “I REFUSE!!! YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!!!!!” 

“They are insane and it is so comedic that I’m going to stay here until they stop and then give them one extra Geo,” the Radiance stated happily while watching the two Grimm Troupe idiots strangle each other over the Julio. 

“YIELD!!!!” 

“NEVER!!!!11!” 

“GIVE JULIO TO MEEEE!!!” the Nightmare King roared, tossing a rock at Grimm’s nose, “IMPUDENT SCUM, YIELD!!! RESIST AND SUFFER, MORE THAN YOU ALREADY HAVE!!!!!” 

“REPENT!!!! REPENT!!! STOP HOPPING ON ME, GO BOTHER THE STUPID STUDENTS!! THIS IS SO STUPID, WE ARE FIGHTING OVER A STICK NAMED JULIO!!!” Grimm shrieked back, throwing an arm that came out of nowhere at the Nightmare King, “JUST LET IT GO, YOU CRACKHEAD!!!” 

“They are such majestic ,” remarked Godseeker, “Not cringe .” 

“Pink Grimm tries to murder normal Grimm over a stick !” Marissa sang happily, writing it down for incredibly exaggerated gossip later. 

“JUST GIVE ME THE JULIO!!!!!!!!!!!!1!1!1!!!!!!!!111111!!!” the Nightmare King shrieked, even more shrilly than Lace being eaten by a dead caterpillar. Grimm and the Nightmare King continued to scuffle around before the Nightmare King picked up Julio, who was lying on the ground. Grimm had dropped it in the middle of the fight and forgotten that the Nightmare King had the awesome ability to pick stuff up from the ground. The Nightmare King then smacked Grimm’s back using Julio, making him topple over very un-majestically. 

“That is what you get for insulting Julio,” the Nightmare King snapped as Grimm screeched and fell face-first onto the floor, again. 

“I need a raise, I really, really, really need a raise, I need a raise, I need a raise, I need a raise, have I ever told you how much I need a raise?” sang Brumm, “Oh yes I have, for the past 30 years, I still need a raise, can you give me a raise yet? I need a raise, I need a raise, I need a raise-” Grimm screeched something about quitting life before the Nightmare King yelled something about Julio supremacy. Grimm then huffed before flopping back up to glare at the students, who were gawking at him. 

“WHAT ARE YOU IDIOTS STARING AT???” Grimm shrieked, “CENTER SPLITS!!! GO ON, BEFORE I HIT YOU WItH MY CRUSTY STUPID FOOT!!!!!” The Nightmare King waved around Julio before handing it back to Grimm, who snarled before reluctantly muttering a thank you. 

“Splat,” stated Dave, pointing to Jake, who had been run over. His remains were splattered all over the nearest mats, including Dave’s. Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, and Toe were dancing like Oompa Loompas. Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, Toe, and TOe were crying like dead Flukemarms. 

“Share a mat with someone, then!” Grimm exclaimed as the Nightmare King slurped up the remains, muttering about how good roadkill tasted when it’s freshly killed. 

“That isn’t roadkill, it’s technically ‘Molly missed Tiso somehow’ kill,” Cloth informed the Nightmare King. Tiso screamed before Molly fell from the sky and hit him on the head. 

“Ooh, thank,” said the Nightmare King as he ate more dead bodies because he’s weird like that. The students stared at him, traumatized as they witnessed the Nightmare King practice cannibalism in front of them. 

“Blue tooth !” cried Zote as Grimmothy broke off his head and slammed it onto the ground to reveal the blue tooth. 

“I didn’t  _ rip or yank out _ the teeth!!!!” Grimmothy pointed out, “I smashed out the teeth ! There is a difference!” He picked up the other teeth as well before Grimm wrenched them out of his wings and yelled something about arm privileges. The Nightmare King held out a dead Tiso leg to Grimm, who stared at it. 

“Want some?” the Nightmare King asked Grimm, who shook his head slowly before backing away to turn around and scream at the students about how inflexible they were. 

“I’m a toad,” said FAT, turning into a brick. Grimmothy gasped happily before eating FAT the brick. He then ran into a wall. 

“YOU ARE NOT IN MY CLASS!” Grimm shrieked at the remains of the brick that was once FAT. 

“I would love to talk to you for a bit,” said Grimmothy as he picked up the Seer, threw her into a wall, and picked up her Purple Tooth. 

“Are Grimm and the Nightmare King still going to fight at the end of class?” Myla asked as she did a very bad center split, “Because I sure hope they do, that fight was awesome.”

“I’m afraid that we must, considering we kept a promise,” the Nightmare King said to Myla as he stared at Grimm, who glared at him. 

“NO!” shrieked Grimm, “DO YOU’RE SPLITS RIGHT!!!!!1!1!!!” Hive Knight squealed and yelled sock something even though nothing happened. Grimm picked him up and threw him into Monoman’s acid tank, where he melted. 

“STOP TOSSING STUFF INTO MY CLASSROOM!!!” Monomon shrieked, “HOW DID YOU EVEN TOSS THAT HIGH?! MY CLASS IS LIKE 50 FEET UP FROM WHERE YOU’RE STANDING!!!!!!” Grimm shrugged before smacking God Tamer’s nose using Tiso because the Nightmare King took Julio again, and was talking to it. 

“Isn’t Julio a wonderful person?” said the Nightmare King, grinning like a very stupid smelly thing before turning to glare at Quirrel, whose limbs were supposedly challenging his evilness. Tiso died again as Molly fell on him. 

“Wart is are Julios?” Dave inquired so intelligently that Quirrel’s eye fell off.

“Yeah, I do wonder why Grimm doesn’t want to date me,” the Nightmare King said to Julio the boot stick, which of course said nothing back, “Oh, I like him, but he doesn’t like me. Seeing that you are quite the charming one, could you perhaps give me some tips on how to properly convey my feelings to Grimm?” Grimm jolted up and threw a rock at him before Snej landed on the ground and squashed him. Woji was heard screaming angrily in the distance. The Nightmare King pressed his ear to Julio, nodding, then gasping.

“Wow, I have never thought of that,” the Nightmare King said, staring at Julio in awe, “You must get all the ladies in that way, don’t you, Julio?” Julio said nothing because it was a fricking boot attached to a stick. 

“He is so delusional,” stated Grimm, half morphed from Grimmothy. Grimm then threw up another Grimmothy, who ripped out Myla’s teeth and floated away before smacking straight into a stupid wall. Menderbug cackled evilly. 

“Julio gets ALL the babes,” Dave said, chewing on another 50 stupid pipe cleaners as Bretta muttered about how awesome Julio was. 

“Ooh, what did Julio tell you?” Marissa said, flopping over to the Nightmare King, who was handing Julio back to Grimm. 

“It said nothing, it is a boot on a stick!” shrieked Grimm, tossing several wood scraps up Marissa’s nose. The Nightmare King leaned over and whispered something into Marissa's ear. Marissa nodded enthusiastically, muttering about how amazing Julio is for coming up with such an awesome plan and knowing exactly how to do stupid romantic shit. Grimm facepalmed. 

“Does he even know that they’re talking about him?” God Tamer muttered as Pale Lurker ate 3 keys and 5 moldy cheesecakes.

“Nope,” Tiso replied before getting squashed by Molly. The Pale Lurker threw up all three keys and a whole wad of disgusting, moldy, vomit-covered, partially-digested, stomach acid-covered cheesecake onto SOAP’s stupid stinky face. Honret scooted away from SOAP to go bother Lace and Zote but was smacked by Julio because she touched the floor. 

“Julio is a hot, so,” declared Cedrin, “So. It is.” Dave nodded in agreement as well as many other students who thought that Julio the stupid boot attached to a stick was so hot. Even Flukemarm agreed that Julio was smokin’ hot. Grimm smacked Cedrin into the floor because he touched the ground once. Grimm also thought that Julio was very hot. The Nightmare King nodded because that was the only person other than himself that he allowed Grimm to like.

“JULIO IS A STICK ATTACHED TO A BOOT!!! I DO NOT FIND IT ATTRACTIVE!!!” Grimm screeched at Koi, who cackled while writing down this stupid paragraph. 

“Yse yuo DO!” Koi screeched, chortling madly as Grimm smacked her into the stupid melty floor because she was annoying. Grimm loves Julio. Grimm is in love with Julio.

“I DO NOT LOVE JULIO!!!” Grimm shrieked, enraged. The Nightmare King patted him on the head.

“There, there,” he said softly, “Don’t worry, I love Julio as well. Everyone loves Julio! Grimm loves Julio.” Grimm slapped the Nightmare King before picking up Koi’s computer and chucking it out the window.

“I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH A STUPID BOOT ATTACHED TO A STICK NAMED JULIO!!!” Grimm screamed angrily. Koi looked at him, offended. Tiso, who was done stretching, ran up to Julio and began to pray to them, for Julio was the almighty, and everyone loved them. Even Zote loved Julio. Grimm adored and loved Julio very, very, very-- fine. Grimm was the only one who did not like Julio. The Nightmare King beat his ass into tomorrow for not liking Julio. 

Grimm killed Koi. Moi was already dead. 

“We need a new author,” Grimm snarled to the Nightmare King, who picked up the computer. The Nightmare King was almighty and Grimm loved-- Grimm slapped the Nightmare King and yanked the computer away before chanting a satanic ritual to summon the dreaded Koi again. 

“Look, kid, write properly or I’m going to personally shut down this fanfiction,” Grimm growled to Koi, who was drooling and picking her nose as a fly flew around her head. She nodded before taking the computer and continuing to write. As said, everyone loves Julio. Just not Grimm, because he was stupid. Grimm snarled, but kept his temper in as he stomped over to see the stupid students who finished their stretching. 

“It is Julio the friend,” said Jake, “TOE AND JULIO ARE BUDDY MY BEST!” Toe, Toe, TOe, Toe, and Toe all had seizures at the same time. 

“ Julio hot,” said Terzu. Students nodded their heads in agreement. 

“SHUT UP ABOUT ‘JULIO’!” shrieked Grimm angrily, “DO YOUR STUPID STRETCHES! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!” 

“Yes,” Grimmothy told him. Grimm fell onto the floor again, screaming.

“Julio gave me some very good advice, but I’m not going to share it with you idiots,” the Nightmare King said, “It is up to Julio if they find you worthy enough to share their information. If not, then you are stupid.” Tiso gasped and grabbed Julio.

“Julio, am I stupid?” Tiso exclaimed. Julio did not say anything, because Julio was a boot attached to a stick. There was silence as everyone waited, the only noise being Grimm’s muffled wails of agony. 

“THE JULIO HAS SPOKEN, TISO IS STUPID!!!” God Tamer announced as Tiso sighed, because if Julio thought he was stupid, then he really must be stupid. 

“Isn’t Julio amazing?” the Nightmare King asked happily. Blossom yelled something. 

“I’M!!!!! AMZING A+++++++++++ STUDNT!!!!” shrieked Blossom indignantly, “I’M!!! NOT JULIO!!!!! I’M CLOGED TOITLET!!! MORE AMAZING!!!! I’MMM!!!!!!” 

“Why is everyone fighting for the Nightmare King’s favor? They don’t want to get murdered or something?” Quirrel wondered aloud. 

“I am sorry, but my heart belongs to Julio,” the Nightmare King told the students, who looked at him in confusion, “However… there is someone else who I deem more irresistible than Julio…” The Nightmare King stared at Grimm, whose face was still planted into the stupid stinky ground as he screamed/cried in pain and anger and confusion.

“Shut the fu **DOMA** ck up,” muttered Grimm, his voice muffled as he was still faceplanted into the ground, “Shut up about Julio, shut  _ up _ about relationships that  _ obviously _ don’t exist!” 

“We did the slpitsstststststrst!!!!” screamed Myla, “Now fight! We have like twenty-five minutes left of class, and that’s enough time for you two to duke it out! COME ON!!”

“Yes, I want to see them fight!” Hornet screeched, “THE GREAT JULIO COMMANDS YOU TO!!!” Lace gasped and pressed her head against Julio, muttering something to the stupid bootstick. 

She nodded, furrowing her brow before announcing to her peers, “JULIO DOES DEMAND TO SEE THIS FIGHT!!! THEY ARE VERY INTERESTED!!!”

“Doest Julio stand as a God? So mighty that even the infamous, widely-feared God of Nightmares respects them? To who may ever hear our prayer, if the magnificent Julio does not destroy us all, it shall arise to be the God of all Gods!” Godseeker cried, frantically scribbling stuff all over her notebook and God Tuner. 

“This is so great, I’m going to get more orange juice and popcorn!” the Radiance shouted happily. Molly trotted behind before noticing that Tiso was alive and intact again. 

“Please do not get more orange juice,” said Hollow. 

“Do you like Julio?” the Nightmare King asked the Radiance. The Radiance stared at Julio, immediately falling in love with the stupid boot attached to a stick.

“Oh my Orange Juice, it is so handsome!” she exclaimed, “And so full of wisdom! Of course I love Julio!!!!!” Grimm fell off a window ledge and died. 

“I like Julio, they seem nice,” Brumm piped up before continuing to play ‘I Need A Raise’ on his accordion. 

“BETRAYAL!!!!!1!!!!!” Grimm shrieked before falling off another ledge and dying. Brumm looked at Grimm in confusion before continuing to play ‘I Really Need A Raise’ on the accordion. The Nightmare King caught Grimm and shoved Julio into his face, babbling on and on about how awesome Julio was. 

“I regret putting that boot on that stick and allowing you to use it as well,” Grimm muttered as the Nightmare King held him, slapping Julio onto Grimm’s face. 

“Can you please fight?” Quirrel asked, scribbling down 69586908309 notes, “It would help with the information I need and want to learn about your fighting tactics as well as might make the others be quiet (for now) about the awesome, amazing, almighty Julio.”

“Fine,” Grimm snarled. The Nightmare King smiled at him eagerly before dropping Grimm onto his head and skipping away to go put Julio somewhere safe while they fought each other like two stupid idiots because they were two stupid idiots. Godseeker hopped over, for she was eager to see the fight between the two stupid Higher Beings. 

“Julio is hotter than me, and I’m literally on fire,” the Nightmare King said matter-of-factly as his head burst into flames. 

“I’m going to commit a Hollow phase two,” Grimm groaned. 

“NO FIRE POWERS OR ANYTHING ALLOWED, JUST STINKY BLADE!” Myla reminded the two Higher Beings. The Nightmare King sighed before snapping and turning off stupid fire powers. 

“Let’s dance,” the Nightmare King said to Grimm, smiling ominously. Grimm said nothing, backing away as they studied each other, their eyes locked. Grimm and the Nightmare King bowed to each other, Grimm looking on warily as the Nightmare King’s expression betrayed nothing. The Radiance shoveled more Mawlek food into her mouth, watching intently to see who would make the first move. Grimm’s blade glinted in the light, flickering as he and the Nightmare King circled each other. 

“They will do nothing. Let us yell about Julio until Grimm gets mad and kills everyone!” Marissa suggested. 

“SSHSHHSHSHsHShsHsHSgSgsDvhhegchjdjhchnddj!!!,11!1!” SOAP said, their spit flicking all over Marissa’s forehead, “WANT WATCH, I! TO SMACK NIGHTMARE KNG’S NOSE OFF!” Marissa pouted, crossing her arms as she watched Grimm and the Nightmare King circle each other like two stupid vultures.

“I’m, the real Nightmare Ging Mrimm,” Jared informed SLOP. 

Everyone’s attention suddenly turned back to the fight. Grimm had struck first, his blade slamming against the Nightmare King’s. He blocked it before they whipped their blades back again. Grimm struck once more, jabbing at the Nightmare King’s leg, who easily knocked his blade away. However, Grimm was fast and quickly regained his composure, dashing sideways, twisting around to narrowly avoid the Nightmare King’s blade as he thrust his blade forward, aiming for the neck. The Nightmare King blocked again, but barely in time. Grimm leaped away again, and they circled each other. Grimm panted heavily, narrowing his eyes as he stared at the Nightmare King, who also seemed a bit shaken up himself. They continued to circle each other, tension building up as Grimm flexed his wrist. 

The Nightmare King let out a low hiss before jabbing forward, dashing around Grimm as his blade came down on full force. Grimm blocked his blow, his arms trembling from how much strength the Nightmare King had put into his strike. The Nightmare King sliced his blade onto Grimm’s, whipping it up as sparks flew. He raised his blade and was about to slice Grimm in half, but Grimm barreled to the side just in time before immediately turning around to attack the Nightmare King, whose side was exposed. The Nightmare King caught him in the corner of his eye and growled before grabbing his blade and tearing it apart into two blades, one held in each hand. With his two reconstructed blades, the Nightmare King crossed his arms, using the blades as a defense against Grimm’s strike. Grimm fell back, hissing before he too split his singular blade into two. The students watched intently in silence as Grimm and the Nightmare King launched at each other again, their blades poised for each other’s throats as they skidded around, slashing and blocking. Grimm seemed to be having the most trouble, sweat dripping off of his face as he aimed a kick at the Nightmare King, who darted away just in time to prevent his blade from being flung out of his hand. 

“Why does are look like danse,” Dave inquired intelligently. Quirrel looked in awe as the two fought each other, the Nightmare King seeming to have the upper hand but not quite. 

“You’re correct,” Quirrel murmured, “It does kind of look like a dance, which is weird, because earlier when they were fighting over Julio, it really didn’t look nearly  _ this _ graceful as it does now.” Dave nodded.

Grimm let out a small grunt as he did a front flip over the Nightmare King, who had tried to do a sweeping kick to knock him off of his feet. Grimm slammed down his blades as hard as he could, thinking that he was going to hit the Nightmare King. However, the Nightmare King managed to evade his attack, skittering away just in time before thrusting his blades forward again. The Nightmare King snarled as his slash was blocked once again. 

Godseeker frantically began scribbling all over her notebook as well, gawking as she watched the two Higher Beings fight. 

“Never expected less,” she muttered, “Graceful, powerful, fast. They are equally matched. Thy God of Nightmares seems to have the most speed, power, and agility due to his nature and studier, but slender body build. The Troupe Master, however, seems to have more experience with the blade and fighting without fire, his lack of speed and power made up for determination and experience. Intriguing. In all honesty, we cannot wait for these two Higher Beings to fight against others for a place as a God, their battle style is rather… pleasing to watch.” 

“I agree, it is very entertaining,” the Radiance said, her mouth full of popcorn and Mawlek food as she spoonfed Molly, who was also watching Grimm and the Nightmare King fight. 

The Nightmare King launched himself at Grimm, getting ready to slice him to pieces. With a well-aimed kick, Grimm managed to knock the Nightmare King back as his leg met with the god’s stomach. The Nightmare King hissed in pain before falling back, his grasp tightening around his blades before he whipped around and kicked Grimm’s left wrist. Grimm’s blade flew out of his hand as he let out a small snarl. The Nightmare King lunged forward, swooping upwards before pressing his blade against Grimm’s neck. Grimm ripped out of the Nightmare King’s tight hold, clutching his only blade left as he and the Nightmare King circled each other once more. 

“This is so nice, since you’re in a good mood, please stop pouring orange juice on my face,” Hollow requested, and as usual, was ignored. 

Grimm dashed forward and feinted to the right. The Nightmare King blocked, leaving his other side open for an attack. Grimm switched his blade around, trying to cleave the Nightmare King’s undefended side. The Nightmare King blocked his blow and jumped over the blade, ducking immediately when Grimm tried to slice him from above. The Nightmare King whirled his blades around before kicking once again. Grimm was too slow to notice, and by then, his last blade was knocked out of his hands. The Nightmare King pointed his blade at Grimm’s chest, advancing forward as Grimm stepped back, his hands raised protectively. 

“Yield,” the Nightmare King commanded Grimm, his eyes narrowed as he stepped forward slowly.

“Denied,” Grimm spat back before rolling under the blade and up to the Nightmare King, aiming a punch at his face. The Nightmare King snarled before whipping his blade around and attempting to slice Grimm’s arm, only for Grimm to dart away once again. They resumed circling each other. 

“Treats !” SOAP suddenly commanded to nobody at all, “MY THE I REQUIRE BILL’S TREATS!!!” Dave slapped them a bar of soap, which they immediately began chewing on enthusiastically. Everyone ignored the stupid vessels as they stared intently at the Nightmare King and Grimm.

“Master is officially crazy,” Brumm said happily, “He can’t win against his Majesty with his blades, so what makes him think that he can resist with only his fists?” Divine shoved a Tiktik into his mouth to get him to shut up so that she could stare at the idiots fighting each other. 

Grimm bent low, trying to knock the Nightmare King down with a sweeping kick. The Nightmare King backed out of reach before lunging forward with his blades poised, trying to slice at Grimm’s limbs. Grimm hissed before scuttling away, underneath the blades as he flexed his wrist. He shot up once he was right behind the Nightmare King, and with as much power as he could, he kicked. The Nightmare King’s blade flew out of his hand, leaving him with only one as Grimm hissed in satisfaction. The blade landed somewhere between Hive Knight’s eyes. Grimm ducked as the Nightmare King tried to catch him again with a slash that narrowly missed him. Grimm scuttled away, trying to regain his breath as he raised his hands in front of his face again, ready to dodge or block if absolutely necessary. 

The Nightmare King lunged forward, holding the blade with one hand. Grimm thought it ridiculous until he was slammed onto the ground, the Nightmare King having used his blade as a distraction as he grabbed Grimm’s shoulder and pushed him onto the ground. Grimm got up, slightly confused and befuddled before the Nightmare King’s blade was pressed up to his neck, his wrists clasped tightly as the Nightmare King held him up. Grimm slowly exhaled. 

“Yield,” the Nightmare King snarled once again, pressing his blade harder against Grimm’s throat. Grimm glared at the Nightmare King, staying silent for what seemed like an eternity. Hive Knight fell from the crowd in the background.

“I surrender,” Grimm forced out, hardly daring to breathe as the Nightmare King’s blade was pressed so hard against his neck. The Nightmare King relaxed and stepped away from Grimm, releasing him. He smiled at Grimm, who took in a breath as he trembled, thinking about how close he was to being ripped to pieces by the Nightmare King. Sighing, he turned around with the Nightmare King, both of them grasping each other’s hands tightly as they bowed to the audience. There was complete silence as they rose back up. Grimm's eyes met the Nightmare King's, and they looked at each other as the crowd stayed quiet.

"GG, no re," the Nightmare King told Grimm, who gave a small smile.

There was silence before hoots and hollers erupted from the crowd, students screaming happily about the awesomeness as Hive Knight threw up bees and Divine ate a rock. Brumm was playing his accordion but was barely heard over the cheering and screaming of the stupid crowd. Grimm raised the Nightmare King's hand with his own, his breath almost completely knocked out of his chest as the Nightmare King smiled.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> math class and end of sparring

“That was so epic, I want to rip out your teeth as a souvenir, let me rip out your teeth!” screeched Grimmothy, “LET ME RIP OUT TEETH!!!!!!!11!1!11!!11!11!” 

“I’m plopped, ha ha,” said Dave, thinking that there was no more time so he didn’t have to do any more splits and weird things. 

“BRAVO!!!” Godseeker exclaimed, clapping enthusiastically, “Immaculate! Truly, spectacular! Never have we expected such a brutal fight from the Gods of Hallownest, but how wrong we have been! Beautiful!!!!” Quirrel clapped as well, smiling as SOAP chewed on his notebook. 

“That was not brutal,” stated the Nightmare King before picking Julio up and beginning to yell about how amazing Julio was again. 

“Wow, Master looks shaken up,” Brumm noted as he loudly played ‘I Need a Raise’ on his accordion. 

“He looks  _ more _ shaken up than  _ normal _ ,” Divine corrected, “He is always shaken up. Rock eat. Tasers. Such nice that my throat fell down throuat.” 

“The Nightmare Kibg poped his ego, like a ballon popping a neeeedle,” FAT told Brumm informatively. 

“Brain, both still,” PUNY replied as the Nightmare King screamed a bunch of stupid praise at Julio the boot stick. FAT nodded like it was the most intelligent thing ever said. 

“Why is Julio the boot stick,” stated SOP, chewing on the delicious unknown and unnamed block of something that tasted very very good. 

“Hold this,” the Nightmare King said to the Radiance, passing her Julio, who she immediately began to hug and scream about being so awesome and mighty. The Nightmare King ran over to Grimm, who was still standing there, looking distant. The Nightmare King muttered something to Grimm, who tilted his head and listened. Their voices were too hushed to hear as the students and teachers shrieked about how awesome the fight was and how cool Julio is as the Radiance held up the boot stick. 

Molly grumbled something weird sounding before scuttling over away to sit on Tiso because killing Tiso was fun or something. Tiso screamed as a fat Mawlek thing descended from the sky somehow and crushed him. 

“That is so nice, but where is Russian Roulette???” asked Bretta, randomly doodling Grey Prince Hornets or something. Zote wailed as Grimmothy pulled out his precious blue tooth again. 

“Oh, we have twelve more minutes, how fast time goes when you’re having fun!” the Nightmare King exclaimed, clutching Grimm’s hand, “Alright then, somebody please get the revolver.”

“I have it,” Grimmothy screeched, sticking his wing down his throat and pulling out a huge revolver that couldn’t have possibly fit in Grimmchild’s mouth, but fit in there anyways because Grimmothy was very very weird and defied all logic. Toe, TOe, Toe, and Toe fell into a hole. 

“Get into groups of six,” Grimm told them, “But I think I might sit out for now. I feel… tired.” The Nightmare King nodded understandingly before loading a gun with six bullets because everybody must die. 

“Fun game,” remarked Quirrel as Myla was shot by the Nightmare King for absolutely no reason whatsoever. The Nightmare King nodded encouragingly as Myla shot all the others around her as well. Grimmothy facepalmed. 

“No, no! Have you guys ever even  _ played _ Russian Roulette?” Grimmothy screamed as he ripped out Myla’s teeth. 

“No,” stated Myla’s corpse that was dead and being looted by Grimmothy for teeth. Grimmothy facepalmed as Quirrel picked up the gun and shot himself in the face because he apparently didn’t know how to work it. 

“Well, that’s a good start,” Grimmothy muttered as Quirrel shot himself in the head again, “No, no! Only once, you hear me? ONLY ONCE!!!!” Zemmoth ran into a wall and died for no reason. 

“Somebody shoot me please,” said Hollow, still in a puddle of orange juice. Quirrel shot himself in the face again. Myla threw up a bright pink frog, which tried to hop away to its native land, the Desert of Bright Pink Frogs, before being shot by Quirrel because it landed on his face. 

“You all suck at this game,” Grimmothy said grumpily before reloading the gun with only five bullets this time, “Here, listen to me! I will teach it to you!” He yanked the gun away from Quirrel before he could accidentally shoot himself again with the remaining four bullets. Quirrel had like 9 dents in his face from this and still was somehow alive. 

“Bullet-proof brane, my friend has, so smrat,” SOAP said genuinely, praising Quirrel’s awesome thick skull. A weird noodle that resembled a pipe cleaner leg thing that was not challenging the Nightmare King’s evilness slithered away like a dead noodle thing. 

“Why thank you, friend!” Quirrel replied happily, “You have quite the intelligent brain if I do say so myself!” SOAP beamed at him, smiling with their cracked, stained, yellow teeth. The Nightmare King growled at the pipe-cleaner noodle thingamabobber as Grimm questioned why the guy who managed to beat his butt was also the guy who praised a stick attached to a boot named ‘Julio’ and was constantly yelling at inanimate objects as well as insisting that Quirrel’s legs were “challenging his animosity.” 

What a life. 

Meanwhile, Grimmothy was still trying to teach Russian Roulette to his peers, but sadly, he was terrible at teaching. Quirrel somehow managed to shoot himself three more times before he was banned from using the gun. 

“NO!!! THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO!!!!!” Grimmchild screeched as Myla picked up the gun and shot Quirrel in the face fourteen times for some reason somehow, “NO!!!! STOP!!! THAT’S NOT EVEN HOW YOU USE THE GUN!!!!!” SOUP picked up the revolver and began whacking everyone with it like it was a nail. 

“HARPPOOOOOONNN!!!!” shrieked Honret as she threw the revolver at Lace, who was drawing a whale on FAT’s toe. 

“Ha ha, they are stupid,” the Nightmare King said, pointing to Myla and Quirrel and the other stinky students. Grimm did not reply. 

“Toitlet?” Blossom asked before yanking the gun off Lace’s head and dragging it away to the toilet. Two seconds later, there was water spilling out of the bathroom. Grimmothy shrieked in frustration as Quirrel’s face suddenly melted backward. 

“NO, NO NO!!! Get in a circle, you idiots, then follow my directions!” Grimmothy pulled the gun and reloaded it before flopping over to be in a stupid circle. Four other kids joined him. 

“Alright, so you hold the gun to your head like this, and-” before Grimmothy could finish, he shot his head and died. Everyone looked at Grimmchild’s dead body and the gun with a confused expression. Grimm sighed and opened his mouth. A newly reincarnated Grimmothy shot out, screeching happily. 

“Go on, pass it around! Let everyone have a try!” Grimmchild told the students, who shrugged before doing just that. 

“So I  _ was _ doing it right!” Quirrel exclaimed before somehow messing it up again and shooting his weird noodle arm instead. 

“nOOOOOOO, Head!!!! Head, not arms or limbs! It has to be your head!!!” Grimmchild shrieked, grabbing the gun himself and shooting Quirrel in the head, killing him instantly. 

“What a peaceful, lovely, fun, kid-friendly game this is,” said the Radiance as Quirrel’s head melted in for the fifth time. Grimmothy shrieked, watching Myla suddenly start shooting at Hornet, who threw a ball of stinky, muddy yarn at her. 

“YOU DON’T SHOOT EACH OTHER, YOU SHOOT YOURSELF, YOU IDIOTS!!! YOURSELF!!! IS THAT TOO HARD TO UNDERSTAND!!! PUT THE GUN’S MUZZLE UP TO YOUR HEAD AND SHOOT, IT'S THAT EASY!!!!!!!” Grimmchild shrieked as Grimm fell asleep for some reason in the back. The Nightmare King let Grimm lean on him, but he didn’t even notice Grimm because he was too busy talking to Julio the boot attached to a stick. 

“I don’t blame them,” the Nightmare King said, “It  _ is _ fun to shoot your friends.” He then resumed blabbering away to Julio about who knows what. 

“I want to talk to Julio,” said Tiso before getting crushed by Molly. Hive Knight danced around the Nightmare King, screaming about how Grimm was drooling on his shoulder meaning that they must be in a relationship oh my god so amazing, Grimm is drooling what an awesome phenomenon and Koi does not know how to spell. 

“More popcorn,” the Radiance commanded as she continued to watch the stupid students shoot each other. Hollow suffocated and died but their Shade was now stuck in a very large blob of orange juice. The Radiance picked them up, plopped them on a bench so they were normal again, and continued pouring orange juice on their head for who knows what reasons. 

“Can somebody please shoot me?” Hollow asked miserably as the Radiance dumped a bunch of orange juice onto them.

“Since yuo siad PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESa, tHEn a YESSS!!!” Dave shrieked happily before cocking the gun and shooting Hollow in the face, ultimately killing them. 

“This is such a great show, but you should give me back my trophy,” said the Radiance. The moment Hollow respawned, they ran out of the school, tumbling around and screaming about no more orange juice. The Radiance flew over, picked them up, sat them next to a bench, and poured orange juice on their head because they were too stupid to teleport away since they could but didn’t. Hollow proceeded to stab themself in the stomach for a few seconds before the Radiance totally encased them in orange juice. 

“Higher Being hobbies tend to be very violent, don’t they?” Quirrel asked, shooting himself as the Nightmare King teleported away to commit arson. Lurien randomly walked in and began preaching about the amazingness of the Pale King. Grimm fell from the air and landed face-first on the bench because the Nightmare King was no longer there to hold up his stupid fat head. Grimm groaned, turning himself right-side up, rubbing his head before the Nightmare King teleported back, holding several matches and explosives as well as Julio. 

“What are you idiots doing? And why is the smelly ‘Hollow Knight’ stuck in infection mid stabbing themself? Isn’t it the end of your class? Shoo!” the Grimm said, “And why is the Radiance sitting on a bench eating popcorn?!” The Nightmare King shrugged before turning around to yell something to Julio. Grimm yanked Julio from the Nightmare King’s hands before stomping over to the stupid students, who had finally figured out how to play Russian Roulette. Grimmothy put 6 bullets in each gun this time because everyone must die. Grimm sighed. 

“I HAVE THEME!!! NOT YUO!!!” Dave cackled before ‘Broken Vessel/Lost Kin’ began playing. The Radiance rolled her eyes as the Radiance theme began playing at the same time, as well as ‘Hornet,’ ‘I Need A Raise,’ ‘Grimm Troupe,’ ‘Nightmare King,’ ‘Lace,’ ‘Main Theme,’ the Silksong Main Theme, ‘Sealed Vessel’ for some reason, as well as ‘Decisive Battle.’ Everyone began screaming as their ears bled away while Hornet turned into Winged Nosk. 

“Sorry, but who exactly are you talking to?” Grimmothy asked as his voice audio began playing at full volume, making everyone’s ears finally bleed away if they haven’t already. Grimm ran into a pole and fell down. The Nightmare King cackled before catching him and resuming talking to Julio the Almighty boot stick thing I do not know. 

“I’M THEME!!!!!!” Dave shrieked.

“WHILE I  _ GAVED ITEM!!!!!  _ DAAASEHED!!! AND CLAGGED TOITLET!!!” Blossom screeched back. 

“I  _ GUARD ITEM!!!”  _ Dave continued yelling. 

“I AM A FAN FAVORITE!!!! I AM AMAZING!!!” shrieked Hornet as ‘Dung Defender’ began playing on trumpet in the background. 

“If I was not a very flawed vessel, your game would not have happened and you would not have gotten to kill me,” Hollow told SOAP. 

“No, I am very loved,” said the Nightmare King.

“No, you’re a bitch,” Grimm said, his voice muffled and dead like a musty crusty person flopping around an abandoned train track.

“Ha ha,” cackled the Radiance. 

“I did nothing wrong,” said Brumm.

“You’re are chram is useles,” SOAP muttered, “BUTT Grimmothy even MORE useless.”

“Traitor, smelly traitor,” Grimm stated. 

“I am ripped off your limbs one by one because I got mad !” the Nightmare King exclaimed happily before resuming chatting to Julio about stupid, stupid, stupid, and stupid. 

“I’M!!! MAIN CHARCTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!1!!!!!1!!!” SLOUP shrieked, “MEEE!!!! NOTE YUO!!!!! MEEEEEE!!!!! TRUE HOLLOW VESSEL!!!! BETTTTERRRR!!!!! THEN ALLL!!! OF YU!O!!!!” 

“Yuo havea no mind to THNIK,” Hornet protested, “YUO AR A STUPID!!! VERY A DUM!!! POOP!!!” Hive Knight cackled before falling face-first onto the floor because it looked fun. Grimm yelled something about Hive Knight copying him and being stupid. Sheo cackled because he knew that he was the favorite character out of all those idiots over there. 

“Poop,” Dung Defender stated as everyone else engaged in a fistfight about who was the most important or amazing character or something. 

“Midwaifu is hot,” Koi stated, but nobody was paying attention to her because she was stupid. 

“Yes,” stated Moi before applying anti mossbag spray so he wouldn’t come in and state that Flukemarm was super hot or something. 

“Midwife is my mom what is wrong with you freaks,” said Scuttle, who was Koi’s stupid stinky oc that she had for some reason. Koi cackled because Midwife was h0t. 

“THE PALE KING!!!! BEST BECUASE HE IS PALE KING!!!” shrieked Lurien. Monomon threw Uumuu at him while the smelly Nightmare King screamed about Julio. Grimm refused to let the Nightmare King talk to Julio. 

“Cringe, thou idiots,” Godseeker declared, “All of thy, idiots. Gods we have found, but competent gods? Quite the opposite.” The Radiance yelled something about how amazing and powerful she was or something. 

“ABSOLUTE NUTCASE!!! ABSOLUTE CRAZY!!! ABSOLUTE STUPID!!! VERY IDIOT!!!” SOAP shrieked before the Radiance punched their face in. 

“I was pretty much equal to either the Radiance or Nightmare King,” Hollow said, “The keyword being ‘was.’” The Nightmare King screamed something about Julio before Grimm snapped something back about stupid Julio. 

“The most loved character is Julio,” Ivy said. Everyone nodded because Julio was awesome. Grimm was the only one who screamed before throwing himself off a cliff. The Nightmare King pulled him back up and continued to blabber about Julio, Julio, Julio, Julio, Julio, Julio, Julio, Julio, Julio, Julio, and last but not least, Arson. 

“I AM ARE SEcOND!!! I GET MY OWN GAME BECAUSE I AM SO COOL!!!!!!!” Horen’t shrieked angrily, slapping Lace’s face, “THE BEST!!!! I AM!!!!!!!!!” 

“Macebug,” Quirrel pointed out. Hegemol turned into a foot and flew away as Maggots stared at him in awe. 

“I wish I could do that,” said Maggot 1.

“Me too,” said Maggot 2.

“Let’s steal his armor,” suggested Maggot 3.

“Ok,” said Maggots 1 and 2 before flopping away with Maggot 3 to pick Hegemol’s nose. Suddenly, the words ‘FALSE Knight’ appeared and SOUP began screaming. Just then, the bell rang and everyone’s noses fell off before the smart people picked them up. Since nobody in the school was close to smart, nobody picked up their nose. 

“I cannot smell,” Grimm stated. 

“No fu **_DOMA_ ** cking SHIT, Sherlock,” the Nightmare King said to Grimm. 

“Bye,” said Dave as he ran to Lurien’s old classroom, screaming. Cloth shrieked in terror, for she thought that the Nightmare King was going to be the Math substitute. She burrowed into the floor and did not emerge. Quirrel didn’t look up from his notes as he followed SOAP, who was chewing on a piece of soap. 

“No mind,” stated Honret before shrieking and flopping away on her needle as Lace chased after her, throwing up flies and screaming. Grimm glared at the stupid students who were arriving at the Sparring Area as the Nightmare King continued to hold up Grimm and talk to Julio. 

Joth appeared out of nowhere and Toe screamed before running up to Joth, shrieking for no reason. 

“What,” said Woji as she threw Snej all the way to Florida. Snej screamed. 

“Why am I lagging.” said Koi so intellectually that Moi’s nose flew away and drew a circle in the middle of the sky, foretelling the death and doom of everyone. However, nobody paid any attention because they were all too busy running after each other, screaming and shrieking as they climbed over one another, trying to get to stupid Math class or whatever next class they had. 

“It is Math class, so awesome!” Grimmothy announced, “Time to do meth! Yaayayayayayaayyay!!!!!!!!”

“Durgs are good for yuo,” said Dave as he snorted pixie dust and his nose fell off and his eyes teared up and he began to sob happily because snorting pixie dust hurts. 

“Whta,” said Blossom. 

“I’m,” stated SOAP as they injected orange juice into their stupid voidy head, “Totally not doing durgs right now. Not high. Not at all.”

“Er- friend? Aren’t you a bit too young for that, and also we’re on school grounds,” Quirrel looked around frantically, internally panicking as SOAP’s head flew away.

“That is not a good idea,” Hollow told SOUP, stuck in smelly orange juice, “And the infection is a drink, not really a drug.” 

“I feel like I am flying,” SOAP said in a weird, distantly faraway voice. Quirrel began to panic even more as SLOP fell over onto the ground. They did not get back up.

“Ha ha, I can mind control it,” the Radiance cackled as SOP began spouting random bits of Geo. 

“Would you care for a child, some fire? Some crimson flames? Would you like to snort some ashes?” the Nightmare King asked, opening his cloak to reveal rows of explosives, gunpowder, dead stuff, bottles of flames, jars of ashes, and a bunch of Grimmchildren for some reason.

“No,” the Radiance told him, “Do not explode the school. And there is absolutely no use for children. I do not want your stupid stinky children. Go sell them or something.” 

“They make nice spies,” the Nightmare King pointed out as Grimmothy stared at SOAP, his mind for some reason connected to the Nightmare King’s mind and Grimm’s because he was stupid.

“No thank you,” said SOP as they stuffed 2103921 more bottles of orange juice into their eyeballs. The Radiance cackled because Higher Beings are very weird. 

“High,” stated Grimmothy, pointing to SOP, “They are high.” 

“I am a Higher Being,” the Nightmare King stated matter-of-factly. Grimm waddled by and yelled at him about teaching classes before dragging him back over to the Sparring Area to yell at the new students about how Julio would smack their faces in if they were any more stupid than they already were. 

“Lifeblood is tastier than orange juice,” the Lifeblood Creature pointed out. The Radiance glared and threw them out of the school grounds. 

“I,” declared Cedrin as he arrived at where Lurien’s Math class used to be, “Who’s the new teacher?” There was a crazy, evil, hooting-cackling noise as some weird guy with a jar shoved into every crevice of his body flopped out and shat out a grub. The students stared at him with disgust and disbelief. Cloth burrowed out of the hole in the ground, took one look at the Collector, then burrowed back in. 

“Kidnappings,” whispered Grimmothy as a Grub fell out of SOPU’s eyehole. 

“This man is crazy,” Severin stated, staring at the Collector, who proceeded to grab Hammer and toss them out the window before shoving Zote up his nose. 

“Jars,” SOP stated as Grimmothy yelled about the Collector stealing his pets. 32 Primal Aspids flew out of a jar. A Grimmchild clone flew out of the jar and Grimmothy stared at it in confusion. The clone stared back before flopping away to who knows where. 

“ONE GRUB PLUS ANOTHER GRUB IS????” the Collector shrieked, holding up two stupid grubs, “WHAT IS IT????? TELL ME, STUPID CHILDReN, WHAT IS IT???? WAHOO!! HEE HEE!!! HA HA!!!!!!” 

“Three,” said SLOP intelligently, who was still high from injecting a bunch of random substances into their puny pea-sized brain. Quirrel was about to correct them, but the Collector shrieked and screamed before eating a jar and spitting out pieces of broken glass into Grimmothy’s fat face.

“CORRECT! SO CORRECT!! YES!!! HOO HOO HEE HEE WAHOO HEE HEE!!!!” shrieked the Collector, bouncing off of the classroom walls and leaping about like a drunken Loodle before he crashed into Zemmoth, who spiked his nose because she was spiky. The Collector acted like nothing happened as he continued to bounce off the walls, hitting several students in the head as he tossed jars and dead grubs and bugs everywhere. Dave stared in confusion as a dead Pale Thing molt flopped onto his head, and Blossom squealed with joy as a toilet fell from the ceiling and crushed her, Molly style. 

“I do not like this class,” Ivy stated. 

“This is the most enthusiastic teacher that we’ve had all year round,” Cedrin stated as the Collector shoved 17 jars up his nose, “He really is an upgrade of Lurien if I do say so myself.” 

“Isn’t the Collector an excellent teacher?” the Radiance asked, “Finally a Void thing that actually does something right!” The Collector picked up a jar full of orange juice and tossed it into the Radiance’s eye, screamed as he threw moldy cheese and sponges everywhere. The Pale Lurker gasped and began tossing stuff around along with him.

“Yse he is such good teacher ARE,” gasped the Pale Lurker, tossing keys everywhere and shoving jars into Tiso’s ears and eye sockets, “MOLDY CHEESE HE THROW! FUN, SO MUCH!!!!!”

“He is the most enthusiastic teacher I’ve ever found!” the Radiance said, picking up Hollow in the weird orange juice blob and making her way to her trophy room. 

“ROOF!!!!!” chanted Koi, screaming like a mad person because she was a mad person, “IN CAVE!!! CAVE IN!!!! HAR HAR HAR!!!!!!” Molly fell from the sky and crushed Tiso, who was being pelted by scraps of paper, sponges, keys, moldy cheese, jars, grubs, Primal Aspids, and a bunch of other weird stuff that God Tamer, the Collector, and the Pale Lurker had for some reason. 

“Am I,” Dave stated as he poked Moi’s supposedly dead body, “A no mind?”

“Yes,” Hortnen’t replied grumpily as she poked Dave’s head off. Jake gasped and picked up the stupid head and was about to shove it into his nose, but the Collector picked it up and smacked it into a jar before screaming and jumping out the window, breaking it in the process. 

The broken glass shattered everywhere.

“He is such an awesome teacher, isn’t he?” the Radiance said fondly as she and the students watched the crazy void thing run around, screaming as he ran over a student trying to stretch. He then picked up Julio and attempted to shove them into a jar, but the Nightmare King came by and blew his head off before picking up Julio and blabbering away to it. Grimm smacked him and rolled away, screaming at students who touched the floor and weren’t flexible. The Collector respawned on a stupid bench in the classroom before resuming hooting and screaming, bouncing up and down and tilting the room this way and that, making the desks and jars and students topple over and fall onto each other’s eyeballs. 

“Why are Dads 1 and 2 here?” asked Grimmothy, “This is  _ Math _ class, not Who Can Yell The Most About Julio Or Something class!” 

“Are you a,” Deduline shrieked, “The Collector dude jumped out of the classroom and tried to steal the almighty Julio, but the Nightmare King fried his brain and Grimm screamed before smacking a student with his foot!”

“HOO HOO!!! HA HA!!!!” screamed the Collector, cackling crazily, “GRAPH THIS EQUATION, CLASS!!!!” He jumped onto the chalkboard and scribbled like 50 problems onto it somehow before drawing a stupid graph. He then chuckled and screamed before hopping away to toss jars everywhere for some reason again. One jar flew up SOAP’s nose and pulled the orange juice extract out, making them not-high anymore. SOPA sighed because they enjoyed being trippy. Quirrel wrote down notes as the Collector dropped 50 jars onto his stupid head. 

“Foot,” said Dave. An Aspid Hunter flopped out of a jar and spat orange juice onto the floor. SLOP gasped before running over to drink it. Grimmothy looked at them with disgust before spitting fire onto the floor and coughing up a wad of Primal Aspids and rifles. 

“Do not do drugs!” Quirrel yelled, handing SOAP a bar of soap, “Eat this instead!” SOAp accepted the tasty morsel with a grin and nod of appreciation before sticking the bar into their mouth and chewing on it. 

“ME TO!” shrieked the Collector as he picked up a bar of soap from the floor and began eating it as well. 

“NOOO!O!!!!!!! MINE!!!!! YUO GET UR OWWNN!!!!!!!!!!” screeched SOAP angrily, throwing a jar at the Collector. The Collector screamed something about math problems and graphing equations before picking up a piece of chalk and eating it. 

“Are you,” stated Dave as the Collector shoved a jar up his nose. Blossom nodded as Grimmothy spat out Primal Aspids and stupid flames, setting the classroom on fire. The Collector screeched before picking up SOAP and using their head to snuff the flames. For some reason, it worked. He then pointed at the problem on the board, screaming as he tapped on it frantically with a stupid stick that he got from somewhere. 

“Moi was the dranked toilet detergent and flopped over like a bobble in the wind,” Koi said sadly as she dug around in Moi’s nose, fishing around for a shiny blue booger. Dave looked at her with a confused expression as Tiso was smashed by Molly, again. 

“CORRECT!!!!!” shrieked the Collector. He wrote in big fat letters on the stupid chalkboard,  _ MOI ATE DETERGENT AND A TOILET SEAT!!!!!! _ Everyone gasped and began to cry, for this was the saddest thing to ever happen in the history of Hallownest. The Pale Lurker threw up a key onto God Tamer’s forehead. 

“This is such advanced math that I cannot figure out what the fu **_DOMA_ ** ck is happening,” Grimmothy told the class. Cedrin howled like a banshee and sogbed, screaming and wailing, as did many other students and the Collector as they stared at Moi’s corpse. Koi threw up a sponge and the Pale Lurker teared up, muttering about how moving that speech was. 

“How is that sponge completely dry?” Quirrel muttered as everyone around him wailed and sighed and died and stuff. The Radiance poured more orange juice onto Hollow’s head. 

“I’m,” said Moi’s Shade before clipping off her toes. Everyone’s wails of anguish soon turned louder as Moi’s toe flew out the window, quacking and squawking like a bunch of dead demented vengeflies. 

“Everybody has turned into the Che Lump and Dad 1,” Grimmothy said matter-of-factly as he watched Moi’s toes float away. The Pale Lurker sobged and threw up a block of moldy cheese onto Tiso, who was promptly crushed by Molly. God Tamer hugged her and wailed, screaming and ugly-crying as she too coughed up a wad of simple keys. 

“What the fu **_EGALE_ ** ck,” said Grimm as he opened the room, “I was GOING to ask for a stick to prod my students with, but you know what? Nevermind, I’ll go ask Monomon.” He slammed the door shut and walked away, leaving the classroom of idiots who were crying over someone who wasn’t even dead. 

“This is very delightful and it is the only reason I keep this school open other than to annoy the Wyrm,” the Radiance declared happily, still pouring orange juice on Hollow for who knows what reasons. She choked on a kernel of popcorn before the Collector began chewing on the wall. Koi rolled over and died, her shade popping out of her nose as her head waddled away. Everyone simultaneously threw up a sofa. The Collector clapped enthusiastically, cheering and hooting about what an awesome performance before he grabbed the chalkboard and slammed it onto Zote’s head, crushing and killing him. Tiso died. Koi does not know how to end a chapter properly. 


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> end of math class and people stick around to scream at each other for no reason

“My brain has such nice,” Grimmothy said as his arm turned into a strand of yarn. Horen’t cackled like an idiot. Lace’s nose whapped Honret in the eye, resulting in her head flying away very majestically like Koi’s head that fell out of the broken window and knocked out a student who was trying to stretch down below. 

“This is are the most awesome meth class ever, I am learning so much,” Grimmchild said as Zote turned into a rotting tooth.

“Me to,” stated FAT. 

“I’m absolutely died !” Moi screeched. Everyone in the classroom began being sad because Moi was alive. Koi appeared and made everyone even sadder for absolutely no reason. A Lifeseed skittered out of Koi’s ear and squeaked until several other Lifeseeds appeared out of the other students’ ears and squeaked as well. The Collector exploded and void blasted all over the Radiance’s face. Everyone was confused. 

“I’m are ABSOLUTE DIED TO!!!” shrieked Koi before turning the Nightmare King into a couch cushion because there was no plot or logic in the schoolverse. Grimm cackled crazily and yelled about ‘who looks like a chair now???!!!’ or something like that. The Nightmare King couch cushion smacked Koi’s ears away before picking up the computer and turning himself back to normal. He then picked up Grimm and tossed him into a wall before stomping away grumpily. Grimmothy clapped and cheered enthusiastically. 

“I’m Absolute Radiance and I am very entertained,” the Radiance stated. She dropped the glob of infection that Hollow was stuck in and Hollow tumbled down the stairs like that one watermelon that was dropped down the stairs five years ago and cracked when it reached the bottom. 

“Awesome,” Joth declared as he smacked SOAP’s head in using a fat stinky bench. 

“At least I’m dead now,” Hollow’s Shade groaned, a very noticeable crack forming above their eye. SOAP screamed because the Radiance threw a piece of popcorn at them. 

“Julio is hot like my foot,” declared Dave. 

“Julio is nonexistent?” Quirrel asked, “You do not have a foot?” 

“Hot, like my foot,” Dave insisted, orange juice flopping out of his eye sockets as Blossom clogged a toilet stuck in the Collector’s stupid weird jar. 

“CORRECT!!!!!!!!!!!” shrieked the Collector, throwing a jar full of bright pink ink at Dave’s face, “MARY  _ DID _ EAT HOT, LIKE MY FOOT, APPLES THAT COSTED THE MASS OF THE SUN!!!!!!!!” 

“The Radiance is heavy and according to Google, she weighs 1.989 × 10.30 kg,” Quirrel said as he scribbled down 8236428748264872648726478263847628746287648723648726387463287 notes. 

“HEY! I’M NOT FAT  _ OR _ HEAVY!” the Radiance shouted, throwing 29 nails at Quirrel. Hollow’s Shade tried to run away into a drawer, jar, or cupboard while she was distracted. 

“According to Dad 1, Dad 2 is fat and heavy,” Grimmchild informed his peers, who could literally care less.

“Why do your fathers even sit on each other anyway?” Cedrin exclaimed. 

“Higher Beings is will be fat GENERAL,” SOP lectured, “Weight? FAT. Brain, PUNY. Me? NOT SOAP!!!! BIL!L!!!!!!!!!!!!” 

“Hotel, Trivago,” Zemmoth muttered before getting a jar shoved into her eye socket. 

“Dad 2 sits on Dad 1 because otherwise he will escape from the Nightmare Realm or something during the night and the Radiance will juicify his head or something,” Grimmothy told Cedrin, who looked at him with a confused expression. 

“Wouldn’t it just make sense to like tie Grimm to the floor or something, then?” Quirrel asked. 

“He likes to sit on Dad 1 for some reason, I guess. Or he’s lazy. Oh, I know. Remember how the Pale Thing ties up Hollow at night for weird I don’t know Black Egg Temple trapped training or something? That’s tying up and Dad 2 refuses to do things the Pale Thing’s way.” Grimmothy shrugged and began ripping out Quirrel’s teeth as pay for the wonderfully informative explanation. 

“Then… can’t he chain him to a wall?” Bretta suggested. 

“Chains, rope, Pale Thing uses those, you know. Also, the Pale Thing has a lot of walls. Have you seen them? So many walls! We don’t have walls, we live in tents! The opposite of castles or something!” Grimmchild explained before ripping out Bretta’s teeth as well. 

“Bright pink blinds the eyes of your enemies,” the Nightmare King said, teleporting into the room and causing Cloth to burrow underground just when she had decided to go back up. Grimm teleported in as well and shrieked about needing Julio to smack students with before yanking Julio from the Nightmare King’s arms and teleporting away. The Nightmare King sighed before snapping and going poof as well. 

“Oh yeah, Dad 2 also does this weird thing where he goes into that weird sleeping position, but with Dad 1 taped to his chest or something while he does it, basically forcing Dad 1 into being trapped forever because Dad 2 has 398573984759834759873985798 stupid cloak tendrils and Dad 1 doesn’t. It’s so awesome and makes no sense and they’re upside down while it happens, and Grimmkin have to constantly get them stuff because Dad 1 keeps trying to find ways to escape using tools but it never works. I think Dad 2 lets him do it because it amuses him, which is literally just complete sadism,” Grimmothy said matter-of-factly before yanking our Dave’s teeth. 

“I can’t figure out whether Higher Beings are all bad parents or not, The White Lady just neglects her children! And the Pale King! Self-explanatory! And your family is also really weird! And the Radiance doesn’t have children but she’d probably also be a bad parent! I don’t get it!!” exclaimed Quirrel as the Nightmare King complained outside about being challenged by Quirrel’s evil limbs. 

“White Woman not too bad, she just doesn’t stand up to Pale Creature because she loves him too much or something and beelefes in him,” SOP told Quirrel, who nodded like he understood that when he did not understand a single word. 

“Dad 1 doesn’t oppose Dad 2 otherwise he’ll get tortured,” Grimmchild said informatively, “But also because he made that stupid promise 89357938758937598379857398475983759834798573498579834759834759834798 years ago and has stuck to it ever since. He’s always lecturing me about thinking before I act. Also, in the Canonverse, this whole thing is extremely dark.”

“See?” Quirrel pointed to Grimmothy, “Bystanders and bad parenting!” 

“In the Schoolverse, Nightmare King, Grimm, White Lady, and Pale Creature aren’t that bad,” Koi said, “But in CANONVERSE…. OHoHoHoHO!!!! ALL OF THEM!!! PIECES OF SHIT!!! BIIIIIIIG PIECES OF SHIT!!!!! NIGHTMARE KING!!!! BIGGEST PIECE OF SHIT RIGhT THERE NEXT TO THE PALE THING!!!! !HAR HAR HAR!!!!!!!!!”

“YEEEES!!!!!!” shrieked Moi, “HA HA!!!!! MAKED THE HAR HAR INTO BAD PARENTS!!!!!! YUO CANNOT CHINGE!!! HAR HAR!!!!” 

The Nightmare King walked over and broke her keyboard, accidentally making himself say, “I*)(U*(#092i30q2i093ur904uwv i892uy3892yhcq/c.” 

“Are you,” Dave gasped, “A LIKE THE PALE THINGY???? DAD BAD FATHER?????? BAD!!!!!???!?!?!??” The Radiance cackled because everyone was harassing the fathers. Hollow was successfully ignored and was no longer a weird trophy. 

“White Lady isn’t completely innocent,” SOAP pointed out, “She stood by and not do NOTHING. Grimm is also bad because he also stands by but at the same time he was kind of forced but still bad because he hurt his friends' feelings, aka Brumm, leading to everyone being depressed. Nightmare King is a butthole though, and Radiance isn’t any better. Pale Creature sucky father. Hollow is nice. They ok.”

“B y s t a n d e r s ,” said Quirrel, “And why are we talking about bad parenting? Stop it before everyone dies and turns into bright pink frogs!” To prove his point, half of his head morphed into a hideous, giant, bulbous bright pink frog, which pulsed once before hopping away, dragging the rest of Quirrel away with it. 

“What the fu **_DOMA DOMA!!!!!!!!_ ** ck,” said Koi. Moi cackled as she turned into a bright green pencil that blinded half the class. A Lightseed sat on Dave’s head before Dave turned into a weird husk thing. 

“Theory: Grimm wanted to end the ritual but couldn’t out of fear from the stinky Nightmare Gods,” Koi said m-att-e-ro-f-fa-ctly, “Discuss.”

“She is right, let me go away,” Grimm snapped. The Nightmare King shrugged before throwing Koi out the door. He then yanked Grimm away by the foot, dragging him away to who knows where. 

“Not canon,” stated SOAP, “but a possibility. Smoky Raspy Cheese-grater-swallower-chainsmoker definitely wanted to do the ritual, and is definitely evil, though, however Brumm quitting maybe made him a have a THINKKKKKKK.”

“HAVE A THINK,” Brumm echoed before playing, ‘I Have A Think Need A Raise’ on his accordion. Grimm was heard dying in the background from somewhere. 

“Broom was the vury vury concerned about Smoky Raspy Cheese-grater-swallower-chainsmoker so he told thege knight, ‘EDN THE RUIUTAUL WIHT MEEEE!!11!!!’ knight was a STIPUID and said ok bcuz why not,” said Koi, “TEHEHHHENE, Brumm turn into NYMPH!!!!!! And Grimm gets a punishment!! ySE!!! VERY PUNISH!! LEG RIPPING TORTURE SCREAMING PLOP PLOP PLOP ANGRY NIOGHTMARE hART KING!!!!!!!!!! ANGERY!!!!!! But then, Nightmare Kibgn gots a INVITATION!!! TO GODHOME!! FROM MIND!!! HIS EGO WAS FAT! SO HE SED, ‘OK I GO TO GODHOME GRIM U GET WONEONEON MORE CHNASE AND IF YUO ARE STUPID THEN DIE!!!!11!!” Grimm sed, ‘ok do not to want the die’ and they go to godhome, get beat to pulp by SOAP, Absolute Crazy head dies, Nightmare Fart dies, Grimm dies, everyone dies! HAPY!!! EDN!! THE!! EDNDND SO HAPPY!!!!!!! NYMM LIVES HAPPILY EVER BAPINADA!!! YAY!!!!!!”

“IIIIIIIIIIIIII AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMM NOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” shrieked SOAP, breaking everyone’s ears. Tiso shoved a bar of soap into their eye, which they happily shut up and began chewing on. Koi wheezed after screaming so loudly about her stupid smelly theory. 

“Ego fat,” stated FAT. 

“That is canon,” stated Grimmothy, “Dad 1’s ego is VERY fat. Although, Dad 2 has a slightly smaller ego but maybe a smaller brain too which isn’t that good anyway because if he hadn’t accepted to go to godhome, then neither of them would have died and he never would have lost a vessel thing aka Grimm or Dad 1.”

“Flaw,” SOAP pointed out, “Grimm in Godhome seemed happy like a chicken on fire. Happy for danse and perform. HAPPY!!!!!”

“FAKE!!!” screeched Koi, “HE KNOW AND EGO LIKE!! LIKES ATTENTION!!! DIES, THOUH, MAKING NK THINK HE’S A WEAK PIECE OF POOP!!!!!!!! BECAUSE HE IS!! HA HA HA!!!! BUT NK IS ALSO A PIECE OF POOP, SO NOT MUCH BETER!!!”

“Wait, wait, I need to write this all down,” Quirrel muttered. 

“This conversation is so low IQ,” the Radiance growled, “Let’s talk about Molly. Molly is awesome, she is my precious little baby, she is so cute and amazing!!!!!! She is-” 

“I BET YUO UP TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND MOLLLYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!1! AND FALLED TAMPON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” screeched SOAP, “BEET ALL UP!!!!!!!!!! ALL!!!!!!!! NIGHTMARER KING, RADEN4 TCE!!!!!!!! EVEYROINE!!!!!!! MOLLY EASY BOSS!!!!!! HA HA!!!!! BILL !!!!!!!!!!!” 

“Zote is the hottest chraractercker in the game,” said Zote. 

“Julio,” whispered Dave. 

“Julio is not IN GAME, it is a oc! ME HOT!!!! ME!!!” shrieked SOP. 

“Today I learned that Koi thinks that the Nightmare King and Grimm have a very complicated relationship, and also that she is completely wrong and is a crazy nut, nobody in Hallownest has good parenting skills, Molly is an easy boss, aaaaand Dave’s foot is attractive,” Quirrel murmured to himself, scribbling down 49857938475983478 notes. 

“HE SPEAKS!!!!!” Hornet suddenly screeched, along with Lace. They ran up to Zote and shook all the teeth out of him. “SPEAK!!!!! SPEAK!! SPEAAAAAK!!!!!!!!!” 

“I have no teth to spoked,” Zote said to Honret and Lace, making them shriek even louder and toss more cheese into his eyes as they rattled his stupid skull around. 

“CORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEE CORE CORE CORRE CORRE CORREEEEE-” the Collector screeched, malfunctioning. 

“THERE ARE NO BEANS LEFT!!!” wailed Grimm, “WHAT WILL I DOOOOOOOOO?????” Grimmothy facepalmed as Grimm continued crying and sobging like a weirdo. 

“What happened?” asked Grimmothy. The Nightmare King pointed to Grimm, who was sobging about no green beans left in the pantry. 

“He ate all the beans and the store is out of green beans.” 

“How are you here,” Scuttle muttered, “Class isn’t over yet.”

“YUO ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE NIC TO EACHOTHER TO PROVE MY STUPID THEORY!!!’ Koi shrieked, tossing a Bright Pink Frog as the Nightmare King’s stupid face. 

“I am so sad,” said Grimm, “NO BEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAANNNNNSSSSS!!!!!!!!!” The Nightmare King set Koi on fire before running over to console Grimm. Grimm continued crying as pink high heels magically appeared on his nonexistent feet. The Nightmare King picked up Grimm the droopy wilted thing and hopped out of the stupid window, making shattered glass fly everywhere before he ran back to the stupid Sparring Area. 

“What was that,” asked Cloth. The Radiance cackled about amazing entertainment as the Collector began malfunctioning again. 

“Are you,” stated Koi, “Moi, should we make a second book about my weird theory that’s in the canonverse and very dark and bloody and spereate from this one”

Moi shrugged and died. A magical bean can ad appeared from the heavens as Grimm’s sobgs were heard yelling about how red bean was stupid and green bean was better. 

“My nose is on fire,” Hammer asked as their nose was indeed on fire. Cloth screamed as Traitor Lord barged in and gave her an F grade for no reason. 

“My nose,” SOAP cackled evilly as their feet grew feet and ran away. 

“I, too, love to murder children,” the Nightmare King answered to nobody in particular, “Yes, it is so very fun ! Wow, I didn’t know you liked to do that,  _ too _ !” He continued his weird rant to Julio while Grimm sat in the corner, still crying about no green beans. The Radiance choked on a popcorn kernel again, then spat it at the back of Grimm’s head. 

“What was that for!?” snapped Grimm, “Oh, woe is me, THERE ARE NO BEEEEEAAAANNNSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! BOO HOO!!!!! WOE IS I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS TERRIBLE!!!! SO INCREDIBLY TRAGIC, BOO HOO!!!!!!! WOE IS I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THERE ARE STILL NO BEANS!!! NOT A SINGLE CAN!!! NO BEEEEAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He continued sobging and screaming and flinging high heels while the students watched the malfunctioning Collector. Time passed quickly because everyone was definitely having fun, so the bell rang for everyone to get the high heel out of there. So they did. 

“Meth is fun,” SLOUP told Quirrel, who was walking next to them. Blossom nodded, vowing to clog one hundred toilets under the name, “SOUL MASTER”. Quirrel nodded as well, wondering whether SLOP was a drug addict and whether he should stop SOP from taking the infection or not. 

“I  _ love _ to drink orange juice, don’t you?” the Radiance screeched, “Who wants a good grade? Have an orange juice! It will boost your luck! IF you don’t want it, well, TOO BAD!!” She held up Hollow, who was once again stuck in a fat glob of infection. “THIS is what happens if not. Well, it actually isn’t but this is my new trophy. NO LIMB RIPPING, Nightmare Thing, it’s  _ my _ trophy!” 

“My voice died and I am still doing meth,” said Koi. 

“That is so nice that my ear fell off,” said Moi, whose nose had fallen off. 

The Nightmare King, who was following because the Radiance kicked him out of the stupid malfunctioning Void room, sighed and went back to yelling about Julio as Grimm flopped miserably down the stairs, still wailing like the Che Lump about stupid beans. 

“I am an ancient voice and I’m cool, listen to me and buy orange juiCE!!” screeched the Radiance again, shoving a huge box of orange juice up Dave’s eye. SOAP ran away in terror as the Radiance turned around to throw orange juice at them, as well. 

“I’m angry,” stated Koi as a bright pink Grimm ran by and attempted to eat a table. Moi picked her up and stuffed her up Grimm’s nose, causing him to shut up about beans and instead just silently cry about stupid green beans. Koi suddenly grinned and poked Grimm’s throat, which made him throw her up. Grimm continued choking for the next 5 years with no idea what the cause was, while the Nightmare King made him miserable because of Julio. 

“Ancirnet voices are stupid KINGsOUL,” Moi snapped at the Radiance. A dead thing flopped on the floor and died. Soul Master fell through the floor, as did Molly, who crushed Tiso. 

“And now, thou shalt fight Absolute Asshole, Mighty Goddess of Gods, Nightmare King Bitch, Swift God of Nightmares, and the Pale Thing, Powerful Stupid Buzzsaw thing,” Godseeker announced, “The White Woman, Useless God Of Something, and everyone else in the school, whom art cringers and puny brained non gods, all smallest of the small!” 

“Godseeker is in a very bad mood today, excuse her, she needs to see the nurse for anger management,” the Radiance told everyone grumpily as Godseeker continued to yell about Absolute Asshole and the Nightmare King Bitch. 

“Unn, fat slug of Greenpath, the Useless God of Something has stolen thou land! Absolute Asshole, Mighty Goddess of Gods, possibly strongest of all, has done nothing to help thou! Neither has Nightmare King the Bitch, or any God! How shalt thou persevere this invasion?” Godseeker yelled, “Absolute Asshole is not strongest of all, nor fairest! Thou cannot and may not manhandle me!” The Radiance continued to attempt to pick up the stupid Godseeker who was, by the way, speaking the truth. It was very hard to carry an infection-covered Pure Vessel in one tentacle thing and pick up a Godseeker in the others, so the Radiance gave up and dragged Hollow back to the trophy display room. 

“Bill, Idiotic, Puny Brained, Cringer Lord of Shades, battle against Absolute Asshole, the Pale Thing of Buzzsaws, the Useless Goddess of Root, the Fat Slug of Greenpath, the Nightmare King Bitch, and the other Gods of Gods will begin on MONDAY! The trial thou faces near! Thou best be training, or thou shalt be crushed by the sheer power of the Absolute Bitches!” 

“Rude,” said SOAP. 

“You should have censored that,” Quirrel told Koi, who shrugged and fell into a coma. 

“FU **_EGALE_ ** CK THOU ALL!” shrieked Godseeker angrily, “THOU ART ALL FU **_HEKALE SEKAMOS? Uhn, EGALE_ ** CKING CRINGERS!!! THOU ART ALL SMALLEST OF THE SMALL!!! THOU SHALT ALL BE CRUSHED, WE TELL YOU, CRUSHED BY THE ABSOLUTE BITCHES!” 

“I wonder who shat in her breakfast,” Lace wondered wonderfully. Sharpe shrugged as he watched Trobbio attempt to set Horen’t’s disgusting lunch on fire. Screaming in fear, Trobbio ran back, a furious Honret chasing after him with a long, bendy needle. 

_ “Should we all just speak normally instead of sounding like two-year-olds having seizures on keyboards?” Inner Hornet 1 suggested to herself, “It would be much better sounding.” Inner Hornet 2 shook her fat, long head.  _

_ “No, it’s more fun to slam Koi and Moi’s faces on the keyboards, let’s keep talking like this, SHAW, EGALE, THRO’SHE CALIMO!” Inner Hornet 1 nodded as Inner Hornet 2 spoke. It was very wise, especially the last four words that were spoken.  _

“I’m taking a break from attacking Honret the Stupid today,” Lace told the rest of the Fartloom gang of failed assassins, “You people do it. It’s  _ your _ job as well, after all.” She sat down in the hall and waited for someone who knew what class was next to pass by so she could follow them. 

“Do not sit on the floor, thou shalt never be a mighty god of gods who has ascended,” Godseeker scolded, “Even Absolute Asshole and Nightmare King Bitch, with their personalities, managed to become mighty gods of gods by acting right, if thou sits in the hallway like thou art a homeless beggar, thou shalt never reach true power!” Lace rolled her eyes as Godseeker continued to insult everyone in the school for some very mysterious unknown reason. 

“What a nice teacher, isn’t she  _ delightful _ ?” asked Sharpe, looming over Quirrel’s tiny, nonexistent shoulder in an attempt to steal his smelly school calendar. 

“Yes, she really is a nice teacher,” Quirrel replied, scribbling notes on Sharpe’s ear as he watched the Radiance drag Hollow down the stairs while Godseeker yelled about cringe and stupid gods. 

“Cringe, thou art ALL CRINGE, BITCHES AND ASSHOLES, ALL THOU ART IDIOTS AND DUMBASSES,” Godseeker shouted at the Nightmare King, who was preaching about the almighty amazing passionate incredible hot fierce Grey Prince Julio with Bretta. Grimm continued to sobg like a weirdo about stupid green beans and no high heels left. 

“Woe is me! No beans? Beans no more! I am distraught! This is dreadful! So terrible! I want my BEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Grimm wailed loudly, shattering what was left of everyone’s eardrums. The school was now deaf and nobody could recover their hearing and it was all Grimm’s fault. 

_ No voice to cry suffering, no ears to hear, _ SOAP signed before they transformed into Bill and killed everyone so their ears could come back. The Nightmare King picked them up and killed them. 

“THOU ALL ART CRINGERS, THOU WEAK AND SMALL! SMALLEST OF THE SMALL AND WEAKEST OF THE WEAK!” Godseeker cried, “Thou all are assholes, thou all art bitches and dumbasses, thou all art not gods worthy of worship!” Suddenly, Godseeker recovered from the very weird bout of angry shouting and insulting and went back to normal. 

“Art thou alive? Art thou dead?” Godseeker asked, poking Koi’s dead corpse, “Art thou stupid smelly author dead? Must thou die and leave behind Moi, who is admittedly more insane then thou?” 

Koi twitched, obviously alive but turned into a dreamer (aka a coma) or something because she was not responding to anything, even when the Nightmare King set her toes on fire. Of course, that was normal because she was so stupid that nobody could determine whether she was okay or not. 

“She are alive!” sogged Moi, sogging because everyone was alive and that was so tragic and terrible, “ALIVEN!!!!!!!!” 

“For one second,” replied Koi before dying again. 

“Hooray!” shouted Moi as Koi died for some reason again. 

“The meth is going to their brains,” the Nightmare King muttered as several other students began crying about dead smelly meth students that weren’t even dead and were obviously in a coma and picking their noses like crazy boogers were going to take over the world and kill everyone or something. Koi twitched for the fifty-third time before flopping out the window. Moi gasped at the stunning performance of her stupid, smelly twin thing. 

“It is her are she can fly !” gasped Moi, astonished as Koi’s body tumbled to the ground, obviously not flying in any ways at all. The others gathered around the window to watch as Koi turned into Shrek, who ascended with Gorb into the Heavens. The sweet and wonderful scent of insanity filled the room as Brumm complained about not getting a raise as well as Grimm’s bad body odor. 

“Wayward Compass was used, she cheated,” Grimm told the idiots, “Go to your class and learn how to do it  _ without _ Wayward Compass. CHEATER!” Grimm yelled as Koi’s weird green face was flung back through the roof, allowing Molly to fall down onto Tiso. 

“ASCEND!!! WITH!!!! GOOOOOOORRRRRBBB!!!!!!” screeched Gorb from the sky, “DO NOT DESCEND WITH GRIMM!!!!! DO NOT DESCEND!!!!” 

“TWO MORE FUCKIN LESSONS,” Koi screamed, her brain melting out of her ears. She was too stupid and forgot to censor. Grimm nodded and began crying again about beans and woe is he. 

“WOE IS I!!!!!” cried Grimm, sobging. 

“Woe is he,” the Nightmare King echoed, “You hear that, Julio? Woe is he.” 

“Jake is such a good student he gets an A++++++++ million because he is amazing,” said the principal. No Jake, shut up and give me back my computer. 

“I need help,” said Grimmothy, “Somebody give me their locker, the three I’ve received are full of teeth now! I need more storage space!” Everyone screamed while they debated on who would sell their soul to Grimmothy for a tooth back. 

“Can I have a mask?” asked Jake, for once speaking properly, “Mask face, then give locker. No? Then I will the are give locker to Toe,  _ MY _ best buddy, NOT JARED the will is DUMB a DUMB.” 

“NO, MINE!!!!! I CLAMI TOE AS  _ MY _ BEST BUDDY!!! NOT YUORS!!! YUOR ARE INVALID OPENION!!!! I’M ARE THE MIGHTNAER GING!!!! KRIMM!!!! I’M SURPERIORE ARE!!!!!!” Jared screeched, pulling Toe away and screaming madly. 

Toe walked over and handed the Nightmare King another weird bullet because he was holding the almighty  **_J_ ** ulio. The Radiance bent down to pet Molly, who was sitting on Tiso, resulting in Hollow falling down the stairs again and cracking their head. 

“Yams,” muttered SOAP under their breath.

“Why are we all staying after school?” asked Koi the finally alive as her teeth fell out one by one, “Seriously, my eyes hurt after doing so much math, and my nose is rotting. Can someone please do something? I hate my life.” Grimm threw up a bean can and her, which in turn smushed her and killed her again. Grimm gasped.

“OH MY NIGHTMARE STUPID, THERE  _ ARE _ BEANS LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!” As swiftly as a carrot throwing its child across the room, Grimm ate the bean can whole, metal and all. Brumm continued to loudly play his accordion before Divine came by and ate it. 

“I heard somebody call me,” said the Nightmare Bitch, “Did someone call me?” Grimm picked up a boot and shoved it into his face before running out of the school, screaming. The Nightmare Piece of Shit looked at Grimm with a hurt expression. 

“Hello,” Marrisa said, flapping at the doorway, “I’m kidnapping your child, is that okay with yoU?” 

“What the actual fu **_BAPANADA_ ** ck is wrong with you people?” asked Tiso before he was squashed again by Molly the morbidly obese Mawlek. 

“Which child?” Grimm asked blankly. Everyone was confused because last they checked, there was only one of Grimmothy. 

“The one for free gossip,” Marissa told him, “Where is he?” 

“Bye,” said Grimmchild as he flew out the window. Unluckily for him, the window was locked and closed, so he ran straight into the glass and knocked himself out. 

“This is such a peaceful school, no violence at all!” the Radiance sang as the Nightmare King shot somebody with a gun. 

“Yuo ar all mental me includdded,” SOAP muttered to themself, “Father will flip over a table and et me toes if I’m late, so goodbye. Stupids.” They then rolled away, off the school grounds with most vessels following them. 

“Wait up!” called Quirrel as he slithered around the school like a Quirrel. Everyone ran out of the school, screaming and yelling scatter for no reason. The Collector threw up a grub. 

**Author's Note:**

> SOAP is ghost, Dave is broken vessel and blossom is the greenpath vessel and this is stupid


End file.
